therealkat :: I'm Cookie Dough - I'm Not Done Baking

[thekatisalie]

Into every generation a slayer is born: one girl in all the world, a chosen one.
She alone will wield the strength and skill to fight the vampires, demons, and the forces of darkness;

to stop the spread of their evil and the swell of their number.
She is the Slayer.
 

 

 

I am starting this battle log after reading an article that is really hitting home for me right now. It’s called The After Myth and as I approach my goal weight, I now fully understand… there is no after.

 

There is… No after. None.

 

At 146 pounds I am still unhappy with my body most days. I don’t like what I see. The days I do like myself are starting to grow, which is good… but I had this idea in my head 30 pounds ago that a number would spontaneously make me start loving myself again.

 

Nope.

 

There is still so much more to work on.

 

A number is just a thing. It isn’t value or self-acceptance. It isn’t going to get me a job or make me win or lose friends. It isn’t going to tell anyone any more about me than a fleeting glance would.

 

What I need to work on now is ME. I am cookie dough, hear me roar.
 

With the tools I have gained in the last year, it’s time to work on becoming cookies.

[mitch_dee]

Whoa...a challenge thread and a battle log.....woohoo twice the Kat!!!!

I am here as usual to follow and support in anyway I can. I have more to add but will have to wait till I am midget free and at my computer.

For now I am very proud of you and look forward to seeing you finally feel about yourself the way so many of us feel for you!

[thekatisalie]

Started an Instagram to go with this Battle Log. Aside from my tracking of workouts, food, and other things... it's a side project. Follow me at @still_cookie_dough

[thekatisalie]

 

So I am going to start today out with positivity. Last night I learned I can indulge without guilt. I had a big margarita and lots of tacos for dinner with my brother and sister in law and I was slightly preoccupied with how that would end up feeling tomorrow for my DietBet weigh out. Answer? Just fine. Lost another pound in the last 3 days. I had to make a goal weight of 147.8 to win my Shaun T DietBet and as you can see... In clothes, I was 146.2. Out of clothes, 145.4. I started the DietBet thinking 4% of my body weight in a month would be incredibly hard. With 21 Day Fix it really wasn't and I'm proud of where I have gotten and what I have learned.

 

I learned so much about food and what I should be focusing on and how to own a bad day and move on. Food shouldn't be the enemy. It should be fuel. I shouldn't beat myself up because I had a beer... because it's going to happen. I love beer. I wouldn't be successful if I forced myself to cut beer out of my diet because I'd always be craving it and I'd resent my diet for not letting me have it. It's all about 80/20. Be your best 80% of the time and relax and enjoy 20%.

 

No workout yesterday. I've been still fighting the boneitis I contracted that seems to be a mix of cold and allergies. If I could just get my nose clear enough to take my allergy medicine... I really want to run, but the pollen outside really scares me. Why does the outside want to kill me?

 

I think I will start Les Mills Combat from the beginning today. I have a convention and a few wicked costumes to make... and look awesome in. So boom. More goals. Cause now that I hit 145 I have no idea what to do with myself. I'd say push for 140, but I want to gain muscle. I want to focus on being strong now... We'll see.

[thekatisalie]

 

Walked almost 5 miles at the zoo, though I only tracked almost four of it. The animals were active this morning. Both me and my friend were surprised that we walked 5 miles - but I guess... I mean, there's a reason we're so exhausted after a zoo trip, right? Burned around 800 calories and then ate my lunch and cheese curds... Because cheese curds. I am trying not to slip back into "I hit my goal I can eat whatever I want" mode. I should have started Combat today, but the 5 mile walk is going to be enough. It was slow and with lots of breaks for her kids but it was still lots of work!!

 

Now... I nap and watch Star Trek.

[thekatisalie]

 

So I did things in the last few days. Yep. Things.

 

I don't tend to post when I'm not at work. I like my laptop and all, but I really miss a desktop computer. I also don't see the sense in owning two computers, so alas, you don't see me on the days I'm not working nearly as much.

