Mir's No Zero Days Challenge

[Morrigainz]

Hokay. So. Here's Mir (round) .

 

Damn, that's a sweet Mir.

 

So, quick backstory that most of you already know. Suffer from depression, and working on getting an official diagnosis of ADHD. I am in counseling and also on meds. Currently I am taking 40mg of Prozac a day.

 

----

 

Quick update from between challenges:

 

OHMYGOD. SOMETHING HAPPENED. I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER RIGHT NOW. I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. One day I was a miserable pile of sludge and the next I was just happy. Just...happy. Even being bored and annoyed at work hasn't been enough to keep me down. I've been making social commitments and keeping them, getting along well with Mr Mir, and just generally being ok. This started 4 days after I increased my dosage of Prozac to 40mg. I am skeptical that it is the medication for many reasons, chief among them that I NEVER felt like this because of Prozac before. I don't remember the last time I was just happy to be. I am working with my therapist on preventing a horrible spiraling relapse, and that's what this challenge is going to be about. Because as glad as I am to be feeling this good, I'm absolutely terrified that it will go away just as suddenly, and with just as little explanation.

 

So here's where it starts. No Zero Days. If you want to read the Reddit post that inspired this theme, you can find it here. Otherwise, I will sum up.

 

1. No zero days. This means do SOMETHING every. single. day. that will help to improve my life. I spent a long time trying to think of how I was going to narrow down the list of things I wanted to accomplish for myself this challenge, and the simplest way is to put it all in one bucket and pick the thing(s) that need to be done the most, or that will help me feel the best. Because I know myself. And although it may not be lupus, depression is still a real illness, and I've found that spoon theory does a great job of explaining my energy level variation. So some days I may be able to do all the things. Others, it may be a struggle to get out of bed.

 

2. The Three Mes (Me's? Debate.). I have two best friends in the world: past me and future me. We are BFFFL. So every day, I will thank past me for something I did that has improved present me's situation. And every day I will do future me a favor. Even if I wouldn't do it for me, I would do it for my BFFFL.

 

*Note: I think this is an especially important goal. Specifically the thanking. I definitely have trouble with dysfunctional thought patterns, and I am trying to combat that but it's hard because I'm not always aware of it. So by instead focusing on positives....I think this will help.

 

3. Forgiveness. This is also huge. I am very hard on myself. I will find a quote from Strawberry Squatcake in a minute if I remember. But yes. If I try, really try, to have a nonzero day and I still fail? Practice grace. Forgive my past self. Forgive myself for the mistakes I make. And move on.

 

4. (hey! this is where it actually gets challenge-y!) Exercise and books. Exercise, duh. And obvs since I am a warrior I will be lifting the heavy things. But also still doing my physical therapy. I still have trouble doing things where I only have to bend over slightly, like putting on my underwear or spitting into the sink after brushing my teeth. And books. Read books that will help me be a better me. I already have a bit of a list, but I'm always open to suggestions. I think for this challenge I am going to focus on ADHD books and Japanese books. ADHD because I want to learn as much about it and coping mechanisms as possible, and Japan because I'm fucking going to Japan this fall!!! And I took a couple Nihongo classes many years ago, but not much has stuck with me, and I'm definitely concerned not only about the speaking barrier but the reading/writing barrier. I bought an awesome book called Remembering the Kanji and, as is typical for me, devoured the first 3 sections in about an hour and I haven't looked at it since. No more of that.

 

Alright, so that's enough. I did want to put down a list of things that would count for nonzero days, because I am typically so hard on myself. So here it is. Not inclusive, just representative. And if you have ideas or feedback, let me know!

 

Go to work (even if I am not productive)

Be productive at home (even if I don't go to work - so errands, housework, yardwork, etc)

Journaling

Planning for Japan trip

Planning for moving (eventually)

Scrapbooking

Calling a friend (texting/online will not count for this unless I'm in a REALLY bad place, so it's subjective)

Being social outside the home

Having friends over

Cooking dinner

NST

Taking meds (this will only count on a really bad day)

Counting calories

 

Things that will NOT count:

sleeping

video games

reading fiction books

playing on Facebook

playing stupid games on phone

 

 

 

I'm ready! But nervous.

[msuroo]

Mir's challenge is the best challenge.

[Strawberry Squatcake]

Wait. You're quoting me?!?! How exciting, get back to that! FOCUS!

