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noxiousGnome Starts Phase II


noxiousGnome

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Oh man, lots of stuff going on. Glad your mentor is agreeing.

Sure hope the little duffer gets better soon. Ear infections suck big time.

You get rest too, ya?

22nd level Wanderer

better is right here, right now

The Way

Here's to all the 1% increases in life!

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Well izzy is doing much better. We all went to bed at like 10 last night... Cept here i am up at just shy of 3am... Should go back to sleep but not tired,got a bigish day today... Internship day, maybe more drone time, maybe not...

Cool news though,going to get a few Cisco switch for attending a webinar lol totally excited about that lol. Free equipment ftw.

I have a lot on my mind though... Not sure what direction i want to go in my life in regards to my career i guess: i am really enjoying piloting this drone,but it's not really in my field of educated expertise... I like doing what i went to college to take classes in, but i like the thrill of flying...

I wish i had the guts to design drone flight control software... Maybe i should look into that... Yeah they do have raspberry pi systems that can be programmed... Maybe i can learn to do that and take away some technology platform experience, some hardware experience,and some hands on flight experience from this internship and make something of it.

Been contemplating getting certified through the FAA as a certified UAS pilot but i got to do more research on that,it isn't required yet to fly the drone, but it wouldn't hurt.

More later going to try sleeping again lol.

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Gnomish Superhero-In-Training S3|D3|S1|C3|W4.75|CH3

Gnomish Trials and Tribulations

1|2(a)|3|4
Gnomes Have Epic Quests Too! This gets updated as things get finished or I add more =D


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I know this is a second post for the day, but screw it it's my thread and I gonna do it!

 

Last night after I wrote the above post I got to thinking as I laid down my head to fall asleep... And I decided to let you guys all see what I was thinking.

 

I think the reason why whenever I decide to do a weight training program (be it bodyweight or with weights) I don’t continue with it isn’t any excuse or reason, but a mentality I can’t break. I was born pre-mature and as results I had open heart surgery at 3 weeks old and some major stuff occurred and the results was I had to see a cardiologist for years (in fact I am still seeing one, just not the same one…)

 

Throughout my childhood my cardiologist and my mom were telling me I couldn’t do this, or that, or some other thing and I think that effected my mentality in regards to certain things. I wasn’t allowed to play semi-contact or contact sports: Baseball ( I was able to play baseball up to the minor league within the little league association and I did), Soccer, American Football, Wrestling, etc… I also wasn’t allowed to do strenuous amounts of heavy lifting (the cardiologist was afraid it would overwork my heart or something at the time) and those restrictions remained for such a long period of time that it just became a part of my mentality and my way of life… Even though as I got older I broke away slightly.. More on that in a bit though…

 

As a kid I was told I was only allowed to do cardio based sports – Track and Field, Tennis, Golf, etc… Probably why I hated running so much even though I also think I hated the shoes just as much…I was stuck in a rut and I didn’t like it. As I got older though, I added in other activities that I enjoyed… Bike riding, rollerblading, hiking… I would put miles upon miles on my bike daily during the late  Spring to early-Fall (Summer break for American Schools mostly) to hang out with my cousin, and if I didn’t do that I put miles on my roller blades… I did inline skating with skates that weren’t even designed for it… Rigged them if you will.

 

I left hiking though for those times when I was at my grandma’s camper, I would just tell them I was going in the woods and I’d be back later… And later I was… Hours I was gone trekking through the woods, just walking about. Things did change though as I got older I noticed… My grandmother’s family friend’s mother passed away and the woods were sold off, my grandmother’s friend passed away and she sold her camper… So needless to say, I wasn’t able to keep hiking there. So I stopped.

 

As my cousin and I got older our activities changed, I wanted to remain a child – active, carefree – he became like every other teenage kid… Video Games, Mountain Dew, etc… So my trips to his house daily stopped happening… Friends moved away, decided to stop skating – So I stopped. See what happened? Life moved on… I refused to let it go and ultimately I “moved onâ€â€¦ And here’s how I did it.

 

A few of my friends remained in the same attitude I was in, so we still hung out. During the late summer into mid Fall we would play backyard football – Here comes my lovely break from what I was told I could and couldn’t do – and I wouldn’t take ‘Two hand Touch’ crap at the time. I was tired of being coddled and letting life just slip away with all the fun stuff as I got older… But soon enough, that went away too and I still miss those days.

