Sloth: The Man with the Hammer

[starpuck]

Omg... hockey teammate just posted this....

 

It's a real thing!

https://sobadsogood.com/2018/05/25/life-your-best-sloth-life-giant-realistic-sloth-suit/

 

[Mrs Van]

12 hours ago, Starpuck said:

Omg... hockey teammate just posted this....

 

It's a real thing!

https://sobadsogood.com/2018/05/25/life-your-best-sloth-life-giant-realistic-sloth-suit/

 

We need a WOW! reaction button!

[Xena]

On 9/10/2018 at 3:00 PM, Sloth the Enduring said:

Monday - it was raining when I had a block of time to ride.  We saw the Teen Titans movie at the cheap theater.

Tuesday - it was raining when I had a block of time to train.  

Wednesday - it was gorgeous out, but I got a text that MIL changed her plans and was going to stay with us so I cleaned the house.

Thursday - I had some time and got 25 miles in.  Minimal Effective Dose.

Friday - we packed up and went to a state park to camp near our nephew's wedding.  It was nice, they had BBQ, I walked in the woods with the kids to look for coyotes when we got bored.

Saturday - I got a 30 mile ride in and went to the wedding.

Sunday - we did a long family hike.  Sign said rugged, but it was pretty easy.  Came home.

 

Yeah, that sounds like life. Lots of good stuff in there (plus the dubious pleasure of cleaning the house for the MIL), but oh so frustrating from a training standpoint.

[Sloth the Enduring]

On September 11, 2018 at 11:34 AM, elizevdmerwe said:

Oh my word! I would have freaked out for sure.

 

This wedding sounds great! Glad you had some good family time, walking around, sightseeing, having BBQ.

And woot! for two rides during the week.

 

The wedding was great.  Two rides is pretty meager, but better than nothing.

 

On September 11, 2018 at 11:41 AM, Jittersthe.Clown said:

How was the TT movie? Kid want to go see it. I think I do too.

 

It wasn't terrible.  Probably worth the $2 matinee price.  There were lots of butt and fart jokes so Slothboy was cracking up the whole time.  

 

Or it was me, but one of us couldn't stop laughing at butt jokes.

 

On September 11, 2018 at 12:13 PM, Sylvaa said:

 

You know, as someone who once had to have stitches in her tongue, this statement didn't even phase me. . . 

 

That must have been a good one.  The doctor and nurses repeatedly told us that they almost never stitch tongues because they heal well and quickly.

 

On September 12, 2018 at 4:42 AM, WhiteGhost said:

That reminds of a time when I was about 8 or 9 years old.  We lived right on the edge of town so if walked out the front door and across the street we were literally in the foothills.  One day my neighbor and I (about the same age as me) discovered there was a coyote that had been prowling around our tree fort, so we decided we wanted to try and catch it.  We spent all day digging a giant pit (actually about 2 feet deep, but we thought it was enormous  ), and put sharpened sticks in the bottom of the pit and covered it with sticks and then covered those with grass.  Then we tied a big piece of meat from the rope to the tree fort (which was right above the pit) and went home for the night expecting to have caught ourselves a coyote by the next morning. 

 

Needless to say we were sorely disappointed (and out a big chunk of meat) when we showed up the next morning    

 

That's pretty cool.  These days you'd set up a web cam and watch it steal your meat.

 

On September 12, 2018 at 8:26 AM, cn3wton said:

I come back to talk of coyotes and re-attaching tongues? Good to see things are still interesting in sloth world.

 

hah.  It's good to see you again brother.

 

On September 12, 2018 at 9:26 AM, Starpuck said:

Man, I gag every time I brush my tongue while brushing my teeth, so this recent turn of conversation has me Eeryurrrk! 

 

Ugh.  I have an easy gag reflex too.  I swear I'm going to vomit on the dental hygienist one day.

 

21 hours ago, Starpuck said:

Omg... hockey teammate just posted this....

 

It's a real thing!

https://sobadsogood.com/2018/05/25/life-your-best-sloth-life-giant-realistic-sloth-suit/

 

 

Uhh... that's... I mean... That's creepy.  I love sloths and all, but something about this is unsettling.  Maybe it's the backwards brake levers.

