Is fitness superficial?

[TennisGeek]

My significant other and I have a very different views on fitness.

 

I've learned and think that the fitness is fundamental to well being.

I changed diet, incorporated body weight training.

As a result, I lost a lot of weight and gained some strength.

My body looks pretty good for an old guy.

 

When I suggest/ask her to exercise and eat for better body, she says "it's superficial. You are only caring your look".

She is not overweight, but she is kind of weak from my point of view. She is content with her body.

When I asked to use my Omron fat monitor, her body fat % is about 32%.

 

I guess the fitness level is a personal choice.

I play a lot of tennis, so leaner and stronger body really helps me.

 

She doesn't do a lot of sports. If you are happy with the way you are, you don't need to improve your body?

 

[blkhole24601]

Kudos to her if she's happy with her body! That's better than most people. Seriously in awe of her for that.

 

That said, that's not the best way of looking at fitness if she thinks it's superficial -- sure, a LOT of people get into it to look better, but the ones who stick with it are also concerned with being healthier and wanting to take care of their body and themselves. I mean, yes, I want to look great, and I'd be lying if I was saying that it's not one of my motivations for doing this, but I also want to feel good, too, and not just about my body, but about myself in general.

 

Fitness isn't superficial; it's about being healthy, and healthy looks different for everyone. And there's more to exercise than sports and going to the gym, too! But ymmv, etc.

 

EDIT: BUT if your concern is to get HER to exercise... I agree with the other commenters below -- she's happy with her body, and if she thinks that fitness is a superficial thing (like I thought your topic was more about), convincing her she ought to exercise will do more harm than good. 

[JPrev]

If she's not harmfully unfit (very obese) and is happy, then I'd say leave it be.  Beyond a basic level of health, I think fitness becomes very subjective.  Not worth giving somebody a complex.

 

Particularly not your SO.

[dancezwithkittehz]

I would agree with JPrev that you are approaching this from the wrong angle. It doesn't matter how you feel about fitness and exercising, if those things aren't important to her that is her choice. You can't make someone else change what is important to them; if she's going to decide some day to get into working out and physical fitness she's going to need to come to that choice on her own.

[Elastigirl]

Well if she is older, then not doing some sort of activity is going to start hampering her normal mobility. If most of what you do is sit, then it gets harder to do stuff like sit on the floor and get up. Also you lose muscle as you age. Before I started NF, it was getting hard for me to carry groceries Unless you do something to build muscle, you will lose it. And if you lose muscle, your bones may also  get weaker, upping your risk for osteoporosis. 

[JPrev]

Well if she is older, then not doing some sort of activity is going to start hampering her normal mobility. If most of what you do is sit, then it gets harder to do stuff like sit on the floor and get up. Also you lose muscle as you age. Before I started NF, it was getting hard for me to carry groceries Unless you do something to build muscle, you will lose it. And if you lose muscle, your bones may also  get weaker, upping your risk for osteoporosis. 

 

For sure, there are tons of benefits to exercise that aren't superficial.  They're not even all physical: there are cognitive benefits that can keep elderly brains working like they did in their 20s.  I think the key is to look at fitness from a performance / maintenance view, rather than making it about self-image.  The problem is differentiating between the two can be a minefield, with well-meaning fit people getting carried away and accidentally handing out guilt complexes.

[TennisGeek]

Well if she is older, then not doing some sort of activity is going to start hampering her normal mobility. If most of what you do is sit, then it gets harder to do stuff like sit on the floor and get up. Also you lose muscle as you age. Before I started NF, it was getting hard for me to carry groceries Unless you do something to build muscle, you will lose it. And if you lose muscle, your bones may also  get weaker, upping your risk for osteoporosis. 

 

She is indeed much older (60+) than me. I understand it's hard to start at that age.

But I think it's really important to strengthen now before falling apart.

[ChristArtist]

She is indeed much older (60+) than me. I understand it's hard to start at that age.

But I think it's really important to strengthen now before falling apart.

 

Can you appeal to her on behalf of her health - bones - muscle - etc.?

not losing weight - not on her looks, but on her health.

She's not much older than me, and I know that it is becoming difficult for me to move if I haven't moved!

And at MY age, things break - tear - and just get strained way too easy if I don't do something.

What they say - something in motion is easier to keep in motion!

 

you may not be coming across to her as caring for her health - and more about her appearance, and, any aging woman would find that offensive! 

;-)

[Meteoric]

There are certainly elements of fitness that are superficial, mostly to do with body composition. Meanwhile bone density, energy level, mobility, injury prevention, sleep quality, sexual performance, and the fixing of general aches and pains, among other things, are difficult to construe as superficial benefits.

[MalleusMaleficarum]

Fitness is what you make of it.

 

If you want to be superficial about it, there's a whole subculture of fitness called "bodybuilding" centered around vanity.

