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Haku's depression battle


Haku

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Wow!  There is A LOT I've missed in a week.  I'm much too late checking it, but I like what I see!

 

I want to say how much I love your ideas for extra points!

PS - I'm a firm believer that a properly fitted bra does wonders for a woman!  

 

Good luck!   :frog:

 

Thank you, LT. :) I'm glad to hear you like it. The extra point system is something for me to finally get things done, really. It doesn't do anything much, but it's nice if I get to post some star gifs at the end of the challenge or something. n_n It's simply little things like that, like getting a sticker from your teacher in primary school, when you aced a test. Heehee! :3

 

And yes, properly fitted bras really do wonders... I just need to find one I feel comfi with for running, I guess. I'm not a good runner, but I'll try anyway. It'd be great to get a better condition, I'm pretty sure it'll make me feel more powerful in my own body. 

 

--------------------------

 

Week 2 - day 1 [counted]

 

Wake (7:30 - 9:30) - WIN

Fruit - WIN

Veggies - WIN

Water (min 1.5L) - WIN

Sleep (9:30 - 12:00) - WIN

If you don't shoot, you'll miss by default.

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Whoops, I missed yesterday's daily list of goals.. So I'll put them in today then. Yesterday was a veeeeery busy day. I went to school from 10 to 6. Then when I came back I did grocery shopping. A friend stayed over for dinner and we watched a film and in the evening I had a huge chat with a guy from the motorbike forum I subscribed at the day before yesterday. I went to sleep at half past 1, because the chat was so nice! And now I'm super tired, so I might take a nap today. Yesterday was exhausting and a lack of sleep doesn't help. Tonight I'll go riding with some other bikers from Breda, so that'll be fun, but I want to be awake for that.

 

Anyway, the goals.

 

Week 2 - day 2 [counted]

 

Wake (7:30 - 9:30) - WIN

Fruit - WIN

Veggies - WIN

Water (min 1.5L) - WIN

Sleep (9:30 - 12:00) - FAIL

 

Week 2 - day 3 [counted]

 

Wake (7:30 - 9:30) - WIN

Fruit - WIN

Veggies - WIN

Water (min 1.5L) - FAIL

Sleep (9:30 - 12:00) - WIN

If you don't shoot, you'll miss by default.

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Haku,

 

I'm catching up now after a busy few days, but your last few posts sound pretty....happy.  I hope that this is the start of an upward trend for you, even if it sometimes looks like this:

 

whatsuccesslookslike_demetrimartin.jpg

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Dantilla


Level 3? Bard/Assasssin,


Needs to update her skills


STR 5 | STA 2 | DEX 1 | CON 5 | WIS 7 | CHA 6


Trained Skills:


Perform:  1


Climb:  2


Current Challenge


 


 

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Haku,

 

I'm catching up now after a busy few days, but your last few posts sound pretty....happy.  I hope that this is the start of an upward trend for you, even if it sometimes looks like this:

 

[picture]

Aww, thank you. I hope so too. And yes, they sound kind of happy, don't they? I mean, I am really trying my best to see the positive things in life. Writing about it helps me with that. It's the one thing that I hold on to, to give myself hope and strength to continue my fight against depression. Even when I don't really feel like it, I'm still trying. I guess that's why they sound happy. Of course, when I really feel completely miserable, I'll post about that too.. But I don't seem to have extremely bad days this week. And that in itself is, again, a good thing. :)

 

The graph thing is veeeeery true. I know the way to success isn't always an easy one. I speak from experience. xD Haha! But that's okay. I don't expect myself to get everything right the first time although with my animations I get pretty damn close to getting it right the first time. Failure is okay... As long as you grab yourself together and continue working again. Which is what I'm doing with my depression. I have failed miserably at being happy and at being mentally healthy, in that way... But I am grabbing myself together and I'm trying to reach out for help. It's a start.

 

Today was even a pretty good day, if I may say so myself. I had my work placement and I felt fine working there the whole day. In the end I even lost track of time and worked 35 minutes extra! Whoops! But that's okay. I'm glad I could do that stuff. It means it will be easier tomorrow to start with what I was doing, because all the boring mindless tracing has been done already. 

