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Stealthstitcher Reclaims Lost Ground


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February 15, 2014

The battle has raged for many weeks, but today - at last, today - I believe i can say with confidence that the enemy is defeated, we hold the fortress, and victory is ours! 

 

February 20, 2014

I do not understand. We are plagued by saboteurs. How can this be? We opened the gates with caution, we were at full strength and alert. How has the enemy slipped in among us?

 

February 22, 2014

A terrible fear assails me. There has been no enemy invasion. The truth stared me in the face all along. The saboteur ... is me. This is not what I wanted! Why then, have I been deliberately destroying our defenses? How could I have done such a thing? Is this madness? Some evil sorcery? Or have my own dark desires proved my undoing?

 

Translation:

I conquered Whole30 during the last challenge. I did a slow and steady reintroduction and discovered some problem foods that I should probably avoid. I lost weight (under 200 for the first time in 3 years!) even though, as I explained over and over and over to incredulous family and friends and most of all coworkers, that wasn't the point of Whole30. And then ... the minute I didn't have "rules" ... I fell completely apart. I even knew that would be a danger! 

To be rational - a single week of less healthy eating is not the end of the world. My diet is still much better than it used to be - I may have had pizza, chocolate, pancakes, brownies ... etc. ... this week but I didn't binge eat anything. My serving sizes were all pretty reasonable. I still had vegetables with almost every meal. And it took years of trying and trying and trying to quit my soda pop habit; building healthy eating habits is going to be a long-term process too. 

I'm still annoyed with myself. I proved I could do it. I proved I didn't need the junk food to have satisfying meals. I proved sugar didn't control me. I learned that eating wheat makes me feel awful. And then I went right back to it. Argh. Today I ate the leftover pancakes and pizza for breakfast and lunch, in order to "not waste" them and to "get them out of the house" so I could "start fresh on Monday". What is with that thinking?! Eating something that gives you a headache and stomach ache when there's no need to is wasteful! 

 

So ... I also learned last challenge that right now, I need very simple goals. And not too many of them. 

 

GOAL 1

No sugar, No wheat. 

That's all. Those are some pretty simple rules, and I know I can do it because I did it before. Since life is life, I'm aiming for 95% compliance with my two simple rules. 

 

GOAL 2

Yoga every single day. 

I still don't know where I'm going on my fitness journey, but I do have my three starter goals - run 5k, do 10 real push-ups, touch my toes. I can't work on all of these at once (see "very simple goals" above). I dropped all exercise about 3 weeks ago, and wasn't doing too well before that. I will certainly try to do better all round but I'm heading into the Big Musical - my very busiest time of year. I'll be working days, nights, weekends ... so an ambitious workout schedule would be doomed to failure. Instead, yoga every day. I will aim for 20 - 30 minutes, but if I do one pose for 2 minutes, it counts. There are going to be days when I'll be struggling to get even that in. (School matinee before opening night ... why oh why oh why ...) 

 

LIFE QUEST

Learn to Journal

I feel pretty directionless in most areas, like I'm wandering around in an unfamiliar forest. Am I going in circles? Going in one direction but heading nowhere? Getting somewhere, just slowly? Completely lost? In the wrong forest altogether? Journaling seems to help some people, so I'll give it a try. However, when I've tried journaling in the past, it ends up more like, "Went to work today. Felt tired. People are idiots. Had chicken for supper." Which is not that helpful. It seems journaling, like so many things, is a learned skill that I haven't learned. If anybody has any nifty journaling resources they'd like to share, that would be swell

Stealthstitcher

 

"You see, what you've got to consider is: are you going to be the hero of this 'ere adventure, or ain't you? You can't 'ave it both ways."

              - E. Nesbit, The Magic City

 

Challenges:  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15

 

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Well, day one was less than successful. I succumbed to my extremely bad mood and the fact that I was at work from 9 am to 10 pm. I made a cup of hot cocoa when I got home (thereby consuming sugar) and didn't do a single stretch before crawling into bed. Needless to say, there was no journaling either.

