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[nightlight] - don't call it a comeback...


nightlight

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i've been here for years.

 

Backstory for this challenge:

on july 13th, i came in dead last in a competition i did. it was in the RX'd division against a hard group of competitors, but i was really happy with what i did. i wasn't even bummed about being last. though i did break both of my rules for competitions. don't come in last, and don't get injured.

 

on july 15th, my back started hurting, so i laid off training a bit. oh july 26th, i was teaching a barbell basics class, did a snatch with an empty barbell and saw stars and almost passed out. it was white lightening and my entire body broke out in a cold sweat. i literally soaked my clothes in less than a minute. the only reason i didn't pass out is because i kept thinking in my head "don't pass out, you will scare these people and no one you know is here to help you get home." i almost went to the emergency room that night because i couldn't move. i ended up calling my mom in the morning and she came to take me to urgent care and i got meds that help.

 

i went to the doctor, got an MRI in early August, and had it read on August 28th. i have a pretty big herniation at L4/L5, not to mention the damage already at L5/S1 that i previously has surgery on. I had been improving. Then walking home from coaching on the 30th, my back tightened up. A couple of days after that I had constant pain in my right leg. I could barely walk. I still started physical therapy. nothing would touch the pain.

 

my mom was having a double mastectomy on sept. 19th, and i couldn't deal with life, because i was in so much pain. i felt like i couldn't be there for her, and take care of her after. i can't tell you how helpless i felt when they gave her the radioactive isotope injections and my stepdad and i came back in the room and she was crying harder than I've ever seen her cry. i couldn't DO anything. i just sat next to her and held her hand and didn't care how much pain i was in because she as about to have major surgery. my stepdad said that the nurses and the anesthesiologist were all looking at me like i was in pain. it was like they could smell it on me. but most normal people couldn't tell.  she stayed in the hospital for 5 days, and i stayed with her after to help where i could. i mostly helped empty her drains and get her something to drink or eat. by this point, i was in pain for a solid month. there was no minute of any day i was not in pain, it was just a question of how severe. at the beginning of october, i had no control over my own mind. we had to take my mom to the hospital because she had an allergic reaction and i couldn't stop crying. it wasn't because i'm over emotional. we all know that. i just could not deal with my physical pain AND my emotional pain. 

 

while we're talking about my pain, i couldn't walk a block. a NYC block is about 1/20th of a mile. i couldn't take showers, because standing for more than 2 minutes was excruciating. i started to understand how people in chronic pain don't want to live anymore. i didn't get to that point, but i was at the point where i would do anything to not be in pain. i can remember thinking multiple times that i just didn't want to wake up in the morning because i knew i would be in pain. i thought that if i could just sleep for however long it would take my nervous system to calm down, i would have done that. if you would have offered me heroin, i probably would have tried it. 

 

at that point i had seen multiple doctors. i was dead set against surgery until this point. (if this happens again, i've already decided to have surgery even though it will probably mean a fusion in 10 or 15 years.) i chose to get a cortisone injection to see if this would help my pain. i went with the second doctor i saw, because he just had a better vibe. he also understood my frustration with my own body. my herniation isn't unique. he said he's seen people with this herniation with no pain, and then some like me in extreme pain. my injection was on oct. 8th. i was really nervous. getting injected into your spine is a scary thing. my mom was sad she couldn't come with me. my best friend did, and she was a life saver. i knew it was a 50/50 shot if it would even work. i got on the table, and he injected the local anesthetic, and explained he would inject above and below my herniation hoping to get the most medicine near the nerve. when he did the injection below the herniation i felt pain shoot down my leg, right in the pain pattern. it got worse as he injected more medicine, but then calmed down. it wasn't too painful (the actual injections) but i almost passed out. I was shaking badly, so he gave me a juice box, and they just had to observe me for 15 min and make sure i could walk and stuff before i went home. 

 

about a week later, i didn't have a lot of relief. i could walk 3 blocks. which, i guess was a lot for me. :) but after two weeks, i could walk as much as i wanted. and that's where i'm at now. 

 

if i learned one thing from being in pain for two months straight is that when you see that quote, "be kind, everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about" is true. i can't tell you how many times i got upstreamed on cabs and people just being mean or looking at me funny. they had no idea how much pain i was in. and i wasn't about to make a big deal of it.

 

so that's where i've been since the beginning of august. i will write more about stuff with my mom later, but on to the goals. i need to rehab my back. i'm not doing PT anymore, because i was paying them for something i could do myself. (and we have a physical therapist on our competition team so i can ask her for stuff)

 

 

Goal 1: Rehab, Rehab, Rehab.