 

I was off Thursday-Monday and had one day of feeling terrible about myself. I went bra shopping and after going to two places that both made comments about my impossible size that made me feel just SUPER, I binge ate a quarter pounder and fries and spent the rest of the day feeling sorry for myself. It appears that since losing weight, my boobs have gotten more frustrating. I've lost nearly 3 inches off my back, bringing my band size down to 34 instead of the 36 I had been wearing. Now, a 36 DDD was easy enough to find but most are ugly as hell. A 34 DDD? Next to impossible to find one that fits and is comfortable and even better... I am now between a DD and a DDD where a DDD is too big and a DD is too small... so I guess I am just not meant to feel sexy. Ever. Because apparently I'm terrible and don't deserve pretty things.

 

End rant.

 

So after I binge ate food that was bad for me on purpose because I was in OHFUCKITIGIVEUP mode, I gave myself a project. I sewed a bit with my sister in law on my Effie Trinket cosplay and then happened across the perfect set up for my Harley Quinn mallet. Working on this stuff makes me feel better. Idle hands, right? So I spent the next few days making my mallet for July and working on make up for Harley. It'll be a burlesque/pin up style just for because... And I'm pretty excited about it.

Oddly enough, that was all I needed to motivate me to workout again.

 

My mom called and wanted to go for a walk on Saturday, so we walked about 2 miles. She can't go fast or far, but it makes me happy to see her get out there. She will slowly work up to more and faster, and I love that she keeps at it. I also did Combat 30. Sunday was my scheduled rest day and I wish I'd have done Flow to stretch, but I was so obsessed with painting my mallet. I wrapped it up yesterday... might add a couple more things to bling it up, but it's done (added a few mid-way shots in the photo above).

 

I was so not feeling a workout yesterday but got in the mood out of no where and did TurboFire Fire Starter. Barely made it through... tells you how much I haven't been running or doing heavy cardio.

 

I need to run more... twice a week at least for now... Because I have a race in less than a month, and then two in a row in July...

 

And that's all my brain has for you this morning.

[mitch_dee]

... so I guess I am just not meant to feel sexy. Ever. Because apparently I'm terrible and don't deserve pretty things.

Ok, I know it's a rant but you are not alone.  I am currently in a size that is either to small to fit my belly, or big enough to fit but the rest of me looks like I am 4 and wearing my dad's clothes.

 

but Kat, as an outside observer you are stunning!!  Please don't ever let clothes (that are never consistent) tell you or make you feel otherwise.  If needed I will get on here and tell you that every day until you believe it!!!!!

[thekatisalie]

 

Did a little hooping and yoga last night. I am a little sad that I forget practically ALL the tricks I learned, but the core strength and mild cardio are really great.

 

Heading out of town this weekend to go to a brewery and to Chicago. Should be fun... and I am already telling myself three days isn't going to ruin my progress. I know it's not... but there is a part of me that keeps reminding myself that I can't let myself go just cause I made my goal. Now it's time to maintain and tone.

 

I am really bad at following the Pump/Combat calendar right now. I hope to go for a jog on the farm we are staying at (!!!) at least one morning, but we will be walking so much that I am not too concerned. And farm fresh eggs! And fresh meat! I am happy with where I found for us to stay. Oh, did I mention... New Glarus beer?

 

And Mitch... thank you for you always kind, always uplifting words. They really do help. I get so down on myself and it's hard to step back and see the forest for the trees. And it's great to have friends like you here to remind me of that <3

[thekatisalie]

Yay! I went on vacation! Boo! I ate so much I feel disgusting!

 

I know I could have been worse on vacation, but I really try not to worry about things like food and calories when I am supposed to be out and having fun on a trip. So I ate more than I needed for three days... So what? It's superficial, it'll come right back off just by not eating our three times a day... and My pants still fit, so I can't complain.

 

We walked 7 miles in Chicago, at least. Got SOME workout in

[EricMN]

Yay! I went on vacation! Boo! I ate so much I feel disgusting!

 

I know I could have been worse on vacation, but I really try not to worry about things like food and calories when I am supposed to be out and having fun on a trip. So I ate more than I needed for three days... So what? It's superficial, it'll come right back off just by not eating our three times a day... and My pants still fit, so I can't complain.

 

We walked 7 miles in Chicago, at least. Got SOME workout in

 

Vacation for me means vacation from stressing on all things. And it's good to see you've got the right mindset.

 

Walking Chicago is a blast. Sounds like you had an awesome time.

[thekatisalie]

 

First resistance band workout last night with my little 21 day arm challenge group. It was a little easy for me on the greens (11lbs resistance) for nearly all the workouts, so I plan to up to my red for at least the triceps and biceps tomorrow. Still getting used to them... but I do want to fell a little soreness after the first day and I don't have any. I think on these days, I will do upper body blow out with Combat, too. And then run on the off days since I have a 5k in two weeks...