Sigh.

Shake it off.

Maybe it's just that it's February, and cold, and winter is far from over - but I really hate this feeling of limping along, barely accomplishing anything and being in a rotten mood 70% of the time.

Stealthstitcher

 

"You see, what you've got to consider is: are you going to be the hero of this 'ere adventure, or ain't you? You can't 'ave it both ways."

              - E. Nesbit, The Magic City

 

Challenges:  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15

 

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Goodness I hope that works right!

 

post-35180-0-69472500-1424791390_thumb.j

 

That's about how I feel about this stupid February! Why does it seem like this month has just been dragging with its bitter cold temperatures? Even the sun seems to be mocking us as it shines while the wind chill drops the temperature below zero.

 

I'm interested to follow your challenge and how the journaling turns out!

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Yesterday was an Eat All The Things day ... I had my lunch and my afternoon snack for lunch and still wanted more. All afternoon I couldn't stop daydreaming about cheeseburgers (You know how, when you have a craving you can't fulfill, the daydreams get more and more elaborate? By my 3 pm meeting I had this ridiculous Dagwood cheeseburger in my head ...)

 

Speaking of meetings at 3 in the afternoon ... they should not happen. 3 is a terrible time for anything but taking a nap, especially on a cold, gray day. And someone thoughtfully provided a big bowl of assorted chocolate candy. Meeting coupled with hunger/cravings plus readily available candy means I once again failed to keep my old arch-nemesis sugar at bay. I did this for a solid month, I can surely do it again, right? Maybe I should bring a mug of hot tea to every meeting, so I'll have something to hold in my hands and sip - just in case.

 

I did accomplish five minutes of yoga ... well, basically I lay there in child's pose for five minutes because it seems to relax my lower back and shoulders better than anything else and they needed it. But I'm counting it.

 

I also did some research on journaling. Most was somewhat unhelpful, but the Art of Manliness (I'm not trying to be particularly manly here, but their stuff doesn't only apply to guys) had a pretty good article. I dug out a blank journal and a pen and put them by my bed. And that's as far as I've gone on journaling.

Stealthstitcher

 

"You see, what you've got to consider is: are you going to be the hero of this 'ere adventure, or ain't you? You can't 'ave it both ways."

              - E. Nesbit, The Magic City

 

Challenges:  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15

 

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Hi!  That transition out of your "diet" sounds like it went pretty rough.  And the "not wasting" sounds familiar to people who don't realize that food poisoning is more wasteful than throwing out forgotten food, but you learned that.

 

Winter is a tough time.  You might need extra calories, or at least a dose of fish oil or something else.  Hot tea for meetings is good.  Five minutes of child's pose is also good unless you had realistic ambitions to go further than that during this challenge.

I have conditions that affect my social awareness.  If I am rude, tell me what I could do better.

5'8" & 220 260 pounds | Miles Walked: X

2019: | 1 | 2 | 3 |

Pre 2017: | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | * | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 |

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We just were talking about eating food as to not waste it in a Parenting thread!

 

It's interesting to me because I've never thought of throwing food away as "wasting" it. In my house, we've put ourselves on a pretty strict monthly budget, so I've used that to work on portion size and only making enough for right now (my family doesn't usually do leftovers).

 

I know you said no sugar, but what about fruit? Yeah, there is still sugar, but it's better than candy. Can you have something "sweet" on hand to counteract those sugar cravings?

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And the "not wasting" sounds familiar to people who don't realize that food poisoning is more wasteful than throwing out forgotten food, but you learned that.

The trouble with me is I know so many things with my head ... I just don't do them.

 

 

It's interesting to me because I've never thought of throwing food away as "wasting" it. In my house, we've put ourselves on a pretty strict monthly budget, so I've used that to work on portion size and only making enough for right now (my family doesn't usually do leftovers).

My grandma used to eat food that had actually gone bad, and put up with the resultant sickness, so as to not waste food. We'd tell her, "Gram, it's not the depression - there is more food. You don't have to eat the spoiled bologna." I think I just use "not wasting food" as an excuse to eat things I want to but shouldn't.

