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raptron

Raptron Hits Where it Hurts

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I'm so sorry that happened. But like you said, you did the appropriate research before, tried your best to make it work, but it just wasn't the right fit. It's commendable you thought of everyone with your decision.

And, yes, don't scrap your goals! Good call! I hope the hand is healing! <3

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Oh, that's rough. I'm sorry. :( It sounds like you made the responsible decision, though.

Make sure the cat's bite wound really is a small one. Lots of times with dog bites, it's like an iceberg--looks like not much on the surface, but there can be some significant damage underneath.

Thanks, sylph. We're keeping an eye on it, but he let us clean it up and palpitate around it without much response, so I'm relatively sure it's as shallow as it looks, thankfully. It's on a small fold of belly skin, of which he has quite a bit -- slippery cat! 

 

I'm so sorry that happened. But like you said, you did the appropriate research before, tried your best to make it work, but it just wasn't the right fit. It's commendable you thought of everyone with your decision.

And, yes, don't scrap your goals! Good call! I hope the hand is healing! <3

Thanks for the kind words. Hand is healing up pretty well.  Slight bit of inflammation around one of the deeper parts, but I'm slathering it with antibiotic cream on the regular, so hopefully it'll be fine.

 

<3

Thanks for all your help in this. <3

 

Ow I'm so sorry :( two days of wallowing seems more than fair really.. 

Crap! That really sucks. 

*hugs*

It's the worst. *hugs*

 

5.1

In line with a running gag at the gym, my big goal yesterday was to win 90% of the battle by making it to gymnastics last night. (#justshowup for November Project folks.) I did make it there, very low energy and low enthusiasm, but I tumbled a decent amount. Then I went to working on layouts on the tumble strip to resi mat -- then said fuck it and attempted front layout full twists. I wasn't able to land them, but the 360 twist was completed on each of them, which is definitely a step in the right direction. Then, lots of standing backs and standing fronts, both of which are improving significantly. Not much beyond that, but a decent workout for just making myself go. 

 

Caught up with my weekend's missed 100-day burpee challenge burpees for a total of 60 yesterday as well.

 

Hips: 1/1

Lungs: --

Gut: 1/1

Mind: Getting out of the house was good for me last night. And in line with everything else and a repeat motif in the world of working out, most of the time, you won't regret it if you #justshowup. 

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5.2

OHP + deadlifts feeling a bit weak today, but got through the sets.

 

Warm-up row 500m in 1:55

OHP

5 x 45#

5 x 45#

3 x 50#

5 x 60#

5 x 65#

5 x 70#

2 x 70# <-- extra because mad at only 5 on a 5+ rep day

3 x 65# <-- ^^

 

Deadlifts

5 x 85#

5 x 115#

3 x 135#

5 x 145#

5 x 170#

5 x 190#

1 x 190# <-- same mad as OHP

 

Glute ham raises: 12, 12, 12

P-bar dips: 5, 5, 5

Leg lifts: 20, 20, 20

Oblique leg lifts: 10, 10, 10

Burpees: 11, 11

 

Cooldown 500m row in 2:08

 

People I spent some of the weekend with are getting hit with bronchitis and other fun illnesses. I woke up this morning with a tender throat and some coughing. Crossing my fingers that I can fight it off before it turns into something full-blown, but not very confident in my ability to beat it off right now.

 

Hips: 2/2

Lungs: 1/1

Gut: 2/2

Mind: I feel a little better about my gym performance yesterday now that I'm getting hit with some serious fatigue and body fatigue with this possible infection. If my body's fighting attackers, it can't very well channel all of its efforts into picking things up and putting them down. Also deadlifts made my hand ooze, so maybe it's a good thing they're only once a week right now?

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Sorry about your dog! I know that's a really tough decision, but sounds like it was definitely the right one! He will find the right home and you will eventually find the right fit (are you going to look for another?).

Yay so much gymnastics!!!

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Hand ooze sounds... not good.

 

 

Hope your immune system kicks some butt and gets you back to healthy ASAP

Hand ooze was just me being excessively colorful. There's just a puncture on the top of my hand that's definitely the worst of it and gets a bit agitated from too much hand flexion/pressure. It is the only part of bite I have any concerns about, really.

 

Sorry about your dog! I know that's a really tough decision, but sounds like it was definitely the right one! He will find the right home and you will eventually find the right fit (are you going to look for another?).

