The Trials of Kishi, the Gray Jedi: Gray Knight

[Kishi]

Sounds great man!  I'm glad it went so well, and you're in a great spot about it too.  Win-win for sure.  

 

Absolutely. I feel calm and quiet again. It's good.

 

Hey, that's why they are called coffee dates.  They let you figure out if the spark is there without getting into anything too deep (or expensive).  I figure if you came out with decent conversation and a smile, that's not a bad way to spend an hour.

 

Welcome to the dating pool.  Your feet are now wet.

 

Yeah, it was a great deal of fun. Or at least, I enjoyed myself. I hope I was enjoyable company for my part, although I think I probably talked a little too much martial arts/training stuff.

 

Aaaah, wet feet... get dry get dry get dry!

 

Yep. I didn't even mention stuff in my challenge this time. It's hidden there in "dreaded tasks". Too scary to name.

 

 

Awesome! You went on a date and came out with all your toes intact!

 

Seriously, I'm here to talk with you about anything. PM me if you'd like my number.

 

The dreaded "Stuff." Yes, I know this.

 

Yes! Nowhere near as scary as I thought it would be.

 

I might just take you up on that. I just might...

 

Another challenge looking good, Kishi! I'll be here to cheer you on, of course. =)

 

Thanks!

 

*

 

AX: 1/1

 

Pull Up: 1/1

 

Cleaning: 0/1

 

Lent: 1/1

 

Whooo, heavy strength training. The idea with this is drop-set work, one move done to failure followed immediately by a lighter move. I was stronger (read: more reps) on all my primaries, and only lost a little bit on one secondary.

 

I've stuck with my pull ups so far and I'll be updating this topic once I get 'em done. They will be done. I promise.

 

The paranoia kicked up into high gear yesterday. I found myself wondering, pondering why it didn't work - what was wrong with me and why the spark didn't happen. I thought that there might just be something wrong with me, that I might be damaged in a very real and profound way that I just don't understand, or that I should somehow try again with her.

 

And then I ate some food and realized that that was dumb, and that sometimes there's just nothing there, and it's okay. It's okay. I'm okay. I am damaged in some ways, but it's not any worse than anyone else. I'm okay. We're okay. Everything is okay.

 

My Lent is kept.

[littlewings]

[BlackTezca]

The paranoia kicked up into high gear yesterday. I found myself wondering, pondering why it didn't work - what was wrong with me and why the spark didn't happen. I thought that there might just be something wrong with me, that I might be damaged in a very real and profound way that I just don't understand, or that I should somehow try again with her.

 

And then I ate some food and realized that that was dumb, and that sometimes there's just nothing there, and it's okay. It's okay. I'm okay. I am damaged in some ways, but it's not any worse than anyone else. I'm okay. We're okay. Everything is okay.

 

My Lent is kept.

 

As someone who gets completely off-balance by something breaking against my routine or against a plan I made, I understand that paranoia.  But like you're saying, everything is okay .  You're definitely okay .

 

[PinkNinja]

Oohh! A date with the girl. It sounds like it went ok. Is there supposed to be a spark on the first go round? I dunno. I don't think I've ever done conventional dating. I don't even know if I know what conventional dating is? I feel like such an old person saying that? But if you left it feeling okay, then I guess things went the way things should go. If you left a wreck, that  would suck.

All but one of my boyfriends were really good friends for a long time first. The only one that wasn't is my current. We met online through a dumb "what dog are you?" quiz and started talking on the phone. I have made a couple of really good friends through what were supposed to be blind dates. One, we went out, about ten minutes in realized we could never date one another and we're still really good friends now that it's 6 years later.

 

So on the 0/1 pull up, I didn't do any pushups today. So I'm going to go do mine. Race you.

[PinkNinja]

Did it! Yay! 2 full push ups, 8 kneeling.

 

(k, so I know it wasn't a real race, mostly because you had no idea it was happening, and yours = way harder, but it made me get up and go do push ups! So thanks!)

[Kishi]

 

 

As someone who gets completely off-balance by something breaking against my routine or against a plan I made, I understand that paranoia.  But like you're saying, everything is okay .  You're definitely okay .

