Distress Beacon: The Resentment Monster

[Coriande]

Hello again Rebels.

 

It's been about two months since I completed my first challenge... and dropped off the face of the site.  No good reason, no life-threatening illness or family emergency, just some business at work and bad cramps. That's all it took to undo six weeks of relatively consistent work. And then I didn't sign in at all. I was kind of afraid to click my bookmark bar link today, and to post this.

 

Because I feel so resentful of the site.

 

I don't understand! It's such a wonderful thing, and everyone is nothing but kind. There's a sense of camaraderie and support, whether people succeed or 'fail'. But every time I read one of Steve's cheerful e-mails about the joys of paleo or how great the program has worked for people he's met, I ended up crying with frustration. Why can't I do what they're doing? Why haven't I already done it?

 

I want Nerd Fitness to be a tool I can use. I know this post must seem bitter and it's kind of dumb to reach out about this, but I want to be able to be a productive part of this community, not a self-loathing Mr. Burns.

 

Any advice would be much appreciated.

 

- Cori

[TMedina]

I don't think you're bitter at all.  I do think you're very frustrated for a variety of reasons.  And, fortunately, we can try to help with that, too.

 

So, take a deep breath.  What's preventing you from pursuing either the Paleo diet, or the Nerd Fitness program?

 

Is it this nebulous, undefinable roadblock that looms every time you think about exercising?  Or changing your diet?  A weird, frustrating combination of anxiety and lethargy?

[Elastigirl]

Well you did do it for 6 whole weeks. Can you say what you are struggling with? My best guess is that you are expecting too much of yourself, that is so easy to do. You see the successes, but really for most it is successes, failures, in betweens, falling down. picking ourselves up again. Maybe just pick a very simple thing to do (walk, drink more water)and pick yourself up and start again.

[Coriande]

I don't think you're bitter at all.  I do think you're very frustrated for a variety of reasons.  And, fortunately, we can try to help with that, too.

 

So, take a deep breath.  What's preventing you from pursuing either the Paleo diet, or the Nerd Fitness program?

 

Is it this nebulous, undefinable roadblock that looms every time you think about exercising?  Or changing your diet?  A weird, frustrating combination of anxiety and lethargy?

 

I know this is not a very helpful response, but yes, it's exactly that.

I guess I thought it would get... easier as I went along? But I feel like it gets harder the longer I do it. When I hear people talk about how they went from eating cookie dough straight from the tub to making delicious kale smoothies for breakfast every morning, I'm like....

 

"I am never going to enjoy a kale smoothie. I will eat one, but I will never enjoy it. It tastes like a foot."

 

But they seem so genuine in their enjoyment of kale or running brutal marathons or whatever it is they've trained themselves to do.  Whereas after six months (the longest I've ever consistently committed to a diet and exercise plan) all I wanted to do was cry and eat pizza, the same as on day one. I didn't feel better about myself, I just felt stressed and miserable.

 

Part of me thinks they're lying about enjoying it and that they just enjoy the results (weight loss, improved health, no zits or whatever it is) but why would they do that?

[Coriande]

Well you did do it for 6 whole weeks. Can you say what you are struggling with? My best guess is that you are expecting too much of yourself, that is so easy to do. You see the successes, but really for most it is successes, failures, in betweens, falling down. picking ourselves up again. Maybe just pick a very simple thing to do (walk, drink more water)and pick yourself up and start again.

Thank you. I think that general advice is very good, I just have trouble following it because of a bad 'all-or-nothing' streak.

[ShadowSilk]

One thing.  Change one thing.  Whether that's switching to Crystal Light and water from soda once a day, or taking a five minute walk, or cutting back on sugar, start with one thing.  Believe me, I understand your thoughts and feelings.  I will never drink a kale smoothie, either, sweetie, because yeah, um, no.  I'm pretty primal most days, but last night, I had chicken strips and fries from a fast food place because my husband was going to buy it anyway because of the National Football Championship.  Today I'm back on the wagon. 

