Sloth: The Man with the Hammer

[Wild Wolf]

Dude, I lol'd for real with the comment about asking your wife to flash the soldiers... whew.. man that was funny. So funny in fact that I had to read it to my wife and repeat at least 3 different times about how excited I was to meet you and the rest of the Sloth fam

 

Safe travels Brother Sloth! I'll be seeing you soon

 

Wolf

 

 

"Maximum Effort!"

[Sloth the Enduring]

Dude, I lol'd for real with the comment about asking your wife to flash the soldiers... whew.. man that was funny. So funny in fact that I had to read it to my wife and repeat at least 3 different times about how excited I was to meet you and the rest of the Sloth fam [emoji4]

 

Safe travels Brother Sloth! I'll be seeing you soon [emoji4]

 

Wolf

 

 

"Maximum Effort!"

 

I'm stoked to meet you all too. I gotta warn you, I'm pretty quiet in real life.

[DJtrippyT]

On 6/27/2017 at 9:55 PM, Sloth the Enduring said:

We got to Atlanta a few hours after I told @DJtrippyT we'd be there, but she was still willing to meet. She picked out a Takqueria right off the beltway with easy parking. The GPS sent me to the heart of downtown through hellush traffic into the hipster district. It was worth it to hang out  with Trippy and eat Korean Tacos. 

 

You are too kind, it was fun to hang out and you got to see my bike :-)

 

That place was so good I went back today (although to the beltway location) and this time I got the sesame-chili-sea salt fries with my takos. OMG. Dude. It's causing me actual physical pain to know you missed out on those. 

 

3 hours ago, Xena said:

 

It makes me so happy that two of my favorite people that I've never met were hanging out and eating hipster fusion tacos :-)

 

Mrs. Sloth is even more fun in real life than expected. Sloth, of course, is awesome.

 

 

[Sloth the Enduring]

6/28/17 Thursday

 

It was a good day. I decided to skip riding and do a long one tomorrow. We had a perfect day weather wise; the sun finally came out. We spent all day at the beach. Despite my native blood, my base tan, and the spf 50 Mrs. Sloth insisted I wear, I ended up sunburnt. I was 18 before I first got sunburnt, but the older I get, the more easily I burn.

 

Have I mentioned the dogs? The closest dune walk-over is the entrance to the town's dog beach. We're at the beach surrounded by dogs. It makes it even better. Also crabs. I gave a crab a grape and soon three of them were playing soccer with it. It was surreal.

 

I don't know how to spoiler on a phone, if you're squeamish go away and come back tomorrow.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Still here? We decided to walk to the nearest pier for ice cream and fish tacos. It was a little over 3 miles each way. My penis was chafing against the built-in mesh underwear in my swimsuit as we walked. Despite adjusting several times there was a bloody spot in the front of my shorts when we got back. That part was not the good day part. It's tender and it hurts to pee. I think it'll heal up quickly though, it doesn't look injured. The worst part is I didn't even get any fish tacos.

 

I brought snacks with, but I didn't eat anything at all in between breakfast and dinner. We went out to a nice sea-side restaurant and two margaritas on an empty stomach threw me for a loop.

 

Tomorrow we pack up and go MIL's to reunite with the kids.

[Xena]

I've had some pretty bad chafing from running, but that sounds like a whole different level. Ouch!

[Yasha92]

"And I didn't even get any fish tacos" made me crack up. I don't know if that's the same slang in America as it is in Australia, but due to your injury I can see why you wouldn't have got any *hoot hoot* hope you heal quickly!

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[WhiteGhost]

8 hours ago, Sloth the Enduring said:

 Despite adjusting several times there was a bloody spot in the front of my shorts when we got back.

 

Speedos, bro!  

 

Sure they ride up your crack, but you don't get all the chafing  

[Sylvaa]

Just now, Yasha92 said:

"And I didn't even get any fish tacos" made me crack up. I don't know if that's the same slang in America as it is in Australia, but due to your injury I can see why you wouldn't have got any *hoot hoot* hope you heal quickly!

 

This is the best response ever.

 

If you have one near you, Old Navy Outlets had bathing suits without the mesh lining for like $12 two weekends ago - they might still be on sale (or on sale again for the holiday). 

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

I met my downstairs neighbors, and the husband looks like he could be related to sloth, not identical, but similar facial features, similar facial hair, similar expressions, it's weird.