 

 

Thanks! This is the problem with being introverted and living so much in my own mind. I tell you, it gets a little weird in here sometimes.

 

I will take hugs.

 

 

Oohh! A date with the girl. It sounds like it went ok. Is there supposed to be a spark on the first go round? I dunno. I don't think I've ever done conventional dating. I don't even know if I know what conventional dating is? I feel like such an old person saying that? But if you left it feeling okay, then I guess things went the way things should go. If you left a wreck, that  would suck.

All but one of my boyfriends were really good friends for a long time first. The only one that wasn't is my current. We met online through a dumb "what dog are you?" quiz and started talking on the phone. I have made a couple of really good friends through what were supposed to be blind dates. One, we went out, about ten minutes in realized we could never date one another and we're still really good friends now that it's 6 years later.

 

So on the 0/1 pull up, I didn't do any pushups today. So I'm going to go do mine. Race you.

 

Oh, no, there was no crashing or burning or anything like that. And the big thing I wanted to ultimately figure out - whether or not we could talk without beer and friends and social lubrication - I did figure out, and we can. I guess I just didn't know where to go next, and when I walked her back she said she'd see me next game day - which means company and such like that. And I know, it's probably reading too much into it to figure that for meaning anything, but she spoke and I listened and I've figured that for being that.

 

See, I'm not sure if I'm comfortable with the idea of being friends first. It feels like I'm using the friendship for something, as if friendship isn't worthwhile in and of itself. That's why on a certain level I wanted to try to figure out if there was something deeper there. I could accept it as something that we come to mutually feel over time, but as it is, this is me traveling a one-way street and I'm not interested in that. It's just not worth it to carry on that way.

 

Did it! Yay! 2 full push ups, 8 kneeling.

 

(k, so I know it wasn't a real race, mostly because you had no idea it was happening, and yours = way harder, but it made me get up and go do push ups! So thanks!)

 

Gah, beat me! But I'm glad you hit your push ups just the same.

[stillskies]

The paranoia kicked up into high gear yesterday. I found myself wondering, pondering why it didn't work - what was wrong with me and why the spark didn't happen. I thought that there might just be something wrong with me, that I might be damaged in a very real and profound way that I just don't understand, or that I should somehow try again with her.

 

And then I ate some food and realized that that was dumb, and that sometimes there's just nothing there, and it's okay. It's okay. I'm okay. I am damaged in some ways, but it's not any worse than anyone else. I'm okay. We're okay. Everything is okay.

 

My Lent is kept.

 

I know this feel. I have a tendency to overanalyze things to the point that I really think it's detrimental and unhealthy. Unlike you, however, I haven't gotten to the point where I can look at it and realize I'm being dumb. I have to have other people tell me that. Sparks happen or they don't; in the end, it's not fair to try to force a spark if there isn't anything there, and if there isn't? There's nothing wrong with that. 

 

As for something being wrong with you - no one is perfect. And you're absolutely correct: you may be damaged (I prefer 'bits of character,' personally ), but you're no worse for wear than anyone else. You're a good person, who is nice and empathetic and genuinely wants to do the right thing. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that, therefore there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. 

 

See, I'm not sure if I'm comfortable with the idea of being friends first. It feels like I'm using the friendship for something, as if friendship isn't worthwhile in and of itself. That's why on a certain level I wanted to try to figure out if there was something deeper there. I could accept it as something that we come to mutually feel over time, but as it is, this is me traveling a one-way street and I'm not interested in that. It's just not worth it to carry on that way.

 

I have complicated feelings about this, but if I have a romantic interest in someone, I tend to agree with you. Being friends first - when I know that I want something more - feels wrong. If it's an issue of we're totally friends with no romantic feelings and then a few months/years down the road, sudden romantic interest, that feels okay. But then, I'm super weird when it comes to romance. I'm kind of glad that I have that whole married thing going for me. 

[Kyellan]

But then, I'm super weird when it comes to romance. I'm kind of glad that I have that whole married thing going for me. 

 

Phew, me too. I have absolutely zero idea how dating works/is supposed to work, because I got stupid lucky when I was just a kid and stumbled headfirst into a life-long relationship.

