Tsune of RisenPhoenix

[RisenPhoenix]

Oh, and last night I had the fun exchange of being asked when I'm testing for my black belt by Dolita.  I responded "Never?" Which was rapidly followed by my friend/probably uke "December.  April the latest."

 

Sigh.  I do this to people all the time, too, so I shouldn't be shocked.  But still.  Argh.

[Teirin]

Hey, at least they told you instead of corralling you into another city like Kishi :-D

 

Hope Company's surgery goes well tomorrow!  I'm sure you'll take great care of her.  

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

7 hours ago, RisenPhoenix said:

Except I'm not nice, and I had control of the knife in his hands.

 

So I stabbed him.

 

Or more accurately, I made him stab himself by dropping my center.

 

I hope company's surgery goes well. Nurses don't always make the best patients. It's a hard transition being able to wander in and out of rooms at will to being stuck in a room all day.

[Kishi]

4 hours ago, RisenPhoenix said:

Oh, and last night I had the fun exchange of being asked when I'm testing for my black belt by Dolita.  I responded "Never?" Which was rapidly followed by my friend/probably uke "December.  April the latest."

 

I mean, if anyone asked me, I'd probably say about four and a half years from now, if my time spent on other belts is anything to go on.

 

Best of luck for Company's surgery! You'll take great care of her, I'm sure of it!

[RisenPhoenix]

Surgery went well, but was a long day. Now doing the dutiful boyfriend role taking care of her. Long-ish recovery road, but she’ll get there. 

 

Pretty sure my diet plans are totally shot, and my activity level will be nil, though. Ah well. I could probably use a solid rest week anyway. 

[RisenPhoenix]

Home and somewhat settled. Trip and care went okay, but a lot of things happened while I was away that spiked my anxiety to not-fun levels. Chewing Xanax may have occurred. Mainly because one of the things that happened was learning I fucked up shipping a $40,000 experiment. Yeeeeaaaaaaaa. Super. 

 

So so in other words, my self care has been shit. I got home and settled at 2am Saturday and went to work that day. Today I have some paperwork to do. Work the next two weekends, too. Which makes me miss a seminar I wanted to go to. Bugger. 

 

It’ll all be okay. I just need to get some things rolling. Also I was planning on going to aikido, and instead slept 12 hours and missed both classes. So partially self care? I guess?

[Teirin]

Sympathies on the shipping problem.  I deal with a lot of those.

 

You clearly needed the sleep?  Any way you can space out those weekends?  I hope you aren't working both days of each.

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

That sucks about the shipping issue.

[Urgan]

Hope the shipping issue is resolvable without too much heartburn. Life just can't be simple, can it?

[RisenPhoenix]

On 5/20/2018 at 12:49 PM, Teirin said:

Sympathies on the shipping problem.  I deal with a lot of those.

 

You clearly needed the sleep?  Any way you can space out those weekends?  I hope you aren't working both days of each.

On 5/20/2018 at 4:23 PM, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

That sucks about the shipping issue.

On 5/21/2018 at 9:45 AM, Urgan said:

Hope the shipping issue is resolvable without too much heartburn. Life just can't be simple, can it?

 

Thanks guys.

 

It's been a long two weeks.  Really, really long.  Dealing with the set back the best we can.  In the grand scheme of things, it's a $40,000 experiment, but the part I fucked up was at best $800?  The reagent and consumable cost really is less the issue and it's more the time that was wasted - especially since I finished this in February and the collaborator was the one taking forever to do their paperwork.

 

Anyway.  Trying to get back into a rhythm, even with all the extra work I'm doing.  Aikido Monday, one of Tuesday, and one on Thursday.  I planned for 2 classes both Tuesday and Thursday, but my leg bothered me Tuesday and Thursday I had to deal with my landlord telling me he/they wanted nearly a 20% increase in rent starting in two months.  So I had to go deal with that (currently negotiating a less steep increase with some more gradual raises - at least that gives me a couple of years to build up savings and a house downpayment...).  I'm skipping tonight because I just need mental rest.

 

Wednesday I finally got my Stairs in, after a long, long time away (a whole FOUR WEEKS!).  In a very NP, very not-RP manner, I saw someone waiting for the bus literally at the end of my street wearing grassroots gear, and asked them if they wanted a ride.  And Lo, I now know I have a Tribe Member down the street from me and a car buddy in the morning!  She also knows @AgentsSka, and he was throughly amused about the entire story.  Anyway, ran about 35 sections which isn't terrible for a month long break.