Yay so much gymnastics!!!

We are going to look eventually, but probably not until next summer. We got the news that our landlord is going to sell the house in the spring and we want to make sure we can find a nice place that allows dogs/cats and get settled in before we try to introduce another dog into the house and have to move soon after.

 

Oh no. I hope you're not getting sick. I was really struggling with strength-related frustration right before I got sick. That said, I hope it doesn't hit you too hard! 

 

Hope the hand oozing stops oozing soon. :)

 

I think I crossed the line from getting sick into sick during the work day, unfortunately. My neck lymph nodes have blown up, swallowing has gotten tricky, and the throat frog is growing and growing. I've switched over to my aggressive tea and hydration regimen. I WILL TEA IT AWAY.

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Have you ever done a manual lymph node massage? I always do it right when I'm starting to get sick. Semi-related: I also tend to get swollen nodes under my arms after a day wearing an underwire bra. My mom's the same way. 

 

Anyway, when I start to feel sick/sore throat/cough, I try to drain from my head down (here's an example). And I usually will do some deep breathing, which is supposed to get the nodes in the belly working.

 

All it takes is a light touch, and I find it really relaxing. I often find myself doing the ones at the clavicle (while sitting at my desk thinking, sitting at stop lights, etc.). It's a light touch, more like a skin stretch, and I swear it helps me feel better (and relaxed).

 

Since it sounds like you're already sick, it might not do much. And if it's not your thing, pretend I didn't say anything! 

 

Get to feeling better. I agree with tea and hydration as solutions, too! 

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Bostonians, always appropriating tea for ulterior motives. Why can't you just enjoy the tea?

/sigh

I just like things to have more than one function, GOSH.

 

Have you ever done a manual lymph node massage? I always do it right when I'm starting to get sick. Semi-related: I also tend to get swollen nodes under my arms after a day wearing an underwire bra. My mom's the same way. 

 

Anyway, when I start to feel sick/sore throat/cough, I try to drain from my head down (here's an example). And I usually will do some deep breathing, which is supposed to get the nodes in the belly working.

 

All it takes is a light touch, and I find it really relaxing. I often find myself doing the ones at the clavicle (while sitting at my desk thinking, sitting at stop lights, etc.). It's a light touch, more like a skin stretch, and I swear it helps me feel better (and relaxed).

 

Since it sounds like you're already sick, it might not do much. And if it's not your thing, pretend I didn't say anything! 

 

Get to feeling better. I agree with tea and hydration as solutions, too! 

I have not heard of anything like this before, but I had some downtime after work and followed the instructions on the link you posted. I'm not sure how helpful it was as I was absolutely already in the express lane to Sick Town, but I find it very relaxing. Thank you for that. :)

 

Day 5.3

Hey, it's a rest day, gross. I did not order lots of beers at the bar after work, so hooray for sometimes having a modicum of self-control.

 

Hips: 2/2

Lungs: 1/1

Gut: 3/3

Mind: "Hey, I thought we were going to find more time for yoga? Why didn't we do yoga yesterday? You should have at least done a quick video or two, it would have felt really nice and you might even feel a bit better today." <--- My thoughts about yesterday's rest day. These are not helpful thoughts. Sure, I might have enjoyed and reaped benefits from from some extra activity, especially something relaxing like yoga, but you know what? I didn't do it. I hadn't even considered doing it until this morning, and that's okay. Next time, girl. 

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I just like things to have more than one function, GOSH.

 

I have not heard of anything like this before, but I had some downtime after work and followed the instructions on the link you posted. I'm not sure how helpful it was as I was absolutely already in the express lane to Sick Town, but I find it very relaxing. Thank you for that. :)

 

Day 5.3

Hey, it's a rest day, gross. I did not order lots of beers at the bar after work, so hooray for sometimes having a modicum of self-control.

 

Hips: 2/2

Lungs: 1/1

Gut: 3/3

Mind: "Hey, I thought we were going to find more time for yoga? Why didn't we do yoga yesterday? You should have at least done a quick video or two, it would have felt really nice and you might even feel a bit better today." <--- My thoughts about yesterday's rest day. These are not helpful thoughts. Sure, I might have enjoyed and reaped benefits from from some extra activity, especially something relaxing like yoga, but you know what? I didn't do it. I hadn't even considered doing it until this morning, and that's okay. Next time, girl. 