 

I always tell my wife she's not allowed to go anywhere, because I would have no freakin' clue how to start over from square one...

[BlackTezca]

I know this feel. I have a tendency to overanalyze things to the point that I really think it's detrimental and unhealthy. Unlike you, however, I haven't gotten to the point where I can look at it and realize I'm being dumb. I have to have other people tell me that.

 

I tend to fall into a lot of rationalization on how this weird thing I can't control happened that ruined my day because obviously it must be my fault somehow.  If I blame myself, it means that I had control over the situation.  I swear, I could walk out to my car and a meteorite would suddenly destroy it, out of nowhere, and my first thought will be "Obviously I did something that caused this.  If I had parked elsewhere this wouldn't have happened.  I'm an idiotic failure who should have predicted this very moment."  I am still working on this and it's not easy .

 

I have complicated feelings about this, but if I have a romantic interest in someone, I tend to agree with you. Being friends first - when I know that I want something more - feels wrong. If it's an issue of we're totally friends with no romantic feelings and then a few months/years down the road, sudden romantic interest, that feels okay. But then, I'm super weird when it comes to romance. I'm kind of glad that I have that whole married thing going for me. 

 

I agree; starting out being friends with someone for hopes of a relationship...is...well...I feel like something always goes wrong when hoping for something romantic to come out of a friendship and feelings can get hurt and messy.  I understand keeping things casual at first, but eventually one has to let go if the spark ain't there.

[stillskies]

Phew, me too. I have absolutely zero idea how dating works/is supposed to work, because I got stupid lucky when I was just a kid and stumbled headfirst into a life-long relationship.

 

I always tell my wife she's not allowed to go anywhere, because I would have no freakin' clue how to start over from square one...

 

Right? I did the dating thing for a while, and sometimes I think I miss it, but then I remember how exhausting it was. No thanks. I'm good with my current relationship.

 

I tend to fall into a lot of rationalization on how this weird thing I can't control happened that ruined my day because obviously it must be my fault somehow.  If I blame myself, it means that I had control over the situation.  I swear, I could walk out to my car and a meteorite would suddenly destroy it, out of nowhere, and my first thought will be "Obviously I did something that caused this.  If I had parked elsewhere this wouldn't have happened.  I'm an idiotic failure who should have predicted this very moment."  I am still working on this and it's not easy .

 

 

I agree; starting out being friends with someone for hopes of a relationship...is...well...I feel like something always goes wrong when hoping for something romantic to come out of a friendship and feelings can get hurt and messy.  I understand keeping things casual at first, but eventually one has to let go if the spark ain't there.

 

[RisenPhoenix]

 I am damaged in some ways, but it's not any worse than anyone else. I'm okay. We're okay. Everything is okay.

IAs for something being wrong with you - no one is perfect. And you're absolutely correct: you may be damaged (I prefer 'bits of character,' personally ), but you're no worse for wear than anyone else. You're a good person, who is nice and empathetic and genuinely wants to do the right thing. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that, therefore there is absolutely nothing wrong with you.

 

Beat me to it.

 

We are all broken equally, just in very different ways.  I kinda feel like relationships are more about finding you compliments your broken, rather than straight up fixing it.  But I'm mostly clueless about relationships and stumbled into mine as well.  Sooo... grains of salt should be taken with my thoughts.

[Kishi]

I know this feel. I have a tendency to overanalyze things to the point that I really think it's detrimental and unhealthy. Unlike you, however, I haven't gotten to the point where I can look at it and realize I'm being dumb. I have to have other people tell me that. Sparks happen or they don't; in the end, it's not fair to try to force a spark if there isn't anything there, and if there isn't? There's nothing wrong with that. 

 

As for something being wrong with you - no one is perfect. And you're absolutely correct: you may be damaged (I prefer 'bits of character,' personally ), but you're no worse for wear than anyone else. You're a good person, who is nice and empathetic and genuinely wants to do the right thing. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that, therefore there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. 

 

 

I have complicated feelings about this, but if I have a romantic interest in someone, I tend to agree with you. Being friends first - when I know that I want something more - feels wrong. If it's an issue of we're totally friends with no romantic feelings and then a few months/years down the road, sudden romantic interest, that feels okay. But then, I'm super weird when it comes to romance. I'm kind of glad that I have that whole married thing going for me. 

