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Wow, so much work, trying to be the cop to your parents. I hope you come to a good decision about what kind of balance would be the most healthy for you.

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Wow, so much work, trying to be the cop to your parents. I hope you come to a good decision about what kind of balance would be the most healthy for you.

 

Thank you. I think at the very least the new boundaries will be that I'm not alone with either or both of them. Group functions will be fine. I don't think I want them in my home. It's all rather messy, but I need to decide so I can move forward and live a freer and safer life.

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Fun writing! I'm glad you seem to be having fun with that.  :)

 

Thanks! i'm really getting back into it. Heidi even suggested I go to get a Master's in Creative writing. If I keep hanging out here, I'll end up with a PhD in writing!

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W3 D4

 

eat:

carrot larabar and water

steak, mashed potatoes and gravy, zucchini and squash, bread and butter, and water *Lunch with my boy! -- he has a girlfriend!!**

tuna salad sandwich on pumpernickel with mayo, and water

 

workout/BW:

many stairs!

dog walk

 

home/write:

hung pictures on the wall, finally!! When I got home, I just refused to sit down and went right to it. I hung 6 pictures, 2 posters, and my Marine Corps flag. I need to fold and put away clothes before bed tonight and it will be a successful home day!

Writing: later tonight, or in the morning.

 

Had a cancer follow-up appt today. Mass miscommunication and a doctor who couldn't stop saying, 'if the VA can't do it, you can always come here.' Shut up bee-otch! Don't insult things you know nothing about, thank you very much. Geez.

 

Decent day, but not good really. Except my lunch with my boy!! Awesome!!

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Seconding NaNoWriMo. I'd do it this year but I'm dedicating myself to Dragon Age: Inquisition instead. :lol: But it really challenges you just to write. No editing as you go along, no second guessing anything, just write. I actually managed to get most of the way through my novel by the end of it (and yes, I won, even with an unfinished novel because it's completely, 100% about word count rather than anything else), which is more than what I would have if I hadn't since I'm a horrible self-editor and second-guesser. I keep telling myself I want to go back and rewrite it since my main character changed halfway through, but in the middle of NaNoWriMo, it's not something you can really do, and it's fantastic. Depending on where you live, you can even join in on community activities etc. :)

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W3 D4

eat:

carrot larabar and water

steak, mashed potatoes and gravy, zucchini and squash, bread and butter, and water *Lunch with my boy! -- he has a girlfriend!!**

tuna salad sandwich on pumpernickel with mayo, and water

workout/BW:

many stairs!

dog walk

home/write:

hung pictures on the wall, finally!! When I got home, I just refused to sit down and went right to it. I hung 6 pictures, 2 posters, and my Marine Corps flag. I need to fold and put away clothes before bed tonight and it will be a successful home day!

Writing: later tonight, or in the morning.

Had a cancer follow-up appt today. Mass miscommunication and a doctor who couldn't stop saying, 'if the VA can't do it, you can always come here.' Shut up bee-otch! Don't insult things you know nothing about, thank you very much. Geez.

Decent day, but not good really. Except my lunch with my boy!! Awesome!!

This sounds like a pretty good day to me! Hanging pictures, tasty food, lots of stairs, sounds good!

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

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This sounds like a pretty good day to me! Hanging pictures, tasty food, lots of stairs, sounds good!

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

 

It was okay as I was able to keeping swimming with a meh mood. So it's in the plus column, just not with a smiley face next to it!

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It was okay as I was able to keeping swimming with a meh mood. So it's in the plus column, just not with a smiley face next to it!

Hey, some days just don't come with smiley faces. Sounds like you didn't let the meh mood steal the day from you.  

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W3 D5

 

eat:

1/2 pound of chicken cutlets with bbq sauce and water

3 fork fulls of tuna fish and water

chicken and onion bbq pizza and water

 

workout/BW:

rowing -- 5 mins (mod to vig)

Lat pulldown -- 100# 3x5

Squat -- 85# 1x5, 80# 2x5

Bench -- 85# 1x3, 80# 1x3, 75# 1x5

Inverted row -- waist height 3x5

Run -- 1 minute at 5.5 - 5.7 mph

Reverse fly -- 30# 1x5, 40# 1x5, 35# 1x5

Box Jump -- 10" 3x5

Skip jump -- 4x15' raised toe flexed up

Mobility work -- calves, shins, hams, quads, shoulder/neck/back

 

Walk -- 2.3 miles at a moderate pace

 

home/writing:

got rid of clothes I didn't want anymore -- it felt good to get rid of pants that were too big and shirts that were too big or that I didn't like how the fit me. I'll drop those off at the second hand store on my way to my friend's house tomorrow morning.

 

I also went through a bunch of photos and chose several to have printed and framed for my walls that are still blank.