 

I feel a little embarrassed to admit it, but I do the clavicle one at work when I'm stressed. I used to have a security blanket when I was a kid (and sucked my thumb, also kind of a security blanket). And I feel like this has become my new security blanket. I am a little afraid someone will catch me doing it. Haha. :) 

 

I hope you get to feeling better, and hopefully your mind will come around and respect your rest day! :) 

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Wow I am such a jerk and somehow only just found your challenge now :(  I must have missed so much gymnastics awesomeness!

 

I am really sorry about your dog/cat situation.  That sounds awful, I would be really wallow-y about it as well.  But good for you for thinking everything through thoroughly and making a responsible decision.  I hope your hand is healing up well!  Also great job keeping the forward momentum despite all of this :)

 

Alsoooo hope your sickness goes away!

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I feel a little embarrassed to admit it, but I do the clavicle one at work when I'm stressed. I used to have a security blanket when I was a kid (and sucked my thumb, also kind of a security blanket). And I feel like this has become my new security blanket. I am a little afraid someone will catch me doing it. Haha. :)

 

I hope you get to feeling better, and hopefully your mind will come around and respect your rest day! :)

Could definitely be caught doing FAR more embarrassing things, hehe. Thanks, lovely. ;)

 

Wow I am such a jerk and somehow only just found your challenge now :(  I must have missed so much gymnastics awesomeness!

 

I am really sorry about your dog/cat situation.  That sounds awful, I would be really wallow-y about it as well.  But good for you for thinking everything through thoroughly and making a responsible decision.  I hope your hand is healing up well!  Also great job keeping the forward momentum despite all of this :)

 

Alsoooo hope your sickness goes away!

The hand is healing up really well. Sickness is not, but that's okay. It's just energy sapping more than UGH I CAN'T DO ANYTHING levels. 

 

Day 5.4

Didn't want to get anyone sick, so Thursday night I skipped gymnastics and stayed home again. Boring, boring.

 

Hips: 2/2

Lungs: 1/1

Gut: 4/4

Mind: Spreading germs is bad. Sickness happens. It is okay and does not RUIN THE PROCESS, but just delays things a bit.

 

Day 5.5

Worked from home on Friday with the sicks. Low energy. Took a nap at the end of the day, woke up feeling bleh and made myself go to the gym to shake myself out of it and center myself before spending the next 5 hours baking cookies for a charity event.

 

Warm-up row 500m 1:59.

Bench

8 x 45#

5 x 55#

3 x 65#

5 x 75#

5 x 85#

7 x 95# 

5 x 85# <-- extra sets for funsies/volume

5 x 65# <-- ^

 

Turkish get-ups with the 8kg KB: 7, 7, 7

Burpees: 12, 13

Handstand PUs (half reps): 7, 7, 7

Pike diamond PUs: 10, 10, 10

 

I really like TGUs. The 8kg feels pretty light for them, but I think our next step up is 12kg and my grip would probably give me issues before anything else. Maybe I'll try for one or two with the 12kg and then do the rest with the 8? We'll see next Friday.

 

Cooldown row 500m 2:06

 

Hips: 3/3

Lungs: 2/2

Gut: 5/5

Mind: I like diversifying these days a bit. The one lift per workout days of bench and squat are programmed to be that way, but finding different accessories changes things up and also helps me feel like the time going to the gym is spent on something more than just ONE LIFT.

 

Day 5.6

Nothing like gymnastics practice to take you from "Oh, I feel okay" to "Ugh, how 2 breathe" in 10 seconds flat. Only floor work and tumbling for an hour and a half and I felt like I was going to keel over. SERIOUSLY good improvement on my front handspring front tucks, so maybe the second front tuck that I've been chasing for months might be coming soon. Soon meaning, in the next 4-5 months. Yay, skill-based progression!

 

I also scheduled myself a bit of a crazy day: wake up early, go to store to pick up last minute things for the cookie bake-off, frost 6 dozen cookies, pack everything up, gymnastics, volunteering at a harvest beer + food festival for 5 hours, and then actually head to the cookie bake-off. I made it more exciting to walk between everything on top of the rest. LOTS OF TIME ON MY FEET, WOOO. I planned around these two events so the only food I ate was cookies and fest food (short rib sammie, mac and cheese, bluefish rillettes, Taza chocolate, BEERS) and I have no idea how I would even go about counting it. Safe to say, I definitely went over my limit, but I had 100% planned on that.

