Tsune of RisenPhoenix

[RisenPhoenix]

So yesterday was kind of eating like an asshole day, but with nothing overly bad.  But I was starving all day, so when I got home I kept eating.  My "worst" offenders were a Quest bar and a pint of Halo Top ice cream.  Which yea, is a boat load of calories between the two, but I had been feeling miserable enough that I didn't quite care.  Ended up at 2400 calories at the end of the day.  Weighing myself this morning, I expected a huge balloon of weight.... and instead was 205.5#.  And a quick measurement of my gut came in at 36.5-36.75".  So hi there, screwy body image and mental perception, how are you doing?

 

Trying still to eat better today, if only since tomorrow is a Christmas party with a long list of goodies I will devour.

 

I'm also trying to think forward into the new year on goals and plans.  I know I definitely want to push to get under 200#.  I've been saying that for years now.  Time to put up or shut up.  I'm also thinking of rescheduling a bit of my life, and how I can fit things in a bit more.  At the moment, I think it may be waking up at 5-5:30 every day, and working out MWF mornings, plus evening aikido.  But I'm not entirely sure that I wouldn't burn out that way.  I don't really know.  Debating not having a challenge at the start of the new year, and just use this to document my thoughts and plans, if only for consistency.

 

Dunno.  Thoughts percolating.

[chammy]

Weighing myself this morning, I expected a huge balloon of weight.... and instead was 205.5#.  And a quick measurement of my gut came in at 36.5-36.75".  So hi there, screwy body image and mental perception, how are you doing?

 

I'm also trying to think forward into the new year on goals and plans.  I know I definitely want to push to get under 200#.  I've been saying that for years now.  Time to put up or shut up.  

 

Dear RP,

 

I say this entirely in love, support, and friendship.

 

Consider setting aside the "be under 200" goal for a while. 

 

As someone who unintentionally bulked and cut this year, the best thing I did was NOT FOCUS ON MY WEIGHT. I tracked and recorded it, but I did not (totally) beat myself up about it.

 

I focused on consistency and habit building, and I feel that the results speak for themselves. I'm stronger, more flexible, and have more endurance than I did a year ago, and I'm the same (or slightly higher) weight at this point. I have less fat and more muscle. I MIGHT have gone up a pant size while I was gaining weight, if I actually wore something other than elastic. 

 

Giant pictures in the spoiler section:

December 2014 (152lb):

 

December 2015 (154lb):

 

 

2015 Stat Chart:

 

Traps (for reals, look at these things):

 

I eat A LOT AND ALL THE TIME. You are an active individual! It is critical to feed your body for those activities so it can GROW MUSCLE. 

 

If you can afford it, try getting a few months of nutrition consulting. Worst case scenario it doesn't work and you're only out a few hundred bucks. Best case scenario is that you outsource the hard-thinking part of food to someone else and you're able to make progress. Having a coach for food is no less valuable than having a coach (or sensei) for training.

 

I'd like to reiterate that I love you, and support just about any life decision you could make. I just can't hold back the frustration I feel when I see you struggling to achieve what I feel is an arbitrary numbers goal and continuing to starve/binge/injure yourself any longer.

 

[Mistr]

I hear you on wanting to reach a goal that you have been working towards for such a long time. Even if the goal is arbitrary based on an archaic measurement system. I also agree with chammy that focusing on weight can be counterproductive.

 

How about this: continue your hard cut until you are under 200 lbs for a couple weeks. See how you feel in everyday life and in your training. If you like it, great - stay at that maintenance level. If not, work on eating for performance and train hard.

[AgentsSka]

I do have something to say here.

 

So, when I joined this here forum nearly 4 years ago... (jeesh), one of my main goals for getting in shape was to look better naked.  Everyone wants to.  Some of my early posts on here discussed wanting to drop X lbs.  I had some success with that as my focal point.  But, it wasn't really until I found other goals that I wanted to strive for and focus on that the weight thing... or the looking better naked thing really started falling into place.

 

For me, obviously, it has been race-related goals.  Everything I've done has been to push my body to do something better than the last time, or to a point it hasn't gone before.  The byproduct of the focus on performance... and training for those performance goals was that I was/am making my body stronger and faster.  And, I'm fueling my body for those goals.  I know that I have to eat balanced and healthy to keep me going.  I know how my body feels after a week of eating poorly vs. how it feels when I'm on task.

 

The scale is not something I step on daily anymore.  Hell, I haven't even been stepping on it monthly lately.  Because that number doesn't mean anything to me anymore.  The answer to whether I can run x miles at z speed matters.  The answer to whether I can do y reps of w exercise matters.  And, because I keep raising those goals, the body comes along for the ride.

 

It's a difficult mental hurdle to clear - letting go of the scale.  But, you can do it if you have something else to focus on.

 

Obviously, you have your aikido goals.  But, I'd suggest finding some other performance based goals that you can strive for.  Something that you can really focus in on and make part of your life.  

 

 

And, whether that is a Spartan Race or a 400lb deadlift you are going for, if you focus on it and work your ass off to obtain it two things will happen:

1.  You will achieve that goal.

2.  Your body will get into the shape it needs to achieve that goal.

 

That might mean your body dips below the Mendoza Line.  Or, it might mean that your body settles in above it because that's what it needs to do to perform at the level you are pushing it to.

 

Reframe your mind, and it can help reduce some of the stress you are putting on yourself.

[AgentsSka]

But, don't take it from me.  Listen to someone you actually respect:

 

 

Didn't realize how far I'd come until I watched my playground workout video from 3 years ago. 40+ lbs and a few extra silver hairs later, here we are!

