cn3wton, Battle log of Ages

[cn3wton]

Happy Monday everyone!

 

This past week/weekend was a bit crazy.

 

The owner of the Crossfit gym I used to go to reached out and wants to help me start getting my shit together. They have really grown and expanded far beyond just a "crossfit" gym. They dont even have crossfit in their name anymore. They offer a ton of helpful stuff its just the time and money right now. I consider him a good friend and I gotta start doing something. But my motivation has already pretty much diminished.

 

I had a long talk with my friend and business partner about whats going on. Im learning a lot about myself and where my heads at. Ive always had times of needing to "force" myself to enjoy things. To feel anything really. They have been increasing lately. Its not total complete indifference. Its just incredibly hard to explain. Basically im kind of "meh" about most things until one tiny thing sets me off and I have a spike of extremely good feelings or complete anger. Def gotta talk to someone ASAP about all that.

 

For instance.

 

Saturday morning I went to my house to remove the specialized spacers from the wall tile. The tiles started falling off in my hands. I was furious. After about 4 I called my dad told him what was going on and that I had to step away and go to work. I told my business partner I needed an extra 30 mins to cool off before going to work because I was seeing red. During this my dad was able to easily pull off all the tiles.

 

So we did some research and got better materials and better knowledge on what we needed to do. And sunday while it took 10x longer to do we made a sizeable dent on the wall. Nowhere near where it was but im confident we did it right this time.

 

I have to take some time to really think about how I want to address the health side of my life. Both mentally and physically.  Because I am definitely sacraficing that in favor of my business and work life stuff.

 

I am happy to be back and see some awesome people checking in on me! I am going to start trying to check in more often. Id like to say once a day but I want to avoid setting things like that. But it would be nice to have it as part of a routine in the mornings.

 

[cn3wton]

This week has been going okay.

 

I got the paperwork for my health insurance plan from HR and therapy isnt covered at all. SO I am going to have to find a unique solution to this. I have heard some good things about online sessions but Im unsure. I will have to think that over.

 

I havent started any changes to food yet. I am going to spend some time thinking this week on how I want to approach it. I am hopefully going to set up a meeting with my friend who owns the gym to talk to him.

 

Ive been listening to the Witcher books on audible on my drive to and from work. They are so good. I can see now why so many people hate the show ha.

 

Thats about it for now. Hope everyones having a great week!

[Shello]

1 hour ago, cn3wton said:

therapy isnt covered at all

Just another shortcoming of our healthcare system.  I hope you find a solution.  I am not sure about those online services but anything is better than nothing.  

[DarK_RaideR]

On 1/31/2022 at 9:35 PM, cn3wton said:

Ive always had times of needing to "force" myself to enjoy things. To feel anything really. They have been increasing lately. Its not total complete indifference. Its just incredibly hard to explain. Basically im kind of "meh" about most things until one tiny thing sets me off and I have a spike of extremely good feelings or complete anger.

Sounds like some sort of emotional detachment, some kind of trauma that had you curl up emotionally and avoid feeling them, as a defence mechanism, so when something extremely good or bad happens, the pressure's built up and you explode.

 

Not that I'm an expert. Or that I'd know from personal experience...

[cn3wton]

On 2/2/2022 at 3:55 PM, Shello said:

Just another shortcoming of our healthcare system.  I hope you find a solution.  I am not sure about those online services but anything is better than nothing.  

 

Your right, at least my medicine is fully covered thats really cool. Its mainly due to this stupid plan I chose before deciding to get help. Its a high deductible plan. I basically pay for EVERYTHING and its really cheap... Ill be reassessing my optinos for next year.

 

On 2/2/2022 at 6:31 PM, DarK_RaideR said:

Sounds like some sort of emotional detachment, some kind of trauma that had you curl up emotionally and avoid feeling them, as a defence mechanism, so when something extremely good or bad happens, the pressure's built up and you explode.

 

Not that I'm an expert. Or that I'd know from personal experience...

 

Maybe. It does sound a bit like what I am feeling. I appreciate you sharing. Its definitely hard to talk about stuff like this its awesome to have people to share with.

[cn3wton]

I still havent figured anything out Therapy wise. I am going to start doing some research into online solutions. Most of the professionals around me are poorly rated, but who knows if thats to be believed or not.

 

Food I havent even tried adjusting yet.

