Minimalism, and the minimalist lifestyle

[Guzzi]

 

11 hours ago, Raincloak said:

As for gifts, once the present is given, its job of conveying the giver's feelings for you is done.  Don't bother keeping the item unless you actually like it or it gives you a warm fuzzy sensation.

 

 

^This. Definitely this. 

[mightstone2k]

As for gifts, once the present is given, its job of conveying the giver's feelings for you is done.  Don't bother keeping the item unless you actually like it or it gives you a warm fuzzy sensation.

 

 

 

 

Noted

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[Raincloak]

Making piles of her stuff failed to convince my mother to declutter, but I just loaned her "Life Changing Magic" and that got her going.  A week later their place looks a bit less cluttery, and they finally asked my brother to pick up some of the stuff that's been sitting in his old bedroom since high school (we're both 31 now).

 

Now if I could just get Dad on board.  He's not a big shopper, but once an item enters his possession, it doesn't leave.  I think if Mom didn't weed the closet periodically he'd still be wearing clothes from the 1980s.  Are there any decluttering books for straight middle aged men?

[TMedina]

 

Well, as long as the clothes still fit...

 

Hrm.  Not as such - most of the decluttering books I've found tend to be written by women; which is not to say they're not *not* for straight, middle-aged men.

 

A little bit of digging turned up a couple of possibilities you might check out (from the library) before investing the coin:

 

https://www.amazon.com/Peter-Walsh/e/B001H6TYNK/ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_107?qid=1484028101&sr=8-107

The author, Peter Walsh, has a number of books on organizing, decluttering, and essentially a flavor of minimalism, although none of the blurbs ever use the buzz word.

 

Unstuff Your Life, by Andrew Mellen (well, it's written by a guy)

https://www.amazon.com/Unstuff-Your-Life-Completely-Organize/dp/1583333894/ref=sr_1_7?ie=UTF8&qid=1484027940&sr=8-7&keywords=organizing+your+life

[SlowHorse]

So, new to NF and can't believe I just read through a 13 page thread (with occasional link distractions) in one sitting. Probably could've decluttered a few drawers or half my closet in that time... but at least I put a few books on hold at the library (though UfYH might need to be a kindle purchase... my local library's collection not quite all encompassing to own a copy).

 

Great thread and definitely churning ideas for challenges and such. So many things I do not need. Anyway, thanks all for wonderful discussion and ideas. Hopefully, I will be able to add something useful to this discussion (like a success story in progress or something). 

[TMedina]

Yay!  And welcome!

[WinterWalker]

On 1/3/2017 at 8:10 PM, Raincloak said:

I can happily live without holiday themed decor, for instance (I have other ways of homemaking), but I get sad if my residence doesn't have a big shelf crammed with interesting books.

Books! The one true bane of absolute minimalism!

 

My thing is, I'm a returning student so during the summer I live with my parents.  My mom (due to personality AND brain injury from some years ago) is approaching hoarder-mentality.  She doesn't like having three unusable rooms, but she won't let anyone else in to clean up.  She's even had arguments with me because I've gotten rid of things (of my own) that she thinks I should be emotionally attached to.

What do you do in that kind of situation?

[Raincloak]

If the stuff in question belongs to you, just get rid of whatever you don't want as discreetly as possible.  There's no need to discuss or argue unless somebody else has a legitimate claim to the stuff (eg, family heirlooms).

 

For stuff that belongs to your mom, that is not your issue to deal with.  You could try sending her on vacation and doing some organizing while she's gone, but you don't have the right to dispose of her property unless it is truly threatening residents' health (eg, rotten food or a loaded firearm).

 

[TMedina]

26 minutes ago, WinterWalker said:

Books! The one true bane of absolute minimalism!

 

My thing is, I'm a returning student so during the summer I live with my parents.  My mom (due to personality AND brain injury from some years ago) is approaching hoarder-mentality.  She doesn't like having three unusable rooms, but she won't let anyone else in to clean up.  She's even had arguments with me because I've gotten rid of things (of my own) that she thinks I should be emotionally attached to.

What do you do in that kind of situation?

 

Honestly, there isn't a lot you can do.  Short of an intervention if you think your mom has an actual clinical issue, but even then, trying to get someone to get help if they don't see the problem is an uphill battle.

