Happiness = Kryptonite

[yadz]

I've been overweight most of my life, dipping into the obese category on occasion (like now). I've had some success in losing weight in the past, but every time it's happened there's been one underlying factor...

 

bullied in highschool = thin

 

building friendships in college = overweight

 

broke and lonely = thin

 

gainfully employed = overweight

 

broke and living with my parents = thin

 

happily married = overweight

 

the problem, as you might see, is I always lose weight when my life is the most miserable. diet becomes a form of control over a life where I otherwise have none. exercise becomes a way of escape (3 hours in the gym is 3 hours you don't need to face your miserable life). which brings us to now. I'm really happy in my life. an hour in the gym is an hour AWAY from my AMAZING life. food is a little easier to work in, but socialization (especially in the UK where I live) generally means lots of drinks that tend to torpedo my weight loss attempts. To make matters worse, my husband is naturally fit. never works out, eats and drinks whatever he wants, and has no interest in working out with me. While he supports my goals, he doesn't share in the work. he does enjoy paleo meals though and rarely brings junk food into the house.

 

I'm not looking for advice, any advice is just going to be a version of "suck it up, buttercup." which is what I know I have to do. I'm just explaining where I'm at right now. 

 

So, I'm going to try and suck it up. Here we go!

[Jett]

Hmm. Well, it's good that you have a great life now. It's too bad that your husband doesn't want to work out with you. Does he have an active job (construction or something)? I wonder if he's really as fit as he looks. At least he likes the healthy food and doesn't add in any junk. Are you a competative type of person? If I were in your situation, I think I'd probably be motivated to out-perform my husband, just to prove to him that he isn't in as good of health as he thinks.

 

But, eh. If he won't work out with you, maybe you can find a workout buddy.

 

[Brovatar Korra]

Hey there yadz! Your problems are legitimate, they are same problems that many of face as well! "Sucking it up" is about the most useless form of advice I can think of, and that is coming from someone who spent four years in the Army, when I was once in the mentality that I can finish this 12 mile ruck march, even with a hip stress fracture, if I just "change my socks and drink some water." (I finished my ruck march, but it permanently fucked up my hip. Was it worth it? NOPE!)

 

I know you aren't soliciting advice, but just be assured if and when you decide to ask other nerds their opinions or just to commiserate, you might be surprised at the compassionate and helpful responses you might get! That is one thing that I love about this website and community.

 

Sometimes when we connect the dots and draw a conclusion we don't like, think about connecting the dots in a different way to draw a new pattern.

Are there other factors besides just your overall happiness that played a role in your weight? Like when you were in high school or college, who was doing the cooking, what kind of foods did you eat? How accessible / affordable was healthy food?

 

I hope you will be able to find a way to incorporate positive changes for your own health INTO your amazing life with your husband and friends and find a nice balance. It is tough. And no one has a solution that works for everyone because everyone's situation is unique. But maybe through trial and error, and gleaning bits from what other nerds on this site put into action, you'll find your way!

 

You CAN do it!

[Ahyar Dreamspark]

 

 

the problem, as you might see, is I always lose weight when my life is the most miserable. diet becomes a form of control over a life where I otherwise have none. exercise becomes a way of escape (3 hours in the gym is 3 hours you don't need to face your miserable life). which brings us to now. I'm really happy in my life. an hour in the gym is an hour AWAY from my AMAZING life. food is a little easier to work in, but socialization (especially in the UK where I live) generally means lots of drinks that tend to torpedo my weight loss attempts. To make matters worse, my husband is naturally fit. never works out, eats and drinks whatever he wants, and has no interest in working out with me. While he supports my goals, he doesn't share in the work. he does enjoy paleo meals though and rarely brings junk food into the house.

 

 

First, congrats on having an AMAZING life

 

It seems that the social aspect of things is important to you, which I can totally understand. Have you tried/considered group fitness classes? Or gone to a gym that has a form of small group training? If socializing can happen at the gym (bonus points if you can get your husband or some of your current friends to join you!) then exercise will become a part of your amazing life, instead of time away from it.

 

The fact that your husband enjoys paleo meals and never brings junk into the house is a large part of the battle that is already won. If you like to cook, regular paleo meals could totally be a thing.

 

As for drinks, I'll just say two things:

 

1. One can drink on a regular basis and not necessarily torpedo all fitness efforts, according to this article. But I feel like an asshole for linking to this because, while it is good information, it's also the thing that shoved me down the alcoholism slope a few years ago, so to balance that out...

 

2. On the Moderation Management web site (a much more sane version of AA), it is suggested to do a 30-day alcohol fast. I've done this and it did wonders to reduce alcohol tolerance, so then I could be more drunk with less drinks. It also saved me a lot of money.

 

Anyway. Fitness does not have to equal abstinence

 

Good luck with everything!