"Begin at the beginning...and go on till you come to the end..."

[Arawyn]

-Lewis Carroll

 

Not a huge fan of the Alice in Wonderland book, GASP!, but I have always loved that quote. I couldn't figure out where to start again with being healthy and this quote came to mind.

 

Today my goal was to join a gym and not make a total fool of myself. I would say that I was successful! I went to the gym, paid my money, and worked out for about 30 minutes without doing anything stupid. AND I was quite happy that my leg press was 190 lbs! Go me! 

 

I really just piddled around at the gym today. I warmed up, used a few machines, did some cardio, and left. I know, I know, machines aren't as good for you as using free weights. I am a bit intimidated by them, but turns out that I have a friend that also goes to that gym and she uses free weights. I am supposed to meet with her on Monday and we are going to train together WOOT!! I am very excited about this. I was overthinking how I was going to figure out the correct form and weight and just felt lost. Luckily someone is there to help me. Once I get the basics I am going to rock it! So I figured that for today I would mostly just check the place out. Not too bad. 

 

My goal is going to be to weight lift 3 times a week and do some cardio. Not too much to start. I will also work on cleaning up my eating. I eat paleo for the most part. Today wasn't a good day with food, but moving on...I throw some cheese in there sometimes too, so it might be more primal than anything. 

 

Another more personal goal is to not weigh myself as much or beat myself up when I don't do as well as I set out to do. I am really mean to myself. I read somewhere to talk to yourself as you would talk to a friend, and as dumb as that sounds it really helps. I will be weighing myself and keeping track with measurements and pictures starting on Monday and I will do that once a month so I can watch my progress.

 

Aaannnnddddd GO!

 

 

And friends would be cool! We should be friends! 

[Arawyn]

So, today wasn't my best day, but it wasn't horrible. I didn't eat as good as I could have, but I drank tons of water and took a 20 minute walk after dinner. Not a complete failure, but there is room for improvement. But I'm not going to beat myself up for; I am just going to think about how I feel from today and remember it the next time chips are calling my name...

 

My main reason for posting in my battle log tonight is to set a few goals for tomorrow. First off I am thinking about going to the gym in the morning, even if it's just for 30 minutes to run on the elliptical. Just do something so I feel more positive about the changes I am making. My second goal is to be nice to myself. I am the MOH in my bestie's wedding and tomorrow we are all going to try on our dresses for said wedding. Now I am not a fan of trying on clothes at all, so my goal is to not beat myself up the whole time and try to focus on what is good instead of what I don't like because I am in the process of changing what I don't like. It isn't going to change that way overnight. And I am on the bigger end of the girls in the wedding, blah. My third and final goal is to not punch one of the bridesmaids in the face. I hate her face and everything that comes out of it. I play nice because I love my bestie, but this girl is something else. At least she'll make everything all about her and I can' just quietly freakout about trying on clothes in front of all these people, maybe if she makes a big enough scene no one will notice me...then I might hug her...wait...ew, not going to happen. 

 

 

So there you have it: 1, 2, 3

 

1. Workout somewhat

2. Be nice to the person in the mirror

3. And not punch a bitch in the face! 

[AMPish256]

Gaaaah, you are awesome.

 

First off, good on you for joining a gym. Hit those free weights girl! They intimidate me too like nobody's business. So, I'm working on finding someone I'm comfortable to train the first couple times with. Let us know how it goes!

 

I love your goals. Simple and sustainable. Fancy doesn't help when you're starting out. Already added you as a friend, so I'll see you in battle...

[Arawyn]

Thanks so much AMPish256! It's super awesome to find somewhere where I can write about this crap and not feel like a weirdo! 

 

Secondly, I was perusing your profile and we go to the same Ren fest! SWEET!! Love it there.

 

So as an update for today, I didn't make it to the gym. I decided to spend sometime on myself and feel pretty, oh so pretty. HA! PLUS we are going on a 16 mile hike tomorrow and I'll have a 30ish pound pack on my back, so I am sure that I will make up for it then. I don't think I threw out there that I am an avid hiker. My love for the woods is what makes me love elves more that any other race.

