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Bekah's Journey Step Nine: Being A Princess Is Not A Career Choice...wait...what?!?!


Bekah

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So I am back up to my highest weight ever :( I know at least several pounds of it are from inflammation and retaining water, but it still sucks. I have been having almost daily headaches (another mild one today...I think these last two are blood pressure related at least) and just feel like ass, mentally, emotionally and physically...but I amstill trying.

I did my bedtime routine yesterday, got up with J and walked for 30 min with him and Bubba, made eggs and toast for breakfast, did Savasana for about 10 min, folded laundry, organized two plastic bins, did my math workbook (score--16/18--88%) it was about inverse equations and the commutative property of addition, and I am going to do dishes and vacuum here shortly. I am really trying to not give up and just say eff it all, but It is hard. I just want to feel successful at something, and it feels like I suck at everything...parenting, cleaning, cooking, having a consistent yoga practice...all the things I want to do well, and I just don't. I mean ok, when it's just meand J, things go soooooo much more smoothly and easily, but thats not the life I have, and I need that calm, quiet, smooth existence to be somewhat functional and consistent...it makes me just want to quit...and then I feel like total shit because I cant handle parenting, even with J helping I suck at it, I just want them to sit down and shut up and never say anything or make any noise whatsoever....and they dont and I get irritated instantly bc of it and then J gets mad and irritated and it snowballs...and they try to be quiet, but its entirely against their normal processing so its hard for them, and I dont know how to work with competing neurological processes...so I am just always stressed and overwhelmed and irritated 24/7

Druid Assassin Halfling

:) Druid  :)

Level 16, Current Quest: Bekah Returns

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Your life does not get better by chance. It gets better by change.

- Jim Rohn

 

 

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If you don't mind me piping up…. I would say you need a gratitude practice. You can just say them in your head if you don't want to write them down. Get some new positive thought patterns going to help turn things around.  :love_heart:

 I want people piping in :) so thank you :) 

I should write them down, I actually have a "good things" jar on my counter, that I used to do that with, and I will start again! Thank you :) 

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Druid Assassin Halfling

:) Druid  :)

Level 16, Current Quest: Bekah Returns

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Your life does not get better by chance. It gets better by change.

- Jim Rohn

 

 

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Day 3:

1. Do my Math Workbook: One lesson per day 1/40

2. Modified Before Bed Routine: daily 2/40

3. Eat GFCF and do the Potatoes not Prozac Plan Step One: breakfast daily with protein 1/40

4. Yoga: 3x a week 15 minutes minimum (Savasana counts right now) 1/18

5. Gratitude Writings: 3 things per day 1/39

Today I had another headache, but it wasn't horrible and I was able to get everything accomplished that I wanted to. I even listened to my inner Flylady (I have followed her for so long her sayings are kinda ingrained, it's great when I actually listen to her) and only did 2 plastic bins worth of organization because I was going to burn out if I did more and I knew it. Stopping there allowed me to get everything done on my list, rather than just a couple of things :) I am not having any trouble sleeping right now, so I decided to change that goal to the gratitude writings, and see what that does. I am sure it wont hurt anything!

I am open to thoughts and suggestions and ideas on anything I say here, and I wont get pissed off or offended or anything, promise :)

Druid Assassin Halfling

:) Druid  :)

Level 16, Current Quest: Bekah Returns

Spoiler

 

Your life does not get better by chance. It gets better by change.

- Jim Rohn

 

 

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My Gratitudes for Wednesday--Day 3:

1. My Bubba :wub: He is a rescue and is completely blind (he has retinal degeneration) and is the most darling dog ever! I never thought I would be an animal person, but I LOVE him :)

imagejpg1_zps55f860a1.jpg

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2. That J is being so much better than before :)

3. That I am certain I don't want to die, even on my worst days :)

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Druid Assassin Halfling

:) Druid  :)

Level 16, Current Quest: Bekah Returns

Spoiler

 

Your life does not get better by chance. It gets better by change.

- Jim Rohn

 

 

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Muffin!!!  What a cute dog.  

 

There are a lot of us around here who are going to 'get it' when you have an off parenting day.  I mean, dang, that shit is hard.  Kids are hard.  Some days are good and some are bad.  Vent all you want and if I can come up with anything even vaguely useful, I will share.  No judgement, no offence!

