Introverts, Social Misfits and the Terror of Talking to People

[Ahyar Dreamspark]

12 hours ago, Intek said:

As an introvert, what are some good exit strategies for getting out of conversations that you don't want to be in? I find myself stuck here a lot.

 

7 hours ago, Emmi said:

I would give you a super helpful answer but I'm also struggling with this a lot. When it's online, I just tell people that I'm not comfortable. No problem. In real life I smile and nod (or look super serious, it depends on the subject) and I wait until it's over. I wouldn't consider this an effective strategy as it does keep me occupied for a certain amount of time.

 

When it's online I usually just say "BRB shower" or something and then don't come back to that chat lol.

 

In real life (face to face or on the phone), I usually end up doing the look/smile-and-nod-and-wait-until-it's-over thing too. I wish I had a better way to deal with this, especially when people ask me for advice about relationships. Or when they use 10+ paragraphs to explain something that could easily be summarized in two sentences.

[Phytomancer]

21 hours ago, Intek said:

As an introvert, what are some good exit strategies for getting out of conversations that you don't want to be in? I find myself stuck here a lot.

 

Hey, it's really nice to talk to you, but look at the time! I really need to go into a broom closet and shut the door for a few minutes.

To be serious, I usually say I had other things to do... work, meetings, assignments, bus, errands, restrooms, etc, and excused myself.

 

 Anybody know a way to handle friends with 1) clinical depression and 2) mild social anxiety? 

[Fearkiller]

[Basement Cat]

[SevenofSeven]

Yesterday I think Karma was looking out for me. Our Ambulance sub-centre were having a big woohoo about the opening to the new quarters so people can stay for night shift etc. it's basically a 3 bedroom 1 bathroom unit/flat with full kitchen and recreation area, very nice! Anyway we were asked to attend in full uniform and shake hands with the dignitaries and others who turned up. 

 

I was filling in for another officer, something I don't normally do, but she is cool and we get on awesome. So anyway, Saturday and my partner and I get three call outs, back to back. We leave before the shindig starts and get back just as everything is being put away and dishes being done! Boom no need to social anxiety!!! 

 

It seems my partner for the day also has the same anxiety and was not upset at having missed the get together. Although they were upset that the scones were dry and cold and the coffee over cooked when we did finally manage to get to the kitchen for afternoon smoko!

[Doe]

So I went from being a field engineer to being a Project Manager/Design Engineer

Apparently I'm suppose to have charisma.  Dealing with a lot of strong personalities. 

 

Clearly I'm a masochist...but that's not what this thread is about.

[TMedina]

3 hours ago, Doe said:

So I went from being a field engineer to being a Project Manager/Design Engineer

Apparently I'm suppose to have charisma.  Dealing with a lot of strong personalities. 

 

Clearly I'm a masochist...but that's not what this thread is about.

 

[Jakkals]

[Waldo]

On 6/30/2016 at 6:01 PM, Doe said:

So I went from being a field engineer to being a Project Manager/Design Engineer

Apparently I'm suppose to have charisma.  Dealing with a lot of strong personalities. 

 

Clearly I'm a masochist...but that's not what this thread is about.

 

I did the same.

 

Being a field engineer took a lot more energy to deal with all the strong personalities.  As a project engineer, sure I deal with bigger wigs, but things are much more on the business level (sups and foreman tend to size up if they can kick your ass as background to convo), plus generally conflict is through email instead of face to face, whereas in the field, it was always face to face.  

 

In general, office types and owners respect engineers (you solve their problems) more than on-site construction brass, to whom you are little more than a PITA.

 

I also find among people I'm comfortable with, I actually tend to become extroverted (I like to be front and center in inner-office meetings).  But only in that little comfortable bubble.

[Fearkiller]

On 1.7.2016 at 1:01 AM, Doe said:

Clearly I'm a masochist...but that's not what this thread is about.

This thread?

Are you saying that..?

 

[The Ox King]

On ‎4‎/‎6‎/‎2016 at 8:33 PM, Intek said:

As an introvert, what are some good exit strategies for getting out of conversations that you don't want to be in? I find myself stuck here a lot.

Maybe it's because I'm a low energy, always-slightly-irritated, but kind person, but I always am just "Okay, then. I've got stuff to do, so I'm going to get going. Bye."

[The Ox King]

On ‎4‎/‎7‎/‎2016 at 9:54 AM, Naxius said:

 

 

When it's online I usually just say "BRB shower" or something and then don't come back to that chat lol.

 

In real life (face to face or on the phone), I usually end up doing the look/smile-and-nod-and-wait-until-it's-over thing too. I wish I had a better way to deal with this, especially when people ask me for advice about relationships. Or when they use 10+ paragraphs to explain something that could easily be summarized in two sentences.

The "you're using too many words!" thing has been getting on my nerves quite a bit lately. I just keep noticing it. Maybe because I haven't been sleeping well.

[Doe]

1 hour ago, Waldo said:

 

I did the same.

 

Being a field engineer took a lot more energy to deal with all the strong personalities.  As a project engineer, sure I deal with bigger wigs, but things are much more on the business level (sups and foreman tend to size up if they can kick your ass as background to convo), plus generally conflict is through email instead of face to face, whereas in the field, it was always face to face.  