 

8 hours ago, elizevdmerwe said:

We need a WOW! reaction button!

 

We need a lot more choices.

 

4 hours ago, Xena said:

 

Yeah, that sounds like life. Lots of good stuff in there (plus the dubious pleasure of cleaning the house for the MIL), but oh so frustrating from a training standpoint.

 

Early in the year I'd ride in the rain, but its hard to get going for that with only one race left (I'm going to die).

[Sloth the Enduring]

Monday - Not much of note.  I did family stuff after school and in the evening. No riding.  I meant to to a night ride, but I was very tired.

 

Tuesday - MIL left.  Everyone relaxed.  I did 25 road miles after dark.  I did it on my mountain bike to make sure everything was in good working order.  I figured out a good route for night riding ; it's mostly secluded bike paths and mostly avoids going into the suburbs.  I can easily scale it up to 40 miles.  Ideally I'll do this a lot this winter.

 

Wednesday - No riding.  I watched the kids and ran some errands and went to bed.  School is still mostly going well, but extroverting for a living is exhausting.

 

Since I don't have anything else to type about, here's Slothgirl's tongue story.

This was a long time ago, five or six years ago.  She was about three-and-a-half.  She was always very active and a daredevil.  We were trying to get ready to go out somewhere and running late.  In that situation little kids always go bonkers making it even harder to get going.  As best as we can piece together she jumped off of our bed onto Slothboy (a toddler at the time)and hit her chin on the top off his head. 

 

I heard a crash, Slothgirl screaming and Slothboy crying.  I ran in and it looked like a murder scene.  There was blood everywhere.  I don't remember much of the next few minutes, but in about 30 s. we were in the car and heading to Children's Hospital.  The streets were narrow and we got stuck behind a big van going about 10 mph.  I was laying on the horn which made him go about 5 mph.  Fucker.

 

In the emergency room no one thought it was an emergency.  They kept telling us that children bite their tongues all the time and it is never a big deal no matter how drastically it's bleeding. They did, however, put us in a room because people were staring at the little girl covered in blood.  Hours later, after I was freaking out and frantically pacing while snuggling Slothgirl, a lowly new doctor came in repeating the line that bit tongues weren't a big deal.

 

When she finally took a look her eyes got wide and I swear she said, "Holy shit.' But that might be a false memory that illustrates how fast the emergency room went from zero to ninety.  She excused herself for a surgery consult.  I don't know what she said, but the surgeon was there in about 90 s.  He asked a few questions mostly about when she ate last and other pre surgery questions and they got her into surgery really quickly.

 

The surgery went well but there was some sort of minor complication in the recovery room (BP?) that warranted staying a couple of days in the hospital.  Mrs. Sloth and I don't watch TV; at this point Slothgirl might not have ever even seen TV.  So she was enthralled with the hospital TV.  I stayed with her since she was most definitely a daddy's girl.  We watched the movie Rapunzel on repeat for the entire two days.  It's not bad, it stands up to repeated viewings.

 

She still totally freaks out when she bites her tongue even though she doesn't remember the incident.

[starpuck]

Oh man.  What a story on that tongue!

 

You floor me with your night rides and a plan to ride in winter... you're further north than I, and once it hits 60, my inner ears can't handle any cool wind in them.

Southern wuss right here!
 

[Sloth the Enduring]

I’m at my last race of the year.  I’m really excited for it. It’s been a while since I could say that. I do wish I had maintained my fitness better. And brought rain gear. 

 

Im running late.  I’m still in line but have 30 minutes to get lined up. 

 

ETA: I made it. They’re expecting 1.5” if rain during the race. This is going to be epic

 

This is what 2000th place looks like. I’d like to pass 1000 people.

 

[WhiteGhost]

Enjoy the race!!!

[Elastigirl]

Have a great time and don't drown!

[deftona]

I hope you had a great race! 

[Sloth the Enduring]

On 9/13/2018 at 3:46 PM, Starpuck said:

Oh man.  What a story on that tongue!

 

You floor me with your night rides and a plan to ride in winter... you're further north than I, and once it hits 60, my inner ears can't handle any cool wind in them.