 

On the other end of things is pretty much pure athletic training, which is what I do. I'm sure I'm not the only one here who trains almost exclusively for performance.

 

Your significant other seems to have pigeonholed all fitness into her least favorite category of fitness (bodybuilding), which is why I can tell without any further information that she basically doesn't know anything and her little opinion is unqualified and completely invalid.

 

You should tell her as much.

[Tanuki]

She is content. Leave her alone. Don't be 'that guy', nagging her because you have your own views on her weight and fitness level. That's the quickest way to end up with no girlfriend. If she wakes up one morning feeling the need to take up fitness - and at over 60, don't be surprised if that's never! I can't imagine any of my relatives of that age so much as changing to a different soap opera - then she will.

 

 

 

Your significant other seems to have pigeonholed all fitness into her least favorite category of fitness (bodybuilding), which is why I can tell without any further information that she basically doesn't know anything and her little opinion is unqualified and completely invalid.

 

See, you don't want to be this guy.

[Vian]

It all depends on motivation. Those people who get all ripped and then dehydrate themselves and cover themselves with tanning oil and wear speedos/bikinis and flex their muscles on stage infront of judges, those people are superficial. They train in such a way that their muscles get bigger, but not actually that strong compared to size. 

 

To me fitness is about training my body to be prepared for whatever life throws at me, and to be able to do whatever activities I want to do. I don't want to be someone who relies on others to help me lift something heavy. I love that I can take a 40lb bag of dog food and throw it over my shoulder and carry it to my car without a cart. I don't want to be like my coworker who has to ask someone else to lift the kitchenaid mixer onto the counter so she can use it (I can lift it one-handed). 

 

That said, nothing you say is going to make your girlfriend suddenly want to work out with you. It has to be her decision. You can encourage her, share information about how exercise helps with osteoperosis and other health benefits, but ultimately if she doesn't decide that it's something SHE wants to do, nothing you say will magically make her change her mind.

[Kaylya]

Exercising regularly is one of the single best things you can do for your health (eating your veggies is probably the other one). Cardio exercise has a wide range of benefits at preventing various health problems, and resistance exercise helps preserve muscle mass as you age - and that translates into being able to do the things that you need to do to live independently for longer. That is absolutely not superficial.

 

Now, I can absolutely see how she would view exercising to lose weight (or body fat %) as superficial. So probably don't emphasize that.

 

This doesn't have to be some crazy routine. But going for a walk several days per week, doing something to maintain your strength, and doing something to maintain your flexibility, are all ways to ensure that she can still live independently 10 or 20 years from now. Because if the hardest lower body exercise routine she does today is carry a load of laundry up the stairs, then maybe in 10 years she'll have lost the strength to do that. But if she starts doing some yoga or body weight exercises now, she'll slow down that loss of strength considerably, and maybe build up her baseline a bit.

[sylph]

It all depends on motivation. Those people who get all ripped and then dehydrate themselves and cover themselves with tanning oil and wear speedos/bikinis and flex their muscles on stage infront of judges, those people are superficial. They train in such a way that their muscles get bigger, but not actually that strong compared to size. 

This is pretty insulting to those that bodybuild, FYI.

[Tanuki]

Yes, when did fitness become so bitchy? People who don't want to get fit have "irrelevant little opinions" and 'mere' bodybuilders are superficial? Is this a fitness community or Mean Girls?

[redimagination]

First of all: if she doesn't want to exercise then let her be. She is happy with her body. Something a lot of women aren't. Don't try and ruin that!

 

Second of all. If the only result of exercise was looking good then perhaps. But there are many health benefits that everyone enjoys regardless of their intention. People who want to look good may also want to improve their fitness at the same time. Or they may switch from wanting to look good to wanting to be better. As a whole it definitely isn't superficial.

[TennisGeek]

The replies are making me think hard about my situation.

It's clear that the motivation never comes from nagging or pushing.

I think the real question for her is not the reason she rejects the exercise but why we don't agree on the health level of her body.

She is slowing down from my point of view and I am pushing myself to get stronger.

Our activity/fitness level gap is growing as I am improving which frustrates me yet she thinks my effort as mid life crisis superficial reason.

Thanks for the replies. Appreciated.

[Vian]

This is pretty insulting to those that bodybuild, FYI.

 

That's my opinion. I think the people in those bodybuilding competitions use unhealthy practices to look the way they want (getting down to unsustainable, unhealthy body fat percentages, dehydrating themselves dangerously before competitions, some of them I'm sure use steroids and testosterone) for a result that is frankly pretty disgusting looking. I think it's really gross to be able to see the striations in someone's muscles through their skin. I'm all for weightlifting and getting strong, I just think those bodybuilding competitions aren't really any different than beauty pageants.