 

Raincloak had an excellent suggestion about the path of least resistance - discard things on the sly.  Work around your mother to keep the peace, as well as do what you need to do.  You can try a direct approach, but from your description, through no real fault of your mom's, she's unlikely to accept a rational discussion, or accept your decision about your stuff without some sort of fight.

[Trixie Falsae]

My older kid's dad was a borderline hoarder. He would get so mad at me if I got rid of anything, even if it was mine. He kept broken toys from when he was a child, half finished projects he would never touch again, and had dozens of coats (we lived in Texas and most didn't fit). Hoarding is linked to mental illness, specifically OCD. With your mother's brain injury it could be a manifestation of the injury. Emotional appeal may not be effective. Could you try bargaining for space? Say you want your room clear and see if you can agree that she will respect your right to choose what to keep and get rid of in your space and you will respect her right as well. Unfortunately its her house/her rules so you really have less leeway. Unless there is fire/health hazard you have to decide if its worth the fight. They are your parents, and you only live there during the summer. Now if your mom ever complains about mess or not being able to find something by all means offer to help organize.

[DyDy]

On 26-1-2017 at 1:01 AM, TMedina said:

 

Honestly, there isn't a lot you can do.  Short of an intervention if you think your mom has an actual clinical issue, but even then, trying to get someone to get help if they don't see the problem is an uphill battle.

 

Raincloak had an excellent suggestion about the path of least resistance - discard things on the sly.  Work around your mother to keep the peace, as well as do what you need to do.  You can try a direct approach, but from your description, through no real fault of your mom's, she's unlikely to accept a rational discussion, or accept your decision about your stuff without some sort of fight.

^^ This. For years I've decluttered on the sly when I lived with my parents (as a minor). When my mother had to work on Friday afternoon, I always loaded up my car and took it to a charity shop. Seriously, I can't remember how much times I did it, but it was a lot.

 

And my mother started to notice it bit by bit. My room was no longer always messy, my desk didn't resemble Mount Everest anymore. We never more fights about me needing to clean my room (well, dusting and vacuuming were still a struggle ) and finally, after years and years, she has seen the light and is now starting to declutter. She has even sold some books! Still it looks terrible and awfully cluttered to me, but it is a start.

 

However, as Trixie Falsae also said, if you genuinely think it is due to her brain injury, you might want to consider getting help.

 

Sorry for breaking in. I'm also on the minimalist/minimizing bandwagon, and luckily, I have found to own less and less to be so much freeing!

[Trixie Falsae]

Simplicity has spilled over into my cooking. Its so much easier to plan and prepare meals when its simple ingredients prepared different ways with different spices. Funnily enough its caused me to go flexitarian, which is something I never thought I'd do. We even went an entire week with no meat and no one noticed (except me since I cook). Its given me the extra time to majorly declutter the main living area and kitchen, which is no easy feat with five home-schooled hobbits.

 

I'm still struggling to declutter my room. I have the bassinet the baby grew out of. I don't want to get rid of it and jinx myself into having another baby and mice get into the shed frequently. I really should just let it go.

[Raincloak]

I feel kind of stupid citing Marie Kondo over and over, but she brings up the issue of foisting clutter onto relatives.  Her recommendations: don't give any of your stuff to a relative unless you KNOW they want that specific thing, and don't let your parents see you getting rid of your own stuff, cause that brings up all kinds of baggage and it's kinder to spare them the stress.  I found this especially interesting coming from a Japanese woman, since they have such strong cultural respect for elders there.

[DyDy]

Yes! I also love how Marie Kondo talks about decluttering in categories. It really makes more sense than 'regular' decluttering.

[Raincloak]

Following an incident with some truly yucky trash, I'm trying to develop a habit of taking out the garbage/recycling whenever I go out and there's a full bag.  It's kind of a pain because the dumpsters are down three flights of stairs and in the opposite direction from my car (actually there's a gate by the dumpsters that leads to the street, but the $^&@ capitalist overlords locked it so passersby couldn't use our dumpsters, and now nobody can use the gate either.)   But it's worth extra effort to keep the trash in the kitchen from getting too disgusting.

 

I think I need to pare down my clothing some more, because it keeps ending up on the floor in heaps, which just looks bad.  It does extend the time between batches of laundry, but I should probably just ditch half the clothes and get used to putting away the remainder.  It's tough cause I've been trying to add some punk to my wardrobe, but yet I have a desk job so I still have to keep the hateful office appropriate wear.

