Strawberry Squatcake - Mind, Body and Spirit

[Strawberry Squatcake]

I decided not to do an official challenge this time around. I'm working mostly on mind/spirit stuff, and I know that can fall in a challenge group, but I don't want anyone to feel like they have to keep up. It seems kind of counter-productive to have a thread online when I'm trying to avoid internet/media/social stuff, but Nerd Fitness is kind of a safe zone. So I'm allowing it. I am the judge of this contest, after all.

 

I wrote a super-summarized list, then went into detail, mostly so I could kind of talk through what I want to accomplish. The mind category is the most detailed, because that's probably my biggest change this challenge. Body is reinforcing many, many challenges. Spirit is very specific and things I've been trying to do the past few weeks. 

 

Summary:

 

Mind: Media detox.
Body: Workout, sleep, eat well.
Spirit: Go to yoga. Be honest with myself and others. Find contentment.
Life: Buy a mattress.

 

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Expanded:

 

Mind:

 

Media Purge/Detox/Avoidance - Avoid (as much as possible):

• Most news stories
• Social media
• Advertisements
• Radio
• Television
• Internet (in general, especially needless research)

I worked on this some last challenge, and am ready to take it a step further.

 

The goals are:

1. Rid myself of wanting stuff (things, experiences, people, etc.).
2. Stop comparing myself to others or unrealistic ideals.
3. Avoid propaganda, anger, hate speech, and anything of the general vitriol nature.
4. Stop wasting time online.
5. Ignore the competition cycle of social media.
6. Continue to work on not being shamed for “not trying hard enough†with diet/fitness/weight.

Remember:

 

1. I have a good job, and have my share of stress I handle well.
2. I keep up a house, a yard, cooking, social and family life, etc. All on my own.
3. I take care of my body by feeding it (what I think is) nutritious food, and being honest about what does and doesn’t work, regardless of what does and doesn’t work for others.
4. I challenge my body through walking, jogging, lifting, yoga, etc. But I don’t over-extend just because others are able to do something, or because something works for someone else.
5. I need to respect who I am, where I am, and understand the media’s ideals are unrealistic and unnecessary.
6. I have plenty of things to be happy for. If I’m unhappy for a short time, try to appreciate the journey. Or, if it’s chronic, figure out the root cause of the unhappiness.
7. I have plenty of people, things, and experiences in my life to be happy. Stop chasing something society wants me to believe I need, when I already have more than enough.  

Body:

• Some type of workout 5 days a week. At least one full rest day.
• No fast food/Simple meal plans.
• Sleep 7 hours.

Spirit:

 

My only spiritual connection comes from sunset yoga. I chase that feeling. I don’t get it every single time, but when I do? Bliss! The goal is to make it to the sunset class every week (since it’s a limited time class). I’m also slowly getting more out of indoor yoga classes. So I also want to make it to at least one additional yoga class per week, focusing on the one I like the most (Wednesday nights).

 

On top of that, I want to focus on:

1. Truthfulness – Be honest with myself. Be honest (but kind) with others. And seek to find the real root of a conflict.
2. Contentment – Spend quiet time outside every day. Focus on being thankful for the things I have, and think about what I can gain by facing challenges in my life.

Life Goal:

 

Buy a mattress by the end of the challenge. This will hopefully help with sleep (at least stop the not sleeping because I can’t get comfortable part). Pass/Fail

 

 

[Strawberry Squatcake]

Yesterday:

 

Workout was an 18 minute T-Tapp workout. Didn't sweat as much with this one, so I felt like I never really got going. Not sure what that was about. But my upper body feels looser today, so I'll take it.

 

I also never talked about my weekend of bound ankle poses. An instructor at a gentle yoga class I went to awhile back mentioned someone who sat or laid in bound ankle for a half hour everyday until her hips laid flat on the floor. I thought, "Huh, I can do that!" I didn't ever do a half hour straight, but every day I tried to get as much time I could in this pose:

 

 

Or this pose:

 

 

I also did a variation of this common MWOD before bed for maybe 30-60 seconds per side: 

 

 

And then finally did some sun salutations and got into pigeon on each leg for a few minutes:

 

 

OK, that sounds like a lot. But the before bed time was probably about 10 minutes. And the sitting or laying in bound ankle was when I was doing other stuff. If I found myself sitting somewhere, I'd sit on the floor in bound ankle. If I was reading, I'd lay in it. 

 

I'm telling you what - my hips feel all loosey goosey. I mean, I'm no K Starr, but progress! And I think the bound ankle is what's doing it. (I might be wrong.)

 

I got some sleep last night (YAY!) but woke up in the middle of the night so freaking hot. I need to check my thermostat and make sure the house doesn't randomly get hotter at some point in the night.

 

I ate well (no fast food!), and did some of the mindful gratitude, acceptance and contentment stuff. And the strange thing is I've started to notice all of the negativity around me. Not really in a bad way, more of a detached way. I feel like my body/mind can absorb anything around it that I allow it to. I can be fun/social if the situation is right. Or I can be negative/grouchy if I let myself. And I always thought that was a good thing, but I feel like being detached from the emotion a little, evaluating it, then either ignoring it or carrying on is working well right now. The bad thing is, some of my close friends are the source of the negativity, and I DON'T want to be in that cycle anymore. So I'll have to see how I proceed with that. 

