Help! Back again - but back to what?

[CaffeineMan]

Hi all.

Last year, around this time, I started on the path to improving my physical fitness as a means to improving my mental health.

I made dietary changes (particularly, cutting out Energy Drinks) and did some basic bodyweight exercises (based around the Angry Birds plan)

 

I was/am literally at the peak of fitness in my life - more so than when I wrestled, or when I played American Football.

 

So I reached a point I was happy with and then... Stopped.

For one, while I enjoy the results, I find working out itself ultimately leaves me feeling empty. At first I could burn through the exercises relatively quickly, but later on I was having to set aside 40 minutes to an hour which was difficult to work in to my routine and access. Also, the activities, while strenuous, were boring and left me feeling breathless but unfulfilled.

 

On top of that, and to my annoyance, I don't find any kind of sports or exercise interesting (to watch or take part in) and have very limited access - I can sometimes eke out an 8' by 2' space to exercise in, during the daytime, when I'm not working.
The nearest gym is roughly an hour away, and while the area I live in is not terrible, I don't feel comfortable leaving the house without a reason.

So, fellow nerds - am I a lost cause?

[The Swedish Ninja]

It seems to me that the first thing you need to do is find your motivation. You haven´t mentioned it once in your post. Do you want to be thinner, stronger, healthier, happier etc? You need something to motivate you to exercise.

 

And, no offence, 99 % of people can fit in a 1 hour workout 2-3 times a week, it´s a matter of priority, which brings me back to motivation, since you´re unlikely to prioritize something you find no reason to do.

 

Are there really no kind of sports that interest you? There´s literary thousands of different activities to try, and there must be something you enjoy? Note, you might suck at it at first, but that does´t matter. Set a goal to at least try a different activity every week/other week and if it´s not at all to your liking, try something new.

 

No, you´re no lost cause, but only you can answer these questions:

- Why did you post this question? (there has to be some reason, and therein lies a motivation)

- What are you willing to do to get healthier? (try new things, set aside 3 hours every week, eat healthier etc)

[Waanie]

You're not a lost cause. I agree that you should ask yourself why you want to get fit again. Do you want to impress somebody? Are you afraid for your health? Do you want to be able to climb stairs without feeling winded? Do you want to be able to help people move and carry heavy boxes? Do you want to improve your posture? Do you want to lose weight (note that this is 80-90% diet)?

 

I also don't like workouts that take me more than about half an hour, so I make sure to do many short workouts. I do 10-20 minutes of yoga every day, my bodyweight workouts also fit within 10-20 minutes and running takes me about 30 minutes for a workout, but there are also running programs out there that will take less time. Once I can run for half an hour straight, I want to do sprints, which should take less time.

 

So there are options that take less than half an hour to complete, even though you might not see the same benefits as when you workout more. I can only take myself as an example, but I've made great progress with short workouts. Tell us why you want to exercise and we'll be able to help you more .

[Disil]

Since others have adressed "motivation", I'll just quickly mention "fun". To me, that's the other pillar of keeping at something: Enjoying it. So if there's really no sport or traditional "exercise" you found a liking to so far, you might need to experiment a little more. Dancing for example has the reputation of being an incredible way of gettin into shape, but I wouldn't call it "exercise" or "sport". I enjoy going swimming, but not necessarily to swim lanes - I just go to the springboard area and jump from the 1m board with headers, summersaults and other fun stuf for an hour or two. Again, purely fun-based activity that has little to do with sport or exercise. Another idea would be to "sweeten up" exercises that usually bore you. Audiobooks while cycling are a great idea, listening to podcasts while going through a lifting circuit, watching a sitcom while jumping rope, there's ways to make anything better or at least more bearable.

 

In the end, whatever gets you moving works. Right now, I really found joy in trying to improve my bodyweight capabilities, slowly starting to become good at stuff like pull-ups, planks, holds, sits, stands etc. and getting better at all this stuff while improving my physique and health is driving me on like nothing else.

[CaffeineMan]

In regards to motivation, my goal in the past was just to gain some kind of control over some aspect of my life, since I don't have much control over my daily routine, leisure time, or diet. At this point my feeling is very much the same, with the added incentive that I know I've made improvements in the past and so further improvements should be possible?