 

Plan for this weekend is Aikido Saturday (though probably one class now, since I have a follow up phone call with my landlord's brains wife tomorrow night) followed by work, and then I work a whole bunch on Sunday that requires me missing aikido.  Monday I managed to finagle things so I don't need to come in, thankfully.  Hopefully I can decompress and un-anxiety from things.

 

And speaking of anxiety!  I bought a thing!  An anti-anxiety thing!  It's this thing!  I definitely feel more relaxed and sleep better with some pressure on my body, so I had been debating buying one for a while.  Went on sale and I figured why not, I've had a rough two weeks.  So I bought it, slept with it, and... well, I'm waiting to see.  I do think I tossed-and-turned less last night.  It does have a pleasant amount of heft, complete with me feeling a bit more relaxed even while I fought trying to get the thing into the damn cover.  It's hot out, but even sleeping with it last night wasn't bad.  So yea.  Lets see how that works.

[Urgan]

Good things amidst the bad and LORD is there nothing quite like the feeling of paying more for things you had already. UGH x 10^9.

 

4 minutes ago, RisenPhoenix said:

And speaking of anxiety!  I bought a thing!  An anti-anxiety thing!  It's this thing!  I definitely feel more relaxed and sleep better with some pressure on my body, so I had been debating buying one for a while.  Went on sale and I figured why not, I've had a rough two weeks.  So I bought it, slept with it, and... well, I'm waiting to see.  I do think I tossed-and-turned less last night.  It does have a pleasant amount of heft, complete with me feeling a bit more relaxed even while I fought trying to get the thing into the damn cover.  It's hot out, but even sleeping with it last night wasn't bad.  So yea.  Lets see how that works.

 

Curious. Definitely keep us updated on what you think!

[Kishi]

I mean, that shipping problem sounds bad, but unless you somehow unmade All Of Science, I'm pretty sure y'all over in the corporate world can handle it. And I mean, like you said, your part in the error was barely a 50th of the total thing. Feels terrible, but doesn't bear out under scrutiny.

 

Also, sleep is totally self-care. It's the best kind. The kind you can sleep through.

[RisenPhoenix]

So I made a thing: 

 

Mostly going to be a head spacy thing there, while I try to figure a few things out. This will be my usual workout rambling thoughts.

 

So, how do we do these "Challenge" things again?

 

 

[RisenPhoenix]

Aiight.

 

So last night was an hour and a half of aikido.  Got there late because my GrandBoss is leaving and the team went to an Escape Room to say farewell.  I'm pleased to say that we won!  I didn't help that much, but did get a single lock myself.  I got stuck over thinking a chessboard clue, thinking the mid-game set up was a reference to a puzzle in a provided book.  Newp.  Not even close to that.  Ah well.

 

Aikido was good, if a bit exhausting.  Nothing crazy, just more feeling like I know nothing.  Best moment I had was accidentally doing a completely different technique without thinking about it.  It worked, it shocked the instructor (who was attacking me), and I could feel my center doing the movement, rather than my arms.  Also it's always fun to see that instructor just remain on the ground post-throwing to and go "Well that works."  Small moments where I remember I sometimes know things.

 

This morning was NP, and I was fulling expecting to not make a full tour.  I shocked myself.  Apparently they let us go a bit longer than they claimed, but I managed to push through the last three sections in the last two minutes of the workout.  My legs are jelly at the moment.  Super, for a day I need to keep walking up and down the stairs at work to get to the lab.  Ah well.

 

Tonight is also the first massage in what hopefully will be my monthly massage plan.  Get some physical self care in, along with my mental self care.  Hopefully a few sessions can remove my really terrible knot in my trap/shoulder, and maybe take care of some of my tight quads/IT band issues.

[Urgan]

19 minutes ago, RisenPhoenix said:

Aikido was good, if a bit exhausting.  Nothing crazy, just more feeling like I know nothing.  Best moment I had was accidentally doing a completely different technique without thinking about it.  It worked, it shocked the instructor (who was attacking me), and I could feel my center doing the movement, rather than my arms.  Also it's always fun to see that instructor just remain on the ground post-throwing to and go "Well that works."  Small moments where I remember I sometimes know things.

 

Surprising Sensei is one of life's little joys. Best on test nights, but it works any time it is pulled off. Especially on that one black belt who occasionally does a sharp atemi or throw without meaning to and you do the ukemi right and don't get hurt in spite of it. 

