See the Cat, See the Cradle? Spookyfoot fights the Brain Beast

[spooky]

Oh, I know this in a way. I like people. All of them. Unless they try to hit me on the head with heavy objects maybe. (If you didn't do that there is a good chance I adore you. ) I don't know why. And it's nothing I truly want to change. But I made some experiences similar to the one you described... and it was a great learning experience and that's all I see when I look back on it now. It helps. So it's nothing to be sad or angry about the way I see it, just some experience so next time you know when it's not worth the effort to try with some people. (And there is quite a few situations where it helps a lot too in daily interaction with people etc.)

 

(Also it's not spamming, it's your own darn log. )

Thanks for your response Felicity  . I really like your attitude towards people. I think it's better to like all people than hate all people. I have done the "I hate everyone" thing and it didn't help me hate myself less. I think looking at stuff like this as a learning experience is such a healthy attitude, and absolutely the one I want to have. I will look at my experience with this "friendship" as a learning experience, those are the kind of people I don't need in my life. 

[spooky]

Elem, I'm smashing your excellent posts together! 

I haven't had any similar experiences so I won't pretend that I know how you are feeling, but i will say that I sually think people like her are fuelled by jealousy. Perhaps you represented something in highschool that she didn't feel she could be or attain, so she took those insecurities out on you.

 

This is a much nicer way to look at it than they way I was, which is that there was (is?) something wrong with me. I am trying to get away from that attitude. I think you are right that it is more about someone's issues than about me. It's just been a bit hard to separate some of the old, raw emotions from the situation. I will keep trying though. 

 

Now as an adult she is still doing the same thing. She is telling everyone that tries to be optimistic that they are fools who have been trained to try to be cheerful rather than allowing themselves to be sad. But in my experience, people who are depressed would do anything they could to be able to see the positives of life, rather than being stuck in the middle of their depression. So once again she attacks the people that she can't emulate. Trying to make people feel bad for looking on the brightside, and upsetting them so they are as sad as she is.

 

 That's really interesting, I think you're right that she's still doing the same thing. I think it's okay to be sad but living in that sadness (which I did for a long time) got me nowhere good. I will have to return to this post when my mind tries to pick at this issue again. Thank you so so much for your much needed perspective.

 

If you feel like you need a break from people like that from your past, deactivate your facebook account for a couple of months. It will still be there waiting for you if you decide to go back to it.

 

This is true. I will probably de-activate it. I am much happier without it, I think. 

 

My dad carries around a fake latin phrase with him in his car, which even though it's not real is still good advice.

Illegitimi non carborundum

Which is supposed to mean "Don't let the bastards grind you down".

 

 I LOVE this phrase. I don't know if you've ever read The Handmaid's Tale but that phrase is featured in that book (one of my favorite books ever) and I think it's so great that you've brought it up here. In high school I actually wrote an essay comparing The Handmaid's Tale and Fight Club as hyper-gender focused dystopias. But that is a random note. 

 

 

On a compleetely unrelated and frivilous note. I work at White House Black Market, the company calls customers "Sydneys". So where I work, everything is done for, and focussed on you.

 

 This is amazing and it made me smile so not un-related at all 

 

 

oh PS

 

This may sound more like an insult than I mean it to be. But your idea that your writing is fuelled by sadness might be like Dumbo's magic feather.

You may have had some cathartic writing experiences when you were feeling down, but I think you could train yourself to write just as well when you aren't feeling down.

For me I often get lost when I'm writing, forgetting how I feel until I have stopped and come back to reality, my current mood not having much to do with it.

 

  I don't think this is an insult at all (though I appreciate the disclaimer). I actually really would rather write and get lost in the writing, that is exactly what I want my writing experience to be. I like thinking about it as Dumbo's magic feather . Thank you so much for the amazing insight and great advice 

[shaar]

Augh I can't copy and paste anything on mobile but --

You mentioned needing to get used to sadness!

I think I'm a weirdo because sometimes I LIKE being sad. I know the sadness will pass but I sometimes really revel in just being able to fully dig my claws in and experience that feeling so fully!!!! (See, weirdo, haha) It's such a profound thing and inescapable and okay.

You rock. Glad you funneled your emotions into something good for you!!!!