 

Tonight: SUNSET YOGA!

 

Princess Heather and I were talking about hot yoga, and I looked around and found a few places that offer hot "glow" yoga. Which is a late session of yoga in candlelight. I might buy a block of sessions and start going to that once a week when it cools off. It's hard to imagine going to a hot class in this heat! (But who knows? Maybe I'd still love it?) It sounds like a nice addition to my schedule. Or a possible replacement for sunset yoga when that's over. 

 

I think that's all I've got.

[Strawberry Squatcake]

Oh! Also, my sourdough starter! I've been "feeding" it everyday. Around 1/8th of a cup of water and flour. And then a pinch of either rye flour or sugar. I can't decide if I might need to do more flour than this. I've seen anywhere from "don't feed it at all the first week" to "you have to feed it AT LEAST once a day." So I'm kind of hanging out in the middle. Not feeding it a ton, but feeding it daily. I might jump up to 1/4th a cup of water and flour. When it goes into the fridge this weekend, I'll probably take it out once a week or so to feed it. (I'll likely make bread once a week or so.) 

[Hermione Gainser]

Haven't caught up yet, but obviously need to be here.

[PrincessHeather]

I think as long as you're seeing healthy activity (bubbles etc) you're feeding enough and it's warm enough. I think my starter that died was too cold and then too hot when I put it in the oven with the light. The light made it hot, not warm like I needed. I like that it isn't usually hot at all in Alaska, but the ambient temp in my kitchen doesn't make for good fermentation. I've actually started putting my bottled kombucha on a heating pad for the 2nd fermentation, since I wasn't getting fizzies like I wanted. I might have to make a spot for my new starter on the pad.

 

My yoga studio does the hot yoga in a dimly lit room, which I think helps with coping with the heat. It's not candles, but its a stand of those tube type Christmas lights. I bet you'd find that a more spiritual experience, especially once they stop doing the sunset class outdoors.

 

Awesome work on your mobility! I was talking to my little bro yesterday who took up gymnastics in the off season from baseball, and he said that since starting all the crazy bendy stuff, he's seen his squat jump up like 30 lbs in a couple weeks. You you're definitely doing something beneficial for overall health and strength.

[Strawberry Squatcake]

Haven't caught up yet, but obviously need to be here.

 

No worries. I know it's wordy. Never feel like you have to "catch up." Just drop in with a gif or to pour awesome sauce on me. I'm low maintenance! 

 

I think as long as you're seeing healthy activity (bubbles etc) you're feeding enough and it's warm enough. I think my starter that died was too cold and then too hot when I put it in the oven with the light. The light made it hot, not warm like I needed. I like that it isn't usually hot at all in Alaska, but the ambient temp in my kitchen doesn't make for good fermentation. I've actually started putting my bottled kombucha on a heating pad for the 2nd fermentation, since I wasn't getting fizzies like I wanted. I might have to make a spot for my new starter on the pad.

 

My yoga studio does the hot yoga in a dimly lit room, which I think helps with coping with the heat. It's not candles, but its a stand of those tube type Christmas lights. I bet you'd find that a more spiritual experience, especially once they stop doing the sunset class outdoors.

 

Awesome work on your mobility! I was talking to my little bro yesterday who took up gymnastics in the off season from baseball, and he said that since starting all the crazy bendy stuff, he's seen his squat jump up like 30 lbs in a couple weeks. You you're definitely doing something beneficial for overall health and strength.

 

Sourdough Starter: Last night I did a full 1/4c of flour and water (and a pinch of sugar and rye - lol, I feel a little silly doing that, but what the heck?), and the whole thing rose up again. So maybe there's a reason people say they put anywhere from 1/4-1c of flour and water per day. I can't imagine the volume if I did a cup a day. I also started with half a batch of starter, so that's why I was thinking I could get away with less, but there was a definite difference when I did more flour. So keep that in mind when you start yours if it seems to kind of die. (Assuming the rising up is what we want!) Mine has already started to get the brown "hooch" in it, which I've been stirring in. I'm going out of town Friday, so I plan to stir in one last bit of flour Friday morning and stick it in the fridge for the weekend. Then figure out what approach to take to make bread next weekend. Until then, I'll probably keep doing 1/4c of flour/water each day. And alternating rye and sugar. 

 

Hot yoga: Now that you mention it, I htink all of the classes I've been in have been dimly lit! But, the Y also turns off their lights for their regular yoga (they also turn off the fans and the air to the room, but don't heat it). I agree that the candles (with the right instructor) could be just what I want when sunset isn't available during the cooler months. I'm already dreading seeing it go. 