[LouCarJo]

On 27/06/2017 at 3:20 AM, Xena said:

I want to stick up for the Gilmore Girls. It is indeed a ridiculous show, but I pretty much live in that town. I didn't really recognize it until my mom and brother pointed it out to me. They still live in the Chicago area where I grew up (not at all like the show).

 

We have all those silly little festivals, and I usually know someone when I walk into a store. I even dated the guy that owns the local coffee shop (like on the show). The town is full of smart retired people with too much time on their hands, so lots of people volunteer for good causes, but lots of people also stir up bits of trouble and complain about things. Case in point...the town newspaper...letters to the editor are EXTENSIVE. And wow, there are weird little dramas. But it's mostly a nice little town and I have good friends who look out for me. ,

 

Anyway, in some ways the show is a more clever version of my actual life. Except for the part about rich parents/grandparents. I don't have those.

I'm glad someone does.  I don't usually watch drama on tv at all but really got into this in the first few series and got mocked horribly for it.  Your actual life now sounds fun to me!

[deftona]

I hope your penis is ok today. 

[Bearlee]

On 6/28/2017 at 10:18 PM, Sloth the Enduring said:

Still here? We decided to walk to the nearest pier for ice cream and fish tacos. It was a little over 3 miles each way. My penis was chafing against the built-in mesh underwear in my swimsuit as we walked. Despite adjusting several times there was a bloody spot in the front of my shorts when we got back. That part was not the good day part. It's tender and it hurts to pee. I think it'll heal up quickly though, it doesn't look injured. The worst part is I didn't even get any fish tacos.

 

Tomorrow we pack up and go MIL's to reunite with the kids.

 

Is this a humble brag? Even after adjusting still too much manliness and got chafed. Sorry to hear about the injury though. On the bright side Kevin Smith the film director I like had a similar injury on his first date with his future wife and he's been milking that story for 20 years, so maybe you will have a future in Podcasting or speeches on the college circuit.

 

Good luck with the MIL. On her turf now, no where to run.

[Sloth the Enduring]

On 6/28/2017 at 11:09 PM, DJtrippyT said:

P

You are too kind, it was fun to hang out and you got to see my bike :-)

 

That place was so good I went back today (although to the beltway location) and this time I got the sesame-chili-sea salt fries with my takos. OMG. Dude. It's causing me actual physical pain to know you missed out on those. 

 

 

Mrs. Sloth is even more fun in real life than expected. Sloth, of course, is awesome.

 

 

 

I love checking out people's bikes, it's my favorite thing about most people.

 

Mrs. Sloth is the social aspect of this pairing, I just sit around and look pretty. 

 

Don't tempt me any more with your takos. I'm a weak man. 

 

On 6/29/2017 at 6:38 AM, Xena said:

I've had some pretty bad chafing from running, but that sounds like a whole different level. Ouch!

 

Yes, it was just like that, only farther south. 

 

 

 

This is is one of the reasons why I quit running. 

 

On 6/29/2017 at 8:14 AM, Yasha92 said:

"And I didn't even get any fish tacos" made me crack up. I don't know if that's the same slang in America as it is in Australia, but due to your injury I can see why you wouldn't have got any *hoot hoot* hope you heal quickly!

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

That was indeed on the Thursday night agenda and I didn't get any at all. Now Mrs. Sloth is sunburnt and doesn't want to be touched. 

 

On 6/29/2017 at 8:16 AM, WhiteGhost said:

 

Speedos, bro!  

 

Sure they ride up your crack, but you don't get all the chafing  

 

I've never tried them. Might be worth a shot. 

 

On 6/29/2017 at 8:16 AM, Sylvaa said:

 

This is the best response ever.

 

If you have one near you, Old Navy Outlets had bathing suits without the mesh lining for like $12 two weekends ago - they might still be on sale (or on sale again for the holiday). 

 

If the blood washes out I'm cutting the lining out. 

 

On 6/29/2017 at 9:53 AM, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

I met my downstairs neighbors, and the husband looks like he could be related to sloth, not identical, but similar facial features, similar facial hair, similar expressions, it's weird.

 

I get that a lot. If you've seen one sloth you've seen them all. 