 

Change one thing for six weeks.  See if it's a sustainable change for you.  If it is, great!  Move on to something else.  If it isn't, great!  Choose something else and try that for six weeks.  Nobody says you have to change everything at once.  Your body is your body, your life is your life, and you have to do things the way you have to do them, hun.  If you really want to make changes in your life, then try that, just one change at a time.

[TMedina]

What ShadowSilk said.  This whole Nerd Fitness thing is about a better quality of life - and frankly, if kale smoothies aren't for you, they just aren't.  You aren't improving the quality of your life if you're miserable with the change.

 

And if you don't want to read Steve's relentlessly perky emails, then don't.  What works for "everyone else" may not work for you - which is really frustrating, because we all hate to think we're just that much different from everyone else, but sometimes we just are.

 

Have you done a self-assessment?  Listed the things you'd like to change, and the steps you might take to affect that change?  Never mind the Nerd Fitness program as presented - there are many different paths to better living and the Nerd Fitness community forums offer insights into a number of them.

[Dradis]

I know this is not a very helpful response, but yes, it's exactly that.

I guess I thought it would get... easier as I went along? But I feel like it gets harder the longer I do it. When I hear people talk about how they went from eating cookie dough straight from the tub to making delicious kale smoothies for breakfast every morning, I'm like....

 

"I am never going to enjoy a kale smoothie. I will eat one, but I will never enjoy it. It tastes like a foot."

 

But they seem so genuine in their enjoyment of kale or running brutal marathons or whatever it is they've trained themselves to do.  Whereas after six months (the longest I've ever consistently committed to a diet and exercise plan) all I wanted to do was cry and eat pizza, the same as on day one. I didn't feel better about myself, I just felt stressed and miserable.

 

Part of me thinks they're lying about enjoying it and that they just enjoy the results (weight loss, improved health, no zits or whatever it is) but why would they do that?

 

There probably are people that have magically changed everything all at once and dropped 100lbs in 6 months, but i'd wager there are more that haven't.

For myself it took me maybe 9 months of continual changes before i got a decent grasp of diet and nutrition.

It took me even longer to get a handle on what exercise i enjoyed and would stick too.

Its taken me 20months to lose 70lbs, thats still an achievement, but at times its been frustratingly slow and quite often i've gone backwards. I'm the same weight now as i was 6 months ago which is uber frustrating with relatively so little to go.

 

The BEST thing that has happened in my journey is i've learned to love working out. I go because i enjoy it now, not to lose weight. I love being able to do new things or do existing things easier. That is why i exercise.

 

I guess my point is that there are always problems, issues, setbacks etc etc, with everyone. Often you don't see that side with the success stories and the "woots". You don't get the frustrations, the "why is it so hard for me?"'s, the sweat, the tears, the hundreds of crappy weigh-ins, measurements and photos you think are disgusting of yourself. You just get the start, and the end.

 

 

Two best bits of advice i've got:

Improve things little and fairly often

Don't expect exercise to magically produce results overnight, do it for other reasons.

 

 

There is also a phrase about exercise, i can't remember it word for word but its something like:

It never gets easier, you just get more done.

[TMedina]

[Coriande]

Thank you so much.

 

People reiterating the obvious things my brain refuses to accept on its own are very necessary. Especially what you said, Shadowsilk - despite reading that I shouldn't do this on the forums, the temptation to change a whole bunch of things at once is overwhelming. And I know it's setting me up to lose.

 

I think my one diet thing will be to stop having cheese in the house, and my one exercise thing will be to attend pilates in the morning three times a week (easy, since I already do it at least twice) and run once a week.  Those are tiny steps compared to what I've tried before, but after what you've said and calming down a little, they already look more manageable. Thanks again. This really is an awesome bunch of people.

[hblyne]

Right there with you! I posted a similar thread today. There's some great advice here. Small, sustainable changes. I need to pick one...

[ShadowSilk]

Oh believe me, ladies, I live everything you've said.  Mashed potatoes are NOM.  Mashed cauliflower -- well, I'm about to find out.  Sleep is good.  Getting up at 5 to get my workout in -- yeah, that's under protest. 