 

ANYWAYS...positive things, I got my dress and I like it. I didn't tear myself apart with the really (and I mean really) horrible ones that I put on before the good one. All it takes in one winner. I'm so excited. I'll have to post pictures of it. I am going to try to lose a little bit of weight and tone up for her wedding, so maybe a before and after! 

 

As for the bitch, SHE WASN'T THERE!!!!!!!!!! AND on an even more exciting note, she isn't even in the wedding anymore. My friend finally had enough of her shit and she it out of here!!! I can't explain my excitement! So no one got punched in the face and everyone had a great time. The end!

 

Goals for tomorrow:

 

Not die while hiking the 16 miles. I'll just stick with that one. 

 

This will be the longest hike that we have made yet. I am hoping that I do well because we are planning to do the Maryland portion of the AT the first week in July. 

[AMPish256]

*jumps in window* I feel pretty and witty and BRIIIIIGHT! *rolls back out*

(In regards to Ren Faire, that's awesome! What a coincidence!)

[Arawyn]

Well, the hike didn't turn out as expected. We needed to cross a river and we have had a lot of rain this past week, so it was way too high and moving too quickly. We ended up doing about 9 miles AND I HURT! Part of it was walking on a paved path; that always kills my knees and feet. I have just been so tired this past week and I hope that is what is dragging me down. I am actually happy that we didn't go the whole 16; I am not to sure I would have been able to make it. I'm sure that we'll do another long hike soon though. It just seems that once I get to 8 miles I am done and I just want to go home. I am going to need to do 40 miles in 4 days and the first day we need to go 12 miles. UGH! I have hiked the first day before so I know that I can do it, but I am still freaking out about it a little. It's more being able to get moving on the second day. At least after the first day it is only a little over 9 miles a day. I should be able to do that AND while sleeping in the woods I get up like super early, so we should have plenty of time to get where we're going.

 

On a different note AMPish25 we were singing "I Feel Pretty" while on our hike today. HA! Loved it, and some other ones, like "Love Shack"...that's how we roll out in those woods

 

I wasn't too bad with food today, but I did burn over 1,000 calories hiking, so even if I was bad, it couldn't have been that bad. Love the calories that I rack up while backpacking. On a junky note, my monitor wasn't keeping good track of my heart rate...not cool. It kept on saying there wasn't a heartbeat. My non-dead body would have to disagree...and while we were walking up some steeper areas it said that I had a heart rate of 58...um no. I have been working towards a lower resting heart rate, but nope it should have been like 110-120. So poo. I am going to have to look into getting that fixed. 

 

So for tomorrow I am not planning on doing too much. It's a holiday. My son is in scouts and they walk in the parade, so that can count as a workout. It's always super hot. I hate walking in the parade. That and laundry and relaxing. Then we'll move on to the gym tomorrow. Woot!! I am hoping that my friend still wants to go with me. She hasn't responded to me and I talked about starting at the gym on Monday, but had to say "I know I said Monday and that I am really ready to workout, but just not this Monday"...hopfully I'll hear from her soon and everything will be awesome and we can lift some weights!! 

[Arawyn]

So I've been slacking. I've been eating better and I hope to keep that up today, but I have been so tired! I didn't go to the gym yesterday and ended up taking a nap and this morning I slept in instead of trying to wake up and go. So I feel like a bum, BUT for the first time in a while I don't feel exhausted. Maybe I really needed that extra sleep. I am hoping to start my weight lifting routine tomorrow. My friends invited me over for crabs, but I should be able to quickly squeeze the first lifting workout in there. I found a really cool thing on bodybuilding.com, they have a great calendar that keeps track of the workout that you choose. The one that I picked is pretty rigorous. It involves a workout everyday. I am not sure that I am going to be able to do that because of normal life and how busy it gets, but that is my goal. Today I am graduating with my AA, so I am going to go out and enjoy dinner with my family and behave (food wise) the rest of the day. 

