The Trials of Kishi, the Gray Jedi: Gray Knight

[Cheechoe]

 

 

 

Yeah, me too. I've got support coming out of the woodwork for me at the job, people volunteering to get my shift for that day covered. It's good that I can be there. Just sucks that it has to be like this.

 

Thanks. I'm not too worried about slacking off, but it kind of worries me, sometimes. If movement is medicine, then I'm prone to mixing my prescriptions. There's no telling how that can go.

 

*

 

 

Lent was hard today. I finally had a chance to sit with the fact that my friend is dead. And that I'm not okay with how okay I feel. Like, I feel like I owe her more than I'm giving. But I don't know if that's a price I paid already. I mean, I kind of figured she was done when that happened and when I heard the news that the eclampsia had caused enough pressure to affect her brain stem. All the automatic stuff was at risk, and from an outside perspective, given her odds, it seems like this was inevitable. All we were doing - all our prayers, all our hope - felt to me like we were posturing. I think we all knew how this had to end. Either it would have been months or years from now, or it would have happened soon. As it did.

 

Sitting with that, I suddenly became aware of my heartbeat. Not the beat, but the in-between. That place where you take for granted that you have another beat coming. And I found myself contemplating that it wouldn't beat again, that it would just stop, and I thought nonononono beat you bastard come on and it did. And all I could think about was that I needed to eat and drink everything in the apartment, and make out with a girl, and get in a fight, and somehow do this all at the same time. I just wanted to feel something. Anything.

 

I was really, really close. I wish I could say that I prayed in that moment and that God and me got a bit closer, but in the end, that didn't happen. Still, there was a voice in my head telling me to stop and walk away. I think it was me. Maybe it wasn't.

 

But my Lent is kept, and I maintain my discipline. Maybe, as my meditation continues, I can take up prayer as the next step, make this conversation truly go both ways. After all, I'm learning to listen. I should learn to speak like it matters.

 

I love you, Kishi.

 

 

This is one of the most beautiful things I've ever read.

 

<3

[pwallace]

Kishi, You rock, just wanted to let you know that

[Kishi]

I love you, Kishi.

 

 

This is one of the most beautiful things I've ever read.

 

<3

 

Love you too, Cheechoe.

 

Thank you! <3

 

Kishi, You rock, just wanted to let you know that

 

I will take that. Thank you!

[stillskies]

Social eating is always a challenge. Well, if you're not a picky 5 year old like me. Then it's actually easy because there's never anything I'll eat.

 

And I would throw a kettlebell at you, but that would mean I'd have to lift a kettlebell.

[Kishi]

Social eating is always a challenge. Well, if you're not a picky 5 year old like me. Then it's actually easy because there's never anything I'll eat.

 

And I would throw a kettlebell at you, but that would mean I'd have to lift a kettlebell.

 

Well, for me, it's a challenge, because I wanna blend in and be with people and just do what they do. You know?

 

I dare you to chuck it.

 

*

 

AX: 4/4

 

Pull Up: 4/4

 

Cleaning: 1/1

 

Lent: 4/4

 

Another day done. Hard training, on a repeat of a workout that kicked my ass every time I've done it before. This time, I smashed it out of the park. Good stuff; hope I don't get sick.

 

Pull ups are still playing nice. I think I can start adding reps again come next week.

 

Erosan showed me this thing. I think I like it. I'd like to try it, especially since I'm going to be trying to diet down and get lean without sacrificing strength. Maybe work in some sprints or something like that for general athleticism.

 

I dunno. We'll see. Gotta make it to the end of this challenge first.

[BlackTezca]

Well, for me, it's a challenge, because I wanna blend in and be with people and just do what they do. You know?

 

 

Hard training that kicks your ass is awesome training but PLEASE DON'T SICK O.O;.  That might be training kicking your ass a little too much... 

 

Looks like you're still kicking ass, as expected!  And that neat strength program sounds really tough and cool.  Way beyond my level but still a lot of fun in it's own torturous way.  Good luck!

