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jskuzmick | Unleash the Firestorm


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I know it was a few days back, but I was interested in the panicky feeling you had during meditation. I haven't had that during meditation before, but I have had it during yin yoga (a style where you hold passive poses for a long time, typically 5-10 min or even longer). As I relaxed into the pose and got physically deeper into it, I sensed that if I wanted to get out of it, I wouldn't be able to just pop straight up. I would have to sort of unwind my body slowly, and somehow that panicked me. But the interesting thing was that I was doing this during a class. The teacher told us we might feel that way and that is was normal. Just to try to accept the feeling.

 

A different yoga teacher was talking to us about meditation. She was talking about a zen Buddhist style compared with Tibetan Buddhist style (I'm not a Buddhist, or an expert on this, just thought the ideas were interesting). She said that the zen style is in some ways very strict. You aren't supposed to move at all. If you are cold/get a cramp/have an itch, too bad. But the Tibetan style is more laid back. You can make small adjustments (such as twisting from side to side in a seated meditation). So I guess if you get the panic feeling again, there are a couple different approaches. One is just to try to accept it. Notice it, acknowledge it, and then try to set it aside. The other is to take a little break, maybe move around a little, and then try to ease back in.

Xena, Level 14+ Valkyrie Ranger

January 2017  December 2016

Oct/Nov 2016

 

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A different yoga teacher was talking to us about meditation. She was talking about a zen Buddhist style compared with Tibetan Buddhist style (I'm not a Buddhist, or an expert on this, just thought the ideas were interesting). She said that the zen style is in some ways very strict. You aren't supposed to move at all. If you are cold/get a cramp/have an itch, too bad. But the Tibetan style is more laid back. You can make small adjustments (such as twisting from side to side in a seated meditation). So I guess if you get the panic feeling again, there are a couple different approaches. One is just to try to accept it. Notice it, acknowledge it, and then try to set it aside. The other is to take a little break, maybe move around a little, and then try to ease back in.

I know, weird right? In my case I felt like I was having trouble breathing.... And I was focusing on my breath! Go figure. It's comforting to know that I'm not the only one it's happened to. Maybe next time I can cut myself a little more slack and shift around a bit more.

Interesting distinction regarding the meditation types. I'm definately more of the Tibetan type, I just don't have the control to not swat at the occasional fly that makes its way into the room. And there are the times when the idea of leaving dog slobber on my cheek because my dog decided to cheer me on just won't do... (I'm pretty tolerant, but not THAT tolerant. :)

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Was too tired to write last night.  I could barely keep my eyes open....

 

So yesterday's recap:

 

The day started off interesting enough with a big thunderstorm at 5:00 in the morning.  It was a nice big boom-y one that makes the whole day seem kind of dark and mysterious.  I was lovin' it :) 

 

I went to the gym to do my workout!  There were three big beefy guys in there doing their thing, Of course, one of the guys had all of his stuff on the first piece of equipment I needed, so I had to ask him to move it. (He was nice about it). I plugged in my music and plodded on.  I'm actually glad they were there, because someone had left the 100 pound weights on the leg press and I couldn't get them off.   One of the guys was kind enough to help me out.  It's not like we were best buds or anything, but they all seemed nice enough.  Barbell squats, Barbell dead-lifts, leg presses, lat pull downs, knee lifts, and  I got 3 sets of 15 push-ups done. (I was really proud of that! :) ).  It was fun! 

 

Other than that, not much else of note

 

Q1: Meditation got done

 

Q2: did ladder drills for my cardio.   It's my make-up week for the mini, and since I bombed the juggling I needed something else to work on with speed.  Ladder drills are fun.  I'd never done them before, so I looked online for a few drills and spent 20 minutes trying to get my feet coordinated enough to keep me from tripping over myself and land on my a**.  Some of those buggers are tricky!  :)  Did I set any world records?  No :)   but I did make some small improvements, even in those 20 minutes.  I also had to be careful that I didn't do any drills that were too much for my tendon.  I think that if I'm careful I should be able to finish out the week without any foot issues.  