 

I feel like now that I'm more stretched, I can feel my weaknesses. It's like my body was tensing up to compensate, so areas I didn't feel were weak suddenly feel weak. For example, I was up to 60lbs (2 30lb dumbbells) on bridges and hip thrusts. And was doing single leg bridge with a smaller weight (around 10lbs) and hip thrusts around 25lbs for a single leg). Anyway, after getting my hips (and probably glutes) all loose, we did a bridge in the next yoga class and I almost fell over doing an unweighted single leg bridge. It's like my strength plummeted. But, really, i bet there never was strength and it was somehow recruiting it from somewhere else and because eerything was so tight I couldn't tell. I feel like the ability to really focus on glute strength now will be a turning point for squat form and improvement! (ALthough I am terrified to get under a barbell now. Hahah!)

 

 

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Yesterday: 

 

Sunset yoga. It was 105 degree heat index here (around 97 or 98 degree actual high I think), so I was actually kind of dreading yoga. The instructor said he was excited it was so hot because "this is how sunset yoga SHOULD be." I wanted to punch him and tell him, "You don't get me at all!" Well, he was right! Once we got going, I was surprised I wasn't any hotter than doing indoor yoga. And I stretched so much more. I almost got my feet flat on the mat for down dog. OK, maybe not totally "ALMOST" but closer than I've ever been. Ever. Even in hot yoga. And the sunset was amazing. And I told my friend, "I want to ask him to turn on those water buckets he sometimes turns on becuase I miss it when he doesn't." But I never told him because I'm chicken. And he turned them on! So it was actually a pretty perfect class, minus the spider that crawled on me (there were lots of bugs, but strangely no mosquitoes). 

 

Work. Oh man, work. So much drama. I'm in the middle of playing peacekeeper at work. It's a challenge, but I am determined to own it. I am also going to directly address our department not returning emails to each other. That's my pet peeve. You work 10 feet from me, and you can't show me the courtesy of returning my emails?! I feel like if you can't support each other in your direct team, that's the biggest insult of all. Things went so well with talking to my boss a few weeks ago, I hope this goes just as well and it doesn't end up being the straw that breaks the camel's back. But for real, do youwant me walking over to your desk? Because I will instead of emailing if you can't respond. 

 

I think that's all I've got! 

 

Oh, I got two awards at work today. So that's a really nice feeling to be appreciated when I've felt really burned out, unappreciated, and invisible lately. They give out awards at quarterly meetings by nomination, and somehow I got nominated for two. I've never seen that, so it was a really nice surprise. And it's made my day. I hope that it somehow influences my pull in getting some things to change, but I'm trying not to get my hopes up.

 

And I got a day off approved so I can visit my sister and her family this weekend! With my failed trip last week, I'm excited to do something fun this weekend! 

[Strawberry Squatcake]

7/23:

 

Work: Really good! I already mentioned the awards yesterday. I did feel like I was running around five minutes late to everything all day. I think getting in to work late b/c of the meeting made everything else be thrown off. BUT! I left "early" (meaning I still worked a full day, but earlier than usual because of the early meeting) and a couple of us met up for drinks before yoga. Yes, drinking before yoga. It was a good plan minus anything involving sudden twisting. Haha. I almost fell over a few times. There was one part that was forearm planks (which I already hate more than normal because we've already done a ton of planks) and he rocks to each side. I was like, "Yeah, no." And I looked over and theo ther two were just laying there looking like, "WTF did we do to ourselves?" But the rest of the class was surprisingly not bad. It's not like we were drunk. Maybe just baaaaaaaaaarely tipsy. But enough to get the giggles going. And probably enough to think less during class, which is always good. 

 

Some of the mind/spirit stuff: I have actually been doing really well with the gratitude/appreciation thing. One thing I read is to breathe in gratitude for whatever's bothering you (be grateful for the challenge, whatever it is), then breathe out appreciation. I have been trying to breathe in being grateful for the challenge, then breathe out appreciating where I'll be when I get through it. It's silly, but it works. Although, there's a limit. I couldn't breathe through the moving sphinx planks, for example.

 

Media detox:
 

• I haven't listened to any real radio this week. I've either listened to a book on tape (Stephanie Plum book) or my iPod. 
• I did watch some TV on Monday, but was really distracted/bored, so I probably didn't take in much of the ads. And I tried to do other stuff on commercial breaks. 
• I'm on and off of social media. The more I'm on, the more I see how it's a general distraction from productivity, or me witnessing fights with no resolution possible. Mostly I find stuff like that funny, because why argue with someone on something YOU'D never change your mind on? How will you get them to change their minds? So that winless part of the fight is entertaining. But on the other hand, it's kind of sad because that's kind of the state of everything. There's no real "right" or "wrong" on a lot of things. It's just opinions and perceptions. And a lot of anger. Why bother?

 

Sleep: I turned my a/c down two degrees last night. Apparently some insane part of me thought I'd save a penny on the electric bill and I have the thermostat go up 2 degrees at night. No more. I slept like a rock last night. I didn't want to get out of bed this morning. What a simple fix. And, really, how much is 2 degrees going to cost? Less than the loss of sleep. Boom! 

