IDGAF i'm nightlight.

[nightlight]

so last challenge didn't go as planned. but it wasn't horrible.  I'm going to stick with my goals from last challenge, as I never really did complete them. I am just going to go about it in a different way. A lot of tracking and even having goals is sometimes too much pressure. But I bet I only say that because I just feel like I have no willpower, hence no good warm fuzzy self worth feelings, which are probably the root of most of the issues here.  Everything makes me feel like this:

 

 

So, this challenge, my goals will be wishful goals, but I don't get to add another piece on, until i've really done a good job at the last little bit. I think I'm going to go into this in two week chunks. The hitch in this, is I'll be on a cruise from the 17th - 24th. 

 

We are getting dunk tanked for body fat on Saturday. I will probably not share this info. but it's happening. 

 

Goal 1: Rehab + Upper Body Strength

 

i miss this so much.

 

I'm starting with two basic programs that i'll be pulling from. 

Foundation training, physical therapy exercises and this back rehab protocol. 

For the upper body strength stuff, I'll be doing push ups, pull ups, bench press, and OHP. 

 

How?

Weeks 1-2

Just show up, and do stuff, 3x per week. Stuff should be done thoughtfully, to which a progression can be built upon. 

Weeks 3-4

Post workouts here for all to see, before doing them. (this will need some thought, as week 3 will be on a cruise ship.) 

Weeks 5-6

TBD

 

Goal 2: Dani Two-Bricks

This time last year, I weighed in at 147. (on a scale at a rock climbing gym i was at with the nerds) I want that back. I want my dead hang pullups back. I need to get my diet under control. This also will involve a lot of mental work. I don't think I will make it back under 150 this challenge, but I want to make some progress there. I'll weigh in officially Monday morning. I'd like to lose 10lbs during this challenge. 

 

How?

Week 1

don't eat like an asshole.

Week 2-5

participate in my gym's paleo challenge. this will be modified paleo for me. i do eat butter. i do eat yogurt. but i'm going to try to keep the yogurt to a minimum. also, while i'm on the cruise, all of this goes out the window. however, i need to figure out a way to eat mindfully and not go all over the place while i'm on the cruise. i'll post up a plan for that week when it gets closer. 

Week 6

one cheat day after the paleo challenge is officially over. then don't eat like an asshole. 

 

Goal 3: Get Your Mind Right

In the GORUCK community, this is a thing. My mind is not right at this point.  I need to work on taking care of myself now that mom is out of the woods. The one thing that went well last challenge is i did well with my supplements and meds.

 

How?

 

Week 1-2

Just do one thing.

Instead of freaking out about all of the things i need to do, just do one per day. 

 

 

Week 3-4

Just do two things.

 

Week 5-6

Just do three things. 

 

Starting Stats

[Virago]

Is there a non-creepy way for me to tell you how envious I am of that snatch?! Hell yeah. I haven't been a part of the crossfit community in a really long time, and the gym I currently go to doesn't have free barbells (they're on some kind of pulley system in the squat rack - WTF). I miss it. 

 

One of the things I started doing when I got overwhelmed/off track was to take a minute at the end of every day and think of one decision I'd made that I was proud of. Maybe it was saying no to the cookies at work. (Maybe it was only having one.) Maybe it was crossing off something on my list that I'd been procrastinating. Maybe it was an awesome lifting session, or just "hey I did two pull ups at home today". It helped me end the day feeling more positive, like I had at least accomplished something small! 

[maigrey]

Oh hey there... just peeking in.  I've set my challenges up in 1 week increments because I think that's going to help me focus more.

[nightlight]

Is there a non-creepy way for me to tell you how envious I am of that snatch?! Hell yeah. I haven't been a part of the crossfit community in a really long time, and the gym I currently go to doesn't have free barbells (they're on some kind of pulley system in the squat rack - WTF). I miss it. 

 

One of the things I started doing when I got overwhelmed/off track was to take a minute at the end of every day and think of one decision I'd made that I was proud of. Maybe it was saying no to the cookies at work. (Maybe it was only having one.) Maybe it was crossing off something on my list that I'd been procrastinating. Maybe it was an awesome lifting session, or just "hey I did two pull ups at home today". It helped me end the day feeling more positive, like I had at least accomplished something small! 

haha. i am the snatch queen. i take most things as non creepy.  

sounds like your gym has a smith machine. maybe someday you can get back to a barbell gym! 

 

that's a really good idea -- i would like to get back into writing a little bit in my journal at night. but i don't want it to be my "one thing" because even that is stressful, and i feel like it'd be an excuses, and i wouldn't do my dishes. hahaha. i'm so neurotic sometimes. 

