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Elisha Goes Back To Basics


Elisha

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I lose focus around week 4. I wish I could figure out what made my first (technically second) challenge so easy. I don't know if it was because I picked the perfect goals or the perfect "main" goal or if it was because I was completely isolated without a convenient way to access temptations. 

This time I'm getting rid of the life goal. I have too many. I can't pick just one. I know it probably doesn't make sense to not pick any if I have so many, but I really want to focus on exercise and eating healthy. 


My Main Goal: 

I want to apply for the FBI in the fall. I can't say I'd take the job if they let me in since I'd have to leave my dogs for 20 weeks. I just want to be able to say I did. And who knows, if they let me in, maybe I'd ditch the dogs after all. :) JK, I'd pay someone to watch them for a few months. 

I also want to wear shorts this summer. All the time. And feel good in them. 

 
1. Running: 4 days a week. No excuses.  I am now on week 10 of Run Your Belly Off. I also found a 5k on the 25th of this month. Fingers crossed I can pull it off. 

2. Strength Training: How did I become a cardio freak and turn my back on muscles? I'm doing this plan for 100 kettle bell swings.  I bought a 10 lb bell. It seems a little light, but I'll keep it. I can always do another round of the challenge with a 20 lb weight. I'd like to get up to 100 at 25 lbs. I may throw in a work out from this app I have a free trial for: Samsung Workout Trainer. It has a lot of workouts and I set it up to remind me for 2 workouts a week. I can use it for yoga too though. 

3. Yoga: I loves me some yoga. I have so many DVDs and books. I also have access to internet right now so I'd like to utilize youtube. Since I'm adding strength training, I'm going to cut yoga to 3 days a week. 

4. Diet: The Good Mood Diet. I will still have a cheat meal 1x a week, but I still have to have the 5 must have foods that day. All I remember right now is flax seed and a whole egg. I'm changing this diet to make it more like paleo. For example, she wants fat free foods. I will eat whole fat food. She wants Splenda, I'll use stevia or paleo approved sweeteners. I'm hoping I will have enough energy to start making my own soups and salad dressings and what not and stop using store bought ones and I will make them paleo versions.  Right now it is just easier to buy organic canned soup than make my own. Same with dressing. 

I know a lot of people don't like "cheat days" and what not, but I've found if I have concrete boundaries for food that I like and shouldn't always eat, it is just better mentally.  Is it Tuesday? Well, I can't have that, but I'll be able to eat it in 5 days. This week, I know my brother wants to go to this cupcake place that has 1lb cupcakes. I know we will also get some lunch after our Buddhist class. If I didn't allow myself to go with the flow and enjoy it, I would just set myself up to fail and I'd pig out the rest of the week with abandon. It's kind of like when I ran for distance, I'd get tired and tell myself, just to the next tree (or light pole or whatever seemed reasonable) then I'd allow myself to walk when I reached it or sometimes, I'd push on until the next. Why shouldn't I use the same concept for food?

 

I also know you shouldn't use food as a reward, but I don't know what else to use. I love food as a reward. I'm hoping if I use food as a reward for eating well and working out instead of because I've had a rough day, then maybe I can eventually not use food for rewards at all.  Wean myself off. Or not and just continue to enjoy a day where I don't worry about what I eat.  (Worry as much.) 

Many people think you shouldn't eat paleo versions of nonpaleo food. I think that is garbage and a very detrimental statement. I don't eat normal pancakes, but sometimes I like paleo pancakes to mix up my breakfast. I don't eat nearly as many paleo cookies as I do regular cookies and the ingredients are healthier.  Yes, you need to eat lots of veggies and meat, but the way I see it, if someone is just starting out and they are eating garbage, healthy versions of those foods are a huge step in the right direction. So why tell people their way is wrong and is missing the point if they are doing it differently than you do? Isn't the whole point just to be healthier than you were yesterday? Then I say, mind yo' bidness. Don't put other people down just because they aren't at the same level as you.  Why must we be elitist with our health? 

Sorry, that's been on my chest for awhile. 


My Grading System is as follows:

 

I will do a weekly grade I think. If I get everything finished A, etc.  

If I fail 2 weeks in a row, I fail the challenge. If I fail 3 nonconsecutive weeks in the challenge, I fail the challenge. 


My rewards:

Weekly Reward. I must come up with this the Monday or I can't get an A for the week since I am so bad at rewarding myself.  These will be free or under $5. 
 
A for the challenge = An awesome booty. Massage. Plus the other rewards.

B for the challenge = New foundation and grown up skin care product from Ulta (unless someone has a recommendation.) Plus C and D.

C for the challenge =  Pedicure plus D

D for the challenge = Ha, like I'm getting a D.  Although, so I can get one more reward when I get an A; manicure 

 

Points rewarded if I receive a B or higher for the challenge:

 Str: 4      Sta: 4      Dex: 4       Con: 1       Wis: 1      Cha: 1

If I receive less than a  B I will edit the points based on the areas I was weakest/strongest in. 

