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nekopowah

Nekopowah sharpens her claws.

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I forgot to put in a little bit of a intro. 

I'm a 35 year old female who has been overweight her entire life. The lowest I've ever been (aside from childhood) was 215lbs about 2 years or so ago. Now I'm at 272 and very unhappy. I have been a gamer/geek since the age of 8 when my mom brought me home an Atari 2600 she picked up at a yard sale. Once I got my first Sega Genesis my love of art kicked in full swing and I started drawing everything game related. Nowadays my interests have slightly broadened (I no longer hiss at Nintendo things and do love them) and I have added sci fi, anime, comic books, novels, manga, and graphic novels to my collection of nerddom. Some of my fav things in the world are Batman (anything), Star Wars, Star Trek, Azumanga Daioh, Soul Eater, Final Fantasy XIV, any mmo really but I have a pure dislike for Blizzard games...and I have a love/hate relationship with Superman. 

 

As far as who I am, my love of games and such make up most of who I am as I'm a quiet black cat in the corner staring at everyone with big eyes until someone mentions something nerdy then my ears perk up and I slink over to listen.

 

Main Quest:

 

For my main quest, I would like to be 145lbs -or- a size 10. I say either or because I know myself and will want to add muscle if possible and I may weigh more with muscle on.

 

Quest 1;  Eat within my macros.

 

According to IIFYM, this is my formula:

 

                             CARBS   PROTEIN   FAT       FIBER     CALORIES

Grams per day       27.2       163.2         157.2      54 - 68    2176

GRAMS per meal   6.8 40.     8               39.3       14 - 17    544

 

I know when I get hungry/bored, so I figure 4 times a day would fit that. 8am, 11-noonish, 2pm and 5pm. The carbs are a little high for me, as I am afraid of them, so I will stay around this, possibly go up to 40 on a special day. I don't know what I"m going to do about vegetables as they are full of carbs but eating purely meat is expensive and as it is I don't know how I"m going to get that much fat or protein as I don't really eat that much.

 

Quest 2: Walk 4 times a week.

I have been walking 3 times a week lately, and after reading The Primal Blueprint, I have learned that I need to walk to get the fat off. So I have been trying to walk and keep my heart rate at 55% of my normal. Math is not good for me, but my resting rate is 69bpm, so +55% of that is around 106bpm. When I walk I get up to 130bpm, and when I add a sprint in I get 173bpm, so, going over can't hurt I guess.

 

Quest 3: Try to relax

I see life in 50 shades of depression. I go to work, see skinny beautiful women, get the "you're a piece of dung" look from them, get frustrated, decide to stay at my desk the whole day, get mad at the fact that I have to eat, go home and not draw/write/workout while I sit in front of my computer and drown myself in wine and whatever else is handy. 

If I am at the store the same thing applies. Basically any time I'm not in my house that applies. I know I need to quit doing that but it's difficult when you know you are the equivalent of a troll/dwarf mixture and trying to look decent is like putting makeup on a pile of poop. So I'm going to try to relax and not think about it. My doctor gave me hydroxyzine pamoate which takes the edge off and gets the Sith in my head to leave me be, so I'm going to try that for a while.

 

Stats:

To come

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Nekopowah,

I read your post with interest.  I am a newbie here, doing my first NF challenge to buck up my motivation, and I am also working on losing weight.  I found that I drink significantly less wine if I only buy really good wine.  I'm cheap, so there's no way that I am going to swill back a $40 bottle of wine without taking the time to enjoy it.  ;-)

 

Keep trying the make-up - there are TONS of threads in the women's section that talk about how to apply/products, etc.  Make-up is a skill -  - but I look much prettier now that I have learned how to do it.  I might have more than a hint or two of the orgre in me, but darn it, I can be a PRETTY ogress. 

 

Good luck - we can do this!

~Emerald_Dragonfly

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Q1: Eat within my macros.

 

So I didn't do the best today. This is what I ended up with:

1654 calories

fat: 111

Carbs: 53

Protein: 91

 

LOOK at those carbs. Oy. I find it hard to eat that much food to get to the 2176. I didn't even think I had that many carbs today either, but it must be the paleo chili recipe that I tried. I put the ingredients into MyFItnessPal and I think that's what caused me to go over. I have to figure out what else I can do to get my calorie intake, fat intake and protein intake up but have zero carbs without shoveling pounds of meat into my face. While I'd love to eat bacon all day, meat is expensive.  If I can figure out that perfect mix of what to eat that gives me the macros I want, I will eat nothing BUT that until I get the weight off. I'm going to try to spend the entire day tomorrow working on what food combination fits these macros and doesn't cost me $300 a week by myself.

 

Q2: Walk 4 times a week.

 

Today is not usually my walking day as I'm at home and don't get off until 6 but tomorrow-Friday will be those days.