 

14 hours ago, LouCarJo said:

I'm glad someone does.  I don't usually watch drama on tv at all but really got into this in the first few series and got mocked horribly for it.  Your actual life now sounds fun to me!

 

She's a real, live marine biologist!  She's living the dream. 

 

12 hours ago, deftona said:

I hope your penis is ok today. 

 

A tiny scar, but otherwise okay. I haven't tested the functionality yet. 

 

12 hours ago, Bearlee said:

 

Is this a humble brag? Even after adjusting still too much manliness and got chafed. Sorry to hear about the injury though. On the bright side Kevin Smith the film director I like had a similar injury on his first date with his future wife and he's been milking that story for 20 years, so maybe you will have a future in Podcasting or speeches on the college circuit.

 

Good luck with the MIL. On her turf now, no where to run.

 

No one would listen to my podcast. Too much dead air. 

 

It's not too much manliness, too much goat sack behind pushing everything forward. 

 

MIL and Mrs. Sloth are crabbing at each other. I've retreated to the patio where no one else will go because of the sauna-like weather. 

[Sloth the Enduring]

6/29/17 Thursday

 

It was a good day.  I thought we'd rent a kayak and look for manatees in the river, but Mrs. Sloth wanted to stay out of the sun. She is sunburnt everywhere. She wore a bike-short looking suit to protect her white heinie and that somehow got sunburnt too.  She was pretty crabby about it.  We packed up and moved on. 

 

After reconnecting with the kids I went on a sort-of long ride (46 miles/ 74km) around a lake. I'm starting to feel like a cyclist again, but I'm slow. 

 

Rules for for riding in Florida:

1. It's windy af.  You will always fight the wind, as soon as you think you're going to have a tailwind it'll shift around into your face.

2. No matter how clear and sunny it is when you leave, at some point you will be stuck in a thunderstorm. 

3. The guys in big, black trucks will honk at you, every single one.  They're not being jerks, they're warning you they're there and would prefer not to run you down. 

 

Training:

No yoga, no KBs. I'm starting to feel jacked up again.

Riding: 46 miles endurance pace. 

 

Eating: good except for a gallon of sweet tea.  We had lunch in a real Florida diner and the waitress who called me sweetie kept filling it back up and I kept chugging it down. Sweet tea is a compulsion. 

 

Accts not balanced. My bank card quit working. There was a security breach and they sent out new cards and cancelled the old ones. I probably recycled it with the junk mail.  I'm stuck using a credit card until I get home. 

[Wild Wolf]

On 6/28/2017 at 9:57 PM, Sloth the Enduring said:

I'm stoked to meet you all too. I gotta warn you, I'm pretty quiet in real life.

 

You better be stoked! Lol

 

That's perfectly fine sir  Just ask Tank, I can probably hold the conversation for the both of us if need be. I'll try not to be too....energetic? In your face? I dunno what I'm trying to say, but basically I'll be more docile.

 

1 hour ago, Sloth the Enduring said:

A tiny scar, but otherwise okay. I haven't tested the functionality yet.

 

The next question is.....How is Mrs. Sloth's sunburn coming along???

 

Wolf

[Elastigirl]

When we went to Florida noone else was interested in going to see the Manatees. We did the Disneyworld/ Universal Studios  stuff, which was great, but I really want to go and do all the wildlife stuff next time.

 

Sweet tea is nasty stuff.

[EricMN]

Man, I go away for a week and it takes me another week to catch up.

 

On 6/20/2017 at 8:10 PM, Sloth the Enduring said:

6/20/17 Tuesday

 

It was a good day.  I reminded myself why MIL doesn't like me.

 

All the siblings and their spouses went to my sister-in-laws house to have a meeting about finances, end-of-life care, inheritances, etc.  [As background info., MIL loves drama, being the center of attention, and can never tell if I'm serious or joking].  We were all seated around the dining room table and it was kind of tense.  It felt like the big reveal on a reality TV show.  It started with a long melodramatic speech by MIL.  After a long time I interrupted with, "You know I'll pull the plug."  Everyone looked at me with jaws slightly agape and cracked up.

 

After that every time it got a bit tense someone would make a joke about it at my expense.  It was a jerk move on my part, but just what the group needed.  MIL was furious with me, but to her credit she kept it inside.  Mrs. Sloth wasn't too happy either.