 

But.. For the daily goals now:

 

Week 2 - day 4 [counted]

 

Wake (7:30 - 9:30) - WIN

Fruit - WIN

Veggies - WIN

Water (min 1.5L) - WIN

Sleep (9:30 - 12:00) - Miserable fail (friend came over and left when it was 1 in the morning)

 

I notice I drink more water when I mix it with a little bit of cordial. Simply because it has a flavour I like, I drink more of it. Of course with that bit of cordial comes extra sugar, but at least I manage to drink enough water that way. I think it's a good thing. And drinking more water means a better flow of getting rid of toxins... Or so I've heard. It also makes me eat a bit less.

If you don't shoot, you'll miss by default.

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Week 2 - day 5 [counted]


 


Wake (7:30 - 9:30) - WIN


Fruit - WIN


Veggies - WIN


Water (min 1.5L) - WIN


Sleep (9:30 - 12:00) - WIN


 


This weekend I won't be here. In the morning I'll go to my dad, in the afternoon to a friend and I'll stay over for the night. Sunday we'll tour on our motorbikes and in the afternoon I'll go back to my dad. Monday's King's day, so everything will be decorated orange and there will be games in the village centre and fireworks in the evening... Tuesday morning I have to go to the hospital for a lung function test and after that I go back to Breda and go to my work placement for the afternoon. So Tuesday evening is the earliest I can update again. Just so you know.


 


Everyone, enjoy your weekend! <3


If you don't shoot, you'll miss by default.

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Week 2 - day 7 [counted]


 


Wake (7:30 - 9:30) - FAIL


Fruit - FAIL


Veggies - WIN


Water (min 1.5L) - WIN


Sleep (9:30 - 12:00) - WIN


 


Made a little tour by motorbike with Tim. He on his and I on mine. It was great fun. In the evening I was at my dad's again and I took a bath with aloe vera bath foam. It was wonderful!


 


Week 3 - day 1 [counted]


 


Wake (7:30 - 9:30) - WIN


Fruit - WIN


Veggies - WIN


Water (min 1.5L) - FAIL


 


Sleep (9:30 - 12:00) - WIN


 


Kingsday in the Netherlands. I've been relaxing in the sun, cleaned my bike a bit and sprayed the chain so it's ready for another 300km. I also worked in the garden with my dad. In the evening I watched a documentary about the 2nd world war with my dad, which was really interesting, but kind of heavy too... D: Lots of dead bodies were filmed and they showed that in the docu. *shiver All the piles of bodies... Half heads because people got a granade in their face... Thin and starving people, barely alive... I've never seen anything like it, because I'm generally not very interested in war-stuff, but this documentary was truly interesting and it was very heavy to watch.


 


Week 3 - day 2 [counted]


 


Wake (7:30 - 9:30) - WIN


Fruit - FAIL


Veggies - WIN


Water (min 1.5L) - WIN


Sleep (9:30 - 12:00) - FAIL


 


Went to the hospital for a lung function test. It all went well and showed that there's improvement with my lungs. The lung doctor said I have a very severe form of asthma, apparently... I don't notice much about it, but it was much better now because of the medicine, so that's cool. There's still a chance I'll grow over it. In the evening I made sushi with Daan (a friend from Motor Forum) and we rode on my motorbike together. It's a 1 person bike, really, because with every bump the number plate scratches the rear tire, but if he stood up with every bump it didn't do that, so that was cool. We made a little tour before making sushi. It was so nice, that evening, that time flew by and all of a sudden it was past 12 o'clock. Whoops. xD


 


Week 3 - day 3 [counted]


 


Wake (7:30 - 9:30) - WIN


Fruit - WIN


Veggies - WIN


Water (min 1.5L) - WIN


Sleep (9:30 - 12:00) - WIN


 


Today's a proper day at my work placement again. I'm pretty tired, but I guess that's part of life. I'll simply continue working hard. :)


If you don't shoot, you'll miss by default.

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Week 3 - day 4 [counted]


 


Wake (7:30 - 9:30) - WIN


Fruit - WIN


Veggies - FAIL


Water (min 1.5L) - WIN


Sleep (9:30 - 12:00) - FAIL


 


I... Made a drawing again today. It was a €5 commission that kind of became more detailed than it's supposed to be. xD Whoops! Anyway, I had fun working on it. I hope you all like it too.