 

But during all that time, I found a new outlet for my imagination and my mind to run rampant in… I was introduced to the lovely thing called the Internet (at that time it was still commonly called the World Wide Web, sad eh?) and that was at the local library in my hometown. They had a single computer with a 56K modem that would end up becoming my home for years… I ended up getting a job there and watched for a decade as the place’s internet and computer access went from a single computer with 56K modem to a full Ethernet 10/100 backboned networked of nearly two dozen computers and wireless access for the public to use their laptops and eReaders and Tablets on…

 

I also knew that growing up I wanted to build things, so I aspired at one point to become an Architect, not just one of those annoying ones that just looked at the drawings and told others what to do, but one of those ones that helped with the building… Hoisting up stacks of wood, shingles, etc… But alas, my brain told me I wasn’t allowed to do that, doctor’s orders… But I was still able to use my hands… In high school I took two drawing courses that were geared towards those wanting to pursue the world of construction as an architect: Mechnical Drawing and Architecture Drawing… I was going to take CAD and decided after seeing how heavy-handed and blurry (I erased a lot) my drawings were I wasn’t cut out for CAD and therefore for being an architect…

 

Plus, I failed a Science course that was needed for graduating credit-wise and had to pursue a different path to meet those needs. So I went to the local vocational school (BOCES) for something that I was already using my hands and mind for as an end user… I went for computers – in my junior year I went from computer technician and am proud to say that I got certified in 2004 for that. Yeah! And in 2005 I went on to the CISCO portion of the BOCES courses and didn’t get that certification – That’s okay though! Those two courses, plus a previous course I took and loved in high school on programming in VB6 opened my eyes to something else… I liked computers, and I was able to building things using my hands!

 

AND it didn’t go against my cardiologist’s wishes… WIN-WIN… Right? Well, sort of… Last night made me realize something… I had another passion as a child, something I still have yet to accomplish… I have always wanted to fly a plane… Growing up every trip I made out with my grandmother and my mother to my cardiologist appointments they would watch me stare longingly out the windows at the airport with the runway and the planes taking off, and right across from it was a small airstrip that offered glider lessons and such for people… Yet every time my parents would go to book a session for me (I was told this years later) they were closed or something… So I kept those dreams stashed away, trying to save my last bit of my childhood away…

 

There was a change though in the rules of my life, but not necessarily in me… This past spring and summer I found I did indeed love jogging, once I found vibrams that was. But that wasn’t the big change… No, it was from this past November my new cardiologist tossed the previous restrictions away with lifting heavy stuff. Sweet! So I tried Strong Lifts 5x5, loved the feel of doing it… But I started to slack on other things – important things—and dropped it… Also, my mindset kicked in… That nagging old rule of ‘my heart can’t handle this’… My grades couldn’t handle it was the truth of the matter… But my mentality didn’t see it that way… At this point I was one semester away from the internship I now am taking… I was using what I thought was my strongest strength – my brain – to get the necessary knowledge and toolsets to build awesome and amazing things… Or at least parts of awesome and amazing things.

 

This internship has rekindled that lost dream of flying. Drones… I can fly drones… I can MAKE DRONES… I CAN EVEN PROGRAM DRONES… Holy shit, I found the jackpot of my dreams! I think… I mean I can fly the one at the school well enough, some more practice and I can learn to take off and land and take back off again. There are kits out there to make drones… hell, I know enough about how they work – and if I don’t, Google is there to help me – I can easily design a system to fly one and then make it happen…

 

But what does all this have to do with fitness? Well, its stress relief… My whole life I have been worried about overdoing this, I am not able to do that… I haven’t found something I want to do for the rest of my life… I think I have now. I think I knew it all along but it now slapped me in the face. Hard.

Gnomish Superhero-In-Training S3|D3|S1|C3|W4.75|CH3

Gnomish Trials and Tribulations

1|2(a)|3|4
Gnomes Have Epic Quests Too! This gets updated as things get finished or I add more =D


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LOL

No slapping! hehehe

 

This is a great moment in life. You have found a truth that is yours! No doctor or concerned family member will be able to tough this dream. So the more you work towards the goal of Drone Genius, the more the old voices of worry and limits will diminish. Perhaps you could try circuit training? It's weights, but done faster to get cardio. The weights aren't at your normal levels - you have to deload in order to do them with a lot less rests in between sets and exercises. Dunno. I love doing it, but not sure it's for everyone. I am very happy for you, NGnome. Finding a true love of yours is a wonderful feeling. Keep working at it and you will thrive.

 

Flying? YAY!!

22nd level Wanderer

better is right here, right now

The Way

Here's to all the 1% increases in life!

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Going to leave thia reminder here for later so i can expans upon it: last night wife said i have been angry or depressed or something the last few years all the time... Thought me going to college and my internship was helping... Apparently not. Going to think upon this and then reply

Gnomish Superhero-In-Training S3|D3|S1|C3|W4.75|CH3

Gnomish Trials and Tribulations

1|2(a)|3|4
Gnomes Have Epic Quests Too! This gets updated as things get finished or I add more =D


Link to post

Hum... looking in the mirror is so priceless. I'm glad your wife was able to say something to you. Now you have a chance to truly see who and where you are at in this moment. I hope you find some truths and ideas that will bring you further along the path you want. Hugs

22nd level Wanderer

better is right here, right now

The Way

Here's to all the 1% increases in life!

Link to post

Going to leave thia reminder here for later so i can expans upon it: last night wife said i have been angry or depressed or something the last few years all the time... Thought me going to college and my internship was helping... Apparently not. Going to think upon this and then reply

 

Well it is later, so here I am gonna repost the above mentioned information and go from there...