 

But I do feel better after DDP smacks his yoga mat and tells me I did great today.  And I do feel better when I eat primal.  And it may be my imagination, but there seemed to be some strange form of shape to my thunderthighs today.  And I know for a fact that I stretched out after doing my workout today, and I stretched further than I remember stretching in a long time.  I ACTUALLY GRASPED THE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT WHAT IS THIS STRANGE MAGIC???  And that's after two weeks.  Not even done with week two, really. 

 

So I can tell you the results will be worth it, even as I slog here in the mire of Screw This Noise myself.  I can't see the Golden Tower of Health yet, but I believe that it is there.  We've just got to get out of the fracking swamp to find it.

[Nubbins McGee]

This picture was taken just now. It's the cauliflower and garlic in the steamer that will turned into mashed cauliflower in about 20 minutes (or fauxtatoes as I like to call it).

Will it ever be as good as mashed potatoes? Hell no. But I have gone from "this ain't no 'taters where I come from" to "these are ok" to actually enjoying them.

[ShadowSilk]

Thank you.  I'm microwaving mine right now, I got started on it late.

[Coriande]

Huh, I've just been roasting them with lemon. Maybe I shall try these new smash-ed cauliflowers.

[ShadowSilk]

It wasn't bad.  But I like cauliflower anyway, so....grain of salt, there.

[hblyne]

I can only stomach cauliflower if I add cheese... and I can't eat dairy ATM as my little nursling is dairy intolerant. Sigh.

[starsapart]

I know this is not a very helpful response, but yes, it's exactly that.

I guess I thought it would get... easier as I went along? But I feel like it gets harder the longer I do it. When I hear people talk about how they went from eating cookie dough straight from the tub to making delicious kale smoothies for breakfast every morning, I'm like....

 

"I am never going to enjoy a kale smoothie. I will eat one, but I will never enjoy it. It tastes like a foot."

 

But they seem so genuine in their enjoyment of kale or running brutal marathons or whatever it is they've trained themselves to do.  Whereas after six months (the longest I've ever consistently committed to a diet and exercise plan) all I wanted to do was cry and eat pizza, the same as on day one. I didn't feel better about myself, I just felt stressed and miserable.

 

Part of me thinks they're lying about enjoying it and that they just enjoy the results (weight loss, improved health, no zits or whatever it is) but why would they do that?

 

Lots of good advice here, but I'm going to focus in on this for a moment.  For a few years, I lived this.  I exercised because I had to, thought people were crazy to say they enjoyed it.... assumed exercise endorphins were a big, fat lie.  I never minded healthful food options, but I never really omg loved kale.

 

Okay, actually, I still hate kale and always will.  Whatever, there are other leafy greens out there.

 

I'm going to put the food aside for the moment, though, and get to my point, which is about the hatred of exercise.  The point is, as long as I approached exercise as a chore to be gotten through for the nebulous goal of weight loss, I never got anywhere.  I hated the exercise, and I didn't lose any weight, and life sucked.  The ticket, as far as I can tell from personal experience is to do one (or both) of two things:

 

1. Find an activity you enjoy.  Don't like running brutal marathons?  I don't blame you; don't run.  But try out a few things based on your interests.  Salsa dancing?  Rock climbing?  Ultimate frisbee?  Basketball?  Trampoline?  Kung fu?  I could keep listing things.  Just because it doesn't happen in a gym doesn't mean it's not exercise.  Keep looking until you find an activity that actually feels more like fun than work.  There are thousands of options out there.  Find Your Thing.  Then stick with it.  Doesn't matter if you're not in great shape - by doing the activity, you'll get to be in better shape.
2. Find a goal that's just out of reach but seems like it would be a cool thing to add to your repertoire.  One day I said to myself, "wouldn't it be cool if I could stand on my hands?  I would feel awesome if I had that skill."  Find a way to work towards that skill.  Just one simple skill.  And when you achieve it, acknowledge how awesome you are...... then find the next skill and repeat forever.