 

If you're talking forgiveness, this is one of my favorite forgiving yourself quotes:

 

"You have suffered enough

And warred with yourself
It's time that you won"

 

I don't know why, but that always resonates with me, and sometimes I'll tell myself that when I keep beating myself up over the same thing. 

[Stronkey Kong]

Yay! Mir's happy!

 

I'll be following. Okay. Now I have to leave for therapy.

[chairohkey]

I'm in.

[wildross]

In like Flint.  Which is a great movie that I can't find anymore about a very unflappable spy.  The best Bond spoof ever.  James Coburn in "Our Man Flint".

 

Oh yeah, good luck and keep fighting.

 

I often ask myself, "what is the most useful thing that I can do next?"

[Morrigainz]

Well there was one particular quote I was looking for, and I must have spent 2 hours searching messages, challenges, and text messages. But this is all I could come up with:

 

"oh man, you need to stop nitpicking yourself. it's nice to want to improve, but you are so mean to yourself."

 

SS more than most people is on me about my poor self-image. So talking about the forgiveness and thinking about grace made me think of that. I feel like there was one where you were meaner! You were all "stop this shit." But I couldn't find it. Oh well. FORGIVENESS

[Strawberry Squatcake]

If you'd cut that shit out, I wouldn't have to tell you to cut that shit out.

Seriously, though, I say it out of love. It hurts me when my friends can't see what I see, or think their worth is tabulated based on looks. It's not. I <3 Mir because she's smart, kind, compassionate, funny, honest and doesn't motor boat me when I ask that she doesn't. That's friendship. I don't care what you're wearing, if your make up is done, or if you've gained or lost a thousand pounds. Your Mirness comes from the inside.

And the outside is only enhanced when you're happy.... Or wearing kickass cowgirl boots. Texas forever.

[Raev]

Subbing, to show love to another Mitten Warrior.  Oorah!

 

Also, as someone who spent years medicated due to crippling depression - I'm also in for moral support.

[JessOfAllTrades]

Absolutely adore your goals. <3

[Hermione Gainser]

If you'd cut that shit out, I wouldn't have to tell you to cut that shit out.

Seriously, though, I say it out of love. It hurts me when my friends can't see what I see, or think their worth is tabulated based on looks. It's not. I <3 Mir because she's smart, kind, compassionate, funny, honest and doesn't motor boat me when I ask that she doesn't. That's friendship. I don't care what you're wearing, if your make up is done, or if you've gained or lost a thousand pounds. Your Mirness comes from the inside.

And the outside is only enhanced when you're happy.... Or wearing kickass cowgirl boots. Texas forever.

 

This made me laugh out loud AND tear up a little.  Mir, copy and paste this and use it as your desktop background and your phone background. Please.

 

And this is my most favorite thing ever.  No zero days!

[Crooked]

Happy Mir! I love this so much!!

[INSAIYAN]

No zero days - awesome concept!

[Max Power]

MIIIIRRRRRRR!!!!!! That is all.  

[Morrigainz]

This made me laugh out loud AND tear up a little.  

Dude. Me too!!! I lurve me some Squatcake wiseness!

 

I actually have a few phrases that are starting to go 'round and 'round in my head. I need a place to put them. But I'm not generally a phrase collector (okay, well, other than "vag up") so I don't know what people do with favorite phrases that they don't want to forget.

 

I had my second psych appt today. I will go back in another month. Once again it didn't really go like I wanted. But I'm in a much better place now so I don't anticipate an entire day of crying and feeling like shit about my entire life. And because I talk about (almost) everything, I'll go into a little detail. But I'm also lazy and having trouble sleeping right now (soooooooooo tiredddddddddddddd) so all I'm going to do is copy and paste from an earlier conversation. Sorry y'all don't get your own special explanation! Deal with it.

 

 

Pdoc gave me Wellbutrin, which we had talked about last time. Apparently Wellbutrin and Prozac go well together, and Wellbutrin can help with the motivation aspect, which I am definitely still lacking. BUT I went in there all ADD and crazy, was talking loud and fast like I do, lost my train of thought a few times....and she didn't want to start too many things at once so that's all I walked away with. I go back in another month. I understand her reasoning but don't understand why I am on another antidepressant when this one seems to be working fine. And maybe if I had something for the ADD, I wouldn't need something for the motivation because I would be more focused and less disorganized and so I would have an easier time doing the things I am supposed to. I am just annoyed. Maybe I should have just refused the Wellbutrin and asked for something for the ADD, but I don't want to come across like some kind of junkie. And I realize she is the dr and everything but it is SO FRUSTRATING GRRRRR.