 

Goals for today and tomorrow:

1. Eat well and make a good choice for dinner

2. Get my butt to the gym tomorrow

3. ....I can't think of a third. I think I just need to focus on starting my workouts tomorrow. 

[AMPish256]

Good goals, get it gurl!

Congratulations, by the way.

And thank you from a distant observer for keeping updated.

[Arawyn]

So....I WENT TO THE GYM!!! And I did very well. I didn't do one of the exercises because the guys at the gym were all hanging around it and I needed to scoot out so that I could go to my friends house for crabs! YUM!!!! I feel pretty good about everything today and I feel positive. While I was doing cardio I was thinking that I don't want to do this everyday, but oh well. If I want to feel better about the way that I look I have to do this everyday. And when I reach my goal I can slack off a little. Not that I can totally go back to how I was before but I can workout every other day or something. 

 

The program that I choose doesn't seem too bad. My arms are so weak though. All my strength is in my lower body.

 

Oh, and I got the dress today for my friends wedding. It fits and is actually a little lose. If I lose weight I'll have to get it tailored, but I don't mind! I'll have to take pictures of now and later in the dress to see the difference. Hopefully there will be a difference. I don't like how it looks across my shoulders. I feel like I look really broad and chunky...oh well. It was the best dress out of what I could choose from. I am going to do my pictures and measurements this weekend. My before pictures as well.

 

So for goals...I'll just stick with two for tomorrow:

1. Go to the gym again!!! And Love it!

2. Eat good food... did OK, but there is always better

[AMPish256]

Awesome job! Getting there and doing it the first time is the hardest.

Keep it up!

[Arawyn]

YEA! Day two of going to the gym and I didn't feel like going. I was tired and it was a long Friday, but I didn't let myself think about it and I just went in on manual. I am glad that I went. I never regret going, but I always regret not going. I have to remember that when I don't feel like it. I also think that writing in this log helps a lot. I don't like keeping track of calories and workouts and all of that, but just writing what I am thinking about and how I felt helps more than anything else seems to. So I'll keep it up

 

Back to the gym. I feel like I did OK. I stuck to the machine versions of the weight lifting. AND WHAT'S SO WRONG WITH THAT?! I am intimidated by the big muscular guys that are lifting 50 pound dumbbells while I am doing the same exercise with 7.5 pounds (and dying)...I feel like I need to go to them and be like, I have no idea what I am doing and I need your help. And then I am afraid they are going to laugh at me, call me a fatty, and send me home as they pick up heavier weights and watch their muscles pop out of their shirts. I know they aren't really going to do that, but I just don't feel like I belong over there with them. I feel like I should go to the gym of out of shape people who don't really workout and just do cardio...but I don't want to be that. I want to walk over there and be like *babow* look at that little girl go, she can really pick shit up and put it back down again. That would be awesome. I just can't get myself to go over there and get started. Seriously their arms are the size of my legs, and my legs aren't small! But for now I am hanging around the machines and doing my sorry little 30 pounds on them. Ugh...I'll get there. I just really need to build up some confidence. 

 

On a good note: At the gym today I ran into a friend who is going to meet me there tomorrow and show me the basics of lifting with a barbell. He promised that he wouldn't laugh when I die lifting 20 pounds. I hope that it goes well. Tomorrow is a cardio day, so I am going to get there and get my cardio out of the way before I am supposed to meet him to learn the basics. I am excited and I hope that it helps with my confidence. 

 

And my arms hurt...ouch

 

I did pretty good eating today. I made good choices with what was available. I need to go to the grocery store (tomorrow) and get some more food in this house. I forgot my breakfast today...that made it harder to not gorge on something crappy when I finally got lunch, but I had chicken salad salad. Which is mayo chicken salad on a salad and it is amazing. I know that mayo isn't a great choice, but I could have gotten a burger and fries and I hadn't eaten since last night! And chicken and salad for dinner; I'm not branching out today.

