The Outer Planes

[Xena]

Goals look good, but wondering if "grinding" is fun and motivating enough? If it works for you, it's perfect. Just seeing a lot of talk about the grind on these forums lately and hope it doesn't feel much like drudgery.

[DarK_RaideR]

6 hours ago, Xena said:

Goals look good, but wondering if "grinding" is fun and motivating enough? If it works for you, it's perfect. Just seeing a lot of talk about the grind on these forums lately and hope it doesn't feel much like drudgery.

Good point. I've missed the whole gimmick of "hype is gone, let's grind, then we get it back next year" that seemed to be a thing lately, my point here is that I don't expect 2018 to be the year of major accomplishments. No big race/competition commitments or life changes, I had plenty of big stuff to do in 2017 (CF Open, 3 OCRs, career shift, motorcycle purchase etc) so this year kind of pales in comparison, but it will mostly be about settling in this new situation (keep working out, establish myself in the new job, get comfortable riding th bike around etc).

[RES]

I had to laugh at you not thinking those are major accomplishments  

I had that conversation with my other half tonight that you're talking about having with SRLF...we agreed on what works for us during the day, it's mostly dinner time that we eat together and she's agreed to let me continue with what I'm doing cause that part is working at least! Good luck with getting it figured out!

[DarK_RaideR]

As promised

[Sloth the Enduring]

That Ultimate Warrior art is really cool.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[DarK_RaideR]

What's even cooler is the SRLF secretly took it to a store and had it printed onto a yellow t-shirt which she gave me as a gift.

[RES]

7 hours ago, DarK_RaideR said:

What's even cooler is the SRLF secretly took it to a store and had it printed onto a yellow t-shirt which she gave me as a gift.

I would think this post sums up the reason she is the SRLF  

[DarK_RaideR]

2018 has been an interesting year. Can't say I achieved everything I set out to do, but the overall feeling is positive. Gonna break down my 2018 roadmap and see how each thing went in detail.

 

 

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Category A: Crossfit, races, competitions and workouts

I'm not looking to travel abroad for OCRs this year, so I'm only going to do local stuff: Legion Run if they do anything longer than 5km and if Spartan does another one this year, I'll try for the Trifecta weekend if I can afford it. If not, I'm either going for my first Beast or a Beast-Super weekend. As usual, I will be doing the Crossfit Open early this year, but with a twist: I'm looking to also do the Judge certification course prior to that, mostly because I'd like to help our box with shortage/availability issues it's had with judges in the past. Other than that, workouts will happen as usual and I'll probably do the occasional fun/competitive event here and there, but no concrete goals here. No specific training, no performance/ranking I'm aiming for, just keep grinding.

 

 

I did not do any races this year, but not feeling bad about it. Legion Run didn't do anything longer than 5km, Spartan hit me at a bad time financially and also keeps happening on my anniversary with the SRLF. Early in the year I did the Crossfit Open and I'm glad with my performance. Judge certification course was also completed, however I wasn't able to provide any assistance; work kept me from offering much at the box and by the time Compete Live Athens came around, I was already gone from the box and not looking to involve myself any further with it. Returning to Muay Thai has been great, I enjoy the atmosphere, can attend regularly and even if my friend has moved on to the advanced class by now, I'm still training somehow. Prior experience has helped keep my hype and expectations low, including my connection to fellow athletes.

 

 

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Category B: Motorpsychocycle

In 2017, I got myself a motorbike and got myself acquainted with the thing. 2018 is the year I get comfortable with having a passenger in the back seat. This in turn is broken down into two sub-goals, get a helmet and some gear for the SRLF, then arrange for trial rides with her. Once that's done, I got two milestones I wanna hit in 2018. First, go for a bike trip with other riders that lasts longer than a day, meaning we gotta get accommodation for the night. Two, ride to Thessaloniki up north with the SRLF for a weekend or longer. It's a good 500km/310mi distance, so it's a decent trip and the destination itself is worth it, especially as the SRLF has never been there, plus I have friends I'd like to see there.