 

I didn't go out and buy the ladder or anything.  I had one lying around because I thought my son would like to try using it for his soccer stuff.  He never did.  So the thing has been sitting around for months doing nothing.  I'm happy to put it to some use ;)

 

Q3: 1407 Calories yesterday.  I was pretty hungry in the morning, but I managed to split up my meals and graze through most of the day.  It was the only way I felt like I could keep my sanity.  I don't know how people do the sit down at 3 meals a day thing.  I've always been someone who eats throughout the day.  It helps me deal with boredom to take lots of breaks.  

 

LQ:  Laundry was the last thing to get done.  I didn't realize how late it was when I started, so it didn't end up getting finished until after 10 pm.  I was reading a Sherlock Holmes story in bed.  Folded the laundry, and fell right asleep.  I figured everyone would survive a night without my loquacious chatter.  :)  

 

And that was it!  I got called into work this morning to work a full day.  That means I have to rearrange my whole mindset, but I should be able to make it work.  There is a ton of stuff that I was supposed to do today that will have to be put on hold.  Hopefully I won't stress about that too much.  

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There should just be certain days that don't exist. Today was one of those for me.

It was a really shi**y day all around. One major fu** up at work that I've got to deal with and is causing me enormous amounts of stress. I came home and all I wanted to do was stuff my face with all the cheese and starch I could find. To head that off at the pass I immediately changed and went to workout on my treadmill. It helped a little. But I could easily see needing another round before the night is through. I've got my midterm tomorrow, but I'm so stressed about work that it's hard to focus. My last assignment is due Friday, and my final project is due Monday. Too much is just going on right now, plus a few more minor inconveniences, so that all I want to do right now is find a nice dark hole to crawl into and go have a good cry. ... Then I can come back out when the sunshine and rainbows miraculously appear.

Yeah, Right. I'll just have to be a friggin' grown up and figure it out. But it makes me wonder if there are any jobs out there that aren't stressful. I want one of those, please.

I'm glad I didn't use food as a coping mechanism, but I can tell it's going to be a tough night.

...sigh

Q1: meditation was done. I anticipate a few more rounds tonight as I try to work through this situation.

Q2: treadmill again. I needed the loud music and the fast pace. I might still do ladder drills later tonight, but I'm not making any promises.

Q3: 1312 calories so far today. I've still got 98 to figure out, but I'm petty sure I'll find something to snack on this evening. I'll update the final count later...

LQ: laundry is in the dryer right now. I'll finish it during one of my study breaks.

I'm a bit calmer now, I guess I just had to get that all off my chest. I've got a lot to do, so I'm gonna go start taking care of what I can. If nothing else im gonna finish this challenge strong. I'm not going to screw it up by using excuses or caving. I NEED this commitment to keep me feeling like I have some control.

Night everyone. It is my sincere wish that your day was better than mine! ;)

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You've had such and awesome challenge...finish strong!! Just a few more days to get through.

 

I'm really impressed by your gym session. It's not always easy to ask people to move things. I do have a suspicion that most guys are kind of flattered if you ask them to help you move something heavy at the gym. I don't think that necessarily translates to help with comparable tasks around that house, but take what you can get.

Xena, Level 14+ Valkyrie Ranger

January 2017  December 2016

Oct/Nov 2016

 

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Jumping in on the meditation discussion, I had a similar case a while ago. Not panicky, but more of a "let's get this over with already" kind of thing. I found myself thinking that probably anytime now the phone would ring and mess everything up; would I stop to answer or would I keep meditating and have it add to my distractions, maybe even derailing thoughts further? Put it down as just a case of my brain being jumpy and simply observed the trainwreck of thoughts while meditating. Had a few similar, albeit lighter, incidents like that later on, which made me realize that I was wrong to set a daily meditation goal for my challenge. Made it feel like something I have to do just for nailing that challenge goal, as opposed to something I enjoyed.

 

Since you tracked the cause to your breathing, maybe your mind was bouncy as well and used breath as a means to take out its stress? If you found yourself panicking about not inhaling enough oxygen, passing out etc... maybe that was the case, similar to my mind making imaginary scenarios about the phone ringing in the above occasion. Brains can be huge scumbags, making us believe things that don't even exist or are highly unlikely to happen.

