cn3wton, Battle log of Ages

[WhiteGhost]

On 7/31/2019 at 11:37 PM, cn3wton said:

Honestly I don't know?

It has been a while since I did anything needing US licenses, but I know there are a bunch.  The first one you will probably need is the series 6 and another one for insurance stuff (Series 16?). IIRC, the one you need if you want to give professional financial advice is the Series 7. 

[cn3wton]

On 8/1/2019 at 12:18 PM, WhiteGhost said:

It has been a while since I did anything needing US licenses, but I know there are a bunch.  The first one you will probably need is the series 6 and another one for insurance stuff (Series 16?). IIRC, the one you need if you want to give professional financial advice is the Series 7. 

 

Not gonna lie you know alot more about this than me! HA! But I have to start somewhere and I trust the woman who will be my mentor so I am happy to go blindly forth as one would say!

[cn3wton]

A tale of a failed two day fast.

 

So I have been fasting a lot recently. Its definitely been beneficial. I have always done some form of intermittent fasting, but lately a few days I have been eating 1 meal a day at night and fasting the rest of the time. And it has been going well.

 

Well I decided that after dinner friday night (around 6) that I would fast over the weekend. I woke up saturday morning to meet my trainer at 5 and we walked and biked a bit while we talked. I worked on helping him with a new campaign for the gym to make some extra cash, then went home. I focused on keeping water intake up and while I of course had a few instances of hunger it was all manageable. 

 

I want to point out that this is not me punishing myself or anything like that. I truly have seen the benefits of fasting and also being able to deal with the "hungry" feeling is great. I am getting to the point instead of "Oh god I have to eat something NOW" its more of "Hey I am hungry I should eat when I get home."

 

Well Sunday I woke up feeling great. I had a busy day lined up. Book club at 8, drank tea while everyone ate delicious meals around me, didnt bother me. Then I went up to my familys camp for my grandmas bday and a workday where I helped them take apart the old wooden boat lift. Well all of a sudden I was hit with a killer headdache. After a few minutes I knew I had to go home. I grabbed the dog from the water and was getting bad fast. Nausuea, dizziness, it was a little worrying. I sped home for the 30 minute drive drank water and devoured whatever food I had. I then jumped in the shower and took some meds.

 

My mistake was for the hours of work in the sun I didn't drink any water, and I know that now. I broke my fast at 1:00pm on sunday. So 43 hours?

 

I had something to eat this morning and will eat a small lunch as well, but a word to everyone who wants to fast. I fully support it but remember your water intake is vital!

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

That's not a failed fast, that's a successful 43 hour fast with some lessons learned  

 

Also, how familiar are you with Primerica? I've heard their sales pitch before and opted not to do business with them. I don't want to rain on your parade, so I won't say anymore without an invitation, but I'd be remiss if I didn't ask for the opportunity to share my impressions.

[cn3wton]

5 hours ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

That's not a failed fast, that's a successful 43 hour fast with some lessons learned  

 

Also, how familiar are you with Primerica? I've heard their sales pitch before and opted not to do business with them. I don't want to rain on your parade, so I won't say anymore without an invitation, but I'd be remiss if I didn't ask for the opportunity to share my impressions.

 

I trust the person I would be mentoring with implicitly. She has done wonders for my investments and is a family friend.

I truly belove that the ideals of the company are a double edged sword as I have heard the exact oppossite impressions than my own from many people.

[DarK_RaideR]

43 hours of fasting sounds a bit too extreme to me, as does having a single meal per day. If nothing else, it's probably going to mess with your metabolism BUT as I have no hard data or scientific evidence to back this up besides conventional wisdom, take my words with a grain of salt.

[cn3wton]

Feel good moment of the day.

 

Woman at work asked me if I've lost weight and said I was looking good.

 

WIN!

[cn3wton]

Its been a slow/quite couple of weeks but I am still working on it.

 

The weight loss has stalled again, but I am not letting myself get discouraged I am staying focused an positive. 

 

Till next time!

[cn3wton]

Hi all, back again with another update.

 

Weight is finally starting to move back in the right direction. However something more profound happened over the last few days.

