Sloth: The Man with the Hammer

[EricMN]

23 hours ago, Sloth the Enduring said:

Powderhorn 24 Race Report. 

 

Tl;dr. 200 miles. 27th of 88 solo male starters.

*removes a whole butt-ton of really awesome stuff for reply brevity*

I would have done a few things differently if I knew what to expect, but I have no reason to be disappointed with my performance. 

This sounds awesome, brother. I hope it was as enjoyable as you made it sound. And 27/88 - and 11 or 12 out of 88 - is pretty damned solid.

 

1 hour ago, Sloth the Enduring said:

My next event is the Terrain Race on the 25th. I’m very meh on it right now. Mostly because it’s not a biking event. And also because my body is jacked up from only cycling in the last six months or so. I’m positive I can run a 5k (not fast right now), but I don’t know if I can do monkey bars. I am, however, looking forward to slapping @EricMN on the ass every time he laps me. 

Terrain Race is going to be a fun run for me and I'm leaving for a wedding in Denver, have to be to the airport by 11 a.m, and will need to be off the course by 10 a.m. at the latest. If in two weeks I'm as fat and slow and in as bad a headspace as I feel right now, it's going to be one lap and done. What's your start time?

[Wild Wolf]

On 8/9/2018 at 3:25 PM, EricMN said:

 

I was hoping there were birthday tacos. Happy Belated, Brother.

 

 

 

Dang. I missed your birthday! Wait...no I didn't! I said something on FB! WOOT WOOT! I feel a better now. I was gonna say I'm a crappy friend, but I guess I'm decent enough, lol.

 

1 hour ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

You've been hanging out with @Wolfpool again haven't you?

 

I have no shame for being known for this  

 

 

Wolf

[Sloth the Enduring]

9 hours ago, jstanlick said:

 

Wow!! That's a lot of frickin' miles!! It kinda seems like you did just fine to me. I completely agree, no reasons at all.

 

That's even better!!!

 

 

Thanks brother. 

 

8 hours ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

Even a broken clock is right twice a day.

You've been hanging out with @Wolfpool again haven't you?

 

Hah. We haven’t talked to her in years except for the occasional email, but all signs point to her being rational right now. 

 

I’ve learned that a little work and the yard looks OK, a lot of work and it still only looks OK. I’m not willing to put in the amount of work needed to make it look good instead I’ve been doing the bare minimum. 

 

I don’t need a ton of encouragement to slap ass. 

 

9 hours ago, shaar said:

So do you get to choose the flash tattoo subject, or does some brother named Dirk just slap a Batman symbol on ya and set you free??

 

CONGRATS!  That all sounded amazingly exhausting, dang, 3 hours and I'd be crying on the side of the road somewhere I'm sure...

 

Thanks. Batman would be cool. Everyone got a stylized PH24 to commemorate the race. 

 

7 hours ago, EricMN said:

This sounds awesome, brother. I hope it was as enjoyable as you made it sound. And 27/88 - and 11 or 12 out of 88 - is pretty damned solid.

 

Terrain Race is going to be a fun run for me and I'm leaving for a wedding in Denver, have to be to the airport by 11 a.m, and will need to be off the course by 10 a.m. at the latest. If in two weeks I'm as fat and slow and in as bad a headspace as I feel right now, it's going to be one lap and done. What's your start time?

 

It wasn’t bad. Probably the first race, out of the hundreds I’ve done, where I haven’t beat myself up about it later.

 

I must say, I’m more than a bit disappointed that I won’t get multiple opportunities to witness your brachiating badassery. I Doubt I signed up before 10:00. I’ll try to show up early to cheer you on. 

 

ETA: @EricMNfound my registration. 10:30 wave. Are you in the 8:00 competitive wave?

 

6 hours ago, Wolfpool said:

 

Dang. I missed your birthday! Wait...no I didn't! I said something on FB! WOOT WOOT! I feel a better now. I was gonna say I'm a crappy friend, but I guess I'm decent enough, lol.