 

Keep going strong. Half of the last week is almost behind you

Lvl 58 Multitasker

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mmmmmm.... Tired tonight.

Q1: did my meditation

Q2: no cardio. Spent time with the family instead.

Q3: 1417 calories today. Not a lot of options in the pantry, but I made it work.

LQ: laundry is in the dryer. Will fold it before I fall asleep.

Didn't do my workout today. I went to work early. Got a lot done today which put me in a better frame of mind.... still a lot to do, but I'm on the right track. Spent the evening with family so no real exercise to speak of today. I think yesterday really drained me. My pillow is looking like my best friend in the world right now.

Oh yeah, Took the midterm this afternoon.... Eh I don't think I'll fail the class, maybe somewhere in the B range. Thank goodness it will all be over on Monday!

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I felt much better after I did my workout this evening...

My usual routine is M/W/F, (sometimes I shift over a day if a particular day "can't" get done). But since I've started NF I've always managed to get my three workouts per week. Since I skipped Wednesday, it was do or die today...or else it would have been the first week where I didn't get all three in. (I still have to do Saturday, but I have a feeling I won't want to let that one slide either). I'd been waffling back and forth all day about working out, so when I got home, I went upstairs to the room where I usually put on my spaz production and stared at that big calendar on the wall (the one with my red Xs) for about 5 minutes. Finally I just yelled at myself, and stomped into my closet to get changed. I'm much happier now :) Ugh, My brain can be such a child sometimes!

I tried a Darebee workout today. "Bond." It was fun. I was a bit lazy on the intensity. I tend to do that with new workouts, but it gave my abs some serious work. I also liked mixing up my routine a little bit. I was starting to wonder if I were going to be doing the same workout routine for the rest of my life, and I realized that I needed to nix that mentality in the bud ASAP. So I tried something different tonight. I missed my chin ups though.

Q1: Meditation was nice and relaxing tonight. I tried to focus on being as relaxed as possible. I've had a lot of anxiety in the past. And I tend to bottle that sh** up. I'm kind of wondering if the panic episode I had before may have just been some of that old anxiety finding its way out? I think if that weirdness happens again, I'm just going to pretend that it's my unconscious getting rid of some bad mojo...and I'll just let it go. It might be uncomfortable, but it's better to let it go than to fight it....I think. :)

Q2: did the treadmill right after my workout. I didn't want to take two showers tonight, so doing my workouts together seemed the prudent thing to do. I didn't do ladder drills because my foot was feeling a tinesy bit off. Didn't want to risk it. My energy was actually pretty good today. I think the day off of rest helped.

Q3: 1408 calories today. I ate real food and everything, no prefab frozen packaged stuff, so that was good.

LQ: I'm calling it done. The load was a non-dryer load, so everything is hanging on the line. It won't be dry until past midnight, but it will be put away first thing tomorrow. (My son has a friend coming over, and I don't particularly wish to advertise my choices of unmentionables) ;)

And with that lovely image in mind, I'm going to say goodnight.

Actually I think I'd rather leave off with any other thought, like miniature purple giraffes eating chocolate birthday cake. There, that should do it :).

'Night!

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So 9 pm rolls around and I realized I hadn't done my cardio yet! I thought about not doing it (again), but I kicked myself in the a**, and reminded myself that it only two more days to go. End result = cardio done for the day.

Otherwise I had a really nice day. I spent most of it knitting a new pair of socks (this time for me). The pattern is called "flying arrows," of course. They'll be perfect for work/ranger attire! :) My other project is on hold until I get more money to buy the last of the supplies. I had this yarn lying around, so I figured what the heck. (I'm pretty much an expert on starting something new when I've already got a million and one other things going on). (I AM working on that. ;)).

Q1: Did my meditation today

Q2: cardio was the treadmill again.

Q3: 1409 calories today. And that included a spoonful of peanut butter straight from the jar. It actually helped my protein consumption for the day :). It isn't something I would do all the time, but today it just felt right. And tasted super frickin yummy.

LQ: laundry got done pretty early in the day. It was nice to have it over and done with before the day even really got started.