 


1430411169.hakuwolf_2015-04-30_wettfox_c


If you don't shoot, you'll miss by default.

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Made another drawing and because of this drawing it's way past bed time now... But at least I finished it, which

means I earned another €5. Yes,I know, this is too low of a price for this piece of art... I originally just offered a

simply chibi, but then I started shading and making backgrounds. >.> It just happened. 

 

Anywhooooo.... This is the last thing I do. Now I'll go and brush my teeth and get in bed. Night night everyone!

 

1430432055.hakuwolf_2015-04-30_voltorn_c

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If you don't shoot, you'll miss by default.

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Can't see the pictures :(

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Week 3 - day 5 [counted]


 


Wake (7:30 - 9:30) - WIN


Fruit - WIN


Veggies - WIN


Water (min 1.5L) - WIN


Sleep (9:30 - 12:00) - EPIC FAIL!!! I went to bed around 4AM. x'D Friends stayed over till around 3AM and then I had an hour to myself online, before I'd go to sleep.


 


Week 3 - day 6 [counted]


 


Wake (7:30 - 9:30) - FAIL, because of going to bed way too late. xD


Fruit - WIN


Veggies - WIN


Water (min 1.5L) - WIN


Sleep (9:30 - 12:00) - FAIL


 


I bought Ori and the Blind Forest today! :D I'm curious to play it, but maybe I'll wait till tomorrow, so I will have the whole day to play, instead of a broken evening, because of a Skype session in the middle of the evening.


If you don't shoot, you'll miss by default.

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Week 3 - day 7 [counted]


 


Wake (7:30 - 9:30) - EPIC FAIL


Fruit - FAIL


Veggies - FAIL


Water (min 1.5L) - WIN


Sleep (9:30 - 12:00) - WIN


 


Yesterday I went out riding on my motorbike with a friend to have a tea party at some kind of lake in the middle of the night... It was great fun, but also weird, because this older gay guy came over to us and we started talking and he tried so hard to appear straight and he probably was there for sex, because some other guy walked onto the grass too and was looking around... Probably searching for that guy. Anyway, it was pretty funny. And then we rode around some more and it was half past 3 that I slept. Today I only woke up at around 2 o'clock, so I slept veeeeeery long. I guess I needed it. But because of the way this day went I've lost my veggie/fruit goals too. D: Pity. But coming week I'll do better again. I promise!


 


Oh, and playing Ori didn't happen. Today went different. I had great fun meeting up with friends as a spontaneous little event. n_n But that meant no game playing. Oh well... Maybe later this week. :3


If you don't shoot, you'll miss by default.

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Week 3 - day 7

 

Wake (7:30 - 9:30) - EPIC FAIL

Fruit - FAIL

Veggies - FAIL

Water (min 1.5L) - WIN

Sleep (9:30 - 12:00) - 

 

Yesterday I went out riding on my motorbike with a friend to have a tea party at some kind of lake in the middle of the night... It was great fun, but also weird, because this older gay guy came over to us and we started talking and he tried so hard to appear straight and he probably was there for sex, because some other guy walked onto the grass too and was looking around... Probably searching for that guy. Anyway, it was pretty funny. And then we rode around some more and it was half past 3 that I slept. Today I only woke up at around 2 o'clock, so I slept veeeeeery long. I guess I needed it. But because of the way this day went I've lost my veggie/fruit goals too. D: Pity. But coming week I'll do better again. I promise!

 

Oh, and playing Ori didn't happen. Today went different. I had great fun meeting up with friends as a spontaneous little event. n_n But that meant no game playing. Oh well... Maybe later this week. :3

 

 

https://youtu.be/vJfWdrxfMXA?t=1m20s

(It's a very related scene from Winnie the Pooh)

 

Hmm... your veggie goal? Why has it not went as well as you would have liked?

Would cutting vegetables ready into a cup, and eat during the day as a snack help?

What veggies do you like/can eat?