 

Liberator seems like she has her shit together on that front, so I would listen to her!  

 

Do you listen to podcasts?  Nerd Parents is a favorite right now, might make you feel a bit more normal.  It's helpful for me to hear about other people having similar challenges and know that at the very least we share the 'nerd' part.

 

I commend anyone who ventures into doing math on purpose, so...you have me beat on that one.  If I had a challenge to do one page of math a day I would burn out right quick.  Or organize for that matter.  I did some very useful online quiz about my 'organizational style' and it was like 'you need hooks because otherwise you'll throw everything on the floor'.  Which is shockingly correct for an online quiz.  I suck.  I can tidy, I can deep clean, but I have an organizational deficiency.   

 

Also, I like your rug.  

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Level 3 - Person who doesn't really understand what stats are.  I know, you've explained it...

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Muffin!!!  What a cute dog.  

 

There are a lot of us around here who are going to 'get it' when you have an off parenting day.  I mean, dang, that shit is hard.  Kids are hard.  Some days are good and some are bad.  Vent all you want and if I can come up with anything even vaguely useful, I will share.  No judgement, no offence!

 

Liberator seems like she has her shit together on that front, so I would listen to her!  

 

Do you listen to podcasts?  Nerd Parents is a favorite right now, might make you feel a bit more normal.  It's helpful for me to hear about other people having similar challenges and know that at the very least we share the 'nerd' part.

 

I commend anyone who ventures into doing math on purpose, so...you have me beat on that one.  If I had a challenge to do one page of math a day I would burn out right quick.  Or organize for that matter.  I did some very useful online quiz about my 'organizational style' and it was like 'you need hooks because otherwise you'll throw everything on the floor'.  Which is shockingly correct for an online quiz.  I suck.  I can tidy, I can deep clean, but I have an organizational deficiency.   

 

Also, I like your rug.

I'm weird, cleaning and organizing are calming to me (in small doses or when its following an already set up system) and so is math, when its something I understand...anything with steps and a process is awesome :)

Where is this Quiz? I'm curious now! I am definitely going to check out Nerd Parents, I'm not a big podcaster, but if its amazing it might be worth it.

Druid Assassin Halfling

:) Druid  :)

Level 16, Current Quest: Bekah Returns

Spoiler

 

Your life does not get better by chance. It gets better by change.

- Jim Rohn

 

 

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Cute puppy!   :love_heart:

 

And organizing can be very calming to me as well.  It's probably something to do with my OCD.  Haha!

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Subbing...and accounting is not the same as say algebra....I can't do algebra to save my soul but will have a masters in accounting on Dec 8th :)

Ok, did you get an Accounting BA or no? What is the easiest and hardest parts of getting a Master's in Accounting, from your point of view?

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Druid Assassin Halfling

:) Druid  :)

Level 16, Current Quest: Bekah Returns

Spoiler

 

Your life does not get better by chance. It gets better by change.

- Jim Rohn

 

 

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Ok, did you get an Accounting BA or no? What is the easiest and hardest parts of getting a Master's in Accounting, from your point of view?

I have an AA and BS in Accounting, hardest part of getting the masters is time, and when I have to write...give me a spreadsheet any day, just do not make me ever write another APA formatting again!!

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RES...and I want to live days worth dying for

Current: RES: CRUSTED is the only acronym I can come up with for this

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I have an AA and BS in Accounting, hardest part of getting the masters is time, and when I have to write...give me a spreadsheet any day, just do not make me ever write another APA formatting again!!

I have to do a zillion pre reqs in lieu of a BS in Accounting (like 12 classes or so) and then start the MAcc. but the writing will be the easiest part :)

In your opinion, why choose an MAcc vs an MBA with an Accounting focus? I was unsure which would be better and why.

Druid Assassin Halfling

:) Druid  :)

Level 16, Current Quest: Bekah Returns

Spoiler

 

Your life does not get better by chance. It gets better by change.