 

Oh hey there... just peeking in.  I've set my challenges up in 1 week increments because I think that's going to help me focus more.

thanks! yeah, i think this will be helpful!

[Knightwatch]

Gotting this: you haz it.  

[erawka]

Ahh! So much to say, so much bedtime and needing to get off the screen. But mom is out of the woods, and that's the best thing you wrote up there. More reflective commentary to come. For now... <3!

[nightlight]

Gotting this: you haz it.  

 

<3

Ahh! So much to say, so much bedtime and needing to get off the screen. But mom is out of the woods, and that's the best thing you wrote up there. More reflective commentary to come. For now... <3!

yes! <3 ya

[nightlight]

W1D1:

Goal 1: Rehab + Upper Body Strength

Did not. 

 

Goal 2: Dani Two-Bricks

I did not eat like an asshole. i'm surprised, because i was mad all night about something. 

Breakfast: black coffee + cranberry crunch perfect bar

Snack: 3 hershey's kisses that were in a baggie at my new desk at work

Lunch: cuban roasted pork w/ yucca and sweet potatoes & broccoli. I didn't eat the sweet potatoes, but i did eat the yucca. yum. 

Snack: one fruit leather

Dinner: leftover shrimp pineapple fried rice

 

too much sugar, but not really bad. 

 

Goal 3: Get Your Mind Right

Do one thing:

So I actually did a few things. My 'do one thing' was cook myself dinner (instead of ordering out) but I had dishes in the sink. So, story time. tl;dr, this is how i feel:

I was PISSED when I left work. One of my side gigs is requiring me to get a workers comp insurance policy for myself and it's total BS. According to the IRS checklist I should be an employee, not an independent contractor and my employer should cover me for workers comp. (also, even if i was an IC, in NYS as an IC and sole proprietor, I'm not legally required to carry WCI.) but my employer is requiring I have this insurance if I want to continue working there. It's just the principle of things. We got chewed out at our last staff meeting because of how we weren't loyal to the business -- well if we are IC's, we don't have to be. It's just... I'm fuming. Still. I feel like I'm in between a rock and a hard place, because I could go and file an IRS form to get the relationship determined by the IRS (whether I'm an employee or a IC) but that would then cause the biz to get audited (again) and I would most likely not be welcome there. And those of you who know what I do and where I work, you know how much i love it.  There are other shady business practices happening, which don't impact ME, but do impact the business, but if I called them out, my employer would get angry (personally) and again, I would not be welcome. 

 

So here is another issue, this coverage isn't cheap. Let's just say it's neither a porche nor a breadbox, but maybe a pinto. I also don't (ok, that's a lie, i could take it from my savings) have the money on hand to pay for the policy outright, like I need to. Regardless of the cost, i would get a slight bump in my "salary" that would cover the cost of this policy over the course of the year. I could also write the policy off of my taxes. 

 

Bottom line, this is not how i would run a business if it were mine, but really pushing back on this hard, even if it is the right thing to do, seems like it would only hurt me in the end. So I was up, pretty much all night, trying to not be upset or angry, and it was awful. I really wanted to let it go. (and still do.) I just can't. for some reason. I really DoGAF. But I want to take the high road here. If I will get paid over the course of time enough to cover the policy, and can write it off my taxes, I want to do that. And just let it the fuck go. But I can't.

 

tl;dr HELP NERDS! because this is how i feel:

 

 

Now, onto my do one thing. so i got home, and was going to cook dinner. realized there were dishes in the sink. did dishes. (did 1 thing!) 

cooked dinner (2 things!)

took out my trash (3 things!)

soaked and set up new brita pitcher so I will have icy cold water to drink (4 things!)

calculated all of my hours towards my L3 cert so I can see how many more I need before I can take the test (5 things!)

 

Then I played Child of Light for 45 min (set on a timer!) and then tried to go to sleep, then see above rant.

[raptron]

IGAF because it's nightlight <3

 

I'd be pretty fuckin' pissed too. 

[AngelaTheGeek]

I know nothing about the work issues... sorry love! BUT I do know that you are setting off on this challenge on the right foot. I love you and will think good thoughts about your work issues.

[Knightwatch]

So many things!  Sorry for the frustrations, but good job plugging away.  

[chairohkey]

 

 

Goal 1: Rehab + Upper Body Strength

 

How?

Weeks 1-2

Just show up,

 

 

Goal 2: Dani Two-Bricks

 

How?