Because you see yourself every day, the changes aren't apparent unless you have photos or stats to compare. Day to day, changes are so small that you don't see them and it's easy to get impatient or discouraged. Instead of asking "am I there yet?", know that you never really arrive. Put your faith in the process, and find a diet and workout plan that you can sustain permanently. It's not a diet, it just IS.

Three years ago, I thought in terms of sprints: 30-60 day bulks and then cuts, etc. progress despite going ALL IN, progress was minimal and I got injured frequently. For the past two years, it's been a slow steady grind of a diet and workout plan that is now normal. No start/stop/sprint/bulk/cut.

As for the workout and diet, a steady dose of squats, deadlifts, pistol squats, push ups, pull ups, dips, rows, presses, and ring work. 4 training days a week for an hour. No cardio. Tiny incremental progress (I bring 1/2 lb. plates with me to the gym so my lifts are often only 1 lb. heavier than last week). Lots of chicken, rice, and broccoli. 1 scoop of protein post workout, sometimes a tiny bit of creatine, and lots of sleep.

Thanks to my friend/virtual coach@anthonymychal who helped me buy into the slow-cooker process and keep me injury free through all of it. Onward and upward.

[RisenPhoenix]

Has Excellent Advice

 

Also Has Excellent Advice

 

Runs Way To Damned Much But Has Good Advice I Guess Even If He Used A Sports Reference That I Had To Google

 

Hokay, where to start.  How about here.

 

 

I fucking love you all.

 

 

Here's my general response.

 

I, for the first time in a long, long time, actually feel like I can get under 200#, and probably reach my goal of 16~18% Bodyfat.  This time last year I was hovering around 215~220.  This morning I was 204.8#.  I haven't actually felt this good and this positive about my ability to change my weight since I first started here.  I've more or less embraced intermittent fasting during the work week, and it has done wonders for me.  Yes, I have days where I ravenously eat more (hello Wednesday morning, how is the Tribe?), but even these days I'm feeling much less conflicted about that happening.  Hell, last night I ate cake at the dojo and was mostly okay with it.  Day before I had a brownie before class, and was totally okay with it. (Carb fueling.  Totally okay with that.)

 

The next thing is, I'm not nearly as physically active as people think I am these days.  Yes, I'm at the dojo 4-5 days a week.  Yes, I run Stairs on Wednesday.  But for the last 3 months or so, that's been it.  That's all my stress-and-anxiety addled brain could handle.  Yoga occasionally in the mornings or weekend if I skipped aikido.  Some hikes on the weekends (last hike I did was Halloween).  So diet is really the only thing I can focus on as a method to manage my weight.  And in some instances, yes, I bork things up with the food, eat too little, and my performance suffers.  Last week on the mat was one such time.  Stairs take a lot out of me, and they always take a big hit when I'm eating a deficit.... but I'm pretty sure I PRed yesterday anyway (or really close to it).

 

Which leads to performance goals.  Literally the only performance goal I have right now is "Get to First Kyu."  All other performance goals right now are on the wayside.  At best it would be hitting a Stadium PR of 37 sections in sub-40 minutes, and given the season, the chances of that lessen as potential snow fall hits (though seriously, estimates of it suppose to be 65F on Xmas?  WTF?).  But between injuries and stress, I really can only focus on aikido.  Now, when things settle down, I'm more-or-less fully healed physically, yes, I want to start picking up lifting again.  I may even start iaido, because that shit was damned fun.  But over all, my performance goals are always going to be centered on an art that focuses less on physical ability, which is where a lot of my issues lie - hell, since I stopped lifting I've been told my aikido is better because I'm less prone to muscling my way through things.  So I also get to balance that 'problem'.

 

 

 

Yes, I focus a lot on my weight.  But that's also because I know I have the ability to get to where I want, and getting there will give me a better base to build up from.  It's required a lot of refocusing and aiming.  Earlier this year had the "do everything, don't care about food" attitude, and that backfired big time.  I'm sure the stress I'm feeling because of work also hasn't been helping.  And when I complain here, it's because it's one of the few safe spaces I can do that in - I've suddenly found myself to be the office "Athletic Guy" and I honestly have a hard time trying to get that through my brain.  I'm a huge dork, and seriously can pack away food without thinking about it, and that kind of keeps me in a mental space of being afraid of gaining all my weight back.  I know it's a stupid mental hiccup.  Doesn't mean it doesn't influence a lot of my life.

 

But, I'm slowly accepting going out again with friends and shrugging off the occasional treat.  Of not totally starving when I do some IF (and actually enjoying it).  Of being able to swing back from falling off the wagon in a (mostly) healthy manner.  Those are all my wins, and they all deal with food.  Okay, my relationship with food isn't the best.  But it's getting better.  Physical ability wise, I'm almost where I want to be.  I could be a bit more bendy.  Some newer self-care things are going to address that, I think.  But for now, I'm content with my goals and abilities. 

 

Dunno.  I'm rambling now.  You're all awesome and have very valid points.  I'm just a stubborn ass.

[Mistr]

You have a good understanding of how you got to where you are now and where you want to go. You also have a lot of experience from trying different things so you have a pretty good idea on how to reach your goals.

 

The aikido one is easy. Just keep training and you will get there. Food issues are tough. I struggle with them too, so I don't have any advice for you. It sounds like you are on a path that is working. I may copy some of your strategies next challenge.

[RisenPhoenix]

Well, my major parties for the holidays are done.  I just need to get through family stuff now.  As of Saturday morning, I was 205#, while this morning was 207.  Not a horrible flux, and probably will drop off quickly.