 

I try to make just enough for one meal, or at most two, but it's difficult when you're cooking for one person. And soup ... have you ever tried making a little soup? Can't be done. Even if you only put in a tiny amount of each ingredient, you will end up with a giant vat of soup. It's probably some law of physics, or magic, or something. Some soups do okay in the freezer but some ... do not.

 

 

I know you said no sugar, but what about fruit? Yeah, there is still sugar, but it's better than candy. Can you have something "sweet" on hand to counteract those sugar cravings?

I definitely eat fruit! Berries are the best, because they are a bit lower in sugar than some fruits and since they are small and you eat multiple ones, it gives me the same feeling as popping multiple candies in my mouth. Sadly, they are also really expensive compared to apples, oranges, and bananas, especially in the winter. For some reason, I feel strange bringing my own snack to a meeting ... like, it's perfectly normal to eat candy or cookies someone else brings in, or to carry around a hot beverage, but bringing a container of apple slices? Weird.

Stealthstitcher

 

"You see, what you've got to consider is: are you going to be the hero of this 'ere adventure, or ain't you? You can't 'ave it both ways."

              - E. Nesbit, The Magic City

 

Challenges:  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15

 

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Wednesday ... what a day. So many people in my space all day.

Did a little better in some areas - didn't eat any candy (possibly because I was in my office/shop all day and didn't have access to it) and did about ten minutes of yoga. Maybe I can add five minutes each day.

I also journaled - it was surprisingly cathartic about some irritations at work.

Stealthstitcher

 

"You see, what you've got to consider is: are you going to be the hero of this 'ere adventure, or ain't you? You can't 'ave it both ways."

              - E. Nesbit, The Magic City

 

Challenges:  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15

 

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I try to make just enough for one meal, or at most two, but it's difficult when you're cooking for one person. And soup ... have you ever tried making a little soup? Can't be done. Even if you only put in a tiny amount of each ingredient, you will end up with a giant vat of soup. It's probably some law of physics, or magic, or something. Some soups do okay in the freezer but some ... do not.

 

So I have a family of six and I'm Italian, which means that I only know how to cook for crowds. I can't image trying to cook for one. And I feel you on soup. Even when I make soup, we usually end up with a ton of leftovers (and I only use one chicken - I swear!). 

 

Yeah on having improvements yesterday! Even small ones are still improvements.

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And then, I un-improved.

After having a cheeseburger craving for three days straight, I decided to give in. Not really that big a deal, except for the wheat flour bun. (Yes, I know, you can order a burger with no bun but isn't that basically just a sad little meatloaf?) I think what is probably really going on is that I went back to my 66% vegetarian diet (for financial reasons; meat is expensive) and after doing whole 30 (MEEEEEEAT! and vegetables) my body is missing the protein and fat from animal sources. I didn't have eggs very much this week either. Breakfasts of oatmeal and lunches of bean soup are maybe just not getting me what I need nutritionally right now. Or, I'm totally overthinking it and just wanted a cheeseburger. Or both.

Didn't do any yoga because I honestly completely and totally forgot. I did take my faithful hound Jax the Wonder Dog (yes, that's his name, but you can call him Jax) out for our first walk in quite a while. He'd be happy to go out in the -15 degree weather, but I draw the line at anything under 10 degrees for both our sakes. His fur is not that thick and my winter gear is not that good. But it got up to 20, so I bundled up like a coat blob and made him the world's most excited dog.

Journaled a few lines ... mostly wondering why exactly I live someplace that has winter.

Stealthstitcher

 

"You see, what you've got to consider is: are you going to be the hero of this 'ere adventure, or ain't you? You can't 'ave it both ways."

