Minna wants to outrun the wolf at the door

[Minna]

It was hard deciding to join this challenge, because I am so consumed with feelings of failure that I worry I'm just setting myself up for more of the same. But you are all so awesome that I'm taking the leap anyway.

 

I've been depressed almost my whole life and it's never been worse. I have almost completely isolated myself. can't work anymore and I have a young daughter who's going to start noticing pretty soon. I'm on meds, which don't work, and I've just started a really difficult elimination diet to rule out food allergies, but I've been fighting this so long - and now I'm starting to not care anymore whether I get better. That's really, really scary.

 

So. 

 

My main quest

 

I want to get a handle on the depression that is ruling my life.

 

My goals

 

1. I will reach out to a friend at least once a week.

2. I will walk two miles at least 5x/week. (Edit 10/5: I've been walking three miles a day now for more than a week. Woot!)

3. I will stick to the elimination diet that will help me find out whether I have a food allergy.

 

My life quest

 

I will find five things every day to be thankful for.

 

My motivation

 

I want to be truly happy for the first time in my life, for myself and for my family.

 

My hope

 

That I will meet people through this challenge who can help me find my way. 

[Krisella Diamond Death]

Hi Minna! I just got here too. I just wanted to say "Hi" and I'm glad you decided to join the challenge. 

[Minna]

Thanks, Krisella! Good luck to you!  

[Omega]

Good luck with your challenge Minna! I hope everything goes well this coming 6 weeks! There is a great community here. 

[Minna]

Thank you, Omega! I wish you well on your journey too!

[Freemont]

Welcome Minna,

 

Those are great goals! Sometimes getting started is the hardest part.

 

Walking 10 miles a week sounds awesome! How much are you currently walking? Do you have a route that you like?

[Minna]

Yes, I live on a dirt road and I have a regular route that's really nice. I walk a 2.75-mile route at least five times a week now, so now that I think about it, I could increase that challenge to something more. When the going feels too easy, I just step up the pace. I have good audiobooks that help keep my mind from drifting towards negative thoughts while I walk.

[Blaidd]

we're also glad you decided to join this challenge. You'll find a lot of people here who suffer from depression too and they're a great community. I hope we will help you realise all the good things in your life

 

You might notice that i've added an Adventurers' tag to your thread.  This isn't to pigeonhole you into particular guild, but rather to bring one of their ambassadors here to offer you encouragement, support or advice.  Your goals this challenge fit well with the overall spirit of their guild and you are more than welcome to pop into their Tavern and introduce yourself to them.  You are also more than welcome to pop me a message anytime. 

 

Good Luck

AB xx

[Minna]

Thanks, Blaidd! I've seen the guild and you look like a fun group.  

[Minna]

It's day 4 on the elimination diet: no corn, wheat/gluten grains, dairy, eggs, white sugar, shellfish, soy, beef, pork, processed meats, coffee, tea or chocolate. For me, this means I'm particularly missing my morning tea with milk and sugar. A LOT. Peppermint tea just doesn't cut it. But because I have no appetite already, I'm indifferent to what I eat, so that makes the rest of it pretty easy. No cravings! If I tried this a couple of months ago, before I lost my appetite, I'd be dying for bread all the time. So although it's scary not knowing why my body is trying to starve itself to death, it at least makes this part of it easier.

[Lilia]

It was hard deciding to join this challenge, because I am so consumed with feelings of failure that I worry I'm just setting myself up for more of the same. 

 

 

The feelings of failure are horrible beast to tackle! I am really happy that you had the courage to take a part of this challenge. The community here seems truly great for support! Cheers

[Chromaggia]

Hi Minna! A good audiobook can make a walk so much easier, the best ones are the ones that get you so drawn in you keep walking just to find out what happens next

I'm sorry you're fighting the depression demon too but I'm glad you've joined this challenge. We're cheering you on!

[LiserFrenche]

Hi there to a fellow New Englander!  So happy you joined this challenge.  I am sorry you are battling depression - it is hard to dig yourself out of that dark place, but we are here for you!

[LazyDragonAR]

Howdy Minna! 

 

Great to have you with us.  I heard that Stephen Fry did the Harry Potter audio books, I'd like to give those a listen.

 

Here are some Podcasts I've started listening to that always make time go by you might want to check them out too:

 

1) "Stuff You Should Know" - They cover a wide variety of topics but its usually light listening and under 40 min

2) "99% Invisible" - Light with a focus on architecture 20-40 min length.  I don't care about architecture normally but I've learned about revolving doors for 40 minutes and was fascinated!

3) "Freakonomics" - An economist view on everything also less than 40 min.  

4) "Dan Carlin's Hardcore History" - Heavy Listening 1.5hr episodes and multiple episodes to a topic, basically audio books.  It covers things like Genghis Khan or the impacts of the translated bible from Latin to German.  I'm no history buff but I find it great to listen to.

 

My wife is plagued with stomach issues and we nearly started the same kind of elimination diet, it won't be easy but it will be well worth it in the end!  I'll talk to you later! 

[Freemont]

Yes, I live on a dirt road and I have a regular route that's really nice. I walk a 2.75-mile route at least five times a week now, so now that I think about it, I could increase that challenge to something more. When the going feels too easy, I just step up the pace. I have good audiobooks that help keep my mind from drifting towards negative thoughts while I walk.

That's great that you have a pleasant route. It makes such a difference.