 

22 minutes ago, RisenPhoenix said:

Tonight is also the first massage in what hopefully will be my monthly massage plan.  Get some physical self care in, along with my mental self care.  Hopefully a few sessions can remove my really terrible knot in my trap/shoulder, and maybe take care of some of my tight quads/IT band issues.

 

Dear Knot:

 

[RisenPhoenix]

25 minutes ago, Urgan said:

Surprising Sensei is one of life's little joys. Best on test nights, but it works any time it is pulled off. Especially on that one black belt who occasionally does a sharp atemi or throw without meaning to and you do the ukemi right and don't get hurt in spite of it. 

 

I'll never really shock my Chief Instructor, but yea, sometimes I'll do things to this junior instructor which make him pleasantly surprised.  He and I are good friends (at least as good friends as a pair 20 years apart and with very different family scenarios can be), so he pushes me a bit extra on the mat.  Which in turn makes me rib him a lot more than I should in class when he is teaching.  My seriousness/formality these days is a bit lax since most of the instructors are people I'm fairly close to now after seeing most of them multiple times a week for the past 6 years.  Even Original Goober I have an odd fondness for these days.

 

But yea, shocking people is always fun. (Though right now the person I want to shock is someone who *doesn't* react to atemi, which causes all sorts of issues when I have to throw them.  Both because they are super flexible, incredibly centered, but mostly because they have been stuck in trying to point out how their aikido dick is bigger than everyone elses and in general been a shitty training partner.  It's caused a lot of grief and added stress in my life lately.)

 

30 minutes ago, Urgan said:

Dear Knot:

 

 

Annnnnd I can(k)not love this more.

[Urgan]

10 minutes ago, RisenPhoenix said:

But yea, shocking people is always fun. (Though right now the person I want to shock is someone who *doesn't* react to atemi, which causes all sorts of issues when I have to throw them.  Both because they are super flexible, incredibly centered, but mostly because they have been stuck in trying to point out how their aikido dick is bigger than everyone elses and in general been a shitty training partner.  It's caused a lot of grief and added stress in my life lately.)

 

I love being very flexible. You can almost hear the other person re-evaluating their technique in those golden 3 to 5 seconds. I have been known to giggle while being pinned. On a related note, my personal favorite atemi is to make uke laugh. Completely disables them. Also a coping mechanism for the I Do Not Know What I'm Doing. I try to keep it to a minimum so we can, you know, train. But on the flip side I try to be helpful with the feedback and not being a jackwagon to throw. 

[RisenPhoenix]

19 minutes ago, Urgan said:

But on the flip side I try to be helpful with the feedback and not being a jackwagon to throw. 

 

This is what that person has been missing for a while now.  They used to be really fun to train with.  Now, not so much.  They are getting better, but they also need to learn the difference between someone not knowing  a concept (like keeping hands in line with their center) versus a current inability to perform the concept.  While we're peers, I actually outrank them, and they frequently give reallllllly condescending information to me as though it's the holy grail.  Yes, I know I need to do that.  I'm currently trying to find HOW to do that with my body.  Which is substantially less flexible and also several inches taller.  It's going to take me a while.

 

It's....been a gnawing issue....

[Urgan]

10 minutes ago, RisenPhoenix said:

 

This is what that person has been missing for a while now.  They used to be really fun to train with.  Now, not so much.  They are getting better, but they also need to learn the difference between someone not knowing  a concept (like keeping hands in line with their center) versus a current inability to perform the concept.  While we're peers, I actually outrank them, and they frequently give reallllllly condescending information to me as though it's the holy grail.  Yes, I know I need to do that.  I'm currently trying to find HOW to do that with my body.  Which is substantially less flexible and also several inches taller.  It's going to take me a while.

 

It's....been a gnawing issue....

 

Us blue belts have enough basic movement to learn that the line between technique ignorance and technique fail is perilously thin, but having to constantly decide whether to defend your intelligence THIS time or not has to be grating in the worst way. It is tricky to be thrown and provide good factual feedback about what just happened to you when you may not have the firmest grasp of the technique yourself, just from a practical standpoint. One would think it is something that gets easier with time and familiarity. 

[RisenPhoenix]

6 minutes ago, Urgan said:

Us blue belts have enough basic movement to learn that the line between technique ignorance and technique fail is perilously thin, but having to constantly decide whether to defend your intelligence THIS time or not has to be grating in the worst way. It is tricky to be thrown and provide good factual feedback about what just happened to you when you may not have the firmest grasp of the technique yourself, just from a practical standpoint. One would think it is something that gets easier with time and familiarity. 