 

 

Oh I got comfortable with a passenger in the back seat alright, just not the way I expected. SRLF's helmet happened pretty quick, but instead of trial rides, she just hopped on the back seat one day and off we were around town to get stuff done. It was smooth and we've been riding around together since, which has helped me get comfortable even if we still have to make a long bike trip. Unfortunately, she's not a big fan of long rides anyway, so the one to Thessaloniki didn't happen and likely won't be happening, at least on two wheels. Made the other milestone though, late in November when I spent a weekend out of town cycling with my father.

 

 

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Category C: Re-construction of the house

Not calling this Domestic Rangering, because it's much more than cleaning up stuff. I did some item item upgrades in 2017 such as the new mattress and drawer for clothes, but I failed the balcony arrangement. This is the direction things are moving to within the year. Not only am I looking to get the balcony upgrade done, I'm also getting the house repainted and some of my wardrobes modified. Most of the lighting and circuitry needs a check and maintenance, but before that I gotta have a talk with my upstairs neighbor or everything I do will fall apart due to humidity leaking through the concrete separating our properties. That's all just a list of things I have in mind so far, I wouldn't be surprised if more comes up down the road.

 

None of the above was done, but the reason for it was that new stuff came up. The most important one was bonus interior humidity causing mould to develop on my roof. I got a strong chemical that I used during the Christmas holidays to spectacular results, plus I got money on the side to buy a dehumidifier in early January '19. Bed frame also got wrecked and I was only able to come up with a temporary repair solution, so it's still a lingering issue. Bathroom drain has been acting up too, flooding the place every time we fire up the washing machine or take a shower (imagine if we do both at the same time!) and while I want to call in a specialist, I remember he was pricey last time around and apparently the problem resurfaced. Last but not least, we got plagued with a bad case of cupboard works and finding the source was hell, but we finally tracked it down to some spices gone bad. After a major cleaning operation in the kitchen, we also moved the spices from above the kitchen ventilator to a different spot so they don't go bad with heat, which of course led to a total reshuffling of all the cupboards' contents.

 

 

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Category D: Weight and nutrition

We all know it, nutrition is the foundation upon which everything else is built. I'm pretty happy with my lifting performance, but I gotta drop some weight if I wanna do good in gymnastics and metcon/aerobic stuff. I had everything pretty much nailed down with batch cooking and zoning, then I met the SRLF, asked her to move in with me and I still haven't figured stuff out in this new situation. We've been together for 2 years now and I'm probably already late to deal with it, but I must. We both appreciate good, real food but are otherwise quite different in our approach (she can't eat cold food like I do, she can't eat the same stuff for several days like I used to do, loves her sugar and chocolate and so on). For starters, I gotta have a chat with her about organizing our grocery shopping and cooking in a somewhat different manner, then stick with that plan. I'm keeping my options open as to the specifics of nutrition for each challenge, but I will be measuring my belly and weight on the last day of 2017 so I can set a goal of where I want those two to be on December 31, 2018.

 

Been making progress as far as communication with the SRLF and organizing stuff goes. Logging stuff onto my phone app has kept me mindful too, especially when it comes to quantity control that's been my weak spot. My benchmark numbers on the morning of Jan. 1st 2018 were 87kg and a 100cm waist circumference. Been drifting between 81-83kg for these last few months, so if I can manage moderation during this last week of December, I'm likely getting better numbers on Jan. 1st 2019.

 

 

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Bonus: Control yourself

@Heidi recently brought up the WHO and "Gaming addiction". I looked up the article on what it is and what it isn't and while I'm still on the healthy side, I have some of the symptoms of addictive behavior when it comes to gaming. It's been worse in the past and it gets stronger when it involves TEW2016, which I will be using for the wrestling narrative on my 2018 challenges. Having my own laptop with TEW2016 installed in it at work has been detrimental in the past, but I've found ways to control the urge. Considering how I'll still be grinding in the work area until at least the end of 2019, this will be something I gotta keep in mind. I've also given up on social media during my latest challenge, which has been a revelation and I'd like to keep it that way. No milestones or special goals here, but I need to address the issue nevertheless.

 

I did address the issue and social media interaction has been kept to a minimal throughout the year, not by force but rather by being mostly disinterested. Gaming has been kept to a minimal due to necessity (not enough time/focus to deal with any major games) and I've kinda eased back on TEW2016 since I've more or less exhausted it, if that's even possible (though TEW2020 has been announced as due to release in late 2019). I did get a work-related boost at first, but things have been sluggish since and it's led me to more TEW2016 while at work. At least I'm looking to switch jobs so it's not bogging me down.