It's kind of tough to rearrange your mindset, but try to look for things that bring you joy.  Try to forget about the weight loss. If you make tiny changes and start striving to do something you like, you'll not only bring some additional happiness to your life, you'll lose weight in the process, too.

 

(By the way, I still don't get exercise endorphins!  Not sure if these are a lie or I'm just unlucky.  But  get a rush of joy from accomplishing something new, so I suppose that's just as good.)

[Coriande]

It wasn't bad.  But I like cauliflower anyway, so....grain of salt, there.

Me too! It is my favourite brassica.

[shesavedtheworldalot]

I know this is not a very helpful response, but yes, it's exactly that.

I guess I thought it would get... easier as I went along? But I feel like it gets harder the longer I do it. When I hear people talk about how they went from eating cookie dough straight from the tub to making delicious kale smoothies for breakfast every morning, I'm like....

 

"I am never going to enjoy a kale smoothie. I will eat one, but I will never enjoy it. It tastes like a foot."

 

But they seem so genuine in their enjoyment of kale or running brutal marathons or whatever it is they've trained themselves to do.  Whereas after six months (the longest I've ever consistently committed to a diet and exercise plan) all I wanted to do was cry and eat pizza, the same as on day one. I didn't feel better about myself, I just felt stressed and miserable.

 

Part of me thinks they're lying about enjoying it and that they just enjoy the results (weight loss, improved health, no zits or whatever it is) but why would they do that?

 

Screw everyone else.  Seriously.  They're not you, and you're not them.  What they do and enjoy has no bearing on your actual life and enjoyment.  I really like Amy Poehler's take on this one:  "Good for her, not for me."  Say it out loud.  Repeat it often.  "Good for her.  Not for me."  If you're not enjoying it, it's going to get harder.  If it doesn't fit your life, it's going to get harder.  

 

Paleo doesn't work for you?  Fine.  Stop it.  There are other ways to cook and eat that are super healthy.  I don't eat paleo, and I have pizza sometimes, and I've lost 20 pounds over the last six months.  Do you know what would make me miserable?  Looking at the world and going, "Well, that's not for me.  I can't do those things.  I have goals and stuff and fitness."  Unhappiness is no way to live.  Find a balance with food.  Teach yourself to cook things made of real food that grows in the ground.  It will be impressive and delicious, whether it follows a highly specialized diet or not.

 

Think of things you enjoy doing.  Do you like to spend time outdoors?  Do more of that.  Hike.  Run or bike in the woods.  Meditate.  Do yoga on a log.  Do you have young kids/cousins?  Go to the playground and have a rousing game of tag or make believe 3x per week.  Maybe it's not a brutal marathon, but it's something you actually like.  (And really, have you ever hung out with little kids? It's exhausting.)  The best workout I do in summer is dog agility.  I guarantee my dog is moving faster than I am and doing more work, but have you ever tried to move faster than a dog's brain?  It's a workout! Do things that you enjoy, just do more of them.  

 

The nicest thing about that exercise plan is that you will find people who enjoy the same things as you.  And then maybe you pick up on some of their likes and dislikes.  And you join them in new things that you might like.

 

Try something new every week.  One new little thing.  Because life is short and variety is fun and you don't have to do this like everybody else does.  Because you're not them.  And they're not you.  So go play on some monkey bars and buy some kale so that you can throw it in a garbage can for fun.  (Nobody REALLY likes kale, right?  It's just something we say we like because it's cool.  Just kidding.  I do like kale.  In soup.  BUT THAT'S IT.)

[Coriande]

Screw everyone else.  Seriously.  They're not you, and you're not them.  What they do and enjoy has no bearing on your actual life and enjoyment.  I really like Amy Poehler's take on this one:  "Good for her, not for me."  Say it out loud.  Repeat it often.  "Good for her.  Not for me."  If you're not enjoying it, it's going to get harder.  If it doesn't fit your life, it's going to get harder.  

