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All I know right now is that my life is not the way I want it to be. [Fearkiller]


Fearkiller

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So, the basis for this is that I'm pelted with schoolwork, out of shape, tired, but that's not the point.

The point is how procrastination and frittering away time bleeds into everything:

 

I have something I need to do. Say, an assignment.

Say then I don't do it, because I watched read-webcomics,

watched youtube, [insert blank]. Then I start to worry about it,

more and more. The constant worrying and procrastination kills

productivity something awful, and the stress compounds.

I felt a bit like crying at the end, just because I couldn't pull

it off, because my time went all to the wrong places all the time.

 

I don't want to keep doing this. My aim is to work a chunk at a time,

focusing clearly on one thing, and not worry about it the rest of the time.

 

1) Set an amount, say 4 hours per day, stick to it, and during that time, do the work.

 

“When walking, walk. When eating, eat. Above all, don't dawdle.†~Zen proverb

 

2) The Zen Habits 1000 cuts

 

Fearkiller, on 26 Feb 2014 - 10:46 PM, said:snapback.png

Over the previous challenges, I have several times tried working out as a solid set of bodyweight exercises with a warm up,

exercises and streching. It has felt intimidating and pressing to obsess over it and have it as a unyielding chunk.

Then, during the Planksanity I found it fun to do planks in small 1-2 minute doses over the day.

So it turns out The Zenhabits Thousand Cuts Fitness Program, as described there, http://zenhabits.net/1000-cuts/
is small things along the day. A few pushups there, a pull up when you pass the bar, run when you feel like it.

Making them more frequent, harder and preferably something playful given  time.

So for future comparison, run until I have to stop, 10 push-ups or 1 minute good-form plank are sufficient each for one point.

 

200 points, 3-4 things a day.

 

3) Find an half an hour for drawing every day.

 

Basic shading excercises, drawing a bent wire, legos, wooden blocks, and basically just stuff all around me.

 

 

  • Like 1

"There is beauty in hardship / There are poems in grief" -Assemblage 23, Damaged

| STR:2.25 | DEX:2.25 | STA:2 | CON:1.25 | CHA:3.25 | WIS:7 | A place I will collect my woots - if I remember

Challenges | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 |  6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 15.115.2 |

Milythaels'  HOoRAY for which I am grateful | Today, right now, I am alive. And that is good.

It is amazing the power of those small gestures of love and kindness have on our lives. <3 - Liberator

"I myself am made entirely of flaws, stiched together with good intentions." - Augusten Burroughs, Magical thinking:True stories

"Pick up the pieces and keep going, one painfully slow step at a time." Hiraedd the twice-risen, hamadryad. 

"Spread love and understanding. Use force if necessary." - Leon Trotsky

"Let me think about the people I care about the most, and when they fail or disappoint me, I still love them, I still give them chances, and I still see the best in them. Let me extend that generosity to myself." zefrank1, An Invocation for Beginnings

"I don't feel guilty for wanting. That's like being mad because you have to breathe or pee. It just is." Someone in Reddit

"If you do strange things, strange things will happen!"

"That's it! Now go make something beautiful." -Jake Parker

 

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That's great! I'm going to look into the zen habits link. I'm trying is to add mini workouts in the morning since I'm mostly jogging and doing yoga. Eventually I'd like to add more throughout the day. 

Half Elf, 28.6 lbs overweight, average height, voluptuous, low muscle mass, bad ass mother f*cker

 

Current Challenge  Fourth Challenge Third Challenge Second Challenge First Challenge  My Long List of Goals 

 

Level 5

 
STR: 5STA: 4, DEX: 7, CON: 9, WIS: 13CHA: 8

 

Weight Goal: 2/43.6

1%
1%

 

 â€œAnd the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom†-- Anaïs Nin

Website      Instagram 

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Got a few emails out+a couple of slides of PowerPoint presentation.

About 8-10 slides to go, due tomorrow. Maybe 45min of real work in total.

 

10 push ups, 60 sec plank

 

No drawing.

