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In which Sarah Barr discovers new lands.


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A Hobbit Adventure

Chapter 5: The Four-Bellied Oyster

 

Spiorad enjoyed studying nature. As a very little toddling hobbitling, she could often be found upside down in a patch of thorns, flailing about and whimpering something about butterflies that got away. Other favourite pastimes had included "What's that dead thing? Is that its oesophagus?" and "How many hundreds of pinecones can we give to mummy before she gets annoyed?". That love had never really subsided, although nowadays she usually cleaned the pinecones and sprayed them gold first. So when she was strolling through the market with her little wicker basket full of vegetables, and she spotted a stall for the Royal Society for the Protection of Dragons, she immediately hobbited over to look.

 

The stall keeper wore clothes that weren't particularly clean and were particularly scruffy, and her skin was the kind of firm gold that comes from spending every day engrossed in something out in the wild. She looked fed up sitting under the plastic canopy full of fluttering leaflets, which smelled of musty plastic.

 

"Join the RSPD for just two gold coins a month and get a free pin!" She smiled with the weary smile of the hopeless, and shook a tray of little brass pins.

 

"What do you do?"

 

"Well, we're known for our great work protecting dragons all over the country, but your membership money also goes to help so many local projects, like our work with raising orphaned griffin cubs in the Skrak Mountains, and overseas projects, like our campaign to preserve the habitat for the endangered fire muppets in the Bog of Eternal Stench. And you get a free pin, did I say that?"

 

The little hobbit knew she could probably spare two gold a month if she gave up little luxuries like washing, or protein, but she felt awkward about signing up to things on the street.

 

"Is there anything practical I can do to help apart from donate? I studied ecology and I can do a good Phase 1 Habitat Survey!"

 

The stall keeper looked around for eavesdroppers. Spiorad was the first person to come up to her stall in two hours, so they were good. She leaned in close and whispered.

 

"There's a secret project... HQ say if the wrong people get wind of it..." she swallowed hard. "...We think... they're back."

 

"Who's back?"

 

The stall keeper stared darkly into her eyes. She took two coconut fairy feeders and banged them together...

 

Clop. Clop. Clop.

 

Spiorad had heard of unicorns. Everyone had heard of unicorns. When she was a hobbitling, it was only tales of unicorns that kept her from wandering too far into the forest. They said that sometimes, on the darkest, windiest nights, the unicorns came blowing out of the sea. They said that their eyes were like whirlpools, and they would find naughty children and suck their souls right out of their bodies and into their dead, white, whirlpool eyes. And on stormy nights, little Spiorad would hide her head under her pillow, trembling as she heard the soft scraping noises of unicorn horns against her bedroom window.

 

But she always woke in the morning and saw the fingery tree branch pressed against the glass, and there were far naughtier hobbitlings than her who clearly still had souls. And so as she grew up, she stopped believing, as other children stopped believing in the Hogfather, or the Solstice Badger.

 

The stall keeper was still staring at her, coconut halves poised.

 

"But I thought unicorns were a myth..." Spiorad whispered.

 

"Uni- oh. No. Goaticorns."

 

Goaticorns were built like unicorns, with one important, flatulent, jumper-nibbling difference. Unlike unicorns - the pure, hellish-cold embodiment of divine wrath - goaticorns were just another species of goat, with a long, single horn. What was special about the goaticorn was its diet, and the consequences thereof. They lived almost entirely on exotic orchids, and an enzyme in their stomachs converted the orchid flowers into huge nuggets of pearl when they passed out the other end. It earned them the nickname "the four-bellied oyster", and it was believed that jewellers had hunted them to extinction a hundred years ago. (Some still claim to have heard their majestic cries ("AAAAAAAAAAAAAA") in the wildest of the wild jungles, often near high waterfalls where, actually, hmm, there was a mountain climber up there a second ago... Ooh, did you hear that big splash? There must be some REALLY big fish in that pool down there...)