 

 

*** I will not post before and after photos until I am at my goal because I discovered if you do an image search of my name they show up. Since I'm an artist people do images searches of my name. I was mortified. ***
 

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Half Elf, 28.6 lbs overweight, average height, voluptuous, low muscle mass, bad ass mother f*cker

 

Current Challenge  Fourth Challenge Third Challenge Second Challenge First Challenge  My Long List of Goals 

 

Level 5

 
STR: 5STA: 4, DEX: 7, CON: 9, WIS: 13CHA: 8

 

Weight Goal: 2/43.6

1%
1%

 

 â€œAnd the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom†-- Anaïs Nin

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**hangs hammock and preps the extra week 4 motivation for later use**

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“It’s the sensible, logical thing to do, of course, which is why we don’t do it.” -Tanis, Dragons of Autumn Twilight

"Hope is the denial of reality. It is the carrot dangled before the draft horse to keep him plodding along in a vain attempt to reach it." - Raistlin - Dragons of Autumn Twilight

Current Challenge

 

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Hey,

 

welcome to the Druids ;)

FBI sounds awesome!

 

About your focus problems: That is normal. =)

 

If you take a look at your last challenges you might find a connection.

Many people are thrilled for the 1st week and the support is awesome.

They keep up their new habits and everything.

In week 2 they see awesome results and keep going.

But week 3 becomes hard. The first excuses begin to add up to a mini problem or life kicks in.

Week 4 is hard.

For many people it is very helpful to have special motivation for the halfway done cliff ;)

Like a great success or a celebration.

How about a benchmark workout for beginning, mid and end? If you like crossfit style you can pick any workout and compare the times.

There are workouts with running...The first that came to my mind is tough. Do you know "Murph"?

If you scale it to your needs or find something better you will see and feel your progress.

 

 

 

For your diet: Have you read about the 80/20 rule? Actually thats what you are doing. And it is great.

 

Many people think you shouldn't eat paleo versions of nonpaleo food. I think that is garbage and a very detrimental statement. I don't eat normal pancakes, but sometimes I like paleo pancakes to mix up my breakfast. I don't eat nearly as many paleo cookies as I do regular cookies and the ingredients are healthier.  Yes, you need to eat lots of veggies and meat, but the way I see it, if someone is just starting out and they are eating garbage, healthy versions of those foods are a huge step in the right direction. So why tell people their way is wrong and is missing the point if they are doing it differently than you do? Isn't the whole point just to be healthier than you were yesterday? Then I say, mind yo' bidness. Don't put other people down just because they aren't at the same level as you.  Why must we be elitist with our health? 

Sorry, that's been on my chest for awhile. 
 

Thanks! That should be said way more often.

Although cooking paleo versions of "what you were used to before going paleo" has a huge disadvantage it can be very helpful. If you don't forget that using the old recipes keeps you from discovering lots of food that you didn't even know existed ;) Actually that is gonna be the healthy stuff...

Paleo versions are a good solution and very helpful especially in the beginning.

Being healthy should be normal not elitist. And so we should eat paleo pancakes if we want, right?

 

Have a great start!

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Fate whispers to the warrior: "You cannot withstand the storm."

 The warrior whispers back:
 "
I am the storm."

 

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So why tell people their way is wrong and is missing the point if they are doing it differently than you do? Isn't the whole point just to be healthier than you were yesterday? Then I say, mind yo' bidness. Don't put other people down just because they aren't at the same level as you.  Why must we be elitist with our health? 

 

 

THIS! This so, so much!

 

Also, WHAT A GOAL! That sounds amazing and I am cheering for you! :)

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Kellie


Level 3 Hobbit Druid


MFP: kelliefications | battlelog | NF instagram


The NF Society


"Give a girl the right shoes and she can conquer the world." - Marilyn Monroe


STR 2.25 DEX 2.25 STA 2.25 CON 4 WIS 7 CHA 10.25


campaign -  act iiiact iiact i

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Applying for the FBI sounds like one awsome life-goal to me, how you put it is just a semantics thing:)

Many people think you shouldn't eat paleo versions of nonpaleo food. I think that is garbage and a very detrimental statement. I don't eat normal pancakes, but sometimes I like paleo pancakes to mix up my breakfast. I don't eat nearly as many paleo cookies as I do regular cookies and the ingredients are healthier.  Yes, you need to eat lots of veggies and meat, but the way I see it, if someone is just starting out and they are eating garbage, healthy versions of those foods are a huge step in the right direction. So why tell people their way is wrong and is missing the point if they are doing it differently than you do? Isn't the whole point just to be healthier than you were yesterday? Then I say, mind yo' bidness. Don't put other people down just because they aren't at the same level as you.  Why must we be elitist with our health?

YES! THIS! (pardon the loudness of my writing)

Don't get me wrong, meat and veggies are great (I love them), but there should be nothing wrong about making or eating the things one loves. Or learning new skills. Or participationg fully in the social aspects of eating without feeling guilty. And this goes for non-beginners in paleo (or whatever lifestyle/diet one happens to be living (with) as well. Changes are about leveling up your life, not leveling up your gulit trips. Big difference.