- Jim Rohn

 

 

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Day 11 (Thursday August 7th):

1. Do my Math Workbook: One lesson per day 3/33

2. Modified Before Bed Routine: daily 3/33
3. Eat GFCF and do the Potatoes not Prozac Plan Step One: breakfast daily with protein 3/33
4. Yoga: 3x a week 15 minutes minimum (Savasana counts right now) 1/15
5.Gratitudes: 3 per day 2/31

Very Productive Day. Did math and ate breakfast and did just about everything I set out to do today :) 

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Druid Assassin Halfling

:) Druid  :)

Level 16, Current Quest: Bekah Returns

Spoiler

 

Your life does not get better by chance. It gets better by change.

- Jim Rohn

 

 

Link to comment

Day 11 (Thursday August 7th):

1. Do my Math Workbook: One lesson per day 3/33

2. Modified Before Bed Routine: daily 3/33

3. Eat GFCF and do the Potatoes not Prozac Plan Step One: breakfast daily with protein 3/33

4. Yoga: 3x a week 15 minutes minimum (Savasana counts right now) 1/15

5.Gratitudes: 3 per day 2/31

Very Productive Day. Did math and ate breakfast and did just about everything I set out to do today :) 

 

See, you're DOING it!

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I have chosen to believe in myself.


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Day 12-14 (Aug. 8-10):

1. Do my Math Workbook: One lesson per day 3/33

2. Modified Before Bed Routine: daily 5/33
3. Eat GFCF and do the Potatoes not Prozac Plan Step One: breakfast daily with protein 5/33
4. Yoga: 3x a week 15 minutes minimum (Savasana counts right now) 2/15
5.Gratitudes: 3 per day 5/31

 

I had 2 appointments on Friday, school shopping and cleaning and laundry on Saturday and well...Sunday I just want to fucking relax. Although I can eke out yoga and math today, and the gratitudes, well....I just forgot, so I will do them here and now :) 

Gratitudes:

Friday--

1. I am grateful that I could afford to pay for the extra costs for JJ's glasses for school

2. I am grateful that I don't have to walk to all my appointments and have transportation when its this damn hot

3. I am grateful that Bubba was healthy, I was kinda freaking out about heartworms, because well...I was....but he is fine :) 

 

Saturday--

1. I am grateful that my daughter is openminded about spirituality and parapsychology

2. I am grateful that I got my bedroom rug on sale for $20 that I have wanted for almost 2 years and waited for to get cheaper :)

3. I am grateful that we are done with school shopping. 

 

said rug: 

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Sunday--

1. I am grateful for Flylady, I feel like I am getting somewhere with cleaning around here now

2. I am grateful for my crock pot, because I am making an awesome pot roast for dinner with almost zero real cooking

3. I am grateful that I no longer respond to guilt/manipulation by my mother

 

I am reading a really good book that I am learning so much from, it makes me happy :) It's about balancing your Chakras with Yoga

 

I also read another article today, which gave me another reason to want to be more positive in general, and get healthy to be "attractive"! LOL! It was about how people view other's and how appearance influences people's views and how your personality influences your facial expressions and how that influences people's view of you as well. 

 

Why the look on your face may matter more than what you say

 

Now I am going to read all your challenges and catch up :) 
 

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Druid Assassin Halfling

:) Druid  :)

Level 16, Current Quest: Bekah Returns

Spoiler

 

Your life does not get better by chance. It gets better by change.

- Jim Rohn

 

 

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Doctor appointment today :(

Apparently I have high blood pressure. They gave me Lisinopril :( She said I need to lose weight, which wasn't the least bit obvious :P

I hate taking meds. Soooo now I am a bit more motivated to lose weight faster, but it's a goddamn lot of work and I just don't want the stress, but I dont want to be dead either.

Druid Assassin Halfling

:) Druid  :)

Level 16, Current Quest: Bekah Returns

Spoiler

 

Your life does not get better by chance. It gets better by change.

- Jim Rohn

 

 

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You will be fine!

But there is a lot of work ahead, so it is important to:

 

  1. Start now:  You did awesome
  2. Go on: You did awesome
  3. Fall on your nose: You probably did.
  4. Step up again: You are a f*ucking princess! You stood up so fast, nobody noticed you were down, right?
  5. Be awesome!

Always remember: Whatever drags you down. A princess doesn't fall. Head up, smile, rock!

 

Do you know Princess Bride?

Can you spie up a post from me with princess bride stuff?

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Fate whispers to the warrior: "You cannot withstand the storm."

 The warrior whispers back:
 "
I am the storm."

 

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