 

Analyse, adapt, and go at it again. You can do it! :love_heart:

"There is beauty in hardship / There are poems in grief" -Assemblage 23, Damaged

| STR:2.25 | DEX:2.25 | STA:2 | CON:1.25 | CHA:3.25 | WIS:7 | A place I will collect my woots - if I remember

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It is amazing the power of those small gestures of love and kindness have on our lives. <3 - Liberator

"I myself am made entirely of flaws, stiched together with good intentions." - Augusten Burroughs, Magical thinking:True stories

"Pick up the pieces and keep going, one painfully slow step at a time." Hiraedd the twice-risen, hamadryad. 

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"That's it! Now go make something beautiful." -Jake Parker

 

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https://youtu.be/vJfWdrxfMXA?t=1m20s

(It's a very related scene from Winnie the Pooh)

 

Hmm... your veggie goal? Why has it not went as well as you would have liked?

Would cutting vegetables ready into a cup, and eat during the day as a snack help?

What veggies do you like/can eat?

 

Analyse, adapt, and go at it again. You can do it! :love_heart:

Hahaha, such a brave thing to do! x'D Very nice. 

 

I just felt really bad that I didn't eat vegetables last Sunday. I'm not the best with eating veggies, although now that I have it in my challenge I think about it and I do eat them... I mainly like cucumber, carrots, tomatoes, I like spinach in pancakes and green smoothies, I like lettuce, champignons and most other kinds of mushrooms... Uhhh... I like beetroot a lot. So there's quite a few vegetables that I like, it's just that I find it boring to prepare them, I forget to prepare them, or I remember to prepare them too late, when I don't have time anymore. *sigh* Usually I indeed have my veggies as a snack, or with dinner.

 

But like I said, this week's going to be better. n_n I'll try a bit harder with the vegetable and fruit thing. And with the sleep, because my sleeping pattern has been messed up since last weekend. xD Because of all those silly (but fun) things I did. But as you can see from my daily goals today, I already have a good start and it's only 14:30h here! :D

 

Week 4 - day 1 [counted]

 

Wake (7:30 - 9:30) -WIN

Fruit - WIN

Veggies - WIN

Water (min 1.5L) - WIN

Sleep (9:30 - 12:00) - FAIL

If you don't shoot, you'll miss by default.

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Week 4 - day 2 [counted]


 


Wake (7:30 - 9:30) - FAIL


Fruit - WIN


Veggies - WIN


Water (min 1.5L) - WIN


Sleep (9:30 - 12:00) - WIN


 


I am not a very smart person. Yesterday evening I invited a friend to come over and eat pear icecream and so he did... But then it got very late and we both forgot the time and all of a sudden it was 3:30 in the morning. *sigh* And so it happened that I only went to sleep at quarter to 4. And I just woke up and it's too late again. I have a free day today, so that's cool, but dear oh dear... With this guy these things keep happening. I simply forget about time. Next time I'm putting an alarm and I'll bonjour him out of the door (worst Dutch saying translation ever!) and finally go to sleep in time. xD


If you don't shoot, you'll miss by default.

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One of the things that I learned from prior battles with depression is that sleep is one of the 3 legs that my treatment plan rested upon. When you don't get enough sleep, it really affects your mood.

 

Pear flavored ice cream sounds delicious. We don't have enough pear-flavored things in the States.

Level 2 Human Druid

3.375 STR / 1.375 DEX / 0 STA / 2 CON / 3.75 WIS / 1 CHA

 

"Look deep into nature, and then you will understand everything better." - Albert Einstein

"In the depth of winter I finally learned that there was within me an invincible summer." - Albert Camus

"There is nothing in a caterpillar that tells you it's going to be a butterfly." - R. Buckminster Fuller

Introduction - Daily Battle Log - Challenges 1 - Current

 

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One of the things that I learned from prior battles with depression is that sleep is one of the 3 legs that my treatment plan rested upon. When you don't get enough sleep, it really affects your mood.

 

Pear flavored ice cream sounds delicious. We don't have enough pear-flavored things in the States.

I know sleep is very important when it comes to depression. That's exactly why I put it in my challenge. But what's happening is that I met a few people online and one of them (Daan) I've been meeting up with regularly already. But it's always so much fun talking to each other that it gets really late, because we forget about the time. x'D Hahaha! Whoops! At least it's something fun that's happening, but it's true that I should pay attention to it more. I should choose for myself. But for some reason these meetups (also with the other people from that group) have been giving me a bit of mental energy. Yes, I'm still too tired to do stuff, but all the heavy thoughts kind of seem to have lessened. At least for now.