 

 

I have no shame for being known for this  

 

 

Wolf

 

It was a good birthday greeting brother. You’re not so bad. 

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

2 hours ago, Sloth the Enduring said:

I’ve learned that a little work and the yard looks OK, a lot of work and it still only looks OK. I’m not willing to put in the amount of work needed to make it look good instead I’ve been doing the bare minimum. 

I see we belong to similar schools of thought on this matter.

[Bearlee]

Since this was an underground race couldn’t you just make up your own rules and say that you placed on the podium? But that was an awesome sounding race. However I would much rather do trails with gravel, rocks, and trees then this race with cars and people (shudders). So after the race did you use the butter in the gloves to slather up some corn on the cob? Perhaps butter in the glove will be the next fad? And they were going to charge you to put a tattoo of their race on your body? They should be paying you for that.

 

Doesn’t seem like you and EricMN will see each other at the race. I would be disappointed if you didn’t utter “I feel a disturbance in the force” every time he came around to lap you.

[Shello]

Sounds like a really great race.  It seems like a terrible race for being in a bad head space.  It must be so easy to stop at any given lap.  You are a badass for sticking it out. 

[EricMN]

21 hours ago, Sloth the Enduring said:

I must say, I’m more than a bit disappointed that I won’t get multiple opportunities to witness your brachiating badassery. I Doubt I signed up before 10:00. I’ll try to show up early to cheer you on. 

 

ETA: @EricMNfound my registration. 10:30 wave. Are you in the 8:00 competitive wave?

Yep, 8 am competitive wave. I had mistakenly thought that it was an 8:30 start. I might get two laps in after all. Check in at the Biggest Team tent, if I'm not on the course I won't be far from there.

[WhiteGhost]

Getting in here late but still wanted to say great job on the race!  

[Sloth the Enduring]

On 8/13/2018 at 7:42 PM, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

I see we belong to similar schools of thought on this matter.

 

I’ll tell you what, when I first moved in here I gave it a real effort - the crazy neighbor called me “Hank Hill” and “the premier neighbor” - but I moved the yard from terrible to okay and plateaued. 

 

18 hours ago, Bearlee said:

Since this was an underground race couldn’t you just make up your own rules and say that you placed on the podium? But that was an awesome sounding race. However I would much rather do trails with gravel, rocks, and trees then this race with cars and people (shudders). So after the race did you use the butter in the gloves to slather up some corn on the cob? Perhaps butter in the glove will be the next fad? And they were going to charge you to put a tattoo of their race on your body? They should be paying you for that.

 

Doesn’t seem like you and EricMN will see each other at the race. I would be disappointed if you didn’t utter “I feel a disturbance in the force” every time he came around to lap you.

 

Hah. They didn’t actually have a podium. Officially they’re a community ride and not a race.  I assume so they don’t have to get certain permissions and police help.  

 

I don’t think I’d want to put butt butter on my food. My brand of choice:

 

The race was almost free and they did a great job organizing it. I guess I can’t blame someone for trying to make a little money. 

 

Imma try to show up early to watch Eric race. Maybe I’ll learn something. Maybe all I’ll do is spectate. 

 

14 hours ago, Shello said:

Sounds like a really great race.  It seems like a terrible race for being in a bad head space.  It must be so easy to stop at any given lap.  You are a badass for sticking it out. 

 

Thanks. I always race with a bad head space. Getting out of it was a huge, big deal. The only other race I dont have headspace issues is the Hammer Race because I can’t feel bad about anything when I’m wielding a sledge. It was especially easy since the race was exactly one short block from my house. I think I was too dumb to stop, I put too much importance on hitting 200 miles. Next year Imma get a top ten. 

[Sloth the Enduring]

25 minutes ago, WhiteGhost said:

Getting in here late but still wanted to say great job on the race!  

 

Thanks  

 

There’s no late around here.  Come and go as you wish. It’ll probably get boring next week when I get back to work. 

