cn3wton, Battle log of Ages

[cn3wton]

Hello everybody,

 

things are going alright. Did DDPYoga last friday at the gym with a friend. It was nice to have that kind of support. But I didn't do it once this week. Excuses where easy since I got home so late, and dont really have a good place to do yoga in my apartment. That is going to change this weekend. I will be cleaning up and moving things around. No more excuses to miss the workouts.

 

DDPYoga has been really fun (when I have done it). I really think its just what I need to get back in the groove. Its different from what I've done in the past, so I am not constantly comparing my performance to my old self. And I can do it at home if needed.

 

I need to get my food back on track. Thats all planned for this weekend.

 

I spoke with the spirit healer over the phone. And it was a little crazy the things she nailed about me without me saying much at all. Im interested to see what its all about the first week of june.

 

Anyways that is it for me for now. Have a good weekend!

[WhiteGhost]

On 5/17/2019 at 8:07 PM, cn3wton said:

I spoke with the spirit healer over the phone. And it was a little crazy the things she nailed about me without me saying much at all. Im interested to see what its all about the first week of june.

I've never heard of spiritual healers, so quite interested to hear how this goes  

[cn3wton]

On 5/19/2019 at 8:39 AM, WhiteGhost said:

I've never heard of spiritual healers, so quite interested to hear how this goes  

 

Never have I. I am quite skeptical but trying to keep an open mind at this point.

[cn3wton]

DDPYoga has not been going well. I have missed enough I am considering restarting the program. I got a lot of work done this weekend, but not my main goal of clearing a space for me to do yoga... I have to make that a priority.

 

Food is also not in a good place. I am going camping this weekend, I am going to make sure I am prepared to make good decisions. I will be running my smoker all weekend!

[cn3wton]

Got home late last night after going through the paperwork to buy an over under shotgun for sporting clays. Have been using my grandfathers single shot shotgun for awhile now, and I just don't want to keep putting so many shells through it. My background check is "on hold" so dont have it yet but it did succeed in making me 2 hours late getting home.

 

No DDPYoga again.

 

I think ive realized that I don't want to do these things. I don't want to eat better, I don't want to work out. And I don't know why I don't want to do these things. But the truth is I really dont have a choice. Its a really strange headspace, and it bothers me a little that I can't kick my ass into gear health wise.

 

Ill get there though.

 

Looking forward to the weekend for sure!

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

1 hour ago, cn3wton said:

I think ive realized that I don't want to do these things. I don't want to eat better, I don't want to work out. And I don't know why I don't want to do these things. But the truth is I really dont have a choice. Its a really strange headspace, and it bothers me a little that I can't kick my ass into gear health wise.

 

That's probably a deeper issue than just being tired of fitnessing and nutritioning. There's probably some self sabotage coming from somewhere in your past.

[cn3wton]

On 5/22/2019 at 8:57 AM, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

That's probably a deeper issue than just being tired of fitnessing and nutritioning. There's probably some self sabotage coming from somewhere in your past.

 

I agree definitely something wierd going on. Its very strange.

[cn3wton]

Last week was rough. Camping went ok. The dog was not having the tent. Kept jumping up on the walls trying to escape. Cute for a small dog, but with a 90lb Wiemaraner the possibility of him forcing his way through was very real. So I had to move my stuff into my parents camper. Was frustrating as I spent good money on the tent and had grand plans to go camping on my own with the dog in the tent.... Did set up my cooking stuff, and I brought a canopy that ended up saving my familys but since it rained all day, now 2 saturdays ago. I cooked brisket in ribs in the smoker. I made wings, but the lack of sleep led me to taking a snooze during the day that ended with me waking up hours after they where done. They where... ultra crispy? SOme people ate them and loved them still. The parts that where edible at least.

 

I ended up going home sunday and taking the dog and my grandma with me. Even though the dog was better in the camper it was still tough with him and I didnt sleep well at all, neither did my parents. So I helped them back up the stuff they would usually p ack the next day, so they could enjoy the night without having to worry about anything and be able to just leave at their leisure in the morning.