 

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Milestones

Working out

• Do the Crossfit Judge course for 2018
• Do the Crossfit Open
• Do a Trifecta if Spartan does another race in Ancient Sparta within 2018. This can be somewhat downgraded for financial reasons

Motorcycle

• Buy a helmet and gear for the SRLF
• Get comfortable riding the bike with a passenger on the back seat
• Go for a bike trip with other riders that lasts longer than a day
• Ride to Thessaloniki with the SRLF

House

• Get the balcony done
• Have a chat with the neighbor upstairs
• Get the wardrobe modified
• Get the house painted
• Fix the lights and circuitry

Nutrition

• Sort out the grocery shopping/cooking/eating situation with the SRLF
• Take belly and weight measurements on Dec.31 2017, set a goal of where I want both to be by Dec.31 2018

Impulse Control

• Minimize distractions such as videogames and social media

 

Not bad at all.

 

Now, to mull over my 2019 Roadmap...

[DarK_RaideR]

So I haven’t got a big road map or major goal for 2019. I’ve spent over two weeks digging my head and heart, but nothing came up. I’m pretty satisfied with where my current fitness levels are at in terms of performance, daily stamina, weight etc and I’ve come to terms with the fact that I’m not willing to pay the opportunity cost it takes to see any major improvements there. For those of you unfamiliar with that economics term, it means what you give up in order to get something else. In this case, the extra willpower, time that could be spent on other stuff besides training etc. I know what works and what doesn’t. I’ve built up healthy habits and I’m content with staying consistently on maintenance or even slight improvement mode instead of ambitiously shooting for the stars. What I’m more interested in achieving throughout this new year is mental health, happiness, peace of mind, financial security and other things along the same vein.

 

2018 was the year the re-ignited my social sensitivity. Not in the way an idealistic 20 year old me wanted to change the world, but in a more practical day to day fashion the current me wants to deal with the world around me. The action instead of indifference. The fight against complacency. So 2019 will hopefully be the year I progress from understanding these things, giving a damn and processing them in a certain way, to actually doing something about them. Obviously, none of this can be boiled down to a simple SMART goal.

 

A lot of my past issues have stemmed from family issues and how I handle them. I’ve looked into therapy but as soon as I decided to set some boundaries and focus on what I myself want to in a given situation, things got much better and I put the whole therapy deal on hiatus. I know there’s a chance this ‘pre-depressive’ state is on a high and might go down into a low sooner or later, so I’m not taking therapy out of the table. All of this also bleeds into my financial situation, as having to rely mostly on parents until work picks up only contaminates the entire web of relationships (including, ironically, having to use their funds to pay for therapy, should I pull the trigger). About time to face the truth, freelance work isn’t going to pick up, so I might as well look for something else (again) as far as work and ‘career’ are concerned.

 

 

That’s not to say I won’t be bothering with fitness. Solid work throughout 2018 had me kick off 2019 at 82,4kg, which is a good 5+ drop from 87kg that I registered on 1/1/2018. If I take anything for granted, that’s when I’ll drop off the wagon and go downhill. Like I said though, no spectacular goals as far as fitness goes. Consistency beats not just motivation, but ambition too.

[Volki]

Good luck this year man. I agree that consistency is the key to success.

[DarK_RaideR]

Wow, it's really interesting to look back on my 2019 "roadmap" as the holidays come up. I've had some interesting developments lately too, so I'm looking forward to doing the wrap-up in a month or so from now.

[DarK_RaideR]

If you've been reading my last challenge for 2019, you'll understand my comment above. Therapy came and went, financial dependency came and went too and although what seemed like a promising job offer fell through, I'm headed into 2020 feeling like a weight's been lifted off my shoulders even if the future looks rougher.

