Gobnait lies face-down in a ditch

[Gobnait]

I was going to sit this challenge out because we were supposed to be on a space-a flight to England by now, and my internet access was spotty last time I went.  Instead, in another shining example of my husband's command's abusively neglectful disregard for his welfare, they told him that he didn't need any paperwork to leave the country, then at the last minute they tell him that it takes a month to go through all the paperwork.  They told him it was his fault, and they washed their hands of him because he's not at the school anymore (vacationing between commands.)  We're loosing a very expensive commercial return-trip, and it was money we didn't like to spend in the first place.  The thing that's stopping me from going without him is that I would have to buy a commercial flight because I can't fly nearly-free without him.

 

I got a little bit depressed and overwhelmed by the house last time he was deployed, but he also never really recovered.  His ship kept increasing the amount of stress with the amount of work he needed to do, the random schedule, just using him up so much that what time he did get off wasn't enough.  It would have been better for me if he wasn't there at all instead of having to take care of him when he didn't have any energy to interact.  He was almost returning to normal during Christmas break, but then they started using him up so hard that having a vacation between the ship and the school was needed but denied.  Also when I started panicking and being convinced that they were trying to kill him, they just casually dismissed that there was a problem.

 

He's fairly stoic about it most of the time, but he's been dragging home stress and not being there for me for over a year and it's been wearing me down.  The only thing I can do to express my frustration and anger is to say "It's not your fault" because he knows and he's helpless about what his commands do to him.  Also my gradual fear of driving and inability to cope fed the problem.  (The traffic here scares me, but mostly I was scared of having a panic attack while driving, which mostly would have been brought on by the fear of having a panic attack.)  I also hated driving because we only have one car and his schedule isn't predictable.  I told him to find me something that runs better than it looks so I won't have so much anxiety about some nut-job hitting me.

 

I'll be checking in every once in a while, but probably not much.  First I'm going to go visit my mother so that hubby can have solitude, and hopefully it will break the stress-cycle.  Then in return for me painting her baseboards and a few other chores, she's going to talk me through the problems caused by my hoarding and help me get my house so that I can keep it presentable and ready for play with an easy routine.  Right now, I'd have to move a bunch of stuff that doesn't have homes off of the table just to do a small puzzle.  I still haven't been able to find the box that I put my cross-stitch stuff in.  I stopped cooking because I got sick of cleaning the kitchen and cycling the dishwasher every single day, and then not being able to do anything fun because the rest of the house was a blocked-up mess.

 

Hopefully I'll be ready to have a goal like "play with legos or something every day" and have it not be a chore by the time the next challenge starts.

[nighsparrow]

Sorry to hear about your husband's wonky military schedule. That sounds super frustrating to deal with.

 

Good luck with your decluttering. When I have an area that gets too bad, I usually try to break it down to something like "put away all the loose items on the shelf" or "throw away 20 things." Looking at a whole room or house that's a mess is too overwhelming, but sometimes it's easier if you can work on it for 7 minutes.

[danhummsoriano]

Hi,

 

I totally agree with the power of decluttering.  I am used to a decluttered house and currently living in chaos is doing my head in.

 

Why not make that your quest?

 

Decent, hard core clearing out is a tough thing to do and it deserves respect.  I think that is a decent quest.

 

Or really push yourself and declutter enough to create a mini exercise space.  NF has lots of bodyweight schemes which would work well in even the smallest space.

 

Good luck and remember even a little success is still a success

[Gobnait]

My clutter problems are... Let's just call it aspirational clutter with a big helping of disorganization that distracts from how to segment the problem...  Pretty much next time we move, I want to involve a storage facility so that there isn't a mix of stuff.  Right now, there are random pantry items between me and my books.  At least I consensually stole a lot of those books from my mom, so maybe I should offer them back.  (WTF! GETTING RID OF BOOKS ON A LARGE SCALE AND NOT JUST A LIGHT PRUNING?)

 

I also really hope that hubby doesn't get too carried away on declaring things trash since I'm leaving him alone for at least enough time to paint baseboards and stuff.  I gave him the limit of the kitchen.

 

Got packed and ready to head to the airport this morning, I blame the mishap for delaying.  (Wondering of there was a going, lack of hubby support when my self-confidence is shot, expecting to share a seabag and needing stuff.)  Oh, I could totally survive at my mom's house with less than my tablet in a purse, but I think I need a small bag of electronics.  Packing a bunch of socks, underwear, t-shirts, a spare pair of jeans and shoes... that's just being polite since we're about the same size.  Well there is also a suspicion that her local thrift stores have a heftier selection than here.

 

I made the agreement that I would leave the house today for something... Some of the flights filled up before I was sure I could get packed, so I didn't okay a flight until I was mostly there.  Since I didn't want to do evening, decided on tomorrow.

 

That meant I had to take the car, and I just went to the free museum.  Hubby was right not to come despite the cool exhibits... darn field-tripping kids.  I think I was the only non-teacher in my age-group there, and I think I got mistaken for a student since I still dress like a child.  Then again, everyone else was old, I should have eaves-dropped that one lady-couple that was really discussing the exhibit.  I got agitated and stayed through a couple minor personal quakes.  Some of it was probably because I didn't go to the boring exhibits in the morning to avoid the kids.  I should have warned hubby that I was coming home... I might have picked up something instead of him ordering pizza.

