Beam of the Turtle, Path of the Bear

[erosan]

Beam, where are you? You have not updated in like a whole month! (ok, 5 days)

[alienjenn]

She's been in chat so I know she's around [emoji14]

[mitch_dee]

No worries, a few of us have been on top of her...

[alienjenn]

[erosan]

I havent been able to log to IRC much lately T_T

[BeamofTheTurtle]

Beam, where are you? You have not updated in like a whole month! (ok, 5 days)

Lol, sorry. I don't know why I've been slacking with the forum updates. I've been doing this new excel sheet thing at home, but I promise to try and update regularly from now on

 

No worries, a few of us have been on top of her...

Lmao- I'm just going to let that one lie for now

[BeamofTheTurtle]

I don't remember what day I'm on, so we'll just stop counting.

 

I'm still keeping up with my workouts, and I'm already noticing a HUGE change. Last night, after getting out of the shower, I put on a pair of shorts that used to be ridiculously tight. They fit comfortably, and even had room to spare. I've only lost 17lbs, but have gained a crazy amount of muscle (inches don't lie). I'm honestly at the point where the only thing that fits me is my leggings- everything else is too loose. I even have to go bra shopping, which I haven't done in years, because the band can't be tightened any more. So, I'm really happy to see where I am at the end of the month (for my progress pics).

 

My workout: I had to back down in my weights, because I hurt my shoulder last week and couldn't complete a full workout, so I'm back down to last months ending stats, and rising again. I'm also adding the leg machine back into my workout, because I feel like I'm not hitting my quads, hammies, and glutes well enough. Which, is insane, because I already spend a long time in the gym. I wish I could remedy that, but I've got so much going on that 2.5 hours flies by. I haven't even been able to swim, simply because I feel like I've already been there too long when I'm finished. I might start incorporating the pool, only on Sundays, just so I can get into the water and relax.

 

Current Stats (5x5) for all workouts:

Squat: 165 (this is the workout I hurt my shoulder with, so I've dropped the weight down considerably)

Deadlift: 235

One Legged Deadlift: 20

Mil Press/Overhead: 55

Bench (Incline and Flat): 95

Barbell Curl: 50

Bent Row: 115

Triceps: 30

Shrugs: 30

Chin/Pull ups: .5W+30

Calf Raises: 90

Lat Raises: 20

 

I've also added cable workouts for my abs so I do not have to do Hanging Leg Raises any more, as they tend to hurt my lower back (very likely due to improper form). This workout is done 4xweek. Every gym day, with Saturday added in as an ab/cardio only day. Each exercise is done 3x30.

 

Ab Workout: 22lbs

High Cross Wood Chop

Wood Chop

Single Arm Press

Cable Crunch

Overhead Oblique Crunch

Oblique Crunch

Cable Press

Side Crunch

 

In addition, I've stopped warming up with cardio, as it was getting harder to get my heart rate where I wanted it without losing too much energy. Instead, I'm using only the bar to initially warmup (in every workout except bench). I have been doing 2x10 unweighted bar, 1x10 half weight, and then finally moving onto my sets. Starting next week, cardio is coming back and will move to the end of my workout. I have been running several times, due to high emotional stress, but, when I'm not angry cardio is the hardest thing to finish. I have several races coming up this summer, and I have to make sure I can run them. I'm planning to do the C25K program, just to see if I can get my mile down below 12 minutes.

 

Water is still the only thing I drink, besides the occassional glass of milk.

My diet has been better. I'm not eating junk food, or anything bad, but I'm also not eating. When I'm going through stressful situations (currently, the final dissolution of my marriage), I am not a binger. Instead, I shut down. I turn into a robot, and daily functions are carried out with autonomy. This, unfortunately, means I forget to feed myself until I'm so hungry I feel sick. It doesn't help that depression, anger, frustration, etc, all cause me to lose my appetite. I've purposely set time aside the past week to make sure I'm putting something in my mouth at least once a day. I haven't even attempted to track calories, because I know that it's not nearly enough- but as long as it's something, I'm doing better than I would have before. Also, chat is helping me- because they never stop talking about food

 

School starts on the next week, on Monday, as well as my Gracie Jiu-jitsu classes on Tues/Thurs. I'm hoping between the time I spend with my son, class, the gym, and MA classes, I won't have time to think about anything else. I've come way too far to go back. I'm seeing results I haven't seen since I was an althete in High School- and other people are taking notice of my hard work as well. I don't want to lose that because I can't control my emotions.

