Tundralily: Shining in the darkness

[tundralily]

Last time on the Rebellion...

You know those times when your life is humming along seemingly well, then BAM! Everything hits the rails and plumments into darkness? That is how my last challenge ended. My family lost a cherished loved one to a drunk driver and it shook me to my foundations. I'm still reeling. 

 

I spent alot of the last two weeks thinking about my life, what I want, and who I want to be. I'm certaintly not done yet but I realized that I'm letting fear run my life. The darkness within loves to taunt me with my worst fears. Fear of not being good enough, being enough for those I love. Fear of the unknown. Fear of losing those I cherish the most. Not being able to start a family. Fear of attempting things that stretch my comfort zone. 

 

I freaking tired of being afraid of my own life. I am stronger, more resilient, brave, awesome and AM TIRED OF BEING AFRAID! 

 

This challenge, I am shining in the darkness and conquering my fears. When I embrace life whole-heartedly and embrace my fears, there is no power in the verse that can stop me!

 

 

 

 

Main Quest

 

Building strength, calm, harmony, and restoration of my heart, body, soul, and mind.

 

Motivation

I will face each day with an open heart, be adventurous in all the ways that piqued my curiosity, have specific long-term goals, and practice kindness and compassion towards myself. I will meet myself where I am with love, compassion, and without judgement. I will celebrate the smallest of successes and be gentle with myself if I fail, focusing instead on learning what works for me. I will respect the limitations of my mind, body, heart and soul, and find the edges where I can growth from.

 

Challenge Quests

 

Physical: Decrease my BF to 25% and reach 190 lbs

Emotional: Use my DBT skills everyday to combat the darkness within

Spiritual: Continue building a yoga practice

Mental: Practice overcoming my fears

 

Quest One: Battle Training

 

I decided part way through my last challenge to experiment with bodyweight workouts, and fell in love! I love lifting the iron, but am really enjoying the flexiblity and sense of mastery that BW workouts are giving me. Not to mention outdoor workouts!!

 

I'm building up to complete a full pull-up and crow pose. I am afraid of being upside down, so this is a good place to start! Once I am able to complete a pike push-up, I will add a crow stand practise.

 

This challenge, I will complete 3 BW workouts per week that must include:

- Squats

- Handstand Push-ups

- Push-ups

- Pull-up progression.

- Daily flex-hang practice

 

Acquisition: Bodyweight work completed 1x per week
Consolidation: Bodyweight work completed 2x per week
Refinement: Bodyweight work completed 3x per week

 

In addition to the workouts, I have been doing mini-sets of physical activity throughout the day. Everytime I get up to go take a break at work, I go do some push ups or squats. I'm loving it, but need to do a better job of tracking the extras!

 

Quest 2: Have No Fear You will Overcome

 

I am good at letting my fears stop me from doing the things that I dream of doing, or making my life better. This challenge, I will find one activity per week that has some fear associated with it, and overcome my fears by doing the activity. I will hold myself accountable by posting here about my progress. If I come across more than 1 chance to practise per week, then I'll add it here for bonus points.

 

Week 1: Attend the board Game night on Wednesday at the local Game store Done! Had a great time!

Week 2: Practice crow pose daily (/7). I hate being upside down so this is a good way to practise being inverted.

Week 3:

Week 4:

Week 5:

Week 6:

Acquisition: >3 activities completed
Consolidation: 4-6 activities completed
Refinement: >6 activities completed

 

Quest 3: Shining Stars

 

My mental health has taken a beating the last couple weeks. Moreover, I've always struggled to regulate my emotions and stopping them from taking over my decision making and the way I interact with others. I am an emotionally sensitive person, highly empathetic, and feel things very intensely. This is both my blessing and my curse.  

 

Emotions are like stars, they shine brighter in the darkness and can be a beautiful thing. 

 

I have a new DBT workbook that I will go through every week. I will complete at least 1 chapter a week, and can do more if I like. I will also complete all the activities and workbook before the end of the challenge. 

 

Acquisition: >50% activities completed
Consolidation: 50-75% activities completed
Refinement: >75%  activities completed

 

Quest 4: Let it go.

 

I've been struggling with mindful eating and sugar the past month or so, and would like to tackle this during the challenge by:

 

I joined the mindful eating accountabuddy group, and will post weekly. 

Limiting my sugar intake outside of fruit to 1 per week in a snack size serving, that will be ate using mindful eating 

 

This goal is subjectively pass/fail. I'll check in and see if I can find a better way of tracking. Limiting my sugar intake will help with the BF and weight loss goal in my main quest. 