I am sidetracking this compleeeeeetly (sorry), I just wanted to tell about one of the currently most populair coffee places in Oslo that serves paleo pasteries instead of "normal" ones, without making a big deal out of it. Anyone walking in there, who wants something to eat, ends up grabbing a almond based muffin or something. We're talking the average anyone, having a paleo treat, just as if it was "normal". Because it is normal. It's just food after all :)

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From the North, I am. Grammar applys here not.

Forest Elven Lightstalker Lv. 3

“Little by little, one travels farâ€.― J.R.R. Tolkien.


42%
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% of Available Sparklepoints Collected, Current Challenge

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Wow.  I read your challenge thread and felt as though we are on a very similar wavelength.  I'm VERY excited to follow you!  Good luck!

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Applying for the FBI sounds like one awsome life-goal to me, how you put it is just a semantics thing:)

YES! THIS! (pardon the loudness of my writing)

Don't get me wrong, meat and veggies are great (I love them), but there should be nothing wrong about making or eating the things one loves. Or learning new skills. Or participationg fully in the social aspects of eating without feeling guilty. And this goes for non-beginners in paleo (or whatever lifestyle/diet one happens to be living (with) as well. Changes are about leveling up your life, not leveling up your gulit trips. Big difference.

I am sidetracking this compleeeeeetly (sorry), I just wanted to tell about one of the currently most populair coffee places in Oslo that serves paleo pasteries instead of "normal" ones, without making a big deal out of it. Anyone walking in there, who wants something to eat, ends up grabbing a almond based muffin or something. We're talking the average anyone, having a paleo treat, just as if it was "normal". Because it is normal. It's just food after all :)

^^^yes! I would love that coffee place! I really would love to just walk into a place and grab something that I know is paleo. I found a Vegan restaurant in a Chicago suburb that doesn't use soy or wheat. I was buying food for a friend so I didn't try any, but the next time I go I am definitely getting something. She said everything was delicious. 

 

Wow.  I read your challenge thread and felt as though we are on a very similar wavelength.  I'm VERY excited to follow you!  Good luck!

Aw thanks. I'll look at your challenge. I love your name. :D

 

THIS! This so, so much!

 

Also, WHAT A GOAL! That sounds amazing and I am cheering for you! :)

Thanks. :D  We can cheer for each other. Woot!

 

Hey,

 

welcome to the Druids ;)

FBI sounds awesome!

 

About your focus problems: That is normal. =)

 

If you take a look at your last challenges you might find a connection.

Many people are thrilled for the 1st week and the support is awesome.

They keep up their new habits and everything.

In week 2 they see awesome results and keep going.

But week 3 becomes hard. The first excuses begin to add up to a mini problem or life kicks in.

Week 4 is hard.

For many people it is very helpful to have special motivation for the halfway done cliff ;)

Like a great success or a celebration.

How about a benchmark workout for beginning, mid and end? If you like crossfit style you can pick any workout and compare the times.

There are workouts with running...The first that came to my mind is tough. Do you know "Murph"?

If you scale it to your needs or find something better you will see and feel your progress.

 

 

 

For your diet: Have you read about the 80/20 rule? Actually thats what you are doing. And it is great.

 

Thanks! That should be said way more often.

Although cooking paleo versions of "what you were used to before going paleo" has a huge disadvantage it can be very helpful. If you don't forget that using the old recipes keeps you from discovering lots of food that you didn't even know existed ;) Actually that is gonna be the healthy stuff...

Paleo versions are a good solution and very helpful especially in the beginning.

Being healthy should be normal not elitist. And so we should eat paleo pancakes if we want, right?

 

Have a great start!

YES!  I think making nonpaleo foods as paleo is a great way to introduce yourself to a new ingredient. Then it is easier to branch into the "weirder" stuff. I think I will aim for the 80/20 rules this round. I love your ideas and I will look into this Murph character of whom you write. I agree, my excuses kick in around week 3 or 4. I will think of a nice reward for week 4. 

 

**hangs hammock and preps the extra week 4 motivation for later use**

Scootch on over, we can snuggle on that hammock. :D

 

Here for thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis!

Hi there, you beautiful woman!! We are going to rock this! 

  • Like 1

Half Elf, 28.6 lbs overweight, average height, voluptuous, low muscle mass, bad ass mother f*cker

 

Current Challenge  Fourth Challenge Third Challenge Second Challenge First Challenge  My Long List of Goals 

 

Level 5

 
STR: 5STA: 4, DEX: 7, CON: 9, WIS: 13CHA: 8

 

Weight Goal: 2/43.6

1%
1%

 

 â€œAnd the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom†-- Anaïs Nin

Website      Instagram 

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Last week I went to Chicago because my friend's mom died.  I ate my way through that town. I missed all that delicious food.  I also ran some hills, but I mostly ate and spent time with her and another friend from art school. 

Yesterday I had to spend all day at an emergency training session for my no good terrible dog. The day before I took him to petsmart to have his nails trimmed, they asked about behavior problems. I said yes, he's a demon. I was only half joking. Training took about 8 hours total and before that I went to see my Grandma. It was a full day and I ate some not so good food.  

I'm changing my diet already, but not too much. I will edit the original post and put my concrete workout plan with links in the OP. 