 

"Really? Where?"

 

"Not far from here... apparently some centaur traders tried to smuggle some in from the Maguuma Jungle, for some private collector, and they escaped! We think with the right protection we could bring the population back! And the Royal Gardens are having an orchid display soon..."

 

The little hobbit loved orchids, and not just because they are named orchids because their bulbs are named after an ancient word for certain man-hobbit parts.

 

"So what do you want me to do?"

 

"I want you to go to the Gardens and scout them out! We need a report on what kinds of orchid there are, how much space is up there for them to roam, and most importantly, you need to count the squirrels!"

 

"Why squirrels?" Spiorad had once endured an interesting experience with a bushy tailed little monster who pelted her in the face with bits of pinecone. 

 

"We're buying special squirrel-feeders and I'm supposed to find out how many we'll need."

 

"So it's got nothing to do with the goaticorns."

 

"Well, no."

 

"And I'm just doing your paid work for you. For free."

 

"You said you wanted to help."

 

"What's in it for me?"

 

"Knowledge that you're helping bring back a precious species."

 

"What about the squirrels?"

 

"Knowledge that you're giving a dedicated conservationist more time alone with her Magic Picture Box."

 

Spiorad stared at her with a blank face.

 

"... I'll also give you something rare and valuable from one of the goaticorns we're looking after."

 

"Deal."

 

They shook hands, and Spiorad wandered back off into the market with a smile. She hoped it was safe to bleach pearls.

 

 

MISSION: WEEK THREE - SURVEY THE GARDENS FOR GOATICORN SUITABILITY

 

1) Go to the Botanic Gardens. 

 

2) Walk around as much of the park as possible, counting squirrels. 

 

3) Explore the orchid exhibition.

 

4) Go to the hothouses, to see if there are more orchids, and try not to shout FISHIES at the fish in the lilypad pond. You're a big girl now.

 

5) FISHIES

 

6) Meet the lazy stall keeper at the cafe for your reward.

 

 

 

 

P.S. When we moved into our current flat I found a teatowel left behind by the last occupants. It had this on it...

 

 

1.-The-Unicorn-in-Captivity_600_cloister

 

 

It is my favourite teatowel in the whole world.

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Sarah Barr - Level 13 Warhobbit

STR 18 | DEX 7 | STA 17 | CON 38 | WIS 28 | CHA 12


 Challenges:  1   2   3   4   5   6   7  8  9  10  11  12  13  14  15  16  17  18  19 20  21  22  23  24  25 (Current)

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Things got in way of adventure this weekend, but the orchid exhibition at the Botanics is on until the 20th of July, so yay!

 

Going to try gym today. Machines were suggested, so I'll give them a go if I can't dumbbell. Otherwise, let's call it a Leg Day.

 

I can't say I know how well I did on diet last week; tried to keep portions reasonable and protein content up, but also did not bother recording anything. 

 

Have a lot of catching up to do on oceans course, so I am banning myself from bringing sewing to work until I've got back up to this week's stuff!

 

One of my flatmates does classics, and she may have convinced me to set an ancient Greco-Roman theme for my birthday. So I' trying to work out how to make a vegetarian version of honeyed dormice. I'm thinking cleverly cut vegetarian sausages. With fake bacon ribbons for tails. And tiny cloves for little X shaped eyes. Oh dear.

 

Work! Oceans! Stuff! Yes!

 

Have a good day, halfway already!!

Sarah Barr - Level 13 Warhobbit

STR 18 | DEX 7 | STA 17 | CON 38 | WIS 28 | CHA 12


 Challenges:  1   2   3   4   5   6   7  8  9  10  11  12  13  14  15  16  17  18  19 20  21  22  23  24  25 (Current)

Accountabiddlydoodlies Group                 Current Weight: 106.1kg                      Recipe Book               

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I believe in Nanny Ogg's cookbook was a recipe for rat pizza, but I don't remember what they used for rats...

