Starpuck: Inquisition

[starpuck]

Without an end, there can be no peace. It gets no easier. Your struggles have only just begun. ~ Flemeth

 

 

For over a year I have worked toward some undefined goal and sought a path that demanded flawless execution.  I've met many obstacles on this journey; sometimes overcoming them and sometimes falling victim to their assaults.   Still my eyes never left that path.    But now?  Now my stamina is flagging and I look far beyond to see what prize lies at the end of this path ... and I see nothing.    This cannot be!   What is it then?   What is my end and where will I find my peace?

 

We stand upon the precipice of change. The world fears the inevitable plummet into the abyss. Watch for that moment - and when it comes, do not hesitate to leap. It is only when you fall that you learn whether you can fly. ~ Flemeth

 

 

1) FIND MY DESTINY & EMBRACE IT

There are men who struggle against destiny and yet only achieve an early grave.

There are men who flee destiny only to have it swallow them whole.

And there are men who embrace destiny and do not show their fear… these are the ones that change the world forever.

 

 

My destiny did not come with an easy path to success.    It will always require work - that will not change.    What I can change is my attitude toward that work.  If I am to truly succeed with this so that it becomes simply 'the way it is', then I must stop the "I can't - it's not fair" mentality.  I must embrace my destiny and show it no fear.  Tracking isn't fun- but it works.   Despite my admirable level of activity and fitness, if I do not track, I hover at a weight that is above ideal for my size, age and shape.   I have to always watch for the numbers, just as the Grey Wardens must always watch for the Darkspawn.      

 

TASK: Track food in / exercise out 7x/week.   

[i'm on a 52 day streak at the time of writing this, clearly it can be done.]

 

 

2) TRAIN FOR THE TASK

You will resist.  You will always resist.   It matters not.    I will not suffer even an unknowing rival.

 

 

I enjoy activity and love being strong and capable, so getting exercise in is rarely a problem.   *Except when dragons throw fireballs at me.   I am still recovering from a Grade II MCL sprain and have not been approved for running or hockey, and still suffer pain from the injury that struck me 6 weeks ago.   I've done well, thus far, in maintaining an exercise regime that works around this- but, without a plan or set goals, I can easily be deterred by sloth demons to 'give it a rest'.    Sometimes I must do what I do not feel like doing.  This is a part of life.

 

TASK: Train the Three Essentials; a Champion must be well prepared.  

[My time spent with my physical therapist has pointed out my weaknesses and imbalances.   I have several areas that MUST have improvement if I want to maintain an active, injury free lifestyle that includes sports]

Strength - 3X a week  ^*1

Endurance - 3X a week ^*2

Mobility - 5X a week ^*3

 

*1 - Strength can be either PT session or lifting/strength session while PT is still in session.

*2 - Endurance; until running/hockey is cleared, can be earning 10k steps in a day.

*3 - Mobility is either 10minutes of stretching or foam rolling.  

 

 

3) DEFEND THE MIND

It’s time we start believing in this one.

 

I fall easy victim to fear and doubts.   It has always been in my nature and I strongly dislike that about myself.   It's also dangerous - I am going to be capable of doing ten pull ups as a 50 year old woman, run a 5k in 30m, play hockey -- and yet have a heart attack from my inability to cope well with stress.   The whispers of the enemy can plant themselves in my head almost at first word- and I must draw the line. They cannot be allowed to get a foothold within me.    This is perhaps the most important change I must start working on.   And I am not entirely sure how to do it just yet.

 

TASK: Build mental and spiritual resistance/fortitude.

• Maintain the Sunday Church Habit
• Step out of comfort zone; join a small group, get to know someone at church.
• Practice, engage in, and post examples of positivity in the face of doubt/fear.
• Join something new, all on my own, without a wingman.
• Return to an activity I was previously good at and must relearn.
• Look for a photography class.

**This list will be added to and maintained throughout the challenge.

[Batwoman]

[Raxie]

It seems like a lot of us are feeling this way.  We'll figure it out.

 

Onward!

 

[chammy]

[SevenFootGeek]

[Lokesbrah]

Hello Pucky! Guess who's back and ready to track you on? Aiming for greatness heh?! I'll see you around!

[joedog]

I'm so glad Chammy went there. I practically shouted "No one expects the Starpuck Inquisition!" when I saw your challenge title. You're doing great! Keep riding that momentum! 

[Wufkar]

ohhai.

[starpuck]

Sooooo!

 

Batwoman gets points for finding a DA gif! 

Raxie gets points for scaring me with an odd cartoon thing! 

7FG gets points for baffling me with a ... plate attacking the Golden Gate bridge? 

Chammy and Joedoe get the 'of course you went there' points!

Lokesbrah gets a big, fat, awesome, welcome back, I was hoping you'd not take off for good, viking bear hug!

Wufkar gets a... um.  Uh.      Because I've missed her!

 

 

Also Lokesbrah --- what the heck!  How did I not ever notice you were a DALISH elf before??!?!?   Zomg.  Dragon Age buddy!!!!

[raptron]

Yo, yo, hey, hey.

[starsapart]

 

BEST THEME.

[starpuck]

Hey, no fair life.   You're not allowed to throw things at me before the challenge starts!

• Practice, engage in, and post examples of positivity in the face of doubt/fear?