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that I got my first weight loss comment yesterday - from someone who hadn't seen me in several weeks. So that was a nice perk to the day. Another friend who I hadn't seen in a while asked me how much I've lost, and my husband FINALLY said something complementary this morning. It's kind of funny, but now he's talking about how he should lose a few pounds....it's hard not to immediately start jabbering away about all the things he should start doing. My hubby is one of those types where if you say, "you should sit down" he'll stay standing, not in a malicious way, but he doesn't like to be told what to do. He'll figure it out eventually. The hard part is going to be keeping a straight face when he mentions that maybe he shouldn't drink a liter of soda every day. He's got to realize all of this stuff himself. (Oh my gosh...tangent, sorry 'bout that)

Anywhooo, That's it I guess. I'm off to to Bedfordshire. 'Night everyone.

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Almost there.....

A friend came over to visit earlier this evening, but didn't leave until later. It was almost 8:30 at night by the time I was able to get to my workout! I'd already said that I wasn't going to let this one slide, so I had to do it. Did my cardio immediately after.

3 60 second planks today AND 3 sets of 15 push-ups (knee). The whole workout was a really good one :).

Q1: meditation was done after my workout. There were a lot of thoughts rumbling around up there in my head. They must have been speeding through at a million miles an hour, because I got to the point where I was thinking that maybe my timer stopped, because it seemed like so much more time had gone by.. But nope, I just had a lot of thoughts I guess.

Q2: did the treadmill after my workout. I can't wait to get back to my interval training, but for now I'm just steadily plodding on.... I think I've got to get through at least one more challenge before I can start running again. My foot is down to a "tightness" that sort of just hangs out in the background.

Q3: 1409 calories today. I made the mistake of eating a vegan pizza. It was the Amy's roasted vegetable one. Even though it is vegan, the crust has gluten. I felt the effect almost immediately. It just sat really heavy in my stomach. Lesson learned! It was the last one I had in the freezer, so hopefully I won't be making that mistake again. It was also something like 800 calories, so I had slim pickings for the rest of my meals. I'm pretty hungry now, but it's late enough in the day that I think I can last until breakfast.

LQ: laundry done late in the evening, but done. ;)

And that's about it. I can hardly believe tomorrow is the last day! I'll be checking in on a lot of threads to see what everyone else's thoughts are....

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So what a finale to this 6 week Challenge.

 

I finally made it up to Chipotle yesterday.  I was good and planned ahead.  I saved half my meal (ended up eating it later in the day).  Since I had it all planned out, total calories for the day: 1414

 

I may have planned my meals well, but I did not plan my time usage well.  

 

I had a f** ton of homework to do, so I spent all night doing it. It was actually interesting enough that I didn't realize how late it was until the sun started to rise. (I got  meditation break in just before midnight, but I totally missed out on the Cardio).

 

Laundry got washed and dried, but it's still in the dryer.  I'll take care of it when I get home from work. 

 

I've been awake since 6:30am YESTERDAY - which means its now been over 24 hours since I've gotten any sleep.  I've got work today, and then I've got to finish my homework tonight.  I know at some point my eyelids will simply refuse to stay open any longer, but for now, I strangely have pretty good energy.

 

Workout will just have to get done tomorrow.  Maybe I'll sub a Yoga session to go a little easy on myself.  I'll need to recoup after this all-nighter! :) 

 

Back in a bit....

 

 

All in all I'd say I did well with this challenge.  After a nice long nap, I'll sit down and figure out the stats.  

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I guess I better tie up loose ends with this challenge before I start posting on the next one....

 

In our last episode,  I had ended with an all-nighter of homework.

 

It turns out that that night was spent working on my final project for my class, as in THE MAJOR PROJECT for a huge chunk of my grade.  It was 6 am and I was just wrapping everything up.  I went to do one more thing... the entire file was un-readable.  My backup was unreadable,  the backup of my backup was unreadable.  I have no idea what the hell happened, but 3 days of work went down the drain in less than a minute and the project was due that night! 

 

I almost panicked, but at the same time I almost didn't give a sh**.  I so wanted to be done with the class...

 

I called the professor, and emailed him, then went to work, pretty much figuring I was screwed.  I eventually got in touch with him and he very kindly gave me an extension for a few more days to get it done.  That of course meant that I had to re-create my entire program.  I was certainly grateful for the opportunity, but by that point I was so brain-dead and tired, I didn't have the heart to get into it again.