[stillskies]

Well, for me, it's a challenge, because I wanna blend in and be with people and just do what they do. You know?

 

I dare you to chuck it.

 

I totally get that. I have my own issues (food is a serious problem for me on a good day, so) which make it challenging for me to blend in. Unless there's junk food, then goodbye self control. But then, I have a hard time fitting in, regardless, so.

 

.................Now I'm wondering if I could get a video of me throwing a kettlebell because you dared me. Hmmmmm...

[Mistr]

So, uh, today is interesting. Today is my birthday, and I'm turning 29.

 

And I wasn't sure what to think about it. I got the day off, I'm gonna train hard, and then I'm going to take a big ol' cheat day while binging on the Netflix. It's normally a very happy time for me, even if I don't make a big deal out of it to everyone around me. All the same, leading up to today, I wasn't sure if I had the right to be happy.

 

So I will be. I will celebrate today - that I am alive, that I have a 29-year winning streak against the Reaper, and that I got to spend some of that with a pretty cool person.

 

I am happy for you that you got to a place where you could celebrate your birthday. I'm sure that is what your friend would have wanted.

 

Oh, also. Took progress photos today before the foodage. Looks like progress.

 

Yes, nice definition in your abs that was not visible last time. Progress!

 

Almost broke my Lent by accident. Almost. Not quite... just wasn't mindful and almost slipped back to that habit again. Not cool.

 

Habits. Sneaky things those habits. Good for you for catching it and staying with your goal.

 

Took the day to fast after the binge. Feels good not to eat anything. I'll be breaking it with some ground bison in a bit, though.

 

Dietary stuff is going to be interesting come the weekend. There's going to be the funeral, and social eating that comes afterward, and then on Sunday we have a Bread Bash, which means preparing and trying stuff. It'll be fun, and it has the potential to screw my calories/macros something fierce. I don't know if that's going to involve extra food on top of trying things or what exactly's going to happen. Still, given that I'm mentally prepared to roll with it as opposed to checking out and going for fast food, I think I'm probably going to be okay.

 

Guh, and then my folks are gonna be in town to celebrate my birfday on the 14th. ;; It's like, "Guys. Guys. I suddenly managed to get my body fat percentage down again. Can't you just throw a kettlebell at me or something and call it a day?"

 

Oh well. Life.

 

See, you already have things planned out to get through the weekend. You know they will give you all the carbs and sugar. You can pack some veggies and maybe some nuts and be fine for the day. Then fast again on Monday. You have this covered.

 

Well, for me, it's a challenge, because I wanna blend in and be with people and just do what they do. You know?

 

Another day done. Hard training, on a repeat of a workout that kicked my ass every time I've done it before. This time, I smashed it out of the park. Good stuff; hope I don't get sick.

 

Erosan showed me this thing. I think I like it. I'd like to try it, especially since I'm going to be trying to diet down and get lean without sacrificing strength. Maybe work in some sprints or something like that for general athleticism.

 

Hmmm, no. I gave up on trying to blend in and do things other people do a long long time ago. Now I just do things I like and try to find more people who like the same things. That has gotten a lot easier with the internet.

 

Excellent job smashing it out of the park on your hard workout!

 

I like the Neat Routine site. I may try some of that. Thank you for sharing.

[Kishi]

 

Hard training that kicks your ass is awesome training but PLEASE DON'T SICK O.O;.  That might be training kicking your ass a little too much... 

 

Looks like you're still kicking ass, as expected!  And that neat strength program sounds really tough and cool.  Way beyond my level but still a lot of fun in it's own torturous way.  Good luck!

 

YES. I WANNA BE WHERE THE PEOPLE ARE.

 

It might be a little too much, maybe, but I don't know just yet. It's happened before, but only once. Can't say just yet.

 

Actually, the Neat program is supposed to be scalable up and down. So, you know, if it's something you wanna do, you got options.

 

I totally get that. I have my own issues (food is a serious problem for me on a good day, so) which make it challenging for me to blend in. Unless there's junk food, then goodbye self control. But then, I have a hard time fitting in, regardless, so.