"There is beauty in hardship / There are poems in grief" -Assemblage 23, Damaged

| STR:2.25 | DEX:2.25 | STA:2 | CON:1.25 | CHA:3.25 | WIS:7 | A place I will collect my woots - if I remember

Challenges | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 |  6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 15.115.2 |

Milythaels'  HOoRAY for which I am grateful | Today, right now, I am alive. And that is good.

It is amazing the power of those small gestures of love and kindness have on our lives. <3 - Liberator

"I myself am made entirely of flaws, stiched together with good intentions." - Augusten Burroughs, Magical thinking:True stories

"Pick up the pieces and keep going, one painfully slow step at a time." Hiraedd the twice-risen, hamadryad. 

"Spread love and understanding. Use force if necessary." - Leon Trotsky

"Let me think about the people I care about the most, and when they fail or disappoint me, I still love them, I still give them chances, and I still see the best in them. Let me extend that generosity to myself." zefrank1, An Invocation for Beginnings

"I don't feel guilty for wanting. That's like being mad because you have to breathe or pee. It just is." Someone in Reddit

"If you do strange things, strange things will happen!"

"That's it! Now go make something beautiful." -Jake Parker

 

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In school it's easy to fall into the trap of stressing, then distracting to relieve stress, stressing more, etc. They have apps that will block common procrastination sites (Facebook, YouTube, comics, optionally news, etc) for a chunk of time if you're interested. I can't remember the name of any off the top of my head though. Having a dedicated spot to put you in the right mindset helped me, which is kinda silly if I overanalyze since it was just as easy to goof off there as anywhere else.

Glad to see you keeping on with the 1000 cuts.

Level 10 Vegetarian Vampire Warrior

STR: 16 DEX: 7 STA: 6 WIS: 46 CON: 27 CHA: 17

Intro | Challenge: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

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In school it's easy to fall into the trap of stressing, then distracting to relieve stress, stressing more, etc. They have apps that will block common procrastination sites (Facebook, YouTube, comics, optionally news, etc) for a chunk of time if you're interested. I can't remember the name of any off the top of my head though. Having a dedicated spot to put you in the right mindset helped me, which is kinda silly if I overanalyze since it was just as easy to goof off there as anywhere else.

Glad to see you keeping on with the 1000 cuts.

Thanks for making me remember these. I installed LeechBlock, and it is working:

Just stopped a couple of "hey, let's see if I can derail the focus just because there's something interesting here"-reflexes.

- and has no questionable side effects like BlockSite.

 

1000 cuts 26.2

- 10 push ups

 

Stomach hurts randomly, so I'll do pull&chin ups when I get home.

 

Hey, I did 2 hours of work just like that - yes!

  • Like 1

"There is beauty in hardship / There are poems in grief" -Assemblage 23, Damaged

| STR:2.25 | DEX:2.25 | STA:2 | CON:1.25 | CHA:3.25 | WIS:7 | A place I will collect my woots - if I remember

Challenges | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 |  6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 15.115.2 |

Milythaels'  HOoRAY for which I am grateful | Today, right now, I am alive. And that is good.

It is amazing the power of those small gestures of love and kindness have on our lives. <3 - Liberator

"I myself am made entirely of flaws, stiched together with good intentions." - Augusten Burroughs, Magical thinking:True stories

"Pick up the pieces and keep going, one painfully slow step at a time." Hiraedd the twice-risen, hamadryad. 

"Spread love and understanding. Use force if necessary." - Leon Trotsky

"Let me think about the people I care about the most, and when they fail or disappoint me, I still love them, I still give them chances, and I still see the best in them. Let me extend that generosity to myself." zefrank1, An Invocation for Beginnings

"I don't feel guilty for wanting. That's like being mad because you have to breathe or pee. It just is." Someone in Reddit

"If you do strange things, strange things will happen!"

"That's it! Now go make something beautiful." -Jake Parker

 

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Hi there friend. It's been a while.

When I was in school, I wrote every due date in a planner at the beginning of the semester. The planner then became my Bible. I looked at it every day. It helped with the procrastination.