 

So with the family and finances evolving like this, the rest of my 2019 report is about fitness and social sensitivity. The first has been a hit and miss situation, I'm feeling a bit under the weather because I missed the last two months of training due to being unable to afford the cost, but it's been ok as an average through the year and tackling the Spartan Super with relative ease is the proof I'm choosing to run with. On the social front, I've stayed mostly inside my comfort zone (read: social media commentator over street activist) but considering I used to be completely silent about such things at all, it's still a step forward. What I've really made some progress in has been integrity. I feel like I've been sticking closer to my core value system, as opposed to a more compromising, complacent me in the past.

 

Enough with the 2019 report, on to the 2020 Road Map!

 

Self Care

Last year I realized how much you can't hope too tackle ambitious fitness goals without first having a solid foundation to build upon. While I've taken the time to work on my foundation, I still need to go deeper and take care of me before I try to work on things outside of my like relationships, work and fitness. I've identified four things I will be breaking this down to:

1. Nutrition. If I eat like crap, I look like crap and feel like crap, simple as that. Having specific nutrition goals on each challenge helps me stay on track, so that's what I'm going to do if I'm to feel better.
2. Workouts. Much like with nutrition above, long absence from physical workouts leaves me feeling weak, flabby, tired, aching and more often than not sliding into bad habits like overeating or having a cigarette. That and the endorphine rush is what I'll be after in order to take care of myself.
3. Appearance. I'm not talking weight loss or toned muscles here, this is about looking my best so I'll also feel my best. Skin care and moisturizing are paramount given my situation, but dressing well and visiting the barber shop a bit more frequently than I already do are also up this alley.
4. Me time. More often than not, I'll put my hobbies and interests in the backburner. This has me doing stuff like playing TEW or reading D&d books at work, which is neither enjoyable for me (as it makes me feel guilty for not getting any work done) nor does it let me get any work done, leading to stress later about unfinished work. I want to make time for my "recharge" activities so I can properly enjoy them, while also preventing that withdrawal syndrome from messing with other aspects of my life.

 

Financial Freedom

I can't stress the importance of this enough. I'm underpaid and overtaxed to the point where I'm barely getting by, while debt slowly keeps accumulating. I have the stress of whether I'm going to make it, alongside the uncertainty of not having some money on the side in case of any emergency. Now after cutting off the umbilical cord of any financial dependency from the family, things are looking even rougher. Ideally, I'd like to bump up my income and be debt free by the end of 2020, but that's not as easy as it sounds.

 

Relationships

A major factor driving my progress so far has been my relationship with the Special Ranger Lady Friend (SRLF). I want to up my fitness for her as much as I want to do it for me, plus she wants to work on her own and I'm hoping I can help her. I want to sort out the family mess because it's taken a big toll on her and the relationship between us two. I want to get out of the debt danger zone because she hasn't experienced much (if any) financial security so far in her life and she worries about this much more than I do plus, frankly, we deserve better than our current financial situation and subsequent stress. So yeah, I do want to sort out the family mess but most importantly, I want to work on improving my much damaged relationship with my girlfriend.

[DarK_RaideR]

Looking back at my 2020 roadmap, it's amazing how I completely forgot it after the first lockdown in Spring, yet still somehow managed to stick to it regardless. Guessing that's a sign that I set it up well. That, or I really needed to take care of those specific goals.

 

On 12/30/2019 at 3:08 PM, DarK_RaideR said:

Self Care

1. Nutrition
2. Workouts
3. Appearance
4. Me time

Nutrition and Workouts went ok, as long as I was out of the house. Lockdown shot those two down and though I could have done better, it wasn't terrible either. Did a lot better on the Appearance front, staying consistent and tackling my dry skin issues. As for Me time, it's not like I got super productive (and honestly, by this point I do miss writing TEW diaries) but I got a hearty dose of tabletop RPG sessions and with the videogame journalism side-gig, I at least get games for free and receive money for playing and writing about them. Which leads me to...

 

On 12/30/2019 at 3:08 PM, DarK_RaideR said:

Financial Freedom

Ideally, I'd like to bump up my income and be debt free by the end of 2020, but that's not as easy as it sounds.

 

Bumping up the income during a year half of which was spent locked inside is no small task, but between my videogame journalism side hustle and state covid benefits, I'm actually at a much better spot than this time last year in that aspect. Which isn't that much a success but rather a testament to how bad I was late last year. Surprisingly enough, I'm also much better in terms of debt. Not 100% debt free, but a large chunk of it has been settled.