 

Until tomorrow!

[crash3400]

one thing that might help is splitting up your workouts.  rather than doing everydamnthing on one day, alternate upper/lower body, push day/pull day, target groups, etc  and scatter abs in wherever.  this'll free up a bit of time each workout and prevent total body annihilation.  either way, get it.

 

 

Lol, sorry. I don't know why I've been slacking with the forum updates. I've been doing this new excel sheet thing at home, but I promise to try and update regularly from now on

 

Lmao- I'm just going to let that one lie for now

 

hehehehehe

[BeamofTheTurtle]

Oh I don't do all that in one day- I just haven't updated in a while, so wanted to record my stats. Lol, just thinking about it makes me want to keel over and die.

[BeamofTheTurtle]

This past week has been pretty intense, and I'm proud to say that I'm still going strong.

 

Monday's workout:

1) Squat- 175 (back up to where I was)

2) Deadlift- 235

3) Mil  Press- 50

4) Bench-  85 (still hurting my shoulder, so not adding weight at the moment)

5) Barbell Curl- 50

6) Tricep Pull- 30

7) Chin ups- .5BW +25

8) O.L. Deadlift- 20 (this is the highest kettlebell my gym has )

9) Side wood chop- 25 (I love these!)

10) Wood chop- 25

12) Single arm press- 25

 

Tuesday's workout (I doubled up this week):

1) Squat- 175

2) Incline- 85

3) Overhead Press - 50

4) Side Lat Raises- did not do

5) Triceps- 30

6) Pullups- .5bw+25

7) Calf Raises- 90

8) O.L. Deadlift- 20

9) Wood Chop- 25

10) Side Wood Chop- 25

11) Single Arm Press- 25

 

Wednesday's Workout:

TRX class w/ 2min Box Jumps, 2min Rows 950RPM

This was super intense. It's a body weight suspended workout, and it was amazing. Two months ago, you could not have paid me to take that class- because I would have failed. Last night, I not only did the entire hour, I did it well. The only thing I struggled with was the core workouts, which I expected. However, walking out of class, in pain, and dripping of sweat, was exactly how I wanted to leave the gym. Last night was a testament to how far I've come, and I'm so proud of myself for getting here. And, when I woke up this morning, I was no longer sore (except my shoulder), so I'm proud of that too.

 

Water: I had a sip, literally, of sweet tea the other day at a restaurant, and it was disgusting. I ordered my usual water, and haven't looked back at my once favorite drink since. I've even cut back on milk, and haven't had it all week.

 

Diet: I've finally gotten my Paleo cookbooks, so I'm excited to see the different varieties of food I can cook for myself. I've eaten bread a few times over the past couple of weeks, but other than that- I've stuck to my diet completely.

 

For the first time in my life, even though it's only been two months, I'm starting to feel good about myself. When I walked into TRX class last night, and started doing exercises, I was proud to be able to keep up with the instructor (even though it was my first time). I was proud that I only started getting winded and fatigued 45 minutes in. I was proud that even though I walked in knowing I was going to fail, I walked out successful. Outside of the gym, I may not have any clue what I'm doing. I may still find it hard to talk to people, or believe I have anything but sarcasm to offer- but in that gym? I'm a completely different person. I am becoming, in that gym, who I've always pictured myself to be. Strong, capable, and determined. And, it's what has me coming back time and time again. I believe, one day, that I will wake up and have that feeling outside the gym, and when I do- the world better watch out, because I will light it ablaze. I just need to stop automatically discounting myself. Self-loathing is so unattractive, and I'm guilty of it every single moment of every single day.

 

I'm down another 7lbs over the last two weeks, but, I've noticed I couldn't care less. I only weighed myself last night out of curiosity, but the number on the scale did not bother me. I'm losing inches, and that is where my focus is. Tuesday, when I got dressed, I put on a pair of pants that used to be so tight they could have passed for a second skin. They were so loose, I could pull them up and down without unbuttoning them. They were falling off me the entire day, and it was magnificent. I've been having that experience all week, and I'm completely okay with that! I'm down an entire shirt size, as well- which is amazing. I know I'll need to go clothes shopping soon, but for now, I am going to revel in the fact that none of my clothes fit!