 

In general, office types and owners respect engineers (you solve their problems) more than on-site construction brass, to whom you are little more than a PITA.

 

I also find among people I'm comfortable with, I actually tend to become extroverted (I like to be front and center in inner-office meetings).  But only in that little comfortable bubble.

 

The hardest part for me in this job is the level of "decorum" needed.  I'm a fairly casual talker, I have decent grammar but years in construction and slight southern accent have added a twang that rubs some clients the wrong way. Small things like say "Thanks" instead of "Thank you" or writing short e-mails instead adding unnecessary (in my mind) verbage. I had a tendency to crack a few polite jokes, but quickly have decided to leave that to my co-workers who seem to be a part of their social circle.

 

I'm a girl, so maybe the foreman doesn't generally size me up as much as try to look at my butt. :-P

[Luds]

...just throwing this one in as i'm kinda stumped..

 

... just back from a biz trip with meetings/dinners and other sweat inducing shenanigans.  Come to realize that I need to start getting some "stories" to tell during those, just to blend in. The quiet, observant listener number only works to a certain limit in theses scenarios.

 

Ran through my stories and they are SO not suitable for that kind of dinner... (unless I hit the jackpot and deal with someone from the gaming, sci-fi/fantasy or obscure music and film industry... muahh)

 

Wondering if one of yous is aware of some site or book focusing on the topic, maybe even templates based on some classic structure (assume the greeks had this one sorted ages ago, as usual..) for stories I can use to spin some suitable blabla to keep me out of trouble and my fellow apes entertained. (..yeah... been a long 3 weeks out of my comfort zone ;-) )

 

 

 

 

[Artinum]

3 hours ago, Luds said:

Wondering if one of yous is aware of some site or book focusing on the topic, maybe even templates based on some classic structure (assume the greeks had this one sorted ages ago, as usual..) for stories I can use to spin some suitable blabla to keep me out of trouble and my fellow apes entertained. (..yeah... been a long 3 weeks out of my comfort zone ;-) )

 

I suspect most professional sports, and possibly most governments, exist purely to provide people with something to talk about at these events. Since both subjects send me to sleep, I struggle with this stuff myself!

 

If we ever happen to meet at a social shindig, PLEASE talk to me about sci fi, retro music and bizarre films.

[Doe]

4 hours ago, Luds said:

 

Wondering if one of yous is aware of some site or book focusing on the topic, maybe even templates based on some classic structure (assume the greeks had this one sorted ages ago, as usual..) for stories I can use to spin some suitable blabla to keep me out of trouble and my fellow apes entertained. (..yeah... been a long 3 weeks out of my comfort zone ;-) )

 

 

 

 

 

 

The cynical introvert in me wants to say that you should talk about those things and therefore confirm why you're the silent one.  But if you insist on being social *melodramatic sigh*

 

• Depending on your work, you can swap "war stories" - I work in construction so that's a thing 
• If you don't mind inane responses, stick to the asking questions rather than telling - allot of folk love to hear themselves talk, they'll consider it conversation and it's my main tactic when I have to socialize with my non-nerdy bouncer bf's friends (other non-nerdy bouncers and inane bottle service girls - I got a lot of makeup and gold digging tips that day ).
• History, on the nerd-relative scale generally go overs well with many people if it has enough explosions, deaths, or other extremes. See cracked.com for examples. ( I actually use their "The 14 Most Insane Things Happening Right" often)

[Luds]

Thanks a lot guys for bringing a smile to my face and the good suggestions. I'll work on getting these into my set

 

... just for completeness... found an app ("there's an app for everything..." aechhhh.....)

https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.mobincube.android.sc_351EL5&hl=en

not perfect, but a lifeline if the mind draws a blank

 

[Guzzi]

**Bump**

 

This thread, needs bumping, it shouldn't be on page 4. Now, off to find the "Smite" thread.  

[Artinum]

Gosh, yes. I'd forgotten I created this thread. It's lasted a lot longer than I expected at the time.

Right...

In honour of its refound status, I have a question for my fellow introverts. There's one particular person that I often feel I can't talk to, and there are many issues that I would like to resolve with him. But I know that they're going to lead to trouble if I do. The most terrifying person to talk to is my partner of about fifteen years. I feel that any criticism will be taken as nagging (I've not dared to mention the ghastly nicotine gum again).

I'm not good with confrontation, shouting at me crashes all my autistic circuits and I don't read or express emotions well. I've no idea how to handle something like this.

[TMedina]

That's tough.  I'd honestly suggest counseling, if it's an option for you two.  A 15 year relationship carries a lot of baggage that can be tough to overcome when you need to work on mutual communication skills.  

 

Additionally, a neutral third party referee can help break old habits that couples tend to fall into when trying to openly communicate with each other.

 

Good luck!

[zeroh13]

Yeah, I was going to suggest having a third person to help mediate the conversation. 

 

The other idea I had was to set some guidelines ahead of time.

 

I'm actually in the same kind of position you are. (We're at 11 years.) Things build up over the years, and it just gets harder and harder to talk about...