 

@EricMN - vacation was like that for me when I first started losing. I was terrified one day would ruin everything. It was hard to get into the mindset of knowing one day didn't get me unhealthy, a lifetime did... so one day off wouldn't get me back there, either. It was a great time! I enjoyed being able to walk a bit, since the previous day was a lot of drinking at the new Glarus Biergarden

[thekatisalie]

Went for a 2 mile run last night. I started c25k over in anticipation of the Electric Run on June 5th. I was a resident of I DON'T WANNA-ville last night and it took me forcing myself to stop putting it off to go out and do it. I'm a bit depressed again these last few days and I always manage to sabotage myself when I am like this. Trying hard not to... Making plans to do the 21 Day Fix again right before Convergence so I can feel awesome in my costumes knowing that I did the best for my body that I could.

 

Why is it so hard?

[EricMN]

Went for a 2 mile run last night. I started c25k over in anticipation of the Electric Run on June 5th. I was a resident of I DON'T WANNA-ville last night and it took me forcing myself to stop putting it off to go out and do it. I'm a bit depressed again these last few days and I always manage to sabotage myself when I am like this. Trying hard not to... Making plans to do the 21 Day Fix again right before Convergence so I can feel awesome in my costumes knowing that I did the best for my body that I could.

 

Why is it so hard?

 

I think it's hard because sometimes we are working against our base nature. We are raised these days as creatures of comfort.

 

Good for you - running anyway when you don't want to. This is a win.

 

Also, the Electric Run is an awesome fun run. I did it last year and will be doing it again this year.

[thekatisalie]

I did it last year, too!! We had a blast but went at like 8pm when the sun was still partially out. We will probably run later this year -- 9pm at least!

 

And you're so right. I just want my comfy pants and a TV. I don't want to be forced out of that comfort. But I do it anyway... for the good of the order.

[Rooks]

Not going to lie.  Every time I see a notification from this thread.... it makes me want a cookie.  

[thekatisalie]

 

Did Lower Body Lean Out and my Arm Challenge last night and upped my weights. Feeling it a bit more this morning than last time, so it's good I did! I barely made it through LBLO but I guess since I haven't done it in like 3 months that makes sense. It's not super easy. Lots of balance and kicks, which I am still pretty crummy at.

 

Non-scale victory. Pants I bought as a reward to myself for losing weight don't fit me anymore. They are pretty much falling off me... which is making work a little awkward.

 

@Rooks -- Someday there will be cookies

[EricMN]

Non-scale victory. Pants I bought as a reward to myself for losing weight don't fit me anymore. They are pretty much falling off me... which is making work a little awkward.

 

Best awkward ever, right?

[thekatisalie]

Went out of my comfort zone this weekend and checked out a new class with a few friends at a little private gym thing. Art of Strength is really neat. I have taken yoga there from my friend who in an instructor, but on Sunday we did PIT (Power Interval Training). It's a HIIT class that was perfect for someone like me who gets bored easily. We did four circuits repeated twice each, and ended with some tabata. It was a real ass kicker, but I needed it. I felt so amazing leaving that class. Today we have lots of leg DOMS but it just reminded me that I have missed it.

 

I start my first Great Cycle Challenge ride today Hoping to do an easy 5-6 miles.

[thekatisalie]

RAWR. I guess I should make a little update – I’m posting less here because I’m actually participating in the challenge this go around. I’ve been mostly posting there (link in my sig). I haven’t been working out much. I’ve gotten about 50 mile ridden on my bike. My eating hasn’t been stellar, but it’s been okay. I’m up about 5 pounds right now, and I know some of that is because I have been SO BAD about water lately. The rest is because I’ve been eating out a lot for birthday’s and because quick meals have been needed for costuming days. We’re getting so close to CONvergence that it’s pretty much sewing every night from here on out. I am TRYING my best to eat better foods or prep meals that I can grab after work and I am lucky that my sister in law lives a mile from me, so I take a sort of long route and bike to her house so long as I don’t need to bring tons of things with me. I am also taking lunch break walks about 3 times a week. Just a half mile, but it gets me moving and it gets me outside – because summer in MN is way too short.