 

Yea, this person kind of thinks everyone is like them.  And it takes a lot of mental effort on their part to remember that it isn't the case.  Add in the fact that their aikido is in fact wonderful, and while sitting on 5 years of regular aikido practice (they pretty much overtook me as the dojo regular), also have nearly 2 decades of another martial art under their belt, and they really just think everyone is an idiot.

 

In the mean time, when I'm working with people I try to change contextual ideas to trigger things.  They... do not.  They resist, unhelpfully usually, until they think things are perfect.  And if not perfect, their facial expression makes clear what they think of the attempt.

 

Just... not a fun person anymore.  :/

[Urgan]

1 hour ago, RisenPhoenix said:

Yea, this person kind of thinks everyone is like them.  And it takes a lot of mental effort on their part to remember that it isn't the case.  Add in the fact that their aikido is in fact wonderful, and while sitting on 5 years of regular aikido practice (they pretty much overtook me as the dojo regular), also have nearly 2 decades of another martial art under their belt, and they really just think everyone is an idiot.

 

I have seen the beautiful side of this, where black belt level experience in one art allows someone to pick up another really quickly and all their movements are snappy and precise and amazing. It can go downhill very quickly with the wrong attitude, it seems.

 

1 hour ago, RisenPhoenix said:

In the mean time, when I'm working with people I try to change contextual ideas to trigger things.  They... do not.  They resist, unhelpfully usually, until they think things are perfect.  And if not perfect, their facial expression makes clear what they think of the attempt.

 

Just... not a fun person anymore.  :/

 

Ugh.

 

UGH. Who died and made this person the Aikido Hall Monitor?

[RisenPhoenix]

1 hour ago, Urgan said:

I have seen the beautiful side of this, where black belt level experience in one art allows someone to pick up another really quickly and all their movements are snappy and precise and amazing. It can go downhill very quickly with the wrong attitude, it seems.

 

It's not that they haven't worked hard for their aikido, but they discount the body awareness they already have built up.  I'm sure I'll get that once I have another decade of experience, but it takes time to build, and denigrating people for not *immediately* having that is arrogant, even if the people are senior students.  But yea - shitty attitude can go wrong.

 

1 hour ago, Urgan said:

UGH. Who died and made this person the Aikido Hall Monitor?

 

Oh, I know EXACTLY who instilled this in them.  The problem is that individual has even better aikido.  Though that one at least seems to have pulled their head out of their ass when teaching and understands knowledge and ability are separate, and that there are variations in everything.  Frustrating to work with, but at least usually somewhat productive.

[Urgan]

47 minutes ago, RisenPhoenix said:

It's not that they haven't worked hard for their aikido, but they discount the body awareness they already have built up.  I'm sure I'll get that once I have another decade of experience, but it takes time to build, and denigrating people for not *immediately* having that is arrogant, even if the people are senior students.  But yea - shitty attitude can go wrong.

 

It's a common failing in people who have attained a high level of proficiency at a thing. Humans.

 

48 minutes ago, RisenPhoenix said:

Oh, I know EXACTLY who instilled this in them.  The problem is that individual has even better aikido.  Though that one at least seems to have pulled their head out of their ass when teaching and understands knowledge and ability are separate, and that there are variations in everything.  Frustrating to work with, but at least usually somewhat productive.

 

Ah, so it's not that they died, it's more like

 

[RisenPhoenix]

I have about ZERO inclination to go to the dojo tonight.  I'm sore from Stairs.  I'm sore from the massage.  I'm tired.  Maybe I should do the selfcare thing and get home to unwind a bit rather than force myself to do things.  Also helps I already have an accountability buddy to make sure I go to class tomorrow night.

 

Yea.  Some relaxation time wouldn't be amiss...

[Urgan]

14 minutes ago, RisenPhoenix said:

I have about ZERO inclination to go to the dojo tonight.  I'm sore from Stairs.  I'm sore from the massage.  I'm tired.  Maybe I should do the selfcare thing and get home to unwind a bit rather than force myself to do things.  Also helps I already have an accountability buddy to make sure I go to class tomorrow night.

 

Yea.  Some relaxation time wouldn't be amiss...

 

I love the looseness that comes from having the same limb pinned over and over again. Have made jokes about Aikido just being chiropractic care in disguise. Wish my fellow Aikidoka lived closer so I could have one of them pin both shoulders over and over and over and....is that just me?