[Sloth the Enduring]

Speaking of boring.  The last two day have been pretty quiet. 

 

Monday - This was a planned day off. The neighbors had to get a sewer main replaced. Which was a bummer for them, but it left a huge sand pile in their yard. All the neighbors with kids were there to play in the sand. The parents sat around and talked and the homeowners brought out homemade cider, chips, and salsa. It was a nice day. 

 

Oh, this was the day the foster dog went in to get her leg chopped off, but they had an earlier surgery that went long and they’ll have to do it on Thursday. As soon as she went back on the market one of Slothboy’s friend’s family immediately said they wanted to adopt her because they had already fallen in love with her. That was easy. 

 

Tuesday - Mrs, Sloth worked in the morning while I did a little yard work. The plan was The Missus would take the kids to the zoo and I’d get a ride in then. One of Slothgirl’s friends needed a place to be while her dad went in to work or school or something* so she came over and was going to come along.  Mrs. Sloth invited a friend for Slothboy too so the girls wouldn’t pick on him.  The boy that came along is always getting lost and losing his things so I came along to shepherd the boys.  When I dropped him off he went toward the wrong house and I had to show him where he lived. We ran some errands after we dropped the kids off and suddenly it was too late to ride. 

 

At the zoo I saw kangaroos doing it. They were surprisingly lethargic but long lasting, like sloths; they were not sproingy at all. 

 

Right now I’m waiting up really late because a cousin is driving through and is picking something up to deliver to a cousin in Montana.  They’re going to have to come in and I’m going to have to socialize in the middle of the night when I just want to go to bed. 

 

That reminds me, we all seem to have picked up Slothgirl’s sleeping sickness. We must have the worst immune systems. 

 

*Since we’re around a lot during school holidays we tell all the kid’s friend’s parents that we can watch their kids if they need, but almost no one takes us up on it. 

[WhiteGhost]

4 hours ago, Sloth the Enduring said:

At the zoo I saw kangaroos doing it. They were surprisingly lethargic but long lasting, like sloths; they were not sproingy at all. 

You, sir, always have the best updates.  You clearly have a very different definition of boring than I do  

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

I saw that Kangaroo post on FB. The last time I was at the zoo with small kids (my sister's) it was the Lions going at it.

[deftona]

Once at the zoo, a chimpanzee took a shine to me. He kept trying to give me gifts through the glass, and trying to mate with me (I won't go into details, I'm sure you can imagine). I walked away and kept going back to his enclosure to see if he recognised me and he did. He was always happy to see me.

There were signs up all over the enclosure saying how they were trying to get him to mate with the three female chimps they put him with but he wasn't interested. I guess your either born with it or you aren't, lady chimps.

Anyway, we went back to the zoo a few months later and he ghosted me. I've never used Tinder but I imagine the experience feels a bit like this.

[DJtrippyT]

30 minutes ago, deftona said:

Once at the zoo, a chimpanzee took a shine to me. He kept trying to give me gifts through the glass, and trying to mate with me (I won't go into details, I'm sure you can imagine). I walked away and kept going back to his enclosure to see if he recognised me and he did. He was always happy to see me.

There were signs up all over the enclosure saying how they were trying to get him to mate with the three female chimps they put him with but he wasn't interested. I guess your either born with it or you aren't, lady chimps.

Anyway, we went back to the zoo a few months later and he ghosted me. I've never used Tinder but I imagine the experience feels a bit like this.

 

Okay, Sloth's battle log is the only thread that I get phone notifications for  (because I can't find it otherwise) and when this came thru and I read it on my phone I thought Sloth had written it and boy it was EVEN WEIRDER THAT WAY

[shaar]

10 hours ago, Sloth the Enduring said:

 

 

 

THIS IS A REAL THING?!!?!  I'm scared to Google it on the work computer......................

 

33 minutes ago, deftona said:

Once at the zoo, a chimpanzee took a shine to me. He kept trying to give me gifts through the glass, and trying to mate with me (I won't go into details, I'm sure you can imagine). I walked away and kept going back to his enclosure to see if he recognised me and he did. He was always happy to see me.