 

***  I saw several pictures of my parents and at first I avoided them. Later I looked at them and wondered how I really felt. There were good times, even recently, but they all came with a price. Even if I was in a good place and not taking in the crap, I was still taking it in under my own radar. I think that's why the anger has gotten so intense. I kept shoving it down and out of view so I could spend time with my parents. Hope has been really high and my expectations, though 80% of the time never met, continued to play second fiddle to my hope.

 

But the time has come to let go of the hope that they'll change. I need to give up the expectations of having stable, healthy parents. They are not capable of being parents unless it's in emergency mode and even then it's kinda iffy. I don't want to punish them for being incapable, but I refuse to pay the price for their incompetence. I don't have to suffer for their shortcomings. And I won't, not anymore. I'm going to write them a letter and let them know that they can write to me and let me know whatever they want to tell me. After I get a response from them, I will decide on the level of exposure I am willing to except.

 

So long as they aren't total douchebags about being called on their shit, I'm going with - no physical contact, never alone, but in groups is fine. They will get one chance to screw up. I will tell them as close to in the moment as I can, telling them what went wrong and that it can't happen again. The second time they mess up, I'm done visiting them. They can write me letters, but no phone calls and no in person activities. If we are with family, I won't spend time with them, I'll keep my distance. That will be hard as I'm fairly certain the family will want to FIX the problem. But I'll deal with that when and if it comes about.

 

I'm going to write a rough draft and then let it sit for a day or two and then look at it again. If it's good, I'll send it. If not, I may call my therapist and see what advice she may have for me.

 

 

Today was:

It was a decent day overall. I got to catch up with my ex on the walk which was nice. We were chatting about Ben and his new girlfriend of course. We also talked about my writing and her theatre. Nice time.

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W3 D6

 

eat:

blueberry larabar and water

pepperoni and ham pizza and water

chicken quesadilla with lettuce, pinto beans, tomatoes, cucumbers, onion, fresh cut jalapenos (hot!) and some sour cream, and water

 

workout/BW:

tracking through wet clay to see a friend's new home (well the basement and ground floor sub floor) and back through the suck you down into hell mud every time we had to leave her house. 8 times total

 

home/write:

nothing -- socializing with a friend

 

I'm doing alright today. Plenty of giggles with my friend. Good quesadilla and lots of water. Picked out colors for the bedroom, bath and living space of her brother's which will be on the top floor. Got through a hard level on a game. And generally didn't worry too much about anything.

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I hate misreading people. Internet relationships are hard to understand sometimes.

If I've ever been unclear on these threads, I apologize.

Thank you all for being supportive and positive. I will be back this evening. I'm watching footie with a friend. Arsenal fans are using flares so there's a delay. Let's play!!

Cheers

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Next installment of short story...

 

Heritredies Tieridie

 

Heri realizes that her companion is less and less engaged with the present moment. The Lieutenant's com switch is off so she has no way to get his attention without making noise. She decides it's not worth it. She tries to focus on the scene on the bulkhead. The lights are strange to her. The grid was obviously some kind of schematic of the area. She looks to try and find where she might be located within the matrix of lines, nodules, and beacon lights. Everything is glowing green and red. It seems a bit archaic to her, but perhaps the green marks the way to get to the control panel. Her goal in all this. The control panel had the only memory slots available to take up the encryption she wanted to load and put in a sleep mode for later in the plan.

The lieutenant isn't wavering in his internal world so now is the only time she might have. She extracts the drive nodule and starts to strip the code off gently. The glue they used was hard to take off in one fell swoop, but that's exactly what needs to happen if she's going to replace it with another code. The thin strip hangs up on some invisible snag. She holds her breath. Don't you dare tear! She threatens inanimate objects all the time, but this doesn't feel any more potent of a threat than ever before. She glances at the Lieutenant, then back to the business at hand. Come on! Be good to mama, damn it. She tugs the piece in a new direction, toward the stronger side. It tears. She swears to herself and buries the nodule back in her pocket. Why did I think this was the best way? Oh Mosley.

 

The panel is blocked by her silhouette. Ridie creeps closer, eyeing the old man in the opposite corner. His bulk is very still, but quite alive with an exaggerated breathing pattern. She smoothly closes the distance and stands up in order to see over the girl's shoulder. Even at this distance it is clear the girl has no clue what she is looking at. Ridie slides her knife from her shirt sheath and angles toward the old man. Dispatching him would be the wisest move. The girl may make horrendous noises, but no one is likely to discern their location in time. They were quite helpful getting her this far, but enough is enough. She has plenty of tube to go before her target will be accessible to her knife.