As to the fun aspect, the only way I managed in the past was literally exercising while watching anime and TV shows, but all the same, there's generally nothing physical which registers as "fun" to me? Up until my spree last year the only exercise I got was walking up stairs and doing convention photography. 

 

I suppose the time aspect is a bit of a red herring, but it's more difficult to find three hours a week to do something which is boring and painful, than it would be to avoid? Add in the fact that there are days when I literally have no opportunity to work out - i.e. I don't have control of my schedule and have limited access to the (very) limited space I can use around the house.

 

 

I think I started this topic because I want to believe that it is possible for me to continue - because I don't have anywhere else where I can vent my particular frustration or ask for help from people who may have had the same kind of experience. In short; help me Obi-Wan Kenobi, you're my only hope

[Waanie]

Okay, so if I understand you correctly you want to be able to see yourself improve, to accomplish new skills and to be proud of yourself. Of course exercise and diet are not the only ways, but I used exercise for the same goal.

 

Maybe you can work on some skills like arm-balances, do strength training (bodyweight exercises) or stretch in front of the TV. With strength training you can see improvement very fast, and if you continue, you can do awesome movements. Who doesn't want to be able to do pistol squats? Pull ups? Handstand push ups? Some progressions are on this website. The assassins have a tutorial about pistol squats as well.

 

Stretching is also awesome, you can even watch TV at the same time. I've seen many big w00t's on this forum because they achieved a milestone in their stretching. Beginner gains are not as big as with strength training though. Try out a few stretches, and see if they are bearable to do several times a week.

 

Skill work like handstands, crow pose, bridges, etc. can also boost your confidence. Doing them for 5 minutes a day every day will help you tremendously. For these skills you also don't need a lot of space.

 

Of course, these are suggestions from my (Assassin) point of view. There are probably plenty of other possibilities for exercise.

 

For your diet, can you maybe start with one small change? For example cutting the energy drinks out again? Or soda? Or beer? Or eat vegetables or fruit every day?

 

Good luck!

[CaffeineMan]

I just don't know, my feeling was always very much a matter of taking control over one aspect of my life, not about achieving anything because (currently) I don't see potential for achievement. Improvement that I've seen and enjoyed has been psychological, in terms of, I have taken control and lost weight, rather than I have gained skills or improved in exercise because the exercise is completely foreign to me in terms of what exercise, where, how etc. 

I just don't see exercise (as a whole) as either a goal or something fulfilling, but rather as a (uncomfortable, boring, difficult) tool.

 

 

I've cut energy drinks to only at events and maybe a sugar-free drink once or twice a month. Beer I've cut out completely but I'll have a drink occasionally, but I mean I've had one tequila this month, for example. Soda I drink on an irregular basis, only at work so maybe one or two glasses a day, 5 days a week? I'd love to eat fruit & veg every single meal every day but it's just a non-starter in terms of I don't have that control - I eat what my wife eats and she won't change her diet at all, and it's really not possible for us to cook separate meals every day.

 

 

I have to apologise because I really don't like being so negative and I hope I don't come across as hostile because I don't want to be, it's just that the situation and feeling I find myself in doesn't allow me to see positives or changes in my situation.

[Bookworm_Tess]

Hi I'm in the discussion as well! Just give me time to type my answer hahaha

 

I'm a slow typer hehe...  

[Bookworm_Tess]

So, Caffeine Man, I get it. I got into exercising as means to improve my mental health as well. The thing is it worked. It works. When I don't get my exercise for some time I can see it deteriorate fast again.

 

I get the wanting to be able to control one aspect of your life and deciding to control your body because it's the closest thing around.

 

The thing is the body is not the easiest thing to exert control on. Though it is the most satisfying, the most efficient "place" to work on.

 

I don't think the words for you may be "motivation" and "fun" but commitment. Commitment to yourself, to your own mental health. You simply have to do at least some time of heavy exercising every other day or so or because otherwise your mental health will deteriorate.

