Spazzing With Razzy

[Razzy]

So, I've been doing NF stuff since February 22nd. Never made a log here because I figured no one would be interested in my truly pathetic struggles, fears, doubts, and constant self loathing. But I hear these things can make a difference so I figured what the fudgepops, why not give it a go? Maybe someone will find some passing interest in my beleaguered, misguided, laughable, and pathetic attempts in turning myself into a fitspo tumblr image.

 

Expect:

 

• Fairly regular workout updates.
• Fairly regular workout updates accompanied by something snarky and sassy, because that is how the Razzy do.
• Hysterical-laugh-inducing revelations such as, "do not drop the canoe on your toes when you see a spider near your hand. Drop it on the spider."
• Crushing depressive episodes which I will attempt to alleviate with funny pictures and YouTube videos.
• Pictures.
• Pictures of me.
• Pictures of me with all my clothes on.
• Wildly entertaining attempts of semi-successful heists of exercise equipment, because I am poor and cannot drive to a gym.
• Awesome songs that I will randomly post, because they make me want to lift heavy things.
• Lots of newbie questions which I expect everyone to read and summarily ignore until such time as I've found an answer, then everyone will weigh in all at once.

So, there you have it. Hopefully you've gotten a sense of my humor, and didn't feel the overpowering need to set fires while doing so.

 

Some fast facts about the Razzy:

 

 

1. Female
2. Age: 23
3. Height: 5' 4" (any short jokes will be responded to with a tactical snark nuke.)
4. Weight: 119lb as of last week (Yes, rarely a skinny person shows up wanting to take a level in Badass and not Matchstick.)
5. Fears: Spiders (it's a phobia, okay?), zombies, ending up with crippling back pain when I'm older.
6. Likes: chocolate, cats, chocolate cats, writing, Dungeons & Dragons, fantasy/scifi genres in anything.
7. I'm unfortunately limited to bodyweight exercises only.
8. I live in Michigan. Weep for me.
9. I live off a Michigan dirt road in the country. Pray for me.

 

Goals:

These are many and layered, because I pretty much embarked on this for every motivating reason in the book. Not in any particular order:

 

 

• Get insanely strong so I can do things. (Pinning the boyfriend down is a good measure of strength I should think. Next step will be recreational llama-tossing.)
• Flat stomach. (There's also a sadistic reason for this: I want to be able to show my future kids pictures of myself and say "That was me." Then cackle evilly at their dawning horror.)
• Make health a habit. (Important to me: Too much of my family is in poor health and it's put a true terror in me that I'll end up the same.)
• Get insanely healthy and spit on the need for meds until I'm 70, because I've seen how that road just ruins your quality of life.
• Lead by example and get my friends to GET HEALTHY!
• Master at least 2 martial arts. Then use these to play Pin the Boyfriend.
• Look great and strut with confidence. (And to justify any kind of waxing. Seriously.)
• Have more energy.
• Be able to break the smugness and the faces of all those nasty cheerleader bitches that ever dared to pick on this nerd in high school.

And so there you have it. My name is Razzy the Spazzy. Conjure by it at your own risk. When you need a laugh, when there isn't much to do and you're bored, when you need to know there IS someone out there doing far worse than you, you know where to look for entertainment. I'm on the forums.

[starsapart]

You are awesome and will only be more awesome.  So there. 

[Razzy]

And so, what is it that I DO?

 

Well I'll tell ya! I've mastered the BBWW (beginner's bodyweight workout). To the point where I've started throwing my own things in.

 

Every other day or so, (barring working at craft shows where I must be on my aching feet days in a row) I jump the following hoops:

 

• 60 squats
• 60 lunges
• 30 push-ups
• 90 dumbell rows (Having no money and no dumbells, I use my all my Magic: The Gathering cards in a tote pack. They weigh about 15lbs. #NERDCRED)
• 30 mountain-climbers
• 90 jumping jacks
• 3 30-second planks

 

Since starting on February 22nd, I have indeed seen a large improvement. I'm stronger and leaner and I lost something like 18 pounds. But still.... not good enough. I've also embraced Paleo as much as I can.

 

Now I'm going to go eat some cheese for I am le hungry and had a very small dinner.