[spooky]

Augh I can't copy and paste anything on mobile but --

You mentioned needing to get used to sadness!

I think I'm a weirdo because sometimes I LIKE being sad. I know the sadness will pass but I sometimes really revel in just being able to fully dig my claws in and experience that feeling so fully!!!! (See, weirdo, haha) It's such a profound thing and inescapable and okay.

You rock. Glad you funneled your emotions into something good for you!!!!

I think i need to get used to a specific type of sadness, that is sadness that will pass. I like your not weird at all way of fully digging your claws in. I want to be the bamboo that bends with the wind, so digging into sadness (knowing it will pass) is definitely something I can get behind. I think its about differentiating normal type sadness from all consuming depression sadness and KNOWING that it will pass whereas the depression felt like it never would. If I can like the normal passing type sadness (or even like my depression?) maybe it will be better? I dunno. 

 

I am glad that I went to the gym though, that was a great lesson in self care as self healing. I will have to keep remembering that. I've continued down that road this evening by making zucchini noodle pasta with broccoli, onions, garlic, and sundried tomatoes. And remembering that other people's opinions are not my problem. 

[ElemHH]

 I LOVE this phrase. I don't know if you've ever read The Handmaid's Tale but that phrase is featured in that book (one of my favorite books ever) and I think it's so great that you've brought it up here. In high school I actually wrote an essay comparing The Handmaid's Tale and Fight Club as hyper-gender focused dystopias. But that is a random note. 

 

I haven't read The Handmaid's Tale, but did look it up after reading your post. I haven't been in the mood to read fiction lately, but I do listen to the audiobook versions of novels at work sometimes. So if I find an audiobook of it I will give it a try. Otherwise it will be on the list of books waiting for my mind to switch back into wanting to read fiction again.

[spooky]

More self care this evening = listening to The Talking Heads on vinyl, the Speaking in Tounges album 

 

[spooky]

Daily Inspiration: 

 

34

The great Tao flows everywhere.
All things are born from it,
yet it doesn't create them.
It pours itself into its work,
yet it makes no claim.
It nourishes infinite worlds,
yet it doesn't hold on to them.
Since it is merged with all things
and hidden in their hearts,
it can be called humble.
Since all things vanish into it
and it alone endures,
it can be called great.
It isn't aware of its greatness;
thus it is truly great.

 

"Each day we must strive for constant and never ending improvement" 

-Anthony Robbins

 

"I have just three things to teach: simplicity, patience, compassion. These three are your greatest treasures."

-Lao Tzu

[Jett]

Hi Spooky. I missed all the excitment, I see. I feel a little bad that I wasn't able to put in an encouraging word when you really needed it, but so many others said all these amazing things, probably way better than I could have. I love this community.

 

It's quite interesting to have read the full arc of this experience, from when you started your spiral into sadness to when you chose to deal with it in a constructive way, to your return to better emotional stability afterward. This is why you are such an inspiration to me: you have the same feelings we all do, but you feel them, and you deal with them. You overcome them! Thank you for being transparent and sharing what you are going through.

 

Also, I listened to Speaking In Tongues at work today because of you, and it was wonderful. Thank you!

[spooky]

Hi Spooky. I missed all the excitment, I see. I feel a little bad that I wasn't able to put in an encouraging word when you really needed it, but so many others said all these amazing things, probably way better than I could have. I love this community.

 

It's quite interesting to have read the full arc of this experience, from when you started your spiral into sadness to when you chose to deal with it in a constructive way, to your return to better emotional stability afterward. This is why you are such an inspiration to me: you have the same feelings we all do, but you feel them, and you deal with them. You overcome them! Thank you for being transparent and sharing what you are going through.

 

Also, I listened to Speaking In Tongues at work today because of you, and it was wonderful. Thank you!

Hey Jenn! Thanks for chiming in, your post was honestly really lovely to read   and is helping me deal with some of the residual ick factor. I love this community so much too, for me it is a huge step to even feel comfortable posting about those kind of feelings.

 

If there is one thing (and there's definitely more than one thing) that I've learned from posting there it's that when I share those kinds of feelings honestly is one of the best ways to fight the perfectionist factor. Allowing myself to be real with flaws and struggles has been a big part of my healing process. And it is still ongoing. 