I have done this and got the same response. And then I've done it again, later. I think we're the same person, except I am so pale I am practically transparent.

 

On 6/21/2017 at 10:08 PM, Sloth the Enduring said:

That's exactly right.  Lest y'all think I'm over-dramatising her love of drama, Mrs. Sloth kept our wedding secret from her mother until she showed up at our door just before the wedding started because Mrs. Sloth didn't want to deal with anything that would be stirred up..

Maybe she's channeling my late father. The day of my wedding to my small monsties' mom, I had to remind him that the day was not about him and I wasn't above beating him to death with a tire iron to keep him from screwing it up.

 

On 6/28/2017 at 9:57 PM, Sloth the Enduring said:

On 6/28/2017 at 9:38 PM, Wild Wolf said:

Safe travels Brother Sloth! I'll be seeing you soon

 

Wolf

I'm stoked to meet you all too. I gotta warn you, I'm pretty quiet in real life.

If memory serves, the Wolf man fills silence with awesome. Looking forward to refreshing my memory.

 

2 hours ago, Sloth the Enduring said:

6/29/17 Thursday

 

It was a good day.  I thought we'd rent a kayak and look for manatees in the river, but Mrs. Sloth wanted to stay out of the sun. She is sunburnt everywhere. She wore a bike-short looking suit to protect her white heinie and that somehow got sunburnt too.  She was pretty crabby about it.  We packed up and moved on. 

...

Eating: good except for a gallon of sweet tea.  We had lunch in a real Florida diner and the waitress who called me sweetie kept filling it back up and I kept chugging it down. Sweet tea is a compulsion. 

Sweet tea is evil. Waitstaff down south look so confused when I ask for the straight black stuff.

 

43 minutes ago, Elastigirl said:

Sweet tea is nasty stuff.

QFT.

[Elastigirl]

3 minutes ago, EricMN said:

Sweet tea is evil. Waitstaff down south look so confused when I ask for the straight black stuff.

 

The first time I had sweet tea was in Texas as a kid. I took a big sip, expecting my normal tea, and just about spit it out.

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

2 hours ago, EricMN said:

Sweet tea is evil. Waitstaff down south look so confused when I ask for the straight black stuff.

In Texas (at least south Texas) people order unsweet often enough restaurants keep plenty of both on hand as a matter of course. Some will only serve unsweet, but never the other way around.

[DJtrippyT]

6 hours ago, Sloth the Enduring said:

11 hours ago, deftona said:

I hope your penis is ok today. 

 

A tiny scar, but otherwise okay. I haven't tested the functionality yet. 

 

[falls on floor laughing]

 

Do other websites have these conversations?

 

6 hours ago, Sloth the Enduring said:

  On 6/29/2017 at 8:16 AM, WhiteGhost said:

 

Speedos, bro!  

 

Sure they ride up your crack, but you don't get all the chafing

 

obligatory:

 

[deftona]

6 hours ago, Sloth the Enduring said:

A tiny scar, but otherwise okay. I haven't tested the functionality yet. 

 

Well be sure to keep us posted, we're all very invested now. 

[Sloth the Enduring]

11 hours ago, Wild Wolf said:

 

You better be stoked! Lol

 

That's perfectly fine sir  Just ask Tank, I can probably hold the conversation for the both of us if need be. I'll try not to be too....energetic? In your face? I dunno what I'm trying to say, but basically I'll be more docile.

 

 

The next question is.....How is Mrs. Sloth's sunburn coming along???

 

Wolf

 

I figured that about you.  You're the yang to my yin.  You be you, we'll get along just fine.  And if we don't we can go outside and brawl. 

 

Still tender. 

 

10 hours ago, Elastigirl said:

When we went to Florida noone else was interested in going to see the Manatees. We did the Disneyworld/ Universal Studios  stuff, which was great, but I really want to go and do all the wildlife stuff next time.

 

Sweet tea is nasty stuff.

 

I love the wild side of Florida.  It's a shame the countryside is so fragmented now. There is a panther in MIL's gated community because most of it's territory was developed, soon there won't be any left in this part of the state. 

 

We always make it a point to balance out the glitzy stuff with more mellow nature stuff when we come here.  There's a state park that has wild monkeys that escaped from a movie, but we haven't seen them yet. Maybe next time. 