 

On 12/30/2019 at 3:08 PM, DarK_RaideR said:

Relationships

I want to sort out the family mess because it's taken a big toll on her and the relationship between us two. I want to get out of the debt danger zone because she hasn't experienced much (if any) financial security so far in her life and she worries about this much more than I do plus, frankly, we deserve better than our current financial situation and subsequent stress. So yeah, I do want to sort out the family mess but most importantly, I want to work on improving my much damaged relationship with my girlfriend.

Again, done well on this front. The financial part has been analyzed above, the family aspect is largely thanks to my understanding of narcissistic behaviours and for that, I have the wonderful people on these forums to help (as well as a law school friend who's been struggling with her own narcissistic mother) for opening my eyes and introducing me to the entire concept. It put a lot of things in context, gave me a full toolset to interpret behaviours and thus handle things.

 

Now, to make a plan for 2021...

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

Congrats on the major debt reduction, here's hoping 2021 is a better year than 2020.

[darkfoxx]

[DarK_RaideR]

One of the funniest things I was told about my 2020 sum-up was that I'm like a unicorn, one of the rare few who managed to actually nail my roadmap from the previous year despite 2020 being the raging dumpster fire it was. Thing is, that's not because I'm awesome or special or planned well. I was coming off a particularly bad 2019, so the only possible way was up. Not downplaying my achievements, merely providing context.

 

Also, despite conventional knowledge saying stuff like "Abs are made in the kitchen" and the Rebellion preaching that our forks cannot be outrun, I had to re-discover the wheel through experience a few years ago when I settled on nutrition being the foundation of my entire fitnessing. So this year...

@Teros made a great point discussing the recent forum changes, when he said that happiness and mental health are even more foundational to one's fitness-wise (and otherwise, I'll add) success. He also chipped in with some great insight on my last 2020 challenge regarding willpower and how having stuff streamlined ahead of time makes it easier to keep up instead of struggling to remain consistent amidst the chaos. And I'll admit it right now, I'm not happy with where I am. Just turned 34 and still struggling with my job, from having any to keep me busy to actually making something and being able to get through the month. Which is made even worse by the fact that I've been a straight-A student who managed to finish law school and get 2 Masters' degrees on top of that. Likewise, my fitness levels are not exactly great and it hurts when I compare them to my days of Crossfitting and Obstacle Course Racing (and I was past 30 even then, before you bring up the age thing). There's a real sense of backtracking here. Of progress lost. Of investment not paying off. Of unrealized potential. It's not like I can set goals to fix this and work towards them either, but it's something that needs fixing. It's the foundation of it all. Gotta heal up and stock up before setting off to slay the proverbial dragon.

 

Ever since my days as a G-man, I've been at peace with the idea of sudden change and unpredictability. The pandemic and all of this 2020 experience was a sharp reminder of how things can quickly get into a terrible mess due to circumstances outside our sphere of influence. So right now, I do feel like I have neither the foundation, nor the drive or direction. I will not be laying out a roadmap for 2021, but instead summoning my inner zen and @Heidi's teachings. Setting up goals right now is ill advised and can only end in disappointment, making me feel more of a failure. It's time to adapt to whatever the hell 2021 throws at us, friends.

 

[Heidi]

Nothing is as soft as water, yet nothing can stand against it.

 

I can't remember which verse of the Tao is the one about water (8, maybe?) but I'll find it and send it along. I like this challenge for you very much. 

 

And congratulations on weathering 2020.

The Way is open.

[DarK_RaideR]

On 12/28/2020 at 6:41 PM, DarK_RaideR said:

Of progress lost. Of investment not paying off. Of unrealized potential. 

This has been a real revelation and I've struggled to come to terms with leaving causality behind. Contrary to what past generations have experienced and will tell us, getting a degree won't guarantee a job anymore. Merely going out to look for one doesn't mean you'll get it. Getting a job won't guarantee even a half-decent income or enough to support housing. And even with everything in place, there's no assurance that you'll have enough money to live a comfortable life or have the time and peace of mind to enjoy what your hard work and income will allow. The linear, cause-effect base paradigm of post WW2 abundance has gone up in flames and down the drain.

