Tundralily Finds the harmony within

[tundralily]

The Beginning

Tundralily finds herself lost alone in the woods, far from home and the people that she cares about. Many things brought her to this point where all her hope is lost and the darkness threatens to consume her from the inside out. For an unknown amount of time, she has been wondering in a daze through the woods without an idea of where she is or where to go next.

After wandering through the trees for many weeks, she reaches a point where she can no longer hold the darkness within at bay and collapses near a lake. Her heart, filled with despair, homesickness, and pain, threatens to break out of her chest. Sobbing, she curls up in the roots of a nearby tree, ready to give up on ever finding a way home. Then she hears a voice nearby, clam and steady. You are loved little one. Don't give up. You will find a way home again.

Startled, she looks around for the source of this mysterious voice. Nothing appears to be nearby. Again, she hears the warm and quiet voice. "Get up little one. It's time to fight your way back and fight for your life. This will not be an easy path, and it will be filled with challenges. But you will find your way home once more. My gift to you, is hope. You must find and develop virtues on your way for your journey to be successful. The first of which, is hope. Let these qualities plant themselves in your soul and grow to build you a home within your soul, so that you may be safe and loved wherever you may go".

Main quest

My journey begins here, far from home and my safe spaces. For now, I will focus on building a home within my heart and soul and continue recovering from depression, PTSD, anxiety, and trauma (aka the darkness within).

Building strength, calm, harmony, and restoration of my heart, body, soul, and mind.

I will face each day with an open heart, be adventurous in all the ways that piqued my curiosity, have specific long-term goals, and practice kindness and compassion towards myself. I will meet myself where I am with love, compassion, and without judgement. I will celebrate the smallest of successes and be gentle with myself if I fail, focusing instead on learning what works for me. I will respect the limitations of my mind, body, heart and soul, and find the edges where I can growth from.

Challenge Quest: Finding harmony within

Quest 1: Relax from the pain

I will score myself on completing self a management and care activities from a list of things I enjoy (in progress). Each activity will be worth 1 point, and can be completed in any combination depending on my emotional and mental needs for the day. Goal: 40 points

Quest 2: Calm physical, emotional and mental self

On the advice of my medical professionals, I will work on breathing at rest for 10mins daily (5 mins x2) through meditation, progressive muscle relaxation, or stretching. I am going to experiment with different approaches and see what I like and works for me.

Quest 3: Harmony with body and mind by moving my body in enjoyable ways

I will complete 30mins of moderate to intense physical activity 3 times weekly, experimenting with what works for me and that I enjoy. Possibilities include yoga, running, strength training, walking, swimming, paddling etc. The point of this goal is to build a habit of moving my body in ways I enjoy, and then create physical based goals with future challenges.

Life quest: I'm on medical leave from work and headed home for a couple weeks to figure out what's next. By the end of my trip, I would like to have written plan of what I want to achieve over the next 6 months, 1 -3 years, and an action plan if we decide to move home in the spring. This will include specific goals and a plan of how we will get there.

I will work on the grading later, but that's pretty much it for now! I'm keeping it simple and focused so I don't burnout and get a flare up. Diet and a more structured fitness plan will be tackled in future challenges. Looking forward to adventuring with all of you!

[FacePunsch]

Just reading your post had its own calming feeling.

 

With how well thought-out you have your quests, I feel like you should have no problem meeting your goals.

[Chris-Tien Jinn]

Congratulations on taking the first steps to come back!!!

 

I love the goal of finding ENJOYABLE activity.  Too many people make movement another form of work.  But it is what we were BORN to do, and we therefore should relish finding out what our bodies can do. 

[War Gorila]

I would like to see your development here. it'd be motivational

[MogiShade]

Sub'd, and I wish you the best!

[ChristArtist]

Welcome Tundralily.

 

Your story touches my heart intensely.