There were signs up all over the enclosure saying how they were trying to get him to mate with the three female chimps they put him with but he wasn't interested. I guess your either born with it or you aren't, lady chimps.

Anyway, we went back to the zoo a few months later and he ghosted me. I've never used Tinder but I imagine the experience feels a bit like this.

 

Oh my actual lord above this is the content I come to Nerd Fitness for 15/10 GOOD STUFF RIGHT HERE.

 

 

 

I've only really seen the backyard bunnies doing it and it's as expected, 2 second jackhammer and see ya never.

[DJtrippyT]

2 minutes ago, shaar said:

 

 

I've only really seen the backyard bunnies doing it and it's as expected, 2 second jackhammer and see ya never.

 

so, also exactly like a Tinder hook-up

 

 

[Mrs Van]

12 hours ago, Sloth the Enduring said:

When I dropped him off he went toward the wrong house and I had to show him where he lived.

Seriously???   Probably too many thoughts racing through his head.

12 hours ago, Sloth the Enduring said:

*Since we’re around a lot during school holidays we tell all the kid’s friend’s parents that we can watch their kids if they need, but almost no one takes us up on it. 

We do this too, within limits, and only one friend has taken us up on it on various occasions.

 

Glad you got someone for foster-dog, and all the best for her operation (finally) on Thursday.

[Sylvaa]

Catching up!

 

I saw the kangaroo post and loved it! 

 

Also, Terrain Races are my current favorite! They are just hard enough to make you push yourself while still letting you feel like you've tried. So enjoy it!

[EricMN]

16 hours ago, Sloth the Enduring said:

At the zoo I saw kangaroos doing it. They were surprisingly lethargic but long lasting, like sloths; they were not sproingy at all. 

Sproingy is one of my all-time favorite adjectives.

[Sloth the Enduring]

18 hours ago, WhiteGhost said:

You, sir, always have the best updates.  You clearly have a very different definition of boring than I do  

 

What? We ran errands, went to the zoo, ran more errands, and hung out at home. Dullsville. 

 

14 hours ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

I saw that Kangaroo post on FB. The last time I was at the zoo with small kids (my sister's) it was the Lions going at it.

 

I had this friend in college and every time we went to the zoo (we were pretty cool back then) at least one set of animals would do it.  He was some sort of captive animal fertility god. Your nieces/ nephews must have been enthralled. 

 

14 hours ago, deftona said:

Once at the zoo, a chimpanzee took a shine to me. He kept trying to give me gifts through the glass, and trying to mate with me (I won't go into details, I'm sure you can imagine). I walked away and kept going back to his enclosure to see if he recognised me and he did. He was always happy to see me.

There were signs up all over the enclosure saying how they were trying to get him to mate with the three female chimps they put him with but he wasn't interested. I guess your either born with it or you aren't, lady chimps.

Anyway, we went back to the zoo a few months later and he ghosted me. I've never used Tinder but I imagine the experience feels a bit like this.

 

Did you have a red butt when you came back or only the first time?

 

13 hours ago, DJtrippyT said:

 

Okay, Sloth's battle log is the only thread that I get phone notifications for  (because I can't find it otherwise) and when this came thru and I read it on my phone I thought Sloth had written it and boy it was EVEN WEIRDER THAT WAY

 

Are you saying you don’t think chimps would find me sexy?!?

 

 I’m going to need this book

 

 

13 hours ago, shaar said:

 

THIS IS A REAL THING?!!?!  I'm scared to Google it on the work computer......................

 

 

Oh my actual lord above this is the content I come to Nerd Fitness for 15/10 GOOD STUFF RIGHT HERE.

 

 

 

I've only really seen the backyard bunnies doing it and it's as expected, 2 second jackhammer and see ya never.

 

They can’t fire you until you train in your replacement.

 

lots of good stuff on my thread. Y’all are the best. 