I'm starting with two basic programs that i'll be pulling from. 

Foundation training, physical therapy exercises and this back rehab protocol.

 

How?

4x per week, choose a minimum of 5 exercises from any of the above. 

5x per week, at least 15 min of stretching and mobility. I need to keep my piriformis from spasming around my sciatic nerve so this is very important. 

 

Goal 2: Dani Two-Bricks

This time last year, I weighed in at 147. (on a scale at a rock climbing gym i was at with the nerds) I want that back. I want my dead hang pullups back. I need to get my diet under control. This also will involve a lot of mental work. I don't think I will make it back under 150 this challenge, but I want to make some progress there. I'll weigh in officially Monday morning. I'd like to lose 10lbs during this challenge. 

 

How?

Say no to gluten as much as possible. beer = ok, as long as it fits macros. bread, not so much. 

Track all food on MFP. (Feel free to follow me and keep me accountable)

Set macros and stick to them. Once I weigh in on Monday, I'll set my macros. 

 

Goal 3: Get Your Mind Right

In the GORUCK community, this is a thing. My mind is not right at this point. My depression and anxiety has gotten worse. I've been not so good on taking my meds. I'm not on a lot. just zoloft, and a small dose. but i DO need it. I also need to work on taking care of myself now that mom is out of the woods. 

 

How?

Take and track meds and supplements in this thread. I'll post my daily list below in the weigh in post on Monday. 

Clean apartment - 5 minutes per day. This can be compounded, so 35 min per week (but does not roll over to the next week.) This may not seem like much, but I need to start small. 

Write for 5 minutes per day. Either journalling or working on my screen play. This can also be compounded, but does not roll over week to week. 

DGAF - don't give a fuck what other people think. just be awesome. concentrate on ME. (and mom, but me really.) 

 

Starting Stats

Weight on 11/10: 164

 

Macros/Cals

using IIFYM calc, "couch potato" and lean mass formula. will change "couch potato" to something more active, once i become more active. 

1360 cals

110 carbs

133 protein

42 fat

 

Meds/Supps to be taken/when:

Morning: Vid D, Symbicort

Day: Tumeric

Evening: Zoloft, Zyrtec, Fish Oil, ZMA or Natural Calm as needed. 

"Come with me if you want to lift" -The Brominator

"Later, I would learn that coincidences are the most planned things in the world. Later, I would learn that every single moment is a coincidence." - Douglas Coupland

"Anyone who doesn't want french fries every day is a commie." - AngelaTheGeek

Current Challenge

INSTAGRAM!!

find me on twitter

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The Current Challenge link in your sig is missing the colon after the http, which will cause most browsers to add an extra http:// which doesn't work.

Level 4 Lycan Warrior

Challenges: 4-Warrior, 3-Assassin, 2-Adventurer, 1-Recruit

Battlelog

Go ahead and laugh all you want to, I got my philosophy and I trust it like the ground. That's why my philosophy keeps me walking when I'm falling down -Ben Fold's Five "Philosophy"

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hiiii.

and updated with goals n' shiz.

  • Like 1

"Come with me if you want to lift" -The Brominator

"Later, I would learn that coincidences are the most planned things in the world. Later, I would learn that every single moment is a coincidence." - Douglas Coupland

"Anyone who doesn't want french fries every day is a commie." - AngelaTheGeek

Current Challenge

INSTAGRAM!!

find me on twitter

Link to post

Food accountibilibuddies? (...foodabilibuddies? nomabilibuddies?)

Also love you! Anything you need you know you can just ping me! [emoji173]️

  • Like 1
Spezzy, the Arcane Skirmisher
Chaotic Good Quarter Elf Slayer/Magus
STR: 21 / DEX: 17 / CON: 14 / INT: 15 / CHA 15
“There's only one rule that I know of, babies—God damn it, you've got to be kind.”
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tumblr_lti6jmuyMH1qbixcf.gif

 

See you soon, right?  Cuz you're totally gonna come cheer the rest of us on?

RisenPhoenix, the Entish Aikidoka

Challenge: RisenPhoenix Tries to be Normal

 

"The essence of koryu [...is] you offer your loyalty to something that you choose to regard as greater than yourself so that you will, someday, be able to offer service to something that truly is transcendent." ~ Ellis Amdur, Old School

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<333333333

Raptron, alot assassin

6564636261605958 575655545352515049484746454443424140393837363534333231302928272625242322212019181716151413121110987 | 6 | 5 | 4 | 3 | 2 | 1

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Thanks for sharing. We love you. <3

 

thanks :) <3 you too

 

We're here for you, chica. Whatever you need. Don't forget that.