 

Q3: Relax

I was at home and therefore I didn't get stressed out. This, like Q2, is a Tuesday-Friday thing when I have to show my exterior to the general public.

 

----------------

Hi Emerald_Dragonfly, welcome to NF from another newbie! I try to get the nice wine as well because I too am cheap. Sadly I can tell the difference between a cheap wine and an expensive one, and only really buy the expensive kind. My only exception is white wine of Barefoot, but I those wines are far too sweet for me sometimes. 

 

Every now and again, the moon will turn a bright blue and I stick some eyeshadow and lipstick on me. That's about all I do. I have tried to do makeup (and hair) via youtube vids, and yet I fail. So I just go without and look at others and wish. Oh well, thats what they make hoodies for, to use those hoods to cover up with.

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I think that you have made a grand start!

You are tracking, you are listening to your body, and your are working toward a goal - way to hit the road running! 

27 carbs is a low - but I think doable - target.  I don't have any advice there, except keep trying - you'll figure out what works for you.

 

I do have some thoughts on upping the fat - put butter on stuff. 

Like, a pat of butter on a hamburger (you can mix the butter with garlic or herbs if you are fancy).  Or a pat of butter on a steak.  Or a pat of butter on a chicken thigh.  Or a pat of butter on a pork chop. 

Also, stew meat is SUPER cheap - and you can cook a bangin low carb stew in the crockpot (and add butter to it if you need to when you eat it).  Eggs are also cheap - I have my own chickens, but before, I used regular store eggs - not perfect, but within the budget!  Scrambled eggs cooked in butter is an amazingly satisfying high protein meal.  If you can put a veg with it, even better.  So...I'm a fan of butter.  The fancy pastured kind when I can afford it, the regular kind when I can't.

 

It's not a quest of mine, but I walk often after work to de-stress.  So I will be walking tomorrow, too.   :-) 

 

~Emerald_Dragonfly

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what is your current daily carb and protein intake.  Have you thought about slowly adjusting those?

 

You might notice that someone has added a tag to your post.  This is not to box you into a corner but rather because your goals or lifestyle have links to the guild you've been tagged and we'd like to bring you to the attention of one of their guild ambassadors. These ambassadors will be able to offer you advice, encouragement and support on your goals.  You don't even have to wait around for them to come introduce themselves to you, you are more than welcome to pop into the Adventurers' board and introduce yourself to the guildies there. I am also around to answer any questions that you might have so do not hesitate to PM me.

 

Good Luck with your challenge

AB xx

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I can already tell that I need to adjust my macros. I'm having a really hard time getting down to below 20 carbs a day and I remember the last time I was in ketosis I felt terrible. I had a hard time keeping my electrolytes up and I don't think I should go that low but I do remember losing a lot of weight when I was that low so it's kind of a double edged sword. today I ended up getting around 60 carbohydrates which is just slightly above what should be classified as ketosis at 50 and I ended up at like 8 o'clock being starving and so I had some bacon and eggs which had no carbs in it so I ended up all right for the day. although I did not have any wine like I had planned on but I did actually go to the gym instead of walking in the woods because it was rainy and I didn't want to get my shoes wet.

There were some women in there and I had to ignore them with some YouTube videos of Neverwinter gameplay which distracted me anyway for a good 15 minutes as I walked my 3. 0 miles per hour.

I got through the entire day without having any snacks but I did have a little bit of a anxiety attack earlier during the day which made me feel like I was about to die and then when I got home around 6:30 I started feeling it again so I don't know what's going on with that. Usually something has to trigger it, which is quite possibly the fact that I'm going to ride my motorcycle to work tomorrow and I always feel anxiety when I ride my motorcycle to work. I don't even know what it is really that makes me so anxious I'm riding for a year and it's a bigger much more stable bike I just have always been anxious before I get on and after I get off. During the ride I'm perfectly fine but when I get off it...totally anxious the entire day. Oh well.

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It's 7:52am and the day is already shot. I haven't eaten anything but I went to go ride like I said I was, noticed my jacket was too small. It's already a 2x men's jacket because they don't make women's in my size. I'm trying so hard to walk into work after driving here in my car.

I weighed myself and I went up again. 274.5. How can I gain 2 pounds when I haven't done anything wrong?

It's going to be a long hard day if I can actually make it into work.

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Because the scale is a giant liar.  Seriously.  I was up 3 pounds this week, and there is no possible way that I gained 3 pounds of fat - so it's either muscle, water, or hormones.  The scale doesn't measure fat. 

 

I feel your discouragement, I am fighting it myself this week - I just keep telling myself that I am doing everything right, so the scale can go pound sand.  I have probably said that 15 times to myself this week.  It helps me.  Although I often include a four letter word in there - which helps a bit more.  