 

OK, google does remember. :)

 

http://books.google.de/books?id=wsq-HWopsZ8C&pg=PA100&lpg=PA100&dq=nanny+oggs+cookbook+rat+pizza&source=bl&ots=WXDP8mXW7d&sig=lTfXn9Bx2hKlsgl_M-Q6f03jsnY&hl=de&sa=X&ei=Hi2xU_3NGqnB7Aam7oHYBA&ved=0CEEQ6AEwAQ#v=onepage&q=nanny%20oggs%20cookbook%20rat%20pizza&f=false

 

Although they use roast beef slices to cover the rat forms... :D Not sure what a veggie equivalent could be.

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Hobbit 

Challenges: 14 | 13 | 12 | 11 | 10 | 9| 7 | 6 | 5 | 4 | 3 | 2 | 1

My shiny new "battle" log - probably more of a plodding-along log, but hey, it's mine!

 

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Haha, I love Nanny Ogg, need to get that book!

 

You can find veggie roast beef slices; the Quorn ones are ok but I'm sure that vegan one I tried was secretly mostly damp cardboard...

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Sarah Barr - Level 13 Warhobbit

STR 18 | DEX 7 | STA 17 | CON 38 | WIS 28 | CHA 12


 Challenges:  1   2   3   4   5   6   7  8  9  10  11  12  13  14  15  16  17  18  19 20  21  22  23  24  25 (Current)

Accountabiddlydoodlies Group                 Current Weight: 106.1kg                      Recipe Book               

"I hold... that a man should strive to the uttermost for his life's set prize" - Robert Browning

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Pictures shall abound! Provided I can pin down a friend with any kind of camera!

 

I still haven't been to gym since I hurt hand. Kit is with me, and I only didn't go yesterday because I had to work till about 8pm last night and by then I was half asleep. 

 

Going to investigate what I can do with a dumbbell, and I may actually try a barbell today - my reasoning is, you can hold a barbell in the crook of your arm if you can'd hold it in your hands, so I can still do some horrendous form of barbell squats if I can't do goblet squats with a dumbbell.

 

Otherwise, it shall be a session of hovering around the leg press machine bobbing up and down with bodyweight squats like some kind of creepy bird.

 

Squat

 

Are you finished yet?

 

Squat

 

12-potoo_bird.jpg

 

Squat.

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Sarah Barr - Level 13 Warhobbit

STR 18 | DEX 7 | STA 17 | CON 38 | WIS 28 | CHA 12


 Challenges:  1   2   3   4   5   6   7  8  9  10  11  12  13  14  15  16  17  18  19 20  21  22  23  24  25 (Current)

Accountabiddlydoodlies Group                 Current Weight: 106.1kg                      Recipe Book               

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Welp, it transpires that I can't pick up the heavy things with duffed up hand. Absolutely can't. But I'm off to the doctor - a proper, sober doctor this time, not a drunk (although admittedly final year) med student - on Friday so we'll see what they say.

 

If nothing else, I might get some tasty painkillers so I can do things like write without it bothering me.

 

Contingency plan in action! Can't weights, machines are too busy at gym, so I shall do bodyweight squats, lunges, planks on elbows and whatever else I can do every other day until I can pick up heavy things again. 

 

New mini-mission! See what happens first: being able to do a pistol squat, or being able to pick up heavy things.

 

Yay, something I can work towards!

 

Have a great Wednesday. 

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Sarah Barr - Level 13 Warhobbit

STR 18 | DEX 7 | STA 17 | CON 38 | WIS 28 | CHA 12


 Challenges:  1   2   3   4   5   6   7  8  9  10  11  12  13  14  15  16  17  18  19 20  21  22  23  24  25 (Current)

Accountabiddlydoodlies Group                 Current Weight: 106.1kg                      Recipe Book               

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I like your commitment to the cause despite all the setbacks. And I prefer the idea of bodyweight workouts. I always tell myself I can pick up XXX lbs of cold metal, but with bodyweight squats, you're doing the exercises with XXX lbs of pure awesome and that's gotta be worth more, right?