<3

<3

 

Echoing the others, <3 Anything you need. 

hugs.

 

**gets in line with the rest**

 

72f1025bdbc219e38ea4a491639a216b_zps4596

awwww

 

<3

thanks, buddy 

 

Food accountibilibuddies? (...foodabilibuddies? nomabilibuddies?)

Also love you! Anything you need you know you can just ping me! [emoji173]️

YES! buddies.

 

You weren't kidding, dats a long intro.

hah thanks, bro ;)

 

tumblr_lti6jmuyMH1qbixcf.gif

 

See you soon, right?  Cuz you're totally gonna come cheer the rest of us on?

noooo. unfortunately not :(

 

<333333333

 

<3

Welcome back nightlife. Sorry to hear you've been having such a rough trot. I hop you and your mom are both feeling better now and that the worst is behind you both.

Good luck on your challenge. The comeback ones are always the toughest, but I'm sure you'll do great.

thanks dawsy!

"Come with me if you want to lift" -The Brominator

"Later, I would learn that coincidences are the most planned things in the world. Later, I would learn that every single moment is a coincidence." - Douglas Coupland

"Anyone who doesn't want french fries every day is a commie." - AngelaTheGeek

Current Challenge

INSTAGRAM!!

find me on twitter

Link to post

updated with starting stats, supps, cals. 

 

more later, but my back is kind of effed again. 

"Come with me if you want to lift" -The Brominator

"Later, I would learn that coincidences are the most planned things in the world. Later, I would learn that every single moment is a coincidence." - Douglas Coupland

"Anyone who doesn't want french fries every day is a commie." - AngelaTheGeek

Current Challenge

INSTAGRAM!!

find me on twitter

Link to post

hugs.

 

I've definitely got hugs. You can have some if you're coming to Boston. Otherwise they'll have to be of the virtual variety, though those I can get to you sooner.

 

 

updated with starting stats, supps, cals. 

 

more later, but my back is kind of effed again. 

 

 

:( Heal up, chica.

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Sending you all my love! You're one tough chick! You amaze me! 

Count me in on the nomabilibuddies xoxoxo

aww thanks.

 

Hugs and subs and hugs and subs.

<3 you

"Come with me if you want to lift" -The Brominator

"Later, I would learn that coincidences are the most planned things in the world. Later, I would learn that every single moment is a coincidence." - Douglas Coupland

"Anyone who doesn't want french fries every day is a commie." - AngelaTheGeek

Current Challenge

INSTAGRAM!!

find me on twitter

Link to post

OK, Day 1 update.

 

Goal 1: Rehab, Rehab, Rehab.

Did the following stretching/exercises today: Note: I might be lenient on exercises and times per week because my back is kind of out again. more on that later. 

3x10 side to sides. (lay on your back, knees up, and gently twist the knees to the ground, but your spine must stay in contact with the floor.)

3x 30 sec each leg piriformis stretch

3x10 pelvic tilts (these hurt my left side)

3x10 bridges (not on my hands, to shoulders)

3x10 each leg, clam shells (usually do with a green band, did no band today, b/c of the flare up)

3x20 swimmies. (when you pick up one leg off the ground on your stomach, engaging the glutes and sort of swim) 

3x30 sec each leg samson stretch

 

Goal 2: Dani Two-Bricks

Food tracked on MFP. 

I will come in high on carbs. I needed to eat more carbs tonight because of the meds i take for my back when it's hurting. otherwise my stomach is upset. i'm still lower on calories, so i guess its ok... but not great. 

Cal: 900

CHO: 130g

PRO: 100g

FAT: 25g

 

i will probably try and eat some cheese later to up my fat a bit. i should probably eat more protein, but meh. just not feelin' it. as for the super low calories, all i've done today is lay on my ass, so...

 

Goal 3: Get Your Mind Right

 

Meds/Supps to be taken/when:

Morning: Vid D, Symbicort (Check)

Day: Tumeric (check)

Evening: Zoloft, Zyrtec, Fish Oil, ZMA or Natural Calm as needed.  (Check, ZMA)

 

Tonight i'll also take some time to write before i go to sleep. 

 

 

SO, the back. Saturday i did the following at the gym: 

5 squats with a PVC pipe in back squat position

~20 OHS with a PVC Pipe

15 good mornings with a PVC pipe

5x5 hip thrusts with a 35lb plate

 

My back felt sore when i woke up in the middle of the night, and i knew i over did it. i knew it was the good mornings. my original injury doesn't like good mornings when it's not happy. so now i'm back on meds, and hoping this will clear up soon and keep the aggravation low on the right side so the sciatica doesn't flare up again. also, (this is TMI, so boys look away) i got my period for the second time in two weeks. the MD told me the cortisone shot might mess with my cycle, but boy is it ever. 