 

Paleo doesn't work for you?  Fine.  Stop it.  There are other ways to cook and eat that are super healthy.  I don't eat paleo, and I have pizza sometimes, and I've lost 20 pounds over the last six months.  Do you know what would make me miserable?  Looking at the world and going, "Well, that's not for me.  I can't do those things.  I have goals and stuff and fitness."  Unhappiness is no way to live.  Find a balance with food.  Teach yourself to cook things made of real food that grows in the ground.  It will be impressive and delicious, whether it follows a highly specialized diet or not.

 

Think of things you enjoy doing.  Do you like to spend time outdoors?  Do more of that.  Hike.  Run or bike in the woods.  Meditate.  Do yoga on a log.  Do you have young kids/cousins?  Go to the playground and have a rousing game of tag or make believe 3x per week.  Maybe it's not a brutal marathon, but it's something you actually like.  (And really, have you ever hung out with little kids? It's exhausting.)  The best workout I do in summer is dog agility.  I guarantee my dog is moving faster than I am and doing more work, but have you ever tried to move faster than a dog's brain?  It's a workout! Do things that you enjoy, just do more of them.  

 

The nicest thing about that exercise plan is that you will find people who enjoy the same things as you.  And then maybe you pick up on some of their likes and dislikes.  And you join them in new things that you might like.

 

Try something new every week.  One new little thing.  Because life is short and variety is fun and you don't have to do this like everybody else does.  Because you're not them.  And they're not you.  So go play on some monkey bars and buy some kale so that you can throw it in a garbage can for fun.  (Nobody REALLY likes kale, right?  It's just something we say we like because it's cool.  Just kidding.  I do like kale.  In soup.  BUT THAT'S IT.)

The weird thing is... I already do some things that are active day-to-day because I like them. Dance classes, swimming, long walks... I guess I never considered those things exercise, but maybe I would feel better if I started counting them (and by extension placed a higher priority on doing them). There's a part of me that feels like I am not exercising if I am having a good time. And that is not helpful!

 

Also, you have Kaylee and Buffy indicators so I should probably listen to you because you seem like a smart lady.

 

[mudpoet]

I do like kale. In soup. BUT THAT'S IT.)

What is this kale soup sorcery?! I must know, because I despise kale.

[shesavedtheworldalot]

The weird thing is... I already do some things that are active day-to-day because I like them. Dance classes, swimming, long walks... I guess I never considered those things exercise, but maybe I would feel better if I started counting them (and by extension placed a higher priority on doing them). There's a part of me that feels like I am not exercising if I am having a good time. And that is not helpful!

 

Also, you have Kaylee and Buffy indicators so I should probably listen to you because you seem like a smart lady.

 

Precisely.  Do you know why some people are so successful?  It's because they actually like what they do.  If you like swimming/dancing/long walks, good for you!  Break down what you like about those things and try to extend them into other things.  Is it the solitude and the quiet that make you like long walks?  Try pushing it into other, more difficult terrain.  Try doing some bodyweight exercises while you're walking.  I tried C25k for a while with my dog, and I would turn warm up/cool downs into training sessions.  (Walking lunges for me = repeated sits for her, planks for me=down/stay for her).  You can mix things you love with things that are active.  It's okay not to like what other people like.  And dancing is a helluva workout.  My worst morning ever was not because I was hungover, but because I danced until 5 am.  Do what you love, and make your life work for you.

 

I am a smart lady.  It's one of the things I like best about myself.

 

What is this kale soup sorcery?! I must know, because I despise kale.

http://www.101cookbooks.com/archives/lively-up-yourself-lentil-soup-recipe.html

http://www.cookinglight.com/food/quick-healthy/healthy-soup-recipes/healthy-sausage-kale-bean-soup-recipe

 

Note:  I'm not a paleo eater, but those are my two favorite ways to eat kale.  (I imagine you could make either fit whatever diet you may follow.)  The bitter flavor profile of the greens plays off of the smoky and spicy tastes, but kale is not the focus of the dish.

[Nubbins McGee]

How it's it that nobody likes kale? Kale is awesome.

[mudpoet]

how do you "dislike" a post?  j/k