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gorgeousgeek

Beating an Eating Disorder Once and For All.

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Hi there! Sorry about the dramatic title, but it had to be done. I was gonna do something cutesy, maybe even incorporate some kind of nerd title in here, but I'm to the point of brutal honesty in my life and know I need to lay out all my dirty laundry right off the bat if I want to succeed. 

 

I'm a 25-year-old gal living in the big city. I have a full-time job as a Graphic Designer; and as such, I'm on my arse pretty much 10 hours a day (if you count the time spent driving to and from work). I don't live a sedentary lifestyle, but pretty close. I exercise a few times a week, but lately I've been slipping and need support to get back on track and finally reach a healthy weight.

 

Now to address that gloomy yet hopeful title... I sadly have been battling with bulimia for at least 10 years. I can't remember exactly when or how it all began, but I was bullied big-time as a kid. I've always carried at least 20 extra pounds on my frame, and kids have no mercy for pudgy nerds who wear big glasses, battle with acne, and are very good in school. I was bullied to the point where I actually stopped doing well in school, dreaded going to class in the morning, and developed bulimia as a desperate way to control my weight. I come from an obese family, so I am pretty sure I carry that dreaded "fat gene" I hear so much about. Truthfully I'm the "skinny one" in my family (even 20lbs overweight), but that doesn't help me when my family forces their rich, heavy, fat-laden dishes on me and comment about how I practically look anorexic (I don't). 

 

Last fall, I signed up a the gym and actually paid for a personal trainer to help me get started. I lost at least 10lbs, my back fat shrunk (gotta love being a pear) and my self-confidence skyrocketed. I even went so far as to get out there and find the guy whom I'm beginning to feel is the love of my life. It's a wonderful feeling, but much to my dismay I find myself slipping back into old patterns.

 

I thought I had managed my eating disorder, but my weight is starting to creep back up thanks to old bad habits and I can sense the need to "control" things again. That's not cool. When I was training, I felt so fit and happy that I didn't care what I ate, and lost weight in a healthy way. And I want to get back to that point. I want to get healthy, to show my family that they don't have to succumb to obesity, and to make my boyfriend proud (and also show him that HE can keep on track too!) 

 

I only found NF yesterday, but after reading Stacie's story I was inspired to join. I've been desperately searching for likeminded people for some time... I was part of SparkPeople, but that quickly went nowhere. I just couldn't relate to the folks there, y'know? So I'm hoping I can get this ball rolling and finally get healthy and mentally FREE, knowing I have a great community to back me up.

 

 

FAVE NERD THINGS: Full Metal Alchemist, Halo 3, zombie shooting games, Zelda, Portal, Battlestar Galactica, Fable, Cowboy Bebop, Chrono Trigger/Cross, my N64, Firefly

 

FAVE EXERCISES: Running, walking, med ball throw-downs, assisted pull-ups, butterfly presses, bar squats, and planks

 

PHEW, hope that wasn't too long! Thanks for sticking it out with me!

 

 

 

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Good on you for getting the 10lbs off; even if you're struggling a bit now, 10lbs doesn't come off without some sustained focus.  You had it once, you'll get it again.  Don't beat yourself up about old habits speaking to you again.  You'll have good days, you'll have bad days; we're living systems, and as such, we fluctuate.  It's about overall trends more so than individual episodes.  Just like anything else, with sustained focus the good will become more and more permanent over time.  The trick is the sustaining part - you gotta keep pushing yourself, which in part means not letting the one step back keep you from making the three steps forward.

 

Have you gotten professional help with your bulimia?

 

Also, poor Nina Tucker :(

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JPrev, I never really saw it that way before... as a system simply needing to gain that sustained focus. I consistently beat myself up when I slip up, and it always just degrades to the point where I am back on the couch eating pizza and watching hours of Futurama. I miss that focus I had only a few short months ago, and that's a great reminder to find it again!

 

I have had therapy for my ED in a sense.. I have a great support network who knows about it, and have outreached to folks on the internet. For the most part, I have it under control (it was baaad a few years ago), but like I said, I feel the "old me" coming back. I guess it's just a matter of finding a good plan, sticking to it, and finding the discipline to reach my goals!

 

And yes, poor Nina! That makes me sad every time the show brings her up :(

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