I, too, suffer from depression, PTSD, anxiety and other things, and that culminated in self destructive behaviors - including not taking care of myself in the most basic manners. I couldn't even believe I was worth working out and eating right.  the darkness is deep

I want to offer you my hand of help - because I do know that dark place.

And many here do too, whether they will openly admit it like you, or not.

There is a safe place here...I hope you can find a form of security to express yourselves.

 

I have created an accountabilibuddies group for Level 1s to support each other for the next 6 weeks.  If you are interested in Storming the Castle - please come join me!

 

If you’d like to talk to me,  you can either check out my current challenge  Prep for Camp NF, or pm me on the board.  

 

For more information, head on over to the Adventurer’s Tavern where you’ll find lots of great ideas and inspiration.

If you have any questions on how to use the forums, check out this tutorial.

 

 

I’ll be following your thread here as well so I'll see you around!

[tundralily]

Thanks for all the well wishes! It's been a rough year for sure, but this community has been nothing but safe and wonderful so far. I'm grateful for the opportunity to support you all in your challenges.

Welcome Tundralily.

 

Your story touches my heart intensely.

I, too, suffer from depression, PTSD, anxiety and other things, and that culminated in self destructive behaviors - including not taking care of myself in the most basic manners. I couldn't even believe I was worth working out and eating right.  the darkness is deep

I want to offer you my hand of help - because I do know that dark place.

And many here do too, whether they will openly admit it like you, or not.

There is a safe place here...I hope you can find a form of security to express yourselves.

 

I have created an accountabilibuddies group for Level 1s to support each other for the next 6 weeks.  If you are interested in Storming the Castle - please come join me!

 

If you’d like to talk to me,  you can either check out my current challenge  Prep for Camp NF, or pm me on the board.  

 

For more information, head on over to the Adventurer’s Tavern where you’ll find lots of great ideas and inspiration.

If you have any questions on how to use the forums, check out this tutorial.

 

 

I’ll be following your thread here as well so I'll see you around!

. Thanks Christartist, that means a lot. I popped over and joined your level one group, sounds like fun! Princess bride is my favourite movie

[ChristArtist]

Hi TundraLily,

Just stopping by to see how you are doing...and I hope that you are finding these first days exhilarating!

And if not...no worries...starting new things tweaks all sorts of things in us...

 

you can always PM me....just go up to the top of the page, click on the envelope, and type in my name - I'll get back to you as soon as I can!

 

Have a great week!

 

BTW - I love what you've done with your stats!  so festive and bright! ;-)

[tundralily]

Hi TundraLily,

Just stopping by to see how you are doing...and I hope that you are finding these first days exhilarating!

And if not...no worries...starting new things tweaks all sorts of things in us...

 

you can always PM me....just go up to the top of the page, click on the envelope, and type in my name - I'll get back to you as soon as I can!

 

Have a great week!

 

BTW - I love what you've done with your stats!  so festive and bright! ;-)

Thanks for the encouragement! The first couple days have been busy but awesome. I'm at home visiting family and friends for a couple weeks, and am finding it challenging to not feel pulled all over the place and province. 

 

I've been focusing on mediating this week, and am loving it so far. Today I did 15 mins of a compassion mediation and then did 20 mins of yoga. I'm finding that I'm really liking yoga, and signed up for a yoga workshop on the 24th when I get back to BC. Looking forward to that! 

 

I'm going to be AWOL on a canoe trip for 10 days, so I likely won't be super active in posting until things settle towards the end of the month. 

[MogiShade]

 

I'm going to be AWOL on a canoe trip for 10 days, so I likely won't be super active in posting until things settle towards the end of the month. 

 

Where to?

[tundralily]

Where to?

Northern Alqonquin park! Access point one starting in Northern tea lake and going out from there. We're headed out on Friday and doing the hunt for camping gear today. I'm currently on a mission to find our stove and fuel, they seem to have taken a walk from the last place I put them

[MogiShade]

Nice!  These cool nights have been great for the biting bugs and the fire flies are still active.  At least out my way. 