[raptron]

The sweat from hot yoga sessions becomes secondary to oohing and ahhing at how much easier the poses are in the heat. It seriously ramps your flexibility up to 11. Definitely bring a towel though if you go, especially if you have sweaty hands/feet like me. 

 

Congratulations on your awards!

[PrincessHeather]

Awesome on the temperature change and sleep correlation. I can't sleep when I'm hot, I just get restless and feel awful. Up here our house doesn't get hot too often, but when it does we have multiple fans running. Totally worth the expense for a good night's sleep!

[Strawberry Squatcake]

I've been doing this peace/acceptance/gratitude thing for a little over a week, and yesterday I got a record two awards at one meeting, and today I've been offered a promotion heading up a brand new department (if all goes as planned, it doesn't always). 

 

Everyone stop what you're doing, breathe in gratitude for your struggles and out acceptance for what you're going to learn from it. It's like bone broth or sunset yoga. Miraculous. 

[Strawberry Squatcake]

OK, truthfully, I've been working on my attitude for a few challenges now. But I really think when I stopped focusing on doing more and started doing less, my whole attitude and approach changed and I got a lot more relaxed and patient. I'm NOT a patient person anyway. But I just sort of accepted where I was in life, at work, etc. And decided to be happy with it and do as much as I can in a day without killing myself. And all of these things have started happening.

 

I've also been hesitant to say the scale's also been down a few pounds. Hesitant because 1. it's super-hot and I'm probalby sweating out half my body weight and 2. when I was sick I didn't eat as much as normal and have been STARVING this week. 

 

I know I over-use this image, but it's all happening? 

 

 

(The old me would wait for the other shoe to drop.)

[Strawberry Squatcake]

The sweat from hot yoga sessions becomes secondary to oohing and ahhing at how much easier the poses are in the heat. It seriously ramps your flexibility up to 11. Definitely bring a towel though if you go, especially if you have sweaty hands/feet like me. 

 

Congratulations on your awards!

 

Is it weird I LOVE the sweat? I love sweating. I don't know why. I've always loved it, even when I was in high school during volleyball hell week, I'd feel so fantastic after a good sweat. 

 

Anyway you're right on the stretch! Sunset yoga when it's hot? MORE, PLEASE! I actually looked ahead to next week and was a bit bummed the temp was down slightly next Tuesday. I HATE summer. So that was a really weird perspective flip! 

 

Awesome on the temperature change and sleep correlation. I can't sleep when I'm hot, I just get restless and feel awful. Up here our house doesn't get hot too often, but when it does we have multiple fans running. Totally worth the expense for a good night's sleep!

 

Yes. I'm almost about to turn it down another degree tonight just because I deserve it. :)

 

I'm a hot sleeper, so you'd think this would have come to me sooner. I reset my thermostat every summer thinking, "No, this will be better." Next summer I need to remember to LEAVE IT! (My thermostat has a heat and a/c mode with timers.)

[raptron]

Not weird at all. I, too, love the sweat. Though sometimes, it tricks me into thinking I had a good workout just because I am sweaty... nope, usually just means it's hot. 

[Hermione Gainser]

I've been doing this peace/acceptance/gratitude thing for a little over a week, and yesterday I got a record two awards at one meeting, and today I've been offered a promotion heading up a brand new department (if all goes as planned, it doesn't always). 

 

Everyone stop what you're doing, breathe in gratitude for your struggles and out acceptance for what you're going to learn from it. It's like bone broth or sunset yoga. Miraculous. 

 

I love you.

 

Is it weird I LOVE the sweat? I love sweating. I don't know why. I've always loved it, even when I was in high school during volleyball hell week, I'd feel so fantastic after a good sweat. 

 

Anyway you're right on the stretch! Sunset yoga when it's hot? MORE, PLEASE! I actually looked ahead to next week and was a bit bummed the temp was down slightly next Tuesday. I HATE summer. So that was a really weird perspective flip! 

 

 

Yes. I'm almost about to turn it down another degree tonight just because I deserve it. :)

 

I'm a hot sleeper, so you'd think this would have come to me sooner. I reset my thermostat every summer thinking, "No, this will be better." Next summer I need to remember to LEAVE IT! (My thermostat has a heat and a/c mode with timers.)

 

I love sweating, too!

 

And seriously, the thermostat thing: yes!  We turn ours down pretty low at night because otherwise there is no sleep.  It is what it is, right?  I'm intrigued by this chillow, too. I wonder if it would be helpful or if it's a load of junk.

[PrincessHeather]

I've been doing this peace/acceptance/gratitude thing for a little over a week, and yesterday I got a record two awards at one meeting, and today I've been offered a promotion heading up a brand new department (if all goes as planned, it doesn't always). 

 

Everyone stop what you're doing, breathe in gratitude for your struggles and out acceptance for what you're going to learn from it. It's like bone broth or sunset yoga. Miraculous. 

 

This is fantastic news! It's because you're a rock star!

 

The sweat from hot yoga sessions becomes secondary to oohing and ahhing at how much easier the poses are in the heat. It seriously ramps your flexibility up to 11. Definitely bring a towel though if you go, especially if you have sweaty hands/feet like me. 