 

And yes, pear flavoured icecream is the best! It's not really cream. We call them water ice, because it's technically just frozen water with a flavour. Haha! It's probably easy to make it yourself. I think they even put real pear in there, since the texture is a bit pear-ish. There's probably also some extra sugar in there, to make it extra sweet... But it's really nice! I think if you blend pear, mix it with water and a bit of extra sugar, until it's all one nice mixture, you pour that in a plastic cup and put a stick in that, put that whole thing in the freezer for a day or so, you'll have your own pear icecream! I really want to try and make it myself, see if it actually works that way. This is only a theory, but I think it might work. :D

If you don't shoot, you'll miss by default.

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I just felt really bad that I didn't eat vegetables last Sunday. I'm not the best with eating veggies, although now that I have it in my challenge I think about it and I do eat them... I mainly like cucumber, carrots, tomatoes, I like spinach in pancakes and green smoothies, I like lettuce, champignons and most other kinds of mushrooms... Uhhh... I like beetroot a lot. So there's quite a few vegetables that I like, it's just that I find it boring to prepare them, I forget to prepare them, or I remember to prepare them too late, when I don't have time anymore. *sigh* Usually I indeed have my veggies as a snack, or with dinner.

 

I can relate to this so much. I've lost count of how many times I had a vegetable-related goal in my challenges and completely failed at it, for the same reason you mentioned: I hate preparing them. It's boring, and I always procrastinated on it...and then never did it.

 

This challenge isn't the same, though. I'm actually eating way more vegetables now, and all I changed was the way in which I approached the vegetables goal. Instead of having a goal stating that I have to eat a certain amount of vegetables per day, I made a goal of having just one salad per day. It feels like it's easier because it's just one thing, as opposed to many. I still have to cut up a lot of veggies to put into the salad, though, but it doesn't feel like it's as much work XD Some tools can help, too, like salad scissors, slap-choppers, etc.

 

The best thing about this is that it gets me used to cutting the vegetables, and I'm starting to become less reluctant to prepare them in general :o I guess I just had to start with baby steps?

 

If you're having trouble with the veggies, maybe try to combine all the veggie preparation into one single thing, so it feels like it's less work.

 

Just make sure you don't use an unripe avocado, because those are a lot of work. And rage.

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If you're having trouble with the veggies, maybe try to combine all the veggie preparation into one single thing, so it feels like it's less work.

Thanks for the great tip, Nax. :) It would certainly work that way. I don't have a specific amount of vegetables for each day... It's just that I have to make sure to at least eat a little bit of vegetables. It doesn't matter if it's just one slice of cucumber or something, but it's mostly to keep myself to thinking about having to eat it... If I have to remember it every single day, in the end it'll become easier to plan ahead. It's just that I tend to forget, or not feel like it. This way I'm kind of forcing myself. I find it hard, but it's mostly trying to break a bad habit... That's what makes it so hard. xD 

 

As soon as I start giving a set amount of veggies I have to eat per day, I will keep this in mind, though, because this is honestly a pro-tip! :D

If you don't shoot, you'll miss by default.

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I've forgotten to update here for quite a while. Things didn't go so well... Wednesday and Thursday I had horrible days. Depression kicked in HARD!!! So I stayed at home, cried, did nothing.. On Thursday I got so angry at myself for having a depression and not being able to do anything, that I subscribed myself at PsyQ, a psychological help thingy where they have psychotherapists, so they'll contact me soon. The rage actually have me a huge amount of energy and when I signed myself up there I started doing my household like crazy. I did so incredibly much that day and everything was clean and neat again... It cleared my head a lot and Friday I had a good day again at school. This weekend has been amazing too. I did very strange random things, which gave me energy. I guess spontaneously doing stuff is a good thing. Unfortunately it messed up my sleeping pattern, but it was worth it. I actually feel pretty good as I'm typing this and I have good hope for coming week. 