[Razzy]

THIS POST SHOULD NOT BE HERE. DOUBLE-POSTS ARE INEXCUSABLE and the system did it

 

thank you starsapart! One day, I wish to join the Assassin's guild and rock parkour with the best.

 

One day......

 

*sigh*

 

I will stop taking crack and indulging in pipe dreams.

[Razzy]

So, due to the wonderful advice of Mel-Issa, starsapart and Teneris, I've decided to set a challenge, of sorts. Building block 1, now that I'm at a somewhat presentable level of capability, I can do things now!

 

So here goes: Challenge One.

 

Get back to 10 push-ups a circuit.

 

See, on July 4th, I went canoeing with the boyfriend. And in that process, I really screwed up my right shoulder good. It has taken until now, the 26th, for it to fully recover to the point where i'm comfortable using it again. But until then, I had to lay off all upper body exercises that involve the arms or shoulders. (I'll never live it down if I went through life lopsided like that guy from Lady in the Water.) And my strength withered shockingly fast. 10 push-ups are incredibly difficult for me to do for some reason, and I can barely get them done. It seems like horribly slow progress to me so, thanks to MacAttack and Teneris, I shall also do this:

 

Do push-ups at an angle.

 

Perhaps, if luck is with me, this will boost my upper body strength faster. It's too darn slow for me and I want to get stronger faster. So I can do those really insane body-burning, fat melting things like pull ups! (Not fire, pull-ups. Fire makes me tan too much.)

 

And finally, because I found myself drifting and counting into the 30's on my squats and lunges today:

 

Ramp up the difficulty on some moves.

 

In true bodyweight exercise fashion! The hill is always going up. And a the top.... there shall be a llama.

[Razzy]

Alright, the weekly weigh-in shows I've lost almost another pound.... I'm a few spare hairs away from 118lbs.

 

There's also a picture of my irksome self in a truly horrendous zebra bikini somewhere on the internets. How did that get there?

 

 

Actually, I'll admit. I did it. I figure this will be a way to compare in the future, like putting a cattle prod to the butt, and a way to perhaps get a sound-off advice on what I can do to reach my goal, and maybe get some opinions on whether or not zebra bikinis make you look fat.

 

And I feel it's somehow required that I show of my curly hair. It's just about the only thing on my body I'm semi-proud of.

[Barfly]

Haha! You're hilarious! Following

p.s. Also pretty cute

[SpecialSundae]

You're so tiny and cute! You will be almightily strong and tiny and cute. Like a ninja kitten.

[Razzy]

Haha! You're hilarious! Following

p.s. Also pretty cute

 

 

Hey Barfly! I'm glad to see you here and thanks for following!

 

Now I feel I should tell you something about me and bribery/flattery.

 

It works on me. A lot. It's my secret weakness and I have absolutely no problems with this. Keep it up and you'll soon find you will have your own regiment of flying monkeys at your command!

 

xD Sunday is my cheat day, and yet when my exercise day falls on it, I always seem to exercise anyway. (Except once. It was my birthday, in which I declare myself Supreme Potentate of the Land and do whatever I want, which is to say whatever my family will let me get away with.)

 

Will post later when I've done my workout.

[Razzy]

You're so tiny and cute! You will be almightily strong and tiny and cute. Like a ninja kitten.

 

 

I've always wanted to be a ninja kitten!

 

*sniff* The faith of nerds is almightily powerful. Many thanks!

[Tehya]

You are going to do AWESOME on your challenge!  

 

I also agree with SpecialSundae - you are tiny and cute!

[Razzy]

Dawww, thank you Mel_Issa! I hope I've done you proud today!

 

My results!

 

Well, as promised, I did change up the difficulty on the squats. I tried doing pistol squats but as I have nothing, no pole nor even a handy clutter-free wall to support me, this didn't turn out well. So I came up with something on the fly after much trial and error.

 

I introduce to you, the Razzy Squat (which sounds a lot more erotic than I intended.)

 

1. Assume the squat position.

2. Take the ankle of one leg and brace it on the opposite leg, just above the knee.

3. Put your hands out for balance like a good tight-rope walker.

4. Do the hokey-pokey.

5. Actually, step 4 was a lie, you just do a squat on one leg.

 

Switch legs as needed. I found this allowed me to keep my back much straighter than with a pistol squat and made it easier to balance. It also put more weight on the one leg, so the squat was sufficiently harder and I had to do them much slower than I usually do.