 

Congratulations on your awards!

 

 

And seriously, the thermostat thing: yes!  We turn ours down pretty low at night because otherwise there is no sleep.  It is what it is, right?  I'm intrigued by this chillow, too. I wonder if it would be helpful or if it's a load of junk.

 

Hmm, for the price I'd be surprised if it's as awesome at it sounds, but it's also not so much that it's not worth just trying it out. Hmm.

[MasterOfCows]

I can't stand sleeping when I'm hot.  So I hear you, it really does make all the difference!

 

I also really love your list in your 1st post.  Some things in there that I forget about from time to time - especially these ones: 

1. Stop comparing myself to others or unrealistic ideals.
2. Continue to work on not being shamed for “not trying hard enough†with diet/fitness/weight.

I feel like I'm doing these a lot with my physio stuff.  I needed this reminder.  Thanks.

CONGRATS on all the positive work changes.  Looks like everything's comin' up SS baby!

[Morrigainz]

Hell. I just saw this. I've got a lot of catching up to do.

[Strawberry Squatcake]

Not weird at all. I, too, love the sweat. Though sometimes, it tricks me into thinking I had a good workout just because I am sweaty... nope, usually just means it's hot. 

 

I haven't really been aiming for "hardest workout, ever" right now, so yoga is kind of perfect for where I am right now. 

 

I love you.

 

 

I love sweating, too!

 

And seriously, the thermostat thing: yes!  We turn ours down pretty low at night because otherwise there is no sleep.  It is what it is, right?  I'm intrigued by this chillow, too. I wonder if it would be helpful or if it's a load of junk.

 

The days of saving money are gone. My temp now drops 2 degrees at night (instead of going up 1-2 degrees). So a net 3-4 degree difference. I'm sleeping so much better. (Well, I've also been crazy exhausted.)

 

I bought a cooling pillow (not that exact one) once. I didn't notice a difference. I've never really had that "flip the pillow over to the cool side" thing work for me, either. So I know no love that is a cool pillow. Sad face! 

 

This is fantastic news! It's because you're a rock star!

 

 

 

 

Hmm, for the price I'd be surprised if it's as awesome at it sounds, but it's also not so much that it's not worth just trying it out. Hmm.

 

I should clarify my sunset yoga is NOT hot yoga. Even if it's hot outside, there's still a breeze, and it's not as hard as the actual hot yoga classes I've been to. (Although being a hotter day does make some parts more  challenging - he doesn't do much power yoga, though, so that's another difference between that and other hot classes I've taken.)

 

And the night yoga I've been talking about (with candles) is less hot. I believe those classes are around 85 degrees. 

 

So I want warm yoga. Can that be my thing? :)

 

I can't stand sleeping when I'm hot.  So I hear you, it really does make all the difference!

 

I also really love your list in your 1st post.  Some things in there that I forget about from time to time - especially these ones: 

1. Stop comparing myself to others or unrealistic ideals.
2. Continue to work on not being shamed for “not trying hard enough†with diet/fitness/weight.

I feel like I'm doing these a lot with my physio stuff.  I needed this reminder.  Thanks.

CONGRATS on all the positive work changes.  Looks like everything's comin' up SS baby!

 

#2 is a really hard one for me since I haven't lost any weight. I compare myself to what others are doing/can do, and forget that those things were counter-productive for me. I've even done the horrible thing of comparing me now to me in the past - what I could do, how I lost weight, etc. None of that is good for anyone. I am who I am right now. ANd that's OK! I'll do the best I can with where I am, and that's good enough!

 

Your physio stuff sounds so frustrating. Major props to you!

 

Work. Man, that took a turn for the worse this week (more below). Sigh. I knew the other shoe would drop. 

 

Hell. I just saw this. I've got a lot of catching up to do.

 

Never. You know what's important. And that's that we're running away together.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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OK, work. It's ruining everything this week. I've eaten terribly. I'm so stressed. And now i don't want to go to sunset yoga. 

 

Where do I start? Yesterday I ate two candy bars. TWO! Who does that? I also had a huge sandwich and chips for lunch, which isn't something I ever do. And then today I had friggin chicken strips and fries. Am I a six year old?! I'm for sure stress eating. And I want to stop, but am in the, "I don't care, I just want to survive" mode. I want something fast and easy and that will sustain me for the rest of the day. Although if I'm eating candy bars, why do I care if I'm full? Yeah, doesn't make sense.

 

First, I'm working on this project that should be so simple, but a higher up is c-blocking the whole thing. I don't konw why she's being this way, and it's more frustrating because she's supposed to be my friend. And normally is a helpful team player. So whatever's going on seem sbigger than me, and I can't take it anymore. As a nice twist of fate, she's the one I go to yoga with, but I just don't think I can stomach spending off-work time wiht her right now. I can't really sneak into the class without her seeing unless I come late, which I don't want to do. So I'm not sure what I'll do. 

 

When I get frustrated, I tend to shut down and bury my head in the sand. It's either that or I'll start screaming. So I'm not sure what I'm going to do. 

 

The zen is gone. 