Week 1

don't eat like an asshole.

 

These are my "how" for all six weeks of my challenge.

 

Also that WC issue is bullshit. I know you want to take the highroad and not burn any bridges but gawd damn I'd be fucking livid too.

[erawka]

That's fucking ridiculous. What (if anything) are they saying they'll do if you don't get WCI? Because it seems like they can't force you aside from firing you. That seems dramatic, but you're the one who would know best if that's a possibility with your crazy workplace.

 

I don't know NY employment law for beans, but I don't think they can force a contractor to do anything about benefits they're not providing without getting into the original employment contract. This is extra shady.

 

But big ups for making dinner at home despite the ridiculousness.

[nightlight]

IGAF because it's nightlight <3

 

I'd be pretty fuckin' pissed too. 

<3 thanks raptron.

 

I know nothing about the work issues... sorry love! BUT I do know that you are setting off on this challenge on the right foot. I love you and will think good thoughts about your work issues.

thanks. i'm trying. let me know how i can help you with yours!!!

 

So many things!  Sorry for the frustrations, but good job plugging away.  

thanks. i think i just need to remind myself to just keep going.

 

These are my "how" for all six weeks of my challenge.

 

Also that WC issue is bullshit. I know you want to take the highroad and not burn any bridges but gawd damn I'd be fucking livid too.

hehee. you can do it! 

and good to hear that my feelings are validated. 

 

That's fucking ridiculous. What (if anything) are they saying they'll do if you don't get WCI? Because it seems like they can't force you aside from firing you. That seems dramatic, but you're the one who would know best if that's a possibility with your crazy workplace.

 

I don't know NY employment law for beans, but I don't think they can force a contractor to do anything about benefits they're not providing without getting into the original employment contract. This is extra shady.

 

But big ups for making dinner at home despite the ridiculousness.

yeah, it's a requirement to be working there. it IS shady. for that business, treating us as ICs is what's best for the business in their accountant's eyes. I'm hoping that after our staff meeting this week, there will be more clarity. Because legally as a sole proprietor i don't have to carry this insurance. Though, also, legally they can require me to have it to be doing the job. so screwed if you do, screwed if you don't.  ANND if i was an IC, then i would have a CONTRACT which I don't. ugh. whatever. makes me SO MAD. need to calm my ass down. 

[Crooked]

Hi hi hi hi hi I found your thread and have caught up! 

 

So first of all MEGA hugs. You have had so much going on! Let me know if there's anything I can do to help or support you in any way. 

 

Also, I'm sorry about the work bullshit. For whatever reason I found it particularly bullshitty that they called you out on lack of loyalty which (1) isn't true but also (2) isn't a feature of being an IC, as you pointed out. I don't have anything helpful; I just wanted to say that I'm on your team and think you're being treated unfairly!

 

Third, you're going to crush this challenge.

[Strawberry Squatcake]

I always think it's hilarious when employers bitch their employees (as a general statement) aren't loyal. Hello! If that's true, there's probably a reason. (Pointing finger at said company here.) And in this case, the way they act is probably the reason. 

 

I'm trying to logic this out in my brain. Soooo.. Say you don't get insurance, and you get hurt, are they liable? If not, then why do they care if you're covered? If so, aren't they liable first, before your coverage? (Your extra-purchased insurance would say so.) Anyway, it doesn't make sense. 

 

I suppose them saying they'll pay you is nice. Maybe they're trying to FORCE loyalty by making you buy a year's worth of coverage, then only paying you back monthly? My work does that with tuition reimbursement. They pay for it, but then you're responsible to pay it off as a percentage until X years have passed. Most managers don't like "forced loyalty" because even if it means a warm body, an obligated employee usually gives less shits about doing a good job. 

 

As for everything else. Great job on doing all the things. So many of them! All in one night! Good luck with your progress getting back into the gym. I miss you as much as you miss snatching. <3

[nightlight]

Hi hi hi hi hi I found your thread and have caught up! 

 

So first of all MEGA hugs. You have had so much going on! Let me know if there's anything I can do to help or support you in any way. 

 

Also, I'm sorry about the work bullshit. For whatever reason I found it particularly bullshitty that they called you out on lack of loyalty which (1) isn't true but also (2) isn't a feature of being an IC, as you pointed out. I don't have anything helpful; I just wanted to say that I'm on your team and think you're being treated unfairly!

 

Third, you're going to crush this challenge.

exactly. blergh. whatever.

