First Steps

[spooky]

I struggle with severe depression and anxiety. My primary goal always is to make sure that neither prevents me from living my life. Mostly because I frequently feel worthless. Exercising has helped (along with medication and weekly cognitive-behavioral therapy), but I'm still working on overcoming some mental blocks.

 

Okay so.... goal time: 

 

main quest: to take care of myself: mind, body, and spirit. 

 

goal 1: exercise 30 minutes 3x per week

-escalated running c25K

grading: A= 3/3, B=2/3, C=1/3 F=0/3

 

goal 2: meditation, 10 minutes 5x per week 

grading : A= 5/5, B= 4/5, C= 3/5, D=2/5 F=0/5

 

goal 3: 2L of water a day

grading:  A= 2L, B= 1.5L, C= 1L, D=.5L, F=0L

 

other stuff:

 

Weekly schedule template

 

Monday: Pilates 

Tuesday:C25K 

Wednesday: Pilates 

Thursday: C25K (and Therapy)

Friday: yoga + walking

Saturday: C25K

Sunday: weight training 

 

Life quest: creative writing 3x per week (any amount even a sentence, progress is still progress) 

grading: grading: A= 3/3, B=2/3, C=1/3 F=0/3

 

Be mindful, be grateful, be present. 

[Jakkals]

Looking good.

 

I'm with you on the writing thing, one sentence is better than nothing.

 

I have to journal every day this challenge.

[Blaidd]

exercise releases endorphins so not surprised it's helping with the depression and anxiety

 

You might notice that someone has added a tag to your post.  This is not to box you into a corner but rather because your goals or lifestyle have links to the guild you've been tagged and we'd like to bring you to the attention of one of their guild ambassadors. These ambassadors will be able to offer you advice, encouragement and support on your goals.  You don't even have to wait around for them to come introduce themselves to you, you are more than welcome to pop into the Adventurers' board and introduce yourself to the guildies there. I am also around to answer any questions that you might have so do not hesitate to PM me.

 

Good Luck with your challenge

AB xx

[spooky]

Looking good.

 

I'm with you on the writing thing, one sentence is better than nothing.

 

I have to journal every day this challenge.

inertia is my worst enemy

[spooky]

exercise releases endorphins so not surprised it's helping with the depression and anxiety

 

 

Seriously it's so true. My mom told me this for years, but I persisted in thinking I was a special snowflake and it wouldn't work for me. I'm still a special snowflake but less stubborn about accepting help/advice. 

[spooky]

Day 1 Log

-exercise:

10 minutes of walking and 60 minutes of pilates

I really pushed myself in Pilates today. I was able to approach it more like meditating, where I gave each moment my full attention and effort. I had to run errands after but I'm proud of my effort. 

 

-Water: at 1.5L glasses, need two more before I go to bed. 

-finished the day at over 2L of water 

 

-Food intake:

opal apple with crunchy almond butter

1/2 banana

1 homemade vanilla cupcake without frosting (oops. I made these for a friend who had a rough weekend) 

2 string cheese

1 minneola tangelo

1 serving homemade pasta with vegetables

100 cal greek yogurt popsicle

 

-meditation: 

7 minutes morning

6 minutes afternoon 

15 minutes evening (the first two session were interrupted)

 

-writing: 

more than a sentence, achieved for today

[Crawdadr]

“Today is victory over yourself of yesterday; tomorrow is your victory over lesser men.†
― Miyamoto Musashi, A Book of Five Rings: The Classic Guide to Strategy

 

 

Today you already defeated the first enemy congratulations! There is no stopping you now!

[spooky]

Day 2! Day 1 went well, but Day 2 is my chance to rock C25K

so.... listy agenda thing:

-C25K

-Meditation

-Cooking (chicken, ground beef, freeze unused portions)

-Writing

-Water

 

started my day off with a delicious banana, strawberry, raspberry, mango, pineapple smoothie

[Jakkals]

Good. (insert thoughtful comment here.)

[spooky]

-C25K: Completed! Oof that was tough but I did it. 1/3 completed for the week.

-Meditation: 30 minutes completed. 2/5 completed for the week. 

-Cooking (chicken, ground beef, freeze unused portions) My next task! 

-Writing: 

-Water: 1.5L so far

[Jett]

Looking good so far. Keep it up.

[spooky]

Okay so cooking done and I'm exhausted. It's hard when you have to do all the clean up yourself. Making a mess is the fun part. I love cooking and I need to think about things that scare me as though they were cooking. To make them safe. 