The reason for the change in the diet is because I am so tired all the time. Paleo helps, but not enough. Saturday I had a 4 hour nap and could have slept all the way through until morning, but made myself get up. I slept 7-8 hours. Sunday night, I slept 14 hours straight. Last night 11 hours.  I want to cry. I hate sleeping all the time and not having motivation for anything and just being overwhelmed because I'm tired.  

I'm not saying paleo does this, I've been eating a lot of junk. I'm just saying The Good Mood diet should hopefully nip it in the bud. 

For my FBI goal, I'm going to see what classes I need for a Bachelor's in Psychology and one in French. I've heard about this crazy plan where you test out of a degree. I am going to see if I can do it. Psychology or the second language is apparently my only hope to be at least a little competitive. Otherwise it is accounting and I'm not good at math. 

I've done my week 10 run today and I did a tabata workout with kettle bells. My booty is on fiya! I love it. 

I did some grocery shopping today so I'm already for the diet. My after workout lunch was a protein shake. Much tastier than I remembered. 

Running: 1/4 
Strength: 2/7 (I'm counting rest days so the math is easier for the 30 day challenge. Technically I'm on day 3 so I'll only have 29 days during this challenge) 
Yoga: 0/3
Diet: 1/7 (I'll have 2/3rd of today as the good mood diet, but I won't get the 5 must have foods so I'm not counting it. It is 4 must have things and I did get them all! Counted. I may still have a cheat meal on Sunday just so my day stays the same. We will see how rough this week is and where we go after the buddhist class. If I can find something to fit easily into the plan, I won't use it.)  

I'm going to use this link and this link for reward ideas. 

Week 1 rewards: C: a long, hot bath. B: C + going to bed early with a book. A: B + C + eyebrows waxed because "Daaammmmn, Gina." 

Half Elf, 28.6 lbs overweight, average height, voluptuous, low muscle mass, bad ass mother f*cker

 

Current Challenge  Fourth Challenge Third Challenge Second Challenge First Challenge  My Long List of Goals 

 

Level 5

 
STR: 5STA: 4, DEX: 7, CON: 9, WIS: 13CHA: 8

 

Weight Goal: 2/43.6

1%
1%

 

 â€œAnd the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom†-- Anaïs Nin

Website      Instagram 

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I didn't think I'd manage to get my breakfast in this morning. I woke up late and had to take my Grandma's neighbor to the chiropractor. Luckily, as I was eating my banana, I realized I could throw that in with some yogurt and flaxseed, add some stevia, grab half an english muffin and because my Uncle is my hero and had hard boiled eggs, I was good to go. 

When I got back I went for a jog and my legs are so sore. 

I really think if we are this sore there should be some immediate changes. It really is no wonder people are overweight because we have to go through weeks of such pain and watching what we eat for such little gains then eat bad for a week and it is all gone. 

Sigh. If I were to ever create a species of humans I would make it so if they worked out they looked great and if they didn't, the looked bad. That day. lol. 

I'm currently waiting on my tea to brew for my shake. This is the second attempt. I dumped my first attempt everywhere. I figure it is the universe giving me an opportunity to practice patience.  

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Half Elf, 28.6 lbs overweight, average height, voluptuous, low muscle mass, bad ass mother f*cker

 

Current Challenge  Fourth Challenge Third Challenge Second Challenge First Challenge  My Long List of Goals 

 

Level 5

 
STR: 5STA: 4, DEX: 7, CON: 9, WIS: 13CHA: 8

 

Weight Goal: 2/43.6

1%
1%

 

 â€œAnd the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom†-- Anaïs Nin

Website      Instagram 

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I really think if we are this sore there should be some immediate changes. It really is no wonder people are overweight because we have to go through weeks of such pain and watching what we eat for such little gains then eat bad for a week and it is all gone. 

I fully agree with you on this.  Everyday that I wake up in so much pain that I look like a 90 year old man shuffling his way down the hall and pass a mirror I think to myself 'why the F am I doing this again'.  But stay strong keep pushing and remember the little changes you do not notice are what everyone else sees first, then they will add up and you will eventually take note.

 

Great job on throwing together a great breakfast on the fly.  

 

What kind of tea are you brewing and why did the first pot have to be sacrificed to the drain?!?!

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“It’s the sensible, logical thing to do, of course, which is why we don’t do it.” -Tanis, Dragons of Autumn Twilight

"Hope is the denial of reality. It is the carrot dangled before the draft horse to keep him plodding along in a vain attempt to reach it." - Raistlin - Dragons of Autumn Twilight

Current Challenge

 

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So, using this college and this idea, theoretically I could get my second degree relatively fast. I'm not very good with the online classes, usually because I forget about them. However, using my new to-do app, maybe. I'll consider it. I probably couldn't finish it before the fall, but maybe. I do love accelerated courses. I really wish all of my gen eds could have been that way. Plus testing instead of writing 10 page or more papers, that's my kind of class. 

