The Trials of Kishi, the Gray Jedi: Gray Knight

[Kishi]

 

There is neither darkness, nor light;

There is only the Force.

There is passion, yet peace.

Serenity, yet emotion.

Chaos, yet order.

I am the shadow cast by the sun,

I am the candle burning in the night,

And the Force alone shall guide me.

 

Well, the first challenge saw a lot of good things happen. I'm meditating on the regular now, and I read my Bible just about every day now. I'm even writing more now. Yeah, my room isn't very clean, but nothing's perfect.

 

In any case, this is as good a time of the year as any to have a mentality-based challenge. We are entering into the Lenten season, or if I may be permitted some Gray poetry, the Time of Ashes. If ever there was a time to be disciplined, this would be it.

 

As I have begun to court discipline in earnest, I'm finding that there are undisciplined places in my mind. And sure, fine, it's okay to not be perfect. Nevertheless, there are bits and pieces of myself that are holding me back from being my best self. I spent last challenge stoking the Light into a fire. Now it's time to take that fire and walk into the Dark of paranoia and bitterness and self-loathing.

 

But these things can't be beaten in six weeks alone. That's an on-going thing. So I must work in my body to transcend my limits, in my mind to learn a new story, in my soul as a man of love.

 

If this all sounds vague and ranty as you read it, well, it feels vague and ranty to write it. I don't have a good way to take the concrete physical things and apply them to the abstract. It's all too big, and even if I succeed, new challenges will arise. I know that.

 

But maybe that's the whole point of being a Gray Jedi - to be comfortable on that razor's edge of succor and struggle, to fall to neither side but refine oneself endlessly.

 

Sure, I may not have any clue what I'm doing, but I'll be honest with you about it.

 

Process 1: AthleanXero

 

Well, we got six weeks of challenge. The Xero program is six weeks. I figure, me coming off a deload and having done well with it, it's as good a time as any to get back into it. So, I'mma grapple with that for the next six weeks. We'll see how she goes.

 

Process 2: Pull Up

 

Xero is a no-equipment program (no bench, no bar, no band, no bull!). The thing is, I want to get better at pull ups. 7FG challenged me to get to a one-arm-pullup by the year's end, so I'm progressing toward it. Currently, I'm practicing by doing pull ups in sets and reps rather than doing the banded method just yet. I'm adding one rep daily, basically. Goal is to miss no days. I can grease the groove for my reps, or I can do them as their own workout, or whatever. The idea's just to not miss a day.

 

Process 3: Cleaning

 

Okay, so. This failed nastily last challenge. We need to change the approach on this if we want to make this work.

 

Basically, I let myself get overwhelmed with the idea of all the stuff being gone. The big boxes are what need to be gone, but really, everything needs to be gone. So, we start with low bar. Clean up the tiniest box I can find. Once per week. No excuses.

 

Process 4: Lent

 

This thing. I've decided to address a particularly negative habit for the season. And the thing is, I don't mind talking about it. I'm actually fairly comfortable talking about it. But I seem to be alone in my comfort with addressing it, and I don't know how to talk about it in a way that edifies anyone. So, in a rare move, this is something I'm going to keep on the downlow here.

 

So why bring it up? Because I want/need some accountability. And if you ask me, I have no problem talking to you about it, but understand it's probably going to be something that needs to be kept to PMs.

 

*

 

And so it begins.

 

I'm sure I've used this before, but to hell with it. Let's rock.

 

 

[BlackTezca]

Kishi has finally arrived...

 

I'm following along!  And Blazblue!  NICE!

[Kishi]

Kishi has finally arrived...

 

I'm following along!  And Blazblue!  NICE!

 

Well, I wasn't gonna let y'all have all the fun.

 

And yeah, Blazblue! That opening organ solo, girl, just. Mm. Dig it. Makes Kishi a happy fighting man.

[Teirin]

You really should have been a warrior Monk though this grey Jedi concept seems to suit you quite well.   Perfection is something to strive for but never attain.

 

Getting rid of stuff seems to be a remarkably difficult challenge.  You have the right of it there.  I'm tackling my own list in similarly smaller chunks.

[ladylydia]

Stalking, subbing.  Love the pull up goal, adding a rep a day; it works really well. I've been doing the same thing with burpees. Can't wait to see your progress.