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If it's not siesta or fiesta, I'm not interested. 

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Hee! 

I'm going to use my camping rucksack as a weight for squats; if I fill it with enough bottles of water it should be a pretty decent hands-free level-upper! Setbacks make everything too boring. Need to move forward!

 

Was looking forward to catching up on my oceans stuff and suddenly a tonne of work happened. They keep giving me stuff to do 5 minutes before hometime so I've been late by a couple of hours twice this week. Nearly missed pub last night. Horrifying, yes. But when I finally made it to pub I saw a friend I hadn't seen in a long time! Turns out he'd got engaged and moved to Cardiff, and I'd spent the last half year thinking he was still in Edinburgh and just didn't like us any more. This is considerably better. 

 

Also only broke a glass last night instead of any bones. Yay? Table was wobbly, hadn't even managed to drink the drink in it yet. Pout.

 

Trying to think of the adventure for this weekend! It's a double, including the botanic gardens adventure I missed last week, but I'm not sure where to go. 

 

SWEET, low tide's at 15:16 this Sunday! Beach adventure!! Maybe there will be scary unicorns.

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Sarah Barr - Level 13 Warhobbit

STR 18 | DEX 7 | STA 17 | CON 38 | WIS 28 | CHA 12


 Challenges:  1   2   3   4   5   6   7  8  9  10  11  12  13  14  15  16  17  18  19 20  21  22  23  24  25 (Current)

Accountabiddlydoodlies Group                 Current Weight: 106.1kg                      Recipe Book               

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Welp, hand is broken!

 

Might be getting it reset. Need to see what GP says when she sees x-rays. 

 

Way behind on so much stuff this challenge, work really picked up so I've been so busy and therefore tired at night, and with the hand I've really slid regarding weights. Did exercise this week, in that I spent the whole weekend cleaning vigorously (landlord may come over to help with the people currently vivisecting my bathroom - and I mean vivisecting, that thing is alive - and he will inevitably go grab a cup of tea in kitchen and see the hell that lies within if I don't clean), but that meant that I missed adventures again. 

 

Making a sensible decision: forget about passing this challenge. Not going to happen. I am fine with this.

 

Final contingency plans:

 

- Just eat clean.

- Squat what you can squat

- Walk whenever you can

- Make as many notes on oceans course before it goes offline, so you can retake it when you actually have time to learn all the things.

- Make the most of Birthday weekend - go do adventures you've missed.

 

If I can write more adventures, I will post them! But if I have time to write adventures I have time to do the oceans coursework. Will post updates as normal though!

<3

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Sarah Barr - Level 13 Warhobbit

STR 18 | DEX 7 | STA 17 | CON 38 | WIS 28 | CHA 12


 Challenges:  1   2   3   4   5   6   7  8  9  10  11  12  13  14  15  16  17  18  19 20  21  22  23  24  25 (Current)

Accountabiddlydoodlies Group                 Current Weight: 106.1kg                      Recipe Book               

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Its a shame about your wrist, but great job on the contingency plans! 

Check out my character here!

Previous challenges: one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, nineteen,

 

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." Mark Twain.

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Welp, hand is broken!

 

Might be getting it reset. Need to see what GP says when she sees x-rays. 

 

 

Ouch, I hope you're not in too  much pain. And happy birthday for this weekend :D x

If it's not siesta or fiesta, I'm not interested. 

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Hi guys!

 

So a big issue for me has been the lack of an overarching plan. It's just been a vague "be awesome at field ecology" kind of thing. But now I have a plan, and it comes with its own bootcamps! Committing to the goal of doing Tough Mudder next year. Made a new battle log for it, which is in my signature, and I will use that for big things like post-challenge progress reports, while I'll break down the work into challenge-sized chunks and talk about it on appropriate challenge threads. 