[MasterOfCows]

You know who does that?  Everyone sometimes.  Don't be too hard on yourself.  Survive and then improve when life isn't trying to fuck you.

 

TheBuddy ate THREE ice cream drumsticks yesterday in a row and we were going OUT for dinner an hour later.  He also sometimes only eats chocolate bars all day while he's working (renovations) and then wonders why he's starving when he gets home.  Be grateful you're not that guy.  Love him, but seriously.   

 

Is there any way to diplomatically bring it up and find out what's going on?  Might be a good excuse to go to yoga to bring it up out of the work setting? I'm bad at social stuff though so maybe this is a bad idea.

 

[Morrigainz]

As long as Herbert can come.

 

[Strawberry Squatcake]

You know who does that?  Everyone sometimes.  Don't be too hard on yourself.  Survive and then improve when life isn't trying to fuck you.

 

TheBuddy ate THREE ice cream drumsticks yesterday in a row and we were going OUT for dinner an hour later.  He also sometimes only eats chocolate bars all day while he's working (renovations) and then wonders why he's starving when he gets home.  Be grateful you're not that guy.  Love him, but seriously.   

 

Is there any way to diplomatically bring it up and find out what's going on?  Might be a good excuse to go to yoga to bring it up out of the work setting? I'm bad at social stuff though so maybe this is a bad idea.

 

 

Haha. Three Drumsticks does sound pretty torturous. But one? Yeah, I'd for sure eat one. Even before dinner. No way that's filling me up. I get pretty miserable feeling if I eat a lot of sugar and no protein. Ask Latniss, Hermy and Blueberries. They sent me a chocolate covered Twinkie (via mail, because they kickass!). I ate that thing and felt so sick, it put an end to all the shit eating. Since then? All I've eaten is salads and chicken (I may or may not have bought two rotisserie chickens - one for work and one for home). It's like a new diet approach. Eat yourself sick, change your ways. Stress eater's rock bottom? Haha. 

 

I ended up avoiding her at yoga on Tuesday and Wednesday. Tuesday I was so emotionally exhausted, it was probably for the best I didn't go at all. Wednesday, the time snuck up on me, and I would have been late to class, soI didn't go. But I did go alone to a class last night I normally wouldn't have gone to, and I really enjoyed it. AND he said he's going to start teaching meditation for 5-8 minutes after his Tuesday class. So I actually think I was meant to miss Tues and Wed so I went to Thrusday and found out about that opportunity. He says he's going to spend time each week on a different style and approach to meditation. That's somethign I've always wanted to get more into. So I think it'll be a win.

 

She and I are speaking again, and are working professionally. She's pretty pissed at me, but did apologize for lashing out. I DIDN'T apologize as I still feel I was in the right. I know most people do, but all I'm tryign to do is help HER, and she somehow doesn't see how helping me help her is easier than fighting me. But whatevs. Keep yo' drama to yo'self!  

 

As long as Herbert can come.

 

 

Yes. We'll ride him off into the sunset. I call big spoon. Or whatever being the back passenger and not steering would be considered. It feels very big spoony!

 

 

 

 

Alright, if you read my reply to MoC above, I have made progress. Biggest progress was eating a chocolate covered Twinkie, feeling straight miserable for hours, then ending my crap food eatin' ways. At least for now. Been eating mostly chicken and veggies (with a little bit of dairy (cheese) thrown in - and depending on where I am, some not great dressing choices). But I feel much better than when I was eating fast food and candy and chocolate covered Twinkies. So, win. I told Latniss, Hermy and Blueberries this could be a diet revolution! (Of course if they tried to overdose me with cheese dip, I'd still be going strong. As I have no "too much" when it comes to salty foods.)

 

Went to yoga last night, it was pretty great. Going to try to hit a late Saturday AM class and a Sunday afternoon class. But taking tonight off. 

 

And the thing I'm most looking forward to?!?! MAKING MY FIRST SOURDOUGH! I'm going to do a long, slow-rise, which means I'll spend most of the weekend nursing a "sponge" then letting the dough rise. The more the dough ferments, allegedly the less gluten the end result has. Who knows if this is true. But I'm going to try it. I'll let my first sponge go from 5-8PM. Second from 11PM-whenever I get out of bed. Third for 3ish hours. (Each sponge gets additional flour added.) Then I'll make the dough and let that rise for ~24 hours. And finally a short rise once I've formed the muffins. 

 

My FAVORITE breakfast is PB English muffin toast with homemade blueberry jam plus 4 pieces of bacon. WIN! And beyond that, I can freeze the extras, which should make future breakfasts easy. Circle gets the square! 

 

Beyond that, I'm also looking forward to a low-key weekend. 

[Strawberry Squatcake]

Alright, seems like it's been forever since I've updated. Here's a reminder of my goals:

Mind: Media detox.
Body: Workout, sleep, eat well.
Spirit: Go to yoga. Be honest with myself and others. Find contentment.
Life: Buy a mattress.