Southern wuss right here!
 

 

Hah. I’d much rather ride in the warm, sunny weather. I used to really like night rides, but I stopped a few years ago when I crashed and broke a knuckle. The thing is, it gets dark really early this far north so you almost have to ride at night if you want to maintain some fitness. 

 

On 9/15/2018 at 9:36 AM, WhiteGhost said:

Enjoy the race!!!

 

Thanks.  I did. 

 

23 hours ago, Elastigirl said:

Have a great time and don't drown!

 

Thanks.  It didn’t rain.  In fact the sun came out making it hot and humid (my preferred racing conditions).

 

8 hours ago, deftona said:

I hope you had a great race! 

 

Thanks.  It was great enough. 

[Sloth the Enduring]

Thursday - 10 mile ride to loosen up.  Nothing else of note. 

 

Friday - 10 mile ride to loosen up.  We went to the local Catholic school’s festival. I dropped a sloppy joe down my leg. It looked like I had explosive diarrhea.  Just in time to start running into my students. I have a student who is a girl that dresses like a boy and has a crew cut and uses a boy’s name. I called her a him and the family got upset. [emoji20] no beer since I had a race coming up. Prolly the first time I didn’t drink at a Catholic event since I was a Catholic school boy myself. 

 

Saturday - I overslept a bit. The weather report looked perfect, but I drove into a thunderstorm and it was raining at the race. I would have turned around but I already flaked out on two races this year. I got there with barely enough time. I rolled up to the line just before the race was starting. They were warning us about the rain and washed out trails. Luckily the rain didn’t materialize. Instead the sun came out and baked the mud bringing the humidity to pert near 100%. 

 

I really like the start of this race. You can see Main Street ahead of you wall-to-wall with bikes and throngs of people cheering. I got a bit emotional- made me wonder if my brain meds were working or if thy needed an adjustment. The first couple of miles down the highway were good, I moved up a bunch of places. 

 

This race is like mountain biking in the 80’s - Jeep track, double track, ski trails, gravel roads, hiking paths - as soon as we hit the dirt I revised my goal downward. The course was muddy and mucky and hard to pedal through. I was having a good time though, whenever someone around me complained I said something like, “I’m having a hoot.”  I saw lots of crashes, but my muscle memory from a youth spent winter biking kept me upright. 

 

I didn’t know what shape my legs were in so I kept the cadence high to keep the load on my lungs. It must have worked, I didn’t notice my legs until mile 18. The miles were ticking by really quickly, like there was a glitch in the matrix. Maybe I was really in the zone and just didn’t notice time. Prolly the matrix thing though. I might say it was the rum from the pirates,  but I only had the one shot. Despite nearly 2000 racers, I spent the whole race with the same 15 people. I faded near the end and they all finished ahead of me. 

 

I wanted to finish in 3:15 in the top 1000. I finished in 4:10 in 1010th place. 

 

Results aside, I felt so much better than I did last year. Not even a hint of cramping which has always been an issue in long races. I feel like I’ve leveled up as an endurance racer. 

 

Obligatory muddy bike shot:

 

After a tall blond and a huge huge plate of (terrible) tacos I drove home. The Mrs. and I had tickets to Liz Phair. It was a good show.  The manager threatened to not let me in because my license was expired or to not let me drink (I didn’t anyway), but after looking my info up online she let me in. Lots of super fans in the audience. I saw LP twice in the 90’s once acoustic and once solo electric.  This time she had a full band which was pretty cool. 

 

This is not my video and the sound is bad, but it’s from last night’s show. It’s a similar view as the one I had except I was on the other side of the stage. 

 

 

I’m not going to worry about biking for a while (I’ll still ride if I get a slot of time with good weather). I’m taking today off and then I have four weeks to prepare for the hammer race. I’m not sure how yet.  Maybe jogging, Shovelglove, and farmer walking the pink KB when I walk the dog. 

 

[shaar]

Man your race descriptions always leave me wheezing and I'm just sitting here on my deck doing absolutely nothing.  That sounds exhausting.  HELL YEAH THOUGH YOU DID IT.  I'M HAVING A HOOT!!!!!