 

A day later, after lots of sleep, I kicked my ass in gear and took a few days to get it done.  I submitted it (got a perfect score), and now that whole episode of my life is thankfully over!

 

So here's my summary of my second six-week challenge.

 

Loved it!  The mini-challenge was awesome too.

 

Best thing about the challenge: I got my compound bow, which is now an almost daily practice in my life.  I love archery!  

 

Q1: 10 minuted daily meditation:  did this one every day so 100% on that = A  award +2 WIS and  +1 STA

 

Q2: 20 minute cardio every day:  I missed 5 days , so that gives me a 88%  = B award +.5 STR,+ .5 DEX, +.5 STA

 

Q3: 1410 cal/day.  One day was over by 200 calories or so, but the rest remained on target.  I did log every day

so half the challenge was 100% ,  the other half 97%   Combined is a safe A +1 STA, +1CON, +1 WIS

 

LQ: A load of laundry per day (washed, dried, folded and put away) 100 % complete = A +1 CHA

 

I think the best thing I've learned this challenge is that I need to give myself a rest day.  I do it with my workouts, but the having-to-hit-the-mark-everyday mentality is a bit rough.  For my next challenge I'm going to build in 2 "let it go" days.  I don't want one every week, because I still want to push myself, but I accept that there are certain days when I just need to be able to let it go, and not get all worked up about "having to finish."  When my mind-set becomes more focused on going through the motions instead of focusing on the actual habits I'm trying to change, I think the point of this practice gets missed.  

 

The calorie watching has given me a good insight into planning ahead and being more aware of not just what I feed myself, but being more aware of things in general.  I'm starting to stop and evaluate all sorts of things now that I hadn't really noticed before.  - Especially advertising.  I'm starting to ask myself why I do the things I do.

 

I've also been surprised at how child-like my behaviors can be when I get tired or frustrated.  I catch myself having mini temper tantrums in my head, especially when I want something that "isn't good for me."  It hasn't always been easy to deal with, but I'm working my way through it.  

 

I'm also becoming more comfortable with "grit."  it isn't a practice that I'm particularly good at, but I'm learning to develop it.  

 

So there it is folks.  

 

The ride has been fun. I"m off to challenge number 3! :) 

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I'm glad to see you back! BECAUSE...there has been tons of talk on the general chatter forums about various ranger costumes and you are definitely the expert!!! Please visit :-)

 

I'm really glad your professor was reasonable and that it all worked out so well. Great job sticking with it. You absolutely nailed your calorie goals all challenge. And your laundry goal. And tackled the weight room. And the archery was almost off the scale of awesomeness.

 

You have no choice but to come back!

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Xena, Level 14+ Valkyrie Ranger

January 2017  December 2016

Oct/Nov 2016

 

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I'm glad to see you back! BECAUSE...there has been tons of talk on the general chatter forums about various ranger costumes and you are definitely the expert!!! Please visit :-)

 

I'm really glad your professor was reasonable and that it all worked out so well. Great job sticking with it. You absolutely nailed your calorie goals all challenge. And your laundry goal. And tackled the weight room. And the archery was almost off the scale of awesomeness.

 

You have no choice but to come back!

 I changed my name (finally :)) and started a new challenge, but I haven't gone anywhere!  :)  Did you say ranger costumes?  I'm in!  I'll go check 'em out :)  

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Yay!  Raven Firestorm!  You did a phenomenal job this challenge.  Reading about it made me tired!  I frickin would have flipped my sh*t if I lost that much work but perfect score???? Hooray for happy endings!  Also, super impressed with the sets of push ups and planks.  (Boy, do I hate planks!).  Looking forward to seeing what you come up with next challenge!

CC


Level 3 Ranger


 STR 2.5 | STA 4.1 | DEX 2.25 | CON 7.6 | WIS 7.4 | CHA 2.03


 


Current Challenge: on hiatus


Previous Challenges: Ranger June 8-July 19, 2015Recruit April 13-May 25, 2015


 


"The problem with quotes on the internet is that it is hard to verify their authenticity"


-Abraham Lincoln

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