Do you have a planner or similar tool?

Pardon typos; sheep have hooves, not hands.

Level ? Half-Dwarf/Half-Amazon Warrior

STR:21.25 STA:15 DEX: 10.95 CON: 14 WIS:15.5 CHA:17

SWOLE BUCKS: 1

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

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Assemblage 23 - Damaged

 

http://youtu.be/ijU18du4gbs

 

Stumbled upon that song and I cried. It helped a little. This is just schoolwork and deadlines, and yet it feels like a personal failure not getting things done.

All the little decisions to put things off... I really didn't think it could result in a clusterfuck like this. The stress is showing, and it all the weight

-of a lot of other things too, from the past also- keeps piling up.

 

Fuck if I give up, though. I know where that road goes,

and I am not wanting there again.

  • Like 2

"There is beauty in hardship / There are poems in grief" -Assemblage 23, Damaged

| STR:2.25 | DEX:2.25 | STA:2 | CON:1.25 | CHA:3.25 | WIS:7 | A place I will collect my woots - if I remember

Challenges | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 |  6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 15.115.2 |

Milythaels'  HOoRAY for which I am grateful | Today, right now, I am alive. And that is good.

It is amazing the power of those small gestures of love and kindness have on our lives. <3 - Liberator

"I myself am made entirely of flaws, stiched together with good intentions." - Augusten Burroughs, Magical thinking:True stories

"Pick up the pieces and keep going, one painfully slow step at a time." Hiraedd the twice-risen, hamadryad. 

"Spread love and understanding. Use force if necessary." - Leon Trotsky

"Let me think about the people I care about the most, and when they fail or disappoint me, I still love them, I still give them chances, and I still see the best in them. Let me extend that generosity to myself." zefrank1, An Invocation for Beginnings

"I don't feel guilty for wanting. That's like being mad because you have to breathe or pee. It just is." Someone in Reddit

"If you do strange things, strange things will happen!"

"That's it! Now go make something beautiful." -Jake Parker

 

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Hi there friend. It's been a while.

When I was in school, I wrote every due date in a planner at the beginning of the semester. The planner then became my Bible. I looked at it every day. It helped with the procrastination.

Do you have a planner or similar tool?

Pardon typos; sheep have hooves, not hands.

I used to do that with a large calendar sheet, and it worked. It's a good system, but unfortunately the assignments are due in 9 days, and it's too late for that.

Yet, I should to that for the next period.

"There is beauty in hardship / There are poems in grief" -Assemblage 23, Damaged

| STR:2.25 | DEX:2.25 | STA:2 | CON:1.25 | CHA:3.25 | WIS:7 | A place I will collect my woots - if I remember

Challenges | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 |  6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 15.115.2 |

Milythaels'  HOoRAY for which I am grateful | Today, right now, I am alive. And that is good.

It is amazing the power of those small gestures of love and kindness have on our lives. <3 - Liberator

"I myself am made entirely of flaws, stiched together with good intentions." - Augusten Burroughs, Magical thinking:True stories

"Pick up the pieces and keep going, one painfully slow step at a time." Hiraedd the twice-risen, hamadryad. 

"Spread love and understanding. Use force if necessary." - Leon Trotsky

"Let me think about the people I care about the most, and when they fail or disappoint me, I still love them, I still give them chances, and I still see the best in them. Let me extend that generosity to myself." zefrank1, An Invocation for Beginnings

"I don't feel guilty for wanting. That's like being mad because you have to breathe or pee. It just is." Someone in Reddit

"If you do strange things, strange things will happen!"

"That's it! Now go make something beautiful." -Jake Parker

 

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I have something I need to do. Say, an assignment.


Say then I don't do it, because I watched read-webcomics,


watched youtube, [insert blank]. Then I start to worry about it,


more and more. The constant worrying and procrastination kills


productivity something awful, and the stress compounds.


I felt a bit like crying at the end, just because I couldn't pull


it off, because my time went all to the wrong places all the time.