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Half Elf, 28.6 lbs overweight, average height, voluptuous, low muscle mass, bad ass mother f*cker

 

Current Challenge  Fourth Challenge Third Challenge Second Challenge First Challenge  My Long List of Goals 

 

Level 5

 
STR: 5STA: 4, DEX: 7, CON: 9, WIS: 13CHA: 8

 

Weight Goal: 2/43.6

1%
1%

 

 â€œAnd the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom†-- Anaïs Nin

Website      Instagram 

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:nightmare:  

Half Elf, 28.6 lbs overweight, average height, voluptuous, low muscle mass, bad ass mother f*cker

 

Current Challenge  Fourth Challenge Third Challenge Second Challenge First Challenge  My Long List of Goals 

 

Level 5

 
STR: 5STA: 4, DEX: 7, CON: 9, WIS: 13CHA: 8

 

Weight Goal: 2/43.6

1%
1%

 

 â€œAnd the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom†-- Anaïs Nin

Website      Instagram 

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I know there should be a gif party here, but it's not going to happen right now.  :pride:

Half Elf, 28.6 lbs overweight, average height, voluptuous, low muscle mass, bad ass mother f*cker

 

Current Challenge  Fourth Challenge Third Challenge Second Challenge First Challenge  My Long List of Goals 

 

Level 5

 
STR: 5STA: 4, DEX: 7, CON: 9, WIS: 13CHA: 8

 

Weight Goal: 2/43.6

1%
1%

 

 â€œAnd the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom†-- Anaïs Nin

Website      Instagram 

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I fully agree with you on this.  Everyday that I wake up in so much pain that I look like a 90 year old man shuffling his way down the hall and pass a mirror I think to myself 'why the F am I doing this again'.  But stay strong keep pushing and remember the little changes you do not notice are what everyone else sees first, then they will add up and you will eventually take note.

 

Great job on throwing together a great breakfast on the fly.  

 

What kind of tea are you brewing and why did the first pot have to be sacrificed to the drain?!?!

I know! I try to tell myself that knowing I'm stronger is just as good. 

It didn't go down the drain. I use my Grandma's blender (I got rid of mine when I was purging and didn't want to turn around and buy another), but she was napping in the adjoining livingroom. I didn't want to wake her so I took the blender out to the deck. The first outlet didn't work and the cord is ridiculously short. When I went to move the blender to the other outlet, I knocked the whole thing over.  *sigh. Oh well. I made another. I didn't get it in the 45 minute window after I worked out, but late is better than never. 

I use chai tea with milk and a little honey with vanilla protein powder and ice. Yum. Although tomorrow I may do a cashew butter, cocoa, and banana one.

Half Elf, 28.6 lbs overweight, average height, voluptuous, low muscle mass, bad ass mother f*cker

 

Current Challenge  Fourth Challenge Third Challenge Second Challenge First Challenge  My Long List of Goals 

 

Level 5

 
STR: 5STA: 4, DEX: 7, CON: 9, WIS: 13CHA: 8

 

Weight Goal: 2/43.6

1%
1%

 

 â€œAnd the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom†-- Anaïs Nin

Website      Instagram 

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I really think if we are this sore there should be some immediate changes. It really is no wonder people are overweight because we have to go through weeks of such pain and watching what we eat for such little gains then eat bad for a week and it is all gone. 

 

There are immediate changes..... tiny immediate changes. ;)  They add up.

 

One day you wake up with this new body and you're just like......... when did that happen?

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There are immediate changes..... tiny immediate changes. ;)  They add up.

 

One day you wake up with this new body and you're just like......... when did that happen?

I look forward to that day! Right now, I'll just focus on being able to walk/sit down/stand up properly. lol

  • Like 2

Half Elf, 28.6 lbs overweight, average height, voluptuous, low muscle mass, bad ass mother f*cker

 

Current Challenge  Fourth Challenge Third Challenge Second Challenge First Challenge  My Long List of Goals 

 

Level 5

 
STR: 5STA: 4, DEX: 7, CON: 9, WIS: 13CHA: 8

 

Weight Goal: 2/43.6

1%
1%

 

 â€œAnd the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom†-- Anaïs Nin

Website      Instagram 

Link to comment

Yesterday I did really well with getting all the food in except one fruit and I had 2.5 brownies. My Grandma made them and I walked in right when they were finished. The smell. 

Today, I did not eat all the food, had 1 brownie and forgot my flax seed. Here is what a day should look like:

Bread: 4
Fruit: 3
Milk: 3

Veg: 5
Very Lean Protein: 5
Lean Protein: 4
Medium Fat: 1
Fat: 5

Here's what I had:
Bread: 4
Fruit: 2
Milk: 2
Veg: 5
Very Lean Protein: I think 3, but I don't know. 
Medium Fat: 1 
Fat: I think 3

I tried so hard not to take a nap today, but I did. It was lovely. 

I am wondering if the sleepiness is depression. I am having a small existential crisis and for the first time in my life I have no idea what to do next. Normally I have a plan. Plans stop me from having anxiety. If I'm not an artist I really don't know what to do.  I just know I was driving down the road, thinking about what to do and getting more and more depressed and more and more sleepy.  I feel much better right now though. 

Yesterday I ran and today I walked 2 miles and did 1x50 and 1x20 kettlebell swings.  

It looks like my update from the other day is gone. 