 

Plan is to be semi-strict until I leave for the holiday.  Quite doable, as I suspect minimal snacks at work to appear.

 

I didn't move much this weekend.  Spent Saturday-day in a hermiting mode.  Saturday night was the party (fun, but exhausting).  Sunday was spent playing Fallout and recuperating.

 

Next 3 days will be aikido each night (I think, our holiday schedule may mean no class Wednesday night), plus Stairs on Wednesday morning (and I have plots for that run).

 

Saturday night I also got a massage.  The guy's response while massaging me pretty much was a constant "Dude, What the HELL!?!"  Crazy knots in my legs, back, shoulders.  Took 40 minutes working on my back to get things even.  Another 30 minutes or so working on my left hamstring.  And all the while yelling at me to stretch more.  And telling me to come back soon.  Wish I could.  Probably going to finagle a better budget starting next month to see if I can squeeze in at least an hour massage a month.  I've been doing/needing the 90 minute ones, but that's an extra 60 bucks I'd have to spend each time, and I don't think I can cut corners that much more right now.

 

Now, I need to plot a way to make sure green things are on my family's table for Xmas dinner.  Because otherwise there will be nothing.

[sarakingdom]

So your next challenge, I presume, is going to be about stretching and foam rolling.  How's your foam rolling skill?  I hear that's pretty good on the "can't get a massage as often as I like but have knots" problem.

 

Good luck on the green thing quest.

[RisenPhoenix]

So your next challenge, I presume, is going to be about stretching and foam rolling.  How's your foam rolling skill?  I hear that's pretty good on the "can't get a massage as often as I like but have knots" problem.

 

Good luck on the green thing quest.

 

I think the next challenge for me will still be mostly self care.  I am debating getting a foam roller just to have one at the dojo.  I'm more likely to use it there than at home, so I think giving one to the dojo is a fair thing to do.  But really, I need to see what format they are going to have for the next challenge before I can make any plans.  I know it's shorter on the idea that it'll help building habits, but there are few habits that I actually need to build these days.  Just a matter of staying the course for me.

 

As for the green quest, I was going to do green beans.  Apparently that's already on the docket for my parents, so I can either do the green beans myself, or something else.  I believe I need to plot with my aunt now.  I could do roasted sprouts, but I don't think my mother's oven will be open.  Or at least, not have enough space for the sprouts I would need to make.  Dunno.

 

Also, my debate on how to maybe get moving forward on my lifting again took an interesting turn.  Starting writing a thread to get some feedback, and got this:

 

First and foremost - Yes, clearly this isn't going to be efficient.  Hell, it may even be a waste of time.  But for the nearish future my goal isn't Da Gainz as much as dropping my weight to under 200# and really getting to play with a barbell again.  I miss it after having stopped 4 months ago because of a brokenish hand and a more broken body.

 

So, small backstory as to why I can only do 1 day a week, so I can avoid the "If you want to do this you'll make time" nay sayers:  I'm a Monk.  I'm spending between 10-13 hours a week at my dojo (about 7 hours of that is class time training, the rest is warming up, light practice with people, or just general BSing).  So to try and get 3 lift session a week, I'd have to drop some classes in the evening, which is not an acceptable trade (again, Monk, not a Warrior).  And to compound that, yes, I could wake up early in the morning.  Previously I have done that.  But some work issues have made it shown that I need to prioritize sleep, so early mornings are out.  Which leaves weekends as my only chance to do things.

 

Brings us to the question.

 

Should I just do a basic Starting Strength Squats/Bench Press/OHP/Deads once a week?  Clearly the gainz are not a goal here, just movement and fun.  But at the same time, I really do want to try and keep myself balanced.  So if I were to do this, what accessory work should I do?  I's assume some pullups/chin ups, but beyond that, I honestly have very view ideas.  Unless I want to dip into the things I was doing for 5/3/1 accessory work.  Which could work really well, now that I think of it.  I'm writing this an answering my own damned question.  Just going to stop now and post this in my Battle Log so people can see me being silly.

 

So I pretty much answered my own questions.  I'll need to sit down and figure things out a bit more concretely, but that'll probably be just before the next challenge.  Four lifting days in January I think I can do.  I'm just trying to figure out how to do the OHP/Bench press alternation that would normally go in to the SS routine.  And need to accept how DOMSy I'll feel.  But, if I lift in the morning before aikido, then I can stretch at the dojo.  Unless I also decide to take up iaido, in which case who the hell knows what my schedule will look like.

 

Thoughts and plans, my friends.  Thoughts and plans.

[RisenPhoenix]

Hope those who celebrate had a nice holiday.  I survived and didn't murder anyone.  Which is a damned Christmas miracle, as far as I'm concerned.  Best part of the weekend was being able to hijack my parent's cable and binge watch the newest Doctor Who series.  Which was FANTASTIC, by the way.  I was pleased, and freaking adore Capaldi as the Doctor.  I'm curious to see where he'll go after this season.

 

Food was absolutely terrible the entire time I was away, I got way too many junk food gifts (I have yet to determine if these will be thrown away wholesale or just brought to work and I'll ignore them), and by and large I didn't care until I stepped on the scale this morning.

 

I know.  Really bad idea.

 

So it's probably a good thing that I read this email from Anthony Mychal (aka, the guy who programs for Steve):

 

On Monday, I promised you an article about being able to tell whether or not you're losing muscle or losing fat. I started writing it and it turned into a beast of an article...a lot meatier than I expected and I couldn't finish in time. 