[TennisGeek]

There's your problem, right there: Pronoun Trouble

 

See you have a First Person Plural and a Third Person Singular

 

 

 

 

 

You think that's the ONLY gap that's growing? WOW!!! You are totally missing something, aren't you???

 

We'll be empty nesters coming fall, and first time in long time we'll have a bit of free time.

Her heath level is a concern to me. I don't think I can sit and watch TV with her all day.

Even a walk together is sometimes problematic due to her conditions.

 

She claims that she'll go back to gym once my kid goes to college.

I gave her a year membership for last xmas at near-by gym because she said she'd go.

She hasn't been there for 3, 4 months. I'd like her to do anything that uses her body.

I don't know how to motivate her. Hence the conversation.

[Elastigirl]

Maybe it's just that the gym doesn't interest her. Is there something else that might? Can you discuss it it terms of that you want to be able to do things with her, go on walks, travel, maybe play tennis together.  I told my husband that I really dreaded us being the old retired people who had nothing to do but sit around and watch TV. We started to do active stuff together like walking, and geocaching

 

Maybe just talk about what she might be interested in-dancing-geocaching-tennis, hiking- kayaking-yoga Is there any active thing she might like to do with you

[Phytomancer]

Maybe it's just that the gym doesn't interest her. Is there something else that might? Can you discuss it it terms of that you want to be able to do things with her, go on walks, travel, maybe play tennis together.  I told my husband that I really dreaded us being the old retired people who had nothing to do but sit around and watch TV. We started to do active stuff together like walking, and geocaching

 

Maybe just talk about what she might be interested in-dancing-geocaching-tennis, hiking- kayaking-yoga Is there any active thing she might like to do with you

This.

 

I think if it's something to do with you and it's fun. Dancing, hiking, or even swimming together can help. 

[Jedrik Serpenthelm]

I think the people in those bodybuilding competitions use unhealthy practices...for a result that is frankly pretty disgusting looking. I think it's really gross...

 

I like this site because people can engage in a lot of different activities without copping an attitude about it. I'm not sure if you have any idea how much bitching takes place on other fitness boards? Seriously there are: feuds over highbar vs lowbar squats, the barpath in olympic lifts, and running boards that would lead you to believe that all runners are the meanest and most bitter people in the world. Heck, the couch thread is up to 1,364 pages.

 

Edit:

 

It's not my intent to be mean to you, I've spent a lot of time on different boards over the past few years where sectarian feuds are common. It really doesn't matter to me if someone is a powerlifter, olympic lifter, crossfitter, or bodybuilder I respect the dedication and effort it takes for people to reach their physical goals.

[Hit]

 

 

Yes, when did fitness become so bitchy? People who don't want to get fit have "irrelevant little opinions" and 'mere' bodybuilders are superficial? Is this a fitness community or Mean Girls?

can we be friends?

[Silo]

I am hesitating even wading in here but in the interest of just wanting to know...isn't bodybuilding about the appearance of the body, rather than strength levels? I'm not saying that bodybuilders cannot be interested in being strong or very fit but the sport of bodybuilding itself is about appearance, isn't it? And then weightlifting (powerlifting? I don't really know the terms, obviously.) would be about sheer strength? I think of them like AKC greyhounds versus NGA greyhounds. AKC greys are bred for looks while NGA greys are bred for performance. It doesn't mean that AKC pups can't run fast, it's just that it isn't their (owners') main focus.

[Jedrik Serpenthelm]

I am hesitating even wading in here but in the interest of just wanting to know...isn't bodybuilding about the appearance of the body, rather than strength levels? I'm not saying that bodybuilders cannot be interested in being strong or very fit but the sport of bodybuilding itself is about appearance, isn't it? And then weightlifting (powerlifting? I don't really know the terms, obviously.) would be about sheer strength? I think of them like AKC greyhounds versus NGA greyhounds. AKC greys are bred for looks while NGA greys are bred for performance. It doesn't mean that AKC pups can't run fast, it's just that it isn't their (owners') main focus.

 

Bodybuilding is about appearance. Powerlifting is about the big three: Bench, Deadlift, Squat. Olympic weightlifting is all about the snatch and clean and jerk. If I had to compare powerlifting and olympic lifting I'd say that powerlifting is about grinding out a slow rep and olympic lifting is a quicklift.

 

If you've spent some time on strength boards you know that there is a tendency to attribute moral qualities to whatever a person looks like or what their barbell sport is and it gets downright nasty. It has become fashionable in the past few years to bash other barbell sports. Generally, the argument goes powerlifter: bodybuilders are weak and vain, strength is better; Bodybuilder: Powerlifters are fat and disgusting, appearance is better; Crossfitter: I have functional strength, crossfit is better; Powerlifter and Bodybuilder to Crossfitter: you don't have strength or size, you suck.