Running: 2/4
Yoga: Currently 0/3, but I'm about to do it. 
Diet: 0/7 Although I'm doing really well, I'm just not perfect yet.
Kettlebells: 6/30

Half Elf, 28.6 lbs overweight, average height, voluptuous, low muscle mass, bad ass mother f*cker

 

Current Challenge  Fourth Challenge Third Challenge Second Challenge First Challenge  My Long List of Goals 

 

Level 5

 
STR: 5STA: 4, DEX: 7, CON: 9, WIS: 13CHA: 8

 

Weight Goal: 2/43.6

1%
1%

 

 â€œAnd the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom†-- Anaïs Nin

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I tried so hard not to take a nap today, but I did. It was lovely. 

I am wondering if the sleepiness is depression. I am having a small existential crisis and for the first time in my life I have no idea what to do next. Normally I have a plan. Plans stop me from having anxiety. If I'm not an artist I really don't know what to do.  I just know I was driving down the road, thinking about what to do and getting more and more depressed and more and more sleepy.  I feel much better right now though. 

 

 

 

Hey,

 

we always appreciate the fact that our body goes 130% in stress times and so on. When there is a deadline 4 hours of sleep will be enough.

We gladly use the extra time.

 

When we are more tired we immediatley have a problem to fix, right?

 

It can be a health issue or depression. It could be your body adapting to a diet change or fighting some virus or whatever. It can also be that your body needs some extra time to recover from training.

If you can afford some extra nap why not.  And please dont forget that worrying and thinking are quite energy consuming.

 

It is a good trait to be able to handle situations without a plan or after every plan failed. I actually like those situations...

 

How did the week go for you?

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Fate whispers to the warrior: "You cannot withstand the storm."

 The warrior whispers back:
 "
I am the storm."

 

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Hey,

 

we always appreciate the fact that our body goes 130% in stress times and so on. When there is a deadline 4 hours of sleep will be enough.

We gladly use the extra time.

 

When we are more tired we immediatley have a problem to fix, right?

 

It can be a health issue or depression. It could be your body adapting to a diet change or fighting some virus or whatever. It can also be that your body needs some extra time to recover from training.

If you can afford some extra nap why not.  And please dont forget that worrying and thinking are quite energy consuming.

 

It is a good trait to be able to handle situations without a plan or after every plan failed. I actually like those situations...

 

How did the week go for you?

lol yes, as soon as we are tired there is a problem!

 

It wouldn't be too bad except it has been going on for months and it isn't just a nap. It's 4 hour nap plus sleeping 10-12 hours.  

It's a bit hard to explain. I jump into things without a plan, but I like to at least know the direction I'm jumping. If that makes sense. I guess I pick a direction and just start moving. Normally, if there is an obstacle I can move around it, but I've just hit a time when there doesn't seem to be another path.  I'm not very anal about the plan, I just don't like feeling stuck. Maybe you can give me some advice for handling it? 

The week went okay, I'd have liked to have done better, but eh.  How was yours? 

Half Elf, 28.6 lbs overweight, average height, voluptuous, low muscle mass, bad ass mother f*cker

 

Current Challenge  Fourth Challenge Third Challenge Second Challenge First Challenge  My Long List of Goals 

 

Level 5

 
STR: 5STA: 4, DEX: 7, CON: 9, WIS: 13CHA: 8

 

Weight Goal: 2/43.6

1%
1%

 

 â€œAnd the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom†-- Anaïs Nin

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The diet slowly went down hill last week. 

I've discovered the local soda really helps the fatigue, but nothing else does. I have been off soda for over a year, but I allowed myself to have 2 last week. Almost no one drinks coffee here. It's Ski from the time you wake up to the time you go to bed. I was even taking caffeine pills to help last week and they did nothing. 

I am going to try to see a doctor this week. It may be tough because I have to get a new doctor. I love Obamacare, but because my PO box is in a different county, DHS says I live in that county so I must go to those doctors and my insurance coverage changed. It's awful now. How can one county be different from another?  Anyway, I'm going to get all the tests done and I'm going to see my therapist. I haven't seen him since December because I've been in Florida and who needs a therapist with all that sunshine? 

I actually thought I had a great plan, but realized it involved swing shifts. I don't think I could pull it off. My sleep pattern is very susceptible to changes so 2 weeks days and 1 night would be like torture for me. I tried to talk about it with my Uncle and he was like, "that's work." Sometimes my family really makes me mad because they have barely known me most of my life, but they treat me like I'm this lazy idiot who has never had 3 jobs at once or paid her rent since she was 16. My Uncle hasn't had a job in 10 years, but whatever.  

Anyway, I did not eat properly all week and it just got worse as the week went on. That's okay though. It is a new week. I haven't eaten properly yet today, but I will. I'm having a soda so I can have energy to go clean and do dishes. 

 

I also completely forgot about yoga Saturday and Sunday. I don't know how that happened. Although, we do about 20 minutes of stretching before meditating on Sundays so I'm counting it. 