 

I think it would be really interesting to read over the past couple pages of posts in a couple weeks when I am farther from the situation to really see my emotional arc the way you have. Also this 

 

 

This is why you are such an inspiration to me: you have the same feelings we all do, but you feel them, and you deal with them. You overcome them! Thank you for being transparent and sharing what you are going through.

Is one of the most wonderful things anyone has ever said to me. I am trying to see myself the way others do (in a good way not in the are they judging me way) and this is for SURE going on my positivity wall. I am so happy (and maybe even proud?) that sharing my struggles honestly helps others as much as it helps me. And to internalize that I am an inspiration to others too. Those are lessons to be remembered for sure

 

Also so happy to listened to Speaking in Tongues, it is SUCH a great album and I'm happy you enjoyed it

[spooky]

Adding some inspiration from Presea's thread, courtesy of the always wonderful Jenn: 

 

Swapping out one higher-calorie thing for something else you wanted more, letting yourself have a fatty-foods day but eating a salad the next day... it's a bit like finding a path up a steep hill, you have to zig zag around for the best footing, because if you try to go in a straight line you'll end up slipping off the side.

 

[spooky]

meditated for 15 minutes to Chopin's nocturnes which was a new type of meditation for me. I like it though, it gave my mind something beautiful for focus on. Plus I always wish I listened to more classical music so win-win.  I will probably do a bit more meditation later, I feel so nice afterwards. Very happy that my upcoming challenge is focused on living in the moment as I think that will do great things for my overall well-being. 

[spooky]

Been working on revising my challenge goals. Problem is, I have way way way too many. I literally have 9 quests, each based off of a character in Adventure Time. I like ALL of the quests so.... yeah... this is gonna be tough. Thinking about it, I feel as though a lot of them aren't quests so much as guidelines for exploring Ooo, aka the world around me. Maybe I should separate it into quests and guidelines?

[spooky]

Daily Inspiration 

 

35

She who is centered in the Tao
can go where she wishes, without danger.
She perceives the universal harmony,
even amid great pain,
because she has found peace in her heart.

Music or the smell of good cooking
may make people stop and enjoy.
But words that point to the Tao
seem monotonous and without flavor.
When you look for it, there is nothing to see.
When you listen for it, there is nothing to hear.
When you use it, it is inexhaustible.

 

"Desire nothing, give up all desires and be happy."

-Swami Sivananda

 

"There is something good in all seeming failures. You are not to see that now. Time will reveal it. Be patient."

-Swami Sivananda

 

"Patience and perseverance have a magical effect before which difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish" 

-John Quincy Adams

[spooky]

Had a really great insight today as to why last challenge didn't feel as good as the first one.

During the first challenge I kept a daily journal. At the beginning of the day I wrote out my challenge goals at the top of the page, wrote out my daily inspiration, and then broke the day into two hour blocks (stolen from Terinatum's challenge).

I really loved this system, that way of breaking down the day really helped me stay focused in the moment. I think I stopped doing it because I started to get frustrated when I wouldn't remember to start recording my day at the beginning. Now I see that stopping a system that really worked for me was just self sabotage.

Also I'm really glad that I was using my journal as much as I did when I felt that happy because I can see now what was working for me.

Here is a picture of one of the journal days (Yes I needed a lot of guidance at the time in my life so I looked at ALL the horoscopes for the day  . Hey, it helped!)

[spooky]

AHHHHH back to the battle log

 

Daily Inspiration:

 

81

True words aren't eloquent;
eloquent words aren't true.
Wise men don't need to prove their point;
men who need to prove their point aren't wise.

The Master has no possessions.
The more he does for others,
the happier he is.
The more he gives to others,
the wealthier he is.

The Tao nourishes by not forcing.
By not dominating, the Master leads.

 

"The little things? The little moments? They aren't little"

-John Zabat-Zinn

 

"Without health life is not life; it is only a state of languor and suffering- an image of death"

-Buddha

 

"Positive anything is better than negative nothing."

-Elbert Hubbard

[spooky]

IF ANYONE IS STILL READING THIS I'M BACK AND CHILLING HERE