 

Once you remember that, once you make your body remember that, it'll be increasingly easier for you to take the time to exercise. When you're at inertia, it seems that what will make you the happiest is keep sitting down and maybe have something sweet to drink or maybe a warm perfumed cup of coffee, yum!, right?

 

But if you force yourself a couple of times to stand up and do your routine, it will be everytime easier for you to remember just how well it makes you feel afterwards.

 

I tell my students (I'm a language teacher, now I teach mostly English as a foreign language, but I've tought high-school Portuguese and Literature) that it's impossible not to like reading. Because there are so many different things to read. I really do believe that a person who claims not to like reading has just not yet found the type of literature that allures them.

 

Same goes to you not liking exercising. You just haven't found it yet. Believe me. If you keep looking, you're bound to find the love of your life. I mean it. I found it in lifting. Free weights. But I have a side affair with swimming. Everytime I get into the pool it feels like going back to an old friend.

 

I love the feeling of control it gives me paying attention to the movement that I have to make in order to do it efficiently.

 

I never get a high after exercising. I usually get sleepy as hell. But I can notice my mood getting steadier everyday. That's just bliss to me.

 

In short, you're not alone, have faith, exercise as an act of self-care, as a commitment with your mental health which ultimately is your happiness and not to get thin or big or ripped or I really don't know how many adjectives English speakers can come up with for that

 

Live long and prosper or something like that because those films are really not my thing..

[Bookworm_Tess]

I'd love to eat fruit & veg every single meal every day but it's just a non-starter in terms of I don't have that control - I eat what my wife eats and she won't change her diet at all, and it's really not possible for us to cook separate meals every day.

 

So, I'm also an engaged feminist, former Slut Walk, current MMM. Women are not the only victim of chauvinism, you know. Seems as you are one as well. Maybe no one thought it would be important to teach you how to cook and control your food because they saw it as work and as work that women should be doing.

 

Here's an idea: your wife is either a housewife or she works outside the house. Either way, she's pulling double shifts between work (you have no idea ow much work it takes to keep house) and cooking you guys your meals.

 

If you take over the kitchen two, three nights a week and alleviate her a bit of her work, I don't see how she wouldn't like that.

 

She may be resistent at first because she may feel the kitchen is a way of her exerting her control over the world, over the household. Really, the kitchen is the best part of that horrible work which is housekeeping. (That happens.)

 

But get involved. Do the shopping. Pre-cook something and freeze something. Get some Martha Stewart magic going on in your life.

 

Don't transfer the responsibility of your healthy eating to your wife because 1) face it no one is responsible for you except yourself and 2) that's just expecting her to do the work following your instructions and that's simply not fair, she's your wife nt your professional cook. Get involved!

[Valerius]

Caffeineman

 

I don't know anything about your relationship with your wife, but it seems to me that if taking control of an aspect of your life is important, and changing your diet is something that interests you, then offer to make the food. to say you eat what your wife make honestly sounds like a bit of a cop out to me. At the end of the day it's your life, and your body, and ultimately your responsibility to take care of it the way you see fit. I'm not trying to be rude, or an a-hole. If you want to take control of something in your life then do it. I recently hit a slump of not going to the gym in the morning before work, because I found the snooze button to be favorable. The result of that was me not feeling good about my days. I am married and have two small children at home, 3 and 1. Between work and my family I have very little time to myself as a matter of fact, the only time I have to myself is the crack of dawn, when my wife and children are still sleeping. It is then and only then that I can do 100% what I want to do. In the wee hours of the morning, I make myself get out of bed, and Take control of my body. Its a battle. It takes a lot of will power. the alarm goes off at 4:45 AM. I get up drink a cup of coffee, ( lord knows I can't start my day without coffee) read a chapter of a book, get my work clothes ready, and head to the gym. and there are many morning when I tell myself I'm going to sleep in this morning. and sometimes I lose the battle. BUT every morning that I lose that battle of wills, the rest of the day I feel sluggish, and lethargic. I'm certainly not at the top of my game on those days.  I know I went off on a tangent there, but I implore you to take time out. To take responsibility of one thing that no one can take from you, your body. If you don't want to change your diet than by all means don't do it. If you do want to change it, than assume cooking duties. That's what I did at first. My wife said she didn't want to " diet". So I made some Delicious baked chicken (seasoned with Italian herbs)  , a couple of bags of Steamfresh veggies, and baked sweet potatoes. She loved it. We now eat almost 80% paleo. and are seeing fantastic results. she doesn't feel like she's dieting and neither do I, because we're eating quality foods. Try to make dinner, Steves super easy chicken is a quick, easy, delicious entree. anyways I've gone on another tangent. You came back for a reason. whether it's for physical or mental health. Take control. You can do it. 