 

So for goals:

1. Remember how good it feels to workout and stay motivated

2. Get up earlier and get to the gym early to get my cardio in before my idiot's guide to weight lifting

3. Staturday. Get those pictures and measurements in. (I've been good at not weighing myself but IDK if there will be much of a difference or not)

And...4. Get good food from the store so that eating better is easier. 

[AMPish256]

I can soooo relate to being intimidated. But, it sounds like you're on the right track and picking up speed! Maybe once your friend shows you around a barbell, you'll have a little more confidence in the gym?

[Arawyn]

Um....down two pounds?! I'LL F'ING TAKE THAT!!!!!!!!! OMG! That is how you start your weekend off on a great note! Going to the gym. I'll post the rest of my measurements later 

[Arawyn]

Today was an awesome day! I made all of my goals...well, I didn't take my measurements yet...maybe tomorrow, I'm tired. 

 

So, I got up early and was at the gym by 7:30 (I forgot how much I enjoyed getting to the gym that early!) and did my cardio before my friend showed me how to lift. I have no idea why I was so intimidated by it. I mean, he really helped me out and I feel confidant about my workout tomorrow, but I think from what I watched on youtube and bodybuilding.com I pretty much could have just gone for it. Having someone say do this and not that, or you're doing that right/wrong really made me feel better about all of it. I have the confidence to get in there tomorrow morning and get it done. PLUS I got on the scale this morning and I was down two pounds! I have been saying that I need to eat better, but I guess I haven't been as bad as I thought I was. Still there is always places to tighten up my eating habits. 

 

I went to the store today and now I have plenty of healthy choices, and the not so healthy choices that my husband and son eat...but I should be good. Oh, and I drove 30 minutes to the store and realized my wallet was at home...so then I got to drive all the way back home and then back to the store...seriously! At least I realized it before I put stuff in a cart and tried to buy it!

 

So, I'm feeling pretty good today. I branched out a bit on my cardio and tried the stationary bike. Turns out I really like it, and it's closer to the CNN television instead of Fox "News", so another plus. I don't look at the time every 30 seconds when I'm on the bike, but I still feel like I get a really good workout. So, after my cardio, idiots guide to lifting classes, cleaning, laundry, and going to the store (twice...), I did some weeding out front. My arms HURT! And it turns out I am allergic to something...I'm pretty sure it's the mint, I hate the mint! So now I'm all bumpy and itchy. Oh well, hopefully it will clear up quickly.

 

YEA! I feel like I had an awesome day and I hope to remember how great I feel about it!

Goals for tomorrow:

1. Rock the hell out of my lifts tomorrow, like a boss

2. Up my water intake

3. Take the pictures and measurements...damn it! 

 

Now it's time for Titans! Night!!

[Arawyn]

OH GOOD GOD DAMN!!!! I loathe leg day! It makes me not want to workout ever again. It was so hard and I expected to rock it. I thought that I had strong legs...ummmm not as strong as I thought. I might hang out on the couch for the rest of the day...I have some anime that I can catch up on!! Well, I'll at least sit for the next hour or so. Man, I feel weak! 

 

I keep thinking about losing 2 pounds already and how good it feels and that I am not going to rock every single workout. I shouldn't care that the weight I am lifting is low because it is more important to have good form and I can work up to a higher weight. Rereading my more positive posts helps. 

 

Well, I'm pooped and I'm going to watch some Samurai Champloo.

 

OH, and another motivational thing I have been doing is pinning outfits on Pinterest! All the pretty things I'm going to wear when I have to buy new clothes. FUN FUN!!

[Arawyn]

Still not liking leg day. I missed the gym today because I had to take my son to the dentist, but it was probably for the better anyways. MY LEGS ARE KILLING ME!!!!! Hopefully they will be feeling better tomorrow. Today was supposed to be back, biceps, and cardio, while tomorrow is only cardio, so I might do both the lifting and cardio tomorrow since I missed out on it today. But no legs!