 


Week 4 - day 3 [counted]


 


Wake (7:30 - 9:30) - WIN


Fruit - WIN


Veggies - WIN


Water (min 1.5L) - WIN


Sleep (9:30 - 12:00) - WIN


 


Week 4 - day 4 [counted]


 


Wake (7:30 - 9:30) - WIN


Fruit - WIN


Veggies - WIN


Water (min 1.5L) - WIN


Sleep (9:30 - 12:00) - WIN


 


Week 4 - day 5 [counted]


 


Wake (7:30 - 9:30) - WIN


Fruit - WIN


Veggies - WIN


Water (min 1.5L) - WIN


Sleep (9:30 - 12:00) - FAIL


 


Week 4 - day 6 [counted]


 


Wake (7:30 - 9:30) - FAIL


Fruit - FAIL


Veggies - FAIL


Water (min 1.5L) - WIN


Sleep (9:30 - 12:00) - FAIL


 


Week 4 - day 7 [counted]


 


Wake (7:30 - 9:30) - FAIL


Fruit - WIN


Veggies - WIN


Water (min 1.5L) - WIN


Sleep (9:30 - 12:00) - WIN


 


I will update again later, to tell you about my awesome weekend... Which was awesome. Hahaha! But now it's time to go to sleep. Tomorrow's another work day. Cheers! :3


If you don't shoot, you'll miss by default.

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Week 5 - day 2


 


Wake (7:30 - 9:30) - WIN


Fruit - FAIL


Veggies - WIN


Water (min 1.5L) - WIN


Sleep (9:30 - 12:00) - WIN


 


Week 5 - day 3


 


Wake (7:30 - 9:30) - WIN


Fruit - WIN


Veggies - WIN


Water (min 1.5L) - WIN


Sleep (9:30 - 12:00) - WIN


 


I found a video on YouTube when I was looking for cello music (I'm thinking about maybe taking cello lessons one day, because I really like cello's) and I came to this video from the Piano Guys... It starts with a wonderful quote and I just wanted to share that with you.


 


Don't only practice your art, but force your way into its Secrets, for it and knowledge can raise men to the Divine.


                                                                                                                                           - Ludwig von Beethoven


 


I really like this, I think this must've been a motivation for him to continue his art and it's probably the motivation for many other people to continue their art. Isn't it exciting to explore your art's secrets? Just the idea of it, it's like a little adventure. It makes me excited about animation, about drawing, about making my very own art. And it gives me a warm feeling around my heart. I get curious because of this, which is probably exactly the feeling Beethoven wanted to give people with that quote. And I hope it'll do the same for you. Be curious in life, explore what you can, master your art yet still wonder...


 


And now the video where I got it from, to share some music with you too. n_n


 



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If you don't shoot, you'll miss by default.

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Week 5 - day 4


 


Wake (7:30 - 9:30) - WIN


Fruit - WIN


Veggies - WIN


Water (min 1.5L) - WIN


Sleep (9:30 - 12:00) - FAIL


 


I couldn't sleep, because I got the bad news that my grandpa was in the hospital. He fell and has 3 broken ribs, of which one pierced his lung. He has a huge bruise on his right side, which is almost black! That's how bad it is! He was really bad and my uncle asked my mum to come over from Denmark and my aunt to come over from Australia, because he wasn't sure what was going to happen. So everyone gathered in the Netherlands, I went there too... But obviously I couldn't sleep from this news, because my plan was to go to my grandpa on Friday for a surprise visit and to bring spekkoek and rose syrup, which are typical Indonesian things. It is stuff from his childhood, because he was born and raised in Papua New Guinea.


 


Week 5 - day 5


 


Wake (7:30 - 9:30) - WIN


Fruit - WIN


Veggies - WIN


Water (min 1.5L) - WIN


Sleep (9:30 - 12:00) - FAIL


 


I went to my grandpa Friday evening. I waited for my mum to return from Denmark, but got a call from my uncle that things weren't going well at all and that my grandpa was incredibly restless and panicking. I'd meet up with my mum at my grandpa's house, but I called her a million times (she didn't pick up the phone, but eventually did) and told her she needed to go to the hospital right away and that I'd meet her there. My grandpa looked so grey and horrible when I arrived. My mum indeed found him panicking with 6 people around his bed to keep him in bed, because he wanted to leave. He's 90 years old, has Alzheimer (a little bit) and was drugged with morphine. This doesn't go well together, because morphine already makes you hallucinate, but having Alzheimer together with that makes it even worse. Anyway, my mum calmed him down and we stayed there for 2 hours or so. He was in a very deep sleep and kept moaning in his sleep. Probably from the pain or the hallucinations. In the evening we went back to my grandpa's place, had Chinese food and my uncle came back too. He had left to go to his GF, because he knew my mum would arrive that evening, but since stuff was going so badly he didn't feel very reassured and so came over too. 