              - E. Nesbit, The Magic City

 

Challenges:  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15

 

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Friday, Saturday and Sunday - all busy in their own ways. Accomplished journaling all three days, yoga on Friday and Sunday, and no sugar or wheat Friday and Sunday. Saturday I did not utilize any of my strength or willpower and did something I haven't done in a long time - sugar binge. It wasn't nearly as bad as some I have had in the past. But still. How can I have the energy to clear the snow off my car, drive to a crowded store, fight my way back to the cookie aisle, and wait in line to buy them - but don't have the energy to just tell myself NO. Ate over half the package of cookies on my way home and then suddenly woke up to the realization that this was a terrible idea and that I felt rather sick. And I had so many opportunities to stop myself along the way! I could have decided cleaning off the car wasn't worth it. Could have driven another few blocks to the used bookstore and picked up some secondhand books for the price of a package of cookies. Could have decided to get some fresh berries for a treat instead. I know many people eat due to stress or emotions - I do that, too - but I think most of the time it stems from a childish belligerence. I don't want to be healthy and I won't and I can't make me! So there! Definitely need to come up with some strategies for taming the spoiled child within.

Stealthstitcher

 

"You see, what you've got to consider is: are you going to be the hero of this 'ere adventure, or ain't you? You can't 'ave it both ways."

              - E. Nesbit, The Magic City

 

Challenges:  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15

 

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Energy to do, energy to resist, they are different.  You have great energy to do, which is good, but resistance energy is probably weak.

 

Other than trying to cultivate a mental illness by replacing sugar with yarn in your pleasure center....

I have conditions that affect my social awareness.  If I am rude, tell me what I could do better.

5'8" & 220 260 pounds | Miles Walked: X

2019: | 1 | 2 | 3 |

Pre 2017: | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | * | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 |

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Other than trying to cultivate a mental illness by replacing sugar with yarn in your pleasure center....

b1c03223ec75d410c0b2cdf8c365ed55.jpg

My problem is, I want the nice yarn, not the cheap yarn. But they want many dollars for the nice yarn ...

Stealthstitcher

 

"You see, what you've got to consider is: are you going to be the hero of this 'ere adventure, or ain't you? You can't 'ave it both ways."

              - E. Nesbit, The Magic City

 

Challenges:  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15

 

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Monday was not bad. Hit reset on my attitude, and there was sunshine so my energy level went up about 6000%. Did 20 minutes of yoga in the morning, didn't eat any sugar or wheat (aside from the sugar naturally occurring in fruit, let's not get ridiculous here). Took Jax the Wonder Dog out for a nice long walk in the sun until it, sadly, set.

Then today hit. It's gray and murky outside. I overslept this morning, got nothing done before work, feel tired and draggy and very, very crabby. Probably doesn't help that I'm going to spend today on everyone's favorite task - redoing other people's work that should have been done correctly in the first place ... but wasn't. So much seam ripping. So much.

Stealthstitcher

 

"You see, what you've got to consider is: are you going to be the hero of this 'ere adventure, or ain't you? You can't 'ave it both ways."

              - E. Nesbit, The Magic City

 

Challenges:  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15

 

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Ouch on wanting the nice yarn.  The closeout store had nice stuff for 25% of the original price and it was still too rich.

 

Double ouch on seam-ripping.  Do you have anyone that you can trust with picking out threads?

 

Here's a funny comic, but the next day's one has naughty language.  ://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=2903

I have conditions that affect my social awareness.  If I am rude, tell me what I could do better.

5'8" & 220 260 pounds | Miles Walked: X

2019: | 1 | 2 | 3 |

Pre 2017: | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | * | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 |

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Ouch on wanting the nice yarn.  The closeout store had nice stuff for 25% of the original price and it was still too rich.

 

Sometimes I go to the "gourmet" yarn shop and sneakily finger the fancy yarns. Hello, ombre-dyed silk alpaca blend ... I can't take you home but I can stroke your soft fibers for a moment ... 

Ahem.

 

 

Double ouch on seam-ripping.  Do you have anyone that you can trust with picking out threads?

Alas, all my student workers are off on break. (Actually, I'm pretty thrilled to have the costume shop all to myself for a week. I wonder if college students know that the staff are just as excited for them to go on break as they are?)