 

Well that was the plan anyways. I get a call at 11 at night that my grandmother who i brought home has the stomach bug, and since literally everyone in my family was away I was the only one who could help her. So I went over and it was a bad situation. Ill save you all the messy details, but I didnt get any sleep from 11pm to 9am. Thankfully my Aunt came home then and took over for me, I slept the rest of the day. Then I started hearing that everyone that went camping pretty much got it... So at first we thought it was food poisoning. BUt then it started to spread even more, so it must have been a bug. By some miracle I avoided getting it.

 

This past weekend was uneventful and lazy. Didnt really have the drive to do much of the things I should have... I did go to my mens book club on sunday though. That is always a good time, but I always feel a bit awkard. 90% of the people are from crossfit, something I haven't done in, is it 2 years now? And I often get uncomfortable during health related conversations ( of which many discussions are centered about) Just feel like the poster child for bad habits...

 

Got a message yesterday from the owner of the gym again urging me to come back and how everybody wants me there. I just can't do it financially, and I know if I said that he would cover me until I got back in order, but I just dont feel right doing that.

 

Some pettiness has started to sprout up at work that has royally pissed me off. So I've decided to focus solely on helping myself and my department. Again ill save you all the details, it has just been a bit frustrating.

 

Wow a lot of mostly negative shit huh? How about some positives. I'm reading a book called Atomic Habits (or something like that?) and I am trying to start settling in to some small positive habits. Which is something I had done before when I was actually healthy so thats good. Start chipping away at the bad and keeping things in perspective.

 

I meet with the spirit healer thursday at 430, im interested to see what comes from that ill be sure to fill you in.

 

I will say my new approach here to the forum is not quite as bad as it used to be. Im not "omg i forgot to post!" instead I am "hey i think I want to post something on the forum." I apologize if I come off as selfish for not ensuring I post on everybodies challenges and threads, but I have to take it slow for now.

 

Thanks for reading.

[WhiteGhost]

3 hours ago, cn3wton said:

I will say my new approach here to the forum is not quite as bad as it used to be. Im not "omg i forgot to post!" instead I am "hey i think I want to post something on the forum." I apologize if I come off as selfish for not ensuring I post on everybodies challenges and threads, but I have to take it slow for now.

No worries, we're always glad to see you whenever you stop by  

[Sloth the Enduring]

Maybe set up the tent in your house and let the dog get used to it.

[DarK_RaideR]

9 hours ago, Sloth the Enduring said:

Maybe set up the tent in your house and let the dog get used to it.

This is the kind of "it's crazy but might actually be legit as well" stuff I keep coming back to these forums for.

[cn3wton]

On 6/4/2019 at 11:41 AM, WhiteGhost said:

No worries, we're always glad to see you whenever you stop by  

 

Thanks!

 

On 6/4/2019 at 6:57 PM, Sloth the Enduring said:

Maybe set up the tent in your house and let the dog get used to it.

 

While it may not fit in my apartment, setting it up out on the lawn and trying it is a good idea! Maybe even spend a couple nights in it while im at it.

 

On 6/5/2019 at 4:16 AM, DarK_RaideR said:

This is the kind of "it's crazy but might actually be legit as well" stuff I keep coming back to these forums for.

 

Right?!?!?

[cn3wton]

A lot has happened since I last was here. A lot of positive things.

 

First of tonight I meet with the Spirit Healer, I will let you all know how that goes.

 

Secondly I recieved a text message from the owner of the crossfit gym I used to go to, again, urging me to get my shit together and that him, along with everybody at the gym was rooting for me and was there for me. I responded with a lot of excuses, that at the time felt reasonable reasons but looking back, not so much.

 

Well he called me out on my shit, and after a long talk I have decided to go back to crossfit, and seek his help with nutrition/life coaching. It is far beyond simple nutrition coaching, especially considering our relationship. I don't start until next tuesday, but he has already been texting me 3-4 times a day. He told me that he wouldn't give me a choice to succeed, and honestly thats what I need. I don't want to do the hard stuff right now, but I have to. He will make sure I do it, even if that means driving to my house and dragging me out of bed.

 

I am both terrified and excited lol.

 

On top of that I set up a game day saturday with a new D&D campaign saturday night, neither being things I have felt like doing in awhile. So I am excited about that. I have a tendency to go all in with things and commit to way too much, so I am trying to take it slow.