 

Also, I am happy to report that incline push-ups are quite doable at a 35 degree angle! In fact, I'm worried they may be too easy. I think I may hunt down that weight belt I got around here somewhere and put it to good use!

 

So, in summary:

 

• 60 Razzy Squats
• 60 twisty lunges.
• 30 incline pushups
• 90 dumbell rows using MTG cards, as per nerd club regulations.
• 30 mountain climbers (though i really do want to find something else that will also contribute to back strength)
• 90 jumping jacks.
• 3 30-second planks.

I've also considered what I've learned from StrengthUnbound (many thanks to Barfly for helping provide bodyweight exercise resources!)

 

In there, there's a bodyweight program that basically has it where, when you've mastered a particular exercise and it's no longer a challenge, you merely make it more difficult by performing a harder variation. This sounds like smashing advice. Ergo, having looked at the Advanced Bodyweight routine on NF, I think I may switch out the dumbbell rows for dips. Because why the bleep not? I think I may also start holding my cat when I do the lunges. He's 20lbs. And furry. And unless he's sleepy, he'll thrash a lot. Sounds like a perfect way to ramp up the difficulty on that move!

 

Oh. Another thing. I've been doing all this jazz for some time now. I'm starting to think there's a sinister reason I'm not getting stronger faster. Yeah, lifting weights could help, but I'm hosed in that regard, not unless a truly ripped Santa drops some weights down the chimney. (If you're on his naughty list, you get boxed sets of Jerry Springer.) The only thing I can peg is my diet. I know I get a fairly laughable amount of protein. (Cashews are my primary source of protein. Yeah.) So I am thinking of supplementing that in some way.

 

Shakes. Probably shakes. I'd pretty much do anything if it meant speeding up muscle repair and whatnot.

 

Unless it were cannibalism.

 

I probably wouldn't be able to eat it all by myself.

 

 

 

 

(Razzy Squats are property of Razzy the Spazzy. Any unathorized commercial use will be met with swift and snarky retribution. Praise Yog Shoggoth.)

[Barfly]

No problem, I'm a shameless flirt

[Barfly]

Damn autocorrect; I meant to say I was wearing a flameless shirt. It's quite fire resistant.

[Tehya]

Lol Barfly!

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Razzy]

LOL! Well that's fine by me, Barfly, I'm shamelessly addicted to flattery. Bring forth the honeyed words!

 

A flameless shirt would be excellent to have. I should definitely acquire one to keep the ninja's off me.

 

 

In other news today:

 

OW. OW OW OW OW OW! My legs are freaking killing me! It hurts to climb stairs or get out of bed and this is driving me nuts! Today is a workday but holy shit, I don't think I'll be able to do it! Every now and then I can feel the muscles in my thighs twitch and shudder now and then. This is cray. They should have recovered by now, yes?

[Barfly]

^^^want

Nope. My worst DOMS are two days after a workout, so yeah. It will stop, eventually. Maybe do a light workout today, just get them moving. Usually makes things feel better.

[Razzy]

And once again, the great Barfly proves himself a psychic hero! (If he keeps it up, he'll get an honorary lapel pin. Very je ne sais quoi.)

 

xD Yeah, mine is pretty much in the same boat. I did indeed do a lighter workout yesterday. No Razzy Squats and I only did 2 circuits. I wanted to do a third but, by Grayskull, I didn't have the strength to power through that burn.

 

Also, yesterday I stated my goals (see the first post) to The Boyfriend. Understandably, he was skeptical with the whole Pinning part, but I think I smelled some apprehension in there as well! I must say, it was most intoxicating.

 

Of interesting note, when discussing dietary limits of the Paleo diet, (as per Goal #5) The Boyfriend insisted that beer is a health food in Germany. (His majors are German and Business; specifically, he wishes to be a translator for a big import/export company.) Therefore, beer should be wholly allowed and consumed without guilt. I think this is full of crap. So my friends, I ask:

 

[Barfly]

Been there, done that (literally). Did NOT feel healthy.

[AMURA]

Haha, Razzy you're hilarious. Definitely following you for some bodyweight inspiration + humor. I too am doing the Beginner's Bodyweight Workout, but man! I haven't leveled up nearly as much as you. Luckily, today is workout day so I'm gonna push myself à la Razzy. 