 

The house is still frustrating. I will NEVER do tilework again. At least not at this scale. Thankfully only 1 tile came off this time (not the whole thing). But its still frustrating.

 

I have decided I want to try to focus on positive stuff here. Its been a lot of negativity. And its nice to have a place to vent but at the same time when I found the most success here it was posting positive stuff and trying to get better. I have printed off some stuff to fill out from my friend who owns the gym I used to go to. I am going to start looking into options of how to get back on track with my health and take it one step at a time.

 

[cn3wton]

I think I have a plan.

 

I met with a friend who owns a delivery "meal prep" service. Basically he makes healthier pre made meals. Im sure youve seen similar things as the idea seems to be spreading. I can't say if he was the "first" or not but he was a very early adopter of this type of business.

 

He offers discounts for a 6 week "meal plan". Basically if yo ucommit to X amount of meals a week and pay up front you get a decent discount. A friend and I are considering doing it. I would need to go all or nothing though. For six weeks I dont want to have to make a choice about what I eat.

 

The only thing I want to find is options for breakfast. One of the things he suggested was Fiber1 cereal with mixed fruit and sweetened almond milk. Properly portioned of course. But I think this sounds like a pretty good option. I bought a large bag for keeping lunch and stuff cold. I could put all the things in there seperately and eat the breakfast at my desk in the morning. And the microwave meal would be a perfect solution for lunch and dinner. The only thing I will have to figure out is snacks.

 

I also have to find a good solution to water intake. I used to have a large water jug I carried with me but I cant find it. I want to have a full thing of water every day that I have to drink. Maybe drop a lemon or so in it? Is that still the go to thing?

 

I have also decided to wake up early and instead of going back to sleep for a short rest or watching something on my phone I will do some form of exercise. I have access to a treadmill, a bike, and a ski erg. One of those for 30 minutes would be a good starting point. Or maybe 15 minutes of that and some form of bodyweight workout for the other 15?

 

I need to just go all in and be prepared. I know myself, and I have learned that half measures wont work. But I also know that I need to forgive myself if I slip a day or something happens. If I do this 6week meal plan the goal will be to work towards transitioning to making my own meals in the crockpot etc.

[Shello]

On 2/7/2022 at 9:13 AM, cn3wton said:

Your right, at least my medicine is fully covered thats really cool. Its mainly due to this stupid plan I chose before deciding to get help. Its a high deductible plan. I basically pay for EVERYTHING and its really cheap... Ill be reassessing my optinos for next year.

I have a high deduct plan too.  I do get coverage for counseling.  I still have to pay but at least I'm paying the amount they've contracted with my insurance and not the full price.  It also occurred to me that most therapy centers have a self pay price for patients who don't have coverage.  It's usually the average of what the insurance companies pay.  And let me tell you, insurance companies are great at negotiating a good price.  

 

That meal service sounds really interesting.  It sounds convenient for your busy schedule.  

[RES]

That sounds like a great plan to keep yourself on track! I think the lemon is still a thing, was never a thing I could get into though.

[cn3wton]

On 2/8/2022 at 10:20 AM, Shello said:

I have a high deduct plan too.  I do get coverage for counseling.  I still have to pay but at least I'm paying the amount they've contracted with my insurance and not the full price.  It also occurred to me that most therapy centers have a self pay price for patients who don't have coverage.  It's usually the average of what the insurance companies pay.  And let me tell you, insurance companies are great at negotiating a good price.  

 

That meal service sounds really interesting.  It sounds convenient for your busy schedule.  

 

Thank you I will have to look into it! And yes I am hoping that the premade meals will help me get on the right track and start prepping.

 

14 hours ago, RES said:

That sounds like a great plan to keep yourself on track! I think the lemon is still a thing, was never a thing I could get into though.

 

Thank you! And yes I love lemon in water and used to use lemon on salads with oil but I read somewhere thats frowned upon now? Who knows lol

[cn3wton]

So yesterday I felt stuffy and congested. I was not surprised as due to the medicine coverage fiasco I didnt take any allergy meds for 2 weeks.

 

But last night I had a very strange breathless feeling while watching a movie on my laptop in bed. I would sit up and my mouth and throat would be incredibly dry. And even though I felt like I was breathing fine I felt like I couldnt breathe? It was very strange. But I fell asleep alright.