[Valerius]

oops double post.

[CaffeineMan]

Sorry, when I say that I don't have control over my diet because of my wife's diet, I don't mean that she cooks and I eat, but that we cook and eat together but she has very specific foods that she will eat, period - completely aside from dieting as a concept, she won't eat vegetables as a whole, only chicken breast, some foods in only specific ways, and it's not feasible for us to cook separate meals.  

[Valerius]

Do you like Vegetables?

[CaffeineMan]

I actually really love to eat vegetables, but she doesn't eat any vegetables - so it's less a matter of cooking and then picking out anything she won't eat, as cooking something with no vegetables, and then having to separately cook vegetables to add to a dish - and as I say, it's really not feasible to cook two dishes/meals per meal.

[Valerius]

I'm just going to say this, Steamfresh veggies take 5 minutes in the microwave, or 7-10 minutes stove top, they're a dollar a bag. Now if it's not your priority say its not your priority, no big deal. not feasible is to never have lifted a weight in your life and expecting to bench press 405 lbs. Not feasible is building a particle accelerator in your Garage out of spare lawn mower parts. not feasible, is out sprinting a cheetah. Steamfresh veggies, or an extra dish of any kind of food at a meal, that's very feasible. I don't know you CaffieneMan, so i cannot make a fair statement about your situation.

Honestly going by what you have said so far, it sounds like your biggest obstacle are the words not feasible. I hope you accomplish your goals. I hope you're able to take the control that you want. Just remember every journey starts with one step, no every journey starts with the decision to take one step. Truly I wish you all the best, and hope you take that first step.

[CaffeineMan]

I would say that changing my diet is not only not a priority, it is literally not a subject which I am willing to entertain.

 

 

So, I'm also an engaged feminist, former Slut Walk, current MMM. Women are not the only victim of chauvinism, you know. Seems as you are one as well. Maybe no one thought it would be important to teach you how to cook and control your food because they saw it as work and as work that women should be doing.

 

Here's an idea: your wife is either a housewife or she works outside the house. Either way, she's pulling double shifts between work (you have no idea ow much work it takes to keep house) and cooking you guys your meals.

 

If you take over the kitchen two, three nights a week and alleviate her a bit of her work, I don't see how she wouldn't like that.

 

She may be resistent at first because she may feel the kitchen is a way of her exerting her control over the world, over the household. Really, the kitchen is the best part of that horrible work which is housekeeping. (That happens.)

 

But get involved. Do the shopping. Pre-cook something and freeze something. Get some Martha Stewart magic going on in your life.

 

Don't transfer the responsibility of your healthy eating to your wife because 1) face it no one is responsible for you except yourself and 2) that's just expecting her to do the work following your instructions and that's simply not fair, she's your wife nt your professional cook. Get involved!

 

It's not an issue of control, but instead, the fact of the matter is that we cook and eat together, and that is important to me.

[Valerius]

In your Post you said you had played football, and wrestled, are those things you still enjoy?

[CaffeineMan]

To be honest, I didn't enjoy them at the time either. I played Football because I wanted to wrestle, and I Wrestled because I thought being an in-depth fan would be enough to buoy me into success, but in the end I was having such a poor experience that I stopped taking part and also stopped being a fan overall.

[CrazyMags]

Hi CaffeineMan,

I guess there are a couple questions that I would like to know first before I could try to help....though these people have some great points...

1) where do you live? (In order to understand what geographically is around you)

2) what is your profession? Did I see you mention Photography? (Only to understand why your day has so little time/flexibility)

3) you enjoy cooking with your wife, anime, what else do you enjoy? (Does NOT have to be in any way related to fitness)

4) kids? Pets? Any other obligations that take up part of your life?