 

...but I'm kind of glad I couldn't. Because for most of us, it's the holiday time and I, for one, promote taking some mental health days around the holidays and forgetting about fitness for the most part. 

 

I'll get you that article next week. But for now I want to talk about something else. (And let you in on a little gift if you missed it the first time around.) 

 

Now is about the time when you see articles with headlines that go something like...

 

How to not get fat during the holidays

How to minimize the damage from holiday eating

 

Et cetera...

 

I'm reminded of a time I was roaming the streets of New York with Brad Pilon, Jason Ferrugia, Adam Bornstein, and others...and all we cared about was getting to a place that sold donut ice cream sandwiches. 

 

You can't get fat in one day. 

 

You can appear fatter in one day, but this is mostly due to fluid + water retention. In other words, you're more bloated than a chick on her period. 

 

But that goes away in a few days if you return to normal behavior.

 

It's one thing to ingest a sentence like this...You can't get fat overnight. But it's another thing to digest the sentence.

 

So here's a model to chew on...

 

Consider two environments: Mediocristan, Extremistan.

 

Mediocristan = no one instance or short term event can greatly unbalance the scale.

 

Extremistan = one instance or a short term event can unbalance the scale.

 

So imagine if you had a job, worked twelve hour days, and got paid by the hour...and there was absolutely no way of making more money on the side and no prospects of a raise. Your income would be mediocristan. 

 

No single day would make or break your income. Get sick? Can't work? Alright. You aren't going to go poor from missing one day of work. Likewise, you can work like a dog for 24 hours one day...but you aren't going to get rich that day.

 

Your food intake is mediocristan.

 

But let's talk about extremistan first...

 

Take the above situation and add in a lottery. When you play the lottery and win, you can make more money in one day than you ever will your entire life working the job described above. 

 

Say you make $60,000 in one year at your job. You were feeling lucky yesterday and you played the lottery. Today you find out you won $1,000,000. So in one day you eclipsed your total earnings by, uhhh, a lot.

 

One day of income, in some situations, can greatly exceed the total amount of money you’d otherwise normally make. This is an example of extremistan.

 

Now jump back to mediocristan...

 

Think of how many calories you eat daily. Say it is 2000, for example’s sake. 2000 calories every day for one year = 2000 x 365 = 730,000.

 

Your daily energy intake is slim compared to what it adds up to over one year. Even if tomorrow you decide to shove as much food down your throat as possible and you end up eating 10,000 calories, it still doesn’t come close to 730,000.

 

No one day of energy intake will ever come close to the total amount of energy you intake across one year.

 

In mediocristan, you can't "blow up." One day won't make or break you. You need to rely on a TREND over TIME.

 

Body composition is a TREND...not a FAD. 

 

So people worried about random holiday indulgences usually are the ones that don't have the rest of the month in check. 

 

Us dudes known for fitness can eat donut ice cream sandwiches because those events are fads...not trends. They happen here and there, but not with any consistency.

 

My recommendation? 

 

80%

 

Make 80% of your days "on point." So if there's 30 days in one month, you have six days to fiddle with...which means, if you celebrate Christmas, you can effectively fiddle from Christmas to New Years and probably notice absolutely zero ill effects as long as you were able to right the ship soon after New Years. 

 

Me?

 

I've been on a "no diet" for the past month. It's been interesting, to say the least. Maybe I'll share the results with you sometime...

 

I suppose the point of this email = take a deep breath, relax, enjoy yourself...but be ready to do work when it's time for work to be done. 

 

So, I'm going to breathe.  This correlates with an email I also got this morning from my girlfriend, saying to take the time to meditate twice a day to try and unwind/destress from the job. 

 

I only have one event this week I think, and that's the NYE party at the dojo on Thursday.  So I'm going to eat very well the next few days.  I'm also going to try not logging food this week and see how that goes.  With any luck, my brain won't implode.

 

Also, for the first time ever, I realized I am skinnier than my brother.  Which is a weird ass realization.  I've spent the entirety of my life being the "Big Boned" one, while he was the twig.  And this weekend I kinda realized that the tables have turned.  It's.... a vaguely schadenfreude-filled moment.

 

Anywho.  Plans are to rest, eat well, and plot my next few moves.

 

I think for lifting, I'm going to aim for 3-4 sessions in January - the wobble because of GF visits.  But I think the plan will be thus:

 

Workout A:

Squats

Bench

Deads

(According to Starting Strenth)

 

Chin ups

Rear Laterals (I hate these, might use an machine, not sure yet)

Back raises

 

Workout B:

Squats

OHP

Deads

 

Pull Up

Goblet Squats (I have a history of squats being the weakest lift I have.  More squat work seems wise, unless someone has suggestions contrary to this.)

Curls

 

Granted, this means I'll only get to do these workouts 2 times in the month.  But it'll be something.

[Mistr]

Thanks for sharing the essay from Anthony. He makes some good points.

 

I decided last week that I was going to enjoy the holiday food and not worry about it. Instead I would cut back on other carbs. Less bread and potatos and more sugar. I am sure I still ate extra calories, but not that much extra. My weight this morning was exactly the same as a week ago. That is still six pounds heavier than my target weight, but at least it did not go higher.

 

We can both take care of those extra pounds over the next month.

[RisenPhoenix]

Thanks for sharing the essay from Anthony. He makes some good points.

 

I decided last week that I was going to enjoy the holiday food and not worry about it. Instead I would cut back on other carbs. Less bread and potatos and more sugar. I am sure I still ate extra calories, but not that much extra. My weight this morning was exactly the same as a week ago. That is still six pounds heavier than my target weight, but at least it did not go higher.