 

Well,, it's a learned thing. ; For better or for worse, I've learned to see my struggles with my feels as a luxury that I can't afford. I'm really good at keeping it down and buried, but every now and again the hole just isn't deep enough.

 

That... is very kind of you.

 

Yeah, this. If something grows over time, that's one thing. If there's nothing there and you're using friendship to get close with someone because you don't have the guts to own what you want, that's another (wrong) thing entirely.

 

Beat me to it.

 

We are all broken equally, just in very different ways.  I kinda feel like relationships are more about finding you compliments your broken, rather than straight up fixing it.  But I'm mostly clueless about relationships and stumbled into mine as well.  Sooo... grains of salt should be taken with my thoughts.

 

Well, I guess that makes me a wonderfully broken little snowflake, doesn't it?

[The Shogun]

[Kishi]

 

It is totally cool if you hug me.

 

 

*

 

AX: 2/2

 

Pull Up: 2/2

 

Cleaning: 0/1

 

Lent: 2/2

 

Lot of freaking gifs in my thread this time around. I am glad for this. I can see why Cheechoe likes them so much.

 

Today marks day two of the Xero program. Today's workout was very heavily core-based - mountain climbers and plank variations all the way around, and then another spate of ab work to follow because I <3 pain.

 

Sixteen pull ups done across five sets. I've been varying up my grips between narrow, neutral, and wide, and wide is undoubtedly the heaviest. The numbers as they are are getting to the point where I'm thinking about incorporating chins into this just to give the lats a little extra rest. That may just be me wussing out a little, although I prefer to think of it as enhancing my training longevity.

 

I spent today identifying the tiniest box. Tomorrow, it shall be dealt with.

[Kyellan]

Y'know, I went and checked out that Xero program after you mentioned it.

 

 

Hoo-ee. Yeah, I'm nowhere near ready for anything that intense, but I am very impressed that you are. I may have advanced a little past square one, but not quiiiite that far yet.

 

Someday, I will do one pull-up (just one dammit), and then I will celebrate.

[BlackTezca]

Y'know, I went and checked out that Xero program after you mentioned it.

 

 

Hoo-ee. Yeah, I'm nowhere near ready for anything that intense, but I am very impressed that you are. I may have advanced a little past square one, but not quiiiite that far yet.

 

Someday, I will do one pull-up (just one dammit), and then I will celebrate.

 

Okay now I'm curious...*looks it up*

...

 

Okay it's not as scary as Pazuzu Regan but my reaction is similar.  A bit too intense for me at the moment...

[Kishi]

Y'know, I went and checked out that Xero program after you mentioned it.

 

 

Hoo-ee. Yeah, I'm nowhere near ready for anything that intense, but I am very impressed that you are. I may have advanced a little past square one, but not quiiiite that far yet.

 

Someday, I will do one pull-up (just one dammit), and then I will celebrate.

 

It's pretty tough. I wish I could sugarcoat it or make it sound like not such a big deal, but it is what it is. FWIW, some of the stuff I have to modify to make easier too, so I'm not perfect there yet either. ;

 

Okay now I'm curious...*looks it up*

...

 

Okay it's not as scary as Pazuzu Regan but my reaction is similar.  A bit too intense for me at the moment...

 

No, it's a scary program. That is a completely legit reaction to have.

[Kishi]

AX: 3/3

 

Pull Up: 3/3

 

Cleaning: 0/1

 

Lent: 3/3

 

Day 3 of the Xero program. A rest day. I am grateful. But, still did abdominal work. The training philosophy is that the trunk/core can withstand a lot of abuse, and effective training can be done in as little as 3-5 minutes. I decided to compromise - do the weakest moves, but do more of them until my core burns out. Doesn't feel bad so far.

 

Pull ups have hit a bit of a snag. I got them done today but I'm starting to feel some tendonitis in my right arm. That does not a happy Kishi make. Fortunately, it seems to track around a certain amount of reps, so if I keep my reps low I should be okay. Except that that's not going to work all the time either. Greasing the groove is okay for me at this point, but that's because I'm limiting my sets. If I allow more sets, I need more time, and work isn't going to allow me that.

