Nuala crawls back to be the assassin she once was.

[Nuala]

All is dark, silent and damp.

 

>Sleep mode off

>Recovery attempt xxx out of xxx

>Failed to recover system

>Launching safe mode

 

I come out of sleep mode for the first time in what seems to me be an eternity. I am half sit on the floor, back resting on a wall and that's all I know. I'm not sure why I'm here nor what happened. My memories seems confused, corrupted. I remember vaguely waving goodbye to the assassins and then... nothing.

 

I'm initiating a quick backup check to determine how long it's been. Probably not more than a few days. The logs prove me wrong, I had woke up before and then fall back in this comatose state, hundreds of time in these past few month. My batteries are so low that I feel the dark calling me again, the painless, dreamless state. Sweet.. darkness...

 

>System shutting down in

>5...

>4...

>3...

>2...

 

A water drop sound somewhere near me gives me enough surrounding awareness to avoid the imminent slumber, I know that I need to stay awake, I need to get up and go back to the light world where I belong. I move my head slowly to look for something, anything else than the darkness. I check my surroundings slowly to spare my batteries, so slowly that I don't feel like I'm moving at all. My internal clock tells me it's been a few minutes when I finally manage to detect.. a sparkle? 

 

It was very faint and disappeared immediately, if I hadn't kept my eyes on this very same place, I would have missed the other one. There is something there definitely, there must be! I'm thinking of the assassins, my guild that I miss dearly. I need to go back to them but I'm too weak to get up and walk.

 

>Battery charge: 6%

 

When you're too weak to walk, just crawl and hope to meet everyone again.

 

 

So, I'm back. Or at least trying too and with a real challenge for a change. I've been in a dark zone these past few month, well, I'm still am. For reasons, I stopped gradually reading my mails, using skype, going out to see friends because I want to avoid the "How are you doing?" question, visiting my forums, reading my emails and finally not even opening my inbox anymore. I was once a developer and recently I couldn't even see a line of code without freaking out, no need to say, my professional life is not good at all. But that's part of things I don't want to speak about right now

 

ANYWAY, challenge #IHaveNoIdea, the theme is:

 

Getting my life back on track!

 

My weapons are:

 

Take it slowly! Crawl, don't try to run (seriously don't)!

 

Life goal:

I will start with that because it's the most important thing for now. To get my life back on track, I need to know what I want to do. Quite difficult task because when you're in the dark nothing really tempt you. For now I have to catch on all that I should have done when stuck in my dark zone, meaning I have some people to re-contact and that will be really hard.

 

Easy start:

- Contact people that I have not avoided until now a bit more.

- Be more active on the forums

- Give frequents news to my family (especially because they are freaking out because of the terrorists attacks in Paris.)

 

Goal #1: Determine if I want to have my Bento business on.

Friends are supportive, people are happy with my services but I see it slowing down and am not sure it's worth it. So I have 6 weeks to start or drop.

 

Goal #2: Hoop, hoop and hoop more.

IF I decide to keep on the bento business it's unlikely that I'll make that full time. My target customers are people in offices, so it would be only for lunches and I would have part of my afternoon free. I usually hoop at the climbing gym and many people there asked me if I was giving any lessons. Well, obviously not now because I'm but a beginner but that could be fun to do. But to start teaching or even showing off, you need to get better at it. Unfortunately, it's not the right season for hooping because it's cold and too many clothes are not good. Still, there are still things that I could learn and train for in a limited space (aka: my apartment)

 

So my goal is: Hoop 3 times a week minimum! And learn a new trick/week!

Week #1: XXX

New trick: Smearing

 

Goal #3: Climb more /!\ This goal is on hold for a few more days due to a elbow tendinitis!

I have kept on climbing 3 times a week all this dark time but I have seen no progress at all. I'm still stuck on blue problems and I know I need to push myself a bit more to finally level up. The plan is to add to my bouldering workouts some exercises that will make me:

- Work on my flexibility!