 

We can both take care of those extra pounds over the next month.

 

I figured it was a good one for sharing.  I feel like we all know the point, but some of us (read: Me) need it hammered into them now and again.

 

My weigh in this morning was still depressingly high, but almost a pound lighter than yesterday's.  I know most of it is water weight, but still, a number that high is not pleasing.  Especially since it's roughly where I was this time last year, and I was so happy to be 10-15 pounds lighter than last December.

 

I also bagged up all my Christmas candy and hid it away.  I learned last night when I start eating junk, even if I mean to only have a little bit, anything out in the open becomes fair game in my brain.  So instead of just eating a bit of a chocolate, I ended up eating a bit of a chocolate, then a cup of moose munch, a few spoonfuls of ice cream, and a fragment of a brownie at the dojo.  Stupid amount of calories for no damn reason.  Chucking the ice cream.   Bagged the rest of the crap.  Debating now to toss it or bring it to work, where I might steal eat some, but others will also attack.  Or just chuck it.  Cheechoe sent me some mochi for Christmas, which are still in the box.  Those will be opened only for a game night, all at once, and anything left over will be thrown out.

 

But now, my apartment is more or less junk free.  I need to tackle my food issues, but really I do best with out of sight, out of mind, or just flat out "Nothing available."  Maybe next challenge I should focus on a "No eating junk in the open" habit.  No idea how to tackle that one, though.  Even when I was fat, I understood everything that wasn't good for me.  It just tasted damned good.  So I'd eat it.  Herm.

 

 

Aikido last night was pretty good.  Felt really nice to be back on the mat again.  I also came to realize an additional technique out of katatori menuchi while I was mindlessly walking through and air-practicing.  I had to get  a hold of someone, though, to test that what went through my brain was practically possible, though. (Technique is a really simple one, just I never considered the method of getting there from that attack.  Essentially an irimi entrance to get behind the uke, and then draping your hands on their shoulders and stepping back to throw them backwards.  Provided and early enough atemi to get uke off balance and backwards in the first place, super easy toss.  Very minor energy expenditure.  And therefore and excellent randori technique.)

 

Also last week I had talked to Sempai about the exams a bit.  He confirmed my ukemi for my friend's blackbelt exam was fine - nice, even.  Which is good, because I had no idea what the hell was going on.  Totally was terrified that I had made the exam ugly.  He also... shared his opinion on Big Goober.  Essentially, it's the same opinion as mine.  Except harsher.  He also thought he shouldn't have tested (based on both attitude and aptitude), and was less impressed than I was with the 8-9 techniques he had to perform each time.  His reasoning is that Sensei grilled him because he saw very little that was effective.  And since first kyu you should be semi-effective..... Well, I'm not sure if that makes me feel better or worse about my coming exam.  But I won't lie, I'm kind of glad to keep seeing people who share my opinion on the matter of Big Goober.  Because it at least lets me know I'm not being blinded by some over arching dislike.

 

More class tonight, unless home-visiting Nerds hijack me to go see Star Wars (again).  Which everyone needs to see the movie.  It's not perfect, but it's pretty much undoes makes you forget about the Prequels.  Tugs at all the right heart- and nostalgia-strings.

 

Slowish week at work again, next week goes crazy.  Our Director is leaving, and the CEO is clearly worrying, since in the same breath as mentioning his leaving he also told us we are getting an end of year bonus.  I suspect something pathetically minor, because that's how this company treats our site.  Clearly they are hoping this retains people.  I suspect it won't.  And I won't lie, I'll giggle if this place collapses.

[Mistr]

I know what you mean about food. Out of sight helps a lot. I find I binge eat chocolate worse than other sweets. Some things I can completely ignore. Hard candies and any kind of gummies have no appeal for me. Chocolate chip cookies on the other hand...

 

I told my coworkers that I wanted to learn to make really good chocolates and they volunteered to be guinea pigs for my experiments. Passing treats along to your coworkers is a good way to build good will at work at the same time you solve your temptation problem.

 

Good to know that your sempai sees the same things you do about Big Goober. My sensei talked some about our recent tests and just observing people on the mat. She said that some people have very pretty movement, but it is empty. Other people are much less showy but are quietly effective.

 

I know that I can feel the difference between powering through and effective aikido. When it is done right, uke just melts. There is no feeling of being forced. Instead it feels like the floor suddenly moved. There is nothing to resist. Nage is completely relaxed and fluid.

 

What I see more often is people who are close to the right place and use strength to fill in for skill. As sensei says, strength does work on people weaker than you. This is why big, strong guys are at a disadvantage in learning aikido. They can get away with not doing it right much longer than small people. Lucky for you, you have good people in your dojo to help you avoid that.

 

I hope you get a nice bonus and then an even better offer from another company.

[RisenPhoenix]

Only one aikido class last night, since I was stolen by Nerds to go see Star Wars.  Again.  I feel like I had the opposite reaction most people had.  I had heard that it gets better with multiple viewings.  Not that I didn't enjoy it, but I was definitely not nearly as excited/thrilled/awed about it a second time.  Still good, but not the same level of excitement I had when I went on Xmas eve.

 

Aikido highlights:

~My friend who graded for his blackbelt at the start of the month finally got back on the mat.  He was away for a variety of reasons, such as practically breaking his foot before the exam and wanting to let it heal or something.  But it was very exciting (for me) to watch him put his hakama on for the first time (for those now joining the Monk Talk, hakamas are only worn by blackbelts in my dojo).  I may have squeed.  And then told him I wanted to see him trip so I could laugh.