[tundralily]

Starting Stats

 

Neck - 13 inches. 

Waist - 29.5 inches. 

Hips - 40.5 inches. 

Weight - 194lbs 

BF (Navy) - 26.7

Lean Mass: 142.2.lbs 

Fat Mass: 51.8 lbs

[Tanuki]

This sounds like an inspirational challenge Are you coming to Assassins or remaining Ranger?

[BellaDonna]

I'm sorry to read of your bereavement. Your motivation for this challenge is beautiful.

 

In the darkest night, there are still the stars. You can shine brightly through this.

[Amdhiel]

I'm really sorry to hear about your family friend . Your fear resonates with me and is something I struggle with so I'm excited to see how you progress. I'll also have to look into DBT and see if there might be something I can learn.

[tundralily]

This sounds like an inspirational challenge Are you coming to Assassins or remaining Ranger?

 

Thanks for stopping by! I'm training with the assassins this time around, but am a Ranger at heart. Time to develop some inner ninja!

I'm really sorry to hear about your family friend . Your fear resonates with me and is something I struggle with so I'm excited to see how you progress. I'll also have to look into DBT and see if there might be something I can learn.

 

Thanks Amdhiel, its been really tough. Let's go conquer our fears! DBT is awesome. I have some resources if you are interested. I tried CBT for a while to help with my depression/anxiety, but it never really clicked. DBT is another approach but works really well for me.

 

I'm sorry to read of your bereavement. Your motivation for this challenge is beautiful.

 

In the darkest night, there are still the stars. You can shine brightly through this.

 

Thanks Bella, glad you stopped by! I'm figuring out that we shine brightest to drive out the darkness.

[tundralily]

Starting photos are up! You know you have those moments of holy crap what happened to my body? Uh huh, had one of those when I looked at the back profile photo. I compared it to my beginning photos and nearly fell over. Hot damm, I'm loving the way my back is looking!

 

 

Still working on my challenge goals, those will be forthcoming tonight. I want to focus on a yoga pose and skill work, but am not into handstands for reasons. Any other cool poses that you have progressed to? I was looking at a crow pose and liking the idea.

[Swampling]

Hi there! *waves* 

 

Yes, your back is looking awesome!  

 

And the crow pose is something I am working on, too.  

[Amdhiel]

Thanks Amdhiel, its been really tough. Let's go conquer our fears! DBT is awesome. I have some resources if you are interested. I tried CBT for a while to help with my depression/anxiety, but it never really clicked. DBT is another approach but works really well for me.

 

Resources would be awesome!! I've done a lot of CBT based stuff and have done some work with mindfulness. I looked at the overview on http://behavioraltech.org/resources/whatisdbt.cfm. Working on distress tolerance, interpersonal effectiveness and emotional regulation would be really good for me. The interpersonal effectiveness piece is something I constantly struggle with and then it throws everything else off. It's frusterating when you'd rather hide in a corner over asking for help or clarification or anything.

[tundralily]

Resources would be awesome!! I've done a lot of CBT based stuff and have done some work with mindfulness. I looked at the overview on http://behavioraltech.org/resources/whatisdbt.cfm. Working on distress tolerance, interpersonal effectiveness and emotional regulation would be really good for me. The interpersonal effectiveness piece is something I constantly struggle with and then it throws everything else off. It's frusterating when you'd rather hide in a corner over asking for help or clarification or anything.

 

Yupp, I hear you on the corners. Me and my corner have been friends lately, but it gets lonely struggling by yourself! I don't know what I would do without the support of all the wonderful Rebels here and my family...

 

So for resources!! I have a workbook that I like. Bought it used off of Amazon. It's called The DBT Skills Workbook: Practical DBT Exercises for Learning Mindfulness, Interpersonal Effectiveness, Emotion Regulation, and Distress Tolerance. I brought it to my therapist and she loves it. We spent about 3 months last fall working through it together.

 

Other resources I found helpful:

 

DBT Self Help

Lots of Handouts

Free Workbook (Its for groups, but I use parts of it by myself and am doing ok)

 

Some of the resources I found focus on the treating specific disorders (Borderline personality disorder, etc) which I do not have. So I take what I need and leave the rest that may not apply to my situation. YMMV. 

[Amdhiel]

Yupp, I hear you on the corners. Me and my corner have been friends lately, but it gets lonely struggling by yourself! I don't know what I would do without the support of all the wonderful Rebels here and my family...