 

I ended up joining a weight loss challenge, and was partnered with someone who I only met once before. I messaged him and said that I would do it, if he agreed to meet with me for a long walk once a week. He could pick any time that worked for him (as early as he wants or as late) but we had to do it. I call these my walk and talk sessions. We learned a ton about one another on our roughly 4 mile walk. And I was motivated.

 

On my way home I decided that I would pick up my mother and grandmother for church. Now I don't want to get too much into religous theology here, but I have not reguraly attended chruch in well over 10 years. And it started out as simply a way to make my mother and grandmother happy. (My aunt also ended up riding with us). Well I was decently surprised to find that I actually enjoyed the lessons. I may not be big on everything, but the message/lessons really hit home. I was surrounded by people that I have known forever, and where so genuinally happy to see me. It was a bizzare experience. I think I may just go back.

 

After this I drove (in my nice clean car) myself, my grandmother, my aunt, and my mom to lunch. Then we grabbed some stuff in a local harbor frieght. It was such a nice time spending it with my family, and it felt good to just help them out. I even had waters in the car for them.

 

After this I was a bit wiped, very tired. I layed down for awhile and can't quite recall what I did when I got back up but it was something semi productive. I was able to sit down and play a video game for a couple hours while still feeling accomplished that day.

 

Then yesterday we went to the new york state fair, which is the second largest state fair in the country. Which is also mostly just food that tastes amazing but is horrible for you. I stuck to my plan and fasted even when we stopped for breakfast. And then I stuck to my plan. It was simple. I would eat 1 large good lunch, something that fit in my diet. Then I could only buy other food if it was something I could share with everyone in the group. So when I got a blooming onion for instance, I only took 4-5 pieces before being done. I did this with everything else that we got and to be honest, it wasn't much at all. But it helped me focus on really enjoying it, where before I would have gotten a ton of food for myself and just made myself sick with how much I ate. This time around its all about me learning to have a proper relationship with food. And this level of control is what I need and want.

 

After we got home from the fair I was beat. We walked quite a bit, and I was sore. However I decided that didnt matter, and went and did something I had been putting off for too long. I trimmed around the dogs fenced in area, and really took my time with it not a quick "good enough" approach. Then i raked all the debris away from the fence. Then I put a natural weed killer I made (with dish soap, vinegar, and salt) on it to stop it from growing up again and making it easier to maintain. Then I filled in the holes the dog had dug in the yard. Then I mowed. All in all it was roughly 5-6 hours of yard work. But I felt so great to have accomplished that. Then I showered quickly and went to dinner with some friends, where I ended the night with an option of the healthier section of the menu and a water.

 

On top of all of this I have stopped simply ignoring things. If something needs to be picked up I pick it up, if something needs to be thrown away I do it. I feel so much better and honestly I told someone that I truly felt like the way I lived my life the last two days is the way I want to live my life from now on. It was an amazingly weird experience.

 

Thats all for now.

[WhiteGhost]

I love all the good stiff in your post there.  Tons of progress on so many fronts  

 

31 minutes ago, cn3wton said:

On my way home I decided that I would pick up my mother and grandmother for church. Now I don't want to get too much into religous theology here, but I have not reguraly attended chruch in well over 10 years. And it started out as simply a way to make my mother and grandmother happy. (My aunt also ended up riding with us). Well I was decently surprised to find that I actually enjoyed the lessons. I may not be big on everything, but the message/lessons really hit home. I was surrounded by people that I have known forever, and where so genuinally happy to see me. It was a bizzare experience. I think I may just go back.

I'll let you in on  little secret:  lot of people who attend church regularly are not there for the theology    There is a lot to be said for the social aspects of it (although the theology is probably not going to be bad for you either  ).

[DarK_RaideR]

On 9/3/2019 at 1:47 PM, cn3wton said:

On top of all of this I have stopped simply ignoring things. If something needs to be picked up I pick it up, if something needs to be thrown away I do it.

It's amazing how helpful this is with maintaining a clean living/working space and thus feeling well, isn't it?

 

Loving the vibes of your latest post!

[cn3wton]

Hey everybody, lots going on. Seems like time always manages to fly by.

 

Still struggling with a lot of things. My drive is still pretty low but I am trying to keep pushing so theres that.