  • Like 1

Stealthstitcher

 

"You see, what you've got to consider is: are you going to be the hero of this 'ere adventure, or ain't you? You can't 'ave it both ways."

              - E. Nesbit, The Magic City

 

Challenges:  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15

 

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Tuesday was begrudgingly conquered - I did maybe five minutes of yoga and kept to my self-imposed dietary restrictions.

Wednesday I randomly decided to weigh myself (far from being tied to the scale, I usually forget I have one, and might weigh myself every couple months if I think of it) and found that I've lost 20 pounds since the start of January, when I began whole 30. That was pretty encouraging. I mean, I lost most of it while doing whole 30 but even though I've had a few definitely unhealthy eating days, I still seem to be doing okay overall.

Also just barely made my goals Wednesday.

My mom is paying me a visit, which is great, but also a tiny bit stressful. She's so confused and anxious about what I "can't eat" and that I'm missing all these vital nutrients, and is just a bit worried that I'm going to become this health-obsessed gym nut who eats nothing but kale and looks like She-Hulk.(Which, I mean ... there are worse things.) I've tried explaining that:

A. nobody is going to bulk up on a diet of nothing but kale

B. eating nothing but kale wouldn't be healthy anyway

C. nobody is going to turn into She-Hulk from eating a healthier diet and doing some walking and yoga, which is all I'm doing at the moment

D. even if I do someday become slim, muscular, and very healthy, I am unlikely to suddenly lose interest in all the things we have in common and decide I'd rather watch sports than Firefly and read the latest popular best selling book about something depressing and realistic than Jasper Fforde novels. Not gonna happen.

Stealthstitcher

 

"You see, what you've got to consider is: are you going to be the hero of this 'ere adventure, or ain't you? You can't 'ave it both ways."

              - E. Nesbit, The Magic City

 

Challenges:  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15

 

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Thursday, not my best day. I find it hard to focus on things when I have company. And my mom's constant anxiety makes me keyed up as well - I'm not anxious about the same things, it just makes me feel nervous because she's so anxious. I ended up snacking a lot - popcorn and dried fruit, not so bad. I just want to break my habit of eating when nervous, stressed, or upset.

Also failed to do any yoga. I find it really hard to do any kind of exercise when I'm around people. I mean, I don't think going to a gym where everyone else is also there to exercise would bother me much. But doing yoga, or strength training, or an aerobics video or whatever while people sit on the couch and watch you is ... weird. But in my tiny house, the only place with enough floor space is the living room. And getting mom to do yoga with me would be long, uphill battle.

Stealthstitcher

 

"You see, what you've got to consider is: are you going to be the hero of this 'ere adventure, or ain't you? You can't 'ave it both ways."

              - E. Nesbit, The Magic City

 

Challenges:  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15

 

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Thursday, not my best day. I find it hard to focus on things when I have company. And my mom's constant anxiety makes me keyed up as well - I'm not anxious about the same things, it just makes me feel nervous because she's so anxious. I ended up snacking a lot - popcorn and dried fruit, not so bad. I just want to break my habit of eating when nervous, stressed, or upset.

Also failed to do any yoga. I find it really hard to do any kind of exercise when I'm around people. I mean, I don't think going to a gym where everyone else is also there to exercise would bother me much. But doing yoga, or strength training, or an aerobics video or whatever while people sit on the couch and watch you is ... weird. But in my tiny house, the only place with enough floor space is the living room. And getting mom to do yoga with me would be long, uphill battle.

 

Well, mom visiting is permission enough to break from your routine a bit.  Totally get you on the anxiety thing about working out in front of non-fit types. 

I have conditions that affect my social awareness.  If I am rude, tell me what I could do better.

5'8" & 220 260 pounds | Miles Walked: X

2019: | 1 | 2 | 3 |

Pre 2017: | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | * | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 |

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So much busy. Argh.

q2q-26.png?w=940

(Q2Q comics ... probably doesn't make much sense to non-theatre types, but a work of genius to the rest of us.)