 

I woke up tired this morning with the same congestion. I considered taking an at home test but when I got up and moving it mostly subsided.

 

Then my boss told me he had similar symptoms, and his wife had the same a few days ago. And they both tested negative. I still think I am going to get tested but I am happy to know/think that its likely not worse case scenario.

 

No progress on the food and exercise yet but I did order a bunch of chicken to throw in the crockpot tonight!

[Sloth the Enduring]

Ugh. Good luck with the test.  

[cn3wton]

On 2/9/2022 at 5:28 PM, Sloth the Enduring said:

Ugh. Good luck with the test.  

 

Thanks! Thankfully it was negative!

[cn3wton]

This week has been crazy. I open up my first ever storefront this saturday for my business and I am excited and nervous. Ive been working a ton and this cold is still hanging on and I cant quite shake it. All the tests I have done have been negative think its just some crazy sinus thing.

 

I start my food plan tomorrow!

[Sloth the Enduring]

 Congratulations!

 

I missed it, is this a virtual or brick and mortar store and what are you selling?

[cn3wton]

On 2/17/2022 at 4:09 PM, Sloth the Enduring said:

 Congratulations!

 

I missed it, is this a virtual or brick and mortar store and what are you selling?

This is our first brick and mortar location but we do sell online as well!

[cn3wton]

The food plan is going pretty well. The meals are generally really good. But I did order a few different healthier sauces to spice them up a bit without adding too many empty calories. I know I would probably grow to love them if I let my pallete get used to not being oversaturated with flavor. But one battle at a time.

 

I also bought and have been using a 1 gallon giant bottle, its more of a jug, for my daily water intake. And as crazy as it sounds even though ive only been on this for 4 days I am already starting to feel better. I slept really great last night as well.

 

My life is about to get even busier now with the store officially open. On top of my job I am committed to working mon-wed night and saturday for most the day. Its fun and Im not overly worried but I am watching my mood.

 

I still havent found a good solution that I want to pursue for therapy. Someone was suggested to me locally, I might try that. But I dont know if my hesitance is because of overall hesitance to talk to someone or I dont know what. Will keep everyone updated on that.

 

[Shello]

Congrats on the store front.  That sounds super exciting! 

[cn3wton]

19 hours ago, Shello said:

Congrats on the store front.  That sounds super exciting! 

Thank you it is exciting!  A little stressful but still exciting!

 

 

[cn3wton]

The food is going well, but perhaps even better is my water intake. I am drinking over a gallon of water a day. I am actually starting to feel better. Yesterday I felt better than I had in a long long time! This morning I was a bit tired when I woke up but I did get going earlier. Right now though I am feeling pretty great!

 

As far as weight goes I am only 10lbs over the weight loss I had achieved before. Which is a lot to some but me that is huge! The last few years have been failed weight loss, gain 30-40 pounds, try again, etc etc. So I am happy I was able to keep myself somewhat in check this time.

 

I havent started the exercise in the morning yet, thats something I have to push myself to do. I want to eventually get in the habit of getting up and maybe going to the gym before work. But baby steps on that.

 

Now that I work from pretty much 6am to 9pm 3 weekdays I need to make sure I spend time with my dog on the off days. I miss him a lot and I feel bad. But I know that starting my own business and growing it is going to be a huge gain in the long run. And while my parents take great care of him I still miss him.

 

Thats about it so far. 

[cn3wton]

While I have been feeling a lot better an saving a lot of money the weight loss has stalled a bit since starting the meals. 

 

The big thing is eating a few snacks that are probably not the best choice. I have decided that this week I am working on further limiting these secondary options in an effort to keep losing weight. But it is still trending down which is good. 2lbs in 5 days isnt a ton but its not nothing.

[Shello]

1 hour ago, cn3wton said:

2lbs in 5 days isnt a ton but its not nothing.

2 pounds in 5 days is great!  Play the long game.  Slower weight loss tends to last longer.   Keep it up! 

[cn3wton]

Hey everybody it's me again!

 

Thankfully back this time with some actual good news and some serious progress in pretty much every category of my life!

 

#1 Weight Loss

I am currently down 85 pounds! I still have a ways to go but very soon I will see 2XX on the scale and not 3XX! I haven't been under 300lbs in at least 6 years. So I am happy with the milestone and continuing to crush it.