 

Hand is doing good, GP did send me to A&E and a triage nurse gave me little bandages with which to strap pinkie to ring finger to keep pinkie nice and safe. Fracture clinic will get back to me, but I lifted dumbbells yesterday! In all the ways I usually do! With no pain! So I can get back to normal strength training for the rest of this challenge! 

 

Bracing myself - forgot that my gran was coming over this weekend as well as my parents. She has a habit of being incredibly blunt about weight - one time, I met her off the train and the first thing she said was a disappointed "Ah didnae recognize ye, your face is so fat".

 

Think I'm just going to moo at her if she says anything this time. She means well. But cor blimey.

 

Back to work now. Swimming later! Or drowning, unsure. Have a good day! Hope I get to catch up on threads later tonight, I miss you guys and seeing what you're all doing!

<3

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Sarah Barr - Level 13 Warhobbit

STR 18 | DEX 7 | STA 17 | CON 38 | WIS 28 | CHA 12


 Challenges:  1   2   3   4   5   6   7  8  9  10  11  12  13  14  15  16  17  18  19 20  21  22  23  24  25 (Current)

Accountabiddlydoodlies Group                 Current Weight: 106.1kg                      Recipe Book               

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Bracing myself - forgot that my gran was coming over this weekend as well as my parents. She has a habit of being incredibly blunt about weight - one time, I met her off the train and the first thing she said was a disappointed "Ah didnae recognize ye, your face is so fat".

 

LOL. Grans, eh?! I actually cannot wait to be one, my superego is so bored of controlling my id.... 

 

Enjoy swimming and don't drown. 

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If it's not siesta or fiesta, I'm not interested. 

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Haha, me too, I want to skip the whole parenthood bit and just become a grandmother sometime in my mid 60s. Well, not so much a grandmother as Nanny Ogg.

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Sarah Barr - Level 13 Warhobbit

STR 18 | DEX 7 | STA 17 | CON 38 | WIS 28 | CHA 12


 Challenges:  1   2   3   4   5   6   7  8  9  10  11  12  13  14  15  16  17  18  19 20  21  22  23  24  25 (Current)

Accountabiddlydoodlies Group                 Current Weight: 106.1kg                      Recipe Book               

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Haha, me too, I want to skip the whole parenthood bit and just become a grandmother sometime in my mid 60s. Well, not so much a grandmother as Nanny Ogg.

 

I have said that before on many occasions. I'd make a great granny. My knitting and baking skills are ace and I've strongly considered joining the WI. That's all it takes, right?!

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If it's not siesta or fiesta, I'm not interested. 

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Me too!!

 

Also, love to be Nanny Ogg and have a lot of wrinkley sexy times!

 

M x

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Xanjra - Level 3 - Human

STR - 1 / DEX - 1 / STA - 8 / CON - 9 / WIS - 6 / CHA - 4

Challenge - 1 (Rebel) Challenge - 2 (Adventurer) Challenge - 3 (Adventurer)

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Battle Log 2014

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'Rule #1 - Cardio.  Zombies lead a very active life style; so should you.'  Zombieland.

 

 

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The East Midlands TM is this weekend, so assuming its about the same time next year, I have a year to get my ass into shape :) so I know the joy of planning training! Will take a look at your battle log and see if I can get inspired to up my game!

 

Good luck with your gran... Family can be the hardest people to please, and we end up causing so much extra stress for ourselves by trying to please them all... Focus on your gains and ignore anything negative she says.

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Check out my character here!

Previous challenges: one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, nineteen,

 

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." Mark Twain.

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Constructed an action plan for TM training from now to start of next challenge (see TM battle log in signature)! Feeling good about it, although still feel a bit nervous about couch to 5k: I know I want to do it out in the fresh air, but also well away from people. Not sure how I can do both those things as well as do them before or after work. Hermitage of Braid is full of joggers so that should do.