 

I took 2021 off from nutrition and physical fitness in order to focus on my headspace and hard as it might have been using introspection alone and no professional help since I can't afford it, I have made progress. Can't say I feel like I'm in an action movie and about to push forward for the final showdown, but 2022 really feels like a make-or-break year up ahead. Something's gotta give and it won't be me.

[DarK_RaideR]

Every time I revisit this thread round the end of each year, I like to take a look back at whatever I posted a year ago, or even further back. This year it's no different, there are a few things worth quoting and expanding on.

 

On 12/28/2020 at 6:41 PM, DarK_RaideR said:

The pandemic and all of this 2020 experience was a sharp reminder of how things can quickly get into a terrible mess due to circumstances outside our sphere of influence.

When I wrote this line two years ago, the implied emphasis was on the "how quickly things can get into a terrible mess all of a sudden" part, which of course was appropriate with everyone's shock of living through the COVID-19 outbreak. However, reading it again now, I see the wisdom in the bolded part that comes after. As my buddy put it at one point in October "Whether they hire you or not, that's up to them, depending on their requirements, preference, alternatives, biases etc. It's not something you can control. What you should focus on instead is yourself and the things you can control". I can't say it's one of those wise revelations that hit you like a punch in the jaw, but it's rather a seed that bloomed later on, after I got hired and heard my new employer confirm what I'd been suspecting for a very long time. See, I couldn't explain why I wasn't even getting called into interviews, so my theory was that they're either looking for entry level folks straight outta college to exploit or established people with 20+ years of experience and a PhD to take in as partners and marquee names; I was overqualified for the first spot and underqualified for the second, stuck in the middle (complete with clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right). This suspicion was finally confirmed when my new employer told the other new hirings that his company aims for young employees with a desire to learn and enough flexibility to be moulded the way he wants them to be. He explicitly named me as an anomaly to that pattern, saying I don't fit the mold as I've learned to work a specific way, have specialized into something and can't be easily reshaped, but he's still keeping me around due to the good feedback. Rather backhanded, passive-aggressive compliment, but I'm just glad my theory proved correct and I'm no madman. There was nothing wrong with me, which of course I knew all along, but in turn it made me even crazier when I wasn't given any chances, which leads to this:

On 11/29/2021 at 11:54 AM, DarK_RaideR said:

I've struggled to come to terms with leaving causality behind.

As easy as it is to concede that all this job seeking thing was outside my control and down to what various potential employers had in mind that I couldn't affect, at the same time it did feel like and excuse for not trying hard enough. I had trouble trying to rationalize this; I had a pretty solid CV, seemed to do everything right and still wasn't even called in for an interview, let alone land a job offer. And of course, besides all the practical problems this was causing in my daily life, it eventually came down to mess with my sense of self worth. Surely I had to be doing something wrong if I was getting absolutely no response for more than 4 years, right?

 

I'd gotten to a point where I had decided that I was going to give up lawyering and try out a new path, or at least deactivate my work papers so I don't start each month with a net added debt of insurance costs on top of the mounting previous ones. In mid 2021, I'd found out about an institution meant to train higher ranking public administrators (the "secret project" I'd been refering to, at the time, in my challenge threads). It required exams to get in, but as soon as you got past the gates, this came with a solid monthly salary and a 1,5 year training period, before graduating to a lifetime job post, an 8-10 year upgrade in terms of salary as if you already had that time in work experience and a diploma that, for public administration purposes, was as good as a PhD. On top of that, the exams had to do with constitutional law, political sciences and public economics, all of which I've been studying throughout my entire academic life. It seemed like a no-brainer, so I applied around Easter of 2021, went through the first stage of exams in autumn, passed and survived the second stage of exams in January 2022. I ended up ranking 185th. when the call was out for 160 people.