 

.................Now I'm wondering if I could get a video of me throwing a kettlebell because you dared me. Hmmmmm...

 

See, it's exactly the opposite for me. I'm a people-pleaser and I'm really good at hiding/disappearing in the background. And I don't deal very often with strength/health folk.

 

Dare you to get a video up.

 

I am happy for you that you got to a place where you could celebrate your birthday. I'm sure that is what your friend would have wanted.

 

 

Yes, nice definition in your abs that was not visible last time. Progress!

 

 

Habits. Sneaky things those habits. Good for you for catching it and staying with your goal.

 

 

See, you already have things planned out to get through the weekend. You know they will give you all the carbs and sugar. You can pack some veggies and maybe some nuts and be fine for the day. Then fast again on Monday. You have this covered.

 

 

Hmmm, no. I gave up on trying to blend in and do things other people do a long long time ago. Now I just do things I like and try to find more people who like the same things. That has gotten a lot easier with the internet.

 

Excellent job smashing it out of the park on your hard workout!

 

I like the Neat Routine site. I may try some of that. Thank you for sharing.

 

I like to think so!

 

Thank you! I thought so.

 

Habits are ninjas. They will stealth murder you away from your goals if you're not careful.

 

I can plan around it. Though, of course, such plans are already meeting resistance - after some tomfoolery on the part of coworkers and such, I'm now going to have to go to work after the funeral, and pull a closing shift on what's habitually a break night. I dunno how this one's gonna play.

 

Yeah, well. I am who I am, for better or for worse. Though I suppose I could just be casting about for an excuse...

 

Thanks! Yeah, that went a lot better than I thought it would. It beat me out at four rounds last time; this time, I beasted all seven rounds.

 

Any time. I've seen this guy's work before and I like it. Also, he's apparently a dude here on NF? Which would be awesome.

[erosan]

And that neat strength program sounds really tough and cool.  Way beyond my level but still a lot of fun in it's own torturous way.  Good luck!

Oh, I can't do all of those things either... but what you do is you use the progressions (on the same site) and you train with those. Also you are supposed to start super easy... I started with negative pullups when I could already do 3 consecutive pullups for example. And the addition of those little stop points is genius! It really makes the exercise a lot harder. I am liking the program so far, and since the creator of said program is a fellow rebel, it helps to know if I have a question about it, I can get feedback. The goal of course is getting to the point where I can perform the pistols, one handed pushups, handstand pushups, etc...

[Kishi]

AX: 5/5

 

Pull Up: 4/5

 

Cleaning: 1/1

 

Lent: 5/5

 

Well, gotta make a quick one tonight. My weekend quickly went from take a day for the funeral to go-to-work after the funeral and then pull what essentially amounts to an eleven hour day on Sunday afterward.

 

Ugh. Stupid. Just stupid. This weekend is gonna suck.

 

Trained hard tonight. Put up better strength numbers, as measured by the amount of reps. Supposing that I rock out the Challenge workout tomorrow, I'll move on to week 3, which I would really like to do.

 

Unfortunately, did not get the chance to do any kind of pull up today. Spent the morning asleep, spent the afternoon and evening at work, and my decompression time was too long afterward. My bad.

 

All right. Gotta get down. 'night, nerds!

[PinkNinja]

Sorry your weekend is going to involve working lots more than you should/anticipated.

Good luck with your challenge workout. You've been really rocking the workouts, so I'm sure you'll do excellent on it.

*hugs*

[Teirin]

Your coworkers, for whom you cover regularly, can't get you the day off AFTER A FUNERAL?  What fuckery is this?  So sorry you're having such a rough time right now. 

 

Sleep and decompression time are critical, especially when you're stressed like this.  Your training is otherwise awesome, don't stress taking the time when you need it.

 

You'll do fine around other assorted foodie events.  Can you get away with smaller portions at the bread tasting things for work?   Definitely second carrying good munchies on you at other things.  No regrets at the Birthday visit with your family :-)  Have a good time.  You need this too.