 

Poor bunnies. 

 

DZ Nuts is real. It’s a high end substitute for Chamois Butt’r.  It keeps you from chafing or getting saddle sores.  I only use it for epic races so I figure I can splurge on my nether regions. 

 

Hee’s a review.

 

13 hours ago, DJtrippyT said:

 

so, also exactly like a Tinder hook-up

 

 

 

Every time I read about your dating experiences I get a little sad. I also think they deserve a wider audience than my little thread. You should make your dating the subject of your next documentary. 

 

10 hours ago, elizevdmerwe said:

Seriously???   Probably too many thoughts racing through his head.

We do this too, within limits, and only one friend has taken us up on it on various occasions.

 

Glad you got someone for foster-dog, and all the best for her operation (finally) on Thursday.

 

He’s a little space case. Thanks, hold your thumbs tomorrow. Or right now, I’m not exactly sure how the date line works. 

 

9 hours ago, Sylvaa said:

Catching up!

 

I saw the kangaroo post and loved it! 

 

Also, Terrain Races are my current favorite! They are just hard enough to make you push yourself while still letting you feel like you've tried. So enjoy it!

 

You might have been the the one who talked me into this in the first place...

 

7 hours ago, EricMN said:

Sproingy is one of my all-time favorite adjectives.

 

Not much call for it, but I’ll try to slip it in as much as I can. 

[Sloth the Enduring]

8/16/18 Wednesday. 

 

Everyone slept late (sleeping sickness). We eventually went to the mall for back-to-school shopping so I could be even more broke. Slothgirl didn’t like any of the typical stores because they didn’t have anything black. I finally offered to take her to Hot Topics but Mrs. Sloth vetoed that idea.  I don’t actually know if they sell kid-sized clothes. 

 

I’ve been talking about riding with a team for a couple of years now.  I finally feel strong enough to survive a team ride.  I’ll need to do it if I want to bump up my biking fitness.  Today I almost went,  but at the last minute I decided I didn’t want to deal with the peopling. It’s a good thing I didn’t because all of my Lycra smells terrible. Even fresh out of the laundry it smells like the inside of a hockey bag. 

 

I did my usual 32 mile / 52km ride. Once I finally got warmed up (12 miles or so) I felt pretty fast. 

 

Once I got home I put all of my Lycra, clean or dirty, in the washer at the hottest, heaviest setting. Hopefully by tomorrow it won’t smell like it’s been lining a wolverine’s den. 

[Mrs Van]

1 hour ago, Sloth the Enduring said:

hold your thumbs tomorrow. Or right now, I’m not exactly sure how the date line works.

It's tomorrow here already. I work on us being on avg 6-7 hours ahead of you guys. Will hold my thumbs and toes for her.

I had a good laugh reading through all this just now. Thanks for starting my day off on a cheery note.

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

10 hours ago, Sloth the Enduring said:

That's oddly specific. How would that book help me if someone hurt me in say 12 steps?

[shaar]

10 hours ago, Sloth the Enduring said:

 

DZ Nuts is real. It’s a high end substitute for Chamois Butt’r.  It keeps you from chafing or getting saddle sores.  I only use it for epic races so I figure I can splurge on my nether regions. 

 

oh my actual god this is a real thing too?!1!?1! DROP KICK ME JESUS there is a world of uh, sports-related body lubricants I never even knew existed............. this is FASCINATING STUFF.  You heard it here first folks, straight from Nerd Fitness.

 

9 hours ago, Sloth the Enduring said:

Slothgirl didn’t like any of the typical stores because they didn’t have anything black. I finally offered to take her to Hot Topics but Mrs. Sloth vetoed that idea.  I don’t actually know if they sell kid-sized clothes. 

 

 

A girl after my own heart.

 

They do sell kid-sized clothes.  Also online.

 

19 minutes ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

That's oddly specific. How would that book help me if someone hurt me in say 12 steps?

 

I sense a book writing opportunity in your future..........