- Work on my grip!

- Work on dyno!

 

Dyno is my nemesis, but considering my height I really NEED to be good at them to be able to solve some problems.

 

Well that's all for now, let's do well this challenge . (and damn it was harder to write than expected..)

[SpiralGalaxy]

Hey, glad to see you! I'm also coming back from a really weird time--good for you for respawning! Sounds like you've got a solid set of goals for this round. We're rooting for you! 

[Nuala]

Many thanks. I can't really say that I have respawned *yet*, there are many things that needs to be done during this challenge that I can't express yet. But hopefully I'll get over it and then realized I was stupid to freak out about them (and then hate me for having freaked out because of them...)

 

I feel like I have lost 6 month of my life and that sucks.

[Nymeria]

Hooray!  I'm thrilled that you're back (or at least trying to be back)!.

 

Maybe for your life goal, add a subgoal of posting in your thread once/day, even if you end up saying nothing other than "today sucked and I didn't accomplish anything."  If part of the problem is hiding too much when things get tough or when you're feeling depressed, at least forcing yourself to post will eliminate the hiding.

 

For the hooping goal, do you have a cheap, small, kid-sized hoop?  I've found that you can easily use them indoors for the off body stuff.  Yeah, the dynamics are a bit different, and it takes a little time to adjust from the small hoop to the larger, heavier one.  Still, it's an easy way to learn new tricks while stuck indoors in the wintertime.    I think it's really cool that people are asking you for lessons!  You must be much better at the hooping than you seem to think you are.    

[Ocelot]

Sending love Nuala! You are allowed to withdraw , to a point, and recharging isn't a waste of time. Its essential, so dont keep beating yourself up! You can withdraw too far of course and you're right, it does sound like time to make your glorious comeback and this thread is a very good sign!

[Elastigirl]

Yay, our friendly, whip yielding robot is back!

[The Swedish Ninja]

I can relate to your struggles. Glad to see you get back here and I will stay tuned for hooping and climbing action

[boxcarkid]

I can relate so I am super excited that you are coming back. I'm staying tuned for a nerd win! You can do this!

Sent from my SM-G900V using Tapatalk

[elsfaire]

Kudos for putting the effort in to come back after a dark time. Many people have them at some point, but not all come back out this quickly.

[Mad Hatter]

I'm glad you're back and climbing out of the hole. It's a tough thing to do. And you haven't lost 6 months of your life. It was just on pause.

[raptron]

NUALAAAA~ 

 

[Waanie]

Welcome back . Kudos for climbing three times a week, even when you're at your lowest. Good luck and have fun this challenge .

[Nuala]

(half) Week #1 summary

 

Life goal:

- Contact people that I have not avoided until now a bit more. Nope....

- Be a bit more active on the forums check!

- Called my family, remembered my father's birthday.

 

Also, I need to remember that alcohol is not my friend. Of course it somehow help me to sleep by blurring my thoughts but I have been drinking way too regularly recently. Let's reduce my alcohol consumption to once a week (one beer after the gym on Friday) eventually twice if I am invoted somewhere.

No more drinking during the week!

 

Also, I re-started smoking a bit, that's bad and scumbag brain tells me that I have lung cancer.

 

Goal #1:  Bento business

Nothing was done.

 

Goal #2: Hoop, hoop and hoop more.

Trick learned:

Need to polish it.

 

Goal #3: Climb more /!\ This goal is on hold for a few more days due to a elbow tendinitis!

 

Still have the tendinitis so I can't climb yet. We bought a hanging board this week end and set it up in my room. It's really ugly but still nice to have something I can hang onto without having to jump!

[Nuala]

Life stuff to do:

- Read all the probably-stress-free emails that I have in my inbox (got ridden of the spam and I-know-it's-safe emails)

- Don't kill the plant my mother gave me.. put it in a pot, it's waiting...