 

Hips: 4/4

Lungs: 2/2

Gut: 5/6

Mind: This was a process-oriented workout for gymnastics, even if it was short and mostly consisted of me hanging out in the corner trying to catch my breath. Second up in the "mind" aspect of the challenge, I think I've lost some of the keen "eye-on-the-prize" focus I had going on in the first three weeks with regards to the diet side of things. I will try to renew that focus for the last 7 days of the challenge and see how it goes. 

 

Day 5.7

Sunday funday squats

Warm-up row 500m in 2:02 -- cardio is fatiguing me hard.

Squats

5 x 45#

5 x 85#

5 x 115#

3 x 135#

5 x 135#

5 x 160#

9 x 180#

5 x 155# <-- extra for funsies

5 x 135# <-- "" with a 3-second pause in hole for MORE funsies

 

Some guys I haven't seen in a while were working out at the gym today, one of whom coaches a couple of powerlifters. I was a little embarrassed because they've been around plenty of times before when I was working weight like this throughout the past 10 months and my numbers haven't gone anywhere (injury, training for GORUCK, a slow re-loading process, and now a new program), but they were both just very supportive and glad to see I was lifting at all. Also form compliments, which was nice because I've been really paranoid about hyperextension in my back on both squats and deadlifts lately. 

 

Pistols: 5, 5, 5

Burpees: 15, 15, 13, 10

Hip flexor kicks and stuff

Ab wheel rollouts: 8, 8, 8 (<--- how do you not say WHEEE when you do these?)

 

Cooldown row 500m 2:09 of pure struggle.

 

Did not run. My feet are tender from yesterday and I just... didn't. I can't seem to find a good way to incentivize running for myself and I'm apparently not disciplined enough to just get up and go it seems.

 

Hips: 5/5

Lungs: 3/4

Gut: 6/7 <-- on track today and should be fine

Mind:

I'm not sure when it happened, but sometime in my life, I decided that TRYING REALLY HARD was not something I was interested in. Now this might sound horrible, but I wasn't putting a ban on effort -- no, there was just a certain threshold of effort beyond which I decided there were not only diminishing returns, but a level of desperation that I didn't want to go to. That usually translated for me to academics -- A- is a good level of trying, but if I have to spend lots and lots of time and energy to bump that up to an A? Nope. Not worth it. Eventually, it seeped into other aspects of life. Exercise? Ugh, that is clearly TRYING. And I didn't want to be associated with people TRYING too hard to be fit or trying too hard to be thin or trying too hard for no reason that I could discern at all. I didn't get exercise for the sake of exercise. Eventually my threshold of what was "trying too hard" just kept getting lower and lower until anyone TRYING at all was a tryhard. At some point, I realized that my chronic dismissal of "trying too hard" was really just a way to shelter myself from failure -- if I spent SO MUCH TIME and SO MUCH ENERGY on something and it didn't work out... I didn't want to deal with that kind of failure. 

 

Sometime in the past year of working out pretty regularly, I've realized that TRYING IS PART OF THE PROCESS. Even if you don't make that end goal, even if you fail, it's not "good that you tried" but the very act of training to achieve something already MADE YOU BETTER, even if you don't get your hands around that final goal. 

 

I've stopped making fun of trying. I've tried to embrace it. Every so often, I get a little voice in my head "why are you trying to do this? you don't like this!it isn't fun and it's getting you nowhere." I still give into that voice more than I should, especially with running, but I've come a long way from dismissing any level of effort at all. 

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Great workouts! I love TGU's too.  Love what you said about learning that trying is part of the process and the very act of training to achieve made you better. Doing the challenges has really begun to help me learn that. Though it seems i'm a slow learner, because I frequently have to relearn it when I get frustrated at myself when I don't think I'm making the end goal as fast as I should. ;) 

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Great workouts! I love TGU's too.  Love what you said about learning that trying is part of the process and the very act of training to achieve made you better. Doing the challenges has really begun to help me learn that. Though it seems i'm a slow learner, because I frequently have to relearn it when I get frustrated at myself when I don't think I'm making the end goal as fast as I should. ;) 

So much re-educating on my end too. It's so much easier to get frustrated with ourselves than sit back and look at the bigger picture. Keeping the challenge-scope in mind has definitely been helpful, but you still get that nagging "well, you SHOULD have been able to do that LAST challenge" sometimes. Oh well. We're fighting the battle against our own negative Nancies! 