 

Frick I always forget how much I love Liz Phair, that show must have been great.  I dunno how you went to a show after a race though, I would probably have died for 2 weeks.  But you know, you're Sloth.

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

Congrats on not cramping, that's a huge deal.

[Elastigirl]

Well done on the race. And double congrats at being carded at the club and told you didn't look old enough to be 21.

[DJtrippyT]

Race sounds awesome! I’m so glad you did well but even gladder that you had fun with it. 

 

Totally freaked out by the tongue story though 

[Moros]

Congrats on the race!  The tongue story reminds me how many grey hairs you get as a parent...

 

 

[WhiteGhost]

Way to go on the race.  Enjoyed the race review 

[Mrs Van]

23 hours ago, Sloth the Enduring said:

I wanted to finish in 3:15 in the top 1000. I finished in 4:10 in 1010th place. 

That is still very impressive!

 

23 hours ago, Sloth the Enduring said:

Results aside, I felt so much better than I did last year. Not even a hint of cramping which has always been an issue in long races. I feel like I’ve leveled up as an endurance racer. 

 

Obligatory muddy bike shot:

Yip, that wants to be done! Well done, sir!

[cn3wton]

Great job man!

[Shello]

On 9/16/2018 at 11:40 AM, Sloth the Enduring said:

We went to the local Catholic school’s festival. I dropped a sloppy joe down my leg. It looked like I had explosive diarrhea.  

one of the many reasons I love your thread. 

 

On 9/16/2018 at 11:40 AM, Sloth the Enduring said:

I feel like I’ve leveled up as an endurance racer.

Well done on the race! 

 

 

[Xena]

Congrats on passing about 990 people :-)

 

On 9/16/2018 at 12:40 PM, Sloth the Enduring said:

 Despite nearly 2000 racers, I spent the whole race with the same 15 people.

 

This is what makes it kind of fun.

 

On 9/16/2018 at 12:40 PM, Sloth the Enduring said:

I have a student who is a girl that dresses like a boy and has a crew cut and uses a boy’s name. I called her a him and the family got upset.

 

eek. Does the student want to be called him, or is that still unclear?

[Sloth the Enduring]

On 9/16/2018 at 11:45 AM, shaar said:

Man your race descriptions always leave me wheezing and I'm just sitting here on my deck doing absolutely nothing.  That sounds exhausting.  HELL YEAH THOUGH YOU DID IT.  I'M HAVING A HOOT!!!!!

 

Frick I always forget how much I love Liz Phair, that show must have been great.  I dunno how you went to a show after a race though, I would probably have died for 2 weeks.  But you know, you're Sloth.

 

HELL YEAH! Is indeed something I said in the race as we were sliding through the slime. 

 

Coincidently Liz is on the radio right now.  She really was great. A very different vibe from the 90’s when she was shocking and was the proto-riot grrrl, now it’s a big happy nostalgia fest. 

 

My dance style is such that most people would confuse it with standing around, so it isn’t that hard to go to a show, except Mrs. Sloth wanted to go out after too.  I was dead, totally dead, the next day. 

 

On 9/16/2018 at 1:16 PM, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

Congrats on not cramping, that's a huge deal.

 

It truly is. My life is a whole lot better now. 

 

On 9/16/2018 at 2:46 PM, Elastigirl said:

Well done on the race. And double congrats at being carded at the club and told you didn't look old enough to be 21.

 

Thanks. I think the head full of grey kept them from thinking I was 20. They check everyone entering this club.  The back of Minnesota’s license lists legal restrictions, they’re looking for alcohol restrictions. I’m guessing someone got overserved and sued them. 

 

I’m going to renew it tomorrow. Although if I wait another month I’ll get the new enhanced ID and I won’t have to fly with a passport. I’m nervous about driving though. 

 

On 9/16/2018 at 7:15 PM, DJtrippyT said:

Race sounds awesome! I’m so glad you did well but even gladder that you had fun with it. 

 

Totally freaked out by the tongue story though 

 

Hah.  I kind of wish we had pictures of the whole incident. We were too freaked out to think of it. 