[BlackTezca]

Oh, I can't do all of those things either... but what you do is you use the progressions (on the same site) and you train with those. Also you are supposed to start super easy... I started with negative pullups when I could already do 3 consecutive pullups for example. And the addition of those little stop points is genius! It really makes the exercise a lot harder. I am liking the program so far, and since the creator of said program is a fellow rebel, it helps to know if I have a question about it, I can get feedback. The goal of course is getting to the point where I can perform the pistols, one handed pushups, handstand pushups, etc...

 

Actually, the Neat program is supposed to be scalable up and down. So, you know, if it's something you wanna do, you got options.

 

Hmmm I'll definitely need to consider this then!  Might be pretty good for me to start doing things on my own without videos just in case .

 

Awww good luck with your weekend Kishi, that sounds pretty tough :/.  Definitely second Teirin's advice about sleeping and decompression!

[Kishi]

All right, I owe you all responses, but I gotta get down tonight for the long day tomorrow. So:

 

AX: 6/6

 

Pull Up: 4.5/6

 

Cleaning: 1/1

 

Lent: 6/6

[Mistr]

Do what you need to for dealing with your long day of work. Don't worry about us. Cheechoe was gone the first week of the challenge and things were fine.

[Kishi]

Sorry your weekend is going to involve working lots more than you should/anticipated.

Good luck with your challenge workout. You've been really rocking the workouts, so I'm sure you'll do excellent on it.

*hugs*

 

Well, the challenge workout went really well. And honestly, looking back at it, I'm kinda glad I went to work. I was kind of distracted, but I was glad I was there. I was able to lose myself in the rhythms of the place.

 

Your coworkers, for whom you cover regularly, can't get you the day off AFTER A FUNERAL?  What fuckery is this?  So sorry you're having such a rough time right now. 

 

Sleep and decompression time are critical, especially when you're stressed like this.  Your training is otherwise awesome, don't stress taking the time when you need it.

 

You'll do fine around other assorted foodie events.  Can you get away with smaller portions at the bread tasting things for work?   Definitely second carrying good munchies on you at other things.  No regrets at the Birthday visit with your family :-)  Have a good time.  You need this too.

 

Well. It was a bit more complicated than that.

 

Originally, the first person I mentioned that I had a funeral to go to (S) told me that she'd do it, flat out. We went to clear it with management. Management (M) didn't want her to do it, because it would push her into overtime and labor cost is a huge thing that they're paranoid about.

 

So, next day, co-worker talks to another manager. Manager (E) says she'll look into it, but the message I get afterward is that S is going to be working the shift anyway.

 

Come Friday, and S calls out sick. She has strep and also she's pregnant, so there's no way she's gonna be able to cover for me. Manager (L) tells me to start talking to people. I figure this is a hard sell, because E clearly talked to everyone and asked them to take up and she couldn't find anyone, right? So, I start talking, and within seconds, three people line up to help me. Which suggests to me that E hasn't talked to anyone, or at the very least did a poor job explaining what was at stake.

 

First co-worker volunteers to cover the first five hours of my shift, but that would have meant her working 0730-2000, and I wasn't going to force her to do that. Second co-worker volunteers, but management vetoes because that puts her in OT. Third co-worker volunteers to trade shift, so I work a closing shift for her early shift.

 

Which is great. Until E tells me later that the closing shift I'm taking for this third co-worker is the same day as the funeral. At that point, I'm just sick of it, and I have a gnawing suspicion that I need the hours. Which, was confirmed. I had a little more than a quarter of my work in that day, and it would have been a huge hit on me if I'd let it go. I had to do it. I used up the money I'd saved from the coaching I've been doing to make rent, so there's nothing to fall back on, no room. No margin for error.

 

tl;dr, labor was willing, but management was weak.

 

I was able to get away with smaller samples and such. So, that's a win.

 

Awww good luck with your weekend Kishi, that sounds pretty tough :/.  Definitely second Teirin's advice about sleeping and decompression!