 

(Little late, but...) Yay tumbling progression!! So exciting! Love it when things feel good!!!

SERIOUSLY. Can't they just feel good all the time? :D

 

I realized I did a massive update, but no summary.

 

Week 5 Summary

Weak Spot #1: Hip conditioning after each workout --  5/5

*Five workouts, five hip conditioning sequences.  EZ.

 

Weak Spot #2: Row 500m before and after each gym workout + run 1 mile -- 3/4

*Muscled my way through the rowing but skipped the run because my feet hurt, my chest cold probably wouldn't have liked it, aaaand really, ultimate reason #1: I REALLY DID NOT WANT TO. Stop being a petulant child about running, little Raptron. It's just a mile. You will be good and do your run this week!

 

Weak Spot #3: 200 calories within goal each day and within 500 calories of weekly goal -- 6/7 + PASS

*The Cookie fest and Harvest fest day on Saturday was far beyond the window of acceptability for one day, but I had a pretty significant deficit throughout the week and quick math suggests my week still passed with regards to my weekly goal. Weight is still up from last weekend and Saturday of this week, but hoping the final measurements + pic at the end of the challenge will show something for the last six weeks of mostly good compliance with a couple of dark spots.

 

Weak Spot #4: Daily reflection and 1 gymnastics workout focused on process -- 7/7 + 1/1

*My reflections weren't POSTED daily, but they were definitely part of my thought process throughout the week. Counting Saturday's practice as being process-focused, even if the process was a narrow scope on tumbling. 

 

22/24 = 91.6%

 

Edit: Here are the many cookies I made -- Raspberry double chocolate pie bars, miso buttercream chocolate chip, and lime pepita sugar cookies. The lime-pepitas were amazing!

 

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They were pretty good, but not competition winners, unfortunately. THEY ARE STILL WINNERS IN MY HEART. <3

 

Day 6.1

Was very, very, very precariously close to not going to gymnastics last night. I was tired and grumpy and convinced I would not have a very good workout, so I might as well just go home and nap. Plus, my oven is finally fixed, so I was jazzed about the idea of getting to roast something for dinner instead of eating leftovers when I got home after practice.

 

I shelved those excuses for another day and just went. It was not a great workout, but it was probably better than napping? Tumbling was rough, but I put time in on bars for the first time in a while -- and realized that was probably a good thing because I was having trouble getting my right middle finger to fit in my grip because of lingering bite damage/bruising/swelling of the top joint. Also did a cursory amount of balance beam work, and my conditioning. 

 

It was not a great practice, but it was a practice. Also, I really do not recommend doing 3/4 tuck jumps on beam when you have quad DOMS from hell. I'm pretty sure I almost flinched myself off the beam from the unexpected yowza while trying to twist and still LAND on the beam. Do not recommend. 

 

Hips: 1/1

Lungs: --

Gut: 1/1

Mind: Week six will be a winner because I say so. I AM DOING POSITIVE THINKING OR SOMETHING RIGHT NOW. #justshowup 

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It will ALSO be awesome because you are WONDERFUL and have A GREAT ATTITUDE!

 

I say you should make Mike high-5 you out the door this week. :)

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They were pretty good, but not competition winners, unfortunately. THEY ARE STILL WINNERS IN MY HEART. <3

 

 

And in your stomach, I would hope!

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/snip

 

I'm not sure when it happened, but sometime in my life, I decided that TRYING REALLY HARD was not something I was interested in. Now this might sound horrible, but I wasn't putting a ban on effort -- no, there was just a certain threshold of effort beyond which I decided there were not only diminishing returns, but a level of desperation that I didn't want to go to. That usually translated for me to academics -- A- is a good level of trying, but if I have to spend lots and lots of time and energy to bump that up to an A? Nope. Not worth it. Eventually, it seeped into other aspects of life. Exercise? Ugh, that is clearly TRYING. And I didn't want to be associated with people TRYING too hard to be fit or trying too hard to be thin or trying too hard for no reason that I could discern at all. I didn't get exercise for the sake of exercise. Eventually my threshold of what was "trying too hard" just kept getting lower and lower until anyone TRYING at all was a tryhard. At some point, I realized that my chronic dismissal of "trying too hard" was really just a way to shelter myself from failure -- if I spent SO MUCH TIME and SO MUCH ENERGY on something and it didn't work out... I didn't want to deal with that kind of failure. 