 

Until next time...

[childofscorn]

\o/

 

You're doing SO well, dearest!  I seems like you've gotten into a really good groove with your workouts and dieting, to the point where you don't have to think about them, but you're still pushing yourself every time you step into the gym.  That's a FANTASTIC place to be.  Keep up the good work! <3

[crash3400]

 

For the first time in my life, even though it's only been two months, I'm starting to feel good about myself. When I walked into TRX class last night, and started doing exercises, I was proud to be able to keep up with the instructor (even though it was my first time). I was proud that I only started getting winded and fatigued 45 minutes in. I was proud that even though I walked in knowing I was going to fail, I walked out successful. Outside of the gym, I may not have any clue what I'm doing. I may still find it hard to talk to people, or believe I have anything but sarcasm to offer- but in that gym? I'm a completely different person. I am becoming, in that gym, who I've always pictured myself to be. Strong, capable, and determined. And, it's what has me coming back time and time again. I believe, one day, that I will wake up and have that feeling outside the gym, and when I do- the world better watch out, because I will light it ablaze. I just need to stop automatically discounting myself. Self-loathing is so unattractive, and I'm guilty of it every single moment of every single day.

 

I'm down another 7lbs over the last two weeks, but, I've noticed I couldn't care less. I only weighed myself last night out of curiosity, but the number on the scale did not bother me. I'm losing inches, and that is where my focus is. Tuesday, when I got dressed, I put on a pair of pants that used to be so tight they could have passed for a second skin. They were so loose, I could pull them up and down without unbuttoning them. They were falling off me the entire day, and it was magnificent. I've been having that experience all week, and I'm completely okay with that! I'm down an entire shirt size, as well- which is amazing. I know I'll need to go clothes shopping soon, but for now, I am going to revel in the fact that none of my clothes fit!

 

Until next time...

 

this.  right here.  yes ma'am.

 

 

you are a badass.

[erosan]

I cannot like your post enough.

[BeamofTheTurtle]

this.  right here.  yes ma'am.

 

 

you are a badass.

 

Aw, that made me tear up. You think I'm a bad ass Also, you know I love me some Deadpool, lol

 

I cannot like your post enough.

Thank you, Erosan!!!

[BeamofTheTurtle]

I'm going to need to start setting a reminder to update this. I want to be able to come back a year from now and see where I was.

 

My workout Monday went great. I've actually started wearing a sweatshirt at the gym because I wasn't sweating during my workout; this concerned me, as I wasn't sure if my heart rate was staying elevated. I can say with confidence that Monday this was not an issue. I was soaked. And, it was glorious. I actually am becoming someone who enjoys walking out of the gym looking a mess.

 

Also, I hit my 6th month goal for Deadlift. Monday of this week, I deadlifted 270lbs a single time. I was so proud of myself, I damn near cried in the gym. I was also able to do 2x5 195 in squats. The very last rep, I didn't think my body was listening to me anymore, and I thought I was going to drop the weight- but I somehow pushed and stood straight.I took off 10 lbs, and finished the other three sets with no problems. I failed my last rep on the bench, doing 5x5 of 100, but, I'm still excited that I did 24 without failure, because I've been stuck at 95 for what seems like forever now. I've also increased my ab workout from 25 to 30lbs, and am still feeling it two days later. Barbell curls- 50, Overheads-50, Tricep pulls-30, Pullups BW+35, Leg Presses 205.

 

Tonight is TRX, and I'm excited. I think I love the gym more than I love video games, and that's saying something.

 

Water: psh. Duh.

Diet: I'm still on pointe, but I've stopped tracking my calories. So I need to get back on that.

 

<3 Until next time.....

[erosan]

yay for Beam!

[BeamofTheTurtle]

Yesterday's TRX class (with HIIT) went so well. I was even able to work past the DOMS in my stomach from Monday (5lbs extra on that cable machine was apparently the ticket). The hour flew by, and I walked out of the class drenched and sore. I woke up this morning feeling great, with no pain- so my recovery time has been pretty consistant at less than a day (minus the cable chops).

