Maaya's Eternal Quest to Level Up - 2014 edition!

[starsapart]

Vacillating in and out of that accursed low today... been listening to this a lot and weirdly it's getting me through the morning:

 

 

Some ramblings ahead, as always skip if you'd rather!

 

I've been feeling some frustrations over another online community I belong to, which is fairly toxic and makes me feel bad about myself at random intervals. I'm counting down until I can finally leave there, but it's going to be months, anyway, due to commitments I've made and personal tenacity. Because of that place and the people I interact with there, I've also been thinking about friendships - namely, that I have very few of them when I disconnect from the internet. I used to have people I could call to stay up drinking tea and chatting about life all night, but one by one those people left for greener pastures. I really want to make RL friends, but it seems I don't know how to do it anymore. It was so much easier in college!!! Sometimes adulting is really challenging.

My social life quest last challenge helped me feel a bit better about all of this, but I was always seeing the same few people and talking about the same superficial subjects because I don't think I have anyone left with whom I can be completely honest. Hrm. I think I'm probably at least partially responsible for that but I don't know how to fix it. It's not helping any that the person I consider my closest friend (the one who visited recently) has also moved on to new friends in most areas of her life and doesn't seem to have very much to say to me anymore in comparison to where we were a year ago, or especially two. Very distressing as that is one relationship I've tried so hard to nurture.

 

Feeling lonely sucks.  "But Maaya, you're married," you might say.  Yes, I am, and thankfully, that means I do have my wife in my corner, but that relationship isn't without its complications, either (what relationship isn't, though?), and it would be really nice to have a friend to talk to sometimes (about those complications among other things).  Sigh.

 

In other news, I'm looking forward to making my shoulder stabilizers weep today... ha.  Week two of the spreadsheet of doom commences in 10 minutes.

[Ciara]

Well you can call me at any time even though we're not RL friends and don't actually know each other that well....

[starsapart]

Well you can call me at any time even though we're not RL friends and don't actually know each other that well....

 

Ahahaha careful, I may take you up on that.

[Bonsai]

I feel the same about RL friends. I have lots of people with whom I occasionally have dinner or go for drinks, but not many (if any) I feel I can call in the middle of the night if necessary. Not really sure how to make new friends like that.

 

Making friends to just hang out with doesn't have to be that difficult: find someone you like, find something you both like, ask 'let's do that together some time?' . Yet another reason I feel it's too bad grown ups have outgrown simply playing outside. How awesome would it be to ring your neighbours doorbell and ask them if they want to play hide and seek

[starsapart]

Ah, I don't really have people for dinner/drinks even ^^;

 

"Find someone you like" would be simple if I could meet people, but I only really work, and making friends at work is kind of hard.  Maybe I can meet some interesting people when I can go back to fitness classes/start silks?  idk????????

 

I am trying to imagine myself doing this... I think my neighbors and I have exchanged less than a dozen words ever, that would be so hilarious.  These poor people would be like "whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa?"

[Bonsai]

Haha, maybe you should just try it. If you never talk anyway, what does it matter if they think you're weird?

 

Making friends at work: I don't know much about this as I never had a 'real' job yet, but I do know it's rather common around here for offices to have 'VrijMiBo's' which means Friday afternoon drinks (I guess it would be FriAfDri in English if you'd follow the same logic). There you can talk with your collegues in an informal setting. Don't you have anything like that?

[starsapart]

Haha, maybe you should just try it. If you never talk anyway, what does it matter if they think you're weird?

 

Making friends at work: I don't know much about this as I never had a 'real' job yet, but I do know it's rather common around here for offices to have 'VrijMiBo's' which means Friday afternoon drinks (I guess it would be FriAfDri in English if you'd follow the same logic). There you can talk with your collegues in an informal setting. Don't you have anything like that?

 

Except they have kids and I don't want them to think we're creepers, especially as I have no idea how they feel about a lesbian couple living next door herp derp...

 

And ha!  No!  We don't socialize outside of work almost ever, except when it's to talk about more work.  My company culture does not encourage wasting time that you could be working on not-work.  The few times we've had happy hours it's usually because an out-of-state account team is in town and we... talk about work, just without getting paid.

[Ciara]

Your job sounds like it sucks

[Muscle Professor]

Just saw your firefly posts, i loved firefly! 

[starsapart]

Your job sounds like it sucks

 

It doesn't!  I quite like my job and the benefits associated with it, but socialization just isn't high on the company culture priority list... does that make sense?

 

Just saw your firefly posts, i loved firefly! 

 

One of my favorite shows of all time!!!!!!!!

[dsavage]

Hey Maaya,

I've just read over your thread, the progress you've made is awesome! It's really

something to look up to.

 

I feel your pain when it comes to clothes. It seemed like I went from too big for my clothes (and having

nothing to wear) to to small for my clothes (and having nothing to wear), and who wants to waste money

on something that might not fit in a month?

 

Good luck on this challenge!

[dsavage]

oh, p.s. I'm not up to late night phone calls and tea but hop on the irc anytime you're bored and say hi!