~Class itself was some more knife take aways, with a hint of experimental.  Ended up working with our resident karateka and playing with getting away and pins and what not a bit - with the blessing of Sempai, who was teaching.  Not many techniques, just a nikkyo and a kotegaeshi, but the attack was atypical.  I am really excited for when Sempai starts incorporating more atypical things into his classes.  It's good that he tries to do the weird things in aikido.  I'm waiting for him to get comfortable playing with kicks.  Less likely in a brawling situation, but still something I'd like to see addressed more regularly.  Or at all.  At all would be nice.

 

November Project this morning, I was fully planning on hitting my PR/goal of a sub-40 minute full tour.  I spent the last two weeks not pushing myself and really getting close, so I figured this week I would nail it.  Even better, it was a PR day!

 

Turns out Nature just laughed at my plans.  Ice/Snow storm on Monday has coated Boston Metro with a slick layer of ice, including the concrete stadium.  So instead we did a track and field workout.

 

Workout was as follows:

Warm ups of high knees and walking lunges

A 5 minute round of suicide sprints (I kept calling these Indian Sprints this morning when I was talking to Ska over coffee.  Proof I've never been a sportsballer or runner.) Made 2 full circuits, no idea of the furthest distance.  Hip was acting up, so I stopped after the two circuits and stretched it out.

Found a partner, did a squat competition.

Another round of sprints.  Another 2 circuits, another hip stretch.

Found another partner.  One partner held a squat with arms out, the other used the outstretched arms to brace and then perform mountain climbers.  Then a switch of roles.  Something like 1-2 minutes.  Let me tell you, aikido helped - the squat arms pretty much were the poster child for keeping your arms extended and connected to your center.

Another round of sprints.  This time 2.25 circuits, and another hip stretch.

Final round was just a quick as you like sprint based on gender.  Nice and easy.

 

All and all, about 30-40 minutes of being out in the 25F degree weather.

 

My quads hate me, but I have a LaX ball at my desk that's my friend.  Not much to do at work today, either.  Yippie.

 

Aikido tonight, work tomorrow, and then a not-quite midnight class (10PM-11PM) tomorrow for NYE, followed by a small gathering at the dojo.  Should be nice.  Then sleeeeep on Friday and a total amount of do whatever the fuck I like.  No adulting Friday.  At all.  I deserve a rest.

[RisenPhoenix]

Dear gods, the DOMS.

 

Apparently my legs aren't up to snuff anymore.  My hamstrings are super sore.  My hip flexor is cringing a bit.  Hell, even my neck and back are stiff this morning.  What the hell, Body?

 

Class last night was pretty tricky.  I think I need to spend the next few weeks (or years) working to utilize my hips better.  And connect with my center more.  And extend outwards more fully.  And use less strength.  And just do aikido right.  That's all.  Totally no big deal.

 

It was a tough class, because it was a lot of slamming this information into me, even though the techniques were incredibly basic.  So now it's a matter of finding out a way to train that lets me work on these things.  Also, it requires partners who will let me train this way.  The Karateka will let me play, but her enthusiasm tends to mean that she attacks very quickly, requiring me to react quickly - which means I can't slow things down to feel things fully.  A 5th dan who I apparently now regularly work with is fantastic to learn things from.... but his ukemi makes it hard to feel things.  He's not limp, but he's reluctant to take falls AND he's centered as the planet, so if he doesn't want to move, he doesn't.  The Goober Trio also won't really let me work on things, either, because Goobers and limp ukemi.  This leaves pretty much my friend who just graded, one other recent black belt, and Sempai who will let me do the work I need regularly.  And unfortunately, they won't all be on the mat regularly enough to practice with.  So I really need to find a way to work on what I want with people who really aren't conducive to letting me train like I want.  Totally easy.

 

Food yesterday was pretty solid.  My bad things were a small cookie, two small squares of a truffle chocolate bar, and maybe half a cup of eggnog?  I also spent yesterday eating everything.  I was starving all day.  But outside of those three things, everything was pretty damned healthy.  Maybe the Quest bar was questionable.  But otherwise, lots of fruit, veggies, eggs, and meat.  I felt pretty content by the time I got home from the dojo and finished dinner.  It was nice.  I had been reading Eat To Perform a bit, so that might have made it's way into my head after Chammy yelled at me a few pages ago.  Weigh in this morning was 210.  Still high, but decreasing at a decent clip.  Gut measurement is also up, but I feel bloaty anyway, so that'll drop once things get to normal again after tonight.

 

New challenge starts Monday, and I have about half a dozen things I want to do.  I'll probably keep this as a food log/diet haven/oddball workout plans space.  We'll see how these shorter challenges work in relation to battle logs.  As it stands, I was going to skip the next challenge and keep this thing going.  But I want to make sure I get the new challenges so I can help newbies along.  Something about wanting to be a decent GL after months of being a crappy one.

[Mistr]

Apparently my legs aren't up to snuff anymore.  My hamstrings are super sore.  My hip flexor is cringing a bit.  Hell, even my neck and back are stiff this morning.  What the hell, Body?

 

Class last night was pretty tricky.  I think I need to spend the next few weeks (or years) working to utilize my hips better.  And connect with my center more.  And extend outwards more fully.  And use less strength.  And just do aikido right.  That's all.  Totally no big deal.

 

It was a tough class, because it was a lot of slamming this information into me, even though the techniques were incredibly basic.  ...  So I really need to find a way to work on what I want with people who really aren't conducive to letting me train like I want.  Totally easy.

 

Sounds like you did a rigorous workout yesterday, even though it did not involve Stairs. 