 

OKay, well apparently things haven't been going as well as they should have been... I am still insanely miserable a lot of the time and angry at just about everything. It isn't fair to my family at all. I shouldn't be this way and I haven't dug down far enough to figure out the entire issue. I know some of it is pride - it doesn't want to relinquish and admit that some of the problems I am having is due to it. It wants to keep ahead and not admit that my faults and flaws aren't entirely a hidden fact. They are there and my Pride (I am haven't quite decided on what to call it honestly, it protests like a roaring lion at times... And meek like a mouse other times.)  has yet to come to terms that these faults/flaws of mine aren't going to hurt it any.

 

I think there is some of my issue, I haven't dug deeper to see other issues or problems that are making me miserable... My actual job (not my internship) is a miserabel suckhole of a source of income... Not necessarily the job or the customers... It's the people above me, they get a little bit of power/privilege/whatever and they think they can just step all over you... And there is nothing I can do as a part timer right now as the managers really don't effectively help any. I can't turn to the union about it cause they just don't give a damn (and the people I have an issue with are other union members) meh.

 

I don't wanna quit my job cause it is a steady income... But I don't feel like it's worth the shit I deal with during my three days a week I am there. -sighs- I am hoping my internship is fully completed come May and I can get the hell outta that job and into something I wanna do.

Gnomish Superhero-In-Training S3|D3|S1|C3|W4.75|CH3

Gnomish Trials and Tribulations

1|2(a)|3|4
Gnomes Have Epic Quests Too! This gets updated as things get finished or I add more =D


Link to post

Hey NGnome.

 

I'm really proud of you for posting this. It's not easy to put it somewhere outside of your own head. It's good that you feel secure here, because you very much are.

 

I've tried three times to write something and I still feel like you may not want to hear it. And that's totally cool, I guess I just want to know from you, what feedback, if any, are you looking for?

 

I could give you my history of working with my brain, but that won't line up necessarily with what you are facing. But you are facing it which tells me, you're ready to see more of you and your life. One way to help is spending a little time each day, observing someone else and their world. I think it helps us get out of our own way. I have spent a lot of time focusing on my shortcomings and mistakes without a frame of reference except that my brain (ego) demands perfection and it is never truly pleased. When I witness others and their problems, my compassion is always present to some degree. If you practice seeing situations with your compassion first, it can help you stay true to you and keep you from spending inordinate amounts of time bashing yourself for not living up to... whatever it is.

 

So I'm really new with anger so not sure I can give any specifics about it, except to say it can be channeled into other areas in your life, for good and ill. Perhaps it's what your wife is seeing, the part of your anger that isn't suppose to let loose with family but does. Not sure if you've done any therapy or have researched it at all, but I would recommend it. It's that safe place that allows you to let your guard down, get angry, and get feedback and support. If your anger can come out there where it won't hurt anyone, you can 'see deeper' much more easily.

 

I am thinking of you and wishing you the best. I hope your answers come soon and that life can move forward more smoothly. Hugs.

22nd level Wanderer

better is right here, right now

The Way

Here's to all the 1% increases in life!

Link to post

Side stepping slightly from my pride and mental blocking of motivatinal and exercising to my gut... I had a slow day at my internship today so I spent the time looking at MFP and realized I have no clue what I am eating and when... It made little sense to how my brain thinks about things. So I made an adjustment to it.. I now set it MFP to go in 4 segments, 6 hour time slots, in military time... Everything I use personally is in military time (irks the wife tremendously but I never liked regular time setups)

 

So my stuff is timestamped like this: miltiary time, dd/mm/yyyy. So my brain makes a lot of sense in that fashion -- never understood why. LOL. Anyway, now that i did that I can start making note as to what I am feeling when I am eating, why I am eating, and the timeframes I am eating the most during... -nods- I figured every six hours was a good way to look at it for a while, once I get a better understanding of when I eat what not I can tweak MFP finer and narrow down the times better. So Phase I is still going underway but it is being a bit more tweaked in how i am operating.

 

As people always say on chat and on the forums and I think even Steve said it in his blogs numerous times: 80% of your health is done via the fork... You can't outrun the bastard... Well, something to that extent. Blasted fork.

Gnomish Superhero-In-Training S3|D3|S1|C3|W4.75|CH3

Gnomish Trials and Tribulations

1|2(a)|3|4
Gnomes Have Epic Quests Too! This gets updated as things get finished or I add more =D


Link to post

LOL How true that damn fork is a mastermind of devious pro'portions! Ha See what I did there!? hehehe

I'm tired. Obviously.

 

I think your MFP tactic will help out a lot. ANd military time is the way to go. I have my phone on 24 hr clock and noone seems to know the time when they check my phone!

 

You are sticking this out really well, man.. You can be proud of yourself for that.

Let us know how MFP works out.

22nd level Wanderer

better is right here, right now

The Way

Here's to all the 1% increases in life!

Link to post

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