 

That's annoying, about your stove.  I always keep my gear packed and ready as part of my bug out plan.  'Cause, you know, zombies. 

[tundralily]

Nice!  These cool nights have been great for the biting bugs and the fire flies are still active.  At least out my way. 

 

That's annoying, about your stove.  I always keep my gear packed and ready as part of my bug out plan.  'Cause, you know, zombies. 

I'm really looking forward to disappearing into the bush for awhile. Its been ages since I was out for this long. 

 

I did end up finding my stove. Clearly I need to be better prepared for zombies and make that apart of my next challenge. I do have a bug out bag for incase of forest fire but not so much for anything else. How do you store your bug out kit? 

[MogiShade]

I'm really looking forward to disappearing into the bush for awhile. Its been ages since I was out for this long. 

 

I did end up finding my stove. Clearly I need to be better prepared for zombies and make that apart of my next challenge. I do have a bug out bag for incase of forest fire but not so much for anything else. How do you store your bug out kit? 

 

I put everything into my MEC Ibex bag and leave it hanging on the back of my bedroom door.  I must admit though that I do keep my fuel canisters in the garage.  I worry too much about a surprise leak.  Also my sleeping pad I keep separate too, in the bedroom closet, as I don't always take it.  I have been thinking to switching to a down sleeping bag, and I am told those cannot be stored packed. 

 

Are you traveling for all 10 days, or are you setting up a base camp and day tripping out from there?

[yes&]

Good luck with your journey! I hope you find the calm you're looking for.

[ChristArtist]

Well my dear Tundralily,

I am supposing that you are already out on your wonderful trip...and I am so jealous!

 

But, I'm going to put this here anyway - 

Look out for those Albinos - they are only trying to get you into their tree!

 

 

And, you have done wonderfully fulfilling your goals this week - and this 10 day trip will be an awesome awakening for your soul.  AT least, it would be for me!

 

See you when you get back!

 

[Lazulie]

I read your post and now I have tears in my eyes.

I know the bad feelings and sadness.It is hard to find harmony.

I meditate every day too. It helps me to come down and get a feeling for myself.

But I will be a path of trial and tribulation.

I wish you the best for your way and will follow your process.

If you like, you can write me a DM.

Greetings

Lazulie

[ChristArtist]

Hi darling...I know you are canoeing along in the wonderful waters...and I'm looking foward to your return, but as a storming the castle trooper, here's a gif to smile at when you get back!

 

[Zombie]

This was beautiful to read.

I just want to give you the biggest hug.

Have a wonderful time away, I wish you a great few weeks!

[ChristArtist]

And - again - I'm posting, knowing that you are canoeing....but, here's a start for a positivity wall if you need one!

 

 

I believe in you!

[tundralily]

Thanks CA

Hi darling...I know you are canoeing along in the wonderful waters...and I'm looking foward to your return, but as a storming the castle trooper, here's a gif to smile at when you get back!

 

Thanks for all the encouragement CA, it means a lot to know that you were posting here while I was away! I'm in the middle of a chronic fatigue/pain flare-up and have been moving a lot slower than normal lately. Coming back from the woods was a tough transition for me and caused a drop in my mood. Knowing that you are here cheering me on has been a godsend and I'm full of gratitude for the wonderful group you are leading. 

[tundralily]

Week 1-3 Update! 

 

I've been enjoying this challenge so much! I'm finding that I have moments where I can center myself and find my calm. I have really enjoyed developing a meditation practice, and have been practicing breathing at rest. 

 

My wins

 

Guys, I'm so proud of myself. I got up early this morning because I couldn't sleep and went for a run (Week 1, Workout 2 of C25k). I loved being up extra early this morning! 

 

I'm tweaking my life goal to include tracking my mood everyday, which has come up as a higher priority. I'm still working on a life plan but I realized that it was too big and vague as a side quest for this challenge. Rest assured, it will be a major part of my next challenge!