 

So end of day log: 

 

Day 2

 

 -exercise: day 1 of C25K complete 

 

-Water:  working on liter #3, so A for the day   

 

-Food intake:

homemade smoothie (banana, mango, pineapple, stawberry, raspberry, yogurt, chia seeds)

1/2 carved turkey sandwich

1/4 cup sugar snap peas

1.5 bowls homemade shepherds pie

2x 100 cal greek yogurt popsicle

 

-meditation: 

30 minutes, 2/5 for the week 

 

-writing: 

will write at least one sentence before bed. (done. literally one sentence, but i will let that be enough as I'm exhausted from cooking all afternoon)

 

notes: I think meditating helped me maintain a more positive attitude throughout the day. I felt like I was able to do one thing and really focus on it. I want to remember that feeling. I am finding a larger space between impulse and action. I'd like to keep widening the gap. Also although I won't beat myself up about it, having two of a "low calorie" treat somewhat defeats the point. Oh well. On to the next. 

[Barfly]

having two of a "low calorie" treat somewhat defeats the point. Oh well. On to the next.

That's why I drink lite beer

(Jk, I don't drink lite beer)

[spooky]

Day 3 in progress. 

 

Exercise: 60 minutes pilates. Lots of stretching today, but also some good work. 

 

Water: 1.25 L down, .75 to go. 

 

Meditation: 30 minutes after coming home from pilates. 

 

Food: 

2 eggs w/ 1/4 cup sharp cheddar (mild cheddar horrifies me) 

2 minneola tangelos

3 kiwis

1/2 carved turkey sandwich

 

Writing: to be tackled. Luckily I have the rest of the afternoon free to devote to it. Currently working on short stories and an essay so overdue its not even funny. Essays are one thing I'm trying to think about like cooking. What are the ingredients for a successful essay? I've written literally hundreds of essays. I'm stuck mentally. But capable physically. It's fear. Plain and simple but never easy. 

[spooky]

 

Writing: to be tackled. Luckily I have the rest of the afternoon free to devote to it. Currently working on short stories and an essay so overdue its not even funny. Essays are one thing I'm trying to think about like cooking. What are the ingredients for a successful essay? I've written literally hundreds of essays. I'm stuck mentally. But capable physically. It's fear. Plain and simple but never easy. 

 On second thought the essay being two years overdue is actually pretty hilarious and not finding the humor actually makes it scarier. So i just need to open the word document and giggle for glory. 

[Jett]

How do you even get into a situation where an essay is 2 years overdue and still counts for anything? Seems like it should just count as a 0% and be out of your hair by now.

[spooky]

How do you even get into a situation where an essay is 2 years overdue and still counts for anything? Seems like it should just count as a 0% and be out of your hair by now.

 

Oh boy. During the last semester of my junior year I was going through crippling depression and anxiety where I wouldn't leave my room except maybe 10-15 minutes a day.

 

I really should have left school mid semester but I was stubborn and I tried to fix the problems there while my parents went through a financial meltdown at home. The financial stuff was also part of the problem. Knowing I probably wouldn't be able to go back for other reasons I couldn't control. 

 

I stuck out the semester the best I could but didn't make it to all of my classes and arranged to do all of the work I had missed at home during the summer then return in the fall. 

 

Before the first month of summer was up (before my birthday) my dad told me I wouldn't be able to go back b/c of the financial situation. Deep in debt. I tried financial aid, but did not get nearly enough aid to go back. Loans are not possible and are actually part of the problem. 

 

I have completed most of the work, got credit and good grades in two of the classes. I have several short essays to revise for one class, and one longer essay that also needs to be revised. The writing is roughly done.  I keep thinking I need to add more. I know I'm all hung up on imaginary problems. The gap between knowing and solving is wide. 

 

I don't know if I could financially justify taking extra credits when I go back because I didn't finish this work. 

 

After that melodramatic paragraph I will say I did do some work on my essay. Not enough to be done, but I have to start somewhere. 

[spooky]

Week 1 Mini-Challenge: 

 

Is your overall quest achievable (over a short or long period of time)?  Is it reasonable?

 

Over a long period of time yes. 

 

Do your 3 quests all build towards your main quest in little ways, or are you taking on too much? Do your quests have sub-quests or is it just one thing to focus on?

 

All three of my quests help me take care of myself. Mind and Body. So far it hasn't been an issue of getting these things done. I've looked forward to making progress every day. 

 

Are your main goals realistic? Can you scale them to smaller steps to fit your life better, even if it will make it take a little longer to achieve them?

