the dork within

[victoryislife]

Hi Everyone, 

 

I joined this community just a couple days ago and it seems like a fun mix of geekiness and health. I've always been a really awkward lady and was never very physically talented or athletic. That was of course, until I discovered circus a year and a half ago. It's a world where my social ineptitude is accepted by other lovely people who are sometimes even stranger than myself. I've been struggling to overcome this life-long feeling that their is something "wrong" with me and have slowly working towards accomplishing dozens of little goals that at one time seemed impossible (splits, straddle climbs, ankle hangs, handstands, etc). 

 

In school, I was the fun one to tease. The other kids' jokes were confusing and hurtful to me, which made it even more fun for them. I was a bit of a dirty kid, with crooked bangs, gaps in my teeth, and a tendency to monologue. 

 

I'm still that person in many ways. I love hang out at the comic book shop and teach my 8th grade students to play Magic: The Gathering. I've become obsessed (or uh, dedicated) to fitness and it shows. I'm turning heads in my bodycon Starfleet uniform and am competing in an NGA bikini competition this fall. 

 

All those voices and insecurities still haunt me, though. I've put myself through college, live in a really nice neighborhood, am married to a sexy trapeze artist/IT guy, and have a career I love, but still struggle with a basic sense of self-worth. It seems like all the exercise, eating clean, studying, working, and keeping a tidy home will not diminish the feeling that their is something inherently bad about me. 

 

Still, I will go on, looking for relief and getting a little sexier with every pull up. 

 

and cats.... cats take away sadness. 

 

[starsapart]

Wow, you seem to be pretty awesome from where I'm standing!  I think we have a fair number of things in common actually, though I am only now eyeing circus arts (hopefully late this year!!!!!) as something to get into.

 

Cats do take away sadness.  Always.

 

 

And I know all about fighting for feelings of self-worth... even when you look to the rest of the world like you have your life all figured out, sometimes it's so hard to love yourself!  I fight this battle every day.....

 

In any case, welcome!  If and when you make a battle log or challenge thread or anything of that nature, I would love to follow you.  Again, I'd love to get up in the air sometime soon (ahhhhhhhhhhhhh, aerial silks are calling my naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaame) and take my dancing to a whole new level - literally!

 

I hope you find what you seek here.  This community is wonderful.

[Svella]

I completely understand where you are coming from .. I have this same feeling everyday, but I'm trying to get rid of it.

 

Each and everyone is unique and there's nothing wrong with who you are and the things you like.. Maybe we were just hanging out with the wrong people?

 

Here, have some kitties to feel better:

 

[House]

Welcome to the forum!

 

I know that I personally fall into the same boat that you do, as I too was that awkward kid in high school. 

 

But nevermoar! 

 

Welcome again!

[victoryislife]

Aw, thanks you guys. I feel welcomed already! This seems like a really supportive community of kindred spirits. Starsapart, I hope that you get to take circus classes soon. It's really delightful and empowering to watch yourself grow.