 


Wow, thats me! I have had the entire week off for spring break and I have a math test coming up and I have not reviewed or done my math homework at all. I have to do it. If I fail this class that I am already doing poorly in then I lose my financial aid. Does that motivate me? Nope.


 


I am pulling for you, Fearkiller!!!!


We do not rise to the level of our expectations in a fight.

 

We fall to the level of our training.

 

 

 

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Don't give up!!!!!

Write down the assignments in a list. Prioritize them.

Here are some ways you can prioritize:

By date/time due

Easiest/shortest assignment first

Hardest/longest assignment first

Most important assignment first (I.e. the one that will affect your grade the most)

Practice grace with yourself. I KNOW it's hard. I struggle with it too. At this point - you can only do as much as you can do. The past is the past, and cursing it or yourself is not going to change anything. ACCEPT the present. Accept the moment for what it is. Then determine what steps you need to take. Then take the steps.

I am rooting for you!

Pardon typos; sheep have hooves, not hands.

Level ? Half-Dwarf/Half-Amazon Warrior

STR:21.25 STA:15 DEX: 10.95 CON: 14 WIS:15.5 CHA:17

SWOLE BUCKS: 1

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

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I can't forgive myself. I have had three years to work on this issue, and I done nothing.

I should've understood that pushing things to the future will only have them waiting there.

I know all that I should do and be - and if I know them, I can't forgive myself for not doing them.

 

I did read some strategic marketing, but didn't get any of the tasks done.

From 5 days, about of the time I had for work, 5-8 hours went to Spelunky (a free 2D 8-bit spelunking game).

 

1000 cuts

27.2 28 leg raises, 10 push ups

28.2 60s plank, 2 sets of 2 pull ups+2 chin ups

1.3 30 min walk (2 miles), 30 step ups each leg, 30s side plank each side

2.3 2 pull ups, 2 chin ups

3.3 3x60s back strech, 60s downward dog, 30s ab strech, 60s thigh strech each leg

 

Haven't been any drawing, today ought to have some drawing in it.

"There is beauty in hardship / There are poems in grief" -Assemblage 23, Damaged

| STR:2.25 | DEX:2.25 | STA:2 | CON:1.25 | CHA:3.25 | WIS:7 | A place I will collect my woots - if I remember

Challenges | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 |  6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 15.115.2 |

Milythaels'  HOoRAY for which I am grateful | Today, right now, I am alive. And that is good.

It is amazing the power of those small gestures of love and kindness have on our lives. <3 - Liberator

"I myself am made entirely of flaws, stiched together with good intentions." - Augusten Burroughs, Magical thinking:True stories

"Pick up the pieces and keep going, one painfully slow step at a time." Hiraedd the twice-risen, hamadryad. 

"Spread love and understanding. Use force if necessary." - Leon Trotsky

"Let me think about the people I care about the most, and when they fail or disappoint me, I still love them, I still give them chances, and I still see the best in them. Let me extend that generosity to myself." zefrank1, An Invocation for Beginnings

"I don't feel guilty for wanting. That's like being mad because you have to breathe or pee. It just is." Someone in Reddit

"If you do strange things, strange things will happen!"

"That's it! Now go make something beautiful." -Jake Parker

 

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I am going to talk to my teachers again about postponing the assignments,

but that only means I have to work even harder to catch up that stuff too.

Well, so be it.

 

I am a bit afraid of the workload, and all the things I have to sacrifice to get it done, and the stacking effect of what happens if I fall behind any more. I did 'complete' assignments, but only in the technical sense:  two of them of them tasted like filler, “I just wrote something blahblahblah†I don’t think I get many points from them, and certainly didn’t learn much.

 

Positive? Hmm.. Breathing gently, aka meditation, even in little doses. It helps some with the anxiety.

And the T-shirt image “Don’t worry, everything is going to be amazingâ€

 

gallery_7308_1690_6478.jpg

 

(Jeez, that's big!)