 

Mind - I'm doing OK with this. It's not totally mindful since I don't watch much TV or listen to much radio. But I'm trying to be more careful about what TV shows/movies I watch on Netflix. And when I'm feeling down on myself, I HAVE been mindfully trying to find shows/movies that will improve my perspective. So I consider that a win. I haven't bought anything since this challenge started except I did buy some work clothes, which leads me to my new life quest I'm going to take on once I get that mattress bought (I know which one I want, I just have to order the dang thing!). I'll talk more about that in the life section. 

 

Body- Last week was a bit of a fail on the "workout 5X a week" part, but I SORT OF have a good excuse. First, I was exhausted after a weekend visiting my sister. There were seven adults and seven children six and under in one house. I didn't get a private room so I slept about 5 hours total the whole weekend (Friday-Sunday). So coming into Monday I was exhausted. There was some drama at work on Monday/Tuesday, and it caused conflict between me and the co-worker I normally go to yoga with. So I avoided yoga Tuesday and Wednesday. I did go to yoga Thursday. I intended to go to yoga Saturday or Sunday, but the weekend got ahead of me. So I got in ONE workout this week. Well, two if you count yard work, which I do since it's so dang hot and it always gets my heart rate up. Sleep's been just OK as well. Up and down. I'm still in the "I sleep really well if I'm exhausted, have trouble falling asleep if I'm not" cycle. So one good day leads to a bad day. And a bad day leads to a good day. Eating was horrible first of the week. Last part of the week and the weekend were really good. I had a little stress eating bout, but I think that's under control. 

 

Spirit - I had a lot of experience with the "be honest with myself" and "be honest but kind" with others. I tipped over into frustration and maybe wasn't as kind as I could have been. But I was aware of it. I actually did a LOT of the contentment stuff the past few weeks. I've been doing really well at being grateful for a challenge and thinking about what I hope to get out of it. This will also tie into my life goal, below.

 

Life - I just need to order the dang mattress!

 

New life goal - I need to start thinking a lot about my management skills. A few months ago we had a huge org chart shuffle and I almost got pushed down the org chart ANOTHER layer. I had a strong reaction to it without even realizing I cared that much. Frustration that I felt invisible and unappreciated. Frustration that I'd given up on a bigger job (which always felt like a failure). And frustration that I felt like I wasn't going anywhere, and while my job is always challenging, I felt like I could be doing a lot more. But the truth was I was scared. My boss asked me to be honest about what I wanted and why I didn't have it, and I admitted I wanted to move "up" but was scared to manage. He said he'd work on a good "transition" for me to get me some experience, build my confidence, etc. Well, I think that time's about to come. But it went from a "transition" to a much more challenging switch over. If it all pans out, it's going to be a HUGE responsibility. So looking in that direction I needed to do three things:

 

1. Renew my professional wardrobe. In my department I can wear jeans everyday. In the new position I could probably angle for the same thing, but feel others will take me more seriously if I look more professional. I spent $200 on nine items from Macy's this weekend. And another $40 at American Eagle. I found some stuff I can mix and match, and hopefully it'll all fit and make me feel confident. I am currently at the heaviest weight I've ever been. But feel a million times better than two years ago - no more food reactions, I'm able to do yoga and feel great after, I'm sleeping better (although still not great), and my attitude and perspective has improved a million-fold. I'm hoping if I keep sticking to good food choices and continue to slowly ramp up my workouts, the weight will come off. But I don't want to be one of those people who doesn't live in the interim. So less than $250 to hopefully feel confident at work was a great investment. 

 

2. Work on my management style. My problem is I have no style. Haha. The things I struggled with last time I managed:

 

• Micromanaging - I HATE being micromanaged. But since giving up that job, I've seen how many people NEED micromanaging. I need to come to terms with this and adapt. 
• Motivation - I never understood why people aren't motivated simply by doing their best like I am. I need to realize people need a carrot dangled in front of them. A clear path to success. And also the sight of a "stick" if they don't do well. (Going off "the carrot and the stick" mentality.)
• Initiative/Long Term and Big Picture Thinking - Probably about the same as motivation, but it is my pet peeve that most people don't go the extra mile. They don't think about how their decisions now impact the future. They make concessions in quality for the easy way out or for finishing the job. I am NOT like that. But most people are. I need to move my employees more toward the middle. And give them "the stick" of owning projects in the future that weren't done well the first time - to help them see why it's worth the time to do it right initially. Rather than re-doing it multiple times later. 
• Delegation - This is my biggest issue. You can see my issues above, well that results in me not delegating stuff, and not trusting others to do it. I have actually found over and over it IS easier to do it myself, and it DOES get done better. But with this new role, that simply won't be possible. I'll need to use micromanaging and motivation at first to help them see the bigger picture. And will hopefully be able to develop employees who are more independent, are empowered to spend the extra time doing the job right, and who will push back if it's not. I HATE delegating. Hate it.
• Just Say No - I also have a terrible time saying no when I see the importance of a project. I think many people (personally, professionally, etc.) are stretched way too thin. This is why people forget things, or half-ass it, or are scared of change. As a person who will be responsible for long-term success of projects, I need to start to establish realistic workloads for everyone, myself included. I see so much potential in so many places if we slow down, are patient enough to see a project all the way through, and are willing to let some important stuff wait in the interest of giving everything its due. Everyone wants to do and be and have everything. Right now. But I think what we often miss is simplifying is the path to success, productivity and happiness. Take the time to do it right. Be willing to say, "That's important, but we are already committed to these projects. So we'll add it to the list." And the truth is, if we want to do more, we need more people to do it right. Either the investment (in more workforce) is worth doing it faster. Or we are willing to accomplish things slower to stay on budget. 