 

Thats it for now.

[RES]

7 hours ago, cn3wton said:

Well he called me out on my shit, and after a long talk I have decided to go back to crossfit, and seek his help with nutrition/life coaching. It is far beyond simple nutrition coaching, especially considering our relationship. I don't start until next tuesday, but he has already been texting me 3-4 times a day. He told me that he wouldn't give me a choice to succeed, and honestly thats what I need. I don't want to do the hard stuff right now, but I have to. He will make sure I do it, even if that means driving to my house and dragging me out of bed

This is honestly the greatest thing I think I've read today! Glad to hear it!

[cn3wton]

So as promised I will detail the whole Spirit Healer thing

 

I showed up on time, and sat down to meet with the woman who is the spirit healer. I instantly felt like she was someone I could talk to. And we spoke for a long time about a lot of different things and she asked a lot of hard questions. And honestly while she says I am not a therapist I felt a whole lot better just talking to her. She says she feels like I have a lot to offer people but I keep getting in my own way, which is one of many mini revelations I would say I had yesterday.

 

She also said she couldn't believe how hard I was on myself.

 

Then she used a little thingy to pick some flower essences to put in a little dropper with spring water and some other stuff. And I am suppossed to drop it 3 times on my tongue 3 times a day. 

 

I don't really know if I believe the whole thing, but I will say that I am willing to give it an honest shot and be open minded. So lets see where this goes!

[cn3wton]

Busy, fun, yet too short weekend.

 

Friday night I mowed and cooked steaks on the grill for myself, my father, and my grandmother. My mother was out of town with a friend.

 

Saturday I woke up early and got ready. Took the dog out for a short game of ball, then got ready for my Warhammer AOS day at a local library. Played from 10 to 2 against a guy who plays in a lot of tournaments. The game was close enough that I had a good time, and he isn't super strict and all that which is good. I made some silly mistakes but its all fun. I really have to paint my army. I like the idea of having a painted army, I have a lot of great ideas to do for the army, but actually sitting down and painting them is a whole other thing.

 

Then that night I ran the first adventure for a possibly new campaign for my friends that I think went extremely well. I had a general premise of what was going to happen. But instead of railroading everyone I used random dice rolls and circumstances to grow the story. I think it went over really well and weve got a great start to what I hope is a nice successful campaign.

 

Sunday was a bit of a lazy day. I woke up and played a bit with the dog. Then visited with my mother at breakfast. Then we decided to take the dog to the pet store to get his nails trimmed and get him some new toys. He HATED getting his nails done. Gotta figure something out with that. Then got him a bunch of toys and went home. Made a small stop for ice cream, but I also grabbed a rotisserie chicken for dinner.

 

My food has not been GREAT over the weekend. But not as bad as it could have been. Tomorrow marks the start of my real change. I don't know whats in store but I am both excited and nervous.

 

I am a bit unhappy with the level of interaction I have been having with my dog on the weekends these past couple months. I used to make a few hours about him. Going for a walk or run. But lately I have gotten out of the habit. I need to take him for a nice walk. Sure sitting outside with him and walking around the yard is alright, but its not the same. For both him and me a nice long walk or running in the woods would be a good thing.

 

On the spirit healing side of things I have continued taking the drops and have attempted to keep a certain view of myself and the world around me in my thoughts. I would like to say that the last few days have been enlightening accompanied by a monumental shift in my view of myself and the world, but instead I would say I had small tremors of that kind of state over the weekend that was quite enjoyable. A work in progress for sure.

 

For instance some "homework" i had was to do something called sand painting. The premise is that you create a circle in nature, then find items to place within the circle. Willing and negative thoughts, actions, etc to them and then leaving them behind. I started to get a bit frustrated as I did this because I had the dog with me. I came across some fallen sticks/branches that seemed to form a circle pretty much on their own. And i decided to give it a whirl. So I started walking around and picking up objects that, for whatever reason drew my eye. Maybe the light shown through the trees just right, or it was an odd object that seemed out of place. Regardless I gathered them. And of course the dog was extremely curious. And he promptly layed down in the circle and began gnawing on both the perimeter of the circle and the random objects from nature I placed within. At first i tried shooing him away and trying to remove the items. But then I decided I kinda liked the symbolism of it. He was helping in his own way. maybe.