 

~Emerald_Dragonfly

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Because the scale is a giant liar.  Seriously.  I was up 3 pounds this week, and there is no possible way that I gained 3 pounds of fat - so it's either muscle, water, or hormones.  The scale doesn't measure fat. 

 

I feel your discouragement, I am fighting it myself this week - I just keep telling myself that I am doing everything right, so the scale can go pound sand.  I have probably said that 15 times to myself this week.  It helps me.  Although I often include a four letter word in there - which helps a bit more.  

 

~Emerald_Dragonfly

 

I know it's only been like 2 days or something but it's just so discouraging to look at it first thing in the morning. It's like a habit now or something. 

 

So yesterday I had the worst day ever. Got a migraine that got worse as the day went on, ended up having to leave at noon because my head was throbbing so badly, got home and I was tossing and turning and it didn't go away for 4 hours. Then, I bought these almond/cashew/pecan nut combo that I was going to snack on since I hadn't eaten at all that day, and got the WORST stomach pain I have had in like 2 years. So I was up until midnight dealing with that.

 

Ugh.

 

I remember saying that I wanted to find a website where I could put in my macros and it would generate food for me to eat based on that. Found it! https://www.eatthismuch.com/It's $9 a month with a 14 day free trial so I'm giving it a shot here, see if I like it.  There is also this: http://get.paleorestart.com/ which I may give a shot, it's $35 lifetime and hopefully will help if the other site doesn't work as I'd like.

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I am with you.  I think that I seriously need to stop getting on the scale every day.  It is a mental smack in the face when it is up.  I am a fairly positive person, but it gives me another hurdle to get over first thing in the morning, which is not helpful at all.  I actually might try to give up the daily weigh-in for the next 6 week challenge.  It seems goofy, but it is almost a compulsion to get on the scale. If I put it here that I won't, then I will have to live up to it. 

 

Because, really, why am I feeding that demon? 

 

Sucks about the migraine and stomach ache.  Start drinking water like someone is paying you - maybe that will help? 

 

Please let me know how the eaththismuch goes for you. 

 

~Emerald_Dragonfly

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Quest 1;  Eat within my macros.


 


I have increased my macros. I need to go back and edit the main post. But 27 is far too low for me right now. I am at 60 and I can and am holding quite well. Even on a "bad" day I got up to 63. The problem though is finding protein. In addition, I have learned that if I eat until I'm full I have no cravings...or at the very least can shrug them off. But if I am not full I have a hard time fighting them. SO I am going to have to rework my proportions to make sure I am full during the day.  I don't know if that's a good thing or not but we will see.


 


Quest 2: Walk 4 times a week.


I have faithfully been doing this. I even have decided to play more Kinect and I did 3 hours of yardwork on Saturday which made me sore so I decided since my muscles were worked, why not keep them working and added some bodyweight stuffs. Not much, just some.


 


Quest 3: Try to relax


.........................................working on it. I get so frustrated/angry at myself that it makes relaxing almost impossible. Last few days I have been so stressed/angry that I have had a hard time seeing straight, but in order to make myself relax, I have started getting back into my art and working on Photoshop techniques. This in turn has made my lower brain, let's call her Nichole, try to talk me out of it but I am determined.


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Determined is good! 

 

Way to go on the walking - that may also help with your relaxation.  I find a good walk helps me unwind. 

 

Have you ever tried yoga?   - maybe something like this to see if it helps?  I am not a yoga gal myself, although I may try it in the future - but a lot of people speak highly of it for stress relief, anger management, and all around good stuff.  Maybe? 

 

Congrats on the yard work and body weight stuff, too!  You are rockin' and rollin' with this challenge. 

 

Keep it up!

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I just realized I haven't posted in a while. I have been doing fine, not weighing myself but continuing with the walking and food macros. I have even gone so far as to add some bodyweight exercises, nothing special just some pushups and squats. I've been on vacation and thus have been relaxing. I haven't weighed myself, I haven't thought about my size, no stress. I even bought some new jeans and didn't care that I had to get a size 18 and wear a belt because the 16W were all gone.

I feel like I have lost weight but I don't know. Right now, I'm just satisfied that I'm feeling good.

I do wonder though, I have a hard time figuring out when I'm hungry. Usually I take the signal of drooling when I smell food but that whole stomach growling thing doesn't happen to me very often. I wonder if it's broken. I'll have to look this up.

oh and I don't have a yoga dvd nor have I tried it but I might go on YouTube and give it a shot.

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So I was doing great. Was being the word.
So I have a lot of pain on my side and I'm not sure what it is. I've had it for a long time but it's never been this bad. It gets worse as Aunt Flo comes around, so I went to the gyno and she said all was ok. I went to a "specialist" but all he wanted to do was open me up so now I'm at a loss.