 

I think your goal is fine the way it is. Personally, I like having challenges that I'm fairly confident I can meet. Some people like to have ginormous-mind-bogglingly-huge streeetch goals and it motivates them. Whereas I just get frustrated.  It may turn out to be challenging anyway as the weather gets colder and there's less daylight. Do you have any kind of inclement weather plan? Even if it's not walking or even aerobic, it's nice to be able to still credit yourself for following through.

 

Happy walking!

[Minna]

1) "Stuff You Should Know" - They cover a wide variety of topics but its usually light listening and under 40 min

2) "99% Invisible" - Light with a focus on architecture 20-40 min length.  I don't care about architecture normally but I've learned about revolving doors for 40 minutes and was fascinated!

3) "Freakonomics" - An economist view on everything also less than 40 min.  

4) "Dan Carlin's Hardcore History" - Heavy Listening 1.5hr episodes and multiple episodes to a topic, basically audio books.  It covers things like Genghis Khan or the impacts of the translated bible from Latin to German.  I'm no history buff but I find it great to listen to.

 

Thanks for the recommendations! I love the first two and will check out the others.  

[Minna]

Do you have any kind of inclement weather plan? Even if it's not walking or even aerobic, it's nice to be able to still credit yourself for following through.

 

We have a LOT of inclement weather here, and it can be hard to motivate myself to get out - you're right. I have an unpowered treadmill that I'll have to bring out pretty soon - it's super-small but I hate having it in the living room. Still, it's better than not exercising! I also do yoga, being decidedly of the druid class, but haven't found an instructor online that I really like. Good to plan ahead, though - thanks for getting me thinking about it.

[Minna]

Day 5 of the elimination diet. Yesterday, I would have sold my computer for a pizza.

 

I had brown rice cakes instead. 

 

It's the first time in many weeks that I've been what could be called hungry, but maybe that was just the carb craving talking. Needless to say, the rice cakes didn't cut it, even with Vermont Organic Apple Butter on top (caps added to make it look more delicious). I had three of those rice cakes, but nope, still hungry.

 

Today I made Chia Seed Applesauce Bread, but it's still ok with the diet - it has teff flour (what IS that?), rice syrup for sugar, and flax seed instead of eggs. My hopes are not high, but then I did have rice cakes instead of pizza yesterday, so I've already set the bar a bit lower than it used to be. 

 

I forced myself out of the house today, which is saying something when I've almost totally isolated myself except for when I see my husband and daughter. I went to help the local food charity pick corn for nearby food shelves. It was just me and a few other women, and I felt as awkward as a newborn foal - but I have to start somewhere. It was so gratifying because every time I picked a corn cob, I thought, "THIS will feed someone. And THIS will feed someone. And THIS will feed someone." That feels so different from writing a check for charity, and made me grateful for the food in my own house.

[Gobnait]

Hang in there, I hear that the first week is rough.

 

Great job on forcing yourself out of the house.

[Randa Rooskie]

Hi, Minna!  What a great way to motivate yourself to get out!  I know what you mean about the difference between actually working to help people and just passing along some cash.  Maybe you could make that a regular sort of thing?  I know that even when I feel depressed I'll make myself get out if I've got something scheduled and I know people are counting on me.

 

Keep it up!

[She-Hulk]

You're doing really well, Minna! I know the depression beasties can really keep us in chains. I believe in you.

 

Also, elimination diet-wise, really tough that first week! The fact that you're beginning to feel hunger again is an excellent sign, though. That's what you want to happen. Don't be afraid to eat a bit more if you're hungry. I've found drinking a full glass of water after I've eaten helped me get through that part as well. It's hard to start, but it really helps the energy levels and you may find the depression lessoning slightly. Good luck! If you have any questions or are looking for meal suggestions feel free to shoot me a message. 

[Minna]

Thank you, SheHulk! I just read through your challenge thread and you're quite an inspiration. What a journey you're on. I'll definitely message you!

[She-Hulk]

Ah, thanks. We're all on different journeys, seeing everyone conquering their own demons is really inspiring to me. I think that's why I've finally gotten the courage to do all of this. =] We'll get there, for sure! (wherever there may be).

[Minna]

Our group's first mini-dungeon asked us to measure our goals via the SMART system. It was a good way for me to see whether I was taking on too much, and whether my quests would help me achieve my overall goal. 

 

Here's my answer. I'd love feedback!

[She-Hulk]

Looks good, from the beginning I thought your goals were definitely achievable.I have some suggestions! Rewards help a lot, especially on the depression end. If you view yourself as doing something well and give yourself something for it, you'll get a bit of dopamine as well. Gotta love dopamine. Obviously treating yourself with food is a bit out of the question, but there are tons of other things you can do. When I was trying to reign in my shadows (I got hit seriously with it again this past year, I started to work on balancing it back in April and it probably didn't really kick in until August) if I felt like I had a good week, I would buy myself something. Nothing big, of course. Usually it was something that I also really needed but not always. A few examples of what I gave myself as a reward: a set of 8lb dumbbells (they had them on sale at Marshall's, heh), a few essential oils to make some perfume with, new pillow cases, and a t-shirt off of Teefury. I did reward myself in other ways too that also forced me to get out of my comfort zone. I went to the movies, had my hair cut (that was a serious test for me), I went out with friends to buy some comic books. All of these little things don't always seem little and they make such a big difference. 

Oh, and for eating out or going to parties and the like, I always ate before hand or I brought something with me (to a party). Usually just fruit. It made it easier especially since I'm not one to stay long at social functions.

 

I hope your day is going awesome!