 

Yeah. Yeah... it was pretty rough. It's done, though.

 

Do what you need to for dealing with your long day of work. Don't worry about us. Cheechoe was gone the first week of the challenge and things were fine.

 

I suppose we did at that. Good point.

 

*

 

AX: 7/7

 

Pull Up: 4.5/7

 

Cleaning: 1/1

 

Lent: 7/7

 

Welp, knocked training out of the park on Saturday. It was a lactic acid challenge - static hold for a minute, then move using the muscles you just held with. Managed 120 reps over three circuits with way less rest. Which was way more than I ever did before. I've earned the third week.

 

Pull ups have been suffering a bit. The tendonitis is dealt with, I just haven't had any time and when I have, I prioritized sleep. I feel like it's justified: strength is grown as a result of stimulus and rest, and they have to be balanced properly. I think it was worth it, and I'll be upping reps again come tomorrow. I have a .5 on my score on account of having busted out a set of chins to failure just so I could say I did something. Failed at 7, by the way, which was fun.

 

Cleaning is done for the week. It's not terribly impressive, small boxes and all, but it's happening and I can say that.

 

Lent is kept. It's interesting, my life without this thing. It feels fuller in some ways, but at the same time a lot of what I took for granted about myself is shifting in response. It's exciting. Distracting. Good, all around. Interesting at times.

 

Anyway, week 2 tally for those keeping score at home:

 

AX: 14/14

 

Pull Up: 10.5/14

 

Cleaning: 2/2

 

Lent: 14/14

 

As to the funeral...

 

well, I went. A hundred people showed up, including old customers whom she'd favored. I was quiet and solemn, because I knew there was no benefit to my friend. She's dead, and either she's rocking out in Heaven or she's obliterated; either way, she's in no position to be affected by any show of my grief. And yet, when her husband got up there, I just.

 

He couldn't get through his words. He wept, and out of nowhere I wept with him.

 

I ate a lot there. Enough to blow through any chance of keeping anything like my macros. And I was frustrated that I had to go to work, so I just kept eating. I spent today fasting, and even now I haven't broken it beyond the samples I was required to take for the Bread Bash today; I won't be breaking again until tomorrow.

 

Phew. This was a hard couple days. I'm glad they're done. But I've seen grace poured out in this. I think that my friend is suffering. But I do not think he suffers alone, and I think even this will be redeemed.

 

And the road goes ever on...

[karinajean]

old school text-based hugs for you kishi: (((KISHI)))

 

I find that sometimes the best good to come from a tragedy like this is the grace made obvious. in corners, in people you didn't expect it from. you often see the very best of people in times like this.

[Teirin]

Glad he's surrounded by so many good friends to help.  He needs you all.  That would be empathy, a good thing to have :-)

 

Ah, fair enough for your coworkers then.  The fuckery is on the management side.  It sucks that you needed the money that badly to have to go. 

 

Congrats on the challenge victory!  There's certain satisfaction to destroying a previous limit.  That indicates that the sleep is paying off as well as the training.  Hope week 3 of the program is just as much fun.  Lack of tendonitis is also a great thing.

[Kishi]

old school text-based hugs for you kishi: (((KISHI)))

 

I find that sometimes the best good to come from a tragedy like this is the grace made obvious. in corners, in people you didn't expect it from. you often see the very best of people in times like this.

 

Thanks! I need it.

 

Yeah, that's what I've observed. I suppose we'll see what happens as time goes by, but I'd like to think that's what's going on.

 

Glad he's surrounded by so many good friends to help.  He needs you all.  That would be empathy, a good thing to have :-)

 

Ah, fair enough for your coworkers then.  The fuckery is on the management side.  It sucks that you needed the money that badly to have to go. 

 

Congrats on the challenge victory!  There's certain satisfaction to destroying a previous limit.  That indicates that the sleep is paying off as well as the training.  Hope week 3 of the program is just as much fun.  Lack of tendonitis is also a great thing.

 

Yeah, that's exactly what it was. I felt as he felt, I was sad because he was sad. I expressed as he expressed.