I've been walking as much as I can and adding in some bodyweight exercises but it feels like I'm not moving. I haven't weighed myself as I'm afraid of what it will say. Needless to say I feel fat, gross, and unhappy right now. AS far as eating is concerned, I'm not doing anything crazy. Today I had half a tall skinny caramel macchiato (soy). I wanted something warm and relaxing but I know how bad it is so I just had half. I couldn't get out to walk today as my side is really killing me, its really hot to the touch and I know something in there is inflamed so I'm just relaxing a bit right now. 

Getting really frustrated at myself when I go and look in the mirror and it looks like my stomach is poking out MORE than it was when I started, and at the fact that I don't seem to be improving in the art department. I'm drawing a lot but I can't color at all and I'm not finding anything out there to help me get better. I got so frustrated at a piece last night I couldn't even look at it anymore and almost deleted it. I'm giving myself a break from that today as well. I did a sketch or two that I am prepping for color but I'm not looking forward to that debacle. 

Sunday will be the day that I weigh myself. Incoming depression I'm sure.

 

At least my foray into learning Japanese is going well.

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So I wanted to post something I've been thinking about. After my painful week a bit ago, I started walking again. I don't think at this point walking is going to do enough. I need to do cardio. I know there's not a lot of time left in this challenge but I'm offering up an additional plan to myself. I'm going to walk Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursdays, but I'm also going to add 15 to 30 minute cardio. Wednesday and Friday. Maybe Monday too depending. I started this already I also am keeping up with my calories and really keeping my carbs at 50 or below. I've gone down 3 pounds and I can feel it gone. I think it's really gone. So we will see how well this goes.

In addition, I'm fighting some body issues right now. I'm not sure how it started, could be anything really, lots of things tend to set my depression off but this time it's pretty bad and I'm really making an effort to fight it. I am hoping writing it here will be a good step in getting it out of my head before I get too far in.

Basically I'm angry at myself. I've stated before that I feel like a troll but trolls can be pretty. I feel much less than that. Much much less. I had a dream where I was in a college classroom and the professor made us line up by order of attraction. (This is normal for my dreams, I don't even have happy fantasies) I wanted to sit down but they made me be the starting point. I was so sad I woke up in tears. I think this may have been my trigger but ever since then, I've been comparing myself to every woman I see. Every single one. I know this is bad and I need to stop but man is it ever hard. Previously I would get so upset by this that I would just say effit and eat something bad. I refuse to do that. I don't know what to do about making the thoughts go away but I can't let myself eat to try to get better.

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"Previously I would...I refuse to do that." 

 

WIN!

 

Huge, monumental, ginormous win.

 

giphy.gif

 

We will always have (some type of) fight...it's only over if we give up.  You haven't given up - so...WIN!

Walking is good, cardio is good...yay!

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Thanks Emerald_Dragonfly. I did end up having a week moment yesterday and having 2 granola bars after my inhibitors were loosened due to too much wine, otherwise I've been watching everything. I think I have an issue with calories though as I have been going to bed hungry and trying to stay around 1400 calories. I put 2176 calories in my first post but my "eat as little as possible" mindset kicked in. So, I'm going to have to figure out how to add more calories without adding carbs or overdoing protein. At this point I'm eating 2 eggs, sausage and bacon for breakfast, a salad with 1 egg, bacon pieces, spinach and sometimes tomato and feta with Caesar dressing with olive oil and something as paleo as possible for dinner.

I'm trying to do this every day and so far the weekend is the only time when I have something "special" buy them I usually eat twice on the weekends anyway.

Not sure what I'm missing to make myself lose weight, I'm also walking and added some cardio. Quite frustrated.

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For those of us who have been trying to lose fat for a while - it's hard to think that maybe we aren't eating enough.  But if you aren't eating, it makes everything harder.  

 

When I did weight watchers (a decade ago), I was ALWAYS hungry.  With low carb, after the first 2 weeks was over, I am almost never hungry, even when I do intermittent fasting (often because of poor planning, not usually planned).  

 

I got rid of my scale (well, sort-of).  Maybe doing that will help you?  The mental game can be pretty brutal.  

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Hi Emerald! That's funny I was literally just thinking about you!

I decided not to use my scale at all. That's part of my quest by design. It's not going to do anything but make me angry and depressed, resulting in a downward spiral. As far as eating more, I'm forcing myself to get to 1800 calories a day, having a brand new grill helps out with that as I could eat pretty much anything if it was cooked over an open fire. I hadn't even thought of chicken breasts with just salt and pepper in ages but you stick that on a grill and I put 2 of them in my face happily.

 

So I made it through the entire 3 days without touching a doughnut. They ended up being all eaten by my boyfriend and I instead discovered fruit salad. Some grapes, apples, pears, peaches, strawberries and plums all chopped up. Had 1 small bowl once a day and it was great. I am afraid though with all the fruit it will halt my weight loss, but, it's better than a face full of doughnut.

 

One small step for man, one giant leap for cat-kind.

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