 

Those are all excellent things to train. And keep training for a loooooooooong time. Sounds like you need to recruit new people into your dojo so that you will have more training partners. I know how frustrating it can be when you want to train a particular aspect of aikido and sensei chooses to emphasize something else, or you have a partner who can't take the ukemi you need.

 

My current strategy is to have a list of things I need to work on. Blending, keeping my shoulders relaxed, staying connected, leading rather than pushing or pulling, keeping my posture... all kinds of things I need to improve. When I am working with the brand new people I concentrate on being relaxed and connected. I want them to feel that aikido should be smooth and gentle. When I work with my sempai I concentrate on finding openings, mine and theirs. Plus blending, taking and keeping my partner's balance and all the other things.

 

Non-attachment. Being able to let go of what you want and take advantage of the opportunities that are there in the moment. That is another key mental skill to train. It will make a huge difference in your randori.

[Mike_d85]

Yeah... I slacked on the lunges for months and now my butt hurts when I walk. 

 

As for goals, there is nothing wrong with wanting to make leadership your goal.  You can still keep up yourself sane while researching a dozen goals.  Once you've been a good GL you can organize and get some support back and get your other goals done.

[RisenPhoenix]

This weekend has not been particularly good for me, mentally speaking.  After Friday, everything took a big ol' divebomb to anxietyville, and I've been clawing my way back up since.  It means my food consumption has been crappy, I've barely moved, and I've felt like a waste of life.  

 

And yet, I still managed to drag myself to the gym to play with a barbell for the first time since ( *checks log book* ) September 24 and managed to drag myself to the dojo this morning.  Workout on Saturday was really just to retest how I felt with the movements, and find weights I would be okay doing 3 sets of 5 reps with, a la Starting Strength.  Since I'm not really going to get much gains for a once-a-week lifting session, a bit of volume seems wise.  It'll take a bit longer, but I suspect I'll be doing this on the weekend, and therefore who really cares?

 

Just to make life easy, everything done with a bar was 5 reps.  I was testing to see how things were, figured that was the best life choice.

 

Benchpress:

45#

95#

115#

135#

145#

 

I could probably have done a few more sets, but decided I'm going to start my BP back at a 135# weight.  I could maybe do a 145# start, but I'm less confident about that.

 

Neutral Grip Pull ups = 5

Chin Ups = 4

Wide Grip Pull Up = 2

 

I'm shocked about the Neutral grip pull ups and Chins.  That being said, the wide grip were terrible, but less because of the strength, more because my right elbow was in pain when moving.  Going to talk to my PT friend about it, see what he thinks it might be.

 

OHP:

45#

55#

65#

75#

 

I was shocked this went as well as it did.  I'll start here at 70#, just to make sure I can complete the full routine.

 

Squats:

45#

95#

115#

135#

155#

 

Gods I hate squats.  Worst lift I have.  Going to actually start here at 145#.  The 155# was okay if it was one or two sets, but three might be not so good.  Hopefully I can get these to improve a lot more this time around.

 

Deadlifts:

135#

155#

185#

225#

 

I think 225# is where I'm going to start again.  My hamstrings were pretty terrible yesterday after the Wednesday workout, but I don't want to over estimate my ability right now and injure myself more.  As long I as try to put out my my mind that these lifts are so tiny compared to where I was a few months ago.

 

But, in any case, it's rebuilding.  It'll come back fast, I suspect.  Or at least it would, if I could get more than one session a week.  

 

Aikido this morning was interesting, because it turned into Sensei talking for quite a long time about blending.  Unfortunately, his English is not so good.  Or his ability to communicate ideas in his heads into words (I've seen the equally confused looks of a senior instructor talking in Japanese with Sensei.  No matter the language, Sensei's brain-to-mouth mechanism is a bit tweaked).  But it was, I think, mostly talking about making sure we are blending and being prepared for an attack, and the idea of keeping an attacker moving.  Also, he talked about how our grabbing attacks aren't actually attacks, but starts to attacks (someone who grabs your wrist with their left hand will almost certainly be balling a fist in their right).  Which is a good point and should be made.... except this was a tiny class of mostly senior people who knew that fact.  Oh well.  Hopefully he pontificates a bit more to larger classes soon.

 

Okay, off to write my challenge now.  Should be interesting.  And by interesting, I mean boring, because I do nothing especially epic these days besides "Keep moving."

[RisenPhoenix]

211.8

 

That was my weigh in this morning.

 

Given the day before it was at 214ish, I'm okay with this.

 

Now, sadly, pre-Xmas I was 204.  My goal is to get to 204 before the end of the challenge (January 29th?).  The caveat being I'm going to try and not log my food.  I'm also going to hit the Primal eating a bit harder.  Which means I need to knock out eating cookies and chips and junky trail mixes.  But not logging food + trying to stay sane means I might not lose as fast as I would like.  But I suspect that what I have hanging around on me is mostly water weight.  Because damn am I bloaty right now.

 

But, new year.  Goal to hit 15% Bodyfat (or them thar abouts) by December 2016.  Goal to get to first kyu by December 2016.  And maybe another goal of hitting a single rep of 1.5BW Squats.  And another of getting multiple reps of 1BW Bench Press and 2BW deadlifts.

[RisenPhoenix]

Day one of the new Challenge, for people who want to follow me to my thread there: RisenPhoenix Refocuses on the Journey

 

Also Day 1 of "I'm going to be stricter on Primal eating" was.... not a success.  I got home and started eating a goodly amount of junk.  Cookie, some Andes mints, and some black licorice.