 

[TMedina]

Which is more intrusive into your life - doing laundry more often, or heaps of clothes?  Would you feel better if you had a tidier means of storing the heaps, like a laundry hamper? (eta: I'm not being snarky, I swear - that's the basic question at stake.  And these are clothes that you wear, versus sitting in your closet never having seen the light of day.)

 

It's a tough habit to get into, putting things in their proper place - half the time, I don't even have a "proper place" for said stuff.

[Raincloak]

I have a hamper for dirty clothes, and baskets and a dresser for clean ones.  But what does one do with clothes you've worn once or twice, but that aren't ready for the wash?  Like jeans?

[Jord]

47 minutes ago, Raincloak said:

I have a hamper for dirty clothes, and baskets and a dresser for clean ones.  But what does one do with clothes you've worn once or twice, but that aren't ready for the wash?  Like jeans?

 

This is actually a valid question and I have this exact problem. You are making me think I should get a second laundry basket where I fold up clothes I intend to wear again. This would be for like jeans and t-shirts. 

 

I re-wear work clothes all the time because I don't think one trip to the office warrants washing. These I actually just hang back up in the closet according to my closet system. 

[Maigs]

I put jeans back in the dresser and hang up work pants in the closet until I decide they're dirty enough to wash. Same with pj type clothes and workout pants

[elinox]

18 minutes ago, Taddea Zhaan said:

This is actually a valid question and I have this exact problem. You are making me think I should get a second laundry basket where I fold up clothes I intend to wear again. This would be for like jeans and t-shirts. 

 

I re-wear work clothes all the time because I don't think one trip to the office warrants washing. These I actually just hang back up in the closet according to my closet system. 

 

I can see this as becoming a problem for some. If there's another laundry basket, that 1. takes up space and 2. will soon accumulate stuff you haven't worn lately. Sort of like a clothing placeholder.

 

I tend to just put my non-dirty, worn clothes back in my closet, usually on a shelf. 

[TMedina]

I do the same thing - do a quick fold of clothing and put it on a shelf.  Well, in my case, I use a Rubber Maid 14 gallon tote as an improvised dressing stand; same thing, really.

 

Otherwise I end up with piles, and I can never remember which pile is which.

[TMedina]

A couple of blog posts that I found interesting:

 

"9 common pursuits that rob us of happiness" (http://www.becomingminimalist.com/find-happiness/)

"A guide to let go of your perfectly good things" (http://www.becomingminimalist.com/letting-go)

"What to do when decluttering makes you feel miserable (http://www.becomingminimalist.com/miserable)

 

[Raincloak]

Went to garden show.  didn't buy plants cause need to clean up plant table first.  THIS year I will grow stuff on my porch, honest!

[Lydiechan]

On 2/23/2016 at 7:32 AM, Naxius said:

I've been trying to declutter for such a long time, and I guess I've been making progress, but the fact that it can turn into a decades-long process is just...ugh.

 

I highly recommend Marie Kondo's book The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up.  It's a weird title, but realistically it addresses the issue that, if you just tidy a little every day,  you really will be cleaning up for the rest of your life.  Her method is a much better option.

 

I'm a little more extreme in the minimalism department, but last year I photographed all my clothes and it turned out I owned fewer than 40 items (not counting socks and underwear).  You don't have to own that little to be minimalist, or even to declutter.

 

Last weekend I helped a friend get rid of about 5/6 of his clothes (almost none of which fit anymore).  But what I really pointed out to him was that he was hanging onto those clothes from a time when he was a different weight and a different person.  When you hang onto things you don't need or use anymore, you're trapping yourself in that stage of your life.

 

At its core, what you own is a reflection of how you feel about yourself.  Letting go of what you don't need or love allows you to move forward.

 

That, by the way, is why it's so easy for a person to become a super hero when they lose everything.

[Lydiechan]

On 1/25/2017 at 5:42 PM, Raincloak said:

If the stuff in question belongs to you, just get rid of whatever you don't want as discreetly as possible.  There's no need to discuss or argue unless somebody else has a legitimate claim to the stuff (eg, family heirlooms).

 

Truth.

 

Kondo talks about getting family involved in decisions about your things being one of the biggest setbacks.  I had to get rid of all my Barbie stuff three times because my mom kept "saving" it for me.  I'm 37.  I don't play with Barbies anymore.

 

She also talks about not giving your discarded items to other people unless they have already asked you for a specific item.  Otherwise you're just helping people clutter up their own homes...