 

I always think it's hilarious when employers bitch their employees (as a general statement) aren't loyal. Hello! If that's true, there's probably a reason. (Pointing finger at said company here.) And in this case, the way they act is probably the reason. 

 

I'm trying to logic this out in my brain. Soooo.. Say you don't get insurance, and you get hurt, are they liable? If not, then why do they care if you're covered? If so, aren't they liable first, before your coverage? (Your extra-purchased insurance would say so.) Anyway, it doesn't make sense. 

 

I suppose them saying they'll pay you is nice. Maybe they're trying to FORCE loyalty by making you buy a year's worth of coverage, then only paying you back monthly? My work does that with tuition reimbursement. They pay for it, but then you're responsible to pay it off as a percentage until X years have passed. Most managers don't like "forced loyalty" because even if it means a warm body, an obligated employee usually gives less shits about doing a good job. 

 

As for everything else. Great job on doing all the things. So many of them! All in one night! Good luck with your progress getting back into the gym. I miss you as much as you miss snatching. <3

the thing is, if i got hurt while on that job, i would take disability from my FT job. it just is annoying. blergh. 

[nightlight]

W1D2:

Goal 1: Rehab + Upper Body Strength

Did not. 

 

Goal 2: Dani Two-Bricks

Breakfast: cranberry crunch perfect bar
Lunch: chicken/almond butter snack from kbk (it's a lot of chicken!)

Snack: one twizzler

Dinner: hummus and turkish bread w/ olive tapande. 

 

^^ i was really craving, and i haven't had it in over a year, so i indulged a little, but i don't consider it too bad. 

 

 

Goal 3: Get Your Mind Right

Do one thing: 

I gathered up my laundry and a pair of jeans i needed to get hemmed. 

I was so wiped out from not sleeping the night before. I also have this weird pain in my side.  it hurts when i breathe. it's muscular for sure, but really annoying. so i tried to stretch that out a litle. 

i also packaged up some shoes i sold on ebay. 

[raptron]

<333 turkish bread AND tapenade. And that's three things. *snugs for warmth*

 

Also, P.S. - I read your thread like "I don't give a fuck it's not your birthday" in my head every time. 

[bigm141414]

Bam. Found your thread. 

 

Sup girl  

[RisenPhoenix]

Hey lady!

 

 

Re: work woes.  You know, I Could probably whip up a Monk army to beat their ass if you give me, oh, 10 minutes or so.  Just saying.

[nightlight]

Hey lady!

 

 

Re: work woes.  You know, I Could probably whip up a Monk army to beat their ass if you give me, oh, 10 minutes or so.  Just saying.

hehehee. you can totally kick their asses.

[nightlight]

<333 turkish bread AND tapenade. And that's three things. *snugs for warmth*

 

Also, P.S. - I read your thread like "I don't give a fuck it's not your birthday" in my head every time. 

 

hehehee.

Bam. Found your thread. 

 

Sup girl

you did!

[nightlight]

W1D3:

Goal 1: Rehab + Upper Body Strength

Did not. 

 

Goal 2: Dani Two-Bricks

Breakfast: cranberry crunch perfect bar
Dinner: roasted chix breast + salad + 1/3 of a baked potato with some butter

 

Goal 3: Get Your Mind Right

Do one thing: 

Soooo. i got side tracked. woke up yesterday morning to a leak in my LIVING ROOM. it's coming from the upstairs radiator. so i ran (not literally) to the office to get my laptop so i could work from home so the super could get into my apartment. got home, started work. ugh. so back to my do one thing. it was SO COLD out. but on my lunch break i went to the post office to mail said ebay package. 

 

i also dropped off, and picked up my laundry. 

i did a little re-organizing of my only real closet. i moved blazers into my wardrobe, so the closet is only for outerwear. 

[maigrey]

 

W1D3:

Goal 1: Rehab + Upper Body Strength

Did not. 

Why?  just a time thing?

 

 

W1D3:

 

Goal 3: Get Your Mind Right

Do one thing: 

Soooo. i got side tracked. woke up yesterday morning to a leak in my LIVING ROOM. it's coming from the upstairs radiator. so i ran (not literally) to the office to get my laptop so i could work from home so the super could get into my apartment. got home, started work. ugh. so back to my do one thing. it was SO COLD out. but on my lunch break i went to the post office to mail said ebay package. 

 

i also dropped off, and picked up my laundry. 

i did a little re-organizing of my only real closet. i moved blazers into my wardrobe, so the closet is only for outerwear. 

This though, is amazing.  The whole living room thing would have thrown off my day, and yet you still braved the arctic tundra to do your one (of three!) things.