 

I traced the outlines from a printed one, and started coloring them with a lead pencil. Kinda foolish, but it was nice to do something definite and clear. I am going to do that with something similar  for the front cover of my future notebooks:

lifted from an anime Full Metal Panic, from Kaname Chidori

“Don’t worry, everything is gonna happy :love_heart:†Yes, the exact wording :tongue:

 

1000 cuts

Didn’t make any notes between 4-6.3, but I can’t remember doing anything.

Sat 7.3 10 push ups, 2 chin ups, 2 pull ups, about 3 minutes of stretching

Sun 8.3 25 leg raises, 65s plank

 

Oh, and this song: (Assemblage again, but they rock!)

 

http://youtu.be/42rQM_ksibc

 

Gives a little much needed distance - it's not the end of the world,

though it feels like it sometimes.

"There is beauty in hardship / There are poems in grief" -Assemblage 23, Damaged

| STR:2.25 | DEX:2.25 | STA:2 | CON:1.25 | CHA:3.25 | WIS:7 | A place I will collect my woots - if I remember

Challenges | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 |  6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 15.115.2 |

Milythaels'  HOoRAY for which I am grateful | Today, right now, I am alive. And that is good.

It is amazing the power of those small gestures of love and kindness have on our lives. <3 - Liberator

"I myself am made entirely of flaws, stiched together with good intentions." - Augusten Burroughs, Magical thinking:True stories

"Pick up the pieces and keep going, one painfully slow step at a time." Hiraedd the twice-risen, hamadryad. 

"Spread love and understanding. Use force if necessary." - Leon Trotsky

"Let me think about the people I care about the most, and when they fail or disappoint me, I still love them, I still give them chances, and I still see the best in them. Let me extend that generosity to myself." zefrank1, An Invocation for Beginnings

"I don't feel guilty for wanting. That's like being mad because you have to breathe or pee. It just is." Someone in Reddit

"If you do strange things, strange things will happen!"

"That's it! Now go make something beautiful." -Jake Parker

 

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Do less. But do what you do with complete and hard focus. Then when you’re done be done, and go enjoy the rest of the day.

http://calnewport.com/blog/2011/11/11/if-youre-busy-youre-doing-something-wrong-the-surprisingly-relaxed-lives-of-elite-achievers/

 

That's where I want to be. But I am up for a yet another long night of work, and I don't think I can take it on.

 

During the weekend, I managed to get 10 points in the 1000 cuts. But I also didn't get an assignment done, because I had no internet.

I had to delete some of the games that were eating up my time, because it needed to stop. So that's good, but too little, too late.

 

I'm scared of going there with nothing to show. Worrying changes nothing, but it all feels too much, and I keep f*****g making the same mistakes again and again and again.

 

...

 

Sorry.

"There is beauty in hardship / There are poems in grief" -Assemblage 23, Damaged

| STR:2.25 | DEX:2.25 | STA:2 | CON:1.25 | CHA:3.25 | WIS:7 | A place I will collect my woots - if I remember

Challenges | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 |  6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 15.115.2 |

Milythaels'  HOoRAY for which I am grateful | Today, right now, I am alive. And that is good.

It is amazing the power of those small gestures of love and kindness have on our lives. <3 - Liberator

"I myself am made entirely of flaws, stiched together with good intentions." - Augusten Burroughs, Magical thinking:True stories

"Pick up the pieces and keep going, one painfully slow step at a time." Hiraedd the twice-risen, hamadryad. 

"Spread love and understanding. Use force if necessary." - Leon Trotsky

"Let me think about the people I care about the most, and when they fail or disappoint me, I still love them, I still give them chances, and I still see the best in them. Let me extend that generosity to myself." zefrank1, An Invocation for Beginnings

"I don't feel guilty for wanting. That's like being mad because you have to breathe or pee. It just is." Someone in Reddit

"If you do strange things, strange things will happen!"

"That's it! Now go make something beautiful." -Jake Parker

 

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It sounds like you just need the world to STOP for a while.  I don't know if you have a job anymore, but is there a way to just devote a semester to making up missed homework and re-doing bad assignments without having to take anything new on?

 

Do you have any coloring books?  If you don't like the paper, see if you can get them copied over to something nicer.