 

#2 Fitness

It took a long time to kick off my fitness startup. I kept starting and stopping new things. Half assing the workouts I showed up to and not feeling very driven or interested in going. Then about a month ago I reached out to a friend and coach and said what I really wanted to do. I wanted to focus on strength training and building muscle. I started a strength focused program and have been excited to go the gym again! I also added 2 days a week to my routine going to a different local gym to focus more on the traditional isolated lifts using machinery a crossfit gym doesn't typically have.

 

#3 Mental Health and Self Confidence

I can honestly say I am in the best place I have ever been. Not every day is perfect, but learning more about myself and how my brain works has been eye opening. And seeing someone was definitely the right way to go. To me the most eye opening part was that mental illness has all these labels but in truth no ones condition is the same to another's even with the same "diagnosis". I was diagnosed with depression first, and did opt to go with medication after speaking with a professional. Then as we moved forward I learned that I have Obsessive Compulsive Personality disorder. The final icing on the cake is ADHD. Which is something I think people joke about everyone having but I can definitely feel the difference. My goal is not to stay on medication forever of course. But right now to get me to a place of true health and wellness and a rock solid foundation.

 

Also my self confidence now is higher than even when I was at my lightest all those years ago and I was active here! I am taking care of myself in more ways than eating well or working out. But with self care and all around better habits. This to me I believe is the key to my current success and the missing piece I have been looking for all this time. It's easy to slip when you are tracking 1 - 2 things. But when you are making incremental improvements to your life there are so many more metrics for success.

 

This confidence has had a compounding affect in my personal life. Despite still being overweight I catch people checking me out and women outright telling me how good I look. Asking me if I work out. A HUGE part of this is also taking pride it what I am wearing and doing my hair etc etc. I finally quite often look at myself in the mirror and am pleased. Even when I was skinnier I never really felt quite that way. I look at areas that need improvement now as an opportunity. 

 

#4 Nutrition & Supplements

One of the biggest things I realized that I did wrong my first time around was protein. I thought I was getting enough protein. Turns out I was not EVEN CLOSE. Food has always been a thorn in the side of any starting weight loss journey for me. And the only successful true one lasted when I hit a routine and had meals ready to go at home that were quick. In the past I tried to change my nutrition too fast or too slow, and never really had a PURPOSE for eating a certain way. Now I  eat what I eat for a reason. One of which is to gain muscle. It's not simply "to get healthy". Goal driven eating was another piece to the puzzle.

 

I have also been researching and starting to take vitamins and certain supplements, which are all meant to supplement my good diet not replace it.

 

Funny enough the final thing that pushed me into my current nutrition plan was being bedridden for a week. I was about 75lbs down at the time, and had been fluctuating there for a month or so, and was getting quite frustrated. The strength training had started to help after the initial time, but shortly in I caught a respiratory virus that hit me extremely hard. I could not sleep and barely ate. As I began to feel better I noted that this was the first time I had been sick in a long time, and I fully intended to do everything I could do keep that going. It was then that I decided to make a drastic change to my nutrition plan and keep it simple. I had eaten almost nothing the whole week, so I knew my body had gone through most of the withdrawal from sugar and carbs. So I jumped right in. A post about my meal plan will likely come later on here.

 

#5 Finding a good Doctor

I was fortunate to find an amazing primary care doctor that I worked with to begin my weight loss journey and assist me. I cannot express how vital it is to have a doctor you trust. With her help I have not only dealt with existing health issues (seep apnea, etc), But also learned about family history and preventative steps to ensure long term health. My fathers side of the family has a history of heart disease. My Dad, my Grandpa, My Great Grandpa, it basically goes on and on. What is shocking is that I am the only one to really struggle with extreme obesity. My father has been a bit overweight, but at the time of his heart attack he was in excellent shape. I learned that something that has been passed down is the inability of our bodies to make good cholesterol. The exact words my primary and cardiologist said was that if it was unmonitored a marathon runner could have a heart attack.  

 

I have a tendency to overdue these things so I think I am going to end it there for now and check in with some of yall! I've got a lot more to say but for now I want to get back in the groove.

 

 

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

So happy for you, that is a lot of good densely packed into to a post. 

[cn3wton]

24 minutes ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

So happy for you, that is a lot of good densely packed into to a post. 

Thanks it feels good to be back on track finally after all these years!