Run: 3/4 
Diet: 0/7
Strength: 7/7 (or 8/30)
Yoga: 2/3

 

57% 

How awful. That is much worse than I thought. I guess because I did actually eat healthier than I normally would have, but am counting it like I didn't since I didn't follow the diet exactly. I could come up with a better system, but meh. I'll just try harder. I loved all the food I had on the diet. Part of it has to do with my mentality right now and part of it has to do with the fact that eating so much bread and dairy has me bloated so I look worse than I normally would.  

This week's rewards:
C reward: Hot bath, B reward: go to the shooting range next Thursday, A reward: The first season of Outlander. 

Half Elf, 28.6 lbs overweight, average height, voluptuous, low muscle mass, bad ass mother f*cker

 

Current Challenge  Fourth Challenge Third Challenge Second Challenge First Challenge  My Long List of Goals 

 

Level 5

 
STR: 5STA: 4, DEX: 7, CON: 9, WIS: 13CHA: 8

 

Weight Goal: 2/43.6

1%
1%

 

 â€œAnd the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom†-- Anaïs Nin

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TL;DR: Woot! Go Elisha, you're not a loser! Rawr

 

Okay, I've been thinking and reading a book on how to become a police officer. (Long story)

For several months, I have been looking at my life and realizing it looks like I'm a complete loser. This book just proves what I've been thinking. 

Now, I'm not. I know this. I have worked toward several large goals and gotten every one of them. I already lost 50 lbs once. However, I realize that people who don't know me, but just look at my life on paper will come to the conclusion I am a complete loser. This allows other people (like my Aunt and Step-Grandpa last fall) to manipulate situations so it appears that I am a worthless loser to outsiders and the outsiders easily fall for it. I'm not trying to beat myself up.

 

Even though I have done far braver/harder things than either one of them ever dared to do in their lifetimes and so far I've managed to do it without becoming an alcoholic or hateful.  Not to be mean or even demean what they've done, it's just the truth.  Aside from living on my own since I was 16, taking care of myself since I was 13, moving to Chicago without knowing a soul at 20, buying a house at 18,  graduating a very hard college when no one in my family before my generation had, rebuilding an RV with only 2 other people, traveling to other countries, putting myself in therapy at 17 because I realize I can choose a different way of living, and pretty much being brave enough to just honestly be who I am instead of denying it and making other people miserable or trying to force them to be someone other than who they are.  (I think the last one is absolutely the hardest and most important thing I've done. Being authentic is no damn joke and neither is allowing others to feel safe enough to be authentic with you.) I'm the only one out of me and my brothers to even finish high school let alone college. (Not that that makes them any less smart than me or that it even means anything other than I set certain goals and I accomplished them when the odds were against me. Frankly, I think they are smarter to avoid the debt.) Also, I alone am paying for that schooling and overcame so much to get that utterly worthless degree. Like multiple jobs at once, 2 hour commute each way, 16 hour days. Ridiculous stress that had me bawling myself to sleep every night for a semester and doing it all over the next day. I stood up to doctors and my family to fight for my Grandma and I got her back to healthy. I actually stopped people from just letting her die. I saved her life. (I don't give myself enough credit for this. At all. I completely minimize the enormity of this because it is something I didn't even consider not doing.)

And every one of those I did with every important person in my life telling me I was stupid. (Except my therapist who rocks. Well, the Grandma thing my little brother and my Uncle on my dad's side had my back too. Just want to give them credit.)  

I'm not trying to brag or make it seem like I'm so amazing. People do way harder things than that every day just to survive. 

I'm doing nothing more than reminding myself I have overcome obstacles, I am resilient. I do get up over and over and over again after being knocked down. Just because my family (or my own thoughts) say condescending things doesn't make it true. Not everyone needs to think I'm great or that I'm great all the time. Including myself. 

It just sucks that when looking at my life on paper no one can see the hard things I've had to overcome and I've allowed myself to look bad on paper.  i.e. moving a lot, living in an RV, not having a "real" job, having a lot of student loan debt.  Or whatever someone else wants to judge me for.  I'm 32 without a husband or kids or the ability to buy a house right now. A house I don't even really want anyway.  Some days it is hard always being judged because I am single. Yeah, I've had 3 guys want to marry me (not including crazy guys after 1 date), but I don't wear it on a t-shirt so the majority of people think I just can't land a man. As if that is the only thing worth doing. 

I don't want to have to nor will I wear it on a shirt that I moved in with my Grandma for a year so she would feel safe in her own home and not need to move into a nursing home. I even paid rent because she is a depression baby and always worried about money. I don't want to tell everyone I ever meet I was the only person besides my Grandma to visit my Grandpa once a week or more when he was on hospice and bring his favorite milkshake to him.  I don't think it is necessary to talk about how I dropped everything to take my step-grandpa who hates me most of the time to radiation treatment even though my Aunt was 1/4 mile away and I lived 5 hours away. And it was for 4 weeks.  I don't need thanks. I don't need acknowledgment. Especially since I always feel like these things aren't enough. I feel like this shit is basic family/human things that people should do for one another. I don't want to have to prove to complete strangers I'm a worthwhile person just because certain parts of my life don't fit the mold. And I know I "don't", but I don't want to ever be in the position again where I do actually have to. 