 

I'm not sure what my dead grandfather's car is worth but I don't want it.  My mother had it for a couple of years and wants a different vehicle, but that's not what I want because it's a 90's old-people car and it's too comfy.  I really want an engine in a bad chassis, but not like my third car.  (Two people who glanced at the underside got horrified that I was still driving it on the highway after getting rear-ended.)   

[Gobnait]

Hi,

 

I totally agree with the power of decluttering.  I am used to a decluttered house and currently living in chaos is doing my head in.

 

Why not make that your quest?

 

Decent, hard core clearing out is a tough thing to do and it deserves respect.  I think that is a decent quest.

 

Or really push yourself and declutter enough to create a mini exercise space.  NF has lots of bodyweight schemes which would work well in even the smallest space.

 

Good luck and remember even a little success is still a success

 

Next time... Right now I'm a house built on rattlin' bog.

 

I think that the minimum-clear floor of the kitchen could be enough for pushups and situps, and I can shove aside enough junk to use the treadmill, especially since I have no idea about clearance behind the thing.  I need to shed this cocoon of a house though.  The city is one layer, but then I have to deal with coming home to this after not working on this.  (I also want a word-processor at the treadmill.  We have a 2000 IBM laptop with a bad cooling fan, or a 2005 HP laptop that won't boot because of a bad heat-sink.  Hubby's decision about which one he should mount in a tower unless he digs through the old circuit boards for a basic build.)

 

This challenge is visiting my mom, doing some chores, and then getting some help.

[nighsparrow]

Good luck with your trip to your mom's and the chores.

 

You might have a good idea about using a storage facility with your next move. I used one for a few months when I had to downsize from a big 1 bedroom apartment to a tiny studio. I think I had to get rid of 2/3rds of my stuff in the matter of a month. So I kept some of it in a storage facility for about 3 months while I tried to figure out what to get rid of and what to keep. If you keep them too long, though, they're just a waste of money, and you're better off getting rid of the contents and buying new when you need it.

 

Be careful of those well-stocked thrift stores, though. I go in those and always end up coming out with things I don't need!

[Gobnait]

I'm back.  I was gone since I didn't want to bother with tapatalk.

 

I kinda wish that airlines would change their policies about checking stuff that could be carried on.  Both flights I took were pretty full so I ended up dropping my bag at the entrance both times, the second because I volunteered for checking when people outside my loading group were asked to.  It was nice because I had a laptop bag with about a laptop's weight in stuff and a cane as well.  (Traveling with a cane, so not worth the trouble if you don't use the assistants.)

 

The only thing I managed to do for my mom was the baseboards, but it was the big thing and she can get five minutes from other people in the family for small things, and the other big things were a bit out of my reach.  I messed up my shoulder just before going out there and it's still not healed.  Other than the pain I was occasionally in from scooting around the floor wrong, the baseboards weren't that hard and the sessions didn't take that long.  It was just a matter of being able to commit to the task and get ready for it.  Stirring the paint was the worst, but I scooped about the right amount into my container.  (She still has one door frame because I wasn't willing to do it, another half of a doorframe because of junk, a short bit of baseboard because it was behind a lot of stuff, and everything on the window but the apron because I wasn't up to doing the whole window but I could do the low part that was hard for her.)

 

I didn't look at any of the junk that I left at my mom's house, save for tossing an old art project that had developed mold.  Usually I try to work on my junk, but it's not like she was skyping me about it anyway.  I did help mom with a closet and found some of my stuff that was already labeled for her to do what she wanted with it, but two chess sets got transferred to my closet because I wanted them in the future but not now.  I would say it was nice not to haul so much junk home, but I did buy a bit of new junk.  (Though most of what junked up the car was mom's luggage and too much road snacks.)  Most of what I bought new was physical puzzles, a couple that I did before leaving because I was bored and not up to digging through old junk.  I also found some yoga blocks at a cheap store, don't tell me if $7 a block isn't a good price.  My aunt bought me a collapsible walking stick while we were shopping.

[Gobnait]

Okay, day before yesterday... Ah, moved some stuff that needs to go to the thrift store out of the living room and swept.  Had mom go through piles of misc papers.

 

Yesterday, grabbed some "anything" boxes from the upstairs storage, dumped some drawers that didn't need to contain what they contained, mom found some really old papers in some bags that looked like I just dumped a pile from the table into them.  (Credit card that expired five years ago, rental contract from two houses ago, also five years old.)  I pulled out chotckies and pared them down.

 

I fluffed the jello mold collection, decided to give one to my mom but that was the only one that's leaving.  I may or may not hang them on the wall again.  There was some cool stuff that came with the house, but we didn't use it either so it's going.  The golf ball display frames are going to my mother's house because I do want to display shinies but I'm giving up on that for a while.