 

We also got a recommendation for a surgeon (he's the head dude at one of the hospitals here in NYC) from the woman that did my breast reduction and my mom's surgery, (and will do her reconstruction) I called to make an appointment and he doesn't take my insurance. so just to see him it will be $300. I have the appointment for Thursday, but I think i'm going to cancel. I need to call another MD i found that looks promising to see if he takes my insurance. The $300 consult guy does take my NEW insurance, but that doesn't start till January 1, and if i need to have surgery, i would rather do it sooner than later. 

 

So that's that nerds. 

"Come with me if you want to lift" -The Brominator

"Later, I would learn that coincidences are the most planned things in the world. Later, I would learn that every single moment is a coincidence." - Douglas Coupland

"Anyone who doesn't want french fries every day is a commie." - AngelaTheGeek

Current Challenge

INSTAGRAM!!

find me on twitter

Link to post

Day 2 Update:


 


Goal 1: Rehab, Rehab, Rehab.


Did the following stretching/exercises today: some of them felt slightly better than yesterday, which is good.


3x10 side to sides. 


3x 30 sec each leg piriformis stretch


3x10 pelvic tilts (these hurt my left side, but a little less than yesterday)


3x10 bridges (not on my hands, to shoulders)


3x10 each leg, clam shells (green band)


3x20 swimmies. (when you pick up one leg off the ground on your stomach, engaging the glutes and sort of swim) 


3x20 each leg "marching" (lay on your back, keep low back in contact with the floor the whole time and march your feet to touch the ground and then up) 


3x30 sec each leg samson stretch


3x30 sec each leg figure 4 stretch


 


Goal 2: Dani Two-Bricks


Food tracked on MFP. 


weight today: 164 (AM)


not horrible. but not great. my problem when working from home is i eat so little during the work day, and then i am starving at around 5. so i come in low on calories, but macros aren't the best. i get a little bit of a pass because i'm hurting, but still. i might have some raspberries tonight later, if so i'll add them to MFP. 


Cal: 1060


CHO: 91g


PRO: 79g


FAT: 46g


 


again, not trying to eat such few calories, but i AM laying on my ass all day. this should right itself eventually.


 


Goal 3: Get Your Mind Right


 


Meds/Supps to be taken/when:


Morning: Vid D, Symbicort (Check)


Day: Tumeric (check)


Evening: Zoloft, Zyrtec, Fish Oil, ZMA or Natural Calm as needed.  (Check, ZMA. too hot in my apartment for natural calm)


 


I did not write last night, but i did listen to a podcast and read before i went to sleep. (not at the same time.)


 


I also did 10 minutes of house chores today. I did the dishes, gathered my recycling and put it in the recycling spot in my apartment, and took the trash down to the garbage. i also bought a banana on the way home so i can freeze it and make a protein shake for breakfast tomorrow to help get my eating back on track.


 


i'm also super stressed out tonight because my mom called earlier and said she had to go to the hospital. they are admitting her right now. she's had some difficulty healing due to a major bungle of her care while she was in the hospital. i'm hesitant to say too much because if this become a law suit, i don't know... but regardless, she has a fever, and redness around her incisions and has pain. She needed to be admitted to get IV antibiotics, which is tricky because she's allergic to almost all antibiotics. even vancomicyn. (yes, you read that right, the latin root is "to vanquish") so she is really nervous and i am really nervous. they are doing a CT scan tonight because her white count is elevated and they want to see where the fluid is building up under her incisions. this is so nerve wracking. i'm so grateful that all of the cancer is gone, but i just want so much for her to get better. this is such a hard thing to go through. i don't know if any of you have seen what it looks like when a woman has a double mastectomy (before reconstruction.) but it's hard. i just want this to be over for her. i want her to be able to get her new boobs and move on from this. 


 


i'm trying to stay calm and relaxed so my back gets better. it's hard. :(  i'm going to relax and try and do some reading and distract myself with TV for a while.


"Come with me if you want to lift" -The Brominator

"Later, I would learn that coincidences are the most planned things in the world. Later, I would learn that every single moment is a coincidence." - Douglas Coupland

"Anyone who doesn't want french fries every day is a commie." - AngelaTheGeek

Current Challenge

INSTAGRAM!!

find me on twitter

Link to post

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