[mitch_dee]

Ohhh, a mental challenge, fun......I myself tend to be mentally challenging.

 

As for Process 4, I'm always around to help a fellow Nerd out so if you need someone or an extra someone let me know, feel free to PM me.

[Kishi]

You really should have been a warrior Monk though this grey Jedi concept seems to suit you quite well.   Perfection is something to strive for but never attain.

 

Getting rid of stuff seems to be a remarkably difficult challenge.  You have the right of it there.  I'm tackling my own list in similarly smaller chunks.

 

Mm? In what way? You mean as someone who lifts weights and fights aliens and doesn't afraid of anything? Or as, say, the more traditional model, like a Shaolin or Wudang monk? (either of those is okay).

 

Yeah, stuff. I dunno. I don't use any of it, but tell me to get rid of it and all of a sudden Facebook is just *so* enticing.

 

Stalking, subbing.  Love the pull up goal, adding a rep a day; it works really well. I've been doing the same thing with burpees. Can't wait to see your progress.

 

Me either! Should be awesome.

 

Ohhh, a mental challenge, fun......I myself tend to be mentally challenging.

 

As for Process 4, I'm always around to help a fellow Nerd out so if you need someone or an extra someone let me know, feel free to PM me.

 

Oh no, don't riddle me! I couldn't keep up! ;D

 

I think I'll take you up on that, actually. Thanks.

[Oramac]

 

 

Quoting this for quite possibly the mostest awesomestestest picture of a Jedi Sentinel I've ever seen.  Seriously.  That pic is a whole new level of Awesome.  

 

 

Also, Kishi, I'm more than willing to help with anything you need too.  Feel free to PM me if you need.  (I honestly think there's not a monk among us that wouldn't be willing to help)

[RisenPhoenix]

Process 2: Pull Up

 

Xero is a no-equipment program (no bench, no bar, no band, no bull!). The thing is, I want to get better at pull ups. 7FG challenged me to get to a one-arm-pullup by the year's end, so I'm progressing toward it. Currently, I'm practicing by doing pull ups in sets and reps rather than doing the banded method just yet. I'm adding one rep daily, basically. Goal is to miss no days. I can grease the groove for my reps, or I can do them as their own workout, or whatever. The idea's just to not miss a day.

 

Man.  Now I feel like I should get to one armed pull ups, too!  Dammit, Kishi!  Y U tempt me with things to do?!

 

 

Also, it sounds like you're tackling the problem PLP style.  Nice.  That definitely upped my pull up ability (though it's fallen to the wayside a bit).

[Darth Thorn]

Another Star Wars themed challenge?

Subbed.

[stillskies]

I find mental challenges to be the hardest kinds of challenges. Dealing with my own thoughts are way harder than getting my butt up and going to the gym. I think it's an internal v external thing - fighting the external is significantly easier because there is something to work through, whereas you're fighting against yourself on the internal. That's just me, though.

 

I do not envy you the pull ups. I can't even do an unassisted chin up. 

 

If you want an extra person to talk to about the Lenten goal, feel free to PM me. Pretty sure Oramac is right and that there really isn't anyone in the guild who wouldn't be willing to help. 

[pwallace]

SUBBED and following. After the words of encouragement yesterday, I am willing to do pretty much anythign to help out that I can

[Oramac]

Another Star Wars themed challenge?

 

We sure are getting a lot of Darth's around here.  I'll be a bit scared if we ever see a Darth 7FG.... 

[RisenPhoenix]

We sure are getting a lot of Darth's around here.  I'll be a bit scared if we ever see a Darth 7FG.... 

 

He already is one, he just is too lazy to add it to his name.

 

But he does have an epic Dark Side t-shirt.

[Teirin]

Mm? In what way? You mean as someone who lifts weights and fights aliens and doesn't afraid of anything? Or as, say, the more traditional model, like a Shaolin or Wudang monk? (either of those is okay).

 

Yeah, stuff. I dunno. I don't use any of it, but tell me to get rid of it and all of a sudden Facebook is just *so* enticing.

 

 

More the traditional way, but that's flexible.

 

Eesh, yes.  "I should do that thing"  Brain:  No, anything but that!  Look over there!

[The Shogun]

 

This thing. I've decided to address a particularly negative habit for the season. And the thing is, I don't mind talking about it. I'm actually fairly comfortable talking about it. But I seem to be alone in my comfort with addressing it, and I don't know how to talk about it in a way that edifies anyone. So, in a rare move, this is something I'm going to keep on the downlow here.