Yes definitely. 

 

Are your goals able to be measured and tracked?  What will you use to track them?

The standards outlined in the first post of this challenge

 

How are you grading your goals?  Are they pass/fail (“every dayâ€, “not even once over the six weeksâ€)?  Is there a reward for the effort, or are you only grading yourself on whether or not you “lose the weight†or “run the distanceâ€?

 

Effort is factored into all the grades. I only fail when I do nothing. 

 

What is your plan for continuing/altering/grading those goals if you become ill or injured?

​If I am injured I will doing walking/yoga/stretching and continue drinking water, meditating, and writing. If ill I drink water, meditate, write. 

 

Did you take into consideration any special occasions (Labour Day, Independence Day, birthdays, anniversaries, etc) that may occur during the challenge?  What modifications do you need to build into your goals for those?

 

I can squeeze exercise into short segments. They will add up. If I fail, I forgive myself and try again. 

 

Do any of your main goals conflict with each other? Will one goal make it hard to do another?

 

No

 

Do you already have the time in your schedule to actually complete the goals you’ve set?  If not, what are you planning to do to make time for them?

 

Yes

 

Are you trying to build multiple habits, or is all your energy focused on your main quest?

 

All habits build the physical and emotional happiness aka the goal of the main quest. 

[Jett]

Hmm, I see! That actually sounds a lot like what my husband ended up having to do, although the circumstances vary slightly. (In his case, he switched to a different major after 2 years, talked a lot with the counselors to work out a plan that wouldn't extend his study time, since he couldn't afford it, and everyone thought things were worked out. 2 months after he walked for graduation, they called and said, "Whoops, we missed the state's minimum gen-ed requirements. How's about 10 credit hours of free online classes?")

 

I really, really understand what you went through with depression and not wanting to leave because of financial reasons. I had a similar circumstance, although for me, it was the depression that caused me to lose my scholarship, causing financial woes, etc. I made what I believe was the right decision by dropping out after 2 years, with only $4000 in debt. It would have been about $64000 in debt if I'd stayed for 2 more years, plus I really doubt I'd have survived the stress.

 

I remember struggling under homework loads, knowing they were late but I could still turn them in - had to turn them in - feeling shackled to the projects. The worst one was an art project that I turned in 2 weeks late. It was a greyscale painting of an ancient prison window, with sunlight slanting through the bars and the outlines of a cathedral just barely visible in the glare. The perspective is from inside the prison, with dark black stone walls framing the picture. I wrote an explanation on the back about how it was a metaphor, about how I felt trapped by the assignment, I had to finish it but I couldn't turn in something incomplete, etc. The teacher took pity on me and didn't count off for lateness. She said it was the best in the class of that round of assignments.

 

I managed to turn everything else for that class in on time, but not so for my writing class. After a while, I reached a point where I'd just turn in half-written essays, or let homework go by without even turning anything in. It was a bittersweet relief to see the 0% come up in the grade book. I knew I was tanking my grade and digging my GPA hole deeper and further from ever getting my scholarship back, but at least I didn't have to worry about writing those damn assignments anymore.

 

So um, all that to say, "I understand." The longer it goes on, the more you feel like you have to craft something perfect in order to make up for how late it is. From experience, I can say that incredible (self-inflicted) mental pressure is a HUGE obstical to being able to do anything with the project. The only way I know how to get around it is to say, "It's going to be crap," and just word-vomit out something terrible. It's easier to make corrections once the general shape of the essay already exists. And at some point, you just have to let it go and turn in what you have, even if it doesn't feel perfect.

[spooky]

Hmm, I see! That actually sounds a lot like what my husband ended up having to do, although the circumstances vary slightly. (In his case, he switched to a different major after 2 years, talked a lot with the counselors to work out a plan that wouldn't extend his study time, since he couldn't afford it, and everyone thought things were worked out. 2 months after he walked for graduation, they called and said, "Whoops, we missed the state's minimum gen-ed requirements. How's about 10 credit hours of free online classes?")

 

I really, really understand what you went through with depression and not wanting to leave because of financial reasons. I had a similar circumstance, although for me, it was the depression that caused me to lose my scholarship, causing financial woes, etc. I made what I believe was the right decision by dropping out after 2 years, with only $4000 in debt. It would have been about $64000 in debt if I'd stayed for 2 more years, plus I really doubt I'd have survived the stress.