 

Things to work on 

 

Food and me have not been friends this week. I'm at my parents place and facing some stress and finding myself emotionally eating, especially today. Tomorrow is new day and I'll be doing a mini challenge for myself not to eat any dairy tomorrow and see how I feel. Should be good!

 

Given my lack of Internets over the past 2 weeks, I've been epic failing at tracking my progress. I can extrapolate for the first two weeks, but I'm just finishing up a super SHINY spreadsheet for tracking the rest of my challenge. I'm post an update on how things are going so far when I have more energy tomorrow 

 

The hard things 

 

I'm home on stress leave until next Monday then I have to go back to BC. I can't tell you how hard this is and will be for me. I'm currently soaking up all the calm, love and harmony I can from my family in my safe spaces and with my people. Oh how I have missed feeling alive, laughing with my family, and feeling safe with people who care about me. The past year has been a whole mess of crazy things and I've been struggling so hard. And am so tired.

 

Its been a long and hard decision, but I made the decision earlier this week to go back to BC and finish up medical treatment with my current medical team, find a new job at home before moving, and basically close up our lives out there. Its logical right? My mind accepts that this is the best decision for the long term and is based on logic. But my heart? It doesn't want to leave again. The thought of going back and being alone again makes me physical ache. I don't want to go back. I don't know how I will make myself step on that plane on Tuesday and leave home again. One foot in front of the other maybe? 

 

Emotionally, I'm anxious about going back to a workplace that really isn't healthy for me, overwhelmed, and heartbroken. Its been such a hard year, with one thing after another to the point where I was to the point where I wasn't functioning anymore. With the creator's grace, lots of love, and compassion I'm no longer in a super dark place and have learned skills to be able to get through this. I can do this. The process may not be very pleasant, but I will come out the other side and be stronger for it. 

 

This weekend I'm focusing on being super gentle with myself, being present and mindful of my emotions as they come, accepting things as they are, and telling my family how much I love them with the precious time we have together. I'm so blessed to have such an amazing biological and chosen family and group of friends. On that note, 5 things I'm grateful for right now: 

 

1) The land and the other than human beings who remind me of my responsibility to care for myself, other beings, and creation 

2) My people. I love them so much. 

3) Good coffee! I had an amazing cup of coffee today when I was feeling down and it felt so good. 

4) Firefly 

5) Sunsets over the river 

[ChristArtist]

Wow - I was expecting bunnies and kitties and pretty things....I'll make sure that happens! sorry!

Anyway - 

 

Hi sweetheart - 

I'm putting this here because I believe you deserve it:

 

You are battling many personal reasons and issues - and still you choose to post and participate - inspire and encourage.

Sunday marks the end of week three - and that means that by being here, and participating - you LEVEL UP!  YOU WILL BE A LEVEL ONE!

This does not mean that you have to have been perfect in your challenge.  The first Leveling up is because you have chosen to change your life, and you are continuing here to try and do that.  So, with this, comes 10 shiny new attribute stats.  I wrote about what to do with them here: http://rebellion.nerdfitness.com/index.php?/topic/51278-level-1s-storm-the-castle-with-christartist/?p=1131272

 

 

You have made it this far!  You HAVE changed your life...and, I suggest that you consider giving yourself some charisma points for your support of the other team members!

 

hugs!

[Teros]

Emotionally, I'm anxious about going back to a workplace that really isn't healthy for me, overwhelmed, and heartbroken. Its been such a hard year, with one thing after another to the point where I was to the point where I wasn't functioning anymore. With the creator's grace, lots of love, and compassion I'm no longer in a super dark place and have learned skills to be able to get through this. I can do this. The process may not be very pleasant, but I will come out the other side and be stronger for it.

I think the very end is what matters most.  You'll be stronger for it.  There's tons of challenges; and every single one that you face makes you better and better.

 

Enjoy a complimentary puff ball

[T2sarahconnor]

Thought I would post you a song! This is a Sam Cook classic but I loved the way this guy sang it on "the voice"

http://youtu.be/dY47CldFjro