 

The second song seems more uplifting, or at least a "fight back" or healing song.

 

For the internet blackout, can you at least assemble a list of topics you would have looked up if you could?

 

This is a song that you may or might not like.  I was looking for "Hell and Consequences" a while back, and it reminded me it exists.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6gRdzvxo9wc

I have conditions that affect my social awareness.  If I am rude, tell me what I could do better.

5'8" & 220 260 pounds | Miles Walked: X

2019: | 1 | 2 | 3 |

Pre 2017: | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | * | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 |

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How are you doing?

 

Can’t go backwards, not sideways, and I can barely limp forward.

I can’t give up studies, that’d be three years wasted. I can’t start something new, that’d be 3-4 years more of something, and I have no clue what. The last year of studies is going to be hard grind with all the work. I had three days off wed-fri.

Didn’t do much, so fucked up that too.

I feel like I haven’t learned much in my studies, and I will end up as unemployed, either leeching off my parents,

or living with with the state granted 600 €/month unemployment benefit – you can live with that, but absolutely nothing else.

I have no other special skills I could use to get a job. I'm just general office-fodder. There’s not much market for that…

About suicide, so in spoilers

I can’t kill myself, though I want to. Because family, friends, everyone who knows me, and I am important to so many people. I’m hoping I would get mortally ill, or have an accident, so it wouldn’t be my fault, but I could hope for the moon if I’m hoping, as likely as it is. Thinking about it a lot. I don’t care about myself, just that sorrow to those who love and know me. But there’s no point, other than what would happen if I died.

Can’t, Can’t Can’t. Worry Worry, Worry., fear, tired.

Ho boy there’s a lot of bullshit in my headspace.

Should be and do so much, should’ve started fucking last year to fix the bad habits, and I keep fucking everything up like I have in the past. Putting things off, and not doing them, and stressing and worrying about it all. And it gets worse all the time.

 

What kind of future can I have? Right now fixing all that is wrong isn't worth it.

Just keep swimming. But oh hell.

 

"There is beauty in hardship / There are poems in grief" -Assemblage 23, Damaged

| STR:2.25 | DEX:2.25 | STA:2 | CON:1.25 | CHA:3.25 | WIS:7 | A place I will collect my woots - if I remember

Challenges | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 |  6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 15.115.2 |

Milythaels'  HOoRAY for which I am grateful | Today, right now, I am alive. And that is good.

It is amazing the power of those small gestures of love and kindness have on our lives. <3 - Liberator

"I myself am made entirely of flaws, stiched together with good intentions." - Augusten Burroughs, Magical thinking:True stories

"Pick up the pieces and keep going, one painfully slow step at a time." Hiraedd the twice-risen, hamadryad. 

"Spread love and understanding. Use force if necessary." - Leon Trotsky

"Let me think about the people I care about the most, and when they fail or disappoint me, I still love them, I still give them chances, and I still see the best in them. Let me extend that generosity to myself." zefrank1, An Invocation for Beginnings

"I don't feel guilty for wanting. That's like being mad because you have to breathe or pee. It just is." Someone in Reddit

"If you do strange things, strange things will happen!"

"That's it! Now go make something beautiful." -Jake Parker

 

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Sounds like you are in a bad place. All the great ones go to the bad places and worry about the future. The lesser ones, the common people barely give a thought to the future. They live in the moment and when the future arrives, they wonder what happened. You are not like that. You are in school and like me, you might suck at it just like Einstein and Darwin, but you give thought to the future. If you fear unemployment and living on the dole, that will not be your future. 

We do not rise to the level of our expectations in a fight.

 

We fall to the level of our training.

 

 

 

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Alright, what happens beyond living on welfare, should that happen?  Would that be forever, or would it just be something to keep you going until you find a job?  Maybe you could find time to write a great novel or work on art to the point where you can be an illustrator or even sell prints.

I have conditions that affect my social awareness.  If I am rude, tell me what I could do better.