This happened with less than a month to prepare between my initial application and the first exams, with no tuition involved (most applicants do take that path and even then they struggle to make it). Given my circumstances, my initial cockiness of "I can do this" went through about a month of disappointment, then returned. Now with the experience of one go, I could take another shot and this time, I would make it. Only I didn't, because I applied again in the springtime  and didn't even make it past the initial culling this time. My grades were pretty good, but apparently I'd said a few extra things in the economics exam in order to cover every base and they considered it useless blather, so I was graded just under the baseline and unless I hit the baseline in all the subjects, regardless of my average grade, I couldn't be promoted to round two. I'd have to say this one hurt even more than the first time where I had a foot in the door, but at the same time it was a relief in a very YOLO kind of way. At the time, I didn't think I'd scraped the bottom of the barrel and the only way was up, I just weighed my options while casually shooting out my CV once more, not really hoping to even get a response. Well whaddya know, not only did I get a response late October, they wanted to hire me immediately! As it turned out, they don't quite bother with interviews but instead bring everyone in; those who do stay with them after a couple of weeks are those who actually get hired. I was one of them and they offered me the salary I asked for, no arguing and they even pay for my insurance expenses on top. Plus the work ethos and atmosphere are great, to the point where sometimes it feels too good to be true. After all these years of struggle, it feels almost surreal to now be experiencing this, but I'm loving every bit of it.

 

The other major event this year was the end of an 8 year relationship with my (now ex)girlfriend and ironically enough, it coincided almost perfectly with me getting hired for the law firm I'm currently working in. I won't get into details about it on a public forum, but of course it's been a rough patch and it's not fully done yet. Living together for so long does tend to leave you with plenty of loose ends to tie up once you break up.

On 12/30/2019 at 3:08 PM, DarK_RaideR said:

I want to work on improving my much damaged relationship with my girlfriend.

The signs were there for quite some time, if I'm honest.

 

 

All that said, I was absolutely right when I said that:

On 11/29/2021 at 11:54 AM, DarK_RaideR said:

2022 really feels like a make-or-break year up ahead.

Lot of it happened during the last few months of the year, but it's certainly been a transitional phase and I'm still going through it as I type these lines. This means there's no concrete road map for 2023, other than to continue the transition and build on the positives. I want to stay excited about my job and build on the opportunity I was given. I want to use the steady income to tie up loose financial ends, such as the accruead insurance debt that I've already broken down into a 2 year payment plan, approved by my creditor. I want to finally enjoy this sense of stability after years of insecurity. I want to keep practicing self care and work on healing up mentally and emotionally. I want to rediscover myself, after seeing a good chunk of it reflected through another person for so long. And whaddya know, maybe I'll be able to get back on this fitness wagon again.

[DarK_RaideR]

On 12/28/2022 at 4:39 PM, DarK_RaideR said:

Every time I revisit this thread round the end of each year,

I realize how much things have changed from the previous year I'd recapped and how off my plans for the next one were, considering what actually happened, where I'm at now that I'm typing this and how things look like in the coming year.  More than ever, I'm coming to terms with the fact that we're all living through extremely volatile, uncertain times.

 

On 12/28/2022 at 4:39 PM, DarK_RaideR said:

Lot of it happened during the last few months of the year, but it's certainly been a transitional phase and I'm still going through it as I type these lines. This means there's no concrete road map for 2023, other than to continue the transition and build on the positives. I want to stay excited about my job and build on the opportunity I was given. I want to use the steady income to tie up loose financial ends, such as the accrued insurance debt that I've already broken down into a 2 year payment plan, approved by my creditor. I want to finally enjoy this sense of stability after years of insecurity. I want to keep practicing self care and work on healing up mentally and emotionally. I want to rediscover myself, after seeing a good chunk of it reflected through another person for so long. And whaddya know, maybe I'll be able to get back on this fitness wagon again.

Feels like things have come full circle and although it might appear like I'm back to square 1 again now, I am not the same person I used to be, so in essence I did "continue the transition and build on the positives".

- I was excited about my new job and this help me rebuild my self confidence back up, until things got so bad I had to quit, without even having found another. It felt like the right decision for my mental health at the time and it still feels like it now, especially as I'm learning about clients (some of them even reaching out to me in person) who feel they've been defrauded, left my former employers and some even want to take them to court.

- I did use the steady income to pay off about a year's worth of my payment plan (until I quit) but still have another one, till the end of 2024. I also used the money for a few purchases like a new laptop, a hood for my motorcycle (thus sparing myself of monthly parking expenses) or a new food dispenser for the cats.