Off the top of my head I'm thanking God I never had a kid with my ex because he would have taken custody just to hurt me and I know he would have gotten it just because he looks amazing on paper and I don't.  Yet he is the type of person who would use a kid to hurt someone else. 

But like He-Man, I have the power.  

Starting tomorrow I will sign up for temp work and plan on staying at my Grandma's neighbor's for possibly the summer. (She says as long as I give her rides I can stay as long as I like, but I still offered rent and will continue to do so. I am just in her unused driveway with an extension cord to charge my electronics. I wish I didn't feel the need to justify this.) As soon as I start getting jobs, which could be awhile, I'm going to sign up with the gym I love and really get in shape. 
 

I'm going to pay off the very little debt I have that isn't my student loans. Thanks infected cyst and Illinois DHS for the $700 medical bill. Plus a few other things that are all me. 

I'm going to save up money to either get my RV back on the road or move someplace cool just because I'm single and I can. 

I'm going to run more 5ks for charities besides the one I ran almost 10 years ago and the one I signed up for, but couldn't run. I will finally sign up for Habitat For Humanity, which I've always wanted to do but haven't had the time or I moved too much. 

I will look good on paper so if I apply to the FBI or a police department I won't be rejected for something insignificant. I will also do it just for myself. Even if by the end of the summer I fall in love with painting again and can't imagine ever having another real job, I will still look damn good on paper. I will never allow someone to manipulate the truth about my integrity or my honesty ever again. Even if I live in an RV for the rest of my life. I will own land somewhere to say I own property. I will toe the line of our society just enough so people can't use anything against me. 

I will have "real" accomplishments to put on a resume. I will also learn how to put an accent on an e.

 

résumé

Okay, that is ridiculously overcomplicated. 

Now, if only I can find the energy somewhere for the rest. 


****I realize this should be filed under things I should save for my therapist. I also realize what I have planned probably doesn't sound like much, but it is a start. Baby steps. They do make more sense with the broader plan that I have, but I have to do these steps first.*****




 

 

 

 

 

Half Elf, 28.6 lbs overweight, average height, voluptuous, low muscle mass, bad ass mother f*cker

 

Current Challenge  Fourth Challenge Third Challenge Second Challenge First Challenge  My Long List of Goals 

 

Level 5

 
STR: 5STA: 4, DEX: 7, CON: 9, WIS: 13CHA: 8

 

Weight Goal: 2/43.6

1%
1%

 

 â€œAnd the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom†-- Anaïs Nin

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Okay, first things first:

Hugs are here, if you need them.

Venting is understandable, and actually healthy (science says so, feel free to argue ;))

You sound TOTALLY AWSOME! :D

Babysteps are the best way of getting things done, ever :)

Somewhere you wrote something about a doctor's appointment. Good. Get your iron, B12 etc, D vitamins, thyroid etc. checked, any or either of those might be the culpit. The reason of your never-ending fatigue. I lived like that for years (different, but connected reasons) and everybody said "you're getting older, it's stress etc.", I thought depression. But hey, the tiredness was making me depressed (not the other way around).

YOU CAN DO THIS :D

- and if you don't believe me, I've got a baby dragon by my side who agrees. You can't argue with baby dragons;)

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From the North, I am. Grammar applys here not.

Forest Elven Lightstalker Lv. 3

“Little by little, one travels farâ€.― J.R.R. Tolkien.


42%
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Okay, first things first:

Hugs are here, if you need them.

Venting is understandable, and actually healthy (science says so, feel free to argue ;))

You sound TOTALLY AWSOME! :D

Babysteps are the best way of getting things done, ever :)

Somewhere you wrote something about a doctor's appointment. Good. Get your iron, B12 etc, D vitamins, thyroid etc. checked, any or either of those might be the culprit. The reason of your never-ending fatigue. I lived like that for years (different, but connected reasons) and everybody said "you're getting older, it's stress etc.", I thought depression. But hey, the tiredness was making me depressed (not the other way around).

YOU CAN DO THIS :D

- and if you don't believe me, I've got a baby dragon by my side who agrees. You can't argue with baby dragons;)

Thank you. :D I was about to delete my post, but I'm going to leave it because baby dragons and science!

I've had blood tests and thyroid tests before and they always come back fine, but it's been about 5 years so I feel I need to try again. Thyroid problems and diabetes run in my family. 

I definitely understand how the tiredness could make you depressed. It's so frustrating wanting to be productive and being so tired. I'm glad you found answers. :D

 

 

 

  • Like 2

Half Elf, 28.6 lbs overweight, average height, voluptuous, low muscle mass, bad ass mother f*cker

 

Current Challenge  Fourth Challenge Third Challenge Second Challenge First Challenge  My Long List of Goals 

 

Level 5

 
STR: 5STA: 4, DEX: 7, CON: 9, WIS: 13CHA: 8

 

Weight Goal: 2/43.6

1%
1%

 

 â€œAnd the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom†-- Anaïs Nin

Website      Instagram 

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I don't think you're a loser.

 

Actually, I've always been kind of in awe of the fact that you live life on your own terms.

 

So, you know, perspective..............

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