 

That's it! I've been thinking a lot about the new challenges at work, and it's taking up a lot of head space. So putting them down will hopefully help me walk away from them for awhile! 

[Strawberry Squatcake]

Note: Those who know me IRL, the job stuff is still on the DL. Not that anyone would mention it publicly. And I'm not friends with co-workers, but I am friends with past co-workers. And by one or two degrees of separation. So, yeah.

 

Other side note: I have been babysitting a sourdough starter for the past two weeks. This weekend I made my first sourdough. I had one recipe with a generic "fat" ingredient. I made one set with lard, one with ghee. The ghee turned out far better. But after waiting overnight, I feel like the lard ones may have been over-raised and that was their issue. Both are good. The ghee ones have better texture and browned better. I might try to make the second set tonight since I'm worried all of the dough is getting TOO proofed and I don't want to lose it (there's a lot of expensive organic flour wrapped up in that noise!). But, I had toasted sourdough toast with peanut butter and cold bacon for breakfast. Life's good! 

 

I also made "spaghetti" last night with gluten free pasta I've had in my cabinet forever and felt guilty eating. Why? It meets my daily goal of no more than 50g of carbs per meal, by a decent shot. So I made it. I haven't had spaghetti (it's with spiral noodles) in forever. Yum! And I didn't feel like crap after eating it. Simple marinara sauce with ground beef. And some freshly grated parmesan on top. Also made a quick organic salad and some homemade dressing. I feel like I have a lot of food-related "life's good" lately.  

[Strawberry Squatcake]

So, it's been a busy week, but I've done a few things I've always wanted to do, and so far they've gone well.

 

First, I was in a meeting on Monday with all parties involved in an issue (and no parties NOT involved in an issue), so I brought up said issue. I even said, "We never usually discuss stuff like this in this format, but I feel like it might be a better solution. However, if it's not appropriate, tell me and I won't bring up stuff like this again..." Brought up the issue, there was some defensiveness, then a sort-of resolution. I think, at least, it took some of the pressure off of me and the other guy who are shouldering work of a third guy's employees. It seemed to be more productive than doing the, talk to my boss alone, he says he'll take care of it, then eh talks to the other guy alone, and I never hear much back on it (and dont' really see change). At least this way, despite change, I know the boss of the lesser-performers has to acknowledge there's an issue, even if he doesn't change the behavior. For some reason that's more satisfying. PLUS, I brought up the issue calmly and said, "I just want to find a better solution, because this isn't working." So, we'll see. But I'm still giving myself +1,000,000 for bringing up the issue at all. Normally I shoulder the work, get resentful, then get stressed out and ragey because I'm doing stuff no one else knows about.

 

Second, I delegated. You read that right, I delegated! And the guy was very receptive, and he even said, "I know your'e more of a perfectionist than me, so if anything I'm doing half-assed is making you crazy, tell me." So I gave him feedback on stuff, rather than going back and fixing it myself (my former passive aggressive method), and i think it's going well. Mind you, this is someone who WANTED more work and is trying to get promoted out of his current role. But, the fact that I was able to let stuff go is progress for me, regardless of what he does. 

 

I'm going to yoga twice tonight. An instructor is offering a 5-8 minute class after his 5:30 class for meditation techniques. And I'm intrigued enough I'm going to go to the 5:30 class just to do the meditation stuff. Then I'll go home for a bit, then head to sunset yoga. 

 

Also, I get to see Barenaked Ladies tomorrow! WOOP! I'm so excited. I've been to very few concerts in my life, they're not really my thing, and my two favorites were super casual affairs at the zoo (Sister Hazel and Better Than Ezra). I went to a Summerland concert that was pretty cool because there were several bands, but the venue was just OK. I expect this one to be on the slightly better than just OK venue (nothing compares to outdoors and cheap beers), but hopefully a fun concert! This means no yoga tomorrow. But that's OK. I also can't hit a Thursday class, so I might try to get in that Sunday afternoon class.

 

I think that's all!

 

Oh, the last three days my calories have been under 1800. I don't feel like I'm starving, but I'm also not losing weight. My guess is I'm burning less calories doing yoga and am STILL eating at maintenance. But maintenance is better than a slow gain, so I'm trying ot stay focused on that (and on still not starving myself or running myself back into the ground). I'm going to need all the energy I can get for work over the next extended period. 

[MasterOfCows]

I loved Sister Hazel.  I wonder what happened to those guys?

 

Good job bringing up the issue - it's always scary.  And delegating!

 

Have fun tomorrow!