FINE!   I'll start before the challenge does.   Being a workaholic student paid off for Hermoine after all, and she was a mudblood!

 

First of all, it is nothing.

Secondly.   No, really, it's nothing.   

You were warned by no less than THREE trusted people, face to face, that this was likely to occur.

Statistics back up their reassurances.

It's for the best anyway.   Do it, and do not let the little voice fill you up with unnecessary fear.

If, and it's a BIG BIG BIG BIG if, there is something that needs to be addressed, you can have those emotions THEN. 

But not now.  Not before it's anything.   That's time wasted.

[SevenFootGeek]

I'm not sure what's troubling you but:  you've got this;  we've got your back;  you're awesome.

 

Also, kittens.

 

[Lokesbrah]

Fear already? Starpuck, you just cannot let those feelings rise. Or better yet, find your "crying pillow" and fear and cry it all out there. Then return to your life with feelings of confidence!

[Raxie]

starpuck you got this! No matter what it is you will be awesome

Sent by TARDIS delivery service. Apologies for typos caused by interactions with the time vortex.

[starpuck]

Thanks guys.    I almost feel silly even posting it here, because it's soooo silly.   But it WAS part of my challenge to visibly, audbily, what-ever-bly proclaim my standing up against fears and doubts and senseless worries.   So I kinda had to.     Feeling way less anxiety on it today though.

 

Or maaaybe it's just that I've shifted my anxiety back to worrying about, and being really frustrated with my knee, which seems to taunt me with the idea it will NEVER stop hurting.

[alienjenn]

I want points too

 

 

 

 

 

[Nymeria]

I hope goal # 3 works out for you.  I have a lot of the same problems, so I'll be cheering for you!  

 

Now that you have a confirmed MCL tear, I wonder if the doctor or PT could recommend a good brace that might help you get back on the ice sooner.   

[obax]

Following along, as usual, and can't wait to see you continue to rock it! Sadly, I have no gifs to offer, I'm severely lacking in the 'gif finding' department...

[karinajean]

aaaaaaah duuuuude. how did I not see you here yet until ONLY JUST TODAY. no fair, me. no fair.

 

also 52 day streak on tracking - that is a BIG DEAL. well done.

[starpuck]

HEY GANG!!!

 

 

DAY 1 OF THE NEW CHALLENGE!

 

And I went and sabotaged myself this past weekend again.  (Seriously, what is with the weekend binge-demons?)   

Also.   I never fully tracked yesterday.   Just ... partially tracked.   

 

I'm uncertain if I should track it and just face those demons.   Or leave it be, knowing full well that they are in fact, terrible, huge, VICIOUS demons!!

I mean, on one side, it blows my 'tracking' streak because I've purposefully left data out.    On the other side, it's a new challenge.   I could just leave those calories in the past.   Because there's nothing I can do to change them now anyway.    What do you all think?

 

Also.   That thing I was nearly prone to worry over?   All's well with an all clear report!  And like I said, I knew, for the most part, that it was all going to be fine.   But ... still.   And since it's all clear now, and yes, I can feel a bit silly for having worried about it at all, I'll fill in the details behind a spoiler. 

 

I had to get my baseline mammogram this year because my mother was diagnosed at 47.   I had it done on the 5th.  On the 6th they did a call back for more pictures and an ultrasound.   All my doctors warned me that baselines have a high rate of call back.   And my women's primary care physician told me years ago that My Girls are densely tissued so the likelihood of MY callback?  Ridiculous high.   Still, despite all those reassurances, the fact my mom passed away when I was 13 from having lost her battle with breast cancer, was enough to still plant that bit of panic deep in my mind. 

 

I DID, however, do a good job of telling myself to "not borrow tomorrow's worry for today" and I went through the weekend not thinking about it or obsessing/panicking.  I just went on doing my usual thing.  So, while not a perfect score of 10 on this vault, it was a good showing of working on the core issues of stress and anxiety.

 

So that brings us to today!    A bit of a renewed spirit of 'Go get 'em Tiger' has hit me obviously.   (Though the guilt over this weekend has not been self-forgiven yet.)   And while frustrated with the knee, I've not given up on it and I am determined to both be patient with fixing it RIGHT, AND getting back to hockey eventually.

 

In short ...

[SevenFootGeek]

*snrkt*  "My Girls"...

[SevenFootGeek]

Scary things are scary, my lovely little Puck.  Support systems exist for a reason.  I'm glad you're better.

 

Also, track dat shit.  Data is data.  Today does not stop because of yesterday.

[Wufkar]

Scary things are scary, my lovely little Puck. Support systems exist for a reason. I'm glad you're better.

Also, track dat shit. Data is data. Today does not stop because of yesterday.

This

[maigrey]

I'm uncertain if I should track it and just face those demons.   Or leave it be, knowing full well that they are in fact, terrible, huge, VICIOUS demons!!

I mean, on one side, it blows my 'tracking' streak because I've purposefully left data out.    On the other side, it's a new challenge.   I could just leave those calories in the past.   Because there's nothing I can do to change them now anyway.    What do you all think?

 If you don't track them, you let guilt win.   You're keeping those demons in the dark, and the only way to face it is to bring them into the light.   As you said - there's nothing you can do to change them, but you can be honest about it.