 

As for the beer, I hate the taste of liquid wheat so I don't go near the stuff but hard liquors are definitely a vice for me. Just the other day I measured out one of my regular drinks (6oz of Malibu + 1/2 cup of mango juice)… 376 calories! And that's just one drink. I can't imagine beer would be much better… they're not called beer bellies for nothin'. Plus beer is wheat, barley, etc.—not exactly Paleo. There's lots of neat guides to Paleo + alcohol tho (for example).

[Razzy]

Welp, the Word of Barfly is good enough for me. I shall wield this with AMURA's article (thank you, btw) in my continuing battle for sexyness fitness!

 

Haha, Razzy you're hilarious. Definitely following you for some bodyweight inspiration + humor. I too am doing the Beginner's Bodyweight Workout, but man! I haven't leveled up nearly as much as you. Luckily, today is workout day so I'm gonna push myself à la Razzy. 

 

As for the beer, I hate the taste of liquid wheat so I don't go near the stuff but hard liquors are definitely a vice for me. Just the other day I measured out one of my regular drinks (6oz of Malibu + 1/2 cup of mango juice)… 376 calories! And that's just one drink. I can't imagine beer would be much better… they're not called beer bellies for nothin'. Plus beer is wheat, barley, etc.—not exactly Paleo. There's lots of neat guides to Paleo + alcohol tho (for example).

 

 

That is possibly the sweetest, most touching and morale-boosting thing I've ever seen on the internets! I'm humbled and honored to have inspired someone else!

 

LOL Thank you AMURA~ You've made my day. But be warned! My insanity is definitely contagious. If you find yourself wearing funny hats and plotting world domination, that means you've gotten lethal exposure. Also:

 

Don't plot about world domination. It's unhealthy and reduces caring for you're fellow man and it was my idea first. O___O

 

As a good motivator should, I shall gift you a funny picture that shall motivate you to great new levels!

 

 

Use this power wisely, young padawan.

 

 

In other news today, i think I should be straight with you guys. I've been unable to stick the Paleo diet wholly for a few days on and off recently. It's not terrible though! It isn't like I'm gnawing on Big Macs dipped in Coke. I have, for a day or two, eaten a Subway sammich.

 

I know, I know. But hear me out.

 

The last few years, I've managed to get a good job with a silver jeweler as part-time help. Everything is made by hand (like, seriously. I've helped make it.) and uses the lost wax casting method. If you do not know what this is, please just google it. It's exhaustive and I am le tired from working 11 hours today.

 

Anyway, the artist/jeweler I work for kinda has to procrastinate making merchandise before a show. So he stuffs 3 months of work into 1 week, and needs a lot of help over a lot of hours. That's where I come in! And alas, he's in such a working, caffeinated, sleep deprived frenzy, lunch breaks are unheard of. Alas, not much food packs very well that is both filling and nutritious. So, I've resorted to a Subway sammich (don't worry -- it's a very healthy one, I made sure of that!) And it's the only meal I have for the day.

 

Here's what my eating schedule looks like when I work these days:

 

8:30AM: 3 eggs and milk and coffee.

 

4:00PM: 6-inch Sub Club with extra green things.

 

And that is it! I figure, yeah.... it's bread. But, it's also the only thing I'm eating all day. So.... my body is probably burning it up and using it and it's preferable to going into starving mode.

 

Speaking of diet and exercise, I'm in something of conundrum. Because of the work schedule (10AM-8PM) I have to get up at 7:30 to make the 40 minute commute to the jeweler's place to, ya know, work. And tomorrow should be a workout day. But there's no way I'm getting up at 6AM to workout. Because I am not, nor do I believe in, the mythical creature some call a morning person. And yet, when I get back home at around 9:40, I'm exhausted from frantically trying to make jewelry all day. So, here's what I'm thinking: Skip it tomorrow and just do my full work out (Razzy Squats included!) on Friday, which is my day off, because of the Holy Date Night. I work a craft show this weekend as well, which means a 13-14 hour day, most of it on my feet and running around non-stop. I dunno, in my book, this contributes to the exercise thing. But it also limits my work out time. I'm thinking I will (much as I hate it being so) be forced to skip 2 days, workout Friday, skip another 2 days, and workout Monday. It's a pretty exhausting work schedule, but I really don't want to backslide.