- Despite all of the above, I decided in September to not go through the cycle of job ads, interviews and a new post again. 10+ years of living in a blasted economy with no hope in sight finally did me in, especially when I did the math and realized that as a lawyer with 2 Masters and 10 years of experience I was still earning less than a UK worker on minimum wage, on top of non-economic factors hitting too close to home (read: a friend losing his dad to police brutality under shady circumstances). After a few instances in my life where I'd considered moving abroad, it was finally time to pull the trigger.

- Apparently the stars aligned because around that time, I finally met @deftona in person and the rest is history  As far as this recap is concerned though, it only solidified my decision to move abroad and specifically, where she is in order to be with her.

- Needless to say, my parents were pretty concerned about what my next steps after quitting would be and to absolutely no one's surprise, they weren't exactly thrilled with my plans. However, we've been able to communicate much better and on a more equal basis now, which is a step forward. The early chats with my father resulted in me getting back in touch with my therapist and already much progress has been made after only a few therapy sessions. This helped me, among other things, to break the news to my mom, who was surprised and not quite excited, but at least she did display a modicum of respect and support.

This brings us to this December, a month I've booked off to spend all of the holidays with deffy. We were supposed to have a great time and maybe test the waters a bit while I was applying for a visa sponsoring job (fucking Brexit), but then the Torries decided to bump up the financial requirements for a visa. Not saying this has absolutely ruined everything, we're still trying to not let it ruin our holidays together, but it was certainly a slap in the face and another reminder that things are constantly changing, rarely for the better.

 

Can I realistically hope to make even the slightest Roadmap for 2024? No

 

Will that stop me? Also no

 

Eyes on the prize. The methods and pathways might change, but the end goal of the BangsterMasterplan remains the same,

 

 

It's time to Ranger the fuck out of 2024

[DarK_RaideR]

On 12/12/2023 at 6:01 PM, DarK_RaideR said:

Can I realistically hope to make even the slightest Roadmap for 2024? No

 

Will that stop me? Also no

 

Well I've been reconsidering the above statement after deffy posted her 2024 Roadmap, specifically after I read this part:

  

2 hours ago, deftona said:

A lot of the future things we have tried to plan over the last few months have been thrown into a tailspin not least with the changes to visa regulations for legal migration so it looks like we’re playing this on hard mode. No matter, just so happens we’re open to pretty much anything and ready to roll with whatever punches come our way. Because of so many things being so uncertain, my goals are all going to be ones that are completely down to my own effort and not reliant on any external influences. I’d like to find a solution to live with D_R. I’d like to increase my income because I live in a big fancy house all on my own and my salary is stretched. And I’d like a nest egg to fall back on. But all of those require something external happening to put me in a better position and I am increasingly learning nothing can be taken for granted. The following goals and things I want to achieve that are entirely dependent on my own efforts, and my own efforts alone.

 

I figured that's a great approach and quite frankly, it reminded me of my bestie's advice a few years ago (and a few posts further up this thread) about being unable to control whether employers would choose to hire me or not so I should focus on what I can control. Clearly I haven't fully learned that lesson yet. Either way, it's probably a good idea to think about the things I can manage to achieve in 2024 based on my own efforts alone.

 

Reading

Between a job that involves a lot of reading/writing and a lifestyle that's all about going out in the evenings, I've not been reading as much as I'd like to. According to my GoodReads data, I've gone through 5 books this year (one was technically a comic book, but it's the 307 page classic "Incal", so I'm counting it). My peak year was 7 books in 2015, so my goal for 2024 is to do one better and read at least 8 books.

 

Music

I've started a project that involves listening to various important albums in chronological order, then posting my thoughts and ratings on Instagram (account is "TodayOnDecks" if you're curious). The list so far includes 2.373 albums, of which I've currently reviewed 18. My goal for 2024 is to continue doing this at the rate of at least one album per day.

 

Videogames

Pretty sure I'm not the only one who's struggling with an ever growing backlog of games, but I keep reminding myself they're supposed to be fun, not an obligation. Still, inspired by my music goal but without doing any specific project like that, I'd like to play at least one new game for at least one hour every month.

 

Languages

Been doing Spanish and refreshing my German on Duolingo since the end of the summer, so I'm currently on  130 day streak or something. It's not ideal, but it's free and it's better than nothing. Plain and simple, practice both languages and keep the streak going.