 

On 9/16/2018 at 8:01 PM, Moros said:

Congrats on the race!  The tongue story reminds me how many grey hairs you get as a parent...

 

 

 

Thanks.  It’s true, before I had kids my hair was black. 

 

17 hours ago, WhiteGhost said:

Way to go on the race.  Enjoyed the race review 

 

Thanks. I omitted a lot.  

- I saw a bobcat running along with rabbit in it’s mouth

- A guy in front of me was going around a giant puddle, slid out, and did a huge face plant in the puddle. 

- This was my favorite moment, we were drifting sideways around a downhill curve (not on purpose) the guy in front of me crashes trying to straighten out at the bottom. I shout, “Are you okay?”  As he says, “I’m good.” My rear wheel hit his bike which bounced my bike straight and I stomped on the pedals powering away. 

— I came in too hot at the first feed zone.  As I tried to grab a cup my hand hit it too hard and it exploded all over the poor volunteer who was standing in the woods trying to help us out. I feel pretty* bad about that one. 

 

*Minnesotan for very. 

 

10 hours ago, elizevdmerwe said:

That is still very impressive!

 

Yip, that wants to be done! Well done, sir!

 

Thanks  

 

10 hours ago, cn3wton said:

Great job man!

 

Thanks brother. 

 

8 hours ago, Shello said:

one of the many reasons I love your thread. 

 

Well done on the race! 

 

 

 

The fact that I’m willing to over share my embarrassing moments?  Or Sloppy Joe talk?  I’ve decided they’re the perfect pre-race food. They’re good enough that you can eat a whole bunch, soft white bread and the sauce are full of carbs, they’re packed with sodium, and you’re probably eating them with salty chips and pickles which are cramp preventatives. 

 

Man, I wish I had a sloppy Joe right now.  And tater tots.

 

 

1 hour ago, Xena said:

Congrats on passing about 990 people :-)

 

 

This is what makes it kind of fun.

 

 

eek. Does the student want to be called him, or is that still unclear?

 

I cannot overstate how much I love passing people.  If I ever get a better starting gate I may go to the back row again just to pass more people.

 

 I did almost all of my passing in the first few miles and then maintained.  In my splits I was 1002nd, 1025th, 1015th (IIRC), and finally 1010th. 

 

I just deleted a bunch of text; I’m usually wrong when I talk about sexuality and gender... The student has never stated a preference.  BTW, our school has a lot of problems, but it the most accepting of people’s individuality of any school I’ve been in.

[Sloth the Enduring]

9/16/18 Sunday - I was truly dead.  I got up, ate, fell asleep.  The family and I went to a neighborhood fest that was happening around the corner.  It was small, a stage for live music and a couple of food trucks. There were a bunch of neighbors there, which was cool. 

 

When we were home and I finally got around to cleaning my bike (I haven’t assessed the damage yet) Mrs. Sloth noticed I was covered in a sheet of sweat and shaking.  She insisted I lay down and got me a cool beverage. She thought I over taxed my body and it was clearing out the inflammation and was out of glycogen. Could be, but she didn’t need to say I was too old to be treating my body that way. 

 

Anyway, I watched a little TV.  I saw a few Big Bang Theory episodes.  I know of the show, but I don’t think I’ve seen a full episode before. I’m assuming the ones I saw were after it jumped the shark. I also saw a couple episodes of Xena Warrior Princess.  I have seen all of those before.  As far as I’m concerned they have stood the test of time. 

 

 

9/17/18 Monday. 

 

I got very very little sleep last night.  I kept waking up shaking in a pile of sweat.  I threw up over and over as I tried to get ready for work. 6:30 is too late to call in for a sub and I would have had to go in anyway to get things ready for her so I just went into work. It wasn’t an easy day. I was still woozy at the end of the school day. I called in for a sub tomorrow and got my stuff together.  

 

I skipped breakfast and lunch and just had rice and veg for dinner. I’d go to bed, but I’m steeling myself to eat something. 

 

No fitnessing.  I laid around all evening, but didn’t watch any awesome TV. 

[Elastigirl]

Ugh, hope you feel better soon.