Two weeks to first dress and so much left to do. So I probably won't be posting much on here. Or indeed anywhere. I should be sewing costumes RIGHT NOW. And puppets. Why puppets? Why, why, why? Puppets are PROPS. They are not costumes. So why am I making them? Oh yes, I'm the only one who can sew ... 

But anyway. Saturday was a sugar day cause mom made waffles (gluten free for this "strange diet" I'm on ... sigh ...) and so ... yeah. But aside from that, I'm at least minimally accomplishing my goals. Got in a good yoga workout this morning because I somehow magically woke up at 6 and felt awake and ready to get up. Don't know how that happened, but I'll take it. (And since it's daylight saving time, didn't I technically wake up at what my body should have thought was 5? Weird.)

Stealthstitcher

 

"You see, what you've got to consider is: are you going to be the hero of this 'ere adventure, or ain't you? You can't 'ave it both ways."

              - E. Nesbit, The Magic City

 

Challenges:  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15

 

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Such a week of busyness and poor choices ... oh dear. Sigh.

I have had several good yoga sessions, so that's good.

Food choices ... basically abysmal. My poor choices make me feel bad (physically, not just guilt) but convenience foods are so convenient. And I get really tired of eating the cheap healthy options. Yes, I'm whining a bit here. But rice, beans, greens, and apples ... so tired of them all. I just want some meat!

Stealthstitcher

 

"You see, what you've got to consider is: are you going to be the hero of this 'ere adventure, or ain't you? You can't 'ave it both ways."

              - E. Nesbit, The Magic City

 

Challenges:  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15

 

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To sum up:

Rough week, for many reasons. I, a person who hates being constantly busy, have chosen to work in an industry where ten of twelves are a thing and lunch breaks are for wusses. I could have been an accountant, but nooooo ... (although I understand many accountants work pretty nearly around the clock at tax time, so there's that)

 

Food-wise, I ate whatever I darn well pleased. Basically I said, "I'm sick of eating cheap healthy stuff, I'm going to buy cheap junk food!" and I did. Naturally, I now have a sense of guilt and failure combined with a truculent, I don't care, it doesn't matter, attitude.

 

Yoga - this week I had one of my, "I'm going to get up early and accomplish stuff! All the other grown-ups manage to get up on time even if they're tired, I will too!" moods. So for three days, I got up at 6:15, walked the dog, did a half hour of yoga, cooked a nutritional breakfast, prepped lunch, washed all the dishes up before leaving the house.

Then Thursday happened. I turned off my alarm in my sleep, woke up 20 minutes before I needed to be at work, and decided I didn't care about anything in all of life ever. Had chocolate chip cookies from the vending machine for breakfast, got as much junk food as I could afford from the grocery store after work ... and that was pretty much the tone of the week from there on out. I'm not totally sure what brought this on, but it seems to be my version of the crazy drinking binges some people go on. Only in my case, I go with chips, frozen pizza, and cookies. Slightly better than going crazy with alcohol? Maybe? Probably not, calorie-wise. 

 

A friend just told me about her decision to train for a half-marathon. She's someone who's always avoided any athletic endeavor, but she finally decided she's sick of not being in shape. So she set her sights on two half marathons - one in six months and the other in a year. She's got a really solid training plan that she's been sticking to for over a month now. She has a support system and some people to train with, new running shoes, and goals. While I'm really happy for her, I feel ... slightly annoyed. Why can't I seem to find some goal I care about to work towards? I tell myself, "So just pick something! Pick a half marathon, too. Or a sprint triathlon. Or a weight you want to lift. A rock you want to climb. Beating the world's record for length of time spent standing on one leg. Freaking PICK A THING." And then I always respond to myself, "Well, yeah, but ... do I really want to do that? Doesn't sound that interesting. What's the point, anyway?" How do you choose a goal when you can't seem to care? Do you just pick something and DECIDE that you now care about it?