 

Again I can't say that I fully 100% believe in all of this stuff. However I can say allowing yourself to be mindful of the way you think and view the world is powerful. And I definitely had some nice moments over the weekend.

 

I think that is about it for now. I will be seeing you all soon.

[cn3wton]

Yesterday was an absolutely aggravating day at work. I could go into the nitty gritty of it, but I have decided to try and stop dwelling on the negatives... It's really hard when you feel disrespected and purposefully removed from things that you should be involved in. But anyways I already spent all yesterday dwelling on it. Time to move on.

 

Tonight I officially begin my nutrition and life coaching. I will likely be going back to the gym tomorrow as well as part of that plan. I woke up this morning and had a bit of trouble getting up but still made myself get up early and at least read a bit then watch something on my phone with the lights on. Back in the day I would sleep until I had to leave then try to rush out the door. Thats not a good habit to be in.

 

Nutrition has been slowly going in the right direction. But admittedly yesterday I threw it all out the window and had pizza for lunch, which only made me feel even more pissed off. Funny how when things upset me, I force myself to do things that make me even worse off instead of trying to be better. All persepective I guess, feeling that the pizza would make me feel better, when instead focusing on nutrition and eating better would have been the real win.

 

Oh well, time to start a new day here at work. We will see how it goes.

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

Situations like that at work are really difficult. I get that you don't want to dwell on it, and that's helpful. I also want to let you know your feelings on the matter are valid.

[cn3wton]

I have officially begun nutrition coaching.

 

Yesterday I went to work expecting the worst. My boss came i and we talked for quite awhile. I put my thoughts out there, and for the most part hes in my corner and thats nice. While I still think hes a bit naive about how people behave here, its good to at least be heard and get my thoughts out there.

 

As a last hurrah I stupidly went and got 2 slices of pizza, a tea, and a brownie. Barely was able to eat the pizza and tried to eat the brownie. Then I realized what an idiot I was being and threw it out. So at least i didnt just keep eating like I used to.

 

The meeting with my coach was long and went well. Our relationship, I feel, has always been pretty close to friendship if not just that. He reiterated a lot of what the spirit healer had said (which was a little erie, i mean like verabtum). That I was worth it, that he felt I was a great person and had a lot to offer. And that if I wouldn't do this for myself, I should document my journey to help others. And that idea kind of clicked in my head. I like the idea of one day being able to help someone else, which is also something the spirit healer said.

 

We set a plan in motion that is as follows. I will be focusing on 4 aspects of my life, sleep, nutrition, exercise, and stress. With a specific minimum requirement for the day to accomplish each. It is tracked by a calendar, and each item is a side of a square. If I complete all sides then i can check that day as a total win. It doesn't have to be perfect every day but gives me a goal.

 

For sleep we set some goals and ground rules. Most of which I have already done since we read Why We Sleep in book club. So not much to worry abou there as I generally dont have an issue with sleep.

 

Nutrition wise my goal is to simply stick with intermittent fasting between 10-6 (which i have almost always done until I started going to Dunkin) and to conciously reduce sugar in my diet. Both are extremely easy for me to do. So I have kind of decided to put a bit of extra goals for myself here. I left the meeting and went and grabbed chicken which I cooked just how I always used to to have for lunch this week. My goal is to make things that are ok for me that I love. Maybe I will smoke some ribs friday. Sure they arent the best for me. But I make them with zero sugar, no sauce. Just spices. Thats a million times better than 2 slices of pizza a day! I also may make some smoked wings as well. And I need to up my veggie game. But that stuff will come.

 

I have a punch card for 10 days at the gym. My goals are to exercise twice a week minimum. Once doing DDPY at home on saturday morning, and on monday at 430 at the gym with my coach. I want to try to do the full fledged DDPY plan as well, but I know that if I jump in with grand plans to exercise every day I am either A)going to hurt myself or B miss a day and never go back. So I feel this is reasonable. Again all of these things are minimums.

 

For stress every night I will continue reading a bit, say something i am grateful for, say what i am working on, and say something kind I did that day. I may put it in my journal like I did last night, but I may not. I am approaching journaling much like this forum. I will do it when I can and feel driven too. If I dont I wont let it get me down.