 

I failed my first attempt at the 24 mile walk. I made it pretty much exactly half way. 12.4 miles in roughly 5 hours. It was a long walk, and I was grateful that I had someone who joined me for it. At about 8 miles I could tell I wasn't going to make the 24 miles, but I didn't want to throw in the towel right then. So I set a goal location in mind and swore that I would get there at least. I didn't even know that was the half way point. 

 

I had made a promise to myself that the only reason I would stop would be pain. Not soreness or boredom, just pain. And I was hobbling at the end. I had purchased new shoes and they where a god send. I was sure I would be crippled and unable to walk for a long time after but my feet where spared. Just extreme soreness is the back of my legs, the calves especially. But I survived. I plan on attempting it again after winter. I have plans on how to tackle it a bit better. I was going for a straight through approach with minimal stops, but I don't think thats how I want to do it. Even though its "just" walking I have to remember that its quite a distance.

 

Things are going fairly well. Wish I could say they where going great but that would be a lie. I am still waiting for the switch to flip and get my ass back in gear but I can't seem to make it happen. I think I just have to force it and hold the switch until it stays on its own, its not something that is just magically going to happen.

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

Hey @cn3wton, we are doing a 10th anniversary challenge spectacular to celebrate the first NF challenge in March 2010. Come on back and forget the switch, just set some goals you can't fail and come Ranger them.

[cn3wton]

Wow time flies. And what a crazy time it has been.

 

I'm sorry to report that my health has only deteriorated since my last appearance here. As I mentioned all that time ago I just can't seem to capture whatever it was that kicked my ass in gear to lose the weight before. But I am not here to complain or anything like that. I'm here to voice something that I've been thinking for a long time.

 

I think I may have ADHD. Being 30 years old I've reflected inwardly quite a lot and have been striving to change quite a lot about myself. But I have always struggled with what I have always called start stop motivation. I will go hog wild into something, get 50-75% done with it and then crash. Then that thing sits for years or forever in a corner never to be touched again. Someone shared something about adult ADHD on Facebook that really resonated and i went down the research rabbit hole and while I didn't like what I found. It has given me some semblance of hope that maybe there is a reason why I have struggled my entire life with motivation.

 

I don't know if anyone has any experience with this, but I am nervous. I am not one to pursue medication. But I know that when I was my best self I could force myself to do things. I still had to do that but it was much easier when I felt better. I am going to try to speak to a doctor about it.

 

I have a plan set out for getting better meals and getting back into simplified cooking. My current kitchen isn't conducive to the large scale meal prep that I did back in the day. So I will need to adapt. I need to stop doing the "quick fix" of fast food or take out and just spend 15-20 minutes cooking again. Again this is where the possible ADHD symptoms come in. I will convince myself to prepare chicken ahead for the next few days to throw on the grill. But I will sit down and say "in 5 minutes". Then I can't do anything else because I have to prep the chicken, but I wont get up and do it. And by the time I realize it its already 10 at night.

 

I've always worried that I am just lazy, but the truth is that without a significant motivating factor I can't find the drive to get almost anything done. Projects I have dreamed about, once started seem dull and I force myself to complete them often cutting corners instead of giving it the time it needs.

 

Who knows, but maybe this will help.

 

All other aspects of my life are the best they have ever been. I now work at a job that I love. I lost my job due to COVID cutbacks (it was me or the other engineer, and I told them to keep on the other engineer because he has a family and just bought a house). I am a Plant Process Supervisor. Making improvements and pushing the company forward into better efficiencies and most days its my dream job. My boss is laid back, I make my own hours and can work from home when the project allows. It is a 1.5 hr drive each way but I feel its very much worth it. I get to do something different every day and solve problems.

 

On top of that I created a business with 2 partners and we launched a product on Kickstarter that raised over one hundred thousand dollars. We are now in the process of fullfillment and purchasing equipment with the goal to build the brand and continue selling the product. One day it will be able to support me full time. 

 

You never know where life will take you. I have come to accept that life is never linear. That at no time will all the stars align. I need to take better care of myself but I cannot punish myself for getting where I am now. I need to accept that I battled depression and won (though not unscathed) and that I am stronger in many ways for it. 