-

 

$

 

Oh right.. that too...

[elsfaire]

Hooray for learning a hooping trick, being more active on the forums, and calling for your Dad's birthday!

As for the other habits, make sure you are treating yourself well and doing what you need to feel loved and connected and like life is worth living. It makes reducing the 'bad' habits a lot easier.

[obax]

I found it! I looked many times, through the whole entire forum, for your challenge, and couldn't find it, and now here it is!

 

One thing to remember about the dark times: your feelings are real and they are valid. Don't feel bad for feeling bad. It may seem silly if you look at it rationally, but sadly, the human brain is not a rational thing, as much as we might want it to be (and as much easier as it would be if it were).

 

I'm glad to see you back here, and I'm loudly cheering you on during your quest out of the darkness!

[missrackl]

Hope you don't mind a bit of encouragement from someone else who's been climbing but absent from forums for a long while. I'm glad you are back. I'm glad you are making goals. I'm glad you are climbing and hooping because you like them. Remember that it's good to be patient with yourself. I look forward to seeing your updates this challenge.

[Nuala]

Small victories of the day.

 

- No alcohol yesterday despite being offered a beer twice. (that was hard...)

- Treated 4/8 of the probably-safe emails. (they were really safe ) 4 lefts.

 

Not that good:

- Smoked, I had to put all my clothes in the washing machine and took a bath to get rid of the smell. I hate cigarette smell the day after

[raptron]

Nice victories.

[elsfaire]

Good victories!

[Mad Hatter]

Nice victories and week 1!

[obax]

Congrats on your victories!

 

How are things going since?

[Nuala]

Week #2 summary  (we were week 2 right? I tend to lose track of time recently...)

 

Life goal:

- Contact people that I have not avoided until now a bit more. Nope, nope, nope....

- Be a bit more active on the forums! Nope. I made myself very busy this week end so I wouldn't have the time to switch on my computer. On the bright side, food was ready, kitchen clean, laundry done on Saturday. On the dark side, I was just purposely avoiding being social.

- Remembered my sister's birthday. Texted her, no calls given.

 

Life very small victories:

- Cleaned up the filter of my tiny and neglected and empty fish tank

- Planted the plant my mother gave me 3 weeks ago

- Did some paperwork that was 3 weeks due (but still on time, yay)

- Only 3 "safe" emails left and 2 "Not safe at all, just thinking about reading them makes me freak out" mails

 

Only 2 beers on Friday this week. Was sober otherwise, go me! My alcoholism is disappointed.

 

Goal #1:  Bento business

Nothing was done. Again...

 

Goal #2: Hoop, hoop and hoop more.

Week #1: 

Week #2: Ghosting isolation flow session

 

Goal #3: Climb more /!\ This goal is on hold for a few more days due to a elbow tendinitis!
Still can't climb. I'm getting really annoyed. On the bright side I'm hooping a lot.

 

 

 

 

Thanks for being there.. As you can see, I'm really just crawling.

[Nuala]

List of things that could be nice if done.

- Buy some new plants for the tank (Hard, the shop is really far away)

- Find a big mirror for my room so I can work on hoop isolations (easy-ish, may be expensive though)

- 6 months ago, I promised that I would make my NF character generator open source. Not sure it's still in use, but I might as well put it on github anyway.

- Go back on HabitRpg and see if that helps

 

Really really really Hard things that need to be done.

- Check the 5 safe and not safe emails

- Go back on skype

 

Habits I need to get back

- Violin. I have almost not played since the summer.

- Coding...

[elsfaire]

Glad you checked in! Your small victories are great. Be patient with being social. I feel like I have made a ton of progress with my own darkness, but calling or texting a friend to set up a time to get together is still hard. Maybe try some small steps that are easier, like going to the store and smiling at the cashier and asking how their day is? Or finding a group on Meetup.com and showing up? Or maybe installing Tapatalk on your phone and checking the forums while eating lunch.