 

 

 

Looking forward to Monday and the start of the challenge!

[RisenPhoenix]

Miiiiir! <3

 

No zero days.  You got this, lady.

[Cheechoe]

/me runs in

 

 

*chest bump*

 

 

/me runs out

[Rob__]

Mir! Mir! Mir! M-M-M-Mir! Mir Mir! M-M-M-Mir! Mir Mir! M-M-M-Mir! Mir Mir!

MIR!

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[Morrigainz]

Bwahahaha. You guys make me giggle.

 

The good mood continues. Had a fantastic weekend spent with friends new and old, and some special alone time with Mr Mir (no, not like THAT). Thursday night we had a fire in the backyard and stayed up until 3 am, just the two of us, drinking and talking and laughing and sharing music. It was SO nice. It's been a long time since we've done anything like that.

 

Friday I had my pdoc appointment and got some new drugs as noted above. Then Friday night I went to a board game group meetup I found on meetup.com. I had fun but didn't stay as late as I maybe would have otherwise because of the tireds.

 

Saturday was the Tigers game where we beat the pants off the Red Sox. Yeah!!! Another 3 am night. So now my sleep is all wonky. But that's ok; it was worth it.

 

As far as the mood, I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. I'm definitely enjoying being happy, and it's been so long since I can remember actually just being generally happy, and I'm definitely appreciating every moment, but a small part of me is still terrified that it won't last. And I suppose it won't. Not every day can be great, eh? So then it becomes managing the mood/situation so I don't have what my therapist called a "relapse". And that's what this challenge is all about.

 

Bring it on!

[JessOfAllTrades]

It isn't fair that even our happy moments are shadowed by concern due to silly brain chemistry, eh? But regardless, I am happy to see you happy.

[Morrigainz]

It isn't fair that even our happy moments are shadowed by concern due to silly brain chemistry, eh? But regardless, I am happy to see you happy.

It isn't! And it's so frustrating. But, generally, it's so nice to just be happy. And to be able to appreciate the good things in my life. And hopefully, eventually I'll get to the point where I don't have to dread the happy feeling going away because I know it will come back

[Strawberry Squatcake]

I can relate to being so happy you dread not being happy. Ugh. That's the worst. But the more you dread it, the less you're enjoying the moments you are happy. So I say don't waste a second.

And you're right - life is ups and downs (even without the wonked brain chemistry). You can't be happy all the time. If you were, it would just be "normal." So enjoy being happy! 

 

I'm glad you had such a great weekend. The Thursday night fire, drinking, laughing, musicing... Sounds like a perfect summer night to me! 

[Rob__]

Yay for Mir! Yay for the Tigers stomping all over the Bosox. The Jays can use any/all help to protect their lead...

I need to get to the Skydome for a game, but they lose whenever I watch...

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[Missmouse]

 

2. The Three Mes (Me's? Debate.). I have two best friends in the world: past me and future me. We are BFFFL. So every day, I will thank past me for something I did that has improved present me's situation. And every day I will do future me a favor. Even if I wouldn't do it for me, I would do it for my BFFFL.

 

 

This is my super special favorite part.

[Morrigainz]

This is my super special favorite part.

Thanks! It definitely gives a new perspective.

 

So let's see, for today...no zeroes. Made it to work and exercised and took my meds. And the day's only half over!

 

Past self, thank you for washing your clothes yesterday and for doing the dishes over the weekend.

 

Past self, I forgive you for not finishing the laundry A-Z yesterday. For future me, I exercised and hopefully (!!!) will get the laundry put away tonight so tomorrow me doesn't have to stress about it.

 

Exercise: yes!

 

Today's workout:

.47 mile run 4:44

squats

1x10 bw

1x5 45

1x3 95

5x5 125 (holy hell, these felt SO HEAVY. 115 did not feel very heavy last week. this felt like it was at least double. some were ugly. but i got 'em up!)

side lunges

3x12 (each leg) 5 lbs (each hand)

.47 mile "run" 5:19