You aren't a lost cause if you don't want to be !

Sent from Tapatalk, all errors are the app's fault! ;-)

[Bookworm_Tess]

You have to face the fact that exercising is key to your happiness. And you have to make yourself open to experiences in order to find the modality that will win your heart.

 

Just pick one thing, give it a chance, and keep it up for a few weeks. Even if it's hard and boring at first. If it's still boring after some time, pick something else, and try that. Pick things you never tried before, since everything you tried before is so boring.

 

If nothing else, it'll make you braver and get you thinking clearer.

 

I was reading Joseph Pilates last night, how he believes the integration of body and mind through exercise is the path to true hapiness and how exercising can make your head clearer and your stamina ready for the playful part of life and all, and I thought of you. There's no hope while you're sittng down complaining about how messed up your life is. Stand up and take one step. Then come back for support for the second step

[CaffeineMan]

I can accept that I should try SOMETHING but I feel paralysed by the thought of the variety as much as the practical possibilities of just what I could do.

 

 

Hi CaffeineMan,

I guess there are a couple questions that I would like to know first before I could try to help....though these people have some great points...

1) where do you live? (In order to understand what geographically is around you)
2) what is your profession? Did I see you mention Photography? (Only to understand why your day has so little time/flexibility)
3) you enjoy cooking with your wife, anime, what else do you enjoy? (Does NOT have to be in any way related to fitness)
4) kids? Pets? Any other obligations that take up part of your life?

You aren't a lost cause if you don't want to be !


Sent from Tapatalk, all errors are the app's fault! ;-)

 

1. I live close to Glasgow, Scotland (around an hour by Public Transport) 
2. I sell kitchens at a major homewares store of Swedish heritage.
3. I'd say I enjoy reading (esp. Sci Fi & Fantasy) watching movies, video games, anime & manga. I attend conventions and do photography & videography. And I spend a lot of time online.
4. The only obligations and drains on my time are work and sleep, to be honest.

[Bookworm_Tess]

I'm sorry, man, but... mimimi.

[Disil]

Yeah it kind of seems like the OP was right in his initial assessment:

So, fellow nerds - am I a lost cause?

 

I guess some people are just not made for a life full of exercise. Nothing wrong with that, just that you need to accept that and move on.

[CrazyMags]

I can accept that I should try SOMETHING but I feel paralysed by the thought of the variety as much as the practical possibilities of just what I could do.

• I live close to Glasgow, Scotland (around an hour by Public Transport)
• I sell kitchens at a major homewares store of Swedish heritage.
• I'd say I enjoy reading (esp. Sci Fi & Fantasy) watching movies, video games, anime & manga. I attend conventions and do photography & videography. And I spend a lot of time online.
• The only obligations and drains on my time are work and sleep, to be honest.

Okay, so some ideas for exercise:

1) because you enjoy fantasy books: maybe you could join a club like this one:

http://www.glasgowvikings.co.uk/index%2520page.htm or something similar?

2) I never enjoyed exercising until I met my Coach and started doing CrossFit. It's not for everyone, and you mentioned that you have a long train to Glasgow, is that where you work? Or would it have to be a special trip? There is "CrossFit Glasgow" which my coach has actually been to to train some of the coaches there...

3) there are beautiful places to hike in Scotland! Maybe some nature photography on the weekends? Cardio training etc on weekdays to get in shape for the hikes? Like the most recent NF newsletter, setting goals that are attainable and rewards in themselves can help us succeed! Also...you can post pictures on here and I can live vicariously through your awesome travels... Please include castles.

Those are just some ideas... As for food, I agree with what most people are saying, and if you want veggies, add them...your wife doesn't have to eat that part? That's what my parents do!

Also, if you want a small (though not easy) change to your diet... I would suggest cutting soda (diet or otherwise) out of your diet altogether...

Diet seems to be a bit touchy for you, so maybe tackle the fitness first?

That's all I can think of right now.., I'm exhausted or I would have added more... What do you think about some of these ideas?

Sent from Tapatalk, all errors are the app's fault! ;-)