[starsapart]

oh, p.s. I'm not up to late night phone calls and tea but hop on the irc anytime you're bored and say hi!

 

Ha, I would, but I'm not able to access chat anymore for some reason... I put in a ticket for it, but so far, no word.

 

Thanks for the kind words however!

[Ciara]

It doesn't!  I quite like my job and the benefits associated with it, but socialization just isn't high on the company culture priority list... does that make sense?

Yeah it does. It makes tons of sense. I'm glad you get good benefits, even if making friends isn't one of them.

[starsapart]

Random update time!

 

I have a possibility of weighing in under 170 this weekend... and if not this weekend, then certainly next week (my weekly weight loss varies pretty significantly, but 3-4 pounds in a week is not abnormal for me these days).  It's so eerie.  I look back at the clothes I wore at 205 (there are, notably, very few photographs) and in my mind I still look like that - sometimes when I see myself in the mirror, I do a double-take.  Who is that woman in the loose clothing? Do I know her?  Since when does that sweater hang off of me?

 

I ran into a former colleague in the gym yesterday.  He hasn't seen me since we both changed jobs - I'd say since June or so.  He did a double-take, too.  And another colleague told me yesterday that last week's attempt at Firefly in yoga was impressive to him - apparently, he was in the back of the room (I was in the front) and he says I was the only one who got it.  Only for instants, but still.  I did something impressive.

 

These small reminders of my competence help reassure me that however low my self-esteem, I'm on the right track to be a better me.

[dsavage]

I'm pretty sure you've just:

 

 

Great job!

[Ciara]

Yeah dude! You're worth a lot and I'm glad you're always pushing forward no matter how hard it gets. I'm jumping up and down in my chair right now, I'm so excited for you

[starsapart]

Thanks!  I still don't see my own worth very well, but I have momentum on my side and so... onwards!

[starsapart]

So, after much research, I'm (grudgingly) giving stevia a try.  I use agave nectar to sweeten my tea (subbed it for sugar a few years back and use consistently less than I did of sugar), but as MFP continues to mercilessly slash my calorie allowance, and as I see my sugars show red almost every day if I dare to eat half a piece of fruit, or something, I've decided to see if I can stomach the stevia aftertaste so as to let agave go.  I don't eat sweets very often, so having my sugars be over consistently even when I eat almost entirely whole foods is a serious bummer.  I keep reminding myself that I didn't love agave when I started using it - I grew to enjoy the taste of it over time.  Hopefully the same can happen with stevia... because sweetened tea is such an integral part of my cultural heritage and such an instant mood-lifter and throwback to happier times, it is something I refuse to give up.  So... day one of stevia adventures, here goes.

 

Also, last night I had an incredibly intense craving for soy and ginger marinated pork over rice.  I couldn't find the thin-sliced stir fry pork at the American grocery store (sad story of my life; why can't every store carry ingredients for Japanese cooking?) so I bought a big pack of thin-sliced pork chops, cut them into strips, and made 35oz of the stuff.  Seriously.  Several days of food, get!  It doesn't taste quite right because the cut of meat is not quite right, but still, it was so satisfying to eat it yesterday.  Sadly, I think my rice cooker is on its last legs, though... not that I eat rice very often anymore, but when I do, I wish it would come out fluffy and just sticky enough and not... this weird texture that I've gotten the last few times.  SIGH.

 

OH WELL!

 

It's yoga day, and also date night.  And I now own pants!  All is well enough in my world~

[starsapart]

Something I needed to see today:

 

 

[Quilly]

Hope you're still keeping strong,Maaya! It's nice to read up on your stuff again.

[shaar]

BUTT KICKING AWESOMENESS!  I wish every day could be full of YEAH I GOT THIS but some of them are like... ugghhh... I'm not sure if I got this at all... can I just icecream instead?!

 

 

You can dooooooo eet! ( And by doooo eet I probably not get an icecream carton stuck on your head!  )

[starsapart]

Took a photo today mostly to show off Hermione's my Time Turner, then realized that in the 10 pounds since the last selfie, my face shape completely changed???

 

 

PS: Was accused by Kagetsukai of duckface, but no, that is my resting facial expression, ffs!  You can even see my teeth!  I just didn't want to smile!!!!!

[starsapart]

Hope you're still keeping strong,Maaya! It's nice to read up on your stuff again.

 

Yay, welcome back, Quilly!  I'm still chugging along.

 

BUTT KICKING AWESOMENESS!  I wish every day could be full of YEAH I GOT THIS but some of them are like... ugghhh... I'm not sure if I got this at all... can I just icecream instead?!

 

 

You can dooooooo eet! ( And by doooo eet I probably not get an icecream carton stuck on your head!  )

 

Curses.  Now I want ice cream.......

[shaar]

Took a photo today mostly to show off Hermione's my Time Turner, then realized that in the 10 pounds since the last selfie, my face shape completely changed???

 

 

HOW ARE YOU SO COOL?!  Seriously.  The cool, it is you.

 

I suffer from EXTREME RBF - Resting Bitch Face.  I have a few candid photos where I'm standing and talking with friends and it looks like I'd rather poke their eyes out.