 

Gran was pleasant! The most interesting conversation was about returning a cardigan to M&S but it was nice to see her and my mum and aunt. Went to Botanics, but didn't have time to walk round much, saw the glasshouses and then they had to get their train so I can't fairly claim my quest reward for the Goaticorn adventure. Soon, though.

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Sarah Barr - Level 13 Warhobbit

STR 18 | DEX 7 | STA 17 | CON 38 | WIS 28 | CHA 12


 Challenges:  1   2   3   4   5   6   7  8  9  10  11  12  13  14  15  16  17  18  19 20  21  22  23  24  25 (Current)

Accountabiddlydoodlies Group                 Current Weight: 106.1kg                      Recipe Book               

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A Hobbit Adventure

Chapter 6: Yarr Harr Fiddle-de-Dee

 

The Royal Gardens were ablaze with colour - the scarlet flowers of vines interweaved with the sunset yellow blooms of the azaleas they covered, the brash chocolate-and-green of almost-alien irises, and the delicate, luminous, velvety peach-pink petals of the waterlilies, like ballerinas floating upside down amongst the rushes in the pond. Spiorad wandered under a canopy of every conceivable shade of green, and watched the gentle sunlight dance in dappled waltzes on the carpet of moss.

 

Her forehead was creased in puzzlement, and she only saw the botanical wonders around her through a frown. The orchids, though they were dazzling in their variety of colour and form, were not in the gardens, but in a building at the entrance. The guard at the door seemed like the type who would not suffer a deluge of magical goats. So she had gone wandering through the grounds, becoming more frustrated as the minutes turned to hours. And there was not a squirrel in sight.

 

As the sun began to set behind the towers and spires of the city, the little hobbit sat on a bench and took out the fantastically expensive scone she'd bought at a stall near the main gate. She nibbled a singed raisin thoughtfully, and resigned herself to one last look through the grove of trees in front of her. She tucked her knees under her chin, rested her hands on them and closed her eyes for a moment. 

 

She felt a tugging. 

 

She heard a crunching.

 

She smelled farm.

 

She opened her eyes. 

 

There was a goat. With a horn.

 

She gawked for a second as it finished her scone, then barrelled down the hill at it. It trotted calmly, just ahead of her, as she stumbled on clumps of ornamental grass and swore at them. Its silver coat shimmied in waves as it skipped about, and the horn shone with iridescent brilliantness when it caught the light. She leapt, and landed on it with a triumphant roar. 

 

The horn fell off. She froze and stared at it, and it made a faint "boing" sound as it pronged point-first into the ground. The goat nonchalantly shrugged her off, leaving her covered in silver spray paint. It BEEEHed at a passing pigeon, and casually sauntered off to chew at some geraniums.

 

Spiorad picked up the horn, and a cheap sequin came away in her hand. She was suddenly aware of the three long shadows, looming over her patiently. 

 

And then a sack went over her head.

 

 

..........................

 

 

She woke in darkness. The floor was moving. She found a moment to be grateful that it was in a gently heaving way and not in a covered-in-insects way. Stacks of crates, fixed to the floor with nets, creaked quietly with each lull, and she could hear waves. She hadn't been on a ship in a very long time, not since her mother and father had moved her to the mainland, but the coarse rope round her ankles meant she couldn't test her sea legs anyway. She looked at the goaticorn horn, still in her hand. The tip was bent where she'd tried to valiantly stab one of her kidnappers before she discovered that the horn was made of cardboard.

 

There was a plate next to her with a very brown half apple on it, and a bowl of what was probably porridge. She left it to the little brown mouse, who was nibbling at it as if watery gruel were the greatest thing that had ever happened. 

 

"I'd eat up, if I were you. You only get fed once a day." The voice was even gloomier than the corner it came from.