 

So why bring it up? Because I want/need some accountability. And if you ask me, I have no problem talking to you about it, but understand it's probably going to be something that needs to be kept to PMs.

 

 

NOW I NEED TO KNOW

 

 

 

I'm just kidding (I make jokes when I'm nervous, it's my defense mechanism) but I just wanted to let you know I'm available to privately talk and willing to feel uncomfortable for a while if it edifies or helps you with this goal. 

[The Shogun]

He already is one, he just is too lazy to add it to his name.

 

But he does have an epic Dark Side t-shirt.

 

Ahem <.< 

 

ahem >.>

 

if I get enough votes I'll use my mod shiny links and do it for him when he's not around in the for—

 

who are we kidding... Kishi's always in the forums. 

[TeaKwonDo]

Subbed.

 

Because domming this thread would be inappropriate.

 

Best of luck with the Lent portion of your challenge. Your respect for others' sensibilities deserves respect in and of itself--it's easy to overshare on the Internet, where you never know who's comfortable with what, and what could backlash into a slipstream on tumblr. Keeping something on the downlow is really honorable.

 

/Mulan

[Kishi]

Quoting this for quite possibly the mostest awesomestestest picture of a Jedi Sentinel I've ever seen.  Seriously.  That pic is a whole new level of Awesome.  

 

 

Also, Kishi, I'm more than willing to help with anything you need too.  Feel free to PM me if you need.  (I honestly think there's not a monk among us that wouldn't be willing to help)

 

Well, the thing is, you help me here on the forum by watching my scores and keeping me accountable. The reason I spoke like that was to acknowledge that I was playing a slightly different tack rather than the open!honest!issues! Kishi that y'all are used to dealing with, and to open myself to transparency if that was what people wanted of me. You don't owe me anything at all.

 

Man.  Now I feel like I should get to one armed pull ups, too!  Dammit, Kishi!  Y U tempt me with things to do?!

 

 

Also, it sounds like you're tackling the problem PLP style.  Nice.  That definitely upped my pull up ability (though it's fallen to the wayside a bit).

 

You want in on it? Ten months left in the year...

 

PLP/Kavadlo style. I'm limiting myself to five sets in a day for any given exercise that I perform. There are *some* limits on this, though I'm willing to play loose with that.

 

Another Star Wars themed challenge?

Subbed.

 

Thanks! I'll have to return the favor.

 

I find mental challenges to be the hardest kinds of challenges. Dealing with my own thoughts are way harder than getting my butt up and going to the gym. I think it's an internal v external thing - fighting the external is significantly easier because there is something to work through, whereas you're fighting against yourself on the internal. That's just me, though.

 

I do not envy you the pull ups. I can't even do an unassisted chin up. 

 

If you want an extra person to talk to about the Lenten goal, feel free to PM me. Pretty sure Oramac is right and that there really isn't anyone in the guild who wouldn't be willing to help. 

 

I'm kind of in the same place. You can lift 200 pounds and at the end of the day, you lifted 200 pounds. But do you know if you're genuinely a better person at the end of the day, or are you simply allowing your biases to paint a pleasing picture of yourself? It's not just you.

 

Yeah, pull ups. Yeah...

 

I might just take you up on that, yeah.

 

SUBBED and following. After the words of encouragement yesterday, I am willing to do pretty much anythign to help out that I can

 

Thanks, man, appreciate that.

 

More the traditional way, but that's flexible.

 

Eesh, yes.  "I should do that thing"  Brain:  No, anything but that!  Look over there!

 

Right?

 

OVER THERE IS SO SHINY, THO!

 

NOW I NEED TO KNOW

 

 

 

I'm just kidding (I make jokes when I'm nervous, it's my defense mechanism) but I just wanted to let you know I'm available to privately talk and willing to feel uncomfortable for a while if it edifies or helps you with this goal. 

 

Always glad to know you got my back, Shogun.

 

Subbed.

 

Because domming this thread would be inappropriate.

 

Best of luck with the Lent portion of your challenge. Your respect for others' sensibilities deserves respect in and of itself--it's easy to overshare on the Internet, where you never know who's comfortable with what, and what could backlash into a slipstream on tumblr. Keeping something on the downlow is really honorable.