5'8" & 220 260 pounds | Miles Walked: X

2019: | 1 | 2 | 3 |

Pre 2017: | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | * | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 |

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Dr. Paul G. Quinnett, about circular logic

"Here is another dangerous piece of suicidal logic. We call it circular logic.
This in-the-head conversation goes like this:
"I'm going to kill myself."
"Why?"
"Because my problems can't be solved."
"How do you know your problems can't be solved?"
“Are you nuts? If my problems could be solved, do you think I'd be on the verge of killing
myself?"
This kind of logic is like having one shoe nailed to the floor and running at top speed: the faster
you go, the dizzier you get. It never occurs to you to sit down, untie your shoes, step out of them,
and walk off barefoot in some new direction.
"

 

It's not entirely the same, but that last paragraph works with worries as well.

 

I have enough savings to last 2-3 years.

How could I have forgotten so big of a thing? I'm not kicked out from my parents place as soon as I graduate, dropped in the deep end.

 

As a family friend once said: "Things have a tendency to work out just fine".

 

Yeah, it's 1000 versus 600 bucks/month, but that 400 makes all the difference.

 

400 rent, 100 water, 100 electricity, 100 for insurance & misc. and 200 for food and clothes 'n' stuff. and 100 for something else.

No car, buns, coffee, or nights out, using everything to the end, so it's a bit limited, but it's entirely doable.

 

 Simplified, yes, day-to-day living complicates probably a lot, but

 It's no longer merely surviving, but even living a little. And yes, I wouldn't sit on my ass, twiddling my thumbs,

compared to what I have now, I'd have 8 hours of daytime to fill with something -learning, exercising, what I could get my hands on.

 

And that's if I find no work whatsoever.

 

I am a bit scared I could forget something so major, and get stuck so badly. That's not good. Not good at all.

Such a sharp, hard dip, and now I'm... okay, I guess? What the hell is/was this, anyway?

 

It's that future looks a lot wider, now, somehow.

 

1000 cuts

15.3 25 leg raises, 65s plank

16.3 8 push ups, 10 push ups

17.3 1 point of streching

 

25.3 10 lunges, 10 push ups, 65s plank, 5 min of streching

27.3 10 push ups,

29.3 6+4 push ups, 22 leg raises

 

"There is beauty in hardship / There are poems in grief" -Assemblage 23, Damaged

| STR:2.25 | DEX:2.25 | STA:2 | CON:1.25 | CHA:3.25 | WIS:7 | A place I will collect my woots - if I remember

Challenges | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 |  6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 15.115.2 |

Milythaels'  HOoRAY for which I am grateful | Today, right now, I am alive. And that is good.

It is amazing the power of those small gestures of love and kindness have on our lives. <3 - Liberator

"I myself am made entirely of flaws, stiched together with good intentions." - Augusten Burroughs, Magical thinking:True stories

"Pick up the pieces and keep going, one painfully slow step at a time." Hiraedd the twice-risen, hamadryad. 

"Spread love and understanding. Use force if necessary." - Leon Trotsky

"Let me think about the people I care about the most, and when they fail or disappoint me, I still love them, I still give them chances, and I still see the best in them. Let me extend that generosity to myself." zefrank1, An Invocation for Beginnings

"I don't feel guilty for wanting. That's like being mad because you have to breathe or pee. It just is." Someone in Reddit

"If you do strange things, strange things will happen!"

"That's it! Now go make something beautiful." -Jake Parker

 

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The worst case scenario looks the biggest?  There's probably a fable about focusing only on the fattest buck in the herd when there are smaller ones that should be enough and are catchable.  Can you worry about making sure there isn't a gap in your resume?  Perhaps make something up like being a freelance something, being hired as a housecleaner by an elderly relative, or see if "independently expanding knowledge" is a good excuse for a gap.

 

As for being worried about how the worry got to you... it's a fair point.  Should you allow yourself to ruminate on your feelings, or should you do the thing that breaks that?

I have conditions that affect my social awareness.  If I am rude, tell me what I could do better.

5'8" & 220 260 pounds | Miles Walked: X

2019: | 1 | 2 | 3 |

Pre 2017: | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | * | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 |

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