 

Tonight, my friend wanted to go to the gym (she's not on a consistent schedule like I am)- so we're trying a Zumba class since I'm not risking lifting tonight. I love to dance, but I'm not used to taking direction while I do it- so we'll see how it goes

 

I'm updating, because I just realized the date. Today is January 22, 2015. That means I have been smoke-free for 100 days. One-Hundred. I like that number. I like higher numbers, too- but 100 is an excellent place to start.

[erosan]

yes! 100 is an excellent number. I like any number that is a multiple of 10. makes math super easy.

[childofscorn]

Love your face! I'm so proud of you for so many reasons.

[BeamofTheTurtle]

Love your face! I'm so proud of you for so many reasons.

/me blushes. Love your face, too

[BeamofTheTurtle]

So last night, Zumba. I won't be doing it again any time soon. It's not that it was hard, it's just that it was not good for my self-esteem. Over the last couple of months, I have been doing really good about pushing out of my head when I start getting on myself (it helps that I've been seeing steady results), but last night, watching myself flail about in a room of mirrors- while my social anxiety kicked into overdrive, was not helpful. I spent most of the night, afterward, hating on myself. Specifically, my hips and the fact that after weeks of hard work, they're still not a size 2.

 

However, this morning, I woke up with new resolve. I cannot fit into a size 2, but I also cannot fit into the pants I started off with, either. Did I look like an idiot, and not a very skinny one, in Zumba class last night? You bet your happy ass I did- but I tried it. I lasted the entire class, without giving up. And, while I was there, I remember thinking how stupid I looked with my sweats falling down. Why I couldn't realize how awesome that was last night, I don't know- but it is. Sweats that were once tight, are no longer able to stay up on hips that last night made me cry. These hips that bore a beautiful child, that help me deadlift 270lbs, that allow me to take for granted that I can walk/run/move. They are not perfect, but they don't need to be to be enough.

 

I didn't get here overnight. It took a few years of poor choices and medical issues. It will not be overnight that I go back either. I can press on my stomach and feel hard muscle there. I have thighs that even sitting down cross legged on the couch feel SOLID. My collar bone is starting to show again. I am making progress. It's as if I'm working from the inside out- slowly developing the body I want, under the body I have, so I can one day just shed it and spread my wings. I am a butterfly, living as a catapillar. This moment in my life is the chrysalis. I can either give up and cry because my hips aren't perfect- living forever as a catapillar; or, I can push on, and wake up one day with wings the color of rainbows.

 

I choose to be the butterfly.

[crash3400]

this makes me happy.  not because zumba sucked but let's be honest, zumba is only fun for people with extra joints and snake people.  i'm not ashamed to say that i've tried it and felt like a drunken walrus the whole time.  no no, despite all that shiz, you can still see what's important.  

 

i don't have any butterfly .gifs.  but... do a happy dance.

[erosan]

I'd look ridiculous trying to zumba, no matter how much I weigh or how fit I am… two left feet.

You've done great so far and making incredible progress. Always remember that.

[BeamofTheTurtle]

this makes me happy.  not because zumba sucked but let's be honest, zumba is only fun for people with extra joints and snake people.  i'm not ashamed to say that i've tried it and felt like a drunken walrus the whole time.  no no, despite all that shiz, you can still see what's important.  

 

i don't have any butterfly .gifs.  but... do a happy dance.

Drunken Walrus? I'm going to be completely honest and tell you I really want to see that, now You know I adore you, right? You keep me positive, and it means the world to me <3 (Also, Psych Happy Dance Gif totally trumps a silly butterfly gif)

 

I'd look ridiculous trying to zumba, no matter how much I weigh or how fit I am… two left feet.

You've done great so far and making incredible progress. Always remember that.

Thank you so much, Erosan I hope your challenge is coming along swimmingly!

[erosan]

it is! thanks for asking.

week 3 is almost done and I'm still going strong.

… you know what I just realized?

It just dawned on me that you can deadlift 122+ kilos!

(Imperial never made sense to me, so I just googled it.)

Hundred twenty two something kilos. You could pick me up, while I hold my kid… and still be like:

"nope, not feeling it. is this all you've got?"

And you worry about how you look at zumba? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

122.5 kg… That is BADASS.