 

It seems to me that the best thing to do is to hold my total reps steady and just let my tendons adjust and catch up. So probably what I'll do is spend the rest of the week at this rep total and just kind of wait and see.

 

Didn't get the cleaning done. Work had a meeting since we've got this crazy audit coming up, so got up in the afternoon and then spent the rest of it in a meeting and fighting with traffic because we're getting snow again and the South just can't even. I still get tomorrow off, though, so, not terribly worried.

[Kyellan]

Didn't get the cleaning done. Work had a meeting since we've got this crazy audit coming up, so got up in the afternoon and then spent the rest of it in a meeting and fighting with traffic because we're getting snow again and the South just can't even.

 

You know, being a New Englander I used to laugh when I watched the South act like the apocalypse had come when a half-inch of snow rained down on them.

 

Then, as I grew a little older (and perhaps wiser), it slowly occurred to me that without the hundreds of thousands of tons of salt and heavy equipment that we have up here to deal with every little flake, any drive at all would be like driving on glass... and I stopped laughing.

[BlackTezca]

You know, being a New Englander I used to laugh when I watched the South act like the apocalypse had come when a half-inch of snow rained down on them.

 

Then, as I grew a little older (and perhaps wiser), it slowly occurred to me that without the hundreds of thousands of tons of salt and heavy equipment that we have up here to deal with every little flake, any drive at all would be like driving on glass... and I stopped laughing.

[Oramac]

You know, being a New Englander I used to laugh when I watched the South act like the apocalypse had come when a half-inch of snow rained down on them.

 

Then, as I grew a little older (and perhaps wiser), it slowly occurred to me that without the hundreds of thousands of tons of salt and heavy equipment that we have up here to deal with every little flake, any drive at all would be like driving on glass... and I stopped laughing.

 

True, though there is still a skill portion involved with driving in snow.  

 

 

Looks like fun!  (it appears the driver did that on purpose)

[BlackTezca]

True, though there is still a skill portion involved with driving in snow.  

 

 

Looks like fun!  (it appears the driver did that on purpose)

Hehe he most likely did.  And yes there is skill with driving in snow, as well as the need for patience.  I despise driving in snow, but I gots to be paid so woe is me.

 

[erosan]

destiny brought me to this thread: tapatalk seems to think I subbed. so I'll sub. there is plenty of awesomeness going on here, so that is the right decision.

[Kishi]

You know, being a New Englander I used to laugh when I watched the South act like the apocalypse had come when a half-inch of snow rained down on them.

 

Then, as I grew a little older (and perhaps wiser), it slowly occurred to me that without the hundreds of thousands of tons of salt and heavy equipment that we have up here to deal with every little flake, any drive at all would be like driving on glass... and I stopped laughing.

True, though there is still a skill portion involved with driving in snow.  

 

 

Looks like fun!  (it appears the driver did that on purpose)

 

Yes, yes, and yes. It's really not as bad as it's been made out to be, but everyone panics and gives the thought more weight than it deserves. It's like, "Okay everyone. Slow down, give yourselves more space, and you'll get to where you want to go. There's no reason to make this worse than it has to be."

 

And thus far, I have to admit, the problem really hasn't been the roads. It's been everyone else.

 

Hehe he most likely did.  And yes there is skill with driving in snow, as well as the need for patience.  I despise driving in snow, but I gots to be paid so woe is me.

 

 

Dude, totally. I get to listen to my roommates bitch and moan about having to go to work in this stuff, and I'm like, "At least you're making above the poverty line. I have to go do this to serve people like you for far less, so harden the fuck up and deal." Sadly, it appears that my sense of compassion only extends to people who are poor like me. ;

 

destiny brought me to this thread: tapatalk seems to think I subbed. so I'll sub. there is plenty of awesomeness going on here, so that is the right decision.

 

I'm always glad for more people to walk with me. Nice of you to stop by!

[karinajean]

Kishi have I ever confessed you are my abs inspiration? (abs-piration?) because you are.