Ridie crouches behind the old man deep in his own shadow. How can this man be completely unaware? I'm good, but hells. She counts his ribs in her mind, deciding on the quickest, quietest thrust. She decides, but gets distracted by the girl's subtle but obvious frustration. She glances to her, but closes her eyes immediately as the girl looks toward the man. A three count and she opens up one eye. The girl is back to her task, but it doesn't seem like she's doing anything with the wall information. Ridie matches her breathing with the man's and tries to decipher the girl's actions. She's got something in her hand, but it's too small to get a real description. The girl, in even more frustration, shoves the object in her pocket. Ridie makes an unconventional decision and slides back the way she came, giving them room. The man stirs a bit and Ridie thanks a moon or two for her instincts. He turns, seemingly stiff, and waves to the girl. She motions to her ear. Ridie can see her mouth moving, but hardly any sound reaches her. Coms. Great.  They converse, but Ridie gets no clues as to the discussion. She sits back and waits. And why are you distracted by a girl right now? You're on a job! Damn it, T.

 

'Sir, are you ready to move?' Heri speaks clearly into the mic but doesn't face him. The Lieutenant's comment is garbled, but the distain is clear. She tells him about the green lines and explains her estimation of the next leg of the journey. He shrugs and heads in the direction she points. Heri stretches her left leg before stepping out behind the man. She pauses and refocuses her heart. It was an odd feeling. She has been in extremely tense situations before but this is different. Danger seems so much closer. But how is that possible? No one comes down these tubes, the dirt on her hands and knees is proof enough. She shakes her head and heads out again.

 

Ridie holds her breath when the girl stops short and doesn't move. You got damn well too close, T! Stupid. Cute or not, she's the enemy remember!?  But the girl starts forward again, letting Ridie breath once again. She glances at the lights when she goes by it and shakes her head in dismay. They are going in the same direction. And, it is way too possible that they are both headed for the control box. This day just gets better and better.

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Absitively, posilutely adore your stories! (I want a novel now)

And sorry to hear about your parents~ You're allowed to be frustrated and in my opinion, your decision to write them a letter is the bestest! (If they so much as say something or hurt you again—stand up and walk away for good but don't get angry because they're parents after all)

I hope you clear up the bad things from your life soon!

Life is all about the ups and downs. The good, bad and the ugly; these are the things that make us humans but where do you focus your life on is entirely up to you!

HAVE A SPECTACULAR YOLO LIFE, MUM! You deserve it!

This message was convincingly brought to you by, "my imaginative brain" and my "nimble but bulbous fingers".

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From my end, I can surely say that your fictional daughter (that's me, hi!) is proud of you!

This message was convincingly brought to you by, "my imaginative brain" and my "nimble but bulbous fingers".

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From my end, I can surely say that your fictional daughter (that's me, hi!) is proud of you!

This message was convincingly brought to you by, "my imaginative brain" and my "nimble but bulbous fingers".

Awww, thank you. I'm glad to be able to be here for you. And you for me.

I'm figuring it out. Slowly, but surely.

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Awww, thank you. I'm glad to be able to be here for you. And you for me.

I'm figuring it out. Slowly, but surely.

I know you'll make the right choice in the end but we're here for you, just in case you get confused.

This message was convincingly brought to you by, "my imaginative brain" and my "nimble but bulbous fingers".

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W3 D7

 

eat:

blueberry scone and water

something I can't remember for lunch with water

margherita pizza and water

 

workout/BW:

nothing

 

home/writing:

see above for writing

home stuff nothing

 

tired but a decent day none-the-less

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Great process and boundaries with the parents.

I am now ¡Two¡ story installments behind. I'll catch up soon. I want to savor them with tea.

via smoke signals from my Fire

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Great process and boundaries with the parents.

I am now ¡Two¡ story installments behind. I'll catch up soon. I want to savor them with tea.

via smoke signals from my Fire

 

Yes, you do that. I expect you to be comfy, relaxed, and chillin'

lol

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First 3 weeks update

 

New Food and Cooking events -- 

I got a little distracted, but I am doing alright so far. I've done 8 out of 21 days.

 

Gym/Workout times -- 

Doing pretty well here, but need to get and stick to a schedule again. I've done 7 out of 18 days.

 

Body weight practice --

I have to give myself decent credit as I've done more than I thought I would do by far. I've done 11 out of 21 days.

 

Home --

I wish this was better. I'm think there's so psychological stuff happening inside the parent issue that's being expressed through the lack of caring for my space. I've done 4 out of 21 days.

 

Writing --

New goal set in place to help support my home goal. Going really well. I've done 7 out of 12 days!!

 

 

Feeling okay overall. I want the home cleaning and organizing to pick up big time. I have the next few days free so I'm hoping to put some of this desire into action!

Okay week 4, here I am!!

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