 

I remember struggling under homework loads, knowing they were late but I could still turn them in - had to turn them in - feeling shackled to the projects. The worst one was an art project that I turned in 2 weeks late. It was a greyscale painting of an ancient prison window, with sunlight slanting through the bars and the outlines of a cathedral just barely visible in the glare. The perspective is from inside the prison, with dark black stone walls framing the picture. I wrote an explanation on the back about how it was a metaphor, about how I felt trapped by the assignment, I had to finish it but I couldn't turn in something incomplete, etc. The teacher took pity on me and didn't count off for lateness. She said it was the best in the class of that round of assignments.

 

I managed to turn everything else for that class in on time, but not so for my writing class. After a while, I reached a point where I'd just turn in half-written essays, or let homework go by without even turning anything in. It was a bittersweet relief to see the 0% come up in the grade book. I knew I was tanking my grade and digging my GPA hole deeper and further from ever getting my scholarship back, but at least I didn't have to worry about writing those damn assignments anymore.

 

So um, all that to say, "I understand." The longer it goes on, the more you feel like you have to craft something perfect in order to make up for how late it is. From experience, I can say that incredible (self-inflicted) mental pressure is a HUGE obstical to being able to do anything with the project. The only way I know how to get around it is to say, "It's going to be crap," and just word-vomit out something terrible. It's easier to make corrections once the general shape of the essay already exists. And at some point, you just have to let it go and turn in what you have, even if it doesn't feel perfect.

 

Thank you so much for this epic response. It really helps to know I'm not the only one who has dealt with this situation. It's hard because some of these were classes to fill major requirements.  That pressure got compounded during my last semester since I transferred mid sophomore year, requirements changed when I changed schools. 

 

I definitely have a perfectionist demon to slay. I've gotten better but I still have a ways to go. I try judge myself on two: Did I make the time, did I put in the effort. Sometimes fear keeps me from doing either. 

 

It does feel like a prison. I've changed a lot in the past two years but being stuck with these assignments can make it feel like I never left. The pressure is all self inflicted. You are right to say I just need to shoot for "good enough". I just need to get them done so I can move on with my life. The problem is remembering this in the face of all the imaginary fears that make me so scared I can't move.

[spooky]

needs more cats. 

 

[spooky]

Okay so recap for the day (so far). Early evening. 

exercise: 3/7 complete for the week

 

Water: 2+ L 3/7 complete for the week

 

meditation: 30 minutes 3/7 complete for the week (I am altering the challenge. the effects of meditating every day have been so beneficial I do not really want to miss a day. It doesn't have to be 30 minutes.)

 

Food: 

 

Food: 

2 eggs w/ 1/4 cup sharp cheddar 

2 minneola tangelos

3 kiwis

 

1/2 carved turkey sandwich

1 cup pineapple

4 petite ecolier dark chocolate cookies

romaine salad with chicken, almonds, cranberries, asiago, and homemade vinaigrette dressing. 

 

Writing: 

worked on an essay. wrote two sentences. Getting the ball rolling and overcoming some emotional inertia. 

 

Other: 

I felt happy almost all of today, even though there were things that did annoy me, I maintained a good mood. I'm very proud, and, well, happy to be happy on my own. 

[spooky]

Day 4

This challenge has been going really well. I feel happier than I have in a while. Like I finally have control of my life. Not control of others, just control of myself. 

 

Goals today:

-c25K workout #2

-meditation

-mindful eating

-2 L of water

-WRITING

-Therapy

[spooky]

early afternoon

 

 

Goals today:

-c25K workout #2

completed 2/3 for the week. This was definitely easier this time. 

 

-meditation

 

Completed. 40 minutes. 4/7 for the week. After the alarm brought me back to reality I realized Cosmo (the white cat) was purring on my chest   

 

-mindful eating: Good. I need to focus on slowing down when I eat. 

 

-2 L of water

1.5 L of water consumed. Running helps this goal a lot. 

 

-WRITING

Worked on essay 

 

-Therapy

leaving in an hour. 

 

notes: 

I fell into the trap of questioning my recent happiness (fatefully proclaimed this morning...). Then I asked myself if I would have felt good about all these changes last week. And next week. Answer is yes. Shut up mean voice. Going to enjoy delicious homemade sheppards pie. 

[Barfly]

Day 4

This challenge has been going really well. I feel happier than I have in a while. Like I finally have control of my life. Not control of others, just control of myself. 

 

Goals today:

-c25K workout #2

-meditation

-mindful eating

-2 L of water

-WRITING

-Therapy

 

The only person you CAN control is you