 

"Hello?" the hobbit asked.

 

A familiar person in an RSPD jumper shuffled towards her out of the dark, also bound.

 

"What ha-... wher-... What?"

 

"Welcome to piracy! You are now a pirate. Whether you do any pirating or not, the law now sees you as a pirate."

 

It was then that she noticed they had removed her beloved khakis and dressed her in striped pantaloons.

 

"What?"

 

The RSPD ranger gestured to the hold, and to her trousers.

 

"Pirate ship. Pirate. They'll keep you tied up and hungry until you're willing to cooperate, and realise you'll be hanged if you ever go home."

 

Spiorad felt her mouth drop open and hang there.

 

"Not a bad career. It beats stripping rope. Or leather tanning. Job for life, piracy. Shorter life. But you get more rum and ostentatious jewellery per unit of time than most professions."

 

The ranger scooted up next to her, put the mouse in the hobbit's pocket and started eating her apple. Spiorad picked up the probably-porridge and drank it from the bowl.

 

"I'm Effie." She held out her hand. It was red and raw. Spiorad shook it carefully.

 

"You're the one who-"

 

"Yeah. Sorry."

 

"So why are you tied up?"

 

"We all need hobbies."

 

They sat in awkward silence, eating for a while. The door at the top of the stairs swung open. A hulking figure stood silhouetted against the light. He spoke with a booming, rumbling voice.

 

"Launch is in two minutes. Come on."

 

Effie fumbled out of her ropes and easily picked up the hobbit. She lugged her over one shoulder and bounded up the stairs.

 

"Wait, are we still in port?" the hobbit whispered to the human.

 

"We left port three days ago."

 

All hands were on deck. Up the rigging. Frantically yanking on chains. When Effie set her down, she saw a huge paddle, like a waterwheel, at the bottom of the main mast. It was being heaved higher and higher, and another hobbit was spreading its spokes out like great wings. It was beginning to spin, and picking up speed.

 

A bangaa in a bandana brandished a banana in her face.

 

"It;s your turn on the treadmill, grunt. Eat the banana."

 

She stared blankly. She felt like she had been doing that a lot in recent times.

 

"Eat banana. Put banana in face hole. Yes." He glared crossly. She obliged. He untied her and herded her to a trapdoor right underneath the massive contraption. She slipped through, trying not to think of what would happen if the paddle came crashing down.

 

Inside, there was a hamster wheel. It was too small for a man, but just the right size for a goblin or dwarf, or indeed a hobbit with the complete crap scared of her. The enormous hamster running therein saw her, and skidded to a halt. It stood up, and walked past her. The paddle above sounded like it was slowing down.

 

"Lunchtime," it said, wiping its brow. "Have fun."

 

It scurried out of the trapdoor. The bangaa poked her towards the wheel.

 

"Run until someone else comes. Quick!"

 

"How long will that be?"

 

He walked off. 

 

 

 

ACHIEVED: One scraggly tuft of goaticorn wool. [but less than what I'd have got if I'd spent more time at the Botanics]

New Friend: Tiny mouse.

 

 

 

MISSION: WEEK SOMETHING: Gasp, Wheeze.

 

1) Lay to rest all those years of being terrible at running and equating this to always being terrible at running.

 

2) Start a couch to 5k programme.

 

3) Remember that it doesn't matter what any other people or gigantic hamsters think of you while you run, even if you stream sweat and dry-heave. You're not there to look elegant.

 

Reward: Mouse bites. And possibly more porridge.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Sarah Barr - Level 13 Warhobbit

STR 18 | DEX 7 | STA 17 | CON 38 | WIS 28 | CHA 12


 Challenges:  1   2   3   4   5   6   7  8  9  10  11  12  13  14  15  16  17  18  19 20  21  22  23  24  25 (Current)

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"I hold... that a man should strive to the uttermost for his life's set prize" - Robert Browning

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