 

Agreed. This job would be doable if it wasn't for our overriding management concerns. Our managers are good people, but they have shitty corporate policy to work under. And yeah, I did get some raises from work, but all that means is that they cut my hours to make up for it. My problems are not solved.

 

Sleep, training, and also the timing of my coffee relative thereto.

[Kishi]

All right, gotta get down for the night. But first:

 

AX: 1/1

 

Pull Up: 1/1

 

Cleaning: 0/1

 

Lent: 1/1

 

So far so good. Strength training today was horrible, in a good way. We've added a third move to the dropset for strength work, and we've changed up the moves as well. I'm grateful, actually - it was starting to get a little dull, fighting through the same workouts over and over when I knew there was something else to do.

 

Pull ups were okay. Tendon's talking to me, but it's not hurting yet, so I think I can squeeze out another. We'll see and play it by ear. It probably wouldn't be so bad if I was actually approaching pull up work as part of a comprehensive training program, but doing more and more and more like this is definitely a different animal to contend with.

 

Lent is kept. Got tomorrow and Wednesday off, so I can focus on cleaning stuff up. Think I'll try to visit my widower friend tomorrow if I can. That might prove dicey - got my hours cut down pretty bad for the upcoming workweek. I think it'll balance with the amount I got done this past week, but I just don't know. So, since I need to keep gas in my car, I may not be able to afford both that and groceries and such.

 

Working poor. Gotta love it.

[Kishi]

AX: 2/2

 

Pull Up: 2/2

 

Cleaning: 0/1

 

Lent: 2/2

 

Another day done.

 

Athlean Xero was 'the Lockbox' today - basically doing traveling moves to make a box shape, and then doing conditioning moves at each corner of the box. Had to go outside for this one, but since the weather's gone inexplicably nice, I am okay with this.

 

Currently sitting at 19 pull ups. All clear here so far. Pain seems to be receding.

 

Dunno how it's gonna work tomorrow, given that the day off I thought I had was taken from me without anyone telling me. A coworker texted me to go ahead and cover for her since she's sick. I said okay, because I needed the hours. So, she calls the store, and then she gets back to me and says that I agreed to cover for someone else... which is news to me, given that the girl in question who said I'd said so hadn't said a word to me about it. Like, I had no idea that I had anything going on on Wednesday, and the only reason I know about it is because I offered to sub for someone else.

 

Guys, that does not a happy Kishi make. I really wanna believe it was a mistake or a miscommunication or something. It doesn't make any sense that she'd lie to get me to cover. I have a reputation as a guy who covers. She just had to ask and I'd have said yes. But try telling that to my paranoid streak...

 

Anyway, might end up losing out on some pull up opportunities tomorrow, between work and going to visit the widower. Yeah, that got pushed back a bit on account of me doing chores around the apartment. He was cool with it, though.

 

Also, might have some freelance work with a local attorney, doing some social media stuffs for her. We're currently trying to figure out a time to meet. Should be exciting.

 

So, looks like I have a bedtime tonight. So, night!

[Teirin]

Hanlon's Razor may sort of apply?  She may have been so secure in the knowledge that you would cover her shift that she neglected to actually *ask* you to do so. 

 

Great news on the freelance work!  Hope the extra shift helps too.

 

Extra win on the cool workout and lack of tendonitis.  How do you balance continuing to work out and not straining it further?  Just easing off or lots of aftercare?  You're not really much for the whole easing off concept.

 

Have a good visit tonight :-)

[BlackTezca]

Eck.  I hate miscommunication like that.  I rather things be pretty blunt and clear as well.   But At least you get the extra hours you needed and ooo freelance!  Good luck and congrats!

[Mistr]

I'm glad that the exercise program is giving you enough variety and keeping you challenged. Hope your elbow stays okay with it.

 

That's frustrating that your coworker did not communicate clearly with you. It would have put you in a bad spot if you hadn't found out about it. Nice that you got some extra hours, but that's not the way to make it happen.

 

I hope the freelance work comes through for you.