 

I am going to return to the forums a bit and check up with people. I am planning to do a mixture of yoga, shadowboxing, dumbbell work, and body weight movements to slowly get myself back into shape. I have always wanted to get involved with martial arts again so I've decided to just do it. Maybe one day when this whole COVID thing is over I will be in a place where I could attend classes.

 

Well I think thats about all for me at the moment. I hope to meet up with some old friends on here and possibly some new ones. I hope you all are staying healthy and happy out there during this crazy time.

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

Wow, you've done a lot, congrats on that business and the new job! Spezzy has ADHD, you might want to hit her up for pointers.

[cn3wton]

2 hours ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

Wow, you've done a lot, congrats on that business and the new job! Spezzy has ADHD, you might want to hit her up for pointers.

Thanks dude! Its good to see you.

[DarK_RaideR]

First of all, welcome back. It's real good to see you again.

2 hours ago, cn3wton said:

I battled depression and won

I'm no doctor, but depression popped up in my mind when you were describing the lack of motivation and leaving things unfinished, until you mentioned it by name. That might be it. But still, seeking professional help is the right way to go about this.

[cn3wton]

Just now, DarK_RaideR said:

First of all, welcome back. It's real good to see you again.

I'm no doctor, but depression popped up in my mind when you were describing the lack of motivation and leaving things unfinished, until you mentioned it by name. That might be it. But still, seeking professional help is the right way to go about this.

 

Perhaps it is. Perhaps I never really beat it but it simply changed into something else. I do believe it is clear that professional assistance is the next step.

[RES]

5 hours ago, cn3wton said:

I now work at a job that I love

Reading this makes me very happy for you! 

[cn3wton]

18 hours ago, RES said:

Reading this makes me very happy for you! 

Thanks! Its good to see you as well.

 

The work I do is what I've always wanted to do and enjoy. And I have a position that allows me to do it. Its very strange.

 

I am pushing my own business and that will one day be my full time gig. But it actually makes me a bit sad that I may have to one day leave this job! Never able to say that before. At least not for a long time.

[cn3wton]

Revised the name of this battle log.

 

Its been with me so long I can't bare to let it go. Who knows if that's for better or worse, but I'm sticking with it.

 

Something I have always pushed myself to be is an overall better person. It may sound very generic, and perhaps it is, but a big part of my life is reflecting on my actions and owning them. I understand I am not perfect, I like everyone has demons.

 

One of my biggest flaws is my short temper, something I get from my father. Easily frustrated. I don't want that the shed poorly on my father of course. He's a great man and a great father. But as I said no one is perfect.

 

I have begun admitting when I have acted harshly, and even when I am not wholly in the wrong apologizing for my part in events. This is a fine line.  I obviously can't assume all blame like I have done in the past. Growing more assertive and comfortable speaking my mind is a newfound power over the last few years and it has served me well. Honestly to those outside of this forum this whole statement might take them way off guard. At work and around friends I am often the level headed one and very easygoing. Within more personal matters however I am quite different. And with my business.

 

Self reflection has always suited me quite well and aided me. Though over the past few years I have done it less frequently. I am now back at it and undergoing the process of understanding and caring for the person I have become.  Seeking to strengthen the new aspects of myself that I have gained that are beneficial. 

 

I just learned I have been a member of this community for nearly 8 years. On and off of course. But its incredible nonetheless. Heres to 8 more!

[Shello]

You've gone through a lot of changes.  I find it hard to keep up with fitnessing and other healthy habits during times of change.  I've also noticed that as my life has changed the old healthy habits just don't seem to work anymore and I can't stick to them.  It's all about moving forward with what keeps you motivated now.  I'm glad you're back and here's to 8 more years! 

[RES]

3 hours ago, cn3wton said:

Heres to 8 more!

[cn3wton]

2 hours ago, Shello said:

You've gone through a lot of changes.  I find it hard to keep up with fitnessing and other healthy habits during times of change.  I've also noticed that as my life has changed the old healthy habits just don't seem to work anymore and I can't stick to them.  It's all about moving forward with what keeps you motivated now.  I'm glad you're back and here's to 8 more years! 

Thanks!

 

 

13 minutes ago, RES said:

Hell yea!

[DarK_RaideR]

3 hours ago, cn3wton said:

Heres to 8 more!

Once you're in it, you're in it for life. It's even in the rules