 

Today, I didn't do much.  I puttered in the upstairs and found some boxes that I wish I could get hubby to go through.  I found a bunch of cassette tapes when the only place I could use them was a car I haven't driven since beginning of last summer, it's been longer since I actually tried to listen to any, probably the car before that which was taken out about four years ago.  And I somewhat-tidied the kitchen, cooked most of dinner, and washed the cutting boards.

[Gobnait]

I'm having a big pile of nope.  Don't know what I did today, just told my mom it was a day off and she went to the yarn store like she wanted.  I did tell her to take care of dinner even if it was buying raw ingredients and telling me what to cook.  She got a cooked chicken and some salad and strawberries.

 

I hate everything.  I'm agitated and nothing works now.  Tomorrow I'm going to not let my mom sleep in and we're going to go to this park I've been wanting to show her for years.

[Gobnait]

Mom is gone Sunday morning an hour after intended... she wanted to leave a day earlier than she did, but I panicked and said I'd let her go mid-day Saturday.  About right, since long story about needing some specific boxes and mom wanted to visit the store I thought we bought them at last time and yes probably we did get them there but they don't carry them anymore.  Mom was irritated about me wanting to do everything before noon on previous errands, but inadequate air conditioning on that adventure convinced her that there was a reason I started my day early.  Hubby hates the sunroof, but mom is convinced that she wants one again.

 

We also went to Michaels, but the box selection was also not-right.  Mom got more crap than I did, though I spent more money.  All I bought was boxes, and mom got me a thingy for a hobby because she had given her thingy to one of the relatives she's being an extra grandma for.  (Kumihimo foam thing.)  Well, at the other art store I got a small bottle of brush cleaner so I could use up my oil paints and a sheet of Yupo paper as a reward for all the stuff I got rid of.  Mom tried to talk me out of this plastic stand with wheels and six 12x12x2 boxes for $40 when I felt that I should get an additional thing like that eventually so why not on clearance.  It just doesn't match my others, but three is good for they're used for and this is for different.

 

I got rid of a lot of stuff, but I still don't see it because there is still a mess.  Mom and I are going to start a PVP soon, but not like ChoreWars even though the base of it is good.  I think this time it's going to be more general.  There is stuff I need to do to keep the house functioning and take care of old problems, there is stuff she needs to do for the same.  We also need to work out an art pvp.  (I don't do PVP usually, but this is just building on a natural conflict we've had since I reached that phase where I don't automatically agree with her.  Also, I think she needs this and I can justify doing it if I don't like it.)

 

 

I think that I am ready to be ambitious again for my next challenge.  This challenge cycle, I managed to paint the baseboards on a huge room, two out of four of the doorframes, and the apron of the big window.  I did something to my own house that involved several shopping carts full of junk, and I think half of the stuff in mom's trunk was stuff she was taking for herself rather than what she was just storing for me, though there was that stuff.  (I think a bunch of it just needed to be boxed properly and labeled.)  I spent a lot of time at my mom's house doing physical puzzles since I couldn't minecraft and I hated surfing the internet on my tablet. 

 

I need rest, and I really think that this place should be smudged if not properly cleansed.

 

On a different note, I found a place with good rates that does reflexology, and I should spring for at least one session.  My feet need some manipulation, and I'm sure I've got energy blockages all over even though most of the pain is in my feet.  (There is a spot over two of my toe joints that is visibly puffy.) 

 

Let's see... next challenge.  I think "do my daily and weekly house-chores" and "do the daily art journal thing" should be a priority.  The ungraded portion, not that I'm grading any of it, should be figuring out how to spend time on the treadmill, and proving that I did something "fun" often enough.  (Play with blocks, cross-stitch, puzzles that aren't electronic, treat the local petstore as a free zoo, visit one of my parks.)  Actually, I think that I should do a tumblr photo-blog and check in here daily with what I did, especially about supper.  The tumblr blog would be daily "what my house looks like" records, anything I did that was physical, and a bad snapshot of my daily art journal.

[Gobnait]

I got a crud and didn't do anything last week except write.  I was happy until I tried to shut down and do housework.

 

Oh, and I've got ANXIETIES about the future.  I'm messing with the fishtank because I hated that I gave my fish away.  (Better for the fish, especially with outgrowing the tank and vacation.)  I'm trying to decide whether or not to get a batch of feeder guppies or just to give up on it since I don't know if we're going to be here.

[Gobnait]

Random thought... if letting ones mom into the kitchen can totally disrupt it, there is a problem.  (She put dirty dishes into a clean load.  It was a light load, I had removed two bowls and gave up because they almost burned my hands.  There were other problems like how she helpfully futzed with the unmatched sock basket and made it look neat, which turned it invisible.)

 

The people on another forum have assured me that trying to fix the bacteria problem in my fishtank will just make it worse, and I should just ignore it since there aren't any fish suffering.

 

I am sad about my car leaving even though it's been undrivable for a year.  (Expensive repair, then letting it sit for a year made getting a reliable junker less expensive.)  It was the first car I bought myself, but it looked better than it ran.  I'm listening to the CDs that were in the changer and having fond memories.  Trying to get it out of park was also a fond memory and I'm glad I figured it out again.  (Poor NPR, I worked an auto auction once and that thing will probably get towed through the block unless they're willing to take the dashboard apart.)