 


That night, I barely slept. I think I've slept for 2 hours... Maybe 2.5 hours. So obviously the waking time of Saturday is messed up too, because I was awake much earlier than I was supposed to be.


 


Week 5 - day 6


 


Wake (7:30 - 9:30) - FAIL


Fruit - WIN


Veggies - WIN


Water (min 1.5L) - WIN


Sleep (9:30 - 12:00) - WIN


 


The night between Friday and Saturday was not only a rough night, because I could barely sleep... My uncle got called by the hospital, saying my grandpa was being restless again and trying to escape, so they asked if they could bind him to the bed, so he wouldn't pull out all the tubes... My uncle said they could and he immediately came over to calm my grandpa down. Mum and I were still lying in bed, but both feeling restless. My uncle stayed in the hospital for the night, so he could be with grandpa if he would be panicking again. Early in the morning mum and I went to the airport to pick up my aunt from Australia. We went home to drop her stuff (and so I could get my motorbike) and then we drove to the hospital again, where we stayed for a very long time. 


 


Fortunately things were going better. The morphine had stopped, because my grandpa got so restless because of it, so they started using a different kind of painkiller. When we arrived, he was awake and had a bit more colour in his face again. He did fall asleep a lot and was still obviously drugged, but at least he recognised us and said he was so happy that we were there. Oh, how I love my grandpa. Anyway, in the end the drain was removed from his lungs that day. It was a drain that would lead away the air between the lungs and the lung-bag (or whatever it's called in English, it's the membrane around the lungs, like a bag) and possible wound fluids. But grandpa was able to breathe again by himself. He was also moved from the MC (medium care) to a regular care wing. This move confused him a lot and he thought he was somewhere abroad... In France or Switzerland. Whoops! In the afternoon I went to my dad and we watched a film in the evening (Schindler's List, it's an amazing film about what Schindler did in WW2 and it's very exciting! It's built up like a fiction film, but they really stick to the facts) and I was so glad when I could go to bed.


 


Week 5 - day 7


 


Wake (7:30 - 9:30) - FAIL


Fruit - FAIL


Veggies - FAIL


Water (min 1.5L) - WIN


Sleep (9:30 - 12:00) - FAIL


 


And so we are at today again... Obviously I failed the waking goal, because I had to catch up with some sleep. I slept 11 hours last night, to compensate for those 2 hours of sleep earlier, but I'm still tired.


 


I got a picture of my grandpa in the WhatsApp group of my family, where we discuss all the matters that concern grandpa. He was sitting at a table, eating food!!! Holy moly! So he's allowed to go out of bed again. It's good that he sits up straight, because it will allow his broken ribs and lungs to get back into place. It's great that things are going better again, but he still needs to be watched a lot and he's still incredibly confused. Since he's such an old guy already (90 years is an amazing long time to live!) the chance that he'll still die from this is big... Because of that I have trouble staying calm. I can do my own stuff, but my thoughts go out to my grandpa, who is trying so hard to survive. Of course I hope he'll get better, but yah... A lot can happen. 


 


In the mean time I'm trying to focus on school (wonder if it'll work) and I draw and I ride my motorbike and meet up with friends... I'm trying to take my thoughts away from this heavy situation with my grandpa, but it's hard. I feel these may be the last weeks of his life. *sigh* It's hard to see this stuff happen.


 


---------------------------------


 


TL;DR


 


Grandpa broke 3 ribs and one of them pierced his lung. He's in the hospital and was in critical condition, but things are going better again. Still I'm afraid he might die from this. My mum and aunt came over from abroad (where they live) so they can be with grandpa. Because of this situation I missed quite a few sleep-goals. 


If you don't shoot, you'll miss by default.

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