 

Journaling - also a no this week. Definitely not a week where stuff got accomplished outside work.

Stealthstitcher

 

"You see, what you've got to consider is: are you going to be the hero of this 'ere adventure, or ain't you? You can't 'ave it both ways."

              - E. Nesbit, The Magic City

 

Challenges:  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15

 

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 and decided I didn't care about anything in all of life ever

 

While I'm really happy for her, I feel ... slightly annoyed. Why can't I seem to find some goal I care about to work towards? I tell myself, "So just pick something! Pick a half marathon, too. Or a sprint triathlon. Or a weight you want to lift. A rock you want to climb. Beating the world's record for length of time spent standing on one leg. Freaking PICK A THING." And then I always respond to myself, "Well, yeah, but ... do I really want to do that? Doesn't sound that interesting. What's the point, anyway?" How do you choose a goal when you can't seem to care? Do you just pick something and DECIDE that you now care about it?

 

That first part made me laugh too much. Plenty of those days, my friend.

 

For the second part; it's a matter of what creates a passion for you.  For me it was using a sledgehammer.  I felt like a badass RPG character or Thor. That's my "gateway" exercise.  I sucked at it, but it was awesome so I wanted to get better at it.  (I have sledgehammers, tractor tire, homemade kettelbells, and homemade sandbags now.)

 

I didn't come on NF and say, "I'm going to to a Spartan race!" and then gun for it.  I thought I couldn't even come close to doing that. For a year, it was 'I wanna be a sledgehammer badass'.  Once I lost 60+ pounds, THEN I found out about Spartan Races and decided that I'll probably fail; but I'm going to do my best. I failed 3/4s through after a 4 hour grueling trek- paired with no sleep for 2 days prior and being too sick to my stomach to eat dinner the night before. I had a f#@king hard boiled egg and a fruit granola bar before the spartan.

 

For me, it wasn't winning that mattered. It was FAILING that motivated me to be even better- with all the family from NF behind me. When I did the next spartan race 3 months later, people joined me, cheered me on, and some raced with me.  That meant the world to me and I got a medal in only 2 hours.

 

I guess what I'm trying to say it- everyone's passion is different. It's not forced; it's something that just kind of happens.  So find that and f#cking run with it- whatever it may be.  It could be wanting to look better nude, or to get cholesterol under control, to complete an athletic milestone, for friends and family, for redemption, or just to want to be a badass.  Don't stop looking, ever.  (And if you have any questions about the homegym/sledgehammer/spartans, feel free to send me a PM.)

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Deep, relieved sigh.

My busiest time of the year is over. I can now stop carving shower time out of sleep time and take lunch breaks that involve not standing and eating a cup of yogurt with one hand while I try to get a little more done with my other hand. I'm going to call this challenge a loss, because I didn't and won't be able to complete any of my goals as set. Instead, I'll focus on getting back to a normal schedule this week.

 

For the future ... I think I'm going to focus on bike commuting. I have to admit, it's not something I particularly enjoy. I spent a year carless and never got to the point where I liked biking. But it's a highly practical goal, and I like practical. Also, since I was bike commuting from necessity I never actually trained to get better at it - I never went a block further than I had to and definitely wasn't doing any strength training or anything. So even though I was biking every day, it never got much easier. Maybe if I make a real effort at it, I can figure out what it is about biking that people seem to enjoy so much.

Stealthstitcher

 

"You see, what you've got to consider is: are you going to be the hero of this 'ere adventure, or ain't you? You can't 'ave it both ways."

              - E. Nesbit, The Magic City

 

Challenges:  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15

 

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For enjoying biking, maybe find a rail-to-trail with good long stretches.  They're level, relaxing if you can avoid crossing roads, and safe to daydream on.

 

Your challenge wasn't a failure, it was overambitious for what life dealt you.

I have conditions that affect my social awareness.  If I am rude, tell me what I could do better.

5'8" & 220 260 pounds | Miles Walked: X

2019: | 1 | 2 | 3 |

Pre 2017: | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | * | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 |

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