 

9 hours ago, EricMN said:

Man, I go away for a week and it takes me another week to catch up.

 

I have done this and got the same response. And then I've done it again, later. I think we're the same person, except I am so pale I am practically transparent.

 

Maybe she's channeling my late father. The day of my wedding to my small monsties' mom, I had to remind him that the day was not about him and I wasn't above beating him to death with a tire iron to keep him from screwing it up.

 

If memory serves, the Wolf man fills silence with awesome. Looking forward to refreshing my memory.

 

Sweet tea is evil. Waitstaff down south look so confused when I ask for the straight black stuff.

 

QFT.

 

I look forward to hanging out with you brother. 

 

9 hours ago, Elastigirl said:

The first time I had sweet tea was in Texas as a kid. I took a big sip, expecting my normal tea, and just about spit it out.

 

The first time I had real southern sweet tea was in a tiny catfish diner in Kentucky. It was like the nectar of the gods.  That was also where I discovered the wonder that is fried pickles. 

 

7 hours ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

In Texas (at least south Texas) people order unsweet often enough restaurants keep plenty of both on hand as a matter of course. Some will only serve unsweet, but never the other way around.

 

Actual question, is Texas like the rest of the south?  I always figured it had it's own culture. 

 

5 hours ago, DJtrippyT said:

 

[falls on floor laughing]

 

Do other websites have these conversations?

 

 

obligatory:

<img class="ipsImage ipsImage_thumbnailed" data-extension="gallery_Images" data-fileid="https://rebellion.nerdfitness.com/index.php?/gallery/image/17304-ccc10fe30e8abbb7406e8ab847c3ed82jpg/" src="https://rebellion.nerdfitness.com/uploads/monthly_2017_06/large.ccc10fe30e8abbb7406e8ab847c3ed82.jpg.e525974760164a44da24eb62d5717fa3.jpg" alt="large.ccc10fe30e8abbb7406e8ab847c3ed82.jpg.e525974760164a44da24eb62d5717fa3.jpg" />

 

 

No lie, I saw one of these in real-life worn non-ironically. It was years before the movie.  Jacked Italian guy on the beach. IIRC it had a Union Jack on it.

 

5 hours ago, deftona said:

 

Well be sure to keep us posted, we're all very invested now. 

 

You may need some patience. 

[WhiteGhost]

12 hours ago, Sloth the Enduring said:

3. The guys in big, black trucks will honk at you, every single one.  They're not being jerks, they're warning you they're there and would prefer not to run you down. 

 

This is like China except it is all the trucks and busses (and probably more than half the cars). No joke, the first thing to wear out on most cars here is the horn.

[EricMN]

16 minutes ago, Sloth the Enduring said:

Actual question, is Texas like the rest of the south?  I always figured it had it's own culture.

I've been told by Southerners (from Tennessee, Alabama and Mississippi) that Texas is NOT in "the South". We need a ruling.

[Sloth the Enduring]

6/30/17 Friday

 

It was a good day.  After the kid's week of all-out fun, we kept it mellow.  In the morning we met one of Mrs. Sloth's imaginary friends and our kids played in a splash pad.  I got bored and wandered off and found a bike shop where I bought another pair of shorts. 

 

After lunch the ladies ran an errand. I played about a dozen games of Uno with Slothboy until I proclaimed him Grand Champion of the World. And did some Yoga - it was very painful, I need to keep the habit up.  

 

I was scheduled to ride after they got back from shopping, but they were gone for like five hours. It started raining about two miles in; it felt like being pelted with 1/4" ball bearings. It was foolish to keep going, but if I turned back I'd have been crabby that I couldn't ride and would end up having to talk about why it is important that I have time to train.  It seemed like a better idea to instead defy common sense. 

 

A bolt of lightening close enough to make my hair stand up changed my mind.  I hid under the awning of a boiled peanut shack* until the storm passed and I finished my ride.  I brought a dead snake home and left it on the patio for the kids to find.

 

Training:

Yoga - 15 minutes.

KB - S&S warmup at 12 kg, no actual work.

Riding - 24 miles at an endurance pace, but it was stupid windy and it may have been a tempo ride. 

 

Eating - good, except too much lemonade. 

 

Accts not balanced. I have to make some calls and pay bills that won't be covered by bank card. 

 

*It was really an overpass, but it's a better story this way.