 

Whachya guys think? Workable? Or should I set my alarm clock for real early?

 

Warning: My chances for indulging in cannibalism are inversely proportional to the amount of sleep I've had. You have been warned!

[Barfly]

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, I'm NOT saying don't drink beer... I do. Frequently.

Just, it's not healthy. It's an important part of this healthy breakfast much in the same way frosted flakes are; more accurately, it's adjacent to this healthy breakfast.

So, go ahead and drink some. Save some calories out of your "allotment" and have a cold one. Or run off the extra calories later.

Now, that doesn't look like enough to eat for a whole day. Have you figured out how many calories that was? How many grams of protein? You need a substantial number of each if you're going to function well and work out, too.

And, um, yeah. I start my commute at 0600, which means up at 0500, which means a morning workout would have me up at 0400. So, ain't happenin. If I get home too late, then screw it. Once you're in the habit of working out regularly then a skipped workout here and there really won't matter.

p.s. I've done lost wax casting! Small world.

And - people, the other, other white meat

[Razzy]

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, I'm NOT saying don't drink beer... I do. Frequently.

Just, it's not healthy. It's an important part of this healthy breakfast much in the same way frosted flakes are; more accurately, it's adjacent to this healthy breakfast.

So, go ahead and drink some. Save some calories out of your "allotment" and have a cold one. Or run off the extra calories later.

Now, that doesn't look like enough to eat for a whole day. Have you figured out how many calories that was? How many grams of protein? You need a substantial number of each if you're going to function well and work out, too.

And, um, yeah. I start my commute at 0600, which means up at 0500, which means a morning workout would have me up at 0400. So, ain't happenin. If I get home too late, then screw it. Once you're in the habit of working out regularly then a skipped workout here and there really won't matter.

p.s. I've done lost wax casting! Small world.

And - people, the other, other white meat

 

HAHAHAHAHA, man, I gotta admit. I LOVE the way you describe things. And I am in full agreement, as per usual. A drink now and then, is no big deal. It's a treat, and the thing about treats is that you don't get them often at all. (Unless you are my cat, in which case, you're spoiled rotten and I'm a dope dealer.) Personally, I don't like beer very much. Schnapps are my weakness. Particularly peppermint. But The Boyfriend does like beer and is a particular shade of adamant about not dropping that. Feminine countermeasures may have to be employed here.

 

Also, yeah, I know it isn't enough for a whole day. Calories come out to about 350. 24g of protein, so that's not so bad. I put on ALL the veggies, pretty much. And I am hungry at the end of the day, but too darn tired to do anything about it. It's either sleep little hungry or eat crap and, considering the massive amounts of crap fed to us by the media every day, I figure it's best to cut back and just go to bed. It's hard to plan meals when you're gone from dawn to dusk and the only ones at home to cook are the two males who need to set a timer too cook eggs.

 

I wish, I wish I were joking.

 

And Barfly, you have just allayed a great concern of mine! *PHEW* I've always been my worst critic in a way -- when I'm off my work out routine by a few hours, a voice is already nagging me in the back of my mind. But it's good to know I can let things slide. It's small peps and reassurances like these that make fitness so much easier, so thank you!

 

 

P.S. You've done lost wax casting? Awesome!

 

And I'm so, so very sorry for you. You know how much work it is. Polishing the silver pieces alone is torture! Good part is, I've probably inhaled so much silver particulate, that, when I finally achieve my strength goal of "Unleashed Kraken" I could kill a werewolf with my bare hands!

 

For that is how the Razzy do.

[Viper]

Following you for the Thane avatar and the laughs. Even though I'm more of a Garrus girl myself. ;]

[Tehya]

 Alas, not much food packs very well that is both filling and nutritious.

 

There is a TON that packs well and if both filling and nutritious.  Salads, fresh cut veggies/fruit, hard boiled egges, left overs from the night before, pre-made meals....

 

With your crazy work schedule, have you thought of spending time on a day off cooking meals for the week?  That way you know you have a healthy lunch and dinner that you may just need to heat up.  I know that emcee packs food often when she is working, so you can ask her for ideas, check out http://whole9life.com/ for more ideas of stuff to pack for food, http://nomnompaleo.com/ is another site that is good.  Sometimes you just need to get creative.