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I got the 42 positive, honest self appraisals in Milythaels'  HOoRAY,

(as the moment, Bekah, the Druid ambassador, as the boss).

 

And still counting! A part of what helped me succeed was that it was always in the back of my mind reminding about positive things, and all that "about surrounding yourself with positive people", yanno?

 

So, I was very, very broken until the last week, somewhere inside me I still am, but I am doing

a f*cking insane progress. I can't really believe how awesome this is! I am not sure, if this is borderline delusional,

but what the hell! Given where I am coming, this is welcomed for a change. And where I am going, when the endorphins and dopamine ( = The moments/days when it could rains shit and you'd keep on smiling) 

levels drop, these things still stay, and are a golden line in the middle of day-to-day living that so often is disillusioned and hopeless.

 

- Fending off for the moment the Demonemon (the negative voice we all have to some degree that tries to bring you down and keep you there)

- A lot of brutal, honest, wickedly useful and fun (Yeah! I know!) self-appraisal, realisations, stomping on the lies we feed to ourselves, throwing out of the window several parts of the useless, bad habit-ridden crap we haul around daily,

- I'm getting better  at stomping down my ego, pride, stubbornness and fear of change

- As there is said to be the delusion with young people that

"life goes on forever, there's always a new tomorrow and

I am immortal, I cannot die, ever", thinking about death daily has ground that illusion to the ground.

The very, very little things good, that I mostly took granted, hit me sometimes speechless. 

- And I still like doing immature, unexpected, weird, useless things just for the fun of it, giving a mental middle-finger to the "Oh, what other people think about me"-thought -hell, let them look! Comparing to the shitstorm I have gone and going through, I have a lot less to fear.

- Oh yeah, if this or my struggles helps someone, ever, let me know! It would make my day!

 

I feel solemn at the face of this all, because these things usually take a lifetime to learn,

and can't be really taught by anyone else, they have to be lived to be learned.

And kept alive constantly after learned.

And I am barely past 20 years!

 

And how miraculously I happened to be given the hardships, that I have  survived, to

find out these things, and the knowledge and tools to learn all that I have learned

 and be here in the forums, with this swirling, wonderful atmosphere.

 

It is not over, but going to the right direction!

  • Like 6

"There is beauty in hardship / There are poems in grief" -Assemblage 23, Damaged

| STR:2.25 | DEX:2.25 | STA:2 | CON:1.25 | CHA:3.25 | WIS:7 | A place I will collect my woots - if I remember

Challenges | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 |  6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 15.115.2 |

Milythaels'  HOoRAY for which I am grateful | Today, right now, I am alive. And that is good.

It is amazing the power of those small gestures of love and kindness have on our lives. <3 - Liberator

"I myself am made entirely of flaws, stiched together with good intentions." - Augusten Burroughs, Magical thinking:True stories

"Pick up the pieces and keep going, one painfully slow step at a time." Hiraedd the twice-risen, hamadryad. 

"Spread love and understanding. Use force if necessary." - Leon Trotsky

"Let me think about the people I care about the most, and when they fail or disappoint me, I still love them, I still give them chances, and I still see the best in them. Let me extend that generosity to myself." zefrank1, An Invocation for Beginnings

"I don't feel guilty for wanting. That's like being mad because you have to breathe or pee. It just is." Someone in Reddit

"If you do strange things, strange things will happen!"

"That's it! Now go make something beautiful." -Jake Parker

 

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Woot, indeed! Congratulations on all of your progress and endurance and insights!

All men dream, but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds, wake in the day to find that it was vanity:

but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act on their dreams with open eyes, to make them possible.

~T. E. Lawrence

 

When we contemplate the whole globe as one great dewdrop, striped and dotted with continents and islands,

flying through space with other stars all singing and shining together as one, the whole universe appears as an infinite storm of beauty. 
~John Muir

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Did ask a girl out. She already had a boyfriend,

but what might've happened is interesting.

I am a small fraction braver now.

  • Like 2

"There is beauty in hardship / There are poems in grief" -Assemblage 23, Damaged

| STR:2.25 | DEX:2.25 | STA:2 | CON:1.25 | CHA:3.25 | WIS:7 | A place I will collect my woots - if I remember

Challenges | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 |  6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 15.115.2 |

Milythaels'  HOoRAY for which I am grateful | Today, right now, I am alive. And that is good.

It is amazing the power of those small gestures of love and kindness have on our lives. <3 - Liberator

"I myself am made entirely of flaws, stiched together with good intentions." - Augusten Burroughs, Magical thinking:True stories

"Pick up the pieces and keep going, one painfully slow step at a time." Hiraedd the twice-risen, hamadryad. 

"Spread love and understanding. Use force if necessary." - Leon Trotsky

"Let me think about the people I care about the most, and when they fail or disappoint me, I still love them, I still give them chances, and I still see the best in them. Let me extend that generosity to myself." zefrank1, An Invocation for Beginnings

"I don't feel guilty for wanting. That's like being mad because you have to breathe or pee. It just is." Someone in Reddit

"If you do strange things, strange things will happen!"

"That's it! Now go make something beautiful." -Jake Parker

 

Link to post

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