 

I want to trust myself to not log food, but clearly I can't be trusted right now.  Too much junk floating around left over from Xmas.  And so, back to calorie counting again.

 

Rules this time, though.

1) Still doing IF-ish things.  Protein shake in the morning, but that's it besides coffee.  I end up eating dinner between 7 and 9PM most nights, so I "breakfast" around 10AM usually.  I could potentially go longer, make it a legit 16-8 fast, but work gets in the way.  If I was always at my desk, I could power through, I think, but running between the lab and my desk with variable times make it hard.  Better off doing the 12-12 thing, if only because it helps deal with cravings in a positive manner.

2) Nothing from the work snack bar, except for fruit.  No nuts or trail mixes allowed, either.

3) If I have the time and I'm starving, run to the store down the road for some vegetable snack.

 

Okay.  I don't like spending days above 210, and I know next week I'll be down with my folks for a bit and not have ideal food situations going.  I need to be under 210 before I go down there.  I may go crazy otherwise.

[MegaCarp]

Nice to read this RP, I'm dealing with the junky food issue myself along with a few knicks and dings, being a tad over-scheduled, and we'll just throw a cold on top of it I've been battling with for a month. Its easy to forget sometimes that really, we're not the only ones that deal with food poorly and heh, well this reminded me of this, thanks my friend. 

[RisenPhoenix]

Good grief I’m sore.  Sore, and hungry.  Guess I’m officially back to “caloric deficit mode” now.

 

Yesterday I had about 2200 calories, today about 2400.  I had a small taste of cake frosting and a serving of Fluff, but otherwise behaved (I resisted two beautiful cakes at work, the least I could do was try the froasting – the Fluff I just have a weakness for).  Today my biggest offence was some fresh baked bread (The HORROR!) and a small candy piece.  Otherwise, everything was healthy (plus a Quest bar.  I’m still okay with those, though).

 

November Project today had a variant on their Firedrill workout.  Rather than have a bell they rand randomly, they had three, thirteen-minute segments where you had to run sections.  When time was up, you had to do a number of pushups equal to the number of sections you ran.  So today, I did 40 sections, and 40 pushups.  First round I made 16 sections, second round 14, and by the last round I was dead and pushed through to get the final 10.  What kills me is I probably would have done better if I didn’t have to hit section 23, and then have to run back to section 37 under the stadium.  I don’t run.  I barely jog.  So rather than being able to power through more sections, I just seize up and lose time.  I wish I could say it’s something I intend to fix.  It’s not.  I’ve tried liking running.  I’d rather saw my arms off than try to make it enjoyable at this point.  Anyway, 40, 3/4 sections isn't a pathetic amount.  I'll take it.  Sadly, this also means my goal of a 40 minute full tour is on hold until ice vanishes.  Stupid New England Winter.

 

Anyway, hopefully going to behave tomorrow with food.  Apparently our Director’s Farewell party is tomorrow.  With lots of pizza.  And a large meeting in the room.  Smelling of pizza.  Not eating pizza tomorrow may prove difficult.  We shall see.  No workouts planned, either.  Just a nice relaxing day of running around my lab like crazy as I try to fit two clients worth of work in and a meeting that has major implications in how my workplace will function in the near future.  No biggie.

[Mistr]

Good grief I’m sore.  Sore, and hungry.  Guess I’m officially back to “caloric deficit mode†now.

 

Just a nice relaxing day of running around my lab like crazy as I try to fit two clients worth of work in and a meeting that has major implications in how my workplace will function in the near future.  No biggie.

 

Sore and hungry proves that your exercise and calorie restriction plans are working. Sorry about the downside of that. I hope you can keep telling yourself that these are positive signs.

 

Ah, yes, your wonderful job. Having a lot to get done gives you a valid reason for limiting your time in the room with the pizza.

[RisenPhoenix]

Sore and hungry proves that your exercise and calorie restriction plans are working. Sorry about the downside of that. I hope you can keep telling yourself that these are positive signs.

 

Ah, yes, your wonderful job. Having a lot to get done gives you a valid reason for limiting your time in the room with the pizza.

 

I do keep telling myself they are positive signs.  This morning I was down to 211, which is almost a pound down from Tuesday or Wednesday morning.  Which is doubly impressive, since I ate 2500 calories yesterday.  (Most of them good.  Apparently Cracker Jacks has released a new product.  I had to try it, but I limited myself to a single ounce/serving size - so it was only 150 calories of damage.)

 

As for work... yea.  I'm going slightly insane today and yesterday.  I'm also noticing a problem I'm having that I need to stop, both for my sake and my boss'.  I'm really good about making notes to myself in my lab notebook about oddball things that happen.  Concentrations, different well positions than intended, the genera, minor "I goofed a bit in lab but nothing fatal" type mistakes.  Nothing that would or should set back work.  The problem I'm noticing is that when my boss asks for plate maps, I tend to have them written in... uh... RP Brain speak.  So lately I've been sending him things that make perfect sense in my brain... but that's because I glance over them and my brain fills in the holes.  I pay attention to detail and note everything.  I just seem to have a bad tendency to forget to update everything that can be altered.  Part of my issue is I know my brain is glancing on things because of anxiety and wanting to push work out.  I also feel like part of the issue is my boss is a huge procrastinator.... so when he starts flailing around for a map that I've tried to hand off to him for days, I end up feeling rushed.  And since my brain "Knows" everything is in place, I'll send it over.  So, I now have two very prominent post it notes next to my monitor to remind me to double check my e-copies against my lab notebook.  Won't help the past, but I sure as hell can help the future.  At the very least, no one can tell me I'm not self-motivating to improve myself in this regard.