I did good with eating. I tried to branch out for dinner and it turns out cod is disgusting. So I didn't really eat dinner, but I wasn't that hungry today anyway.

Goals!

1. Water...I'm having a hard time doing this while usually it is easy

2. Figure out a stretch for outer thighs

3. Go to sleep earlier, it's almost tomorrow!

[Arawyn]

So, lets start my week of excuses...Monday, I had to take my son to the dentist. Tuesday, my stomach was upset and I hung around the bathroom all evening. Wednesday, the hardest day for me to go to the gym since I have to get my son from my mom by 4:30 and I can only go to the gym if my little brother isn't working...so no gym today. Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, we are camping with scouts. If I don't go tomorrow I will not have gone to the gym all damn week! I am mad about this! I want to go and I feel like I am just making excuses and I am getting mad at myself because this is the first time that I have really felt changes in my body from workout and it is doing it very quickly. I want this! I want to look hot when I go to the beach in September for my friends wedding! I want everyone to notice the changes that I am making. I don't want to feel ugly and self conscious anymore! 

 

I am trying to be OK with this. I knew that weeks like this are going to happen I just don't want them to happen all of the time. I have a busy life, I work full time and I have a child who is in time consuming activities, which I am also a part in. I have a big role in a wedding and all the things that I need to do are coming up. Not to mention that pretty much every weekend from here until Mid August is booked! I just can't let every week be an excuse week. I need to go to the gym tomorrow, just so I feel better about it.

 

I got this. There will be bad weeks where I might not be able to go to the gym once, but there will be weeks where I'll make it every day. I'll strive for the weeks where I go everyday and love it! Again, I have to tell myself that this problem isn't going to fix itself over night. I didn't wake up 30-40 over weight, it took almost 2 years to get to where I am at. It was so slow I still am surprised by what I look like in pictures and my reflections. It is what it is and I am going to take time for myself and fix it. It isn't going to be easy, but it will be worth it. 

 

Goals:

1. Water...again I don't get what is up with this!! 

2. Take measurements tonight so I at least feel like I am doing something

3. GO TO THE GYM TOMORROW. I always hear that if it is that important you'll make time for it, well there are only so many hours in a day and there are even less hours where I don't have to have my son with me (my gym doesn't have daycare and I can't afford one that does) I have a very small window of time where I can workout. If something comes up in that window, that's it. I can't go. I just have to try to plan around that window. 

[Arawyn]

Time to beat myself up. I didn't go to the gym today and I ate like crap. I could up with a million excuses, but I just didn't do it. I am not feeling up to working out today. It just isn't in me. It was a horrible week and next week will be better. I just want to be home and to relax tonight. I don't regret not going today. I'll do better next week. I am not going to fix bad behaviors in one week. It's something that I am going to have to work on over time. 

 

This weekend I am going to work on getting my eating up to par. I am still not regretting not going to the gym though, usually I do. I'm actually glad that I missed today...just a blah day I guess. 

[BalianIronguard]

Blah days can be expected. The past couple of days are ones I haven't been happy about myself. But there WILL be good ones. You got some fire in you, take that fire and focus it into making your gym workouts happen! Heehee... Think about what Mugen would do

[Arawyn]

True. And I am smaller, down another two pounds!! So I'm pretty stoked about that! Thanks for the positive post!

Mugen kicks ass and takes names! I do have a love for Jin though...My brother and I have now moved on to Eden of the East. Have you watched that? Not to bad. We only have movie 2 left.

[BalianIronguard]

Hmm... Sounds VAGUELY familiar, though I'm drawing a blank on where from. And Jin is kinda hoss I'll admit it actually now that I think about it using them as analogies is actually useful. You take the training and perfect form of Jin and splash in the stubbornness and adaptability of Mugen, and you have good exercising traits.