 

I also have a morning routine, that is probably the scariest part of this. I get up, brush my teeth, but before doing that I am suppossed to say I am a healthy person doing what healthy people do. Then I need to get on the scale and send a picture of my feet on the scale to my coach. Then I need to take a picture of me without my shirt on and send that to him. This is extremely uncomfortable for me. I never like being seen without my shirt on. But I trust that he will never share it (without my permission) and its true. Having to take those pictures each morning helps me stay mindful of my choices. I have already seen the impact of it. And the scale every day thing, for me, is a non issue. I used to way myself morning and night when I lost wieght before. Because I was fascinated with how my body worked and how my weight fluctuated. I never let the number get me down, and I know I can get in that headspace again.

 

So yesterday as I said I got home and cooked the chicken, I have some sugar snap peas for veggies and I made some homemade iced tea to bring today to make sure I am drinking enough (i will finish off the bottle then refill it with water throughout the day). While the chicken was cooking I took the dog for a short walk then let him chew on a bone while I finished up.

 

I had given him this type of bone previously without issue. But this morning I woke up and heard him throw up while I was doing my routine. There where small pieces of the bone in there that obviously he couldn't digest... Im just glad he threw them up instead of them getting stuck in his guts. But now of course Im worried about him. Needless to say I threw that bone away and wont be getting him another one.

 

Thats it for now.

[cn3wton]

Yesterday was a great day. Nutrition on point, work went well walked the dog, cleaned the dishes and got part of my life in order on that front. 

 

Last night I woke up in the middle of the night with a crippling leg cramp that was agonizing. Im pretty good with pain but this was pretty bad (ive torn my ACL, minisiscus, etc) and this just hit me really hard. Maybe it was the surprise of the whole thing. Ryker jumped up on the bed and was licking my face, he could tell I was in pain. So thankful for that little guy. I still am extremely tender on that leg and its tight as heck, but I can walk. Gotta keep moving forward!

[cn3wton]

Hey all, Ryker had his surgery last Wednesday so have been busy corralling a rambunctious dog in a tiny apartment. Hes doing great and healing well thankfully.

 

Nutrition/Life coaching is going well. I am down only like 10lbs in about 2 weeks. But I am also not killing myself setting unrealistic diet and exercise goals. I am hoping to dial in nutrition this week, and will be going to the gym tomorrow.

 

Last tuesday the gym KILLED ME. It was rough but in the end was also great to get back at it. I have been moving around more and feeling a bit better.

 

However I do think my allergies or sinus problems are rearing their ugly head again... Once again I am stuffy and more tired than usual. Yesterday was a bit lazier of a day than I would have liked. But I did get some sporting clay shooting in with some friends. Shot my brand new over/under Stevens 555 and I was happy with it. Got 29/50. Which isnt bad with a new gun and considering how rarely I shoot.

 

Things a re looking better every day, and thats what counts!

[DarK_RaideR]

Glad to read a lot of good news and progress on your post. Wishing your dog a speedy recovery!

[cn3wton]

On 6/25/2019 at 5:26 AM, DarK_RaideR said:

Glad to read a lot of good news and progress on your post. Wishing your dog a speedy recovery!

 

Thanks man appreciate it!

[cn3wton]

The steady fall of my wieght continues. I am taking the nutrition transition slow, but its happening.

 

Went out tuesday morning to find the dog playing with a raccoon in his pen... so had to deal with that. He is recovering nicely from surgery, but has to now get a rabies booster on monday.

 

I finished reading David Goggins Cant Hurt Me. Was a great book that I really vibed with. It is part of... no mostly why this saturday morning I will be doing a 5k. I am not saying I am going to run the whole thing, or go for a record time. I am just going to finish it NO MATTER WHAT.

 

Thats about it for now.

[RES]

4 hours ago, cn3wton said:

I finished reading David Goggins Cant Hurt Me. Was a great book that I really vibed with. It is part of... no mostly why this saturday morning I will be doing a 5k. I am not saying I am going to run the whole thing, or go for a record time. I am just going to finish it NO MATTER WHAT.

I may have to check that out...

First place or last, it's the same distance! You've got this my friend!