 

Sometime in the past year of working out pretty regularly, I've realized that TRYING IS PART OF THE PROCESS. Even if you don't make that end goal, even if you fail, it's not "good that you tried" but the very act of training to achieve something already MADE YOU BETTER, even if you don't get your hands around that final goal. 

 

I've stopped making fun of trying. I've tried to embrace it. Every so often, I get a little voice in my head "why are you trying to do this? you don't like this!it isn't fun and it's getting you nowhere." I still give into that voice more than I should, especially with running, but I've come a long way from dismissing any level of effort at all. 

This is often an overlooked piece. Trying is success in it's own right, it's just not ALL the success that's out there.

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It will ALSO be awesome because you are WONDERFUL and have A GREAT ATTITUDE!

 

I say you should make Mike high-5 you out the door this week. :)

Haha, I should.

 

And in your stomach, I would hope!

Oh, definitely. For "tasting purposes" of course.

 

This is often an overlooked piece. Trying is success in it's own right, it's just not ALL the success that's out there.

:)

 

Day 6.2

3+ day for OHP and deadlifts. Still sick, but still plugging along. 

 

Warm-up row? Oh no, the one rower is occupied and the guy is going foreverrrr! 1.5 mile bike instead for warm-up.

OHP

5 x 45#

5 x 45#

3 x 50#

3 x 55#

3 x 65#

5 x 70#

4 x 70#

5 x 65#

 

Deadlift

5 x 85#

5 x 115#

3 x 135#

3 x 155#

3 x 180#

4 x 200#

1 x 200#

3 x 185#

 

Dips: 5, 5, 5

Leg lifts: 20, 20, 20

Oblique leg lifts: 10, 10, 10

Burpees: 14, 15

 

Yoga class for an hour at my gym. It was the first time I had actually gone to one of the yoga classes offered at my gym because I was never really 100% on when they started and generally just like to work out and get the hell out of there, but it was starting right as I finished up my bw accessories. Generally a pretty relaxing class, mostly focused on hip and shoulder stretching from what I could tell. My hips really, really needed it. The instructor was really nice and noticed when I wasn't squaring off properly, which is something I have trouble with sometimes. I'll definitely start adding this in on days when it works out with my lifting schedule and I'm not super busy. Tuesdays are already a bit long because I'm doing two lifts instead of one, but I dropped glute ham raises and pull-ups yesterday because of some funky feelings in my left hamstring and left shoulder, so I had plenty of time.

 

Grudgingly did my cooldown row after yoga 500m 2:01. Damn youuuu, rower!

 

Hips: 2/2

Lungs: 1/1

Gut: 2/2

Mind: Yoga really places a lot of emphasis on listening to your body. You've got to pay attention to what your body is DOING in all sports, but in yoga, you have the time, the state of mind, and really are encouraged to listen to what your body is saying, to make subtle corrections in posture and positioning, to adjust slowly and monitor how it feels after you make those adjustments. I like that. 

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I'm so impressed with your workouts, despite being sick. I think this is week three after I officially am not "sick" anymore (no more fever) and am still struggling with my workouts. I attribute it to being old. ;) OK, no seriously, I don't know what it is. Too much head down stuff in yoga starts to make my heart race and I start to feel sick. I do still have a cough, so I'm assuming it's a congestion thing. Running (my runs are super short) is actually the easiest, strangely, even though I still have a cough. Well, during it's the easiest. I usually have a coughing fit after. Haha.

 

Also, the thing I love about yoga is once I figured out what "the edge" is, I feel like I'm more in tune with whether I'm pushing hard enough or too hard. Especially once I respected that my "edge" is about 1,000 feet back from other people's edge. "Hey guys, I'm back here!" Hahah! But, yes, I love how in tune it makes me with my body, and how it forces my brain to slooooooooooooooooow down. Something I struggle with. Whereas lifting, by contrast, is kind of letting go of thinking some and feeling like I'm a bit more impulsive or risky (even though I'm really not - my my brain is what limits me when I lift. So I have to really focus on telling my brain to shut it, this is what we're doing.)

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