 

So for resources!! I have a workbook that I like. Bought it used off of Amazon. It's called The DBT Skills Workbook: Practical DBT Exercises for Learning Mindfulness, Interpersonal Effectiveness, Emotion Regulation, and Distress Tolerance. I brought it to my therapist and she loves it. We spent about 3 months last fall working through it together.

 

Other resources I found helpful:

 

DBT Self Help

Lots of Handouts

Free Workbook (Its for groups, but I use parts of it by myself and am doing ok)

 

Some of the resources I found focus on the treating specific disorders (Borderline personality disorder, etc) which I do not have. So I take what I need and leave the rest that may not apply to my situation. YMMV. 

 

You're the best!! I'll start looking through all this stuff and maybe get the workbook. Corners can occasionally be useful but I agree with you that battling alone is no fun at all.

[tundralily]

Challenge Goals posted! I've been having fun doing the Assassin mini and rocking out the mountain climbers/pull-ups. Going to do some mobility on the foam roller before bed so my arms don't protest tomorrow.

[tundralily]

Today is a day of protesting by my arms. Feels awesome though! I'm going take down these pull-ups (eventually) like a boss! Time to do some leg work today and give my arms a rest. I did 100 mountain climbers for the assassin mini so far today, and have squats on the roster for tonight. I also got a new haircut and shirt! I saw a friend of mine that I haven't seen in awhile on the way to get coffee this morning and she had super positive comments about how I looked. Apparently I look way happier then last time I saw her and am "glowing". Made my day

[Amdhiel]

I saw a friend of mine that I haven't seen in awhile on the way to get coffee this morning and she had super positive comments about how I looked. Apparently I look way happier then last time I saw her and am "glowing". Made my day

 

That's awesome news!!! Love it when other people see all your hard work paying off and let you know.

[Charlie_Quinn]

Ah ha! There you are!  Fantastic goals and loving the pics! Your back does look awesome.

 

And holy crap, you can do Handstand Push-ups?! Color me impressed and jealous!

[tundralily]

Ah ha! There you are!  Fantastic goals and loving the pics! Your back does look awesome.

 

And holy crap, you can do Handstand Push-ups?! Color me impressed and jealous!

 

Hello there! I'm being sneaky with the assassins this timbe around .

 

I wish I could do a handstand push-up! Sadly, I'm on pikes. Have to work on my fear of being upside down first

[tundralily]

Mid week Update!

 

Quest One: Battle Training

 

I've done 2 body weight workouts this week and small bursts of lifting for the assassin mini. I have to remind myself not to let those take the place of my workouts, even though I'm having so much fun!

 

Quest 2: Have No Fear You will Overcome

 

Going to play magic at the game store tonight with my hubby. Am a bit nervous but am looking forward to it.

 

Quest 3: Shining Stars

 

I'm 25% of the way through my DBT book and have completed all the activities so far.

[Chris-Tien Jinn]

So, what did you think of the Magic game???

 

[tundralily]

Double post!

 

[tundralily]

So, what did you think of the Magic game???

 

I had a great time! We played in a legacy tournament and I got my but handed to me lol. My decks are definitely not tournament decks, but it was fun anyway. One down off my list.

[tundralily]

Fear Feat of the Week: Practice crow pose daily. I'm not a fan of being upside down. This is a good way to push my limits and see what I can do.

 

[Tzippi Longstockings]

Starting photos are up! You know you have those moments of holy crap what happened to my body? Uh huh, had one of those when I looked at the back profile photo. I compared it to my beginning photos and nearly fell over. Hot damm, I'm loving the way my back is looking!

 

 

Still working on my challenge goals, those will be forthcoming tonight. I want to focus on a yoga pose and skill work, but am not into handstands for reasons. Any other cool poses that you have progressed to? I was looking at a crow pose and liking the idea.

 

 

Good on ya! Subbed to support and be amazed by the always amazing Tundralily. Take care, you!

[tundralily]

Good on ya! Subbed to support and be amazed by the always amazing Tundralily. Take care, you!

Hi tzippi, glad to see you back. Thanks for the support. Let's go be awesome!

[tundralily]

Week 2 Update:

2 bodyweight workouts completed so far!

Fear feats

I've practised crow for 2 days in a row and so far have a 2src hold. I fell over a bunch last night but kept at it! My dog wanted to join in lol.

I've done 3 chapters in my dbt workbook and will complete more today.

[Charlie_Quinn]

Great start to the week. Your dog is such a cutie pie!