 

/Mulan

 

My safe word is bacon.

 

I mean, you know. If you're into that kind of thing. We should at least talk a little first, right?

 

I have an easy time oversharing anyway on account of feeling like I've left myself out of the lives of people that I care about, and I take my personal notions of transparency and honesty very seriously. I wanted to own up to the fact that I'm playing closer to the vest than normal, but at the same time keep myself open so that people could deal with me as they saw fit.

 

Oh, Tumblr.

 

[PinkNinja]

I'm here.

 

I know. You're so relieved.

[Kishi]

I'm here.

 

I know. You're so relieved.

 

 

*

 

So. Went out with the Girl.

 

We talked. We laughed. We had a good time. My kanbojutsu served me well.

 

And barring some strange change of heart, that's about as far as the story goes. I don't know what I was expecting - some spark, some kind of flipped switch, some kind of signal or validation of what was going on in my head - but it didn't happen. We sat and talked for about an hour or so, and then I walked her back to her car, 'cuz downtown and cold and dark and night, and... that was it.

 

The craziest part, though? I'm completely okay with this. I've been marveling at it as the night goes on, but I'm completely peaceful with this outcome. I suppose if she changes her mind, she knows where to find me.

 

We met as friends. We parted as friends. All things considered, I'd say that could have been worse.

[Oramac]

Subbed.

 

Because domming this thread would be inappropriate.

My safe word is bacon.

 

I mean, you know. If you're into that kind of thing. We should at least talk a little first, right?

 

This made me laugh!  I think "red" is the best safe word.  But bacon might be a close second.  Mmmmmmm.......bacon

 

So. Went out with the Girl.

 

We talked. We laughed. We had a good time. My kanbojutsu served me well.

 

And barring some strange change of heart, that's about as far as the story goes. I don't know what I was expecting - some spark, some kind of flipped switch, some kind of signal or validation of what was going on in my head - but it didn't happen. We sat and talked for about an hour or so, and then I walked her back to her car, 'cuz downtown and cold and dark and night, and... that was it.

 

The craziest part, though? I'm completely okay with this. I've been marveling at it as the night goes on, but I'm completely peaceful with this outcome. I suppose if she changes her mind, she knows where to find me.

 

We met as friends. We parted as friends. All things considered, I'd say that could have been worse.

 

Sounds great man!  I'm glad it went so well, and you're in a great spot about it too.  Win-win for sure.  

[RisenPhoenix]

So. Went out with the Girl.

 

We talked. We laughed. We had a good time. My kanbojutsu served me well.

 

And barring some strange change of heart, that's about as far as the story goes. I don't know what I was expecting - some spark, some kind of flipped switch, some kind of signal or validation of what was going on in my head - but it didn't happen. We sat and talked for about an hour or so, and then I walked her back to her car, 'cuz downtown and cold and dark and night, and... that was it.

 

The craziest part, though? I'm completely okay with this. I've been marveling at it as the night goes on, but I'm completely peaceful with this outcome. I suppose if she changes her mind, she knows where to find me.

 

We met as friends. We parted as friends. All things considered, I'd say that could have been worse.

 

Hey, that's why they are called coffee dates.  They let you figure out if the spark is there without getting into anything too deep (or expensive).  I figure if you came out with decent conversation and a smile, that's not a bad way to spend an hour.

 

Welcome to the dating pool.  Your feet are now wet.

[Kyellan]

Another challenge looking good, Kishi! I'll be here to cheer you on, of course. =)

[Mistr]

Yeah, stuff. I dunno. I don't use any of it, but tell me to get rid of it and all of a sudden Facebook is just *so* enticing.

 

Yep. I didn't even mention stuff in my challenge this time. It's hidden there in "dreaded tasks". Too scary to name.

 

 

So. Went out with the Girl.

 

We talked. We laughed. We had a good time. My kanbojutsu served me well.

 

The craziest part, though? I'm completely okay with this. I've been marveling at it as the night goes on, but I'm completely peaceful with this outcome. I suppose if she changes her mind, she knows where to find me.

 

We met as friends. We parted as friends. All things considered, I'd say that could have been worse.

 

Awesome! You went on a date and came out with all your toes intact!

 

Seriously, I'm here to talk with you about anything. PM me if you'd like my number.