Afraid to fail, yet I practice all the time

[ValkyrieGrace]

Derailed. Went off my schedule and then it all went down hill. I'm not going to lie, there was ice cream. And negative self talk. Week 2=fail Week 3=fail. No more! I keep doing the same things and expecting change! I keep have the same thought pattern and expecting different outcomes! I look at pictures of fit people and how I want to look and instead of feeling inspired and motivated, I feel depressed, resentful and jealous! No more! I have seen my body change and I know what I am capable of! Why, when we're afraid of failing, do we give up, which in turn, is failing!? I love a clean house. Seeing clutter and dirt bothers me, but then I get overwhelmed and ignore it instead of attacking it. I need to change. I need to grab the life I want to live. I keep expecting change to come to me instead of reigning it in myself. Today I vow to stick with the eating guidlines I set up for myself. I almost gave in before the day even started. I almost said, "eh, what's one more day of poor eating? I'll start tomorrow, today I'll treat myself." I have to stop thinking of poor eating as a 'treat' It's a trap!! It's not just one more day of treat eating, it's 27 years of bad eating, which is why I am where I am!! Everyday I need to renew my ambition and say, "I am worth it!" I'm sick of not feeling good enough. My goal is not to lose weight or even a pants size. Don't get me wrong, I won't be upset if I do lose weight. My goal is to be as fit and healthy as I can be. That's mental as well as physical. I want to be proud when I look in the mirror. I want to see me and not a jiggle or a roll, though they may be present. I want to look at my house and be proud, not disgusted. No more will there be a promise of tomorrow for productivity. It's today or nothing. It's today or nothing and nothing is not accetable!

 

I didn't really mean to rant, but I've been far too lenient on myself and let myself get lazy, when that's not how I want to be. I haven't posted for a few days because I was ashamed. I love seeing other people's gains and accomplishments, but I couldn't stand to look at them for a while because I was ashamed and embarrassed and I let it slide. Today I am going to clean. Today I am going to exercise for at least 20 minutes. Today I will be nice to myself. Today I will be proud. No more setting goals just to ignore them. 2015 will be my year and it starts now.

 

I actually posted this in my challenge thread on Sunday. Then I read the email this morning and said "Aha! I respawned and I didn't even know it!" Respawning is such an awesome way to think of it and I find it very empowering! It's three days into my 'next life' and the baddie hasn't killed me yet!

[Moxie Hart]

 

 

 Seeing clutter and dirt bothers me, but then I get overwhelmed and ignore it instead of attacking it.

 

This is so me! *hugs*

 

You can do it. <3 

[ValkyrieGrace]

Thanks Moxie! It's a terrible feeling, isn't it? *hugs*

I've started cleaning in 20 minute increments, just attacking one portion of any room. Most times I get into it and spend way more than just 20mins! I find it help to just look at, say, one section of my counter, and not the whole kitchen. Tunnel vision, for the win!

[ChristArtist]

I could copy your post and put it down for mine!

I just want to have a streak of doing the right thing for the right reasons...

I'm glad you are here!

[ValkyrieGrace]

Aw, I'm glad you're here ChristArtist! It's awesome knowing there are people who know exactly how you're feeling and what you're going through. I haven't read any of your posts (yet!) but I'm sure you've made some good choices along the way! I think a good idea is a brag book. All our accomplishments and good choices go in the brag book, no negativity! I a nice something to read through when we're feeling down.

[Noname123]

One small step at a time and you'll change before you know it You got this, start off 2015 with a you that's already kicked some habits!!!